Katdish.net

So it seems some of my chatty bloggy gal pals/royal twitter ho-nesses think I’ve been a bit of a slacker this week. I suppose twitter-wise that’s the case. Actually, even though I have been on the computer quite a bit this week, I was barely even able to keep up with my own blog, let alone my normal stops and the twitter. It’s sort of been crunch time on some other projects that I’m working on, so please forgive me for not enriching your lives with my awesomeness. I will try to do better next week, but I’m not making any promises I can’t keep.

And now for the best (and least) of me on the twitter:

1. I think Amazon should send me a Kindle. Just because…

2. RT @MichaelHyatt: Just a thought: Amazon should market Kindle similar to how Apple marketed iPod: “1,500 books in the palm of your hand.”

3. @Helenatrandom And who died and made y’all the twitter police?2 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Helenatrandom

4. You may apologize by reading my blog post: Believing is also Feeling (The artsy post): http://bit.ly/AtJ5o

5. AHEM! Some of us had to paint today and therefore could not be on the twitter.

6. Don de’ esta, @HerbieGookins

7. @HerbieGookins Ask your mom if she knows any publisher interested in it. I can get started on it right away.

8. …Even though I would totally buy that book…

9. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Kat Dish #failedchildrensbooktitles

10. @shrinkinngcamel Deep dish, katdish

11. RT @ProfessionalOne: @katdish Conference you in? Hell, you’re the only topic I’ll be discussing! The class is called “A twitter Case Study: @katdish …

12. @ProfessionalOne Oooo! Can you conference me in?

13. @shrinkingcamel Okay…wait…whaa? No wonder you make the big bucks…

14. Art is the concrete artifact of faith and expectation – Stephen King

15. @shrinkingcamel You’re dead to me, Bradley.

16. @shrinkingcamel DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST TELL ME I WAS WRONG????

17. @shrinkingcamel Is anyone hiring? I’m very good at disagreeing with people.

18. The Sound of Muzak #failedchildrensbooktitles

19. @redclaydiaries Some people just can’t appreciate the classics.

20. @redclaydiaries Now there’s a book you could write!

21. Little Stephanie’s Chicken Foot Necklace #failedchildrensbooktitles

22. The Boxcar Children and the Old Hobo’s infected Foot #failedchildrensbooktitles

23. RT @asilannax: I’m half southern and half Canadian, so when I’m rude to you, I’ll sugar coat it, then apologize profusely afterwards.

24. RT @Go_RV_ing: rainbows n unicorns….lotto tix and winnin’s …these are a few of my favorite things

25. Sometimes I have things to say to myself and I don’t want everyone all up in my business.

26. It’s so frustrating that twitter won’t let me DM myself!

27. @WinLiannefield Aw, it’s all good. Have you bathed today? If yes, then I think you’re okay.

28. @WinLiannefield Will you be joining the twitter ho carnival this week?

29. @n8sant I like to think of it as “Enriching lives thru the power of social media.” Tweet a lot sounds so common.

30. @marni71 Hey Marni! (@helenatrandom told me to say that) But seriously – Hey!

31. Just to tell you, if I see your avatar on my tweetdeck more than my own, you need to take it down a notch.

32. Sorry. Shameless, I know…

33. RT @Helenatrandom: @br8kthru That would be horrendous! what would I do if I couldn’t see @katdish ‘s tweets. I bear it enough on Sundays, but ot ..

34. @Helenatrandom Oh, seismic – meh! I didn’t like it either. Try tweetdeck, I love it. I have a facebook column that I completely ignore!

35. @godhasablog I’m sure you know what I’m talking about….being God and whatnot.

36. @godhasablog They should all move to Houston. No knights or kings, but plenty of queens.

37. @br8kthru You mean like “rising stars” watch list or “for the love of Gumby would this woman please shut up” watchlist?

38. @godhasablog I thought that title was already taken by @ryanmer

39. @godhasablog I don’t like where this is heading, Sir…

40. RT @billycoffey: Boxing! Sweat! Blood!

41. @br8kthru People Browser not showing my tweets?!? ….farging bastitches…

42. How did I get on some random Avon emailing list? Hmmm…..

43. @Brian_Russell I have no clue what that tramp stamp is supposed to mean. Should I be flattered or offended.

44. @JeanneDamoff Trust me, Jeanne – I’m not that big a deal. But you’re right – kids say the funniest things.

45. @MistiPearl ACK! Again with the Tom stuff!

46. @JeanneDamoff I like to keep people curious.

47. @becca_homefront Yay, indeed. I’m looking forward to posting it. Very good read.

48. A quote (or re-quote) from the one and only @JeanneDamoff : “Watch Me break this board with my head.” ~ Jesus.

49. RT @RachelleGardner: “Becoming the reader is the essence of becoming a writer.” John O’Hara//Oh, man! Is that good or what?

50. @Helenatrandom I’ll have to go read all your butt tattoo suggestions from my PCB* post.

51. RT @Helenatrandom: @katdish Then I’d have to referr to my buttcheeks as “”the twins”. Who wants that?

52. @Helenatrandom I figured you would want Mary Kate and Ashley.

53. @Helenatrandom Annie’s frontsetts…Snort!

54. I’M NOT TELLING WHAT OR WHERE MY TATTOO WILL BE! NEVER EVER!

55. @JeanneDamoff Yay! I can’t tell you what OR where….

56. “An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn’t know why they choose him and he’s usually too busy to wonder why.” – Faulkner

57. I want a tattoo, but if I told you of what I’d have to…well, you know…

58. @HerbieGookins Good Morning! How is Mr. Gookins and the little Gookins today?

59. And speaking of coffee, Good Morning @billycoffey

60. @buzzbyannies Color me impressed. Here’s what I come up with before coffee: “GAAAA! I need coffee!”

61. RT @jackalopekid: What r u doing right this second? (I’m on the twitter – duh)

62. Here’s one: “Never, ever hit someone in anger, unless you’re absolutely sure you can get away with it.” Harold Ramis

63. What are some of your favorite quotes? Inquiring minds wanna know: http://bit.ly/qXNMu

64. Time to run some rock star errands. I need some people…

65. RT @PuriChristos: @Helenatrandom I have the spiritual gifts of wise ass and being even more stuborn (spelling? not so much)

66. What Helen said…

67. RT @Helenatrandom: @PuriChristos Some people have the spiritual “gift” of stubbornnes..Sometimes I “regift” stubbornness myself…

68. @HerbieGookins And yet you steadfastly refuse my lovely Bratz Dolls. Go figure…2:14 PM Jul 27th from TweetDeck in reply to HerbieGookins

69. @HerbieGookins You should get Mr. Gookins to make some Toy Story nightmare toy out of it .2:07 PM Jul 27th from TweetDeck in reply to HerbieGookins

70. RT @HerbieGookins: Meet me as a fourteen year old. I was way too serious. http://bit.ly/VxfsD (Well looky there, Beth wrote a blog post!)

71. You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

72. @emptynestegg Fun today? Hmmm….You should go to my blog and make fun of @billycoffey ‘s shirt.

73. RT @Helenatrandom: @HerbieGookins You’re being stalked by three erratically behaved midgets?! OMGoogle! You poor thing..//OMGoogle!

74. RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish I’m pretty sure I do…does the pastor’s name rhyme with Mole Schmosteen?

75. @HerbieGookins SNORT! Yes. Yes it does.

76. @HerbieGookins Thanks. Do you know what the “Fellowship of Excitement” is?

77. Is there something wrong with my tweetdeck, or are my friends just ignoring me? Hmmm?????

78. @HerbieGookins Oh, so you’re chatting with @helenatrandom, but not me. Nice..

79. @HerbieGookins Hi Beth! Normal is relative. You are, after all, in Indiana.

80. @ryanmer Dude, seriously. How can you not have a driver’s license? You wouldn’t last a day in Houston.

81. @PeterPollock Yes, Peter. I’ll say it again. You’re prompt. No one can take that away from you.

82. @weightwhat Like I have that kind of time. Just RT everything she says, okay?

83. @PeterPollock You get all the cool kids to follow you first!

84. Where are @redclaydiaries tweets?

85. Thanks for the follow high profile Christian writer dude who will remain nameless! You won’t be sorry, despite what @redclaydiaries says.

86. @billycoffey That’s the beauty of me! And incidentally, sorry/you’re welcome.

87. @BridgetChumbley I think that will be my first book: Katdish quotes Sure to sell tens of copies.

88. @billycoffey Hey! You’re supposed to be sending me that book!

90. @bryanallain EWH, EWH, EWH!

91. @PeterPollock Pastor Billy? Not quite. But he does write some good parables, huh?

92. @unmarketing Canadians: Like regular white people, only slower.

93. @unmarketing Tempting…but Canada? Meh…

94. @tremendousnews Clown make-up? UNFOLLOW!2:34 PM Jul 26th from TweetDeck in reply to tremendousnews

95. RT @tremendousnews: I’m in the blissfully unaware period between waking up and remembering why I have clown makeup on.2:33 PM Jul 26th from TweetDeck

97. RT @muchl8r: keyword search that brought someone to my blog “christian puberty” that pretty much nails it! http://thoughtife.blogspot…./

98. @buzzbyannies No. I’ve replaced those items with a sock full of quarters, because you just never know when you’ll need that…

99. @buzzbyannies Of course not! (I took out the coffee and the airline pretzels)

100. @redclaydiaries – I reposted the crap in my purse post, where I give you full credit for getting me on the twitter.

Ladies and Gentlemen, as always:

Sorry/you’re welcome.

Now if you wrote a twitter post, please link your bad self up right here:

My writing schedule is sort of vampire-like. I eat dinner and try to have some family time every night. Then, when everyone else is in bed, I turn on my computer and write. My self imposed deadline for posting is 12:01 AM. I usually finish the post before then, but not by much. And then there’s the distraction that is the twitter.

The following is a conversation that started out innocently enough (Don’t they always?), and quickly spiraled downward into the twitter ho abyss. Sorry, Candy. Couldn’t resist this one. The conversation will actually be in correct order. There were so many involved in this conversation that I had to cut and paste each tweet. Much of the conversation was left on the cutting room floor because Wendy and Helen out-tweeted everyone 3 to 1. They have their own twitter posts today (Which will not doubt be hilarious), so check theirs out as well. As always, Sorry/You’re Welcome:

Me: @Helenatrandom Snort! Remind me to tell you about the time I was reprimanded by dh for laughing in the colonoscapy recovery room.

