Archive - October, 2009

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

(I originally posted this excerpt on November 30, 2008)

In “The Reason for God”, Keller offers the skeptic and the believer an intellectual defense of the Gospel of Christ. I am a huge fan of the object lesson, and while I am of the opinion that Jesus was the master of the object lesson, Keller provides some excellent ones in this book.

The following is an excerpt from Chapter 11 – Religion and the Gospel: Two Forms of Self-Centeredness:

In Robert Lewis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Dr. Jekyll comes to realize that he is “an incongruous compound of good and evil.” His bad nature is holding his good nature back, he believes. He can aspire to do things, but he cannot follow through on them. Therefore he comes up with a potion that can separate out his two natures. His hope is that his good self, which will come out during the day, will be free from the influence of evil and will be able to realize its goals. However, when he takes the potion one night and his bad side comes out, he is far more evil than he expected. He describes his evil self using classic Christian categories:

I knew myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold “more wicked, sold a slave to my original evil; and the thought in that moment, braced and delighted me like wine…(Edward Hyde’s) every act centered on self.

Edward Hyde is so named not just because he is hideous but because he is hidden. He thinks solely of his own desires; he doesn’t care in the slightest who he hurts in order to gratify himself. He kills if someone gets in his way. Stevenson is saying that even the best of people hide from themselves what is within–an enormous capacity for egotism, self-absorption, and regard for your own interests over those of all others. Self-aggrandizement is at the foundation of so much of the misery of the world. It is the reason that the powerful and the rich are indifferent to the plight of the poor. It is the reason for most of the violence, crime, and warfare in the world. It is at the heart of most cases of family disintegration. We hide from ourselves our self-centered capacity for acts of evil, but situations arise that act as a “potion” and out they come.

Once Jekyll realizes that he has this capacity for evil acts, he decides to clamp down heavily on this terrible self-centeredness and pride at the core of his being. In a sense, he “gets religion.” He solemnly resolves not to take the potion anymore. He devotes himself to charity and good works, partially as atonement for what Edward Hyde has done, and partially as an effort to simply smother his selfish nature with acts of unselfishness.

However, one day Dr. Jekyll is sitting on a bench in Regents Park, thinking about all the good he has been doing, and how much better a man he was, despite Edward Hyde, than the great majority of people.

“I resolved in my future conduct to redeem the past; and I can say with honesty that my resolve was fruitful and of some good. You know how earnestly, in the last months of the last year, I labored to relieve suffering; you know that much was done for others…(But as) I smiled, comparing myself with other men, comparing my active goodwill with the lazy cruelty of their neglect…at the very moment of that vain-glorious thought, a qualm came over me, a horrid nausea and the most dreadful shuddering…I looked down…I was once more Edward Hyde.

This is a deadly turn of events. For the first time Jekyll becomes Hyde involuntarily, without the potion, and this is the beginning of the end. Unable to control his transformations any longer, Jekyll kills himself. Stevenson’s insight here is, I think, profound. Why would Jekyll become Hyde without the potion? Like so many people, Jekyll knows he is a sinner, so he tries desperately to cover his sin with great piles of good works. Yet his efforts do not actually shrivel his pride and self-centeredness, they only aggravate it. They lead him to superiority, self-righteousness, pride and suddenly — look! Jekyll becomes Hyde, not in spite of his goodness, but because of his goodness.

Sin and evil are self-centeredness and pride that lead to oppression against others, but there are two forms of this. One form is being very bad and breaking all the rules, and the other form is being very good and keeping all the rules and becoming self-righteous. There are two ways to be your own Savior and Lord. The first is by saying, “I am going to live my life the way I want.”

The second is described by Flannery O’Connor, who wrote about one of her characters, Hazel Motes, that “he knew that the best way to avoid Jesus was to avoid sin.” If you are avoiding sin and living morally so that God will have to bless and you and save you, then ironically, you may be looking to Jesus as a teacher, model, and helper but you are avoiding him as Savior. You are trusting in your own goodness rather than in Jesus for your standing with God. You are trying to save yourself by following Jesus.

That, ironically, is a rejection of the gospel of Jesus. It is a Christianized form of religion.

There’s more, but I’ll stop here and let you soak that in. Maybe you read that and were unaffected; not at all convicted. I have read books others have considered life changing that, while I considered them good reads, did not affect me profoundly – to each his/her own. Over the past two years, my concept of what it means to be a Christian has radically changed. The Holy Spirit convicts me left and right. All other major faiths have founders who are teachers that show the way to salvation. Jesus was the only one to make the audacious claim that He is the way to salvation Himself. As I wrestle with the understanding that orthodox Christianity is not about being good as a means to salvation, but abiding in His will out of a sense of overwhelming gratitude for the salvation that has already been granted, I am becoming more aware of how often I fail to express this gratitude.

