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Katdishionary Part 8

Ah, yes gentle reader. It is once again time for another installment of the epic and never-ending series of blog fodder known as the katdishionary. For your convenience, I have combined all previous posts in one place. (See the katdishionary tab) If there are other words you have observed me using that have yet to make it into the katdishionary, please feel free to share them in the comments section of that page. And as always, sorry/you’re welcome.

And now, on with the katdishionary:

Awesome Cat(pronounced: Ah-sum-kat)

Definition: Awesome Cat defies definition. He is awesome. The end.

Origin: My friend Shaun sent me the picture, which he found on Digg. As soon as I saw it, I knew Awesome Cat must be the unofficial mascot of the brain trust that is the Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants.

Badgertastic – (pronounced ba-jer-ta-stik)

Definition: Very definitively and enthusiastically having to do with badgers.

Origin: Sleep Talkin’ Man Blog – a blog that chronicles the nocturnal ramblings of a seemingly mild manned English chap by day who tends to get a tad profane whist sleeping: “My badger’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!” (Note: not suitable for all audiences.)

Example: Did you read SCL’s post about proposed VBS games? My favorite was Badger in a Bag. Badgertastic!

Badger in a Bag(pronounced: ba-jer-in-a-bag)

Definition: A VBS game concept described as follows: “Let’s hide pieces of caramel in a bag and then put a really angry badger in the same bag. To win, you have to successfully grab a piece of candy from the bag without losing a finger.” ~ Jon Acuff

Origin: Stuff Christians Like Post #275 – Playing Red Rover at VBS

Example: To heck with our liability insurance! Let’s bring badger in a bag back to VBS this year!

Faction(pronounced (fak-shun)

Definition: A memoir written by a relatively unknown and unpublished author with no ties to celebrities (in or out of rehab) which is rewritten as a novel in order to draw a larger audience.

Origin: Very savvy and smart publishers. (And no, I’m not being sarcastic. It’s brilliant marketing.)

Example: Snow Day by Billy Coffey. Available October 11, 2010 at bookstores everywhere. Buy one. Heck, buy 100. They make great stocking stuffers!

HRM(pronounced: H-R-M)

Definition: Acronym for Helen of Random Musings. HRM is used to differentiate Helen when she interviews herself on her blog.

Origin: “I first thought of interviewing myself when Former Governor Blagojevich was causing a media circus by going on any show that would have him claiming that he shouldn’t be impeached because he hasn’t been convicted of a crime. (And that he is innocent, and Rahm Emmanuel should be subpoenaed to testify on his behalf at his impeachment hearing, blaj blaj blaj (sic)….) His antics were driving me crazy, and it occurred to me that by using a split personality as a literary device, I’d be able to demonstrate to people reading just how crazy. My friends liked the interviews and suggested I do them more often, so I have.” – Helen (aka HRM)


Blagojevich Part I

Blagojevich Part II

How I Didn’t Become a Nun

Dancing With the Kumquats (My Supermarket Salsa Post)

About My Fortieth Birthday

My New Year’s Resolutions

Midyear New Year’s Resolution Update

Skunkalicious(pronounced: skun-ka-li-shous)

Definition: The state of not wanting to leave the house due to an excess period between root touch ups which gives me the appearance of wearing an odoriferous rodent on my head.

Origin: Genetics. Asian DNA which causes premature graying. I started going gray in my late 20’s. Sadly, the math gene was not passed on to me.

Example: Sorry. I can’t meet you for lunch today. I’m feeling a bit skunkalicious.

This concludes this edition of the katdishionary. Always a pleasure to educate the internets.


Last year I attended the Catalyst One Day conference at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, GA where I had the pleasure of meeting and sitting next to friend and bloggy hero Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like. We talked about bloggy stuff, family stuff and general pleasantries. Jon mentioned with great excitement a book he was reading called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Because I am nothing if not a procrastinator, it took me almost 10 months to finally read it. But wow – was he right about this book! If you’re a creative person, regardless of your passion, this book will admonish you, encourage you, and spur you on to put aside excuses and pursue your dreams with a new found vitality.