Helen: @katdish Thanks. You’ll like this: I told the med student before the procedure: “I’m glad my husband’s butt is in your hands…”

Wendy: @Helenatrandom – Why are you always trying to put Bob’s butt in other people’s hands?

Helen: @weightwhat It’s a nice butt….I’m generous like that…

Billy: @Helenatrandom Starting to blush here a little…

Helen: @billycoffey Wow! I’m good!

And then sweet Candy chimed in…and that’s when the fun started…

Candy: @katdish @Helenatrandom i was virtually ignored during my c’scopy because RB was on the bed next 2 me passing a kidney.

Helen: @CandySteele Yikes! I hope the hospital was having a two for one sale that week…

Candy: @Helenatrandom hardly. The day cost us a fortune and I had to stay awake enough to take care of him afterwards. Ugly.

Wendy: @CandySteele – That’s very inconsiderate to take the attention off of you just for a couple little kidney stones.

Billy: @CandySteele You guys do EVERYTHING together!

Wait for it……

Wait for it…...

Candy: @billycoffey special, bonding moments. There was lots of moaning that day.

Candy: @billycoffey oops, that sounded so WRoNG!

But alas…the genie cannot be put back into the bottle. Candy had thrown twitter chum into the water, and the hungry sharks were ready to attack.

Billy: @CandySteele You just made me blush more than Helen did. That’s quite an accomplishment.

Candy: @billycoffey very unintentional. Sort of shot from the hip there, didn’t I?

Me: @billycoffey @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat Snort!

Me: @CandySteele Annnnnddddd……That’s what she said

Wendy: @katdish – I’m tellin’ ya, we were separated at birth!

Me: @weightwhat Great minds…

Helen: @CandySteele Candy! That was so funny! I knew what you meant, but thought you were pulling an @katdish with the double entendre!

Helen: @CandySteele Another TWSS moment, brought to you by @CandySteele…

Candy: @Helenatrandom and just drug the soon to be famous @billycoffey through a blush session.

Helen: @BillyCoffey And I am the one supposed to be making you blush on twitter! @CandySteele TEACH ME!

Billy: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish This is why I’m afraid to get on here with you people.

Helen: @billycoffey Don’t worry…Our bark is worse than our bite…..RUFF RUFF!

Billy: @Helenatrandom You have to admit that’s a pretty scary bark, though. Much more pit bull than poodle.

Me: @billycoffey Hey. You’re welcome for introducing you to all my high brow friends.

Billy: @katdish How could I ever thank you?

Peter: I came on to see if there was anything good to RT. Apparently the tweeps I follow don’t have anything deep to say on a Friday night.

Helen: @PeterPollock Pacific Ocean. How’s that for deep?

Candy: @PeterPollock run away very fast. It’s getting scary here.

Peter: OK, twitterland is getting positively weird. I’m outta here.

Me: @PeterPollock Oh Peter! Lightweight!

Billy: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Me: RT @billycoffey: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Helen: @billycoffey Are you kidding? Try stopping her! (And if she doesn’t @weightwhat and I will do our own twitter posts…)

Me: Too late. It’s been RTed. It’s as good as posted.

Candy: @katdish PUHLEEZE – I don’t want to tarnish his Yankee reputation before the book comes out!

Me: @CandySteele Seriously, Candy – he writes for me. How much more tarnished can you get?

Candy: @katdish that’s true. He can only go up from there.

Billy: @katdish I seriously think I was less tarnished about ten minutes ago.

Jon: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish I’m a little worried for @billycoffey with all this estrogen in the Twitter room!

Billy: @ofmercy Sometimes I think they have more testosterone than I do.

Jon: @billycoffey I hear ya on that one! They have well developed masculine sides!

Billy: @ofmercy The fact that they will all take that as a compliment proves your point.

Billy: @katdish @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat You’re the women my mother warned me about when I was in high school.

Me: @billycoffey You’ve only known us for a short time. You have no idea.

Jon: @billycoffey they keep saying we have “no idea” – I think that is a veiled threat!

Wendy: @ofmercy – You have no idea.

Candy: @billycoffey we are harmless, totally. And I’m old enough to be your mother. What’s her twitter name? We can bond.

Wendy: @CandySteele – You don’t need to start with the crazy talk like that…

Wendy: @ofmercy! You’re here! Did you bring your galoshes?

Helen: @ofmercy Oh Goody! Come join us….We need someone new to bother….Let @BillyCoffey rest…for a moment…

Me: @weightwhat How come I can’t see @ofmercy on my tweetdeck? Did you block me Jon?

Wendy: @katdish – He just shot out one tweet and has gone into hiding. Did we scare him?

Me: @ofmercy Okay. Let’s just do this, Jon. What’s wrong with me?

Billy: @katdish Oh, I know this! Me! Me!

Wendy: @ofmercy – Yes, just what IS wrong with @katdish. And did you ever tell her what kind of nut she is?

Jon: @weightwhat I take safety behind my iPhone!

Wendy: @ofmercy – I don’t think that little thing will be your best choice to hide behind. Got a bunker?

Jon: @katdish What, pray-tell, do you mean what is wrong with you?

Me: @ofmercy I mean, do I use humor as a defense mechanism? Do I have delusions of grandure? How is that spelled anyway?

Wendy: @katdish – I’d tell you how to spell it, but I’m too good for that.

Jon: @billycoffey A little help?

Billy: @ofmercy I’d better not. If I make her mad she might not let me post on her blog anymore.

Me: @billycoffey Mr. Coffey, if you didn’t write for me on Monday, I would actually have to write something. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Billy: @katdish So you keep me around because you’re lazy? Thank you! Anyone else out there need someone to guest post on their blog?

Candy: @billycoffey I always need a guest post since mine R infrequent.Now I’m leveling out the estrogen/testosterone ratio here & going to bed.

Jon: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty!

Me: RT @ofmercy: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty! (Aww! Cool. Thanks)

Me: @billycoffey That’s what you were going to say, right? What @ofmercy said? Yeah…I know.

Billy: @katdish I told him to say that.

Billy: @ofmercy @katdish scares me. She’s a ninja.

Jon: @billycoffey COWARD! :O Where’s that redneck, mancard holding, word wielding guy who doesn’t back down!

Billy: @ofmercy No, after midnight she turns into a shiny vampire ninja. Much more dangerous

Jon: @billycoffey So what is your secret – how do you do it? manage all this…whatever it is…

Billy: @ofmercy Trust me, Jon. You do not want to go there.

Jon: @billycoffey Are they usually…ummm…like this?

Billy: @ofmercy No. Usually worse.

Wendy: @ofmercy – C’mon Jon, you love us. Don’t deny it.

Helen: @ofmercy I’m a bad influence on them….Oh, who am I kidding? We are bad influences on each other. At home we wear ankle length dresses.

Billy: @weightwhat @ofmercy @katdish @Helenatrandom Heading to bed to dream of colonoscopies, kidney stones, and moans. Pray for me. Goodnight all

Helen: @billycoffey Looks likewe are giving you something new to have nightmares about…You are welcome…

Okay folks…that took forever and a day! No more of my ridiculous tweets this week. Be sure to check out The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants today. We’re having a blog carnival where you can check out lots and lots of tweets by some of my favorite twitter hos.

Okay, big week on the twitter. Matt @ the Church of No People who proclaimed that he would NOT be on the twitter via his blog is now, in fact, on the twitter. Why? Well, I cannot prove this beyond a reasonable doubt, but I think the last straw was when I told Pete Wilson via twitter than Matt had a secret man crush on him, after which Pete left a comment on his blog. Never doubt the power of obnoxiousness. It is magic, I tell you. MAGIC!

I also somehow managed to surpass 500 followers. How? The old fashioned way, people — one annoying tweet at a time.

And, of course — sometime yesterday morning, @helenatrandom, @weightwhat, @candysteele and @katdish embarked on a journey to make hash tag history by clogging up the twitter with #youmightbeatwitterho. I was going to post them all here, but frankly, I don’t have that kind of time, so here’s the link: Trending Topics: You Might be a Twitter Ho.

I promised myself I would keep this update to 100 tweets or less, even though I had…a bunch more than that. So, without further adieu,

The best (or not) of me on the Twitter:

1. If you give up trying to cut and paste all the twitter ho references and just decide to link the trending topic, #youmightbeatwitterho

2. Irony: I have to stay off the twitter because…I have to write a post about being on the twitter.
3. Facebook Friends: It’s not you. It’s me. Long term relationships consisting of over 140 characters smother me. But we can still be friends

4. @weightwhat You’re exhausting. Sort of like me…

5. @weightwhat Too early for what? Art or cross dressing men?

6. @Helenatrandom Because no one wants to see a man in a bikini.

7. @buzzbyannies @CandySteele @weightwhat Can you people wait for me to get on the twitter before you start these conversations?

8. RT @jerdavcpa: @katdish I think I will name them monkeybutt, iluvkatdish, lookachicken, and notdaughtrey

9. @billycoffey I broke 500. Jealous much?

10. @ofmercy Thank you Jon! Why are you so nice to me? Nevermind. I’ll take it!

11. Absolutely nothing. And will most likely unfollow me soon after.

12. I’ve gotta go to praise team practice. My 500th follower will receive……

13. @CandySteele And just to tell you, I’m 4 away from 500 followers, so the fact that @ronsteele7 won’t follow me is a bitter pill to swallow.

14. @CandySteele Well yes. I would know that they appreciate my genius.

15. @prodigaljohn Okay, PJ. Definitely seeing some improvements in the tweets. Keep it up, and I may stop calling you PJ.

16. RT @asilannax: I celebrated Canada Day in a very American way. That is to say, I cooked a frozen pizza and ate a piece the size of my head

17. RT @jewdacris4: RT @katdish: If your standards are embarrassingly low, you should follow me. ;no wonder i’m one of her twitter followers

18. @ylnt I like a good box wine. April was an excellent month.

19. However, I am considering all offers to publish my book: “Making your Mark: How to write long, annoying comments on other people’s blogs”

20. Five more followers before I reach 500. I am excited, and I don’t know why. I’m not selling anything.

21. @ProfessionalOne That was really sweet…in a cyberstalkerish sort of way.

22. RT @ProfessionalOne: @ofmercy Can I follow @katdish twice?

23. I am now at 492 followers. I’m going to interface with the non-virtual people. If I break 500 by the time I’m back, then hey! good for me!

