Wilford Brimley, naked gymnastics & praying for your ungrateful heart

I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post. I cut quite a few tweets, but still…Apparently I had way too much to talk about with my imaginary friends on the twitter this week. (And yes, Darlene, they are in backwards order, because I’m lazy like that.)

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Okay, folks! See you in a couple of days. Send pizza. http://twitpic.com/2ire7w

#FF @peterpollock My go to geek and website/host guru who tolerates my bossy self.

@karenzach Just remember Karen, you are very special. Just like everyone else. (in reply to karenzach @katdish glad to be one of thousands)

Hey! I just hit 2000 followers! (Not literally, of course.)

@amysorrells Okay…that took a moment to sink in. Now, I’m thoroughly grossed out. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish might that be because no one replaced the TP?)

@MarketerMikeE You’re welcome. And mmm….Taco Bell. (in reply to MarketerMikeE @katdish you made me laff outloud in Taco Bell. Thank you)

@SurfCorp Your hair looks fabulous today, Jacques (in reply to @SurfCorp Make someone successful today. Refer them for a job, fix their flat, compliment their hair, pay them to wash your car. Do something nice)

Usually, my dog doesn’t stink. We go about our lives taking this for granted. Then one day I wake up & he smells like @$$. This is that day.

I don’t know! >RT @br8kthru: @katdish send me another $32.50 & I’ll absolve you from your email chain too. What would you do without me?

Also, please pray for my ungrateful heart, as I am once again going to break another email chain.

@br8kthru Your love offering check is in the mail (in reply to br8kthru @katdish this is what I’m here for. Unfortunately, now you owe me $32.50. )

@br8kthru Thanks, Jason. It gives me peace to know a holy man will be praying for me. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish you and your DVD are in my prayers…)

Okay…totally kidding. Sort of.

It has been said there are no small prayers, so would you join me in praying the UPS man delivers Season 6 of #Lost today? Thanks!

#FF @marni71: In a word, snarktacular!

I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!!! (This is what my kids will hear when they get home.) http://twitpic.com/2in3pd

For hilariously inappropriate yet accidental #hashtags, #FF @CandySteele

Okay. I’ll do a #FF: For great, in-depth stories about dog poo, follow @redclaydiaries

@redclaydiaries Why, thank you evil twin! (in reply to redclaydiaries I haven’t #followfriday’d in FOREVER. Here’s one: @katdish because she’s my evil twin & she’s THIS CLOSE to 2000 followers.)

@CassFrear Good morning! Now I have to google “inimitable” to see if you just insulted or complimented me. (in reply to CassFrear @katdish Morning, you inimitable blogger you! #FF)

Now, that’s more like it >RT @HeatheroftheEO: #FF @katdish Because she’s not sweet

Thanks for the #FF, but are you sure you don’t have me confused w/someone else? >RT @AuthorShauna: #FF @katdish because she’s sweet

@karenzach She could introduce you to the wooden butler of Walla Walla (in reply to karenzach @katdish I have got to get over to meet Darlene. WW is about half-an-hour from me.)

@katiemoon Just so you know, I went ahead and gave myself 5 points. Cuz you’re not the boss of me. (in reply to katiemoon @katdish nope. no points for that.)

@katiemoon I wrote a “change of transportation home” note to a teacher today. Does that count? (in reply to katiemoon When was the last time you sent a handwritten note to someone?)

“Nothing tears a family apart…like a pack of wolves.” – Jack Handey

Just returned from ciriculum/PTA nite at Jr High. Quote: “This will be our only fundraiser this year. Until the next fundraiser”. Huh?

@jewda4 Thanks Jeff. After reading that tweet 3 times, I think I understand what you said. I think I need to refill my ritalin meds.

And….the thats have it! Thank you @Helenatrandom @mansibhatia @St1jere @keithjennings @lightherlamp @Jngla

And by “nerds”, I mean, brilliant wordsmtihs, of course.

Quick! Grammar Nerds: Which is correct?: “something that was better” or “something which was better”? Or does it matter?

Wilford Brimley in Rock me Dia-bee-tus: http://youtu.be/s4LyaNgzy6U

@HeatherSunseri You’re so thoughtful. I keep offering to buy my husband a swimming pool, but he won’t accept my gracious offer. (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish Well, i’m thinking i need to get the box set for my hubby. i’m already looking forward to my selfless gift.)

@HeatherSunseri I have a 9 and 13 year old. And no, when I watch #lost, I lock myself in my office & don’t talk to anyone. (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish Hey, Katdish, don’t you have a ten or eleven year old? have you let them watch #lost ?)

@JeanneDamoff Awesome! I’ll make up some commemorative bible bookmarks to mark the occassion. (in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish I don’t think people actually meet for a “prayer chain.” But if @marni71 promises to wear her sweater and headband, I would come.)

@Helenatrandom I think @billycoffey’s 4th book should be about us. (in reply to Helenatrandom @marni71 @katdish I’m sure he’ll make it up to us at the next workshop. @billycoffey)

@marni71 Perhaps @buzzbyannies or @helenatrandom could provide a meal for the meeting in the crockpot of love. (in reply to marni71 @katdish We all should. Let’s start a prayer chain. I might have an embroidered sweater and headband somewhere, so I can head up the chain)

@marni71 I’m gonna pray for @billycoffey’s ungrateful heart. (in reply to marni71 @katdish I know. Here we’ve been soooo nice to him and @billycoffey yells at us and kicks @Helenatrandom out. So rude.)