“To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

I don’t want to be lukewarm. Do you?

Isn’t it Ironic (not particularly) Repost (sort of)


Irony –
1: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other’s false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning —called also Socratic irony
2 a: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning b: a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c: an ironic expression or utterance
3 a (1): incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2): an event or result marked by such incongruity b: incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play —called also dramatic irony tragic irony.

Okay, I realize this song has been around awhile, and this particular dead horse has already been beaten, but I thought I would point out the fact that the situations described in the song “Ironic” are unfortunate, but not ironic.

As a public service, I have decided to add some words to the song, thereby making it ironic. (You’re welcome.)

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day (because he accidentally poked himself in the jugular vein with the pencil he used to fill out the winning ticket)
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay (that happened to be an albino fly, so it was white)
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late (because the electric surge caused by the execution resulted in the phone lines going out two minutes earlier)
Isn’t it ironic … don’t you think (no, not really)

Chorus

It’s like rain on your wedding day (in the Sahara desert)
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid (for the bus)
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take (from the Olympic committee insider that assured you Chicago had no chance of winning the bid)
Who would’ve thought … it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
‘Well isn’t this nice…’ (Okay, that actually is kind of ironic)
And isn’t it ironic … don’t you think

Repeat Chorus

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face (and that is very unfortunate, but not ironic)

It’s a traffic jam when you’re already late (for your job as the head of public transportation)
It’s a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break (at the Marlboro plant)
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife (to cut open the boxes of spoons)
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife (who works as a pharmaceuticals rep for Ambien sleep aid)
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think
A little too ironic… and yeah I really do think… (no, not really)

Repeat Chorus

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out (which is nice, but not ironic)

Here’s some irony for you: Angry, white Canadian girl becomes international singing sensation with a smash hit called “Ironic”, which isn’t.

Playoff Baseball, goat snuggies & Steve Harvey introduces Jesus

It has come to my attention that some folks who read my twitter updates that are NOT on twitter miss out on quite a bit. There are pictures and some pretty cool links that never get posted here. This week, I’m hoping to remedy that situation just a little bit.

Also, the twitter was frozen up for a few hours yesterday, so as a public service, I opened up my comments section for random comments not necessarily related to the content of the blog post. You know, sort of like every day around here:

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said…
OMGoogle! Lots of comments must mean one thing: Twitter is frozen and we need to read blogs to avoid being productive.

I’m with you Kat. Nothing skanktacular will be worn my two girls. It’s really hard to find something cute in size 10(kids) and up for certain costumes. Go ahead, look up “fairy” or “cat” for that age group on a costume site. I dare you!

My problem is that my boy and older girl want to be scary. Like disgusting-scare-neighborhood-children-scary. I had to nix the nasty zombie with bones protruding and the evil clown. Geez.

My youngest wanted to be a bat. But most of THOSE showed too much skin. For a 6 year old.

Okay, I’ll go now and check on the Twitter again. Bye.

I’m really leaving.

Bye.

Hey, visit my blog during the outage too!

See ya.

Are you still here?

Have I filled the entire comment page yet?

kthanxbai

Okay. Enough of Steph’s rambling. Here’s the best (or not) of me on the twitter:
(And if this is your first time here, the tweets are in reverse order — because I’m all kinds of lazy.)

Because much like twitter, it is completely random and non-sequential.

As a public service, I would like to offer the comments section of my blog when the twitter goes down (like today)

RT @noveldoctor: God teaches patience / we linger in the waiting / when Twitter freezes #haiku

Perhaps I spoke too soon…

THANK GOODNESS the twitter is working! I was actually contemplating doing something productive!

RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish Look! Snuggie telepathy with @pwilson Did he just call me a loser? //I think he did!

@HerbieGookins Yes. Was that one of your neighbors? (in reply to: @katdish Did you see the goat snuggie-type thing?)

RT @stretchmarkmama: Crafts gone bad. http://bit.ly/49BUE9 (ht @AlanLeonard) #hilarious //SO FUNNY!

@Helenatrandom I dunno, Helen. @RachelleGardner raises a valid point. I may need to root for a NL team. (in reply to: @katdish Okay. Now that @billycoffey has us both rooting for the Yankees, what do they win? Or is our support the prize?)

@billycoffey They don’t make that much rope. (in reply to: @HeatherSunseri Give @katdish enough rope, and she’ll always hang herself.)

@billycoffey And you will be nice to @RachelleGardner no matter what. Right? (in reply to: @RachelleGardner @katdish @Helenatrandom Uh-oh. I just realized the Rockies and the Yankees could be playing for the World Series.)

@HeatherSunseri Yes. That one is definitely going on the Friday update. (in reply to: RT @billycoffey: @katdish You’re right. //That was too good to not retweet.)

RT @billycoffey: @katdish You’re right.