Here’s an excerpt from the book:

There’s a secret that real writers know that wannabe writers don’t, and the secret is this: It’s not the writing part that’s hard. What’s hard is sitting down to write. What keeps us from sitting down is Resistance.

Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands the Resistance.

Have you ever brought home a treadmill and let it gather dust in the attic? Ever quit a diet, a course in yoga, a meditation practice? Have you ever bailed out on a call to embark upon a spiritual practice, dedicate yourself to a humanitarian calling, commit your life to the service of others? Have you ever wanted to be a mother, a doctor, an advocate for the weak and helpless; to run for office, crusade for the planet, campaign for world peace, or to preserve the environment? Late at night have you experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn’t write, a painter who doesn’t paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture? Then you know what Resistance is….

Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. It is the root of more unhappiness than poverty, disease, and erectile dysfunction. To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be. If you believe in God (and I do) you must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our unique genius. Genius is a Latin word; the Romans used it to denote an inner spirit, holy and inviolable, which watches over us, guiding us to our calling. A writer writes with his genius; an artist paints with hers; everyone who creates operates from this sacramental center. It is our soul’s seat, the vessel that holds our being-in-potential, our star’s beacon and Polaris.

Every sun casts a shadow, and genius’s shadow is Resistance. As powerful as is our soul’s call to realization, so potent are the forces of Resistance arrayed against it. Resistance is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, harder to kick than crack cocaine. We’re not alone if we’ve been mowed down by Resistance; millions of good men and women have bitten the dust before us. And here’s the biggest bitch: We don’t even know what hit us. I never did. From age twenty-four to thirty-two, Resistance kicked my ass from East Coast to West and back again thirteen times and I never even knew it existed. I looked everywhere for the enemy and failed to see it right in front of my face.

Have you heard this story: Woman learns she has cancer, six months to live. Within days she quits her job, resumes the dream of writing Tex-Mex songs she gave up to raise a family (or starts studying classical Greek, or moves to the inner city and devotes herself to tending babies with AIDS). Woman’s friends think she’s crazy; she herself has never been happier. There’s a postscript. Woman’s cancer goes into remission.

Is that what it takes? Do we have to stare death in the face to make us stand up and confront Resistance? Does Resistance have to cripple and disfigure our lives before we wake up to its existence? How many of us have become drunks and drug addicts, developed tumors and neuroses, succumbed to painkillers, gossip, and compulsive cell-phone use, simply because we don’t do that thing that our hearts, our inner genius, is calling us to? Resistance defeats us. If tomorrow morning by some stroke of magic every dazed and benighted soul woke up with the power to take the first step toward pursuing his or her dreams, every shrink in the directory would be out of business. Prisons would stand empty. The alcohol and tobacco industries would collapse, along with the junk food, cosmetic surgery, and the infotainment businesses, not to mention pharmaceutical companies, hospitals, and the medical profession from top to bottom. Domestic abuse would become extinct, as would addiction, obesity, migraine headaches, road rage and dandruff.

Look into your own heart. Unless I’m crazy, right now a still small voice is piping up, telling you as it has ten thousand times, the calling that is yours and yours alone. You know it. No one has to tell you. And unless I’m crazy, you’re no closer to taking action on it than you were yesterday or will be tomorrow. You think Resistance isn’t real? Resistance will bury you.

So, ready to fight the Resistance? Here’s your chance. I’m going to give away a free copy of The War of Art. I’ll order it from Amazon and have it shipped directly to you if you’re the winner.

If you would like to enter, just leave me a comment on this post. The drawing will be random, but you have to tell me why you need this book. I’ll pick a winner next Friday.