@marni71 Yeah! What a jerk! @billycoffey (in reply to marni71 @Helenatrandom That’s just harsh. You’re the peace-maker among us. See if I ever sign up for his stupid workshops again…) (@helenatrandom @marni71 No worries Marns. I was at the same workshop. He had me escorted out by @weightwhat…)

@marni71 Oh, please….@billycoffey would be honored to have our esteemed company. (in reply to marni71 @katdish He yelled, he snapped his fingers and even counted to 5. And we still wouldn’t shut up. Poor Billy.)

@marni71 Some dreams really do come true, Marns. (in reply to marni71 Last night I dreamed I was attending a writing workshop led by @billycoffey. And he kept telling @katdish and I to stop being loud.)

Automated gas pump: Is this a debit card? Me: Yes. Automated gas pump: We no longer accept debit cards Me: Your timing sucks.

Already written over $200 in checks to cover misc. school activities. Good thing we don’t pay outrageous school taxes. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

@Helenatrandom If I was a kid in school, I think you’d be my favorite teacher.

@JeffHolton Well if he does, I claim intellectual property rights. (in reply to JeffHolton @katdish I think it’d also make a good title for a Jimmy Buffet song.)

Okay, not really. I totally ripped that off from @MarketerMikeE . If you DO google “Pornographic Cheese Butler” you will find my blog

Someone googled “Pornographic Cheese Butler” and found this blog post: The Legend Continues, Part 1 http://bit.ly/bt67tr

@CassFrear Katdish beauty tip #2: Dont get pedis in dark, seedy nail salons, U may get an eyelash in your big toe http://twitpic.com/2hwa2n

Shocked my daughter doesn’t know God Bless America. So I start belting it out, loud and proud… “From the mountains, to the prairie, to the oceans….something, something! God Bless America, my home sweet home!

@CassFrear I am a wealth of beauty information. Okay, maybe not so much… (in reply to CassFrear @katdish Have you considered a series on beauty tips, katdish-style?)

Katdish beauty tip: If you’re bangs are too long, using a flat iron on them is not recommended. #hairfail http://twitpic.com/2hvabz

My son’s latest chore is emptying the dishwasher, so I use 3-4 cups a day like he used to do. I’m all about teachable moments.

@dutchhillgirl He’s a little slow… (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish Yeah! You tell him. LOL @billycoffey I thought we already established that women are always right?)

@billycoffey Maybe you need a new cowboy hat. You’re head’s getting too big for that one. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I don’t have to. I know @weightwhat likes me best.)

@billycoffey Oh, stop trying to flatter your way into @weightwhat taking your side.

@weightwhat Cyber fist bump

RT @weightwhat @katdish I think you should put school stickers on @billycoffey’s car. He’s clearly not supportive enough of your kids.

@duane_scott @billycoffey says I’m a bad mom for not putting school stickers on my car, but he’s just being disagreeable. (in reply to duane_scott Would someone mind sharing what Im voting for? // RT @katdish: @billycoffey Blind devotion does not impress me.)

@billycoffey Jealous, much? (in reply to billycoffey @karenzach She only appreciates it when it’s directed at her.)

@billycoffey Blind devotion does not impress me. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Three for me. @duane_scott is with me, too. And he doesn’t even care what it is.)

RT @billycoffey: @katdish Ha! @pauharri is on my team.//Then he’s dead to me.

@billycoffey Oh, please. You should be used to me being right by now. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Never!)

I have 4 in agreement with me, and one opposed. Majority wins. @billycoffey is wrong. (in reply to @billycoffey @katdish You’re a horrible mother.)

Am I a bad mom if I don’t want to put school decals on my car? I really don’t like putting that stuff on my back window.

@Helenatrandom RT @weightwhat: @katdish GAAAAAA!!!! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Wouldn’t you just hate to be the one with the job of polishing the pommel horse after that competition?)

@Helenatrandom And the person using the pommel horse next.(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I think they should at least wear a cup on the pommel horse. For the sake of the spectators…)

Last week I tweeted about vanilla scented garbage, this week naked gymnastics. I am a wealth of information. Tell your friends.

@Helenatrandom Great minds (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish pommel horse.)

@weightwhat Ewh! Or the pommel horse! Gaaa! (in reply to weightwhat @katdish And don’t even get me started on the uneven bars.)

@weightwhat Yes. The balance beam event alone makes me shudder. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Wow, that brings up a lot of unpleasant mental pictures.)

Snort! I just deleted a spam comment from “naked gymnast”. Now there’s a niche market.

What I did today. Subtitled: A girl and her hatchet. http://twitpic.com/2hk2rnk,

I’m going to cut down some tree limbs, and possibly set them on fire in the 55 gallon drum out back. Ah, I heart no deed restrictions!

Daughter just yelled at her bro: You think you’re the King of Awesomeness, but you’re SO NOT! (Snort!)

@beckfromfrogandtoad I’m all ears. Like my mom says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

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