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The politics of personal tragedy

To say you don’t follow politics is tantamount to saying you don’t keep up with the news at all, because in this era of the 24 hour news cycle, everything is politicized.

By now, you’re probably aware that Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher shot and killed his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins then drove to Arrowhead Stadium where he died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, an act witnessed by his coach and the team’s general manager.

You also may have heard various media pundits rushing to make sense of such a senseless act. So far, I’ve heard

  • the gun culture is to blame
  • domestic violence is to blame
  • head injuries sustained by football players are to blame
  • having children out of wedlock is to blame
  • drug and/or alcohol abuse is to blame
  • instantaneous celebrity status and wealth without coping mechanisms are to blame

And on and on…

I’m hardly the first to make the observation that ultimately, Jovan Belcher is to blame for the events of last Saturday. While you might make the argument that any or all of the aforementioned scenarios may have contributed to his mental state and his acts of violence, a reasonable person simply cannot dismiss the need for personal responsibility.

Everyone can agree what happened last Saturday morning was a horrible tragedy, yet I suppose it’s human nature–this desire to hold someone or something accountable, to assign blame to some tangible entity–someone or something which can be made the object of our wrath. Since Belcher is no longer here, our vitriol must find a new home.

Reactions to these deaths are so sadly predictable. As Jovan Belcher and Kasandra Perkins’s families struggled to grasp the reality that they were dead, within hours people were already lining up their agendas and crafting their arguments to support why more needs to be done about the gun culture, domestic violence, head injuries, having children out of wedlock, drug and alcohol abuse, the price of fame, (insert your cause here). I watched as a news anchor became visibly angry upon hearing Bob Costas “gun culture” commentary, because there was no mention of domestic violence in his editorial. Another talking head was incensed that no one was talking about how football players are four times more likely to suffer from mental illness due to head injuries and that nothing was being done about it. Lots of talk about why this happened, very little time given to mourn the loss of these two young people, who they were when they were alive or who they left behind.

What becomes lost in our attempts to demonize our preferred objects of wrath is this:

A baby girl will grow up without a mother or a father, and will eventually learn why both are gone. She will instead be raised by her grandmother, a woman who may be forever haunted by the memory of witnessing her beloved son murdering the mother of her granddaughter.

Coach Romeo Crennel and  General Manager Scott Pioli will mostly likely replay a scenario countless times in their minds where, despite their desperate pleas and attempts to prevent it, they stand in helpless horror as one of their own ends his life by putting a bullet into his head.

This story has horrified us, but as with most tragedies we see on the news, it will soon be relegated to the recesses of our minds. We’re not apt to forget it completely, but it won’t be something we struggle with every day for the rest of our lives. Such is not the case for those closest to Jovan Belcher and Kasandra Perkins, all of whom have access to the same media outlets as the rest of us.

In our collective effort to dissect and explain humanity, let’s not lose sight of our own.

The Root of Kindness


image courtesy of photobucket.com

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post called Patiently for the blog carnival. I’ll confess I already knew what I was going to write about, I just didn’t know how I would work the topic of “Patience” into it. In case you missed it, it was my first attempt at a short story. The post was about was domestic violence. The story was fictional, but statistically speaking, the scenario I described is all too real. Based upon the number of views that post received, I knew I couldn’t just leave it at one post. I needed to follow up.

So, here we are. The topic this week is “Kindness”. Again, I wondered how to work that theme into my post. Then, like an answer to prayer, this Sunday’s sermon was on that very topic. But more about that later…

Since I have never been the victim of domestic violence, I felt it would be disingenuous to attempt to write about it with any authority. I briefly corresponded via email with a survivor of domestic violence, which was the catalyst for this follow up post.

I also spoke with a friend yesterday. We’ll call her “Barbara”.*

Barbara’s story has a happy ending. After sixteen years of physical and emotional abuse, she finally broke free of the cycle and is now happily married to a great guy.

I wanted to know what the “last straw” was; what finally made her say “Enough”. Her answer was both predictable and chilling. She told me, “I just quit caring. I told him I didn’t give a shit if he beat me anymore. That’s when he started in on our oldest son.” She didn’t leave right away, but that was the beginning of the end to her nightmare. In the end, she did get away, and she is alive to tell about it.

Now, back to the topic at hand: Kindness. The following is an excerpt from Jeff’s sermon on Sunday:

1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us “Love is patient, love is kind”…

UNDERSTAND Kindness

When we use the word “kind” today, we typically compare it with words like “nice” or “compassionate.” Those aren’t bad comparisons, but neither of those words goes far enough to get at the heart of what Paul is saying here.

The Greek word translated “kind” is χρηστεύομαι “chrēsteuomai, (pronounced khrā-styü’-o-mī).

It comes from the root word χρηστός “chrēstos” (pronounced khrā-sto’s)

Chrestos means “fit for use,” or “useful.”

On the most basic level, kindness MEETS NEEDS.

Barbara was fortunate. She had family and friends who were willing to meet her needs. When she finally left, a friend opened her house to Barbara and her three children. It wasn’t convenient and it wasn’t easy. But a true act of kindness seldom is.

If you know someone who is a victim of abuse, I am speaking directly to you. Ultimately, the decision to leave – to choose life – is up to them. Just understand that their abusers have convinced them they are worthless and undeserving of a better life. It is your obligation to prove to them otherwise; to provide a safe haven and your unwavering support to them. It could literally be the difference between life and death.

Meet their needs.

Chrestos.

“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who in times of crisis preferred to remain neutral.” ~ Dante

***

This post is part of this week’s One Word Blog Carnival: Kindness, hosted by my friend Bridget Chumbley at One Word at a Time.

*A very special thanks to my friend and sister in Christ, “Barbara”. I am so grateful to know you my friend. You are a beautiful example of kindness and grace in action.

Kindness


Ever since I heard what Tuesday’s blog carnival topic was going to be, this song has been playing in my mind. It’s one of my favorite worship songs we sing at C3 (my church, for you newbies). I love the chorus: “It’s your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance/Your favor Lord is our desire/ It’s your beauty Lord that makes us stand in silence/And your love, your love/Is better than life.”

Because that’s what made me fall in love with Jesus. Not what I could do, or how I could be a better person in order to get into heaven. There was a period in my life when I almost made it about that — trying to be good enough or holy enough — but not initially, and not anymore. I was then and I am now simply overwhelmed with gratitude for His loving kindness and His sacrifice. Even for a wretch like me. And even though I fall short every single day of living a life worthy of His love, it is that love that motivates me to try a little harder to be the sort of person that reflects who He is.

Open up the skies of mercy
And rain down the cleansing flood
Healing waters rise around us
Hear our cries Lord let ’em rise

Open up the skies of mercy
And rain down the cleansing flood
Healing waters rise around us
Hear our cries Lord let ’em rise

It’s Your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It’s Your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life

We can feel
Your mercy falling
You are turnin our hearts back again
Hear our praises rise to heaven
Draw us near Lord
Meet us here

It’s Your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It’s Your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love

It’s Your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It’s Your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life
Is better than life

Your love

Open up the skies of mercy
And rain down the cleansing flood
Healing waters rise around us
Hear our cries Lord let ’em rise

***

Have a beautiful Sunday, y’all!