So apparently, I need to shut my pie hole

If you’ve been following along at home, you know that yesterday I ranted incessantly about John Mayer feeling compelled to tell everyone why he was leaving the twitter. He was of the opinion that no one on Twitter has created any lasting art. Pish posh! Just because he can’t do it, doesn’t mean no one else can. Take for example the Tweet Speak Poetry Jam the other night. This is where poets get together on twitter, and tweet poetic lines which are then put together to form one big poem. This week’s prompt: Pie. The lovely and talented Mr. Glynn Young (aka @gyoung9751) is the person responsible for putting everyone’s lines together. Now see, ordinarily I would link that poem, but I just asked folks on twitter for the link and everyone except for Kathleen Overby is politely ignoring me. Kathleen just told me I was the enemy and that I wasn’t invited to pie anymore. Which is ridiculous. YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME, KATHLEEN!

Anyhoo, I always enjoy following along and reading what everyone tweets during these poetry jams, but I’m just not at all poetic. When I try and participate, I feel a bit like Eunice singing Feelings on The Gong Show. But it seems I wasn’t the only person feeling uninspired. As it turns out, my friend Steph also happened to be on the twitter at the same time, so we decided to have our own little hashtag party: #notpoetry, featuring quotes about Hot Pockets from Jim Gaffigan.  Some friends compliment each other like peanut butter and jelly, peas and carrots, ebony and ivory. Steph and I are more like Aqua Net and a Bic lighter…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the Twitter this week:

@noveldoctor with a side of angst. (in reply to noveldoctor A writer is best fed by hunger.)

@weightwhat Farmer blow. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Neti pot?)

Can’t. Stop. Sneezing.

IMO, children should not be encouraged to whistle in public. Or ever, really.

I’m at the fancy Walmart. Also known as Target.

@PaperIsDue Also affectionally known as the McPig knuckle.

FYI – it is.

Have U ever eaten a McRib sandwich b/c you’re convinced it couldn’t possibly be as disgusting as you remembered?

RT @FaithWords Join us Monday 10/11 as we celebrate pub of SNOW DAY by @billycoffey w/ new background, giveaways, & more. #snowdaybook

@tonyjalicea Or Tom Hanks from Volunteers: “It’s not that I can’t help these people, it’s that I don’t want to.” (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Sounds like Peter from Office Space. “The thing is Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care”)

Anyone who equates great artistic talent with great humanity should remember Nietzsche

@tonyjalicea I interviewed for a job I didn’t want. When asked what my weaknesses were, I said “I tend to oversleep & call in sick a lot.”

@MarketerMikeE Hmmm…I could say a lot about that #FF, but I think I’ll just say thank you (in reply to MarketerMikeE She’s so delish I’d put her on a cracker. Follow @katdish #ff)

@billycoffey Your fan page now has 301 likes. I’ll accept gratitude for its promotion in the form of beef jerky

Photobucket makes me stabby.

@CandySteele Fine, just so you know, you missed @redclaydiaries & my Hot Pocket tweets. in reply to CandySteele

@redclaydiaries Goodnight, fellow not poet.

@memoriaarts Have you considered the witness protection program? (in reply to memoriaarts @katdish She (mother) kept finding me! I gave up. *laughter* And it’s not like you can hit ignore. Phone rings 0.5 seconds later…)

@CandySteele is not talking to me. Just tweeting food. #rude

@gyoung9751 What @redclaydiaries said. (in reply to gyoung9751 @redclaydiaries @katdish Because I only follow intelligent, friendly people on Twitter.)

@gyoung9751 You’re a gentleman and a scholar. Which is why I can’t figure out why you follow @redclaydiaries and me.

@redclaydiaries Oh, don’t sell @lainiegallagher short. She can be incredibly annoying. (in reply to redclaydiaries @lainiegallagher Annoyingly so. (So not really like you. You’re not at all annoying. Much.)

If 5 more people like this Facebook page, I’ll win a bet. No pressure, but it involves beef jerky:

Deepdish katdish #tsptry

@gyoung9751 We are NOT making fun of #tsptry. @redclaydiaries & I are simply trying to remain inappropriate outside the hash tag

Pie can’t compete w/cake. Put candles in cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. @jimgaffigan

@KathleenOverby Not mocking. Just painfully aware of our lack of poetic-ness. (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish have you been mocking us? you nonpoetical rebel.)

Hot pocket for breakfast, hot pocket for lunch, and dead by dinner. @jimgaffigan #notpoetry

Never eaten a Hot pocket/then replied/I’m glad I ate that. #notpoetry by Jim Gaffigan

@LoveWriteCook @SBeeCreations @redclaydiaries @mxings I think #notpoetry should be a hash tag closely associated w/anything I tweet.

@mxings Sorry/you’re welcome. (in reply to mxings @katdish @redclaydiaries enjoying your off pie commentary :))

@redclaydiaries Ooo! That’s an excellent pen name. (in reply to redclaydiaries RT @katdish: Okay DUH! I keep seeing this #newtwitter hashtag and read it as #NewWriter.// I read as Newt Writer.)

@SBeeCreations Steph and I aren’t really poets, so we’re going low brow w/Jim Gaffigan

Okay DUH! I keep seeing this #newtwitter hashtag and read it as #NewWriter. The former makes more sense.

@redclaydiaries Could a hot pocket be considered a pie? Hoooooot Pocket-Pie! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish See, I was gonna quote Jim Gaffigan: “If there’s rum in the pie, it means someone’s drinkin in the kitchen!”)

@redclaydiaries Don’t feel bad. I was going to tweet the lyrics to Cherry Pie by Warrant, but decided I’d better not. (in reply to redclaydiaries Okay, forget the poetry party. I guess I’m not in the mood to be poetic about pie. Now cake, on the other hand…)

Pie I don’t like: 3.14 and humble #tsptry

@Brian_Russell oh, it’s always my fault! (in reply to Brian_Russell RT @Brian_Russell: Avenging Narwhal // This is @katdish’s fault.)

