From Hair to Eternity: The Summer Sky Mall Post

Okay, this is a repost. But since summer is just around the corner, I feel reposting this from last year is my re-gift to my old readers and a new re-gift to my new ones. Sorry/you’re welcome.

Oh, gentle reader! It’s been too long since my last Sky Mall post! Oh sure, I’m all for the occasional serious post and lest we forget my fabulous guest bloggers

But I have neglected you, dearest Sky Mall! How could I go so long without paying homage to you: Giant book of overpriced, unnecessary crap practically begging me to make fun of you? Here it is the beginning of summer, and there’s no doubt piles of disposal income just lying around waiting to be spent! Right? Right? Okay, maybe not…whatever…

Hair is an amazing thing. (Nice segue, huh?) As mammals, we all have varying degrees of it. But we never seem content. We have too much in some places and not enough in others. This has not escaped the attention of the fine folks at the Sky Mall.

R.E.M. Spring Hair Remover $19.95

Do I really need to explain what this thing is? It’s basically a really tightly coiled spring that rips your facial hair out in a completely “pain free” manner. Yeeeaaah. Sure it does. Does it work? Just ask this satisfied Sky Mall customer:

“Wonderful gadget/tool. I’ve told many friends about this and they each plan to purchase one. I’ll be giving them for holidays gifts this year!”

Merry Christmas Aunt Margaret! Thought you might enjoy this as you are beginning to look like Uncle Phil!

And speaking of Uncle Phil, perhaps he might enjoy:

The Hairmax Laser Comb $495.00

“In a clinical study, HairMax treated hair loss and regrew hair for 93% of those who used it. HairMax users also report improved quality, shine and manageability.”

Don’t believe me? Check out THESE results!:

M’kay…I suppose that’s worth 500 bucks plus shipping and handling. Dear menfolk losing your hair: Keep your hair short. If you have a nice looking head, trying shaving it. Just say no to the comb over. Please?

“But katdish! You don’t understand! You have thick, wonderful hair! How can you stand in judgement?” Because I’m katdish…that’s what I do. Okay, okay…check this out:

Toppik Hair Building Fibers $21.95

“Toppik Makes Thin Hair Look Thick and Natural in 30 Seconds over 2 Million People Use It. Doctors Recommend it. Celebrities Won’t go on Without it. Now you can instantly eliminate the appearance of baldness and thinning hair. Toppik gives you greater coverage and a thick, full looking head of hair all in about 30 seconds!”

I’m no scientist or chemist, but I’m pretty sure this is similar to the “sea monkey principle”. (Don’t ask…I just know these things.)

By now you have a great head of hair. So you are no longer self-conscious about getting that hair wet! Time to hit the pool and get some exercise!

Endless Pool $20,900.00

“Our signature product, the Original Endless Pool is designed to fit just about anywhere, indoors or outside…This flexibility has allowed more than 12,000 customers to realize the dream of swimming at home in an Original Endless Pool.”

Wow! Twelve thousand customers? If I had a dollar for every satisfied customer, I still wouldn’t have enough money to buy that pool! I’m guessing you don’t either. No worries, you can still enjoy the cardiovascular benefits of swimming with this next product:

The AquaVee Portable Swim System Kit $84.90

“An easy to install system that turns any pool into a lap pool. The AquaVee installation time takes about 60 seconds and can be used anytime anywhere! The AquaVee is extremely portable and will fit any pool no matter the size.”

Now, I realize to the untrained eye, this looks like some surgical tubing, suction cups and a tube of silicon, but trust me….That’s exactly what it is.

This next catalog item I chose for a couple of reasons. First, the picture is pretty freaky, and second, I’m wondering why that guy didn’t buy the Hairmax Laser Comb. Don’t you think he could afford it? Me thinks, yes…

Executive Health Evaluation: $3,495.00

Experience a day-long, 5-star treatment at one of our beautiful contemporary Centers…(blah, blah, blah….)

Benefits may include: (may include? Craptastic!)

Decreased risk of age-related disease
Improved muscle tone
Decreased body fat
Increased energy
Increased libido
(wink, wink!)
Sharper thinking (so maybe you won’t spend 3500 bucks on a fancy doctor’s appointment!)

The final item up for review has nothing to do with anything really. It just made me giggle:

Giddyup! Core Exerciser – Dual Motor $469.00

“The Giddyup! Core Exerciser is the latest innovation in core strength training! This core exerciser benefits posture, improves balance, builds core strength and has up to 25 speed combinations.”

“The trotting and galloping action of a horse helps strengthen the rider’s spine and pelvic muscles, improves posture and stimulates seldom-used core muscles, in the dorsal and abdominal regions. This product also invigorates the body, promotes good blood flow, and an increased metabolism.”

