The mind of an artist
image courtesy of photobucket.com
If you follow me on twitter, you may know that I’ve been reading Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. I found a copy of the book while perusing the bookshelves of a rented beach cottage in Gulf Shores, Alabama. We were vacationing there over the Thanksgiving holiday. Since I couldn’t take the book with me, I decided to download a copy on my kindle. I’ve been reading it ever since. Dang. Those Russian novelists are wordy–864 pages. Whew!
I’ll admit that part of the reason I started reading it was simply to say that I’ve read it–I know–pretentious, huh? I actually had no idea what the book was about when I started. I had just heard that it was “the single greatest novel ever written”.
Well, shucks. How can you pass up a teaser like that?
Since I’m only 60% through the book (according to my kindle), I can’t make a personal determination as to whether it merits that type of praise. But I will say that Tolstoy was an absolute master of words, and the depth of his characters, his development of them through dialogue (both internal and external) is astounding. If it’s true what they say that reading great writing improves your own writing, then I definitely recommend picking up a copy of this book. Of course, many of you have probably already read it, and think it’s cute that at the age of 45 I’m just now reading it. Whateva…
I wanted to share the following passage from the book. I wonder if all artists, regardless of their medium, go through similar bouts of self-doubt when presenting their work for all the world to see:
Excerpt from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy:
For the few seconds during which the visitors were gazing at the picture in silence Mihailov too gazed at it with the indifferent eye of an outsider. For those few seconds he was sure in anticipation that a higher, juster criticism would be uttered by them, by those very visitors whom he had been so despising a moment before. He forgot all he had thought about his picture before during the three years he had been painting it; he forgot all its qualities which had been absolutely certain to him–he saw the picture with their indifferent, new, outside eyes, and saw nothing good in it. He saw in the foreground Pilate’s irritated face and the serene face of Christ, and in the background the figures of Pilate’s retinue and the face of John watching what was happening. Every face that, with such agony, such blunders and corrections had grown up within him with its special character, every face that had given him such torments and such raptures, and all these faces so many times transposed for the sake of the harmony of the whole, all the shades of color and tones that he had attained with such labor–all of this together seemed to him now, looking at it with their eyes, the merest vulgarity, something that had been done a thousand times over. The face dearest to him, the face of Christ, the center of the picture, which had given him such ecstasy as it unfolded itself to him, was utterly lost to him when he glanced at the picture with their eyes. He saw a well-painted (no, not even that–he distinctly saw now a mass of defects) repetition of those endless Christs of Titian, Raphael, Rubens, and the same soldiers and Pilate. It was all common, poor, and stale, and positively badly painted–weak and unequal. They would be justified in repeating hypocritically civil speeches in the presence of the painter, and pitying him and laughing at him when they were alone again.
What say you? Can you relate to what Mihailov is going through here? I know I certainly can.
And if you’ve read it, PLEASE DON’T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS!
« « Previous Post: What would he say to us today? | Next Post: Effective parody: How to make fun of people and get away with it » »
I certainly can. And the whole working on it for three years is an incredible thought as well.
Michael´s last [type] ..Put Legs On it
Kat thank you so much for sharing this longstanding work by Tolstoy which I too haven’t YET read at 52. I always think there needs to be treasures to explore at all ages. Don’t you. I have felt like the character many times. I sometimes wonder why the things I could easily fix do not become visible until the work is hanging on the gallery wall. Other times a piece of work I feel mildly enthusiastic others love. I have learned to just Paint, write or take the image that is there for the taking. I am all the way in – completely vulnerable when I work. Then I must separate from the work and allow it to stand on its own. Good piece!
Terrill Welch´s last [type] ..Red Bowl
Yes, sometimes I feel the chill of judging myself harshly, and thinking others are secretly doing the same. My friend Chris told me that her mother told her that people probably were only thinking about her at all about 10% of the time that she believes they’re thinking of her negatively, if even that. I think Chris’s mom might have a point…
Oh, and at the end, the lumberjack comes and saves Anna’s grandmother from the wolf… oh wait… wrong story…
Helen´s last [type] ..Not Broken- But Restored
Kathy, I have not read it. Maybe I will. I need something new…
And about that quote, it just makes me darn sad. I can only hope he is too hard on himself and that the painting is good. Knowing nothing of the story, I cannot say. If we do something to the best of our ability, and we praise God with our efforts, isn’t that good enough? Why do we use other people’s thoughts and opinions as our measuring stick? What’s in their heads and hearts is theirs. It is not mine. Aren’t our efforts worth something?
