An open letter to the clothing industry

Dear people who make pants:

Why do the pockets on so many of the jeans and/or capri pants I find have flaps on them? Was there a great outcry by women demanding flaps on their back pockets? Was there an increase in the number of women carrying men’s wallets in their back pockets looking for increased security via a flap and a button? Because I think I can speak for most of the women I know when I say I carry my wallet in my purse.

It’s not that I’m anti-flap per se. It’s more about me being anti-ironing-clothes-that-you-shouldn’t-have-to-iron. How is it that we can put a man on the moon, and yet can’t seem to make a pocket flap that doesn’t do this:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C (notice how flap ear is more pronounced while the pants are being worn)

Please people who make pants, either stop with the flaps or maybe weigh the flap corners down with some fishing weights. I, for one, will be extremely grateful.

And while I have you here, I’d like to address another issue with pants. Actually, I would like to generously offer my unsolicited advice (isn’t that the best kind?) about more specific labeling on low rise jeans. Because let’s face it, they are not equally low rising. There should some type of international visual standard by which an educated consumer might determine how low they should go.

I have put great time and effort in determining three subclasses for the low rise jean category and have also provided detailed artist’s renditions of what would be the proposed internationally recognized symbols for these subcategories.

To establish what “low rise” equates to, the first sketch identifies what is universally accepted as “regular fit” jeans:

regular fit blue jeans

From there, we can move to the first category of low rise–Level One. I think this particular jean can be worn by most women.

Level One low rise jeans

Level Zero is next. I think many unsuspecting women buy this particular type of low rise jeans, but for whatever reason do not have access to a full length mirror, live in areas where wind drafts are uncommon or non-exisistent, and never keep their receipts.

Level Zero low rise jeans

Level Negative One is the final subcategory. I assume women who buy these type of low rise jeans know what they’re buying, but perhaps having a tag on the garment as a visual reminder might deter some from proceeding with the purchase.

Level Negative One low rise jeans

One final suggestion. On the opposite side of all of these proposed hang tags, I would also like to suggest you print the following warning. This would protect both you and the consumer from embarrassment and possible future litigation:

Proposed warning for all low rise jeans

In conclusion, thank you in advance, people who make pants, for your thoughtful consideration in this matter. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely yours,

katdish

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