If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you may know that the blog Stuff Christians Like is what inspired me to start my own blog. I love the sense of community that Jon has created on his site. Take a look at my sidebar. Every blog listed there and many more that aren’t are folks I’ve found either directly or indirectly from the comments section of Stuff Christians Like. He truly is the Kevin Bacon of the blogosphere.

Last Monday, Jon asked the question What if?:

“If only you had a platform with hundreds of thousands of friends from around the world that could easily organize and radically change the world through the power of something like a blog. If only…

Right now, right here, you and me and the Stuff Christians Like community have the chance to be much bigger than a blog. I am growing overwhelmed but the sense that God has given us all a tremendous gift called, “being alive on Monday” and He’s holding His breath in eager anticipation to see what we’ll do next.

And what’s next for Stuff Christians Like is that we’re going to build a kindergarten in Vietnam. (No segue whatsoever; we just jumped into that, didn’t we?)”

That’s when something amazing happened…Stuff Christians Like raised $30,000 in 18 hours and funded the building of a kindergarten in Vietnam.

And now the community of Stuff Christians Like would like to build a second kindergarten.

This is not the post I had originally scheduled for Bridget’s blog carnival topic of “Community”. But last night I saw the following from Jon Acuff on twitter:

@prodigaljohn: I’ve got 5 on it. Tomorrow, Acuff family is matching the 1st 100 $5 donations for 2nd kindgrten

And I thought, “How cool is that?” So I sent Jon the following direct messages:

prodigaljohn: I’ll match the next 50.

prodigaljohn: I mean the next 20 ($50)

prodigaljohn: Okay…I suck at math. I’ll match 20 (that’s $100 right?) Sigh…

We send a couple DMs back and forth and then Jon tweets this:

Want to play matchmaker? @katdish is matching $1 for every $5 the Acuffs match tomorrow for $500 for Vietnam. You in? 25cent match means $25

So…are you in? Click on the link and get the rest of the scoop from Jon.

Pardon me while I rant incessantly (Dear Anonymous)

I need to apologize right off the bat for this post because frankly, I’m pissed off. If you have been reading this blog for awhile, I don’t need to tell you how I feel about snarky anonymous commenters. Frankly, I think they’re cowards. Leaving a snarky anonymous comment is akin to leaving a burning bag of dog crap on someone’s front door, ringing the doorbell and running away to hide and snicker behind the bushes while you watch your unsuspecting victim stomp all over the crap you left.

I know I have a fair amount of readers who found their way over here from other blogs and from Twitter. But the vast majority of my readers are readers and fellow commenters on Jon Acuff’s site Stuff Christians Like.

I consider Jon a friend. He has been incredibly generous to his readers and has helped build an online community that is worldwide. Jon Acuff is the reason I started blogging in the first place. (Please don’t send him hate mail, I think he’s had a hard week already). A few months ago, Jon scored a book deal based on his blog, and it seems that ever since then (or maybe it’s just me), the anonymous comments have gone from bad to worse. I’ve seen some doosies on there, but yesterday’s comment section just left me speechless. (No small feat, I can assure you.)

But rather than addressing this (word that rhymes with koosh tag) on Jon’s site, I thought I would address it here instead of drawing more attention to their comment. Because, let’s face it – isn’t what these gutless wonders are looking for anyway? Attention? I could tell you what the post was about, but that’s really not the point. If you want to read it, feel free to do so – it’s really good. The following was not the only nasty comment he got, and I suspect the other one might be from the same author, but here’s the one that set me off:

Anonymous said…

I bet there are other things on your list Jonathan that you wouldn’t dare confess. Come on . Ecstasy is your big confession? Please. Enough of this false humility and empty confessions. The REAL power is when we admit how depraved we Christians actually are. Jonathan I am tired of your meaningless masturbatory banter. Yes we think you are a good writer. Is that what you are looking for? I think you should rename your blog THINGS CHRISTIANS HATE because it is becoming something I really hate. Stop preaching on facebook please.

