Katdish.net

On my way home from Atlanta, I spied yet another Skymall catalog. For my new readers, you may want to search this blog for “Skymall”. It will be delightful, I’m sure.

Anyhoo…I had already given Steph and Jon autographed copies of the Skymall catalog during my trip to the great state of Georgia. However, I felt compelled to leave a gift to the friendly skies:

(I also wrote my URL address on it.)

That’s right, people. I spammed an airplane.

And yes, I am currently working on another installment of the Skymall series. I know you are all breathless with anticipation…

So, I get to Atlanta. The airport is ridiculously big and spread out. I follow the signs pointing to baggage claim and find myself on the biggest escalator I have ever seen. I then remark to no one in particular, “This is the biggest escalator I’ve ever seen!” This will be the first of many times during my visit where I get blank stares and/or people trying to get some physical distance from my general vicinity.

After being whisked away to baggage claim by a train that travels at approximately 500 mph, I get my bag, then meet up with my shuttle driver whose name I can’t pronounce. He is driving a champagne colored van with a suit to match – very classy in a Garanimals sort of way. We begin our journey to Alpharetta, Georgia. Random observations: Georgia has a lot of trees. My driver’s conversation skills are impressive. Driving skills? Not so much…

Arrive at my hotel, check in, go to my room. Call hubby and Steph at the Red Clay Diaries. (We’re friends now, so I just call her “Steph”.) Realize that those pretzels are not going to tide me over until the complimentary breakfast tomorrow morning. Call the front desk to find out that there is a free shuttle provided by the hotel to take me anywhere my heart desires within a 5 mile area. Kewl. Have a burger, fries and root beer float from Steak and Shake for the first time in 20 years. Yum.

Proceed to put together giant bags of random awesomeness for Steph, Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson:

Realize that it is getting late and I have yet to cover my varnish stained fingernails on my ugly man-hands. This is an occupational hazard of painting. Fortunately, I remembered to purchase some Lee press-on nails prior to leaving Houston. Proceed to glue tacky nails on. Get into bed, proceed to toss and turn until 6:00 am Thursday morning.

Shower, primp and get dressed. I am completely underwhelmed by the mighty power of the hotel blow dryer with approximately 5 watts of power. Load up laptop, camera, and a bunch of other crap and head down for some free breakfast.

Take free shuttle to North Point Community Church. That is one big church! Pick up ticket at will call desk and drop off bags for Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson. Right at that moment, I hear playing loudly from a boom box “Mama Said Knock you out”. Turn to see Jon Acuff dressed to the nines, with fur coat and sunglasses, surrounded by 4 large security guards who clear a path for him as he throws Skittles to the adoring hoard of onlookers, occasionally making eye contact to some swooning female and mouths to her, “Wuzzup?”

Oh, gee whiz! I’m out of time for today! Tomorrow I’ll tell you how I won a contest in order to win the privilege of sitting next to Jon Acuff at the Catalyst One Day!

Editor’s Note: Portions of the above post may be slight exaggerations or just flat out hooey.

Are you sitting at home thinking how truly awesome it would be to find a one-stop shopping place for all the things in life you really should not live without?

You’d love a Snuggie, but your dog’s nails need a trimming, a few rhinestones need to be replaced on your jean jacket, you need to increase your closet hanging space, your produce doesn’t have the fridge life you’d hoped for, you have bad mojo due to harmful foot toxins, you have a pesky overabundance of nose hair, your lace dickey is so 5 years ago, you’re having a hard time eavesdropping on your neighbors at the mailbox, you have no place to hang your bananas, there’s no good place locally to buy waterproof granny panties, you’d like to know what your cat is really trying to tell you, and your dryer is full of lint! Look no further, my friend!

One visit to the fine folks at Harriet Carter and your troubles are over, my friend! You can find all the aforementioned items and SO MUCH MORE!!! You’re welcome. Just trying to make all of your lives a bit easier. I’m generous like that.

P. S. – Who in the heck plays backgammon anymore? Wrapped in a Snuggie or otherwise?

No doubt, millions of you have been on the edge of your seats anxiously awaiting observations I promised about Ted L. Nancy’s book “Letters from a Nut”. (I realize that my site counter indicates a much lower number, but once it reached infinity, it started over. But I digress…)

“Letters from a Nut” is just that. It is a collection of letters that were actually written and mailed to an assortment of companies, individuals and heads of state. It has been rumored that Ted L. Nancy is actually Jerry Seinfeld, but this has never been proven in a court of law. Without further adieu, the following is one such letter and the corresponding reply:

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times, but it bears repeating: Retail is for suckers. Having said that, I feel I should share with you some cautionary advice about spending extended periods in stores that offer “designer brands at discount prices”. If you do not find the deal of a lifetime within the first 10 minutes, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! In your desperate attempt to find a bargain, often things that you wouldn’t give at the tackiest white elephant gift exchange somehow find their way into your shopping cart. If you are weak, shop with a buddy — preferably one who will bluntly tell you just how incredibly ugly that sunflower tea cozy really is. (If you’re in the Houston area, I am available at a nominal fee.)

