The legend continues, Part Three (I know, right?)
image courtesy of google images "Walla Walla wine tasting"
If you’ve been following along at home (The legend continues, Part One and The legend continues, Part Two), you are aware that a butler matching the description of the Pornographic Cheese Butler who once resided in my local grocery store was spotted in Walla Walla wine country, Washington by roving reporter Darlene aka A Simple Country Girl. You also know her reports have raised suspicions that this is not, in fact, my beloved PCB.
Today, an exclusive interview will give you further insight into this unfolding saga.
And now, in her own words, Darlene:
Okay, I had my husband and son wait in the car while I went inside the place next door to the Bare Buns Butler. It was a winery’s uptown wine-drinking room (what do ya call it? it’s not a bar with beer or a pub with really big mugs of beer)…nice background music, brick wall on one side, wood wall on the other, wood floors, large comfortable looking chairs ever-so purposefully placed to encourage conversation and wine-drinking. The light was gentle (can light be gentle?). Both of the ladies talked in calm, low tones. there was a bar of sorts, fancy tile and ready for wine glasses. I was wearing my skorts, hiking shoes, and a pit-sweaty t-shirt. My sunglasses were atop my head. I had just come from the parent – coach soccer meeting, followed by dinner (I had a veggie laden salad with lots of avocados)…
Now that the scene is set:
Them: Good evening, how are you?
Me: I am good. Thank you. I have an odd question for you, actually more than one question.
One of them: Okay
Me: Do you own that part of the building over there? (pointing to the left)
One of them: It is owned by the same owner that has this place.
Me: Well you see, I have this friend in Texas. I had seen pictures she had taken of a wooden butler dude. He turned up missing one day. (Can anyone turn up missing? Really, that is what I said.) Then I saw this wooden butler next door peaking over a sign. Do you know anything about that fella?
One of them: Yes.
Me: Well, how long has he been here?
One of them: For about one and a half years.
The other one: Yeah, at least. He used to be down there at a furniture store.
Me: Oh, okay.
Now they are looking at me funny–or maybe they were high on wine.
Me: When I first saw him and recognized him I told my friend in Texas. She asked me to find out about his background.
One of them: How horrible. I cannot believe someone stole her wooden butler. She must be so disappointed (she may have said “disturbed”). How long has he been missing? Where are they looking?
Me: I didn’t say he was stolen. He turned up missing. He used to hold cheese in her grocery store. Krogers or something. It must be a southern chain.
One of them: Well I wish someone would steal this guy or the owner would get rid of it. He is really creepy. Really creepy. I have never liked him.
The other one: Yeah, and he has lived in other places in this town for about 10 years.
Me: I thought you just knew about his last couple of years.
The other one: He has been in Walla Walla for at least ten years.
One of them: He is really creepy. I can’t stand him. I don’t like him. (She needed another drink, perhaps.)
Me: Okay, Thanks so much. I know this is really weird but I just had to ask.
One of them: I wonder if she will ever find her butler? She must really be sad that someone stole him.
Me: (walking away) Okay, see you later.
Both of them: Thanks for coming in. Come back when you can sit down and have some wine!
So what have we learned?
Based on this interview and previous photographs, I think we can conclude that this is not my missing PCB. Perhaps a brother? A very creepy brother? Further investigation may be needed on this subject.
I want to express my great appreciation for Darlene’s top notch investigative reporting and interviewing skills which made this story possible. But the story doesn’t end here. You see, I’ve been doing a bit of digging myself and what I’ve unturned may be too upsetting and graphic for those of you with weak constitutions. I am compiling my final notations and cross-checking a few sources (katdish.net = integrity), and will give you my full report on Tuesday of next week. In the meantime, hug your wooden butler today and tell him how much he means to you. You may never get another chance.
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Two words: evil. twin. He just needs a goatee and it would all make sense.
.-= jasonS´s last blog ..I Don’t Want to Write Today =-.