August 26, 2009 10:33 AM

REALLY ANONYMOUS? Who peed in your corn flakes yesterday morning? And incidentally, if you hate SCL so much, then why not just stop reading it? At least have the common decency to write the man a private email instead of spewing your gutless diatribe for all the world to see. Oh, but wait…that would mean you would actually have to have an ounce of courage in you, which clearly – you do not.


And yes, I realize that by writing this post I’m stooping to their level, but at least you know from whom these words are coming from. Besides, that’s just how I roll sometimes…

End of rant…carry on.

A Random Look at my Morning (Repost)

Okay, so…many of you have already read this post, but since I have a few new readers thanks to the twitter and my fabulous corral of guest bloggers, I thought I would start reposting some of my more ridiculous posts on Saturdays. Let’s face it, traffic is down on the weekend, and I actually have a life beyond the internet. I wrote this post on my way to Georgia to attend a Catalyst One Day and “Off the Blogs” later that night. Here’s me being random:

I typed this on the airplane. There’s more to my day, but it’s late and I gotta get some sleep. I need to have my sarcasm “A” game on tomorrow. So, here ya go:

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

12:50 pm – Sitting in seat 8F on CO airlines flight destined for Atlanta. The captain announces that we will be delayed from taxiing to the runway because something just blew into the eyes of a member of the ground crew and they need to find a replacement. Wut?! (The crew member, not his eyes.) Begin reading “Under the Overpass” by Mike Yankoski. Thanks for the recommendation, Marni!

1:20 pm- The flight that was supposed to take off at 12:45 is now in route to the runway. I am frantically attempting to type birthday wishes to Frank, husband of Beth, who still hasn’t posted a Snuggie video. Mission accomplished. Still waiting on said video. Wuzzup with dat? Feeling rather gangsta at the moment, fo shizzle. (Editor’s Note: Stil waiting on video.)

1:30 pm- Hear the flight attendant shoving that stupid cart up the aisle and smashing a couple of unsuspecting elbows in the process. Grateful to have a window seat with an empty seat between the woman sitting on the aisle seat. I’m not anti-woman sitting one seat over, it’s just nice to have some elbow room. She is a well dressed, attractive woman reading a book (WDAWRAB). Hold on, I’ll try to see what it’s called (gotta be on the lowdown – shhh!) It’s called “I Feel bad about my Neck”. No, I am NOT making that up!

1:40 pm- I order a diet coke and a bag-o-pretzels. The bag contains approximately 5-1/2 pretzels. I couldn’t eat another bite! Meanwhile, WDAWRAB breaks out a deli sandwich chock full of deliciousness. It pays to plan ahead! Well, at least I guess it pays to plan ahead, I wouldn’t know.

1:45 pm- Oh snap! I am not making this up! WDAWRAB just pulled out a giant bag of Skittles! This, I am confident, is a sign from God declaring the awesomeness of the adventure that awaits me! Kewl.

1:50 pm- Captain has turned on the seatbelt sign as we are expected to experience some mild turbulence. I am lamenting the fact that I didn’t pee before I boarded the airplane. My husband told me to leave the house no later than 10:15 am for a 12:45 flight. Shea, right! Turns out he was annoyingly right yet again. Because I left a tad bit later than that (11ish) and by the time I got to the “Tacky Texas Crap Gift Shop” just before Gate C-29 (which is the very last gate at the end of the concourse), the final boarding call was being made and I had to throw my bag-o-tacky into by purse and make a run for it. Obviously, I made it. So there.

2:00 pm- I seriously gotta pee. Proceed with kegal exercises.

2:01 pm- This isn’t happening right now, I just forgot to tell you this: The pilot said earlier that it is 45 degrees in Atlanta. Forty freaking five degrees? It’s 78 in Houston! I did not bring a jacket. Oh well, it’s a good thing sunshine follows me wherever I go. Still have to pee. Now I’m doing the jiggy leg.

