Okay…where was I?

So, I get to Atlanta. The airport is ridiculously big and spread out. I follow the signs pointing to baggage claim and find myself on the biggest escalator I have ever seen. I then remark to no one in particular, “This is the biggest escalator I’ve ever seen!” This will be the first of many times during my visit where I get blank stares and/or people trying to get some physical distance from my general vicinity.

After being whisked away to baggage claim by a train that travels at approximately 500 mph, I get my bag, then meet up with my shuttle driver whose name I can’t pronounce. He is driving a champagne colored van with a suit to match – very classy in a Garanimals sort of way. We begin our journey to Alpharetta, Georgia. Random observations: Georgia has a lot of trees. My driver’s conversation skills are impressive. Driving skills? Not so much…

Arrive at my hotel, check in, go to my room. Call hubby and Steph at the Red Clay Diaries. (We’re friends now, so I just call her “Steph”.) Realize that those pretzels are not going to tide me over until the complimentary breakfast tomorrow morning. Call the front desk to find out that there is a free shuttle provided by the hotel to take me anywhere my heart desires within a 5 mile area. Kewl. Have a burger, fries and root beer float from Steak and Shake for the first time in 20 years. Yum.

Proceed to put together giant bags of random awesomeness for Steph, Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson:

Realize that it is getting late and I have yet to cover my varnish stained fingernails on my ugly man-hands. This is an occupational hazard of painting. Fortunately, I remembered to purchase some Lee press-on nails prior to leaving Houston. Proceed to glue tacky nails on. Get into bed, proceed to toss and turn until 6:00 am Thursday morning.

Shower, primp and get dressed. I am completely underwhelmed by the mighty power of the hotel blow dryer with approximately 5 watts of power. Load up laptop, camera, and a bunch of other crap and head down for some free breakfast.

Take free shuttle to North Point Community Church. That is one big church! Pick up ticket at will call desk and drop off bags for Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson. Right at that moment, I hear playing loudly from a boom box “Mama Said Knock you out”. Turn to see Jon Acuff dressed to the nines, with fur coat and sunglasses, surrounded by 4 large security guards who clear a path for him as he throws Skittles to the adoring hoard of onlookers, occasionally making eye contact to some swooning female and mouths to her, “Wuzzup?”

Oh, gee whiz! I’m out of time for today! Tomorrow I’ll tell you how I won a contest in order to win the privilege of sitting next to Jon Acuff at the Catalyst One Day!

Editor’s Note: Portions of the above post may be slight exaggerations or just flat out hooey.