24. If, like Allanis Morrisette, you don’t truly grasp the definition of “Ironic”, #youmightbecanadian

25. If you sometimes refer to the 48 states as “upper mexicans”, #youmightbecanadian

26. If you know Canadian history enough to know that Manitoba means literally “many tubas”, #youmightbecanadian

27. If you’re like regular white people only slower #youmightbecanadian

28. RT @tremendousnews: If there was a point in your life where you were jealous of someone’s toboggan, #youmightbecanadian

29. @PeterPollock Well, dang Peter! I’m about to call it a night. Where have you been? Storming the castle?

30. @CandySteele Do you doubt that I could win that argument? Me thinks not.

31. What the???? I have almost 500 followers? You people have horribly low standards.

32. @weightwhat I’m going to have to penalize you 10 yards for using the term “tweeps”

33. @HerbieGookins Goodnight Beth! You big dork!

34. @CandySteele Yeah. We are SO easily amused by ourselves!

35. Have you been looking for a blog completely devoted to tacky decorative pigs? My friend, your search is over: http://bit.ly/1UTz6

36. @PeterPollock I think Brad Lomenick was mildly offended in Atlanta when I made him pose for a picture with a paper doll.

37. @bryanallain I don’t really get free tickets. They pay me not to show up.

38. @bryanallain You have to pay for you Catalyst tickets? Must suck being you…

39. @weightwhat Don’t fear me. Unless you leave an anonymous comment on my blog. Then, fear me indeed.

40. Go Katdish. A phrase I’ve often heard uttered…but not in a good way.

41. RT @TonyCToday: @katdish That’s awesome! I’ve already added him…go Katdish!

42. RT @weightwhat: RT@StephenAtHome why does census ignore america’s vampires? join me in my chant for justice: count dracula! count dracula!

43. @davidgs Yes you are! Embrace your cranky ho-ness!

44. AHEM! @MattTcoNP (Matt @ the Church of No People) is now on the twitter. All together now: Katdish, you were right!

45. @bryanallain Tyler and me. It should be Tyler and me. Love, the grammar police.

46. @PuriChristos @billycoffey @buzzbyannies @Helenatrandom @weightwhat @CandySteele Did you hear? Matt finally caved and is on the twitter.

47. RT @tsbailey: Tuesday is just Monday without as much bitterness.

48. Mmm, hmm. Thought so…

49. That would be the same Matt at the Church of No people who swore he would not cave.

50. For those of you who doubted my ability to completely wear someone down and get my way, @matttconp is now on the twitter!

51. Who doubted me, huh? That’s right…@mattTconp has caved! Follow him, and tell him I sent you! (That will really annoy him.)

52. @mattTconp Welcome to the twitter! Told you I always get what I want…

53. @PuriChristos @Helenatrandom @weightwhat I am tired! My post goes up in 2 minutes. I think a couple of buttcracks are still missing-meh.

54. How do I get a celebrity endorsement for my upcoming book: How to leave long, annoying comments on other people’s blogs?

55. Husband: Why were you up so late? Me: I was re-inserting buttcracks into my blog post. Husband: (rolling his eyes at me)

56. Did @candysteele unfollow me? Or is she just ignoring me? I feel like @weightwhat to @billycoffey

57. Sorry, folks! @Helenatrandom loves Jesus, but she drinks a little!

58. @billycoffey What? I just got here! I’ve hardly abused you at all today!

59. Where is @purichristos when I need him? I can’t get the buttcrack key to work in my blog post!

60. @Helenatrandom You are adorably annoying Helen!

61. @Helenatrandom No! Long live the monkey butt!

62. I don’t have a clue what to write about for tomorrow. So, am I taking a day off? No. I’ll post something incredibly stupid.

63. Oh..wait. Different kind of pub. Nevermind…

64. Don’t eat the shelled peanuts they leave out on the bar. They reuse the ones from the night before. #PubTip

65. Wisdom from my mother: “It’s not gossip if it’s true!” (I wish I was joking.)

66. @shrinkingcamel I’m. Eating. Cantelope.

67. @ofmercy Magnificant? Yeah. Okay. If you say so…

68. As long as you have not grasped that you have to die to grow, you are a troubled guest on a dark earth – Mircea Eliade

69. @shrinkingcamel ALSO? I CRACK MYSELF UP!!!

70. @shrinkingcamel I LIKE TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND USE EXCLAMATION POINTS! THIS DENOTES THE IMPORTANCE OF MY WORDS!!!!!!!!!

71. @PeterPollock @Brian_Russell @Helenatrandom Yeah. I don’t know. I’m practicing avoidance in hopes it goes away.

72. @bryanallain I actually have a trash can completely devoted to lint. I offered it to @stacyasmallsfl, so far – no response.

73. @pwilson – Check this out. Matt @ the Church of No People called you HAWT! http://bit.ly/DL3io

74. @br8kthru You’re welcome. How are you doing?

75. @beckfromfrogandtoad Vicious cycle, no?

76. RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: Why am I on Twitter? Because I am writing. And why is writing taking me so long? Because I AM ON TWITTER.

77. Lo Carb ice cream on sale at Kroger, so I bought 20 1/2 gallons. They say love has no pride & apparently, neither do I.

78. Dear Yoville: I got your emails. We’ve just grown apart. It’s not you. It’s me.

79. RT @tsbailey: Sometimes I just get to the point where my socks annoy me with their tightness. Off with you, oppressors of freedom.

80. @buzzbyannies Oh, shut up Annie.

81. But, hey. You know what really fun to do outside here in the summertime? Absolutely nothing.

82. RT @weightwhat: Now that Billy Mays has passed away, I may never buy another product that I have absolutely no use for.

83. @ScottHenson My cousin is a vegan, but she’s got some fine leather shoes. She told me you have to draw the line somewhere. Huh…

84. @chrissulli Also? Do you know why they always have riots at soccer games? Because there’s nothing better to do!

85. @chrissulli OH NO YOU DI-ENT just say that to me!

86. It’s very exciting keeping up with a soccer game via the twitter. Yeah. Not really. Soccer is boring.

87. @PeterPollock Ah, thanks Peter. I do try to encourage my pastor buds when I’m not teasing them mercilessly.

88. @asilannax Sorry. I’m already taken. Also? We’re both women.

89. Huh….@pwilson just unfollowed me. What gives?

90. @pwilson Ooo! What time? What’s the number to call? I have GREAT questions!

91. @MichaelHyatt Yeah. I made a few calls. You’re welcome.

92. @PuriChristos Yes. I saw that. No biggie. I’m all up in inappropriate. Okay. My dog needs to pee. Y’all don’t talk about me while I’m gone.

93. @billycoffey And since when are you a redneck and I’m not? I’m just a fancier redneck.

@billycoffey Oh, says who? That’s a pretty bold statement. I have grudges older than you!

94. @weightwhat I can’t keep up with you. Yes, the garage is finished. 2 cars fit in there. Who knew?

5. @weightwhat twitter ho telepathy – ACTIVATE!

96. @weightwhat but I thought it might be a bit creepy for a 40 something mother of 2 to ask a 16 year old for a picture.

97. @weightwhat Ooo! I was at a wedding today, and I swear, one of the teenager there looked like Edward Cullen. I was going to snap a pic,

98. @authorjjhebert Oh, let’s just go with man-boy.

9. @authorjjhebert Still…A man needs a drill.

100. @authorjjhebert How could possibly not have a drill?

This week, I read a few comments on a couple of blogs suggesting that Twitter is a waste of time. If you make it through all the tweets here, you will find a few tweets and RT’s concerning my friend Jason’s mom, who was rushed to the emergency room. Say what you will, there were an awful lot of prayers going up very quickly for Jason’s mom and her family. That is a very good thing, indeed. Okay – off my soapbox.

So…it occurrs to me those of you not on the twitter may not really “get” these posts. Honestly? I’m okay with that. These posts are primarily for my own amusement. (Hey, sort of like the twitter!) But just cuz I’m a giver, I’m going to post an entire conversation so you can follow along (You’re welcome.) Just to tell you, you need to read it from the bottom to the top, because I’m too lazy to move it all around and whatnot. Enjoy:

Me: @ofmercy Okay…turning off the twitter. Talk amongst yourselves…

Me: RT @billycoffey: @ofmercy I gotta say @katdish has made me who I am as a blogger. Just don’t tell her that.

Billy: @katdish Guess that one will make next Friday’s Twitter post, huh?

Jon:@billycoffey It will be our little secret… (@katdish – no listening in! ya hear!)

Jon: @katdish re: (You’re dead to me, Jon.) I know you don’t give up that easy…

Me: @ofmercy You’re dead to me, Jon.

Jon: @billycoffey Thanks; if I were a betting man re: U vs. @katdish – well, Billy has my vote… HA!

Me: @billycoffey @ofmercy Oh, stop! (Or not…)

Billy: @ofmercy I gotta say @katdish has made me who I am as a blogger. Just don’t tell her that.

Me: @ofmercy and speaking of me, did you know that @billycoffey writes a guest post on my blog every Monday. You should check it out.

Billy: @ofmercy You’re learning quick, Jon!

Me: @ofmercy Now you’re getting with the program!

Jon: @katdish You’re still the best!

Jon: @katdish Soooo forgot… it’s all about you! ;-P

Me: @ofmercy Yes, but enough about @billycoffey ‘s write up, we’re talking about roller hockey.

Billy: @ofmercy Wow, thank you. I really appreciate that!

Jon: @billycoffey I read your blog entry In Praise of Fathers. Outstanding! Thanks for that entry. I was moved… and AMEN!

Billy: @katdish Mmm-hmm. Thought so.

Me: @billycoffey Yeah, well…Okay. I’m not even gonna go there…

Billy: @weightwhat Low blow!

Wendy: @billycoffey – I don’t think so… She might even be wearing a blue shirt with a fancy emblem on it when she does it.

Billy: @weightwhat She would shrink from my manliness.

Wendy: @billycoffey – Bony or ashy, she’ll take you out.

Me: @billycoffey @weightwhat is totally making that up. I do not have bony elbows. They are a bit ashy right now, though…

Wendy: @billycoffey – Watch it! I hear @katdish has really boney elbows. She’ll definitely take you out!

Me: @billycoffey I bet you a dollar that is one sport I could beat you at. I’m a fairly awesome roller skater.

Billy: @katdish I could do me some roller derby.