You know in Winn Dixie (both the book & the movie) when the girl tastes the candy and shares it with her dad and he says is tastes “melancholy?” That’s what that quote did to me.
Thanks for sharing (and asking).
Blessings.
A Simple Country Girl´s last [type] ..Is Rest for Wimps
Are you going all highbrow on us?
You are not alone, for, alas, I too have failed to read Tolstoy’s Anna Karina (but notice how my writing has improved from just reading this small segment on your blog!).
Seriously, he does capture the insecurity well. This doesn’t just apply to art, but to any project we put our hands to that we then anticipate a showing to others, to impact or impress or transfer a small piece of our soul.
Russian lit is marvelous. I think it’s wonderful you’re reading the book.
Maureen´s last [type] ..Blue-Blooded Love Poem
Tolstoy is describing what all of us have experienced – self-doubt. Capturing that common experience is one of the reasons he resonates, even with us “moderns.”
Glynn´s last [type] ..A farmhouse once
Oh, I am thrilled that you are discovering Tolstoy!
Honestly — you must read War and Peace some day. Forget what you’ve heard about it — all the jokes. It’s incredibly accessible. It helps to watch the BBC series with Anthony Hopkins (available through Netflix)first because there are a lot of characters.
Tolstoy is a marvel. And part of that is the very long time he spent polishing and honing his prose. To me, he is like very fine antique silver — nearly perfect, beautiful with a patina quite unlike the newer stuff.
Cassandra Frear´s last [type] ..Journaling on Qs Legacy
A very apt description of Tolstoy’s writing, Cassandra. Thank you.
Love this post, Kat. My copy of Anna is sitting on my bookshelf and I can see it from where I type. Thanks for reminding me. I think I’m on page 20 or something ridiculous. XOXOXO
Amy Sorrells´s last [type] ..Choosing to remember one year ago today
I OWN that book, never cracked it open though. War and Peace turned me on to Russian literature which honestly, gets weirder as it comes up through the decades. That said, you’re 100% right. People like Tolstoy, Dickens, C.S. Lewis all make me feel like an inept monkey clanging away at a keyboard. It’s sad.
Happy reading friend! I think I might quit Moby Dick, it’s not even interesting at this point. I’m almost halfway through it and want to set it on fire… but it’s on my phone L)
Jake´s last [type] ..Huge Church Lostish Souls
A monkey clanging at the keyboard! Heeheheheeee! That is such a funny image!
Bun Bun Rabbit´s last [type] ..Not Broken- But Restored
Thanks, Bun Bun. I’m always happy to see one of Helen’s friends stop by.
I know exactly what the painter was feeling. I’ve ‘painted’ in the medium of the written word (easter&christmas productions) for local churches only to have them rejected by people lacking any creative impulses but abundant in the ability to judge.
But I value the union between myself and The Creator as I spent time in the creative gift He gave me. I value our time together above the ‘use’ of whatever He created thru me.
I haven’t read the book either, but dang, I definitely feel the artist’s turmoil in everything from blog posts to sermons. I have just learned better not to let those thoughts and feelings define me (most of the time). Thanks Kat.
jasonS´s last [type] ..Make It Grow
Great quote from a great book! When I read Anna Karenina, there were tedious passages I simply had to plod through, but the way Tolstoy spied on my innermost thoughts kept me riveted to the story. You describe his genius well. Have you sampled Dostoyevski yet? Also brilliant. Maureen is right. The Russians have it going on.
Love.
Jeanne Damoff´s last [type] ..West Coast Tour
Yes. All the political/economic stuff was tedious, but then he gets back to the stories and I’m delighted all over again. I’m going to read a Steinbeck novel next, then back to the Russians!
The Book sounds great, but I also have not read it. The painting, can it be one of the famous paintings of Christ? We often tremble as we write, (I do) will they like this, will it help someone, does my writing even matter? In most cases there is someone who needs the story, or the poem, or the painting. There is a release in us as we delve inward and project that which is in us and allow the world to see. Keep on Keeping on!
I haven’t read it but I heard the king dies at the end. Oh wait, that was 300.
I know what you mean about reading this book. I read Atlas Shrugged just so I can say that I did. Was it worth it? At 1000+ pages, that’s debatable. Plus a movie version of it is coming out soon. It was a great story, though.
Tony Alicea´s last [type] ..Why Jesus Wept
While I haven’t read this, you have sparked my interest. I love how the painting brings out so many emotions. Do our words do the same thing?
David @ Red Letter Believers´s last [type] ..You made me think
David,
I think the short answer to your question is yes. But the long answer (at least mine) is a little more complicated. I smell a follow up blog post! So, thanks for the inspiration!