Gifts not received

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Some of you may know that besides being a life skills coach and role model for author Billy Coffey, I also manage his website. This includes approving comments, scheduling new blog posts for him which he sends me via email, and sending Peter Pollock URGENT EMAILS TYPED IN ALL CAPS on those rare occasions when I’m experiencing technical difficulties with the site. One of the fringe benefits of this job is that I get to read Billy’s writing before anyone else does. Such was the case yesterday when he sent me his latest post Did you have a good Christmas?

I thought about that question.

Did I have a good Christmas?

And based upon the parameters in Billy’s post, I did have a good Christmas. Great even. My Christmas was quiet, spend surrounded by family, and I spent Christmas Eve being reminded that over 2,000 years ago in the town of David a Savior was born; he is the Messiah, the Lord. A baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. And while many equate January 1 as a time of new beginnings, I suppose I’m more like Ebenezer Scrooge. Waking up on Christmas morning feels more like a chance to start anew. When focused on that first Christmas gift–Jesus–everything else we receive is gravy.

I received some great gifts this year, including an iPhone 5 with Siri. Did you know that you can change the voice? If you go to settings, choose Siri, then choose Language, it will give you a list of several different languages in which to choose from.

If you choose English (United Kingdom), Siri becomes a British gentleman, which is awesome.

It's funny because it's true...

The only drawback to English Gentlemen Siri is that he has a hard time understanding my American accent. It was frustrating. I felt like Barry Kripke from Big Bang Theory:

But after several attempts to make a phone call via voice command, I finally figured out that all I needed to do was speak with a bad British accent and English Gentleman Siri was happy to oblige. Yeah…I’m totally doing that. Sorry/you’re welcome people within earshot of me using my phone.

But I digress…

Because I’m not here to talk to you about the gifts we receive for which we are grateful. I’m not even here to discuss gifts received that maybe we’re not so grateful for.

I’m asking you to consider being grateful for all those gifts you could have received but didn’t. For example,

Pajama Jeans

I have a friend who just LOVES her pajama jeans. She says they’re super comfortable and that when she modeled them for her kids, they didn’t even realize they weren’t actual jeans. To which I responded, “Um…uh, huh.” As I type this, I’m wearing jeans. I pretty much wear jeans every day. Why? Because they’re comfortable. I also have yoga pants, which are more comfortable, but unless I’m headed to the gym or to the bus stop, you’re not likely to catch me out in public wearing them. If you’re a stickler for comfort before fashion, then by all means, wear your yoga pants or your sweat pants out in public. But pajama jeans wearers, you’re not fooling anyone.

The WaxVac

Gaaaaahhh!!! I’ll stick with dangerous Q-tips, because that’s just gross.


This is a gift that says, “I don’t think you have the mental capacity or physical dexterity to remove a piece of plastic wrap out of its original container and that maybe your junk drawer isn’t quite full enough.

Thanks, but no thanks.

And of course, there’s

The Jesus Chair

Oh, who am I kidding? I would LOVE to receive the Jesus Chair. Then I would throw a big dinner party, set it at the head of the table and watch as guests uncomfortably ponder whether or not they should sit in it.

So how about it? What are you grateful for NOT receiving this Christmas?

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9 Responses to “Gifts not received”

  1. Beth January 3, 2013 at 11:56 am #

    I love Barry Kripke! And we laugh ourselves silly every time the Wax Vac commercial comes on. And that is all because my four year old will not stop talking!!!

  2. BeckeyZ January 3, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

    I totally stopped shopping when I was standing in the “as seen on tv” aisle at Walmart. I figured people would thank me for NOT buying them another snuggie or glow pillow.

  3. Beth January 3, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

    Ok he went to the bathroom….time for part 2. However, I do love me some Snuggies! And I would rock the pajama jeans. Just saying.

    • katdish January 3, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

      Something tells me you actually WOULD rock the pajama jeans.

  4. jake January 3, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Forgive me, I’m going to be a little more vulgar than normal. The gift I was least grateful for this year was and incredibly phallic bottle of tequila. I reached into the gift bag, between sheets of tissue paper, grabbed the dang thing and started pulling it out, in front of my family!

    I wish I could have seen the look on my own face, because immediately, everyone was laughing at me. One person yelled, “It’s a bong!” another, “It’s a ________!”

    I was mortified. I had reason to believe that it was a sex toy because those have made the occasional appearance at my family gatherings.

    Kathy, it’s okay if you delete this comment. But there you go.

    • katdish January 3, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

      Why would I delete that comment? Snort! Sorry to laugh at your expense. I’m just glad it was you and not me, Jake.

      • jake January 3, 2013 at 11:02 pm #

        I was letting you delete it because of the words “phallic” and “sex toy” oh man…. you should have been there to laugh at me. 🙂

  5. Louise Gallagher January 6, 2013 at 10:51 am #

    I am grateful for not receiving the ‘onesie’ my girlfriend and her family received — ordered all the way from Sweden I might add in hotter than irritatingly hot pink!

    And… if you get that chair can I come to dinner too please and watch… 🙂

    and.. I didn’t know that about Siri — now I’m going to have to go find my phone and check it out!

  6. SimplyDarlene January 6, 2013 at 11:53 pm #

    doesn’t the Jesus chair have some weird feet or something? seems like we’ve seen it here before, right?

    what am i glad that i didn’t get? well, i’m always glad not to get a wedgie.

    will you include an audio of you talking to your Siri? i think it would be a benefit to society at large. really, i do.


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