Billy: @katdish @weightwhat Oh, come on! You two just don’t dig Michelle Pfeiffer. That’s some quality acting

Me: @billycoffey What @weightwhat said…

Billy: @weightwhat Yes, it’s her acting. Sheesh.

Wendy: @billycoffey – Are you sure it’s her acting you’re digging?

Me: @billycoffey @weightwhat Roller derby is also on…

Wendy:@billycoffey – I want you to pick up the remote and change the channel. I’m doing this for your own good. Surely Deadliest Catch must be on.

Wendy:@katdish – I think @billycoffey needs to be saved from himself.

Me: @weightwhat Twitter ho telepathy: ACTIVATE!

Wendy: @billycoffey – No.

Me: @billycoffey No, just you Billy…

Billy: Anyone else actually think that Grease 2 really isn’t that bad?
================================================

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@Brian_Russell How about, “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother?” Works for me.

@MichaelHyatt Feel free to quote me.

@asilannax Oh wait…@tremendousnews is already following you.

@asilannax Oh, man! Bring on the creepy followers after that tweet!

@marni71 Do I need to come up there and crack some skulls? I will, you know.

@Erinbeekeeper I suck at math, but even I can figure that one out.

RT @MarketerMikeE: “You’re boring. That’s why people are ignoring you.”– Seth Godin, marketing guru

The 2 preceding tweets were brought to you by my friend Sherri the smurf and twitter snob.

The extremely creative are usually very unsettled as it overshadows every aspect of life and others around them have no clue. – Sherri

I think the creativity w/in doesn’t really give us a choice. It’s always there & bursts through regardless of how we try to contain it.

If you’re not already, you should follow @asilannax She’s like me only funnier and younger.

@llbarkat You understand French? I’m impressed. It’s all Greek to me.

@marni71 Aw, bummer! You should get a girly pedicure. Works every time.

@Helenatrandom Thanks. Kinda like me – profound yet simple.

@weightwhat Yes, and we’re not even finished yet. Sometimes it sucks being me.

@weightwhat Thanks. I’m gonna need to be an extra low carb monster twitter ho today

@ofmercy I have friends that play instruments, but that doesn’t make me a musician. Just saying…

@br8kthru So glad to hear that. I’ve been praying, but a little worried, if I’m being honest.

Only 2 more hours to question @bryanallain ‘s masculinity!:

Decided to put mousse in my hair and let it air dry. Ann Wilson circa 1980 – Eat your heart out!

@weschicklit Thanks Chicky! One vote for incessant rambling

Serious post tomorrow or incessant rambling?

@katdish Bryan is dangerously close to being Brianne. Id be glad to take him under my wing, kind of like a Big Brother program, if he wants. (via @docawesome)

RT @chrissulli: Shameless self promotion? i learned from the best. http://bit.ly/2vQq1z New blog post

RT @PuriChristos: I use to love Disney but it was never intended to be visited with ur in laws. Much like heaven.

RT @tremendousnews: Oh, you de-greened your avatar? Cool. I guess freedom and hope is so “yesterday” for you.

@DocAwesome Do you think there’s any hope for @bryanallain ? I have my doubts.

I am going to start tweeting Matt’s FB status, so he’s on the twitter whether he likes it or not. (Insert evil laugh here.)

FB RT: Matt Appling can’t believe we have electricity so soon after that microburst snapped our utility poles in half.

@badbanana I was not aware that Ben Franklin ate hot wings or used the word ginormous. Your tweets are so educational!

@mabeswife No, glowing because it’s hotter than…whatever the hottest thing you can think of!
Still cleaning out the garage. I’m glowing, I tell ya! Glowing! (in a dirty, stinky, feel like I’m going to vomit sort of way.)

@bryanallain Oh, you’re so adorably manly when you talk ghetto, Bryan.

@BenArment You’ve probably been reading that pesky bible too much!

Okay, time to go sweat to death….

@annalisa2 You’re incredibly sarcastic. I dig that.

@mabeswife low carb monster, low carb monster, low carb monster & venti cafe americano.

@redclaydiaries The only time it’s not the heat of the day in Houston is at night.

@billycoffey Yes. I’m praying for @bryanallain in hopes that he gets his man card back. Not looking good, though.

@redclaydiaries I am looking forward to cleaning out the garage with my dh. Did that sound at all convincing?

@redclaydiaries I didn’t realize you needed an excuse to drink. Good morning!

Now following @spam. Hope it helps with all the skanky ho follows.

@xjkradicoolx Nah, her mouth is full.

Does ANYONE know where I file a complaint about a follower? Please? @hornygirl559, you are going DOWN! (and not like in your avatar!)

@redclaydiaries Oh, don’t sell yourself short, Steph. You’re plenty lame.

@redclaydiaries “Grocery store sushi is the best?” You really need to get out more, Steph!

This is REALLY starting to piss me off. And you don’t want to do that. Trust me.

Dear Twitter: Do you want to tell me how “Christian, working mom of 3″ has a lovely profile pic when I follow, only to go pornographic?

Does eating sushi lose some of its appeal when it’s purchased at the grocery store and eaten whilst making kids ham sandwiches?

@muchl8r Hey Jake! How’s my favorite cranky ho this morning?

@MarketerMikeE Okay, you know what would be funny? If one of those twitter robots RT’ed your last tweet.

RT @MarketerMikeE: Don’t automate anything. People are looking for something real. Don’t automate anything. People need authenticity.

Matt throws me (and twitter) under the bus. Please go rant incessantly on his blog. http://bit.ly/2gMnPP

We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgment. – Libbie Fudim

@HerbieGookins Thanks, Beth. I didn’t need that.

@buzzbyannies Twitter potty mouth!

@buzzbyannies You are such a mean mom. You inspire me!

Good Morning, @HerbieGookins , wherever you are!

@CandySteele Please forgive all the typos in your comments section. Apparently, my “f” key is sticking.

RT @br8kthru Thanks for the prayers Mom is doing much better. We had to MedEvac to Anchorage she’s waiting on further tests. Thanks so much

Please welcome @Kenzi_Wilson , @buzzbyannies daughter to the Twitter! Now, when is Boz getting an account?

Has anyone heard from @br8kthru since yesterday?

Try that again: Matt @ The Church of No People is giving me grief about the twitter. Please go set him straight. http://bit.ly/2gMnPP

@buzzbyannies This could get ugly…

Well, I’ve had just about all the excitement I can stand for one day. Gotta go. Night!

RT @bryanallain: Want 250 brand new followers every day??? Take some Lunesta and dream about it, because it’s the only way it’s happening.

Dear Icky Followers: Please direct your friends to @weightwhat.

@weightwhat You know, if you were really committed to being an icky follower, you would spell out PCB.

@redclaydiaries You mean like monkey butts?

@redclaydiaries Yeah, get off the twitter, woman! (TWSS)

RT @tremendousnews: Twitter is over capacity! Nobody cares what level you’re at in Spymaster.

@tylerstanton There are a host of reasons you could be considered a slacker. Watching the open is just one.

Going for a swim with my daughter again. I gotta get me one of these fancy cement ponds at my house!

And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. – Victor Hugo

Have courage for the great sorrows of life & patience for the small ones;

@Helenatrandom Even if you did copy katdish, it would be completely Helen. Which is why you are awesome.

RT @jewdacris4: i like salad (An economy for words)

@br8kthru Praying, Jason. Hang in there.

RT @br8kthru: My mom is going to the emergency room right now- don’t know exactly what’s going on. Would appreciate your prayers- thanks

@JeanneDamoff Um, yeah. I think that little chat the other night will make the twitter update.

@marni71 I’m sure it’s just a rash. Good morning!

@ofmercy Good morning Jon. I have forgiven you. I know you were holding your breath…

Is anyone else have trouble with the twitter this morning? (TWSS)

Hallloooo Twitter! I’ve missed you so!

Going to hear Vince Antonucci preach at Gateway in Austin this morning. How awesome is that?

Happy Father’s Day! Whose your daddy?

@PeterPollock Tell ya what. (I’m ignoring you, @billycoffey) If it’s up by midnight standard time, I’ll link it. If not, I’ll add it later.

@PeterPollock When are you gonna be done? I’ll link it tomorrow, cuz that’s what I’m doing tomorrow.

@billycoffey I meant besides Billy Coffey

@redclaydiaries You should probably pretend you don’t know me…

@redclaydiaries Yeah. Thanks. I’m sure publishing houses will be busting my doors down any day now.

@redclaydiaries Thanks, Steph. You’re no help at all, as usual.

Anyone write a really good Father’s Day post?

Sitting out by the pool with two very good manuscripts enjoying watching my daughter swim.

@buzzbyannies Look. I gotta go with my Asian roots on this one. Jet kicks butt! Yes, Chuck is from Texas, but still.

Bessie Higginbottom is one of my life coaches. Don’t judge me…

@Mels_World Are you kidding me? Half the population of suburbia is at Home Depot on Saturday morning. It’s the law.

@billycoffey Ah, yes. The preservation of your man card. We all have our crosses to bear…

@asilannax There’s no shame in knowing sappy song lyrics from the 70′s!

@asilannax I don’t know when. But we’ll get together then, son. You know we’ll have a good time then!

@asilannax and the cat’s in the cradle with a silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon, when you coming home dad?

Big, huge news! My geeky church planter friend Beth, who goes by the name @HerbieGookins (?), finally caved and is on the twitter. We’re all very excited! Helen has found her twitter ho gift in hash tagging #nicerfilmtitles, and people are turning their avatars green to support Iran whist @tremendousnews makes fun of them. I also made a lame attempt to tweet haikus, which was a miserable failure. Sorry. I know this is really long, just stop reading when your eyes start to bleed:

Beginning with favorite tweets submitted by a few of my twitter pals:

From my geeky church planter Beth on her way to Twitter Ho-dom:
1. Side by side laptops on the couch. Are we geeky or what?
2. Time to say hello to the sun while it’s still here. Herbie Gookins out, yo.
3. @marni71 Thanks. Did I just do that right? And who doesn’t enjoy typing “HerbieGookins”?
4. I see how it is. My Mom and Katdish tweeting about me behind my back. You are both so busted. Once I figure this blessed thing out…grrr
5. I have no idea what I’m doing. Obviously.
6. New to twitter. Learning, learning.

From Jason:
br8kthru: I can’t convince someone that something is worthwhile & valuable. All I can do is share my experience & lead by example.

br8kthru: Bed is calling me. It keeps calling me Beatrice, which is weird but I’m going anyway. Goodnight!