2:10 pm – I just asked the flight attendant when we’re supposed to land in Atlanta. She said 3:45. And I’m thinking, “How suck is that?” She must have sensed my alarm, because she informed me that they are an hour ahead of us. Good thing, cuz I really gotta pee. You know, like Forrest Gump after he drank all those Dr. Peppers at the White House?

2:15 pm- I wonder if anyone would pay money to have me write a book where I simply ramble on incessantly with an occasional prosperity gospel rant. That would be awesome. Angela got mad at me because I tagged her on Facebook for “25 Random things about me”. Which is strange, because I could spout off about 325 random things about me right outta the gate. Seriously, turbulence or not. I’m gonna go find the bathroom…

2:20 pm- Okay. I’m back. Could they make the aisles of these airplanes any narrower? I’m not exactly petite, but it’s not like I’m big like Fat Oprah (who I like way better than Thin Oprah). I just touched at least eleven shoulders with my butt. That’s ridiculous. Then, when I get back to my seat, WDAWRAB, who is listening to some time management CD on a portable disc player with some sweet Bose headphones, stands up to let me in and the dang CD player fell on the floor and under another seat. Katdish: Annoying people at 10,000 feet and beyond.

2:25 pm- There is a little yellow triangle with an exclamation point on my computer battery thingy, so I guess that means “Your time is up”. Also, the trash Nazis are coming down the aisle and they look like they mean business. Now the triangle just turned to a red “x”, so I suppose that would indicate that my battery means business as well. Bummer. Oh! We’re descending, and it’s 64 degrees. I don’t need no stinking jacket! Now, go about your business. I won’t be back until I am safely in Alpharetta with my laptop plugged into the wall!

Off the Blogs

Why yes, I AM very shiny!
Thanks for noticing.

6:00 pm (ish): Meet my new driver friend (whose name I still can’t pronounce) in front of my hotel. Call Steph to get the address for Buckhead Christian Church. Driver enters info into his GPS, which apparently works way better than Google maps, because Google maps sure didn’t help Steph get to Buckhead very well.

6:30 pm: Arrive at Buckhead.

So, I don’t really get Atlanta. Buckhead is not downtown Atlanta, but it sure feels like it should be downtown. I suppose it’s like Houston in a way, in that we have lots of places that have tall buildings. But in Houston, the only place that really “feels” like downtown to me is downtown Houston. But I digress…

I suppose I should have mentioned on my previous post that I spent a fair amount of time at North Point shoving a paper doll in the hands of random people and then asking them to pose for a picture. If you attended Catalyst One Day, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Oh yeah…I remember her now. Boy, was that chick annoying!” Thanks. It’s a gift, really. Anyhoo, when I arrived at Buckhead Church, I continued to take pictures of people posing with Zeke. I also met a couple of people who also have blogs, and it’s cool to put a face with a name, like Ben Arment and Nick Carnes. I was early, and basically sat around waiting for Steph. I also had the opportunity to meet Jon Acuff’s mother-in-law and his wife Jenny (who is stunning, btw). I did not get a chance to meet Jon’s dad, but boy, do they look alike!

It was starting to get crowded, and the band was rehearsing so no one was allowed in yet. Pete Wilson was nice enough to put Steph’s giant booty (bag) between 2 seats in the front row, thereby saving our seats. I enjoy asking popular pastors from large churches to do little errands for me. It’s just one more thing that makes me so very endearing. Not unlike when I asked Brad Lomenick, who is the Executive Director of Catalyst to pose for a picture with Zeke. When he asked me what it was for, I said, “Don’t worry about that, just pose for the picture already!” Yeah. People dig me. Oh, where was I? Oh, yeah. They start letting people in. Steph is no longer lost, but now cannot find a parking space. Which is weird, because they have at LEAST 10 parking spaces designated for an event that has about 150 attendees. Go figure.

