Google Analytics Keyword Searches – A public apology
So, I’ve been here at the new place for awhile and wanted to check how my numbers have been doing since I made the switch. I’ll be honest. I hardly ever check analytics–obviously. Because when I went to check my numbers for the new website I discovered that I never set it up properly, and according to google analytics, I have had 0 visitors thus far. I’m fairly confident that number is not accurate. Stupid technology…
Anyway, my favorite thing to do when I check my blog stats is to check the keyword searches. But since I understand time is a valuable commodity, I wanted to take this opportunity to publically apologize for those who were searching for information on the following topics and ended up on my old blog, Hey Look a Chicken:
- Topps the Slender Giant
- 698368919911
- Can I take toppik hair fibers on the plane?
- Depravate mom tube
- Do not look at this chicken
- Dog stocking stuffers
- LED pimp hat
- Longenberger small spoon craigslist
- Patterns for making a chicken pillow
- Step mother info chicken dog
- wicked epic chicken pictures
- And, of course, as always: Annie K boobs (seriously – what is it with you people?)
So…if you check your analytics, what are some of your faves?
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Here’s some from crazychristianclips.com
why cant christians spell (love the irony of them misspelling “can’t”)
say it and spell it
qristian klips
is singapore christian crazy (not the ones i met)
god loves birds (indeed)
female bears are eating my friends (is that better or worse than male bears eating them?)
christian клипы
christian author bieber
calvinists are crazy
that video crazy christians dancing (because google totally knows what you mean by “that video”)
michael jackson the evil one
michael jackson bedtime prayers
greek christians certain bedtime
first comes denial love
christian bible song about a acorn
“enter your email” subscribe religious
Joanna – those are AWESOME. God DOES love birds. Indeed.
Um….. how do I find my analytics? Oh no. I didn’t even know I had anlytics. What are analytics!
Seriously…. analytics? I’m just happy to find my blog still exists every morning!
.-= Louise´s last blog ..Aging is just a state of mind =-.
If you haven’t set them up, you likely don’t have them
It should be noted that when I say “I didn’t set it up properly”, what I meant to say is “I sent Peter Pollock the wrong code”. Because I don’t know how to do that kind of stuff…
Funny! I have no clue about any of those stat/techy things with my blog, I just ramble there…..
….but my question is this;
What is a Depravate mom tube and should I be searching for one for myself?
.-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog ..To ink…..or not to ink….. =-.
I was afraid to ask.
Very afraid.
If you find one, let me know. I have no clue.
so I went a-searching for “depravate” even meant….no entry found. Being the sleuth that I am, I found depravity which was described as being in a depraved state…..
*crickets chirping*
…..shamelessly admitting that I didn’t know what that could possibly be, I found out that “depraved” was defined as corrupted, wicked, or perverted. neat.
So I am pretty sure I am *not* in need of a depravate mom tube.
.-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog ..To ink…..or not to ink….. =-.
newdaynewlesson
newdaynewlesson.com
chewing gum while working
build a brick house analogy
don’t just complain do something
i believe happiness is a way of traveling – what does this mean?
happiness is not a destination but a travel quote
Happiness is a way of travel – not a destination photos
what costs nothing but feels great
roland tanglao
remember that happiness is a means of travel
a mistake is a lesson in disguise
think about someone
husband humor
5th year of marriage wonderful journey
apology best served warm
new day new lesson
appreciate when it’s gone
LOL with my keywords cause except for roland tanglao who I have no idea who that is, the keywords are all spot on.
.-= susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..Take A Moment To Remember Someone You Loved =-.
Aside from the Ronald Tanglao search, yours seems like most found what they were looking for.
I’d just blame Peter Pollack.
And, of course, I don’t know how to check analytics, let alone, try to install something.
.-= sherri´s last blog ..A Short Course in Human Relations =-.
That’s a shame, Sherri. I bet you have some dooseys.
You are awesome. Those are some of the best keywords ever. Yours are always great. Mine are generally very relevant to my blog/comic. That’s just disappointing.
.-= bman´s last blog ..Apologetic Priorities =-.
Oh. Sorry. I meant to tell you about my LED pimp hat search. Seeing your blog WAS very disappointing.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..Of canines and “chocolate eggs” =-.
LOL! By far the best comment I’ve seen all week on ANY blog!
.-= @bibledude´s last blog ..where you are [by jeremy horn] =-.
Pillsbury Dough Man
please just call me lady
random yeast infection
marshmallow bunny peeps knockoff
not going to let the elevator take us down no no let’s go
“you shall have no strange cats before me”
breast nibbling
About half of these are relevant to my blog. I’m not going to say which half…
.-= Helen´s last blog ..Vacations: A Public Service Announcement… =-.
Breast nibbling? I bet it’s the same perv who Google’s about Annie K’s boobs.
It would have made sense on @weightwhat ‘s blog, what with her posts on bra snacks….
.-= Helen´s last blog ..Vacations: A Public Service Announcement… =-.
Probably the strangest was someone why googled the entire URL for one of my posts.
Which raises two questions:
1. Where did they get it?
2. If they had it, why did they need to use google?
Strangest recent result was “women’sbreef”. Boy, I bet he was dissapointed with what he found.
.-= Sharkbait´s last blog ..Caffeinated Randomness – I can’t hear you. =-.
I do know people who don’t seem to know the difference between the address bar and the search box in their browser so it could have been someone putting it in the wrong box.
“sick child jumpy in sleep” is the weirdest analytic I’ve gotten lately. But then again, those 5 words do sum up my parenting experiences nicely…
Okay, I honestly don’t know how to check my google analytics search words.