@katdish there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus- sadly, I must condemn you ’cause laughing cow is nasty.

From @weightwhat (Wendy):
No brothers in my family. We called boy parts “What the heck is that thing?!”

@katdish – I follow people who I find to be intellectually stimulating, people who can challenge my thinking and cause me to grow. And you.

RT @katdish @CandySteele I refuse to emote! I won’t do it, I tell ya! I won’t! ) (*snort*)

@katdish – And now I’ll throw my head back and laugh maniacally! Muahahaha!

@katdish – It’s Beach Blogger Billy! Man, I hope they come out with the action figure soon.

From @marni71: (who misunderstood my question, obviously and sent me other people’s tweets)

WE GOT BETH TO CAVE? Is there no end to our powers? Look out Matt, you’re next…muahahahahah

I need WD-40. My office chair is making some icky noises…and I don’t want others to think it’s me

@Jess_Hays I AM the po po ho, fool!

From @helenatrandom:
@buzzbyannies You know, like “satan”. cubs = satan….

@buzzbyannies I am not actually giving cubs the middle finger. Just the middle finger of grammar: not capitalizing their name!

Place Mamma Away from the Rear of the Train Gently Onto the Tracks #nicerfilmtitles

*Note: @jewdacris4 either sent me some and I lost them, or we talked about him sending me some and it never happened…I forget. It’s really late. So send them to me and I’ll add them, dude.

And now for my incessant ramblings. Again…sorry. Feel free to quit reading and run screaming from your computer.

1. RT @br8kthru: I love puns & love this: Next time you’re asked, “Paper or Plastic?” justsay, “Doesn’t matter to me. I’m bi-sacksual.”
2. Okay, seriously. I may have to devote my entire twitter update to @herbiegookins getting on the twitter!
3. RT @HerbieGookins: I have no idea what I’m doing. Obviously. YAY!
4. @herbiegookins – Get on the twitter so we can talk to you! Facebook is dead!
5. @Helenatrandom No. You have to use reverse psychology on her. Tell her not to. She’s fairly stubborn that @herbiegookins
6. @marni71 We are strong. We are invincible. We are twitter hos.
7. LET THE HEAVENS AND EARTH DECLARE: BETH HAS CAVED! FOLLOW HER! @herbiegookins
8. RT @marni71: @Helenatrandom Yeah, I couldn’t think of anything that rhymed with pretentious..ooh wait, this just in…contentious.
9. @Helenatrandom I’ve had over 100 FB inbox items before. My strategy? Ignore them.
10. Stomach is bothering me this morning. Probably should have passed up the pork tar-tar last night…
11. @PuriChristos You cain’t quit us Nick! You wish you could, but you cain’t!
12. Non-creepy followers! Please follow @marni71 She is wicked awesome funny, & if you don’t I’m not so sure we can be friends anymore.
13. @JennCallingHome Thanks! I checked out your blog & decided to refollow, despite your creepy brown avatar…
14. @Brian_Russell Well, forget it. You can’t make me drink the Microsoft Kool-Aid!
15. RT @badbanana: Another hot, humid day ahead. Once again, I bet I’ll be the only one at work smart enough to wear a beer hat.
16. RT @CandySteele: Pants are pinned shut and I’m wearing my husband’s socks. GQ cover material or pink fuzzy man card material?
17. @buzzbyannies Have a great day! I’ll be especially lazy and unmotivated in your absence.
18. @shrinkingcamel Okay, what is Bing? (besides Crosby and cherry).
19. @Helenatrandom It looks to me as you’re saying, “How-dee-do, cubbies! You just got pwoned!”
20. @xjkradicoolx Good luck with not being a grumpy ho today, of course!
21. @buzzbyannies @CandySteele What is this? Farmer Thursday on the twitter?
22. RT @tylerstanton: Never has an iPhone upgrade made me feel more average. Thanks 3.0!
23. @buzzbyannies Because it’s the home of the armadillo, with the friendliest people & the prettiest women you’ve ever seen.
24. @speaktruthtoyou I spell it “kewl”. And you’re not the boss of me!
25. @prodigaljohn The sad part about the whole “bring my cardboard breakdance mat” statement is that you probably actually have one.
26. I support the whole green avatar thing, but seriously – I would look like broom hilda if I did that. Yeah, I’m vain like that…
27. @CandySteele I yam what I yam. At least I don’t pretend I’m humble. That’s incredibly annoying
28. FB RT: Jeremy Peterson if you haven’t tried tweetdeck for the iphone, check it out! (Kool Aid! He drank the kool aid!)
29. @prodigaljohn It takes a man secure in his masculinity to openly admit that on the twitter.
30. @Brian_Russell Katdish coffee mugs.
31. @alliebaldwin You really like shopping at the walmarts don’t you?
32. @chrissulli Wow. Who knew anyone listened to me?
33. One of the disadvantages of living in a warm climate is that I do not own a snow shovel, which makes cleaning my daughter’s room difficult.
34. @LevelTen_Colin Oh my goodness! I totally do all of those. I must be some kind of bloggy prodigy or something.
35. @jerdavcpa Ah, yes…Math – my arch nemesis!
36. RT @badbanana: Nearly 60% won’t graduate from one Chicago school. But that still means 80% will, so stop picking on public schools.
37. RT @Helenatrandom: Too bad @PuriChristos is busy…he’d love this one…. Dial M for Monkeybutt #nicerfilmtitles
38. RT @tremendousnews: #nicerfilmtitles The Devil Wears Moderately-Priced Shoes Bought From The Outlet Off I-35.
39. RT @tremendousnews: #nicerfilmtitles Meet Joe African-American
40. @chrissulli Well, SNAP OUT OF IT! All better?
41. @Helenatrandom @marni71 “pickle” just saying…
42. RT @weightwhat: @Helenatrandom said “boy parts”… heh heh
43. @Helenatrandom I think you’ve found your special purpose in life!
44. RT @Helenatrandom: Place Mamma Away from the Rear of the Train Gently Onto the Tracks #nicerfilmtitles
45. Intellectually stimulating group of twitter friends this morning! @helenatrandom, @weightwhat, @marni71, @br8kthru, @redclaydiaries
46. @Helenatrandom Twitter Ho Fire, Baby!
47. RT @Helenatrandom: Good Will Catch and Release #nicerfilmtitles
48. @marni71 I need to make sure I put that on my Friday update so Sharkbait the twitter snob can blush.
49. RT @Helenatrandom: My Big Pleasantly Plump Greek Wedding #nicerfilmtitles
50. Wonderful Wacky Wednesday!: @redclaydiaries and her obscene amount of laundry baskets.
51. RT @buzzbyannies: @katdish You’re like the pied piper of ho’s on twitter. Creepy. (Aw, thanks Annie. Love you too!)
52. RT @tremendousnews: #nicerfilmtitles The Gently-Sobbing Game: Because She’s Not Really A Dude In This One, Just Really High Maintenance.
53. Good Morning! My entire Replies Column is full of Wacky Wednesday shout outs. Thank you, and I’m sorry!
54. @billycoffey You haven’t been published because you never had proper nasty pimp representation until now.
55. Yeah, @tremendousnews ! Why you gotta be hating on @xjkradicoolx grampa like that?
56. @loswhit Hey, Los. Will you follow me so I can pretend your @CHRIS_Daughtry? Thanks.
57. @CandySteele You’re so lawsome!
58. Okay, I’ll stop. No restraining orders, please.
59. You know what? I think @CHRIS_Daughtry is just playing hard to get. He digs me. I know he does.
60. I can’t help myself. I swear I will RT anything @tremendousnews says.
61. RT @tremendousnews: Out of the box thinking: A Tiny URL that shrinks Tiny URLs. Angel investors? DM me
62. @bloggerservice thank you. did you miss the “I won’t pay you but I will owe you a solid part”?
63. @kizabrat that would explain the strange following after an excessive amount of monkey butt tweets.
64. RT @asilannax: That excessively white kid driving down White Blvd blaring Kanye West? I’m sorry.
65. AHEM! Would anyone like to redesign my blog? I won’t pay you, but I would owe you a solid.
66. @billycoffey Hush. You’re interrupting my mojo.
67. @weightwhat @Helenatrandom That’s okay. I see how you are…
68. @CandySteele @redclaydiaries Are you people seriously talking about salad? Sheesh!
69. @PuriChristos That comment was freaking AWESOME!
70. @weightwhat You did NOT just add a smiley face to the end of my tweet! ARGH!
71. @CandySteele I refuse to emote! I won’t do it, I tell ya! I won’t!
72. @PeterPollock Yes, well my point is, I sort of like people to read my blog. I know, it’s an ego thing…
73. RT @tylerstanton: Our new phone books just arrived. I’ve never been less excited about anything.
74. @CandySteele So sad. I am so very sad @CHRIS_Daughtry refuses to follow me. (I’m tempted to use an emoticon here, but I have my pride)
75. @CandySteele Oh, that hurt! Why won’t @CHRIS_Daughtry follow me? I’m so sad…(I’m going for pathetic, pulling out all the stops.)
76. @tremendousnews Check you link, there’s nothing there. (that’s what she said)
77. @PeterPollock Hmm…sounds interesting. I’m not sure how many of my readers actually read books, though…
78. @myapronstrings Thanks. That was not at all helpful.
79. Just checked facebook account. I have 40 items in my in box. Will continue to practice avoidance.
80. @PeterPollock Do you get free books? People need to send me free books. I would totally owe them a solid!
81. FB RT: Jeremy Peterson is ready for iphone 3.0 software to release tomorrow. (He’s drank the kool-aid folks!)
82. This just in: @CHRIS_Daughtry is still not following me on twitter.
83. Okay Twitter – gotta go be someone’s worst nightmare at the pedicure place!
84. @SUPERkevo Dude, your tweets are short yet explanatory. Yeah, I’ll follow…
85. @PeterPollock Kidding, of course…
86. @PeterPollock Excessive use of exclamation points. Unfollow.
87. @br8kthru But did you have to count with your fingers? I totally have to do that.
88. @mabeswife I know, it’s craptastic huh?
89. Have you noticed yet/My tweets are in haiku form/They’re sucktacular!
90. @br8kthru Okay, how’s this: I ate chex mix and laughing cow cheese for breakfast.
91. RT @stretchmarkmama: If I could just find a way to route the coffee pot through the shower head, I might actually ENJOY this morning.
92. @Helenatrandom What doesn’t remind you of a joke, Helen?
93. RT @KevinMartineau: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
94. @Flauxers That’s why I never travel anywhere by donkey.
95. Dear New York Times: What were you thinking?!? http://bit.ly/19j0xY
96. Yeah…I went there.
97. @AuthorTech Who decides who is relevant and who is not? That makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
98. @marni71 Yeah, so my daughter sings: We are honky, honky for you. Which in the case of our church, was highly appropriate.
99. @marni71 Do you know the song “Fuel”? We are yearning, we are burning, were hungry, hungry for you?
100. Red Clay Diaries/Why you be hatin’ on me?/It’s still early yet.
101. @redclaydiaries Look, I’m working on it. It’s hard to type and count on your fingers at the same time.
102. A very special song dedication for @pwilson boys. Crank it up! (Jump, Jump by Kris Kross)
103. @pwilson Don’t mention it…
104. Dear @pwilson boys: JUMP, JUMP, JUMP on the bed! Daddy loves that!
105. Responses will not/be in haiku form because/I am not that bright
106. Goodnight dear twitter/It’s time to hit the pillow/more haiku tweets soon/
107. @PeterPollock You were not the first commenter. Sucks for you…11:22 PM Jun 15th from TweetDeck in reply to PeterPollock
108. @jescalan Um, yeah. I’ve got my money on annoying. But thanks.
109. I think I’m going to try to tweet everything in haiku form. That should be incredibly annoying.
110. Can everyone just tweet for the pure sake of being random and annoying? It’s a liberating experience – Promise!
111. I’ve always wanted to say that on the twitter…
112. @ofmercy Night, Jon boy!
113. Should I be offended that my guest blogger gets more traffic on my blog than I do?
114. @ofmercy Aw, shucks! No I’m not! Okay…I totally am!
115. @ofmercy Well if I’m not least, then why did you mention me last? Hmh!
116. @bryanallain I am judging you. Are you kidding me?
117. @buzzbyannies I always speak from experience, unless I’m making it up.
118. @rachaelmphillip Your daughter still stubbornly refuses to get a twitter account, btw.
119. @rachaelmphillip Oooo! Beth’s mom read my blog! Thanks!
120. @buzzbyannies You can be a twitter ho from anywhere
121. @marklamberti Ah yes. Nothing would make me happier than seeing 2 past their prime fake tanned wrestlers displaying their man boobs.
122. @marklamberti No, no, no! You need to ask me questions about stuff I give a rat’s patooty about!
123. @billycoffey Awww! You’re cyberstalking me from the beach? How sweet!
124. @PeterPollock @CandySteele Thanks for the RTs. Hope that dude appreciates his nasty pimp working while he’s at the beach!
125. @jerdavcpa If I want to eat bad pizza and be annoyed by children, I can do that from the comfort of my own home
126. @lynnmosher Yeah, I’m waiting for him to figure out his writing is too good for my blog (shh…don’t tell him).
127. @lynnmosher No. God is merciful. There’s only one of me.
128. @lynnmosher @thewritermama What you need is a non writer friend who is a shameless self promoter. (Sorry, I’m taken)
129. @oliveshoot I lost my dignity a long, long time ago.
130. Playing go-fish w/my 7-yo daughter. She just told me “You’re about to say Crap.” I really need to edit myself more
131. @ryanmer I don’t know who’s worse. You for writing stuff like that, or me for reading it. Oh, most likely you…
132. @nickcarnes Yeah, those tokens are minted in the fiery furnaces of hell.
133. @nickcarnes I despise Chuck E. Cheese!
134. @mylestones Please disregard the tweet about me nasty feet
135. @mylestones @CandySteele I don’t want to say my feet are bad, but the last time I had a pedicure, they canceled the rest of their app.
136. @buzzbyannies @CandySteele Dear Fully Staffed Private Island and Private Jet Service to said private island: My friends & I need a vacation
137. @MichaelHyatt Having a pedicure might put your man card in question.
138. @blogomomma You live such a dangerous life! Al this talk of newspapers and coupons makes my life seem boring.
139. ATTENTION: I need someone to send me a free Kindle. If I like it, I will feature you on my blog, read by tens of people every day.
140. @authorjjhebert Well, then. Good for @rachellegarnder and good for the earth. Man, I gotta get me a kindle!
141. @authorjjhebert way to suck up to the literary agent! (kidding!) (sort of)

