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Katdishionary!** Part 2


**Read this really fast in your head:
Katdishionary is the intellectual property of Steph at the Red Clay Diaries (hereinafter referred to as SOTRCD). Reference herein to any specific commercial product, process, service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by SOTRCD or any entities thereof. The views and opinions of the originators expressed therein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the HLAC, SOTRCD, FOTTSP, TWSS or any agency or entities thereof.

Katdishionary – (pronounced ka-di-shun-ary)

Definition: A collection of made up words providing endless blog fodder.

Origin: comment from Steph at the Red Clay Diaries from the first installment of this never-ending series:

“I have to share a brainstorm that came to me in the car, on my way to Starbucks.

The Katdish Dictionary is a nice name for the service you’re providing. But a better name would be:

THE KATDISHIONARY.

You can pay me my standard branding fee later.”

(see also badgertastic)

Fatassitosis – (pronounced fat-as-si-to-sis)

Definition: A mutant strain of a virus scientists claim to have recently discovered. Their findings state that obesity can be “caught” as easily as a common cold from other people’s coughs, sneezes and dirty hands. The condition has been linked to a highly-infectious virus which causes sniffles and sore throats.

Origin: HLAC’s breaking news story – This just in: I’m not fat, I just have a butt cold!

Kadonkadonk (pronounced ka-don-ka-donk)

Definition: what Sherri’s butt says when she walks.

Origin: (see Fatassitosis)

Example: Sherri said: I’ve been a cold sufferer for years now.

God must have been handing out lots of ample rears in the sixties.
My sister and I got a matching set.
Our sickness was contacted at birth and runs in our Italian family.

I could weigh 79 lbs. and my rear would still be doing the kadonkadonk when I walk.

* I wear lots of long shirts, blazers, etc. to insure proper coverage.

Big AL calls mine the “mystery butt”. No one has seen it in years!!!!

Badonkadonk – (pronounced ba-don-ka-donk)

Definition: What Steph’s butt says when she walks.

Origin: (see also fatassitosis)

Example: Steph says: ANOTHER way we are alike. Only my butt says badonkadonk. My sister and I could both weigh next-to-nothing and still have lots of cushioning. My sister was once told by an African-American girl that her butt was awfully big for a white person’s.

Italian blood here too.

( ) ( ) ( )

Hmmm…That’s a considerable word count for a post about big butts. Kewl.

And now, let’s sing, shall we?

A Tribute to Hot Dogs


(This picture reminded me that I haven’t ranted incessantly about Martha Stewart in awhile. I shall have to remedy this situation very soon.)

My post on Thursday, The Katdish Dictionary Part 1 caused me to wax poetic about a time before most of us from The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants were on the twitter. FOTTSP was like our own personal twitter without the 140 character limitation. Good times.

Anyhoo, I decided to go back through some old posts and I found this wonderful tribute to hot dogs from Celine Dion:

Aren’t you glad you stopped by? Sorry/You’re welcome.

***

For a complete list of the assorted mixed bag of nuts who contribute to The Fellowship, click on the link and check the sidebar. And if you think my sidebars are crowded, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

A Refresher Course in Kindergarten Ethics


I would venture to guess that the vast majority of those reading this post have already read the following excerpt by Robert Fulghum at least once. Having said that, I sometimes need a reminder of the simple truths found within this book, and I hope you don’t mind me sharing them here.

All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

– by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work some every day.

Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup – they all die. So do we.

And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK . Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology and politics and sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all – the whole world – had cookies and milk about 3 o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I am currently working on a revised version of this list where I will contrast and compare Mr. Fulghum’s wisdom with that of one of my favorite television shows. It will be delightful, I’m sure. Stay tuned…

Keyword Searches: Whaa huh?

Well, it’s that time again. And by “that time again” what I mean to say is that I’ve got nothing really worthy of a post, but that’s never stopped me before. So there you go.

If nothing else, Google Analytics is always good for a laugh. For whatever it’s worth, keyword searches about tithing, katdish, Billy Coffey and Annie K’s boobs continue to top the charts. And for a person who finds emoticons incredibly annoying, I have an equally annoying amount of keyword searches pertaining to how to make annoying emoticons.

Here’s some keyword searches that landed people to my blog, no doubt leaving them devastatingly disappointed and/or confused:

Chicken Searches:

  • hey look a chicken
  • katdish chicken
  • look a chicken
  • look a chicken blog
  • look there’s a chicken
  • why helen not buying me a chicken
  • francis chan throw chicken
  • chicken as bait for sharks
  • chicken butt emoticon
  • chicken in every backyard
  • chicken run away picture
  • chicken snake look
  • chicken without hair
  • chickens with a red butt
  • church chicken in bucket
  • man calls women chicken
  • hey look a chicken card
  • how should chicken look when it’s barbecued?
  • top ten chicken meet com.

Man Card Searches:

  • I’m gonna have to ask you for your mancard
  • mancard revoked
  • mancard
  • revoke my mancard
  • take away my mancard club
  • what does “man-card ownership” mean?
  • wife mancard

Personality trait searches:

  • annoying trending topics twitter
  • being obnoxious
  • friends think I’m obnoxious
  • is self promotion okay?
  • I’m okay with being obnoxious

And these just made me laugh or make me say, Huh?:

  • bbq pollock (ouch, Peter!)
  • gods and cats used as sharkbait
  • hey look my internet works fine
  • Jesus beach buckets
  • many canadians refer to americans as “upper mexicans”
  • na na nana na na nana na na candy
  • country folk in front porch rockers with shotguns (Billy’s kinfolk, no doubt)
  • shark bait ho ha ha
  • howdy cloud
  • skymall hair laser
  • slutty rock band

So there you have it. That’s not all of them, just some of my favorites. What lands people on your blog?

