The fear of letting go (by Billy Coffey)
image courtesy of photobucket.com
The wails were coming from near the concession stand on the other end of the parking lot where I had noticed a church group was selling hot dogs and offering to wash cars. We all turned in the general direction and wondered what had caused the commotion.
None of us saw anything until my son pointed into the sky and said, “Look!”
We did, but there seemed to be nothing but blue sky and sunshine. But then I squinted and saw it. High above us, dancing with a hawk.
A balloon.
My daughter took the opportunity to offer her usual take of part philosophy and part practicality: “You gotta hang on to stuff,” she said. “If you don’t, it’ll just float away.”
Point taken.
My family finished shopping, winding into one store and out another, until we had each crossed our necessities off our respective lists. The end brought us to the concession stand. Hot dogs and a car wash were offered, but only the hot dogs were accepted. “I wash my own cars,” I told the nice lady. She didn’t understand. Guy thing.
“You two want a balloon?” I asked the kids. Which was a stupid question, really. What kid doesn’t want a balloon? I’m thirty-eight years old, and I wanted one.
They inched their way over to the huge tank of helium and gawked at what the church people offered. There were red balloons and blue balloons. White, black, pink, purple, yellow, orange. Big ones and little ones and all sizes between. I assumed they were trying to figure out which color and size to get. I was wrong. They were trying to decide if they really wanted one or not.
They chose not.
“Seriously?” I asked them. “You really don’t want a balloon.”
“No,” my daughter said.
My son’s mouth was full of hot dog, so he just shook his head.
“They have pink,” I said to my daughter, “And blue,” to my son.
No thanks.
“What’s the matter with you two?” I asked.
Their answer came not by their words, but from their looks. Up.
“You won’t lose your balloons,” I said. “We’re getting ready to leave. All you have to do is hang onto them long enough to get to the truck.”
No. From both.
“We have hot dogs,” my son said after he swallowed. “I don’t want to have to hold a balloon and a hot dog. I won’t be able to hold on tight. I’d let one of them go.”
“Me too,” my daughter said.
“I can help. I’ll hold the balloons for you.”
“But what if you let go?”
I told them I wouldn’t, but that didn’t seem to pacify them. They knew from experience that Daddy, while good in most things, sometimes dropped stuff. Normally this would not be a bad thing, since what’s dropped can just be picked up. But as we had all learned from the wailing earlier, balloons don’t fall when they’re dropped.
“So neither of you want a balloon?”
No.
“Because you’re afraid it’ll fly away?”
Yes.
“You gotta hang onto stuff,” my daughter said again. “If you don’t, it’ll just fly away.”
That was true, I thought, and not just with balloons. Lots of things would fly away if you let go of them. Good things. Things like dreams and friendships and love. You have to hang on to those. Keep your grip on them loose, and they’ll go away and leave you wailing.
But even worse than that is to never take hold of those things in the first place. To let the fear of What If overtake the pleasure of What Could Be.
I knew that from experience. There were plenty times in my life when I never tried because I was afraid I would fail. I didn’t want to see my balloon fly away. I would have rather been safe than hurt.
I knew better now. And I hoped my kids would someday know better, too.
Because the only thing worse than watching your balloon fly away is never having a balloon in the first place.
To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at his blog What I Learned Today and follow him on twitter at @BillyCoffey
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I’m holding on tight to my dreams. (now I have that song in my head)
And I agree with you, you are never too old for a balloon.
.-= T. Anne´s last blog ..Quick Question Friday =-.
so true – sometimes we rather stay safe…
i’m just about to let go a “balloon” – it’s my 19 year old daughter who will leave next monday to spend a year abroad…and it’s not easy to let go – but i’m so thankful for the time i was allowed to hold her and now it’s time to fly…
thanks for this nice analogy on life…
claudia
.-= Claudia´s last blog ..160 – Broken pottery =-.
“Lots of things would fly away if you let go of them. Good things. Things like dreams and friendships and love. You have to hang on to those. Keep your grip on them loose, and they’ll go away and leave you wailing…. But even worse than that is to never take hold of those things in the first place. To let the fear of What If overtake the pleasure of What Could Be.”
That quote is worth all the blog reading I’ve done (or will likely do) today. Thanks for sharing it. Wow.
.-= Scott Couchenour´s last blog ..Dont Stop Growing Vol 7 =-.
That last line again…yup. You nailed it. Love this.
.-= Joanne Sher´s last blog ..Our Precious Blooms =-.
I don’t want to be afraid of balloons. Thanks, Billy; I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear this today.
.-= Rebekah @ It Only Gets Better´s last blog ..You Capture – Summer =-.
I always love the way you take the simple things from life and turn them in deep lessons.
.-= susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..The Longer You Wait The More You Appreciate Something =-.