Really…Again. So sorry. I’m not even going to tell you how many I had for the week. You don’t want to know, and I don’t want to tell you…

I promise not to make the intro too long here, because your eyeballs will probably pop out of your head before you read all these tweets. But just a few of things:

First, a very heartfelt goodbye to @oneluckypuppy who finally made it to the bridge this week. He was a good dog and fine companion to my friend Candy (@candysteele) and her family.

Second, a very big THANK YOU to my twitter and bloggy friend Leslie (@oliveshoot) for my new fantabulous twitter button. She is an amazingly creative lady. You should visit here site – very kewl.

Third, guess how tweets are listed below. Give up? 100. Guess how many I had total. Give up? Um, yes that would be three hundred and forty-seven. That is lawsome! (lame + awesome = lawsome.)

Without further adieu, the best of me on twitter:

• @givingupperfect Turn off twitter completely? Shut your mouth!
• @jerdavcpa Oh Man! How suck would that be?
• Would someone please tell Vince Antonucci to get a twitter account? He’d be all up in this.
• @tremendousnews And of course, you could never say anything bad about me. Seeing as though you pink fuzzy heart me and all.
• @PuriChristos FARMER BLOW, BABY! FARMER BLOW!
• @tremendousnews When are you going to roast me? Oh, wait – I need to be famous, & I suppose you would need something bad to say about me.
• @bryanallain What about when you tuck your shirt into your underwear? That’s pretty classy.
• @billycoffey “finally saw the light”? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Oh, wait. I get it. Good analogy.
• Irony: You make fun of internet millionaires only to have them follow you
• @ofmercy I dunno, Mercury is pretty small right? I’ve slept through worse. Course, that’s when I drank alot…
• So, what exactly is a “internet millionaire”? Are you only rich online? Sort of like Yoville on Facebook?
• @buzzbyannies You’re such a hick.
• Oooo! Look at @billycoffey being a redneck twitter ho! He’s a quick study!
• @billycoffey Shut up, Billy. I know you missed my sage wisdom and wonderfullness.
• Which reminds me of a funny misheard song lyric by Elton John: “Hold me closer Tony Danza”
• @Helenatrandom Thanks for shamelessly promoting my blog in my absence.
• @PuriChristos No, dang it! Hardly any redneck drunks at all! I guess Wednesday’s not a big day for that. That boat is sa-weet, though.
• @CandySteele Oh, man! The bag phone? Didn’t they use that in ancient Greece?
• @PeterPollock, @tremendousnews Ahhh….the brick phone. I remember it well!
• @PeterPollock Hey, guess what I bought at the Walmarts? Hot dogs.
• @marni71 Oh, yes. And let’s not forget the fantastic jean shorts cut offs cut with a deer knife! Fabulous!
• Cool game: If you have a blogger account, click on “next blog” and leave a completely random comment on your neighbor’s blog
• Go ahead, ask me anything. I might even tell you the truth
• @godhasablog Oh, and I gave you credit twice, cuz I’m reverent like that…
• @godhasablog @godhasablog @Helenatrandom I always give credit to Helen. She one of my favorite people in the world!
• @shrinkingcamel Who said anything about CEO’s being human?
• LET THE HEAVENS AND EARTH DECLARE! @godhasablog has announced the winner: AWESOME CAT!
• godhasablog Would you please tell @becks_beer to put his face back on his avatar? He won’t listen to me!
• @redclaydiaries Yes. I am shameless. What’s your point?
• Hey everyone! Send @godhasablog and vote for Awesome Cat. If you don’t, you’re dead to me!
• This just in: @CHRIS_Daughtry still not following me on twitter. @godhasablog – can you help a sister out?
• @godhasablog Aw, come on! Can’t you spot me one eternal damnation?
  @BigBags You are so going to hell.
• @redclaydiaries I don’t want to go against the will of @godhasablog, but Steph – It’s AWESOME CAT!
• @godhasablog Oh, wait! I change my vote to Awesome Cat, like @helenatrandom!
• @redclaydiaries Oh shut up! @godhasablog said superb creation, not “what the hell was I thinking?”
• @godhasablog the platypus.
• @davidgs Well, good to know. I was worried that you were in an unfortunate hunting accident with Dick Cheny.
• @chrissulli You report to me? That’s just disturbing on so many levels.
• Thanks for all the new follows today, even though I have no idea why any of you people follow me…
• @davidgs Hey!! Where ya been?
• @authorjjhebert I’m a nasty pimp. @billycoffey is my star writing ho, but I’m trying to get a few others in the stable.
• @redclaydiaries Okay, I’ve been away. Did someone poop in the pool?
• @mabeswife Oh, who said anything about a decent post? I just have to write a little. I have guest bloggers do the heavy lifiting.
• @chrissulli Oh, okay…And I’m the one who’s supposed to lay off of @loswhit ?
• @OneLuckyPuppy Love you! Run and play!
• @muchl8r I’m bloody excellent. Thanks for asking.
• @buzzbyannies Don’t be showing your skinny butt crack at me! ( )
• @buzzbyannies I don’t know what that’s like, but I know what it’s like to pretend to be independently wealthy. It’s da bomb!
• @loswhit Not that I’ve ever done this myself, but I’ve heard Gold Schlagger works wonders on the pipes. (AHEM!)
• @Becks_Beer If the bottle is winning, there are some sad, sad people out there! Come on face! (that’s what she said)
• @glennhilton I actually carry a foam middle finger. Much more celebratory.
• @itsajohnson Thanks. Now I can sleep tonight. Oh, who am I kidding? I couldn’t care less. But thanks.
• Dang it! @CHRIS_Daughtry still not following me! He must not know who I am…
• Did the Lakers win? Is basketball over with? I have no clue.
• @Bunnieblog Facebook is annoying, no?
• @xjkradicoolx I’m considering getting twitter on my blackberry, but then I would never speak to anyone in the real world.
• I freaking love Twitter!
• @LevelTen_Colin Of course, moonshine is also a good choice, but you gotta know people.
• @LevelTen_Colin I think a good box wine goes well with BBQ.
• @redclaydiaries Look, Steph, I don’t need to hearing about your sexual exploits on the twitter. That’s why I blocked Nasty Brittney!
• @redclaydiaries GETCHERFREAKON!
• @redclaydiaries would he like me to send him a “best of the ho” update?
• @redclaydiaries Yeah. Quite an honor, huh? And yet your husband still refuses to follow me on Twitter!
• @PeterPollock Dude, you’ve been reading my blog way too much!
• You know what? I’m gonna copy @billycoffey and have an open question post. Of course, I reserve the right to lie.
• @CandySteele Shut up. It could happen. I voted for him and boycotted the show after he was voted off.
• Annndddd….still waiting.
• Anxiously awaiting follow by @CHRIS_Daughtry…….
• @CHRIS_Daughtry I notice you are only following 24 people. You should follow me, make it an even 25.
• @PuriChristos Clearly. Also? I use the word “that” alot.
• With twitter being down for maint the other night, I thought I wouldn’t have any material for Friday. Cleary, I was wrong.
• It’s a good thing you people can’t see my DM’s. You might be shocked and appauled. What’s that? You already are?
• @redclaydiaries What about a headcheese sandwich. (oops, just threw up in my mouth)
• @redclaydiaries Yes. A ham sandwich. Also? More cookie dough.
• @redclaydiaries Do you know what’s good with cookie dough?
• @redclaydiaries Thanks for sharing your conversation with Charlie and 3,000 of your closest friends
• @PeterPollock Congrats on being my first commenter. Apparently that’s kind of a big deal. Why? No clue.
• I am tragically lazy, but I do love Jesus: http://bit.ly/XFinD
• I am only slightly offended that “Annie K boobs” was a close second to “Katdish” in my keyword searches.
• @ALauderdale Hint – In your radio interview, do not say “LOL”.
• @jamieworley Whew! I gotta check Google Analytics more often! That was funny!
• Okay, one more. I got some blog fodder right here: butt crack basketball game! AWESOME!
• Wait…there’s more: look there goes a chicken, how much do plates forks and spoons cost at walmart?, Annie K boobs
• Keyword searches that lead people to my blog: boob smileys, furry guitars, rock the grannie panties, that is one bad buffet.
• @chrissulli Dude! You’re at Yankee Stadium? @billycoffey would be so jealous! Don’t forget my autograph!
• @glennhilton I’ll follow just about anyone. I have incredibly low standards.
• @weightwhat All you need is a lighter and some Aquanet
• @muchl8r Keep digging that hole, Jake!
• Oh for the love of Gumby! Is a uterus required in order to put leftovers into tupperware instead of directly in the fridge?
• @weightwhat No. Facebook is dead to me. I’m doing bloggy bidness.
• @CandySteele “Look, if you don’t give me a quarter for this, I’m giving it to charity. Now get out of my face!”
• @CandySteele Here’s what I hate about garage sales – You mark something 25 cents, they want to give you a dime. (cont.)
• @weightwhat You are TWITTER HO FIRE this morning!
• I’m shameless, I know.
• Hey, read my blog!: http://bit.ly/1SMqpp
• @weightwhat Yes. A duct taped crown adorned with sarcasm. Me likey.
• @bryanallain Also, do you know what’s good with cheezits? A ham sandwich.
• @weightwhat we have that magical twitter ho telepathy going on.
• @pwilson I hear they’re having a special on roof monkeys. Might want to look into that
• @mabeswife Shut up about the housework and the pancake making! I just told my son to eat a cookie for breakfast!
• @xjkradicoolx I know, sometimes it sucks being me. Oh, who am I kidding? It rocks being me!

