For over a year, katdish has paraded countless guest bloggers onto her blog. Week after week, I’ve sat in silence as she has cajoled all kinds of people to write about all kinds of subjects. But when I saw her perusing the Sky Mall catalog for pet products, I knew I would be uniquely qualified to contribute my expert commentary on the subject matter.

Oh, wait…Forgive me. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Buddy Love. You may not hear from me much, but I am never far from your little Internet world. Granted, I am usually asleep, but still…I’m here for you. You’re welcome.

Okay…let’s do this thing:

Can I just say that you people are obsessed with poop? There are over 20 products in the Sky Mall catalog either directly or indirectly related to the retrieval of pet excrement. Here are just a few:

Dog Trainer Device: $39.95

“Our new Dog Trainer Device is designed to quickly train your puppy or adult dog to use a designated area of your yard, thus eliminating damage to other areas of your landscape! Just place the 4 1/2 in x 7 in x 3/4 in block in the proper area and it draws your pet like a magnet with its special scent ingredients that are irresistible to dogs.”

I’m about to save you 40 bucks plus shipping and handling. Are you ready? Here goes:

Have another dog pee in your yard.

There you go.

Now that you’ve “trained” your dog to poop in a designated area, I’m guessing it’s getting pretty unsightly in that little corner of your world. But do you really want to be touching that stuff? I’m guessing no. Never fear, Sky Mall is thinking of you:

Pooch Power Shovel: $99.99

It’s almost like having someone else pick up your dog’s waste.
There’s no bending, scooping or even touching. In fact, with the push-button convenience of the Pooch Power Shovel, it’s the next best thing to having someone else do the picking up for you. This amazingly lightweight powered pooper-scooper vacuums waste directly into specially designed biodegradable bags.

“It’s almost like having someone else pick up your dog’s waste.” Is this a goal that people strive to achieve? To arrive at a station in life where you can afford to hire someone else to pick up your dog’s poop? I thought that was what children were for. What do I know? I’m just a dog.

I live where people have yards. Pretty big yards at that. And the neighbors are generally not offended if other neighborhood dogs poop in their yard. But I understand there are those of you who don’t actually have yards. City dwellers and the like. What’s a dog to do? (Or doo-doo, as the case may be.) Fear not, gentle urban reader. There’s a product made just for you:

The Porch Potty: $279.99

Keep tails wagging by making life for your best friend better with the Porch Potty Premium. Perfect for porches, patios or decks, the Porch Potty Premium is like having your own backyard or greenway wherever you live. This outdoor, self-rinsing grass litter box for dogs features pop-up sprinklers and synthetic grass fitted atop a specially designed platform that allows fluids to drain away

I suppose you could throw some astroturf on a wooden crate and keep a garden hose handy, but does that come with a cute little fake fire hydrant? Me thinks not…

So far, I’ve covered poop related products for dogs. But lest you think I haven’t considered the sanitary needs of cats, I thought I would let you know about a revolutionary product for the containment of cat waste. I know–today’s your lucky day:

Litter Robot: $314.99

The 24/7 self-cleaning litter box!
Frequently away from your favorite feline? Let the LITTER ROBOT help. Self cleaning litter box features a patented sifting process that’s automatically activated just minutes after the cat leaves the box, transferring waste into a hidden drawer, then refilling with the remaining clean litter.

Over three hundred bucks…

For a litter box…

For cats…

to poop in…

Enough said.

Well, I think that just about covers my review of poop related Sky Mall pet products. Join me next time when I will offer my review of other pet products made to make your life easier. And mine just a little more humiliating.