@RachelleGardner Oh, yes. What happens if they meet the Yankees in the World Series? That could get ugly. (in reply to: @katdish The Colorado Rockies are worth rooting for, too! 🙂

@billycoffey Oh, let’s not get crazy… (in reply to: @katdish I see I’m having somewhat of a positive affect on you.)

@billycoffey And that affects me how? (in reply to: @katdish Keep in mind, however, that I just spent a month’s pay on a new furnace for the house.)

@billycoffey Hmmm…… (in reply to: @katdish Well since they haven’t won the World Series in nine years, I’d say you could name your price.)

@billycoffey I dunno….what’s it worth to you? (in reply to: @katdish Which means that you’ll be watching tonight, correct?)

@billycoffey Did I mention that the Yankees have one every game but one that I watched this year?

@br8kthru Oh, you can always complain… (in reply to: @katdish can’t complain. 🙂

@redclaydiaries You are pure evil, Steph. (in reply to: Now @katdish Don’t click on this: http://bit.ly/1qXbYs. (Just making sure she DOES click on it)

@Doallas Doesn’t exactly give you a hankerin’ for a hamburger, does it?

RT @andycrash: Typos gone bad, really bad http://bit.ly/MRgW4 //Um…wow.

RT @jewda4: And how would you introduce Jesus? http://bit.ly/GGzQO //I LOVE THAT VIDEO!

@Helenatrandom Unicorns? Were rainbows involved?

@br8kthru Jason – just read your comment. You are a dork.

RT @PuriChristos: @CandySteele blessing b with you. (cuz I’m not some luck believing pagan) //Ha!

I wrote an anit-obedience obedience post. Because I like to be contrary…

Okay, people, my timer says my roots now match the rest of my hair. Gotta go rinse. (No need to thank me for sharing.)

@PeterPollock It’s a rare and beautiful thing, no? (in reply to: @katdish I’m beginning to understand what it’s like to be you 🙂

RT @HerbieGookins: RT @katdish @HerbieGookins is right.// Of course I am. //And humble to boot!

@PeterPollock See how many people are being obedient and writing a post about obedience? How’s it feel to have that kind of power?

@redclaydiaries @HerbieGookins is right. Don’t let you boss you around!

@VariantVal I’m good. Trying to finish a post about obedience – not my strong suit.

@PeterPollock Thanks. Just to tell you, I’m going to do a post on obedience, even though I don’t want to.

Then I let them eat the cookie dough without cooking it. Don’t judge me.

So, I bought the pre-cut cookie dough this weekend, planning to bake cookies for the kids.

@marni71 You prank called Sherri? That’s awesome. (in reply to: @redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom @katdish In my sick stupor yesterday, I prank called Sherri. I guess I should call her back and apologize.)

Take THAT 140 character limitation!

“Your mother is acting strangely. She’s on the roof barking.”

So a few months later on another trip, he gets the following telegram from his wife:

next telegram, “Rover has fallen, but the vet is doing all he can.” Then when I got the bad news, I would have been better prepared.

For example, the 1st telegram could have said, “Rover is acting strange, he’s on the roof barking.”

“The dog is dead.” When he gets home, he tells his wife that bad news like that should be given in pieces to soften the blow.

Man goes away on a long term mission trip where the only form of communication is via telegraph. Receives one from his wife that simply says

@sarahmsalter @DougSpur Oh man. I have a great joke about roofs.

RT @redclaydiaries: @billycoffey U know me: a suck-up. She’s letting ME guest post next Wed. Gotta keep her happy.

@buzzbyannies Right now I could trade snow and ice for muggy with a high chance of mosquitoes.

@redclaydiaries Best. Hashtag. Ever. (in reply to: @BridgetChumbley Well yes. What are YOU talking about? #innuendomongering)

@redclaydiaries Are you sure you’re doing it right? The knuckle has to be placed just so. #grossconversation (in reply to: @katdish A farmer blow does me no good. Some of that stuff won’t come out without a hosing. Followed by farmer blow #grossconversation)

@BridgetChumbley How about a good old fashioned farmer blow? @CandySteele swears by them.

@BridgetChumbley TALK TO THE HAND! (in reply to: @redclaydiaries Oh… @katdish made me agree with her…you know what a bully she can be!)

@redclaydiaries TALK TO THE HAND? Wow. I’m tempted to unfollow you after that tweet.

RT @VariantVal: @katdish The grizzly is thought the plane crash was a free AUCE buffett //I was pulling for the bear.

Case in Point – Walker fighting a zombie looking plane crash survivor, when all of the sudden – Yes, people – a grizzly bear shows up.

Nothing against Chuck Norris, but Walker Texas Ranger is a horribly corny show.

Think I need to touch up my roots. Not to brag, but I’m looking pretty skunkalicious this morning.