Well here we are again, people! It’s Friday, so it must be time for the long awaited Twitter update. Now, you high brow people can pretend to look down your nose at me, but I happen to know that Friday is one of my biggest traffic days. So, either you enjoy judging me or you enjoy my updates. Either way, I’m cool with that. This is purely for my own enjoyment. As always, backward order, most recent first. As always, I am THAT lazy.

AHEM! The best of me on Twitter:

And by “majestic birds of prey”, I mean buzzards eating what might be my neighbor’s cat.

Working on tomorrow’s post featuring majestic birds of prey.

@docmarkelliott “passive income on twitter”? What about passive-aggressive income? My mom would be all up in that!

Whaa, huh? I have over 300 followers? You people have horribly low standards.

@mabeswife What is Earth 2100? I’m not a geek. I just seem to attract them.

Okay, really leaving now.

Must…..leave…..house….and finish work!

Could the end times be near? Me thinks, yes.

Katdish featured on High Calling Blogs: http://bit.ly/gWUJc

@PuriChristos “Weird” is a relative term, no?

@llbarkat Yes, well. It’ good to have goals. (Or so I’ve been told)

@br8kthru Now, Jason…I couldn’t have a twitter update w/o you in there somewhere!

@shrinkingcamel Oh, thank you Bradley. I’m completely undeserving, but I’ll take it.

@goodwordediting Ooooo! Are you kidding me? I really AM pseudo famous! YAY!

RT @badbanana: To me, the glass is half full. Yes, of doom and despair, but still.

Thinking of a blog post tomorrow. Gonna be short and sweet. I have buzzard pictures.

I know it’s not Friday, but follow this chick. She is stinking hilarious!: @asilannax

RT @asilannax: Verbal irony: it’s a diplomatic way of using the word “sarcastic”

@pwilson Are we having hair issues this morning, Pete?

@blogomomma Er, yeah…Great voice. That too.

@blogomomma and thanks for the heads up on dirty rocker Chris Daughtry! My first celebrity follow. I luv me some Chris Daughtry!

@blogomomma Oh yes. Tres ghettofabulous!

@pwilson Seriously, dude. How do you stay so thin? You’re ALWAYS eating!

@blogomomma You are so ghetto for a white woman.

@Helenatrandom Ewh, ewh, EWH!

@buzzbyannies Don’t hate me because I’m irresponsible and lazy. There’s so much more to hate me for.

Follow my friend @muchl8r. He’s my favorite cranky ho.

What the heck? How did I get so many followers so quickly? I’m sure I’ll cause someone to unfollow. The day is young!

@PeterPollock I did not mention Osteen to bring in more followers, but it did. Let me repeat: NOT A FAN!

And now I really need to get off the twitter (that’s what she said) Goodnight!

Dear New Followers: Thanks for the follow, really. But I think you need to know, I am NOT a fan of Joel Osteen. Not. At. All.

@xjkradicoolx No, I’m not @billycoffey. He’s a real live Virginia redneck that happens to be an excellent writer

Okay, goodnight twitter! Gotta get a few hours shut eye so I can enrich all your lives tomorrow!

Okay, swear – last time I shamelessly self promote myself (until tomorrow) http://bit.ly/Z7p6b

@CandySteele No! Twitter stole your twitter button! Farging Bastitches!

@ofmercy It’s not ironic. I happen to have been awarded an honorary man card. Therefore, I can go there.

@chrissulli Ooooo! “To Katdish – you complete me. Love, Dr. Keller” (or something like that.)

So, you think you’re a man, huh? Check THIS out: http://bit.ly/J9SYE

@Helenatrandom I’m here, but only long enough to shamelessly self promote my blog. Then I gotta go to Target.

@Brian_Russell You should get that cookbook 101 Ways to Wok a Dog.

@CandySteele No. Stupid, stupid twitter buttons!

@muchl8r Well eat something already!

@chrissulli I know, right? You’re working on that autograph from Dr. Keller for me aren’t you?

@br8kthru as if your dork card was ever in question, Jason!

RT @tremendousnews: Don’t worry. I’ll never unfollow you. Not because I find your tweets valuable, more because of devastating laziness

@jewdacris4 Please clarify. You hate Mondays, or you hate all of us, or both?

RT @muchl8r: For the record, i am NOT the rain cloud that makes mean little animals. Get off it!
RT @jasonboyett: if at first you don’t succeed, maybe you shouldn’t be a tattoo artist.

@allofcraigslist I stand corrected.

@pwilson – for the record, that post was written by @billycoffey, not me. Although I am freakishly strong for a girl.

Go buy this book: http://jumboshrimpbook.wordpress.com/

@redclaydiaries I am simply attempting to enrich lives thru the power of social media. Also, I’m a twitter ho

@CandySteele @redclaydiaries I’ve got more half written posts than you’ve had hot meals.

@bryanallain I hope you include teenagers mauled by bears. One of my personal faves.

RT @TimMoore: Reminder – Twitter isn’t Craigslist. (Um, yeah – exactly)

@redclaydiaries I’m not manic. I just have my low carb monster groove on!

@CandySteele @redclaydiaries You’re both slackers, and good morning Steph!

@weightwhat because you’re a twitter ho. Good morning ho!

@tremendousnews Based upon the number of new followers, your dinner has been upgraded to Hobbit Cafe from Whataburger.

Alright. Gotta go do some mindless painting. Another day another…oh I forget how much I’m charging for this job.

@tremendousnews and for whatever it’s worth, I mostly only RT your tweets. Consider yourself special.

@tremendousnews thanks. I big red monkey butt heart you!

RT @tremendousnews: Follow @katdish. She RTs pretty much anything. How much you wanna bet she’ll RT this as well?

@pwilson If the cops break up your golf game, you might be a redneck.

@candysteele, @helenatrandom, @redclaydiaries, @weightwhat, et. al. – What’s up? I am trying to stay off the twitter – need intervention

Going to the mall. Not looking forward to it. Friday night = mall gangstas

So I’m getting all the friend requests on facebook from people that think I’m really nice. Time to wrap that account up.

@JC_the_saviour Also, I would never make fun of you. This was a Jesus Cheeto. Very different. Have you seen the Jesus frying pan?

@JC_the_saviour Whoa. You’re a little shorter than what I had imagined.

@PuriChristos Spellbinding, no?

Are you writing this stuff down people?

So, I bought some Jalapeno Flavored Cheetos today. Question: If I found a Jesus Cheeto, would I pronounce it “Hay-Zoose”? Curious…

Have you seen the Jesus Cheeto?: http://bit.ly/gwZg9

@oliveshoot Just pretend you’re famous. You know, be really rude to waitstaff and be drunk in public. Trust me, you’re golden!

@oliveshoot Well, since I am following you and you are following me, we are both SUPER COOL.

Off to carpool! Katdish – blogger, mother, wife and ROCKSTAR!

@br8kthru See, I have to try really hard not to think funny things, even in the most inappropriate circumstances. That’s how I roll.

@peaseplan Dude – “flippy floppies”? Unfollow!