Since a picture truly is worth a thousand words, I will give you some examples of what NOT to buy on your next shopping excursion.

In my exciting and rewarding career as a faux-paux painter, not only do I help my clients choose a color palette, help them with creative decorating solutions, and wipe God only knows what off of their baseboards, as an added service, I also am always on the lookout for decorative pieces that might fit with their decor. I have worked in a vast array of homes with a wide variety of decorative tastes. I have not, however, ever had the occasion to select anything like this:

(Then again, I’ve never painted for any missionary families.)

And while we’re on the subject of decorating, I have also painted a few fairly awesome beach themed rooms (if I do say so myself). Here’s the thing — if a child requests a surfing or beach theme, it is usually because he or she thinks it would be incredibly cool to have their friends hang out in said room. Resist the urge to buy every surfer themed item! Less is more. Besides, little statues like this do not scream, “I am cool”:

They scream, “I am as nerdy and as fish-belly white as Captain Shorty Pants, here.”

With a name like “katdish” you would think that I would be all about the decorative cat accessories — and you would be wrong. I don’t dislike cats; I have a cat. But having a real cat (and the associated litter box) is really all I need. I’m not fond of the bumper sticker declaring my sworn loyalty to the Abyssinian, Persian or Siamese. Nor, would I ever own any of these items:

And frankly, if you have actual cats that resemble any of the ones pictured, shopping should be way down the list of problems you’ve yet to deal with. And speaking of pets, if you purchase a lead crystal dog bowl for your little four-legged friend, does the word “Spoiled” really need to be engraved on it, Captain Obvious?

The following items truly defy any logic. I can only loosely categorize them into “weird stuff you might put food into or perhaps frighten a small child with”:

While we’re on the topic of frightening, have you ever purchased a celebrity endorsed product? I’m not talking about something useful like a thigh master or a George Foreman grill. What I mean is, have you purchased an item with a celebrity’s likeness on the packaging? Nothing says, “You really should stay with your own children next Christmas, Uncle Phil” like a celebrity endorsed board game:

Do we have any Dr. Laura fans out there? If you have read all of Dr. Schlessinger’s books and listen to her radio program faithfully, yet still are not entirely convinced of what a pathetic loser you really are, perhaps you may be in need of some personal counseling via your very own Dr. Laura doll:

Not only is your favorite snarky psycho-therapist decked out in a fabulous lemon yellow pants suit, but if you politely and respectfully press the center button of her single breasted, designer jacket, she will speak to you in that oh-so condescending voice of hers. I know this to be true, because I do what I am told. And when I saw that little blue circle that says “Try Me”, I did just that. I’m not entirely certain what she said to me, as my actions coincided with an announcement on the intercom (“Clean up on Aisle 5”). But I’m pretty sure she called me a tramp.

We’ve talked about the inside of your house, but what does the exterior of your home convey to others? Seriously, people. Do I even need to mention you should avoid the lawn and garden aisle at Big Lots at all costs?:

I will close this post with a word of advice for readers of the female persuasion. When you are getting dressed in the morning and your husband gazes upon your backside, do you really want him reminded of Easter egg hunts from days gone by, and the “big one that got away”?

While I have been known to rock the granny panties on those days between “when the laundry should be done” and “when the laundry is actually done”, clearly this should not be a regular practice. Besides, they make an excellent tea cozy!

Okay, whether or not you’re considered obese is a matter for those ridiculous insurance charts. Pull-lease! They don’t take into account those of us that are big-boned (pronounced: big-bone-ded), and the fact that you have rather large feet and a fairly sizable head. (I gotta fit my giant brain somewhere!) I’m kind of like Oprah…only I’m not famous, African-American, have a book club, a huge production company, nor could I buy and sell you several times over if I wanted to. But I digress…

According to the latest research, obesity may be caused by a virus spread like the common cold. Check this out from foxnews.com:

Obesity can be “caught” as easily as a common cold from other people’s coughs, sneezes and dirty hands, scientists said Monday. The condition has been linked to a highly-infectious virus which causes sniffles and sore throats. Nikhil Dhurandhar, an associate professor at The Pennington Biomedical Research Center, in Baton Rouge, La., said the virus, known as AD-36, infects the lungs then whisks around the body, forcing fat cells to multiply and also causing sore throats. “When this virus goes to fat tissue it replicates, making more copies of itself and in the process increases the number of new fat cells, which may explain why the fat tissue expands and why people get fat when they are infected with this virus,” Dhurandhar said. In one test, a third of obese people had the rare and highly contagious virus compared to just 11 percent of thinner people. Weight gain can last three months until the body has built up resistance to the bug.