Steph finally arrives. We exchange hugs and settle into our seats. Pete Wilson introduces Aaron Keyes and friends, then we are lead in some praise and worship songs. I am lamenting the fact that Aaron Keyes has better hair than me, and wondering if he uses a flat iron or does he just have a really good stylist. He is also a big fan of the book of Psalms, which is cool, cuz me too. He also quotes a scripture about breast feeding and mentions that he has 4 kids and his wife is breastfeeding. Now I’m thinking, “Okay, let’s move on.” At one point during all of this, Steph accuses me of interfering with the Holy Spirit just because I suggested that she randomly shout out, “JESUS!” during this time. She was definitely interfering with my spiritual gift of sarcasm. But I’ve prayed about it, and I’ve forgiven her ungrateful heart. There is barely enough room on the front row to hold Steph, me, and our combined sarcasm.

Pete Wilson gets back up, introduces Ann Jackson, Carlos Whittaker and Jon Acuff, during which time the three of them are awkwardly trying to set up 4 stools on a very small stage. Jon is sitting on the end with his stool butting up to a mic stand. Rather than moving the mic stand off the stage, he settles for sitting VERY CLOSE to Carlos Whittaker. I thought I was the only one who notices this, but clearly, this does not escape Jon’s attention. Which is just one more reason why that guy cracks me up.

Ann, Carlos and Jon proceed to “Go First”. What this means is that they shared some very personal, potentially embarrassing situations that they have struggled with in their lives. (Did I mention that Jon’s parents and in-laws were sitting in the audience?) When they finish speaking, Pete asks them a couple of questions and then opens it up to the audience. So how many people do you think raised their hand? Yes. You are correct. Approximately none. Well, I’m chock full-o-questions, and fear of making a fool of myself has never really been a big deterrent for me in the past. So, after three famous bloggers bare their souls to a crowd of strangers, I ask the following questions to Pete Wilson courtesy of my friend Helen of Random Musings:

What makes a blog comment worthy to you?
How many blogs do you check out per day?
What have I got that Helen hasn’t got?
Why do you never comment on her blog?
Why do you make your wife freeze by keeping the thermostat too low?
Buy her a snuggie already!
If you and Jon Acuff had a fight with fists tied behind your backs, who would win?

After the third question, there was an audible hush in the room, as if to say, “Who in the hail is this person, and why is she asking those stupid questions?” But at that point, I was committed. I’m pretty sure Steph is slouching down in her seat in an attempt to become invisible – which totally didn’t work. Pete very kindly saves the moment by saying, “In the interest of time, I’m only going to answer one of those questions.” He answered the blog comment one, saying that if a comment seems to come from the heart, he often felt compelled to answer it. Of all the people sitting on the stage, Carlos Whittaker is the only one who has absolutely no idea who I am. I’ve never commented on Ann’s blog, but she works for Pete, so she sort of knows who I am. I think his mouth was literally hanging open during that exchange.

After I broke the ice. Well…after I smashed through the ice with a high powered sledgehammer, a couple more folks asked questions. Here’s one that I thought was kinda special: “What goes through your head right before you throw up?” Now, see…for me, that would be, “Gross. I’m about to throw up.” But whatever…

The evening was not what I expected, but it was very cool. I was able to talk briefly with Carlos Whittaker and Jenny Acuff who were both very gracious. I also gave Carlos Whittaker a copy of a CD made when I was at another church and an autographed copy of a little book called “Making Your Mark: How to leave long, annoying comments on other people’s blogs” by Wordy McTypealot personally autographed by yours truly. So, I’m pretty sure I made his month, if not his entire year.

Steph and I walked approximately 42 miles back to where she had parked. We then proceeded back to Alpharetta and back to my luxurious suite at the Comfort Inn where, instead of interfacing over the Internet, we were able to really get to know each other…NOT! We both had our laptops and were commenting on The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants blog, which is more of a geeky chat room than it is a blog.