RT @robkroese: They should just replace those stupid blowers in public restrooms with signs that say “Please wipe your hands on your pants.”

@pwilson @billycoffey – Golf is men in ugly pants walking.

@Helenatrandom Why should @billycoffey do a twitter post when he’s always featured on ours? He’s a clever redneck.

As always – Sorry/You’re welcome.

Halloween Costumes or Prostitots-in-Training Wear?


I realize many of you have found your way to my blog recently. First and foremost, I want to express my appreciation for taking the time to read my silly little blog. Until recently, wandering to this blog has always been a like a box of chocolates – sometimes you get the delicious nougat centers. Other times you get the one filled with toothpaste. But I’ve sort got a groove going on here now, and so far I dig it the most. Here’s what you’ll find and when you’ll find it:

Sunday:
A post that (hopefully) honors God

Monday:
A guest post from Billy Coffey

Tuesday:
Something

Wednesday:
An awesomatastic post from a fabulous guest blogger (or one of my friends – SNORT! – just kidding, they’re all awesome.)

Thursday:
Something else

Friday:
The epic twitter update

Saturday:
A repost of something that has appeared on this blog previously, typically something ridiculous. Because I’m all up in ridiculous.

So…according to my schedule, today is “Something Else”:

My 8-year old daughter informed me last week that she wants to dress as a devil cat for Halloween. What’s a devil cat? I have no idea. But it sounds sort of slutty to me, so she will most likely NOT be dressing as a devil cat.

Did I miss something? Since when is it acceptable for pre-pubescent little girls to dress like hookers? Or as Erin, winner of my first ever Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway might call them, Prostitots?

I suppose I could play the blame game here. Kids are constantly bombarded with inappropriate images from TV and other media outlets. When was the last time you tried to buy your daughter a pair of shorts? It’s becoming increasingly difficult to find plain, knit or cotton shorts without words like “Juicy” or “Jail Bait” emblazoned across the butt. Lovely…

But here’s the thing – if you don’t want your daughter to dress provocatively, man up and put your foot down. Don’t give in to their incessant whining. Just say no to skanky kids costumes.

Layers (by Heather of the EO)

I’ve been following Heather on the twitter for quite some time now. I’m pretty sure I first ran across her in the comments section of Stuff Christians Like. I’m not sure why it took me so long to finally get over to read her blog, The Extraordinary Ordinary, but it is, in a word – extraordinary.

As writers go, she’s the real deal. Check this out:

***

Layers

He stands at the counter next to my table,
he’s ordering
and telling the people around him
that he hasn’t been here since it was Richardsons.
No one seems to know what he means.
Including me.
Time marches on.
So do I.

But he takes a call amidst the backdrop of coffeehouse noise,
shouts to the caller
the funeral arrangements, thanking for condolences.
There will be a private burial, he chokes.
And my heart hurts.
The plates are clanking, the aromas strong.
He’s thinking of another time and another place,
a person he lost from back when this was Richardsons.

A young couple with a fuss about where to sit,
a sneer,
a silent scold.
Then they sit and they eat
with no words, just resistance.

They weren’t here when this was Richardsons.

The mail carrier stops for his short break
checks email, sips hot cocoa
and chats with regulars.
He keeps his beard always the same.

Her gruff voice interrupts my thoughts,
and a familiar face with smoky breath
smiles down at me.
She hands me my sandwich with a
“There ya go, honey.”

The machines whir, the employees flit,
The lady with the yellow and black hat
laughs at how she matches the tablecloths.

A boy and his mom sit.
Stack of library books.
She reads aloud as he carefully tries not to burn his tongue
and gazes out the window.
She loves him like I love mine.

An old friend stops and they chat,
in that careful way of
insecurity.

The tables are so close together
people get pinned in corners.
I’m hit in the head with a jacket sleeve,
no apology needed,

It’s small in here.

Tables screech across solid floor,
struggling to make more room.
Beans are poured from their spout
grinding loudly.
The aroma fills the air,
a thick old friend.
Like Richardsons.

She finished her meal
even the crumbs
and she picks up her book
and she hides her nose.

Anne Lamott tells stories and they teach me…
I read, “It’s scary when the self divides into one being who will be more noticed and admired, and another, worried person who gapes out at the world from inside.”

All the moving, talking, eating, laughing, scolding,
carried on by people
who are two.

These are my Saturdays, a chance to sit with my words,
a few hours
in the coffee buzz heart beats of the people around me.

And I learn new things about me and about people,
in the place that used to be Richardsons.

***

To read more from Heather, visit her at The Extraordinary Ordinary and follow her on the twitter at @HeatheroftheEO

Trust and Obey?


Obedient – submissive to the restraint or command of authority: willing to obey.

