Everybody hurts sometimes
image courtesy of photobucket.com
This has been a busy, crazy week. As most of you know by now, I spent much of my time in the virtual world helping to promote the release of Paper Angels, Billy Coffey’s second novel. It’s been an atypical week in other ways as well. Work has required that my husband travel out of town more frequently than usual, and the stress of single parenting–albeit temporary–has left me more than a little emotionally drained at times.
In the midst of a rather chaotic morning, I received an email notification for a post I had written last year. My initial assumption was that it was a spam comment which had made its way through the filter.
It wasn’t.
It was an author who took offense to the title of my post, which happened to be the same as a book she had written and claimed to have copyrights to. Mine was a silly post about ugly Christmas sweaters with a deceptively serious title (Y’all know how I am.) Her book, which shared the same title as my post was her story of child abuse and prostitution. In the comment, she informed me that I did not have her permission to use her book title as the name of my blog post, that “she would contact her copywrite the following day”, and that “it was not something I wanted to get involved in”. She also stated that her (past) life was hell.
I could have argued with her, because the title is a very common phrase, and since I didn’t even know of the existence of her book when I wrote the post, my blog post title mirroring the title to her book was completely coincidental. For the briefest of moments, I considered challenging her, but sometimes the best argument is no argument at all. She was obviously upset, and challenging her would only serve to upset her more, especially considering the serious nature of her book versus the lighthearted nature of my blog post. I removed the post and sent her an email telling her as much. She sent me a brief but gracious email thanking me for doing so.
That brief exchange this week served as a much needed reminder that we all carry burdens, we all hurt, just because we don’t intend to hurt anyone doesn’t mean we don’t, and that sometimes we say we’re sorry not because we did something wrong, but simply because we didn’t know any better.
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Wow. How gracious of you! As you probably know, titles cannot be copyrighted. As I read the first part of this post, I was already forming in my head how I’d point this out to the lady if I were in your place, but the rest of your post reminded me of a very important lesson: we don’t need to win an argument just to win it.
Some truths are worth fighting for; this one is not one of them. Your response was much more mature than mine would have been. Kudos to you, Kat!
James Williams´s last [type] ..The Book of Man, by WIlliam Bennett: A Review
I thought it was funny (funny coincidental, not ha-ha funny) that I should get this the day Paper Angels by Billy Coffey was released. Eight days after Paper Angels by Travis Thrasher and Jimmy Wayne was released.
I have to say my reaction would have been as James said. I’m not sure I would have been as gracious. Yes kudos Kat. Thanks for sharing such a good reminder.
Good for you! My first reaction would be to challenge her as well. But you did the right thing. The thing we are supposed to do! You took the high road. What’s that saying about … if you treat everyone you come in contact with today as if they’re hurting, you’ll be treating most people right…? Something like that. Anyway, good job.
Laurie LMO_97´s last [type] ..A Lesson in Greed and Contentment
Now that is a gesture of selfless compassion I haven’t seen around the internets as of late. Bless you for choosing this as a hill you didn’t want to die on. Sometimes doing the right thing isn’t so difficult after all, and it makes for restful nights.
Candy´s last [type] ..Absent, yet in the moment
I got four of those same emails.
I just deleted them.
Didn’t even think about whether They were real or not. I just assumed they were spam.
Which they were.
Judging by the grammar in those emails, her editor had a LOT of work to do on her manuscript!
Peter P´s last [type] ..Our Messiest Moment
Peter, I suspected it was spam as well, but she had a legitimate website.
katdish´s last [type] ..Everybody hurts sometimes
Kat, that was very gracious of you but that woman needs to learn copyright law.
Jason´s last [type] ..Day 313: An answer to a question unasked
What a beautiful person you are, Kat. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the relationships we form with people online (and sometimes in real life). How we can’t know what’s going on in everyone’s life just by seeing them day after day on Twitter, Facebook, or passing them in the grocery store. A blog post or a status report is just a snippit, a snapshot of a person’s day. A person can rant one day and encourage the next. We have to consider the whole person. We are all very complicated, and as you remind us, we all carry burdens from time to time. I’m thinking we all probably could learn to offer more grace. I know I could.
Heather Sunseri´s last [type] ..I just don’t feel led and other such jargon
I don’t know if I would have handled this with as much grace as you did, Kat, but on the other hand, you are probably feeling a lot more peace about it now than I would be feeling (I would probably still be arguing with her via email and getting all revved up).
Great post.
Shawn Smucker´s last [type] ..Don’t Let NaNoWriMo Mess With Your Mojo
That’s what being married and having children has taught me. So often I hurt without meaning to. It doesn’t matter that I’m not wrong in my eyes; I’m wrong in theirs.
Megan Willome´s last [type] ..Poetry November, part 1
You handled that very well, Katdish, especially knowing that she was in the wrong.
Helen´s last [type] ..My Mind is a Battlefield
If it were me, I probably would have sent a polite note explaining that while book content can be copyrighted, the book title cannot. Or possibly edited the title of the post to avoid an argument. But I can’t help but applaud your reasons for your choice. Well done, Kat.
Great thought about sometimes the best argument being none at all. I end up shutting up a lot. You’ve been really cool to support Billy the way you have.
~ Wendy
Wendy´s last [type] ..Moving Thoughts Friday
Grace under fire. Kudos to you!
Maureen´s last [type] ..All Art Friday
You used Godly wisdom. And quite possibly there is more to this meeting than just chance. Maybe, just maybe, your joyful heart can help her to heal.
It almost sounds like she was seeking out a fight and that she hasn’t come to terms and been healed of the scars of her past. Maybe grace is exactly what the author needed. Hopefully she can find some peace.
That song Shiny Happy People doesn’t sound so bad now. This world needs more of them
Mike Elliott´s last [type] ..Monday Mind Dump: Let’s Play A Game Called Would You Rather….
Kat, you have a beautiful heart and a loving spirit.
thanks for teaching all of us about compassion,caring and being human.
Way to be! I would have been snarky about it, but you’re a better person than I am. I’m excited about Billy’s new book and I love how much you’ve been involved in the process. I think really highly of that!