Sky Mall: It’s been too long

Ah, dear readers (and the rest of you), it’s been way too long since I’ve perused the pages of the wonderful world of the Sky Mall catalog! Who says America is in a horrible economic mess? Pish-posh says the fine folks at the Sky Mall. They have hundreds of products to spend your boat loads of disposable income on!

And who better (besides yourself, of course) to spend all that money on than man’s best friend? Does your dog’s bed have “old world ethnic charm”? I know mine doesn’t…

Notice the shame? The humiliation associated with sleeping on a dog bed without “old world ethnic charm”?

Why put your pampered pooch through that kind of stress when for a mere $349.99 plus shipping and handling you can provide all that “old world ethnic charm” with the Makati dog bed?:

The Makati Dog Bed will add old world ethnic charm to your home with the intricate scroll work and distressed Walnut finish on this wood bed. These furniture style dog beds are made from the finest furniture grade materials that include solid wood and exotic wood veneers. Each bed includes an ultra plush cushion covered in upholstery grade, durable, neutral-colored fabric. Your pet will lounge in comfort and style with the Makati Furniture Style Dog Bed!

And as any dog owner knows, off-white is an excellent color choice for a dog bed!

Don’t worry, cat lovers, I’ve also found something for your feline friend. How many of you keep your cat’s litter box in the guest bathroom? Sort of embarrassing when guests come over, isn’t it? Well, no more, thanks to the Kitty Washroom Cabinet for only $99.98.

Hide the messy litter box inside this handsome piece that instantly enhances the look of your bath, kitchen or laundry room. Designed with wainscoting in a clean white finish, it has a 7″x 8″ portal for kitty. The front swings open like a door so you can easily scoop or change the litter. Two shelves offer added storage and display space; the stainless steel bar gives you a convenient place to hang your scoop.

Most of your guests probably won’t even realize there’s a litter box in there. Except for maybe the overwhelming stench of cat urine and feces. If this seems troublesome to you, why not get rid of the litter box all together with the Cat Toilet Training System for only $49.99:

The best way to deal with the unpleasant task of cleaning out the litter box is to do away with it for good. With the Litter Kwitter 3-Step Cat Toilet Training System, you can teach your cat to use any human toilet in eight weeks or less. The age or weight of your cat doesn’t matter and it works in multiple cat households too. This award-winning product has proved itself effective for years, and has been recommended by vets. Enjoy a cleaner home and say good-bye to the litter box forever.

No more worries about litter box odor! Of course, I’m pretty sure seeing a cat pooping on a toilet is one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse, but I could be wrong about that…

And speaking of toilets, are there ever any heated discussions around your house about the menfolk forgetting to put the toilet seat down? Technology has come to your rescue, my friend.

Introducing the Sensor Toilet Seat, $159.99:

A toilet seat that automatically raises and lowers the seat Some men have a hard time remembering to put the toilet seat down after use. Now the Touchless Sensor Toilet Seat is good news for your household. It raises the lid automatically as you approach the toilet. Wave a hand over it one more time and the seat rises. Then both the lid and seat close automatically 15 seconds after you step away. The unit is easy to install and because it’s touchless, it helps prevent germs and bacteria from spreading.

Once less thing to argue about. That’s worth 160 bucks plus shipping and handling, no? (Note: Not recommended to be used in conjunction with the Cat Toilet Training System.)

I don’t know about you, but around here summertime means looking for things for the kids to do. There are trips to the library, the swimming pool and the occasional trip to the mall or a movie, but sometimes I wish my kids would just go outside in the fresh air and play. When I was a kid, the great outdoors didn’t have to compete with non-stop programming via the satellite dish. But alas, nowadays there’s always something on television. Why go outside for entertainment when you can be entertained in the comfort of your own home? Now the folks at Sky Mall bring you the best of both worlds:

This 55″ all-weather outdoor rated HD LCD television lets you enjoy your favorite entertainment while soaking up the tranquility of the great outdoors. Engineered for permanent outdoor installation, the TV is designed to withstand rain, snow, dust, insects and extreme temperatures. It’s perfect for sharing a romantic comedy while lounging in the spa, catching every second of the game while grilling steaks and its completely at home mounted on watercraft. The anti-reflective and scratch-resistant screen increases contrast and makes for crystal clear viewing.