Also, I had Cheetos for dinner.

I will now open up the floor for questions. Anyone? Anyone?

Stuff This Christian Likes: Catalyst One Day

Alright, alright…Jon Acuff was NOT dressed like a pimp, nor did he have any large security guards surrounding him. As he promised on SCL, he was fairly easy to spot:

He was sporting the red down vest and the blue backpack choke full-o-skittles. I was pretty stoked that I was able to sit with him at the conference. Rather than give you a blow by blow of everything that happened at Catalyst (because frankly, I can’t remember everything), I’ll just give you a few things that stuck out in my mind:

  • When everyone started pouring in to the main hall, I followed Jon to where he and his wife typically sit on Sunday mornings. (Hopefully not in a weird, stalkerish way.)
  • Once seated, I call my husband and say, “I’m sitting next to Jon Acuff!”, while Jon Acuff calls his wife and says, “I’m sitting next to Katdish!”. I found this ridiculously funny.
  • Steve Fee lead worship. Yes, THAT Steve Fee. And yes, it was awesome.

  • I had to make a conscious effort NOT to look at Jon Acuff during this, because I found myself wondering if he was doing the “pound cake” or the “watermelon”. Shame on me.
  • Randomly thinking to myself that attending Catalyst at North Point is like witnessing countless SCL posts come to life. Also realize that Jon Acuff is literally sitting on a gold mine of future posts.
  • Realize that I may have to write an annoying comment on Dr. Tim Keller’s website just to let him know that I may have a new Super Mega-Pastor crush. Cuz Craig Groeschel is all that and a bag-o-chips. Anyone who can tell a packed room full of ministry people that if their vision is to be a mega church that they’re STUPID, is way cool in my book. (Said the chick from the tiny church plant.) Also wondering if he would be a father of 6 if there had been such a thing as a Snuggie or Slanket “back in the day”.
  • First break: I grab my giant briefcase and rush to stand in line to get a picture of Andy Stanley and Zeke. I attempt to encapsulate the meaning behind Zeke in 10 seconds to Andy Stanley, give up and just take the picture. He was real sweet not to visibly roll his eyes at me.
  • Attempt to get back to my seat after coming in late. The aisle of seats at North Point are VERY CLOSE together. Whist carrying my large, heavy briefcase over my head, I lose my balance, fall into the lap of a rather tall, relevant looking guy. Apologize profusely, get my big butt back to my seat, more than a little embarrassed at the scene I’ve just created.
  • Am comforted by the words of Jon Acuff, who simply says in a hushed tone, “Nice.”
  • More great praise and worship music, more awesome wisdom from Andy Stanley and Craig Groeschel. Free stuff, Q&A time, yada, yada, yada.
  • Catalyst One Day draws to a close, but not before I finally get to meet Pete Wilson in the hallway. And yes, he’s as nice in person as you imagine he would be.
  • Free hotel shuttle picks me up at North Point. She is late because traffic at that place is ridiculous. By the time I get back to the hotel, I have roughly 5 minutes to brush my teeth and have 2 pieces of Trident gum for dinner. Time to head out to “Off the Blogs”!

To be continued…

Okay…where was I?

So, I get to Atlanta. The airport is ridiculously big and spread out. I follow the signs pointing to baggage claim and find myself on the biggest escalator I have ever seen. I then remark to no one in particular, “This is the biggest escalator I’ve ever seen!” This will be the first of many times during my visit where I get blank stares and/or people trying to get some physical distance from my general vicinity.

After being whisked away to baggage claim by a train that travels at approximately 500 mph, I get my bag, then meet up with my shuttle driver whose name I can’t pronounce. He is driving a champagne colored van with a suit to match – very classy in a Garanimals sort of way. We begin our journey to Alpharetta, Georgia. Random observations: Georgia has a lot of trees. My driver’s conversation skills are impressive. Driving skills? Not so much…

Arrive at my hotel, check in, go to my room. Call hubby and Steph at the Red Clay Diaries. (We’re friends now, so I just call her “Steph”.) Realize that those pretzels are not going to tide me over until the complimentary breakfast tomorrow morning. Call the front desk to find out that there is a free shuttle provided by the hotel to take me anywhere my heart desires within a 5 mile area. Kewl. Have a burger, fries and root beer float from Steak and Shake for the first time in 20 years. Yum.