I’m going to be honest. If they could get Debra Winger to reprise her role as Sissy in Urban Cowboy, mount that thing with a cowboy hat and a Lone Star Beer, I’d have my Visa card out right now…Seriously…am I the only one giggling? Okay…whatever…

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16 Responses to “From Hair to Eternity: The Summer Sky Mall Post”

  1. Glynn May 21, 2010 at 7:09 am #

    And the sad thing is — you are not making this up!

    It makes you wonder who flies airplanes, or who the advertisers think fly airplanes.
    .-= Glynn´s last blog ..Red Birds =-.

  2. Cassandra Frear May 21, 2010 at 8:21 am #

    Apparently my hair is falling out. My hairdresser said it’s thin in one place on top now. She thinks it’s probably due to stress.

    Stress? What stress? That’s a silly idea.

    Anyway, I go to get my hair cut today and I get to listen to how much hair I’m losing again. I’m thinking I may need some of these products. I could use the coil thingy on my upper lip, too.

    Thanks so much for sharing.
    .-= Cassandra Frear´s last blog ..Pausing for Technical Difficulties =-.

  3. Lyla Lindquist May 21, 2010 at 8:33 am #

    Sea monkey principle.

    .-= Lyla Lindquist´s last blog ..On Bowling Scores and How God Says “Ick” =-.

  4. Kathleen May 21, 2010 at 9:09 am #

    Hope that giddyup girl has a big roll of quarters. She could use some spurs methinks.
    .-= Kathleen´s last blog ..En Gedi =-.

  5. Megan Willome May 21, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    You got my morning off to a great start, Katdish! Thanks for re-posting, since I’m new around here.
    .-= Megan Willome´s last blog ..When You Can’t Pray … =-.

  6. Marni May 21, 2010 at 10:19 am #

    I don’t think that “core exerciser” is supposed to be used in the living room. Just sayin…

  7. Kathy May 21, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    🙂 you crack me up!
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Updates… =-.

  8. jasonS May 21, 2010 at 1:24 pm #

    I am deeply offended by this post. How dare you pick on us who are follicly challenged? It’s disgraceful!

    Nah, I’m over it. I cut my hair (really) short and moved on (for the most part). The funny thing is that when I started losing my hair, I had a woman who cut my hair (also a cousin by marriage) who insisted she didn’t see any thinning. I kept saying I was going to shave it all off and she would reassure me & act like it was still as thick as ever (used to have REALLY thick curly hair- I know, right?). Anyway, where was I going with this?

    Oh yeah, I’m mad that you would point out products that highlight some people have hair issues- totally insensitive. Was that my point? I don’t know. I’m getting out of here…
    .-= jasonS´s last blog ..Light Friday Hit List: 5/21/10 =-.

    • katdish May 21, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

      Oh, Jason! Bald is beautiful!

  9. Helen May 21, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    I have always had VERY thick hair. So much so that my mom always wanted me to get it “thinned out”. But I’ve seen too many commercials and pictures like you’ve shown. One day it might “thin out” on it’s own, and I’ll me grateful that I had all this hair, yes, even in the summer.
    .-= Helen´s last blog ..The Gift of Grace =-.

  10. Maureen May 21, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    Uh, do those suction cups come with a guarantee to stick on wet surfaces?
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..Cave Story (Poem) =-.

  11. ~Brenda May 21, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

    I’m so laughing out loud!! Especially at the last one, Miss Giddyup. I noticed she’s galloping right in front of her window. I’d be getting some curtains if I were her….

    As for the hair, mine is thick, long, and wiry (kinda like my leg hair that we talked about the other day). People say they envy it. But the grass is always greener on the other side. Ya’ always want what you don’t have.

    I suppose when I’m old, I’ll be thankful for the thick hair.
    .-= ~Brenda´s last blog ..the gift of goosebumps =-.

  12. Sandra Heska King May 21, 2010 at 5:51 pm #

    Is the Hairmax Laser Comb guy for sale? He’s pretty cute.
    .-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..Let It Be =-.

  13. laura May 21, 2010 at 6:40 pm #

    Oh, sky mall. Where have you been all my life?

    I’ve been around how long, and I don’t have any of this crap? Wow. I’m missing out.

    Freaky stuff!
    .-= laura´s last blog ..On Lederhosen and Orhodontist Phobias =-.

  14. Duane Scott May 21, 2010 at 6:51 pm #

    I’m not gonna lie. I want that swimming apparatus.

    I’ve even got my credit card out. Stop me!
    .-= Duane Scott´s last blog ..we are walking =-.

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