Oh sure, at $6,995.99 it’s a bit pricy, but can you really put a price on fresh air and sunshine for your children? Me thinks not.

As we come to the end of this umpteenth installment of the Sky Mall shopping guide, I’m afraid this humble blogger has found one product that I cannot in good conscience recommend:

Removes unwanted moles, warts and skin tags! Dermatend is a breakthrough all-natural mole, wart and skin tag remover that’s safe to use in the privacy of your own home. Unlike surgery, you won’t be left with unsightly scars or a large doctor bill. And best of all, it’s guaranteed! Dermatend permanently removes all your unwanted moles, warts, and skin tags quickly and easily. Boost your self-esteem, improve your looks, and finally get rid of all those pesky skin problems! All extra strength DermaTend’s include a free healing balm which helps speed the removal process giving you the best results possible. Extra Strength DermaTend with free Healing Balm Removes 15 moles, warts and skin tags.

Please, people. If you have a mole the size of a pencil eraser on your face

Skip the DermaTend lotion and go see a dermatologist.

This concludes the summer edition of the Sky Mall Shopping Extravaganza. Operators are standing by to take your orders. Tell them katdish sent you.

On second thought, better leave my name out of it. Happy Sky Malling!

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21 Responses to “Sky Mall: It’s been too long”

  1. Helen July 14, 2011 at 7:24 pm #

    I hope flushing is step number three. I really hate it when some animal forgets to flush when he is done!

  2. Maureen July 14, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

    There is a reason for that old saw about people with more money than . . . .

  3. Candy July 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    Want intricate scroll work? Heck, just let the dog chew the furniture.

    I’m with Helen – do you want those gifts sitting in the bottom of the toilet for your guests to see? Someone must flush in a timely fashion. Surely someone sells a cat door – say the Dollar General at the SkyStripMall?

    Your finds are amazing. And I heart Buddy Love.

  4. jake July 14, 2011 at 8:48 pm #

    “Of course, Iā€™m pretty sure seeing a cat pooping on a toilet is one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse”

    Cats in general are awful enough. I suppose teaching one to use the can might be alright… but that one looked evil. As for the dog bed? I’ve slept in worse… so pathetic.

  5. James Williams July 14, 2011 at 8:48 pm #

    I know you posted this as a lighthearted whimsical thing, but I have to say, I went to the mall last weekend where the rich people live (Highland Park, inside the center of Dallas), and all the materialism and overpriced grown-up toys (like the ones you have pictured here) made me sick.

    I don’t mean to sound judgmental about the people there, and I am sure a lot of them are good people who give a lot of their money away, but I came away with a terrible feeling in my stomach. I am not sure I can explain why, exactly, but your post reminds me of what I felt that day.

    This is not to say I don’t spend my money unwisely. Any American does. The fact that I bought this chair I am sitting in as I type, rather than donating that 80 bucks to the poor, is evidence of that. But the products you picture here, as well as the ones I saw in that mall, were way over the top. At least from my perspective. I am sure someone who makes half of what I make thinks the same about what I spend my money on.

    I’m not sure what my point is.

    • katdish July 14, 2011 at 9:13 pm #

      James, Look through some of my old comments. You don’t really need to have a point to comment here. Having sad that, I think I understand where you’re coming from. I’m surrounded by wealth where I live. Stores that sell nothing but overpriced dog products, others who sell overpriced cupcakes, and more plastic surgeons than dentists. It’s difficult to raise kids to value what’s important when they’re surrounded by all those shiny things that aren’t.