@Brian_Russell I’m not sure I can help, but now I want a avenging narwhal action figure.

@CandySteele It’s like flipping the channels between The McLear News Hour and Dog the Bounty Hunter. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish @ronsteele7 ‘s having some rather extreme tweeting paradigm shifts today, huh?)

@ronsteele7 This is why I follow you on Twitter. Such hard hitting news stories about PB&J

Regardless, it’s probably not a good idea to call an umpire an A-hole on national television #justsaying

Texas 5 Rays 0 –The Rays are not happy after what they feel was a bad call shortly followed by 3 runs.

@melissa_rae @katdish haha! Not too much. And I can put a stake in our carpet so they only run in circles. 🙂

@melissa_rae Do the stuffed animals interfere with the choke collar? Snort! (in reply to melissa_rae @katdish @SBeeCreations I always thought they were very necessary! But ours have cute stuffed animals attached to make them humane. :))

@SBeeCreations I always thought those leashes for kids were horrible, but I considered one for my son.

RT @tonyjalicea Is there ever a good response when the cleaning lady knocks on the door of the men’s restroom?

@weightwhat Oh, thanks for that visual. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should just squeeze him like a tube of toothpaste. Could work.)

10 lb. dog has spent the last 10 min. looking for the perfect place to poo. Yet another reason I want a starter pistol.

RT @ConanOBrien: The Chilean Miners could B released this weekend just in time 2 see Michael Bolton sing on DWTS. Guys, what’s an extra day?

My fave new name for “church ladies” shared by my friend Suzie last night: Cindy Lou Betterthanyou

@tonyjalicea Happy now?

@tonyjalicea You are awesome. (in reply to tonyjalicea Tell someone today that they are awesome. You have no idea how much they may need it.)

@Nick_theGeek Nah. Maybe for some, but that will bite you in the arse eventually. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish u mean what u know about who u know)

It’s not what you know or who you know. It’s both.

How can you not be compelled to read a blog post entitled All Roads lead to Ass Clown? @redclaydiaries

@tyronem I’m like Joe Walsh. I can’t complain but sometimes I still do.

@kelybreez Good morning! Sorry for the delay. I had to google “soporific”. And yes, I agree. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Gunaydin, kat!! (Turkish). Hope your day is not soporific. Until late tonight.)

As always…Sorry/you’re welcome.

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14 Responses to “So apparently, I need to shut my pie hole”

  1. Heather of the EO October 9, 2010 at 12:29 pm #

    “my friend Steph also happened to be on the twitter at the same time”

    happened to be
    as if this happens
    this is a poem
    ish sort of thing
    I happen to know
    you both happen to be
    on twitter most of the time

    (and I love it that you are and this cracked me up…and just the other day a friend and I were quoting the Hot Pockets thing. maybe you weren’t on twitter at that time. you would have liked that)

  2. Helen October 9, 2010 at 12:33 pm #

    How can you offend people with pie? I am so confused.. Was it bad pie? It wasn’t mincemeat pie, was it? I heard that sets kind of heavy…..

  3. SarahBee October 9, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

    Well, I was excited to have a good Saturday read from the comfort of my office with my guilty Starbucks Frapp from the grocery store in hand.
    Then I came to the narwhals right as LO peeped over my shoulder. Now I have to explain unicorn whales & why they are spearing that poor penguin…

  4. Tony Alicea October 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm #

    When you wrote:

    “my friend Steph also happened to be on the twitter”

    I read that like George Bush when he said “one of the things I’ve used on the google…”.

  5. Maureen October 9, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

    Missing TweetSpeak pies (my fave being cherry) is one thing but #notpoetry too!

  6. Kathy October 9, 2010 at 1:00 pm #

    McRib = punishment unless you’re my husband who can eat 5 of them in one sitting and think they are delicious…yuck! When I was a teenager and worked at McD’s, shouting back an order for a McRib was code for “I’m being robbed”. True story.

  7. okiewife October 9, 2010 at 1:35 pm #

    I’m just hanging out here smiling…snickering…OK dangit-laughing out loud. You crack me up.

  8. Wendy October 9, 2010 at 5:58 pm #

    Okay, how did I miss out on the whole Hot Pockets extravaganza? That’s just not right.

  9. Kathleen October 9, 2010 at 7:05 pm #

    I still need to google that S word. Got distracted.

    This ~ “We are NOT making fun of #tsptry. @redclaydiaries & I are simply trying to remain inappropriate outside the hash tag” was you at your brilliant best. Quick, too.

    Loverby thinks I’ve lost it, chuckling and jiggling at my computer screen. My cheeks have stretch marks. 🙂

  10. Steph October 9, 2010 at 10:22 pm #

    Aqua Net and a Bic lighter… [sniffle] That’s the nicest thing anyone has EVER said to me.

    Katdish, you complete me.

    And Heather, Tony, et al, it’s true that we are ALWAYS on THE Twitter. Twitter without the “the” is so last year.

  11. Sandra Heska King October 9, 2010 at 11:09 pm #

    I just cracked my mud mask.

  12. Louise October 10, 2010 at 8:52 am #

    If I had a mud mask I’d crack it too! Alas, all I can do is crack up!

  13. Jeff Turner October 11, 2010 at 3:16 am #

    “I’m at the fancy Walmart. Also known as Target.” Classic.

  14. @Aspree October 11, 2010 at 9:19 am #

    Ugh–I LOATHE the whole piehole-shutting phraseology. It’s so crude. (Makes you click though.)
    Now “cakehole…” Yes! That’s another thing entirely.

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