If you grew up in church, chances are you have heard the song “Trust and Obey”. Church folks love to teach that to kids. Me? Never a big fan of that song. Not because I don’t think it’s important for us to trust and obey God. I really do believe that. I just take issue with the lyrics:

Trust and obey,
for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus,
but to trust and obey

Because you see, sometimes I don’t want to be told to obey. For me, that song seems almost like a threat. “You had better obey what I’m telling you if you want to be happy in Jesus.”

Nobody likes ultimatums.

I didn’t give my life to Christ because someone told me if I didn’t I was going to hell. I gave my life to Christ because I finally understood the depth of His love for me. You can’t force willful obedience any more than you can force someone to accept Christ. They have to come to both willingly if either is to be sincere.

I know I’ve posted the following quote on numerous occasions – here and elsewhere, and I may be getting off on a bit of a tangent, but it’s probably my favorite quote on Christianity of all times, so I’ll share it again:

The only thing worse than the joke you don’t get is the explanation that is bound to follow: an explanation that, while it may help you see why you should have seen the humor that you so lamely missed, is little likely to make you laugh. It may provoke you to muster a sympathy snicker so as to avoid more of an already tedious and misdirected lecture. It may inspire a mild giggle of recognition, but it will hardly ever raise a real belly-laugh, which was the original desired effect.

And so, here I go — me and a dozen thousand other people — trying to explain a joke that we would do better to learn to better tell. I am setting out to explain again why Jesus is the only true hope for the world, why we should put faith in Him, and what all of that won’t mean. I am collecting the information, selecting from what I hope will be usable as evidence, arranging my findings into arguments, framing it for presentation and recognizing that, while it may be fine as far as it goes, it doesn’t go far enough.

But then I remember two things. The first thing I remember is how I once won an argument with a heathen friend of mine who — after I had whacked away his last scrap of defense, after I had successfully cut off every possible escape route that he could use, after I backed him into an inescapable corner and hit him with a great inarguable truth — blew me away by simply saying, “I do not want to be a Christian. I don’t want your Jesus Christ.” There was no argument left to be had or won. Faith is a matter of the will as much as it is of the intellect. I wanted to believe in Jesus. My friend wanted to believe in himself. In spite of how convincing my reason was, my reason was not compelling.

So the second thing I remember is this:

I am a Christian because I have seen the love of God lived out in the people who know Him. The Word has become flesh and I have encountered God in the people who have manifested (in many “unreasonable” ways) His Presence; a presence that is more than convincing, it is a Presence that is compelling. I am a Christian not because someone explained the nuts and bolts of Christianity to me, but because there were people who were willing to be the nuts and bolts, who through their explanation of it, held it together so that I could experience it and be compelled by it to obey. “If I be lifted up,” Jesus said, “I will draw all men unto me.”

So, here I offer what is possibly the worst thing that can be offered: an explanation of a joke. And, what makes this more inexcusable than the fact that this is that, is the added fact that this is an explanation of a joke you’ve already gotten. I offer it anyway. I offer it in the hope that it might somehow encourage you to live out your lives and, by your living, tell the joke that I, in my writing, so feebly attempt to explain. Love one another, forgive one another, work as unto God, let the peace of Christ reign in your hearts. Make it your ambition to lead quiet lives. Obey. Greet one another with a holy kiss. No one will argue with that.

-Rich Mullins

Classes in Life (by Billy Coffey)

Classes have begun in earnest at the college where I work. The serenity that was summer is now long forgotten, replaced by the franticness of fall. Hundreds of fresh and not-so-fresh faces are about, crowding classrooms and sidewalks in a symphony of chaos. Some of these faces are cool and collected, veterans of higher education. Others have the look of a lost child in a busy shopping mall—freshmen.

College is getting to be a more and more important part of life. Whereas folks my age could make a decent living with nothing more than a high school diploma, that’s not the case now. The world is changing. It’s bigger and more complex then when I was a teenager, and it’s easy to get turned around and never find your way.

Which is why all of these students are here—to find their way.

And I can think of fewer places better suited for such an endeavor. The college here offers dozens of majors and minors and three graduate programs. The professors are brilliant and products of some of the finest universities in the world. The administration is dedicated and professional. Both work together to ensure that each student receives the necessary knowledge in his or her declared discipline to find success in the world.

Last week I spoke with Emily, a young lady who had done just that—found success. It wasn’t long ago when she walked across the lawn just down from where I’m sitting now, fetched her diploma from the President of the college, and said hello to the real world. It was an easy introduction. She’d already fielded several job offers and one marriage proposal.

Life was good. No, better than good. Easy.

Now, two years later, Emily knows better. Her job is steady, but also stressful and demanding. And the marriage proposal she accepted was rescinded one year and one child later, leaving her a single mom.

“Don’t get me wrong,” she said. “Life is still good. It’s just not that easy.”

I understood. College can’t get you ready for everything.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it could, though? If college could not only give you theories and laws, but training for life’s hiccups as well? Yes. Now then we’d have something.