That last line reminds me of that Dr. Seuss quote ““Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
Great analogy…and like Claudia mentions in her comment, I am going through the same chapter of having to “let go” of my oldest son. Not necessarily in the sense of him leaving to go abroad, but just in the general sense of growing into an adult and allowing him to make his own choices/decisions. (so hard!). But part of the beauty of letting go is the reward of realizing that he will be OK. He will take the risks, get bruised…..but he will get back up and prevail.
.-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog ..System Restore =-.
My balloons are my children who either have moved states away or 31/2 hours away and it’s so hard to let them go. But, Billy you are so right. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I had never had them in the first place.
I not only enjoyed your writing and perspective, but I also feel a little better about them leaving. At least I had them.
Thanks for the gift of realization.
God Bless
.-= Cynthia Schuerr´s last blog ..My review of Donna Caricks The First Excellence =-.
I experience the same fear your children were experiencing quite often. Fear of failure trips me up from time to time. But you’re right, we must let go of the fear and risk letting go or we might not reach that success we strive for.
.-= Heather Sunseri´s last blog ..An Uphill Climb =-.
Wow, this has so many applications! Can’t wait for your book, Billy
Man, this is really good. I can’t help but think of how often I haven’t done something or I have not asked just because I was afraid.
.-= michael´s last blog ..When Faith & Fear Collide =-.
So… there is another angle to this story and that is the service you have given the world by not buying helium filled balloons…
Helium is vital in medical services and there is a world scarcity of it and the balloons if they do fly away — as well as in the landfill — kills birds and….
See — not taking hold in this case was a good thing!
Dreams are meant to fly and when we hold them too tight to our hearts they don’t get air to breathe…
I do agree with everyone — you have a beautiful way of taking simple daily events and tuning them into your heart space.
.-= Louise´s last blog ..cosmic bowling – One Stop Poetry Challenge =-.
I don’t want fear of loss to stop me from reaching out to hold…
Billy, you’ve captured my heart, again…
Just when we think we have these kids pegged, they always dance their own jig.
What about those kids who want a balloon just so they can let it go and watch it from a round, recognizable shape to as it floats into a mere pin-hole in God’s blue sky? What then? (I am talking literally, not figuratively. If I was talking figuratively I would be really confused. Uh, even more confused)
Blessings.
.-= A Simple Country Girl´s last blog ..What Day Is It =-.
So true! Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.” (Mark Twain?) The only way to do this is to let go of past failures.
.-= Annie McMahon´s last blog ..WriteOnCon! =-.
Holding on too tight can also make you afraid, and fear paralyzes.
.-= Maureen´s last blog ..Saturday Sharing My Finds Are Yours =-.
Playing it safe is such a comfortable temptation. Usually what gets me moving though is ‘what if I don’t grab hold?’ We aren’t guaranteed second opportunities and certainly not second lives. I need to remember this more. Thanks Billy.
.-= jasonS´s last blog ..God is Good- So What =-.
Great blog and so true! I know people who never want a balloon in the first place because they imagine all sorts of bad things happening to it. You can’t reason with them either. They are content to sit and do nothing rather than risk failure to get something.
My kids’ dentist gives out balloons, and it seems after every visit, no matter how tight I tie the balloons to their wrists, someone’s floats away. I’m the one who is afraid of balloons flying away now!
A great lesson in a great story!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..The Tea Party =-.
I think you should have bought yourself a balloon.
.-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..Carried Away =-.
What a great analogy. Thanks, Billy!
.-= Deb Holmes´s last blog ..my kind of business trip =-.
Yup, I’m with Susie. I’m always amazed by the lessons you find in everyday life. I think I need to open my eyes more.
Speaking of balloons…I’ll never forget when Rowan (5) had a balloon in the car. It was a windy day (not uncommon in NE). I opened the sliding door of the van, and whoosh, the balloon got sucked right out in an instant, and was yards above our heads in just a blink of an eye. Much howling commenced. Rowan never let me forget it. Every time he’s had a balloon in the car since, I get the warning, “Mommy…don’t open the door until I say so.” There’s a lesson in there somewhere, too, I think.
.-= Michelle@ Graceful´s last blog ..Entitled to Grace =-.
I would like a nice big red one.
It’s been a long time since I’ve said yes to a helium balloon–though I have different reasons for saying no.
You have made me change my mind, Billy.
.-= laura´s last blog ..Today =-.
A lost green balloon turned out to be a great blessing during a difficult time in our life.
Several years ago, our youngest daughter lost her balloon in a HyVee grocery parking lot. It drifted high and fast, and she sobbed in her car seat as it floated away.
A couple years later, her grandpa died, and she told me: “Mommy, he’s got that green balloon that I lost at the grocery store. It was waiting for him in Heaven, and God gave it to him.”
That green balloon gave her great comfort as she grieved his death.
Sometimes, it seems, the things we hold tight were meant to fly away for reasons we could never have understood when we first lost them.
.-= Jennifer@GDWJ´s last blog ..How Life Feels Like a Road Trip =-.
Oh so true… what a great visual!