Sky Mall: It’s been too long

Ah, dear readers (and the rest of you), it’s been way too long since I’ve perused the pages of the wonderful world of the Sky Mall catalog! Who says America is in a horrible economic mess? Pish-posh says the fine folks at the Sky Mall. They have hundreds of products to spend your boat loads of disposable income on!

And who better (besides yourself, of course) to spend all that money on than man’s best friend? Does your dog’s bed have “old world ethnic charm”? I know mine doesn’t…

Notice the shame? The humiliation associated with sleeping on a dog bed without “old world ethnic charm”?

Why put your pampered pooch through that kind of stress when for a mere $349.99 plus shipping and handling you can provide all that “old world ethnic charm” with the Makati dog bed?:

The Makati Dog Bed will add old world ethnic charm to your home with the intricate scroll work and distressed Walnut finish on this wood bed. These furniture style dog beds are made from the finest furniture grade materials that include solid wood and exotic wood veneers. Each bed includes an ultra plush cushion covered in upholstery grade, durable, neutral-colored fabric. Your pet will lounge in comfort and style with the Makati Furniture Style Dog Bed!

And as any dog owner knows, off-white is an excellent color choice for a dog bed!

Don’t worry, cat lovers, I’ve also found something for your feline friend. How many of you keep your cat’s litter box in the guest bathroom? Sort of embarrassing when guests come over, isn’t it? Well, no more, thanks to the Kitty Washroom Cabinet for only $99.98.

Hide the messy litter box inside this handsome piece that instantly enhances the look of your bath, kitchen or laundry room. Designed with wainscoting in a clean white finish, it has a 7″x 8″ portal for kitty. The front swings open like a door so you can easily scoop or change the litter. Two shelves offer added storage and display space; the stainless steel bar gives you a convenient place to hang your scoop.

Most of your guests probably won’t even realize there’s a litter box in there. Except for maybe the overwhelming stench of cat urine and feces. If this seems troublesome to you, why not get rid of the litter box all together with the Cat Toilet Training System for only $49.99:

The best way to deal with the unpleasant task of cleaning out the litter box is to do away with it for good. With the Litter Kwitter 3-Step Cat Toilet Training System, you can teach your cat to use any human toilet in eight weeks or less. The age or weight of your cat doesn’t matter and it works in multiple cat households too. This award-winning product has proved itself effective for years, and has been recommended by vets. Enjoy a cleaner home and say good-bye to the litter box forever.

No more worries about litter box odor! Of course, I’m pretty sure seeing a cat pooping on a toilet is one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse, but I could be wrong about that…

And speaking of toilets, are there ever any heated discussions around your house about the menfolk forgetting to put the toilet seat down? Technology has come to your rescue, my friend.

Introducing the Sensor Toilet Seat, $159.99:

A toilet seat that automatically raises and lowers the seat Some men have a hard time remembering to put the toilet seat down after use. Now the Touchless Sensor Toilet Seat is good news for your household. It raises the lid automatically as you approach the toilet. Wave a hand over it one more time and the seat rises. Then both the lid and seat close automatically 15 seconds after you step away. The unit is easy to install and because it’s touchless, it helps prevent germs and bacteria from spreading.

Once less thing to argue about. That’s worth 160 bucks plus shipping and handling, no? (Note: Not recommended to be used in conjunction with the Cat Toilet Training System.)

I don’t know about you, but around here summertime means looking for things for the kids to do. There are trips to the library, the swimming pool and the occasional trip to the mall or a movie, but sometimes I wish my kids would just go outside in the fresh air and play. When I was a kid, the great outdoors didn’t have to compete with non-stop programming via the satellite dish. But alas, nowadays there’s always something on television. Why go outside for entertainment when you can be entertained in the comfort of your own home? Now the folks at Sky Mall bring you the best of both worlds:

This 55″ all-weather outdoor rated HD LCD television lets you enjoy your favorite entertainment while soaking up the tranquility of the great outdoors. Engineered for permanent outdoor installation, the TV is designed to withstand rain, snow, dust, insects and extreme temperatures. It’s perfect for sharing a romantic comedy while lounging in the spa, catching every second of the game while grilling steaks and its completely at home mounted on watercraft. The anti-reflective and scratch-resistant screen increases contrast and makes for crystal clear viewing.

Oh sure, at $6,995.99 it’s a bit pricy, but can you really put a price on fresh air and sunshine for your children? Me thinks not.

As we come to the end of this umpteenth installment of the Sky Mall shopping guide, I’m afraid this humble blogger has found one product that I cannot in good conscience recommend:

Removes unwanted moles, warts and skin tags! Dermatend is a breakthrough all-natural mole, wart and skin tag remover that’s safe to use in the privacy of your own home. Unlike surgery, you won’t be left with unsightly scars or a large doctor bill. And best of all, it’s guaranteed! Dermatend permanently removes all your unwanted moles, warts, and skin tags quickly and easily. Boost your self-esteem, improve your looks, and finally get rid of all those pesky skin problems! All extra strength DermaTend’s include a free healing balm which helps speed the removal process giving you the best results possible. Extra Strength DermaTend with free Healing Balm Removes 15 moles, warts and skin tags.

Please, people. If you have a mole the size of a pencil eraser on your face

Skip the DermaTend lotion and go see a dermatologist.

This concludes the summer edition of the Sky Mall Shopping Extravaganza. Operators are standing by to take your orders. Tell them katdish sent you.

On second thought, better leave my name out of it. Happy Sky Malling!