Letting myself go (by Billy Coffey)
The truth is this—men are just as vain as women, and maybe even more so. We look into mirrors, too. We primp and trim and flex. We do. Even me.
We understand the rules of inevitability. Time will march on and drag us with it. Hair will turn gray and fall out. The six pack will turn into a keg. And for the most part, we’re good with that. The point isn’t to stand in the breach and beat back the ravages of our days. The point is to walk with it gracefully.
Here’s another commonality between men and women—they’re both easily insulted when it comes to looks. I’m not talking about things like, “Dang, you’re ugly.” We don’t mind that. Things like that actually make us laugh.
I’m talking more this: “Dang, you’ve really let yourself go.”
Ouch.
From my own personal research, this is the single most destructive thing you can say to anyone, man or woman, from the age of about thirty-five on. No one wants to hear that they’ve let themselves go. They want to hang on and keep up. They want to master and not be mastered.
And yet as I write this, I’m about to do just that.
I’m letting myself go.
By the time the sun rises over the mountains in my front yard, I’ll be heading over them. For one very short and much-needed week, I’m trading country for ocean.
It’s a good trade.
Family legend states that my ancestors were fishermen and voyagers, brave men who sought refuge from a crowded world by fleeing to lonely seas. And even though time and circumstance has put the mountains in my blood, the ocean still calls to me. It doesn’t tell me to relax in the sand with a good book.
It tells me to let myself go.
It tells me to walk down to the shoreline and leave my stress and worries where the tides can whisk them away. To feel the salt air grip me and wrap me into itself to form a boundary both thin and unbreakable to keep the nasties away.
That’s why I go to the ocean.
Not merely to rest, but to find my better me.
One of these days, I’m going to figure out a way to bring that better me home. I keep trying and I keep getting better at it, but I just can’t seem to make it stick. Sooner or later, the rhythms of the waves begin to fade into the sound of wind through the trees, the salt air turns sweet with honeysuckle, and I realize I’m back home.
And then I think that maybe I’m not. Maybe this place, this small town nestled at the bottom of ancient mountains, is merely where I live.
Maybe my home is indeed among the lonely seas of my ancestors, where there is freedom and wind and sail.
Maybe not.
Because at some point those very ancestors dreamed of a day when they could put away their nets and trade their dreary lives for better ones in a faraway land where freedom was real.
No more Irish winters spent in bitter waters and tossing seas. They wanted the easier seasons and the fertile soil of the Shenandoah Valley.
Here I am dreaming of their reality, while generations ago they were dreaming of mine.
I wonder of us. Not just of them and me, but you and me. We are all wanderers at heart, always longing for more and new, when perhaps if we just let ourselves go, we’d find that less and the same is all we need.
To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at his blog What I Learned Today and follow him on twitter at @BillyCoffey
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I need to run away too and the beach sounds like a lovely option.
Always a pleasure to read a blog post by you Billy. Have a great vacation! And dude, let yourself go.
.-= Duane Scott´s last blog ..change is possible =-.
Why are we so prone to obsess so over our earthsuits? (Man, mine could use a good ironing!) Why on earth do we let our outside control so much of what our inside feels, what it thinks, and the mood that we’re in… when it is totally irrelevant to our eternity? All I’ve got to say is… is that I’m thrilled to hear us girls, aren’t alone in our obsessing. And yes, I’ve watched it, you guys sure enjoy your mirrors!
Have a great time at the beach, Mr. Billy! It’s good for the soul!
This was a beautiful post…It made me think of that quote by Anne Morrow Lindbergh that says, ‘The loneliness you get by the sea is personal and alive. It doesn’t subdue you and make you feel abject. It’s stimulating loneliness.’
The sea stirs up all sorts of thought and emotion for me too…hoping you have a wonderful holiday.
.-= Joyce´s last blog ..A Peaceful Easy Feeling Never Gets Old =-.
I used to wonder where the me I found went after I returned from a peaceful time to my routine. Was I a little crazy? Did I have a disorder? Why did it seem as though there were two of me?
We are in the process of becoming. The person inside who isn’t always there will be me one day. Only improved. For we are God’s workmanship. He isn’t finished with us.
Enjoy the ocean.
.-= Cassandra Frear´s last blog ..The Edge of Glory =-.
Just back from a week at the edge of Lake Superior — there is something so refreshing about water…even water that’s not ocean (I am biased toward the Atlantic).