Austin Adventure


Most of you know I spent last weekend visiting my dad just outside of Austin. It was a very laid back visit with lots of time just hanging out by the cement pond watching the kids swim and reading a couple of manuscripts. (I say that like I read manuscripts all the time.) I’m just very fortunate to have met some very good writers through this blog that for whatever reason didn’t laugh at me when I asked to read their work. (I’ll most likely give you the 411 on what I read at a later date.)

Sunday we visited Gateway Community Church and met the guest preacher, Vince Antonucci. It was a great way to kick off a laid back Father’s Day.

So, guess what my husband wanted to do while in Austin?

He wanted to go to the Graceland of Outdoor Manly Stuff – Cabela’s.

I must admit. I’ve always been pretty impressed with the Bass Pro Shop near our house – boats, a huge fish tank, lots of dead animals stuffed and displayed everywhere. Plus, that place is huge! At least I THOUGHT it was huge. That was before I went to Cabela’s. How many stores do you know that have their own water tank in the parking lot, hmmm?

Bass Pro Shop is a skinny punk compared to Cabela’s. If Bass Pro Shop was lying on the beach, Cabela’s would come up, kick sand in his face and steal his girlfriend away.

That’s how much better Cabela’s is than Bass Pro Shop.

We went to Bass Pro last night to pick up something for the boat. I actually felt bad for it. All this time I thought it was so great, but I found myself at the entrance trying to convince it,

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

I won’t give you a run down of how massive a store Cabela’s is. I’ll just share a few camera phone shots with you:

Doesn’t that moose look majestic? Sure, the coins in the water and fake rocks take away from his dignity a bit, but still…


There’s something very impressive about the rack on this deer, but I forgot what it is… (Investigative journalist I am not.)


Um…yeah. That’s an airplane up there, and there’s every kind of game animal you can imagine in that place, and they are everywhere!


Polar bear? Check. Buffalo? Check.

So, what did you do last weekend?

Possible Fodder for your Blog

Are you one of those bloggers that subscribe to or are a member of one of those sites that helps you with ideas and ways to get more traffic on your blog? Yeah, me neither. But some of my blogger friends do this and I think it’s kind of cool. Since I had tons of fun with a meme (I don’t even know what that means) that Steph sent to me, I thought I throw one of my own out there. This is an idea that’s been rolling around in my head for a few days. In case you don’t know me that well, that’s kinda like hanging out at the video arcade: It’s fun every now and then, but it can become dangerous if frequented too often. Anyway, here’s my premise:

Put aside the fact that that just might be the lamest puppet in the history of video and work with me here. I feel for Chris Rice because that song is probably one of his better known ones yet it is not representative of the rest of his body of work. Sort of like “Awesome God” by Rich Mullins. While it’s probably his most recognized song, it’s really not in the same vein as most of his work. Incidentally, I’ve been told that he wrote that song while he was sitting in traffic and was getting angry at the other drivers around him. But I digress…

I plan to work on this idea and post it on Tuesday. I am going to select bloggers from my blogroll and throw some others in (because I read more blogs than are on my roll) and assign them cartoon characters or fictional characters that I feel best relates to them. It might be based on personal appearance, character traits, or a combination of the two. I will probably be way off on some, but I promise I’ll be considerate and not post anything that anyone might find offensive or might unintentionally hurt some one’s feelings. I might screw that up, too. But I want you to know before I do it that that is not my intent. It’s just stuck in my head and I gotta shake it out. In the meantime, if anyone else wants to do this, I think it might be fun. Plus, I’m curious to see what you come up with for me. Oh, and just so we get this one off the table, I don’t want to see this one:

Did I just hear a collective “Dang!”?

P.S. – I’ve been playing around with my blog layout a little. No big changes, just trying to add another column. So, hopefully it will look a little better soon. (Not “fancy”, just better)

These are a few of my favorite things…

Unlike Wednesday, yesterday was a very productive day. I got a huge chunk of Christmas shopping done (by the way, Target has some pretty sweet DVDs on sale for 5 bucks), got a jacket and boots for my dog — don’t judge me — he’s a wuss, and sold some doll clothes for my mom. On top of that, I went to see my son perform in his “Non-specific Winter Holiday” choir concert, and served my children and healthy and nutritious dinner. (I think it was the Number 3 and the Number 6, no ketchup.) By the time I got home and checked my email, gmail, and blog, and then responded to I don’t even know how many comments on I’ve lost track of how many blogs, I was out of steam.

So rather than write something like, “Today I ate a sandwich and then I took a nap,” I decided to do what many bloggers do when they got nothing. I searched YouTube. BTW – I’m almost positive I stole the sandwich/nap line from Matt at the Church of No People, but now I can’t find where he wrote it.

I think I hit the jackpot here. The word “brilliant” is not something I would normally ascribe to most of the stuff I see on YouTube. But the following video combines two of my favorite things. Namely, Jim Gaffigan and Harry Potter. If you don’t think the following video is awesome, I’m not so sure we can be friends anymore. Enjoy!

Editor’s Note: I usually write a blog post the night before and then schedule it for the morning, so if I get my “todays” and “yesterdays” mixed up, I apologize. Feel free to edit as you go.

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