Bonus Round Responses from some of my favorite Twitter Buddies:

@marni71: @katdish I wake each day and say that to the mirror…it does suck to not be you

@purichristos: @katdish So they give me my account back and you just go on about Jesus Cheeto?

@weightwhat: @katdish – What twitter buttons? I feel my twitter ho senses tingling…

@CandySteele: @katdish can’t you just autopromote since you do it a dozen times a day? twss

@redclaydiaries: @katdish Katdish is a twitter ho. -Stephanie Wetzel

@helenatrandom: @br8kthru katdish wants us to tweet funny stuff to include in her twitter post tomorrow. I am nothing if not delightfully helpful. And odd.

@br8kthru: @katdish how about a slight chuckle? Would that count?

@peterpollock: @katdish @redclaydiaries The shiny vampire thing sounds much more marketable

@shrinkingcamel: @katdish Course we missed you. Life on Tweet is not the same.

@billycoffey: @katdish Oh, wait. Deadliest Catch marathon. There goes the rest of my day…

@muchl8r: @katdish I’m not sure how the crap you do it. I’m still at like. . .30 or something?

I have a bunch more twitter buddies, but this is getting seriously, epically long. So I’ll catch up with those guys nex time!

And stop following me all you prosperity gospel types. I find you incredibly annoying. (In love, of course. Always in Christian love.)

Okay people, there are a whole lotta tweets here. Again they are in backwards order. Yeah, yeah. I’m lazy. I’m so lazy I have guest bloggers so I can spend more quality time with my family and on twitter. (Kidding.) (Sort of). Feel free to stop reading when your eyes begin to glaze over. Dang. I really need to get out more…

And now from your favorite twitter ho and her friends:

I just googled myself (that’s what she said). I am officially OVEREXPOSED!

But seriously, how does one type that out?

#trueconfession Even though I type “snort” on twitter, I really often laugh like Muttley the Dog.

@br8kthru Okay. I ranted incessantly and feel much better now. Thanks.

@br8kthru Hey Jason – What are 5 more things you just don’t get?

@oliveshoot Yeah, there’s a mushy katdish. I don’t let her out much, though…

Okay – send me a tweet if you want me to do a #followfriday on you. Yes, I am THAT lazy.

@FilmLadd No, silly! A dog and cat have more votes than you. And that’s none of your damn business!

Okay – Who hasn’t read my sappy, emotional post today?: http://bit.ly/X9c0O @godhasablog – have you?

@mabeswife No. Me + Sewing Machine = bad.

@mabeswife The words “cool” “sewing” and “tutorial” do not belong in the same sentence.

@davidgs Thank you. I will now conduct an in depth study on cat yodeling.

@billycoffey Aw, thanks. Even though it may endanger my man card.

@AmberAusten I think it’s called, “Don’t they know what causes that?” (when asked, “What is the name of that show with the 17 kids?”)

Ugh! The teen angst on Facebook is getting really, really annoying!

@yourbetterbody is now following me on twitter. Well, make it snappy will ya? Bathing suit season is upon us!

@FilmLadd Oh, wait…I can vote more than once? Did ACORN set this vote up?

@Becks_Beer Yay! Your face is back!

@FilmLadd I’m actually originally from Virginia, which is also sexy, but I’m in Texas now.

@FilmLadd About Texas women being the sexiest. If you would stop tweeting for 2 seconds I could get a word in edgewise!

@davidgs My dh also has a fever. He is currently in a thera-flu induced coma.

@FilmLadd Fish Bathing? What is that? No, I want to Lord over people!

@FilmLadd Okay, I just voted for you, even though there was a shiny vampire in there that I was really tempted to vote for. I want POWER!

@PeterPollock At least the avatar LOOKS like the Queen of England. But now that I think about it, she had a 5 o’clock shadow.

@PeterPollock Dude. If you’re applying to be @billycoffey’s nasty pimp, forget it. I’ve already got that title!

@PeterPollock We’ve only been friends for awhile. Give it time, I’ll corrupt you before long.

RT @jewdacris Just had a Christmas shoes moment, only it was an old guy buying himself shoes & i don’t think he’s trying to look pretty for Jesus tonight

For my new follower who believes in God, Jesus and Buddah – You’re wrong, dude. There’s only One Way to God (hint-not Buddah)

@katdish Cuz she’ll never see that tweet. Well, she might see it on my post friday.

@Helenatrandom Oh she’s a ho. Also? She doesn’t use twitter. So she’s a nasty ho.

@Helenatrandom I’m not a shoe ho, I’m a twitter ho. Big difference.

@pwilson Do you need me to come down there and punch him in the kidneys? I will, you know.

@Helenatrandom @marni71 and I were discussing whether Rob Bell is really on twitter. Hence the pauses.

@marni71 Were his tweets too specific and doctrinal?

@marni71 do you have a direct line to him? (wondering if it’s the real Rob Bell)

@pwilson How am I supposed to lay down some life changing wisdom if I can’t comment?

@pwilson Seriously, dude. I still can’t comment on your blog. Get someone on that would ya?

@marni71 well

@marni71 it looks

@marni71 like him.

I wonder if

@thenoomaguy

will have tweets

that look like this.

Rabid Rob Bell fans: Bring it!

@chrissulli So, what you’re saying is you used to have bloggerrhea, but now you are blogstipated?

@Helenatrandom Well, I hope you’re happy. You made me look, and now I just threw up in my mouth.

@Helenatrandom Sweet fancy Moses! Would you stop with the head cheese already?

@Becks_Beer Well, I like your face, but I’m shallow like that…

@tremendousnews That was funny. Pathetic and sad – but also funny.

@Becks_Beer Okay. I really like the other avatar better.

Hand to God – this is the most butt-ugly cat you’re ever going to see: http://bit.ly/P5hXN

Alright, gotta go watch Deadliest Catch to see if they piss and moan the whole time like they did last week.

@davidgs You’re such a bad influence on me. Almost enough to unfollow. (But I can’t.)

@davidgs Wow. I think you’re more sarcastic than I am. That’s a pretty big deal.

@shrinkingcamel seriously, Bradley! Do you not understand the power of shameless self-promotion via twitter?

@pwilson Okay, I just tried to leave a comment on your blog 3 times to no avail. I’m fixin’ to write you a snarky anonymous email!

Okay! Who missed me? (Please don’t crash the twitter with your overwhelming responses!)

@CandySteele So, I guess that dog’s real name should have been “Unlucky”?

@marni71 Well, apparently Candy’s dog ate his own testicles.

@redclaydiaries Some people love my abuse. I’ve built quite a following because of it. It doesn’t rival yours, but still.

@redclaydiaries As to your comment on my blog? Shut up.

During a lunar eclipse, werewolves get stuck with just sideburns and a goatee. #randomfacts

RT @tremendousnews: I’m not saying she’s ugly, but if she were a font, she’d be wingdings.

If you think it sucks waking up alone, think about spending eternity without the One who made you. (from my pastor this morning)

@CandySteele Well, it is after all, a Jesus Cheeto

@PuriChristos @weightwhat @CandySteele This conversation is going downhill fast!

@CandySteele @PuriChristos Or the Jesus Cheeto. Did anyone see the Jesus Cheeto?

@PuriChristos I think you should start the ceremony with “Maaa-wige!”

@charliewetzel two words: leaf blower. Also? Your wife want a riding vacuum cleaner.

YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS AS IF TO YELL INTO THE TWITTER? Unfollow!

Dang! Gotta go to the Kroger. They hate me there. Maybe I’ll get some more incriminating pornographic cheese butler pics!

RT @AuntMarvel: In Portland on a layover getting my drunk on. And by “drunk” I mean “onion rings and ice water.” HOLY HELL I AM SO BORING.

RT @davidgs: Pro Tip: You’re not going to get rich quick with twitter. It’s not magic. So please, bugger the hell off, would you?

@billycoffey burned meat and baseball? What a completely mantastic day!

Annnnndddd……That’s what she said! Goodnight!

Hubby is finally home. Time to stop talking into the twitter.

I truly am shameless. ..

@MichaelHyatt Seriously, I gotta get me a copy of that book. You should send me one. A katdish recommedation is a rare & beautiful thing.

@CandySteele Look, I just watched 300 last night. Don’t make me come to Iowa!

@weightwhat My HMC (honorary man card) is secure in my back hip pocket. Right next to my firearm.

Oh, what the CRAP? Creepy gecko lizard on the bedroom floor. Went to get a paper towel to pick it up, got back and it was gone! ARGH!

Oh shameless self-promotion, how I love thee…

@MichaelHyatt – I concur. You can’t read everyone’s blog. But you should totally read mine: http://katdish.blogspot.com/

@Helenatrandom Glad to hear you’re wearing undies.

Good Saturday Morning, Y’all! Who missed me?

Okay. Off to the post office to mail out flamingos and skank fairies!

Okay, wuddup with the astronaut robot retweeting my tweets?

All Right! Gotta go interface with the non virtual people!

@weschicklit are you kidding me? Put the twitter down, woman!

I’m sorry people. I seem to be having quite a few that’s what she said moments, let’s see: monkey butt

@kdet62 that’s what she said.

AHEM! Please follow @godhasablog #followfriday. And remember to thank him in advance for the great parking space at the mall!

@Becks_Beer That’s what HE said!

@godhasablog Oh, and thanks for answering the whole “where’s my client contact folder” prayer.

Answer: If you were a client contacts folder, you would be under a giant pile of laundry. AHEM!

If you were a client contact folder, where would you be? Hint – not in my briefcase.

@redclaydiaries that’s what she said..

@redclaydiaries I knew you were going to say that.

@muchl8r, @helenatrandom, @weightwhat – Skank fairies and plastic flamingo yard art in route today!

@oliveshoot Waste time on twitter (check!)

@redclaydiaries Or “learn how Twitter pays my bills”. Yeah – if you live in a van down by the river!

Oh Houston humidity! How I loathe you!

You have a creepy brown avatar and your only tweet says “How to gain more followers”? Unfollow

@davidgs of course, I might be a tad jaded, I’ve worked on political campaigns before…

@davidgs regardless of political affiliation, they are mostly all hacks, and most would sell their grandmothers to gypsies.

Seen at the 12 items or less register: whip cream, douche and a lawn chair (hmmm….)

@davidgs oh, you’re such a grumpy ho!

Now come on people. Follow me. It will be fun. Unless you’re that creepy nasty Brittney chick that I had to block. In that case, “Shoo! Shoo!”