I came back recharged, but yet I’m facing re-depletion already. So hard to hold onto the ephemeral vacation me — I hope you are better able to do it when you return!
.-= Michelle DeRusha´s last blog ..The Forgiven =-.
It seems if we could blend what we find in our beach time with our “grace of a normal day,” we would be in a pretty good place all the time. Perhaps God created that sweet spot to be elusive so that in our quest, we would actually find more of Him and less of us.
May God bless your family’s vacation with lots of sandcastles, bare feet, long walks and foamy waves…
Blessings.
.-= A Simple Country Girl´s last blog ..Introductions =-.
Oh Billy. This is beautiful. One thing I loved about living in Georgia was just being a hop and a skip from either mountains or ocean. In Michigan, we have some hills–and we’re not that far from a great lake. But there’s something about the ocean.
We don’t get away and let ourselves go enough. Adding that to the to-do list.
Enjoy! Prayers go with you.
.-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..Sizzling Hot Abs =-.
For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea. – e.e. cummings
seemed like an appropriate quote to share…….great post!
.-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog ..Proverbs 27:27 =-.
Gave me chills (and made me wish I was heading out to “let myself go” instead of schlepping kids to and from camp all week). Beautiful. LOVE the thought of Here I am dreaming of their reality, while generations ago they were dreaming of mine.
Just wow
.-= Joanne Sher´s last blog ..Imitation: Word-Filled Wednesday =-.
This gave me chills (and made me wish I were “letting myself go” instead of schlepping my kids to and from camp all week). As usual, you grabbed me from the get-go and never let me go.
Loved this line:
Here I am dreaming of their reality, while generations ago they were dreaming of mine.
So true.
Wow. Enjoy your beach.
.-= Joanne Sher´s last blog ..Imitation: Word-Filled Wednesday =-.
Ahh the sea.
I hope your sojourn feeds your spirit and rests your soul.
Enjoy!
.-= Louise´s last blog ..Passages: 100 boats. 100 people. 100 ways to reach the sea =-.
a restless heart… I get that.
.-= Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog ..i ♥ faces – all about babies =-.
You nailed it! A fine carpenter you are, Mr. Coffey.
.-= sherri´s last blog ..Have a seat….. =-.
Enjoy it Billy! Waking up to the sound of the pounding surf is like nothing else – let go!
Great post! I completely agree with your statement of loving where you live, “close but spread out”. That is why I have always liked this mid-atlantic Md,Va,DC area. You can do both mountains and sea easily. My two favorites. I went nuts living in OK with no “real” water nearby and no mountain peaks to view the surrounding world from.
Enjoy your week at the beach! and if you figure out how to actually leave all that stress at the beach and not have it waiting for you when you get back… let us in on the secret!
.-= Sharon´s last blog ..Day 6 "Fluid" =-.
I’ve been away from the blog world too long…only after reading thoughtful, soulful posts like this do I remember it. Enjoy finding yourself by the sea.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..The Flag for Which We Stand =-.
Have a wonderful time down by the sea.
.-= Maureen´s last blog ..Thought for the Day =-.
There is nothing quite like the ocean. It is the perfect place. If you figure out the mystery of how to bring the feeling home and keep it there, please let us all know!
Enjoy the letting go.
I’m all about letting myself go.
Have fun at the beach! I’ll have to say that with 50 degree temps lately, I’m a little envious. Ok, a lot envious. But I still hope you have a great time. Can’t wait to hear what you’ll be reflecting on.
Bon Voyage!
And by the way … I completely agree with that last paragraph.
That last line is a quotable. Excellent post once again, Billy.
~ Wendy
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Questions I Ask Myself =-.
I always feel at home on the beach. I’m glad you’re getting a vacation and hope that you get all that you need while you’re there
As one who doesn’t have the luxury of getting “more and new” I can tell you that you really appreciate the little things…a blooming flower, a singing bird, a perfect cloud. Those are just three of the things that make my day.
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..OK, so I’m slacking a little already =-.
Jealous…
.-= laura´s last blog ..The Church of the Holy Jeans =-.
I’ve had a struggle between the whole, I don’t want to eventually become a fat, middle-aged white dude and wanting more time to write. I’ve been running and going to the gym, but have spent less time researching and writing. Ugh. I get what you’re talking about, this is just how it’s playing out for me.
.-= Jake´s last blog ..Life of the Believer 2: Sweat =-.