I’m not privy to decisions concerning curriculum and how much of what must be taught. I’m simply an underling, paid not to form policy but to make sure the day-to-day runs smoothly. I have no fancy initials under my name, no suit and tie, and the only piece of paper framed on my wall is a movie poster from Tombstone.

But what I lack in formal education I more than make up for in experience, which just so happens to be a fine instructor as well. And while the students I see throughout the day are getting much in the way of preparation for the workplace, I think improvements could be made in the way of preparation for life.

Classes like Applied Mathematics, General Physics II, and Mass Media Law and Ethics are fine in themselves. They do seem to be pretty specific, though. How about some classes that offer both a broader appeal and a more practical application?

Maybe something like Bearing Hardship 101, for instance. Because sooner or later every student here will have to do that.

Developing Patience would be another good one. Also a class I would gladly pay to attend.

Holding Onto Hope should be a requirement for all graduating seniors, if only because hope seems to be so easily snatched away nowadays.

Cleaning Child Vomit 350? A must for the future parent. Being Thankful 400 would be just what people need to keep a little perspective. And let’s not forget Living Well and Dying Better 750.

Like all the other classes offered here, there would be lectures and papers and finals. But I’m thinking the class attendance would be greater. And I’m thinking the grades would matter more, too.

Of course, it’s doubtful any of this would ever happen. On most college campuses knowledge will always trump experience. But maybe that’s just as well. Classes like those probably wouldn’t work anyway. Most of what happens in life you just can’t be prepared for, no matter how much studying you do. Just ask Emily, who now knows that the world might indeed be a classroom, but it’s the sort of classroom where often the tests come first and the lessons come later.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at What I Learned Today and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Letting Go

Proverbs 3:3-7 says:

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

So why do I find it so difficult to heed those God-breathed words sometimes? Because even though I know better, I stubbornly want to believe that I know what I’m doing. That I’m in control. I smile as I type those words, knowing what a ridiculous statement that is.

Lord, forgive me for thinking I know better. I’m still struggling to simply let go.

I’ve been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They’ve gone white
I’m fighting for who I wanna be
I’m just trying to find security

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go.

Well it’s hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there’s nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

The Skating Party (Repost)


(Originally posted on 5/12/09)
I wrote this post last Saturday. I don’t know what came over me. I was sitting there watching my daughter skate, when I had an overwhelming desire to write about it. I wasn’t going to post it here. Mostly because it is such an obvious rip-off of Billy Coffey’s writing style, and it’s not like I even come close to being that kind of writer. So I sent it to Billy for grins. He asked me to post it. Actually, he TOLD me to post it. And you know me. I always do what I’m told. So, here’s my story, subtitled “Billy Coffey couldn’t come up with a title”.

***

I’m sitting on the top row of bleachers at an arena with a skating rink right smack in the middle. I was smart enough to wear jeans, not smart enough to wear sleeves. I am freezing. I hate being cold and I am very uncomfortable. Still, I find myself smiling.

I am watching my daughter attend her first ice skating party.

After 30 minute of professional instruction on how best not to crack your tailbone, the pack of ten 7 and 8 year old girls are released onto the open ice. They are cautious at first, clinging to the edge of the rink, gradually increasing in speed and confidence.

Eventually, my daughter makes her way to the center of the ice – a proud moment for her and for her mama. She is surrounded by her little friends, some cling to her and cause her to fall down, other more experienced skaters help her up and encourage her to keep going. Ten little girls with varying degrees of skill and natural abilities. Yet, there they are, skating together and having fun.

My journey of faith has been much like this little skating party. Still is.

When I first gave my life to Christ, I greatly benefited from the guidance of mature Christians. They lead me to which scriptures I should study first and were great examples of how to live. I was excited to join the party, but still clung cautiously to the safety and comfort of my old self. I suppose I still do that to a certain extent.

I was sort of like those little girls grabbing on for support. The problem with that is, if you grab onto someone who is only slightly more steady than you are, often you cause them to slip and fall as well. It is best to reach out to someone with a more mature, stable faith.

As I became more familiar with His Word and more involved in church, I became more confident. I was no longer clinging to others. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I became one of the ones who helped people up. Not because I am even close to what most would consider a model Christian, but because I began to understand to depth of His grace. Having lived a life far apart from God, I hope this level of understanding gives me compassion for those who are struggling to understand it. That’s what I pray for, anyway.

I am venturing out to the middle of the rink, knowing that my friends will be there to help me up when I fall. Knowing that ultimately, God is in control. I’m proceeding with cautious optimism, with faith and hope in Him.

I will probably never be a great skater with impressive spins and jumps. The times in my life when I have allowed myself to believe that? That’s usually about the time I get plowed down by the Zamboni machine…

The Fellowship of the Believers
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

(Acts 2:42-47)

Um….Ewh.