Proceed to put together giant bags of random awesomeness for Steph, Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson:

Realize that it is getting late and I have yet to cover my varnish stained fingernails on my ugly man-hands. This is an occupational hazard of painting. Fortunately, I remembered to purchase some Lee press-on nails prior to leaving Houston. Proceed to glue tacky nails on. Get into bed, proceed to toss and turn until 6:00 am Thursday morning.

Shower, primp and get dressed. I am completely underwhelmed by the mighty power of the hotel blow dryer with approximately 5 watts of power. Load up laptop, camera, and a bunch of other crap and head down for some free breakfast.

Take free shuttle to North Point Community Church. That is one big church! Pick up ticket at will call desk and drop off bags for Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson. Right at that moment, I hear playing loudly from a boom box “Mama Said Knock you out”. Turn to see Jon Acuff dressed to the nines, with fur coat and sunglasses, surrounded by 4 large security guards who clear a path for him as he throws Skittles to the adoring hoard of onlookers, occasionally making eye contact to some swooning female and mouths to her, “Wuzzup?”

Oh, gee whiz! I’m out of time for today! Tomorrow I’ll tell you how I won a contest in order to win the privilege of sitting next to Jon Acuff at the Catalyst One Day!

Editor’s Note: Portions of the above post may be slight exaggerations or just flat out hooey.

Hey look, a Chicken!

‘Twas four days after Christmas, and all through the house
Were the sounds of loud children, but where was my spouse?
Oh, off to some meeting for this or the other,
While sister was yelling at her older brother,
“Don’t change the channel, cause I was here first!
I want to watch Sponge Bob, Golf Channel’s the worst!”

The garbage was stacked by the curbside with care,
In hopes that the garbage truck soon would be there;
The children had long since been up from their beds,
“We’re hungry! We’re hungry! We need to be fed!”
And what do you think a good mom has to eat?
Why, leftover cookie dough is always a treat!

When out of my girl’s room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my studio to see what was the matter.
Away to her doorway I looked down to snoop,
That my sister’s dog Maggie had left us some poop.

My sisters you see, along with my mama
Were down at Atlantis – that’s in the Bahamas.
So Maggie and Moose, the dog and the cat
Spent Christmas with us, plus some days after that.

On Maggie, on Buddy, on Moose and on Rudy,
It’s hard to keep track of who left what doody.
But later this evening my sis will be back
And she’ll pack up her car with her dog and her cat.
They’d rather stay here than at some pet hotel,
I just hope my new steamer can get out the smell.

But alas, look at me; once again, I digress
I meant to write something in the hopes to express
How grateful I am for some time to unwind
And to thank you for reading, you’re really too kind
My family, my friends and even my dog
have been inspiration for me and this blog
So thanks for your patience, your kindness and love
And most of all thanks to my Father Above

This year has been awesome, though some spots have been rough
When I thank God for blessings, I’ll include Jon Acuff
For without this great blog known as “Stuff Christians Like”
I wouldn’t have many of you in my life
And who would have thunk that I’d have such affection
For people I met through my high speed connection?

That’s all that I have; the plot does not thicken
Just thanks to you all, and……

Hey look, a chicken!

Speaking of some of my favorite things…

Jon Acuff’s birthday is December 19. Please go to Stacy from Louisville’s Blog for more information on how to make this the most Razzle Dazzlest Birthday Ever!

I’m not exactly sure how old he is, but based on this photo I would estimate his age at about fourteen or fifteen.

Now, go see Stacy.

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