If you’ve been following along at home (The legend continues, Part One and The legend continues, Part Two), you are aware that a butler matching the description of the Pornographic Cheese Butler who once resided in my local grocery store was spotted in Walla Walla wine country, Washington by roving reporter Darlene aka A Simple Country Girl. You also know her reports have raised suspicions that this is not, in fact, my beloved PCB.
Today, an exclusive interview will give you further insight into this unfolding saga.
And now, in her own words, Darlene:
Okay, I had my husband and son wait in the car while I went inside the place next door to the Bare Buns Butler. It was a winery’s uptown wine-drinking room (what do ya call it? it’s not a bar with beer or a pub with really big mugs of beer)…nice background music, brick wall on one side, wood wall on the other, wood floors, large comfortable looking chairs ever-so purposefully placed to encourage conversation and wine-drinking. The light was gentle (can light be gentle?). Both of the ladies talked in calm, low tones. there was a bar of sorts, fancy tile and ready for wine glasses. I was wearing my skorts, hiking shoes, and a pit-sweaty t-shirt. My sunglasses were atop my head. I had just come from the parent – coach soccer meeting, followed by dinner (I had a veggie laden salad with lots of avocados)…
Now that the scene is set:
Them: Good evening, how are you?
Me: I am good. Thank you. I have an odd question for you, actually more than one question.
One of them: Okay
Me: Do you own that part of the building over there? (pointing to the left)
One of them: It is owned by the same owner that has this place.
Me: Well you see, I have this friend in Texas. I had seen pictures she had taken of a wooden butler dude. He turned up missing one day. (Can anyone turn up missing? Really, that is what I said.) Then I saw this wooden butler next door peaking over a sign. Do you know anything about that fella?
One of them: Yes.
Me: Well, how long has he been here?
One of them: For about one and a half years.
The other one: Yeah, at least. He used to be down there at a furniture store.
Me: Oh, okay.
Now they are looking at me funny–or maybe they were high on wine.
Me: When I first saw him and recognized him I told my friend in Texas. She asked me to find out about his background.
One of them: How horrible. I cannot believe someone stole her wooden butler. She must be so disappointed (she may have said “disturbed”). How long has he been missing? Where are they looking?
Me: I didn’t say he was stolen. He turned up missing. He used to hold cheese in her grocery store. Krogers or something. It must be a southern chain.
One of them: Well I wish someone would steal this guy or the owner would get rid of it. He is really creepy. Really creepy. I have never liked him.
The other one: Yeah, and he has lived in other places in this town for about 10 years.
Me: I thought you just knew about his last couple of years.
The other one: He has been in Walla Walla for at least ten years.
One of them: He is really creepy. I can’t stand him. I don’t like him. (She needed another drink, perhaps.)
Me: Okay, Thanks so much. I know this is really weird but I just had to ask.
One of them: I wonder if she will ever find her butler? She must really be sad that someone stole him.
Me: (walking away) Okay, see you later.
Both of them: Thanks for coming in. Come back when you can sit down and have some wine!
So what have we learned?
Based on this interview and previous photographs, I think we can conclude that this is not my missing PCB. Perhaps a brother? A very creepy brother? Further investigation may be needed on this subject.
I want to express my great appreciation for Darlene’s top notch investigative reporting and interviewing skills which made this story possible. But the story doesn’t end here. You see, I’ve been doing a bit of digging myself and what I’ve unturned may be too upsetting and graphic for those of you with weak constitutions. I am compiling my final notations and cross-checking a few sources (katdish.net = integrity), and will give you my full report on Tuesday of next week. In the meantime, hug your wooden butler today and tell him how much he means to you. You may never get another chance.« « Previous Post: The legend continues, Part Two | Next Post: Wilford Brimley, naked gymnastics & praying for your ungrateful heart » »