The twitter is an interesting and informative place. I’ve connected with some great people, laughed and learned. For the most part, it has been a wonderfully enriching experience. And then there’s this link tweeted by @redclaydiaries:

If you had the ability to grow your own meat and fish in a device that looks like something you’d buy off of a George Foreman infomercial, would you? The Cocoon is a concept cooker that grows meat and fish from heated animal cells. Weird.

While you are recovering from that horror, please enjoy the best (or not) of me on the twitter:

Okay, I’m done being smack talked on the twitter. Community is on! YAY!

@redclaydiaries Do you see how I’m joining in the conversation, as if you’re NOT ignoring me at all…

RT @redclaydiaries: @weightwhat Keebler: Oppressing elves for 10 generations.

@weightwhat YESH! (in reply to: @katdish How about: VO5 Gel for Men – Holding down comb-overs for the last 50 years.)

I tweeted incorrectly earlier today….Please welcome @DougSpur to the twitter!

@redclaydiaries @HerbieGookins @weightwhat We should start the #FOTTSP Ad Agency! How’s this: Volvo – They’re boxy, but safe!

@BridgetChumbley You crack yourself up? That’s always a good thing.

@WinLiannefield I HATE the money with the eyes! And how much money can they save you when they’re spending so much on ads?

RT @SBeeCreations: @katdish What?! You’re going to off some Brownies? Poor little girls //Ha! Missed that double meaning.

RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish I wouldn’t off the Brownies. Could be some nasty legal repercussions…//Mwha, ha ha!

Off the Brownies! We’re making (another) picture frame!

RT @Erinbeekeeper: Snuffy was just a total douche to Wolfgang on Sesame street. I wish he was still imaginary

@redclaydiaries Nekkid followers need love too. (in reply to: @katdish Leave it to me. I’ll just use my massive social influence & tell them to follow you. Especially the nekkid ones.)

@redclaydiaries How will I find the kind of quality followers you have collected? (in reply to: @katdish Hey! I just noticed that you have 900 followers! Only (whatever 3890-900 equals) to go to pass me up!)

@HeatheroftheEO You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high. That’s not so much an issue with me.

RT @HeatheroftheEO: The comments reminded me that I love wrogging (blogging/writing) – http://bit.ly/hsBGM

@redclaydiaries What gets me is that someone would read “grow your own meat”, & say – Hey! What a great idea!

@redclaydiaries I get a little confused with the states in the area known as “the ones in the middle”

RT @redclaydiaries: This isn’t real, is it? http://bit.ly/3t49U If so, hold me. //OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

@buzzbyannies Roughing it for me is staying at a hotel with low thread count sheets. (in reply to: @billycoffey Roughin’ it for me is dry camping in an RV. I’m slightly ‘sissy-girl’ that way. But don’t tell anyone!)

RT @redclaydiaries: @billycoffey @katdish is in fact your spokesmodel, right?//Yes. K-mart offered, but they already have Martha Stewart.

@mare261 – Happy Birthday! (Even though I’m not even sure if you’re on the twitter anymore

@redclaydiaries Did you notice how @billycoffey did not correct you even though you said he lived in WV and not VA? He’s polite like that.

@HeatherSunseri I was like, “Who is @katdishsomething?

I don’t kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, “Whoa! I’m way too high!”

When I’m around hard-core computer geeks I want to say, “Come outside, the graphics are great!” -Matt Weinhold

@br8kthru @Helenatrandom is adored by everyone. With the notable exception of Roman Polanski.

RT @br8kthru: @Helenatrandom your avatar is staritng to look a nascar car. 🙂 //Okay, That’s what I was thinking!

@CandySteele You mean like over the shoulder boulder holder? (in reply to: Just found a great bra for a patient called “The Last Resort.” They could have come up with a kinder, gentler name.)

@Brian_Russell I think it is as impossible to prove He exists as it is to disprove. Faith is a matter of will. Deepdish katdish.

@RachelleGardner You should work on that. (in reply to: One of the hardest things about being an agent is that I can rarely explain exactly what makes me LOVE a book. Or not.)

Just to tell you, I have lemons on my avatar to support the fight of childhood cancer. I am not eating lemons. (Currently)

@br8kthru I’m a giver, Jason.

@br8kthru I’m revamping The Human Fund started by George Costanza. (in reply to: If you have a project or org. you are raising funds 4, please send me a DM or reply soon. I have an idea & would like 2 try 2 help!)

@VariantVal I’ve stopped correcting her, because she’ll just say, “Well I like the way I say it better.” She’s stubborn like that.

My daughter is learning about the human body in her 2nd grade class. Did you know that the lungs work together with the DIAGRAM?

@redclaydiaries I am very excited that @charliewetzel enjoyed your birthday post so much. I’m considering facebook friending him. Too much?