  6. floyd July 14, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    That would be the perfect comedic routine!
    I shared a few days ago that I was reading Of Mice And Men on the airplane ride back home. What I didn’t share was that my youngest was sitting next to me, bored out of her gourd. I got to hear and was forced to give the begrudging glance of parental obligation toward the exact copy of Sky Mall magazine.
    I chuckled out loud then and now at that goofy grey cat on the toilet!
    Ahhh… Sarcasm warms my heart after a good laugh.

    • katdish July 15, 2011 at 9:45 am #

      Floyd,

      Just re-read Of Mice and Men recently, too. Have you read The Winter of our Discontent? The critics panned it, but it won a Pulitzer. I thought it was awesome.

      • floyd July 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm #

        I think that’s one I might have missed. I’ll give it a read. I picked up Of Mice, Travels With Charley, and one other one of his for 11 bucks at a used book store. Do the bookstores still carry that book?

      • floyd July 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

        Disregard the last dumb question. I forgot that I have the world at my fingertips. I can get it on Amazon or I think it might even be in stock at the local bookstores…

  7. Glynn July 14, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    It seems like eons since the last Sky Mall post – and here it is. Skymalladocious!

  8. Jason July 14, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    You and your SkyMall. šŸ™‚

  9. Jonathan B July 15, 2011 at 6:23 am #

    It’s fun to laugh at some of the things that they sell in these catalogues, and other sources of stuff for the rich. I suppose a positive is that there are a number of people who have jobs creating, selling, and shipping all this stuff to those rich enough to buy it. I can’t imagine spending that kind of money on some of the things rich folks buy even if I had it, but at least it does employ people. The number of people employed by supporting a rich person…not just those who sell products to them but their domestic staff, service companies, and those employed by the companies they own or have stake in, is certainly far more than the number of people employed to support me. šŸ˜€ And for every Paris Hilton, there’s somebody in that family line that actually had to work hard for that money so that their descendants could spend it on expensive dog beds and designer dresses.

  10. jasonS July 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    If you’re rich enough for one of those outdoor TV’s, wow. But the real expense is budgeting for a full-time employee to spray it with the water hose too. Can’t forget that crucial part.

  11. Marni July 15, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    I have a slotted spoon just like the one in the litter box picture. I use it in the kitchen. Now I’m scared it was supposed to be a fancy pooper scooper and I use it for draining spaghetti….

  12. Michael July 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    Wow!! all those things seems great but they are really expensive!!! I’m still wondering how could anyone afford those stuff to him/her self….

  13. Louise July 16, 2011 at 8:54 am #

    So… I am embarrassed to confess that my sister and her husband tried to train their cats to use the toilet!!! But they didn’t buy a kit. Nope the training method included cellophane and kitty litter on the seat…

    It cracked me up — just like your list is causing me to laugh so hard I can’t see the screen for the tears running down my cheeks!

    PS — training the cats never worked. They refused to flush.

  14. carly July 16, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

    I’m sooo getting that Litter Kwitter for my kitty! I can’t believe I skipped reading Sky Mall on my last flight. Not anymore! BTW, your dog is adorable!

  15. karenzach July 17, 2011 at 10:46 am #

    I am seeing a dermatologist on Tuesday. The problem though is that thanks to all those extreme makeover shows, my doctor is much more interested in selling me botox than he is in checking out the freckles turned ugly.

  16. Simply Darlene July 17, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    All I can picture is sitting on Fuzzball the cat in the middle of the night and sending him deep sea diving into the johnny crapper. (Do they sell wet suits for cats?)

    Or what if you have one of those automatic seat raiser/lowerer things and Fuzzyball gets trapped inside?

    Thanks for introducing me to Sky Mall. I’m not sure it’s real, but it’s real fun.

    Blessings.

    • katdish July 17, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

      It is absolutely real. Go to skymall.com and feast your eyes upon all the many things you never knew you needed.

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