Jason gets it. This PBC is an evil twin that’s been getting around Walla Walla for ten years. That takes a lot of penicillin to keep at it that long, but I digress. I know he’s at least a twin, but maybe you had the evil one. I’m a twin, my brother never made it out though, and my parents have been trying to figure out if I am the good one or the evil one ever since I was born (we all know which one I am)… So I know a thing or two about this.
And as far as “Katdish.net=integrity”, I couldn’t agree more. I wish you reported on more world news because I bet you’d give it to us straight.
.-= Jake´s last blog ..Freedom 3- Not to- but From =-.
What if it’s a secret army? What if they’re everywhere?
I wonder if they’ve ever been sold in a SkyMall catalog.
.-= Glynn´s last blog ..Running Back Roads =-.
Indeed Glynn! I have tears streaming down my face due to your comment. Can’t you see it? Legions of Bare Buns Butlers training in a secluded field. Perhaps it was the rigorous training that caused their pants to wear out and their buns to burst through? Or maybe they took one for the team and donated scraps of their own trousers to create a BBB Union flag? Oh dear, I have gotten too close to my subject during this undercover operation…
What is SkyMall? Is it near Hickville cuz I know where to find that?
.-= A Simple Country Girl´s last blog ..A Little Good News Today =-.
SkyMall! Yes. We must check. Perhaps we can pool and purchase and plant in kat’s yard at 2 a.m.
.-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..The Fragrance of Morning =-.
Oh miss Kathy, I only did as you instructed in the beginning of this BBB saga and I tapped into my inner Katdish.
After hearing that other WW residents have gone looking for him (after they read your posts), my heart beats really fast whenever I drive down Main Street. What if crowds gather to point and gawk and press their faces up against the window pane, trying to steal a hasty peek of his bunnage? Whatever have I done?!
If this one turns up missing (beware the grammar police are tootin’ their bicycle horns at me) I will wet my pillow with tears each night.
Blessings.
(p.s. I did have my hopes on breaking a big-time news story back in the day as a high school journalist…the closest I got until now was busting teacher-coaches for smoking in the coaches lounge prior to athletic events)
.-= A Simple Country Girl´s last blog ..A Little Good News Today =-.
The New York Times featured a story today about public sculpture, posing the question, “Does it elevate taste and educate?” Can you imagine the questions if either BBB or PCB turned up in some public park?
A while back a story appeared about a yard gnome that had been stolen from an upstanding citizen’s yard and sent on a round-the-world journey, complete with pictures of it popping up at places the owner had never been. Maybe PCB is with that dwarf and the three yellow rubber duckies set adrift on the Atlantic (they make land every so often).
Ah, the stories. . . they could go on forever.
.-= Maureen´s last blog ..Facts- New or Not =-.
There’s more?! For the love of Gumby, don’t leave us hanging like this!
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..This weeks twitter ho-down Now your life can go on =-.
Okay, I think I need new glasses. Either that or I’m one sick puppy.
SHUT UP.
Anyway, I read Maureen’s comment on public sculpture. But in the version *I* saw, IT DIDN’T SAY PUBLIC.
Gives a whole new meaning to the Pornographic Cheese Butler, is all I’m saying.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..The Dog Doo Days of Summer- or Why can’t I find a clean towel in this house =-.
I don’t even know you but I am laughing so hard I can barely breathe!
.-= A Simple Country Girl´s last blog ..A Little Good News Today =-.
I see it now. The butler did it!
He stole the cheese (and maybe some wine)
’cause he just wanted to have a really good time
He ran and he ran far way out of town
turning Katdish’s world upside down.
He’s not been seen for quite some time
Perhaps he’s in jail ’cause he can’t pay the fine
for walking around with out his trousers
making people freak ’cause of his bare azz wowzers!
.-= Louise´s last blog ..Mastery of me =-.
Love Walla Walla. They have some of the best wineries ever. I should take a trip up there. To see the PCB of course.
.-= Annie K´s last blog ..An Excellent Use of Time =-.