The moron test

After the recent and not so recent acquisitions of several electronic devices beginning with the letter “i”, the discovery of some yet to be redeemed iTunes gift cards around the house, and the realization that a 9 hour car ride over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house can get a tad boring, the members of my family decided it would be a good idea to search for and download a few apps for the aforementioned electronic devices.

The first and most obvious choice for both of the kids was Angry Birds, which I was delighted to download for them because I am a wonderful mother and because I was tired of being constantly asked, “Can I play Angry Birds on your phone?” I’m a tad possessive of my iPhone. (Ahem.)

As captivating and addicting as those little pig killing kamikaze birds can be, one needs a little diversity in one’s distractions. After a few minutes of searching the app store, my son asked, “Can I download The Moron Test?” I looked up said app on my iPhone and decided that it was well worth the 99 cent investment. For those of you unfamiliar with The Moron Test, here’s a brief walk thru of the first level:

Pretty simple and straightforward huh? Yes and no. My guess is that was probably at least the 3rd or 4th time the person on that video played the game, and I’m being generous. How do I know this? Because it took me at least that many times to get through that level, and clearly I am not a moron. (Although I do play one on the internets on occasion.)

Most of the tasks on the test are ridiculously simple. With few exceptions, all a person needs to do to pass the test with flying colors is to

Pay attention,

follow directions carefully,

wait for further instructions,

slow down when necessary,

and be patient.

Which is why I suspect 90 percent of the people who have played that game failed the test miserably the first time through. Why? Because the faster we can get through something the faster we can get to the next NEW thing, and heaven forbid we miss out on anything.

We’re so busy trying to pay attention to everything that we rarely give full attention to anything.

What we need to do as a society is exactly what is required to master The Moron Test:

Pay attention,

follow directions carefully,

wait for further instructions,

slow down when necessary,

and be patient.

I wonder if there’s an app for that?

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19 Responses to “The moron test”

  1. bman January 6, 2011 at 11:44 pm #

    Hehe. Nerd.

  2. kelybreez January 7, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    When have you ever played a moron on the internets?

    My son made me play that game. I was a moron the first time, the second time, and each successive time after that.

  3. Louise January 7, 2011 at 5:07 am #

    Oh those apps — they’re everywhere!

    Gotta check that one out — and good analogy Kat — “We’re so busy trying to pay attention to everything that we rarely give full attention to anything.” — brilliant!

  4. Michael January 7, 2011 at 7:33 am #

    I can’t tell you how many time’s I’m having an important conversation with someone and I pull out my iPhone and start texting or reading my Twitter feed.

    I bet we could charge for an app like that.

  5. Candy January 7, 2011 at 8:16 am #

    So are you supposed to pass or fail the moron test? If you fail it, doesn’t that make you smart? Am I thinking too deeply here, or being a moron?

  6. Amy Nabors January 7, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    So true! I find that I’m a moron a lot of the time when all I really need to do is slow down and usually stop trying to multi task.

  7. jake January 7, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    “clearly I am not a moron. (Although I do play one on the internets on occasion.)”

    That just makes me happy. We really don’t slow down. A friend and I were trying to discover a solution to something last night and kept anticipating something profound.

    I won’t get into details, but it wasn’t difficult and it was right in front of us.

    My favorite app? Pocket God. Just so you know…. and facetime. that’s just fun to do.

  8. Janet Oberholtzer January 7, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    What a great way this would be to live life …. I think I’ll be printing these out and pasting them all over my house.

    Pay attention,

    follow directions carefully,

    wait for further instructions,

    slow down when necessary,

    and be patient.

  9. seekingpastor January 7, 2011 at 9:34 am #

    No app. Just deep breaths, a lot a prayer, and Rocky Road ice cream on occasion.

  10. Cathy January 7, 2011 at 9:36 am #

    Okay, but is it possible that this distractivity (not a word) is tied to being a parent?

    All I know is, before having babies I could focus like a laser beam on anything. (This is why I read through The Brothers Karamazov TWICE.)

    Since having babies, I’ve tried to read Crime and Punishment, and went down in flames. I have the attention span of a gnat. Because I am constantly popping up to attend to this, and that, and having to switch gears on a dime…everything has changed.

    I didn’t use to be like that, I swear.

    • katdish January 7, 2011 at 9:38 am #

      It’s long been my belief that you lose brain cells during childbirth. I know I did.

  11. Helen January 7, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    That video reminded me of the “test” we were given at High School orientation. Direction number 1 was to read the whole thing carefully before doing anything. Direction 2 was to put our name at the top right of the paper. Directions 3-24 were oddball stuff like “circle directions number 15” and “put an x in the bottom left corner of this paper” and so on. Direction number 25 was “ignore all directions except for 1, 2, and 25”. Yes, the teacher got me and all but one member of the class.

  12. Wendy January 7, 2011 at 12:19 pm #

    So I need to buy an iPhone to see if I’m a moron or not? GAAAAA!!! That could be years from now! What will I do in the meantime? The not knowing is gonna kill me!

  13. Jason January 7, 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    Wow…this is good stuff Kat. I’m not even talking about the moron test. 🙂

    “We’re so busy trying to pay attention to everything that we rarely give full attention to anything.”

    That’s almost like the thesis line of a non-fiction book.

  14. Tony Alicea January 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    Thanks for making me feel like a moron. That game is wickedly addicting.

  15. Bonnie Gray | FaithBarista January 8, 2011 at 3:36 am #

    I’m often speechless here, Kathy!

    And always left happier.

    Stopped by to wish you Happy New Year! 😉

  16. Hazel Moon January 11, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    That 99 cents was a good investment to keep your children busy. I loved the application! We hurry too much and need to slow down and pay attention more! Great Post as always Kat !!

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