But I was definitely entertained by yours!
.-= Duane Scott´s last blog ..the dark side of emptiness =-.
I also like the ones we get for our work website:
–Did Jesus fart? (We don’t talk about Jesus’ gastrointestinal issues on our site, but I could be wrong)
–Jesus curly and long hair (Let your SOUUUULLLL GLOOOOOWWWWW)
–Indiana Jones (ummm, okay)
–I need coffee! (oops, my addiction must somehow come through during my webmaster tinkering)
Marni, don’t you just love questions about Jesus’s body functions? He was fully human as well as fully divine! The fact that the God of the universe came down from His heaven to deal with the same scheiss the rest of us do is what makes the incarnation so incredible! (incredible as in wonderful, not as in no creds…)
Indiana Jones probably has something to do with the Holy Grail movie..
Coffee is a holy drink, filled with the Spirit. I shout “HALLELUJAH!” after my first sip in the morning!
.-= Helen´s last blog ..Vacations: A Public Service Announcement… =-.
I never did find that pattern for a chicken pillow.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Mmmm… Donuts =-.
Is a visitor’s graph considered an analytic? I checked mine a few times but after it flat-lined for 5 days in a row I thought it was dead and decided to just not go there.
From the most technologically challenged user on the internet-Okiewife
Do mothballs deter snakes?
How to get superman write you a letter
Stupid illustrations
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Pretending To Wash Your Hands =-.
I forgot a few more:
Ricky Martin Can’t sing…He lip synces
Pants unzipped
shooting drink out your nose…
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Pretending To Wash Your Hands =-.
I love finding out what brings people to me…and I get scared too…I can’t believe that pimp hats, chickens and dogs got people to you LOL
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..A guest post =-.
I was fired up once when I got “Praise the Lord” as a keyword search. More benign, “What does NOTW mean?” Don’t get, “for a change when we are afraid let’s not hide it for a change when we hold each others hand lyrics.” Just noticed this one, “if I hurt a bird will gad [sic] hurt me.” And after using “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals” for a post title more than a year ago, I still get searches for those lyrics.
LOL, throwing Peter under the bus (BINGO!). I’m telling.
.-= Frank´s last blog ..Baseball and Buffalo Wings =-.
Unfortunately, because I write on issues of human trafficking, I get hits from searches that really sadden me because I know they’re looking for child pornography. I see these terms pop up and I wish I had a way to track these people down:
15 year old school girl have sex the dad
15years school girls sex pictures
15yr boys and girls doing sex images
school girls sex pictures
catholic school girl sex
There’s literally hundreds more of those kinds of entries. There are a few I found amusing like the searches for my name along with “pastor.” Um…unless God put me in a job I don’t know about there’s no Pastor Jason Wert here!
Other top ones:
matthew paul turner
Is Rebecca St. James a virgin?
unruly children
Marcyjo’s mealhouse (note: if you’re around Nashville, you HAVE to eat at this place!)
dangerous prayer
Deborah Norville
clothes taken off
bad boy Pete Wilson
daffy duck bandages
.-= Jason´s last blog ..Phony and fake =-.
Some of your keyword searches sound like the spam comments I have to delete on a daily basis. We truly live in a broken world. No doubt about that.
And “bad boy Pete Wilson”? Surely not our Pete Wilson!
I hope it’s not our Pete Wilson or else we need to call an elder’s meeting quickly!
.-= Jason´s last blog ..Phony and fake =-.
I would just like to peer inside the brain of the person who types “Do not look at this chicken” on Google. I mean, what is that about? So weird!
.-= jasonS´s last blog ..Light Friday Hit List: 6/4/10 =-.
Laura’s the one who’s doing that 31-day thing. Maybe you should ask her.
.-= Maureen´s last blog ..A Powerful Pull (Poem) =-.
Aw, that just made me sad! My blog is so new (read: unpopular?) that I only have two.
–life is good pray
–still sending gifts
I’m okay with those.
.-= Lainie Gallagher´s last blog ..The Day Jesus Walked up to My Car, Part One =-.
“Does Candy Steele have a blog?” I may have done that one myself during a long dry spell.
“baby ate a fiber from a furnace filter” – ookaaaay then
“elliptical machine hell”
“having.shower.with.mother.in.law”
“how do i tell my mother-in-law that i am not comfortable with hugging”
“sharing pantys with motherinlaw stories”
“til i’m breaking a sweat”
Sorry, nothing here. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?? My poor mother-in-law would roll over in her grave.
.-= Candy´s last blog ..Tasty Bites: Spinach Blueberry Salad with Lemon Poppy Seed Dressing =-.
What a fun post!
This spring I went through a pretty significant redesign on my site. At that time, the guy doing the site for me signed me up to receive my weekly analytics report via email. Until he did that, I seldom checked my stats. Now I at least glance at the brief summary, which doesn’t include keywords. It took me a little while to access. Here’s my list is not nearly as fun as the ones mentioned above!
culturesmith facebook settings teens
culture smith consulting
culturesmith
culture smith
culturesmith consulting
cheryl smith (I’m sure some folks were disappointed, given the other famous Cheryl Smith is a dead porn star)
john chandler huddle groups
cheryl facebook
cheryl smith consulting
cheryl smith facebook
culture consulting
smith consulting
smith culture
I guess this says if people are looking for me, they can find me. But am I missing some keyword opportunities based on my content (other than facebook). All food for thought.
.-= Cheryl Smith´s last blog ..Barbies, Poetry and Community =-.
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