@marni71 Thanks, Marni. Check out my avatar! Lemons – good! Num-num!

Support Alex’s Lemonade, add a #twibbon to your avatar now! – http://twibbon.com/join/Ale…

@Helenatrandom They may dress well, but they still smell like big, stinky birds. (in reply to: @katdish Good point…even their walk is rather arrogant!)

@Helenatrandom Lack of obedience? Plus they’re way overdressed – A sure sign of arrogance. (in reply to: @katdish Why penguins are not as nice as robins….)

I heart hashtags!

If I wanted you to know, I’d be talking #SeeIToldYouSo

What are you thinking about? #QuestionsYouDontWantAnswersTo

Education: The next best thing to a record deal! #NationalSarcasmDay

@PeterPollock Obedience? You want ME to blog about obedience? Hmm….

@PeterPollock What’s a blog carnival? Will there be clowns? I think I can speak for @billycoffey and myself when I say if there are, NO!

@PeterPollock Since I have no idea what you people are talking about, then yes. Yes I am.

@sarahmsalter Clean is such a relative term, don’t you think Sarah?

@BridgetChumbley Wow, that’s laying it on a bit thick, don’t you think? But I like it…

RT @BridgetChumbley All hail the power of @billycoffey’s pen, let twitterers prostrate fall, bring forth the wisdom on his blog and comment.

RT @bryanallain: I’m so hungry, I’m like the wolf #bryanishungry //Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do

Okay, I’ll play…I haven’t had my coffee yet. Don’t make me kill you. #NationalSarcasmDay

RT @JanetOber: Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. #NationalSarcasmDay

@VariantVal Oh, well then. You should unfollow them. (in reply to: Not you, dear.)

I should probably go pray now…

@sarahmsalter Was Jerry Seinfeld your pastor? And what is UP with those tiny crackers? Is it bread? Is it a chicklet? (in reply to: @katdish That’s better than the pastor I once heard who said “Hello?!” over and over again. “God loves us! Hello?! And Satan’s bad! Hello?!”)

@VariantVal Just throw the unfollow hammer down on them. Unless it’s me, of course…

@sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 AMEN! And can I get an AMEN?

@sarahmsalter @br8kthru ‘s sermons are really good. He says AMEN alot.

@redclaydiaries Shaddup. (in reply to: @katdish Join me in yoville. I insist.)

Why must people INSIST on sending me yoville invitations?

Okay! It’s naptime somewhere. And by “somewhere”, I mean here.

RT @marni71: Come celebrate our Sarcastic Heritage…http://bit.ly/V29oU

Me: Mom, you need to get a flu shot/Mom: I know, I’m going to VCR Pharmacy to get one./Me: CVS?/Mom: That’s what I said.

@marni71 You complete me, Marni (in reply to: @katdish That’s why I’m here. To anticipate, to step in, to serve.)

RT @marni71: According to the Google, it’s National Sarcasm Day! Did everyone buy gifts for the snarks in their life? //Oooo! Gimme!

@marni71 That is SO freaky! I was just going to mention that to @Brian_Russell (in reply to: @Brian_Russell Our good friend @katdish has a 12 step program whereby she ridicules you 12 times and then you stop…out of shame and fear.)

RT @pwilson: A little Monday reminder: “You are not in control.” That’s it. Now go back to work. //You’re not the boss of me, Pete!

RT @billycoffey: @redclaydiaries For her. Not so sure it’s a gift to the rest of us, though. //Again. Thanks so much.8:44 AM Sep 28th from TweetDeck

@redclaydiaries Are you responsible for my latest follower? Or did he follow me in a moment of weakness?

RT @billycoffey: @redclaydiaries I’m sure @katdish will take that as a compliment. She pretty much takes everything as a compliment./thanks!

@VariantVal “No job is too big. No fee is too big…”

@VariantVal Oh goody! Random quotes! How about this one: “Do you have balloons in funny shapes?” / “Not unless round is funny.”

RT @VariantVal: I do not have time to watch a goat fetch soap… //Whaa???

RT @badbanana: I hope they throw the book at Roman Polanski and make him direct a couple of Transformers movies.

A get well haiku from my friends Jeff & Tam: Get better Kathy/At least there’s no cone of shame/That would be awkward.

My dog smells like feet.

I’ve picked up more followers this week than usual. And I’ve hardly tweeted all week. Hmmm…..
@prodigaljohn OMGoogle! Your wife told you to man up at Disneyland? Stop! I’m dying laughing!

RT @prodigaljohn: “Man up.” Words of “encouragement” my wife just gave me as we prepare to go on space mountain in Disneyland

@kates513 Congrats on your run today! I’m going to eat a celebratory bowl of ice cream in your honor.

This just in: I’m still sick (cough, cough) and goodnight.

Again, Sorry/You’re welcome.
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