Check it out the entire article here.

I am comforted to know that IT IS NOT MY FAULT! I can only presume that I have a mutant strain of this virus: Fatassatosis. Won’t you join me in finding a cure? My bathing suit would appreciate it.

Forever! This series has taken forever! As is typical for me, I think something’s going to take way less time than it actually does. But I didn’t want to rush through it and make some rookie mistakes. Cartoon/Fictional Characterizations are serious business. My rep is on the line here. Okay, whatever…I just overthink things sometimes.

Part 6? Sheesh! I’m ready to stick a fork in this one, people. The following are folks that have commented on Stuff Christians Like. Their comments have either made me think, made me cry, made me laugh or simply say out loud, “Oh yeah…they went there.” Including everyone from SCL would be impossible — there are many not listed simply because I really couldn’t come up with a suitable comparision. There are others that are listed more than once because, for me, no one character association captures the essence of my perception of them. Many of them will not make sense to someone of sound mind. But this is ME you’re dealing with here. If you need clarification on any of these, or if there’s someone that is obviously missing, let me know in the comments section. These are in no particular order, and remember, animation is the highest form of flattery (or something like that).

Annie K:

Nick the Geek:

Big Al:

Perky Guy:

Stacey:

Chadwick:

Max 02:

Anonymous:

B-man:

tim m:

Stacy from Louisville:

Helen:

katdish:

Pam:

Anonymous:

B-man:

Sherri:

Jordan:

Prodigal Jon:

mistymorningmountain:

katdish:

Jeff (C3):

heartafire:

Christy:

jennym:

seth grodin:

Anonymous:

Anonymous:

Andi:

Marni:

Prodigal Jon:

Anonymous:

Beth:

Rick the Polonian:

Prodigal Jon:

Annie K:

Nick the Geek:

Hucklebuck:

Steph @ the Red Clay Diaries:

Beckey Z:

Jason S:

Anonymous:

Mare:

Max 02:

Anonymous:

Ryan B:

Marni:

daphne:

texas shawn:

mistymorningmountain:

Hucklebuck:

Stacey:

Curtis Honeycutt:

Steph @ the Red Clay Diaries:

Stacy from Louisville:

Helen:

Chuck:

Pete Wilson:

Carlos Whittaker:

daphne:

Anonymous:

Mo:

Vanities of Vanities:

Christy:

Candace Jean:

Matt @ the church of no people:

Pam:

Vanities of Vanities:(are you happy now?)

Jamie:

Pete Wilson:

JML:

Joanna:

Beth:

Matt @ the church of no people:

Sherri:

The Esteemed Reverend Acuff:

And while individually, the contributors to the comments section are hilarious, touching, smart, strange, intelligent and thought provoking, it is as a whole where I think they reach the stage of awesomeness. This is what the comments section reminds me of:

Booty, God, Booty.

I’m going to start this post with a bit of free advice. If you are a notorious procrastinator, don’t ever say, “I’m gonna do this cartoon thing, and I’m gonna post it on such and such date.” Because, you silly person, you know that your time management skills are horrible, and then you’re all pressured and whatnot, and you’ve got a little person all worried that you’re gonna compare her to some horrible cartoon character. So then you have to throw out all the funniest ones because you promised that you would be nice (which you WILL be). Plus, you have NO IDEA what your crazy friend Helen is thinking, and you start second guessing what you originally thought was pretty brilliant. But I digress…

Okay, chatty blogger gal pals, this one’s for you:

Did you see the movie Sybil? Do you remember the final scene where Sally Field and Paul Newman’s wife were sitting by the tree and all Sybil’s personalities come out one by one from behind the tree? There was one personality in particular, I can’t remember which one it was, I just remember the line. Sybil says, “Of everyone, I think I will miss you most of all.” Or maybe that was Judy Garland to the scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz”. I’m not sure…I’m really goofy tired right now. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, here’s the thing: If Hey Look a Chicken was Sybil or Judy Garland in Oz, and I was speaking for HLAC (and why wouldn’t I?), I would say that line to Helen. I love all my bloggity gal pals, but Helen is special, and I mean that in the best possible way. She just “gets” me, and that’s no small accomplishment. Plus, comparatively speaking, her and I go way back. Okay, sorry. I just wanted to put that out there.

Helen from Random Musings as Jessica Rabbit

For real this time:

Helen from Random Musings as

Dory from “Finding Nemo”

Yes, she’s incredibly random, so much so that she actually understands my humor even at its very weirdest. And she often steals the show, because she’s just that funny. But the most endearing thing about Dory (Helen), is that she genuinely cares for people, she is a loyal friend, she sees the good in people (do you remember the scene with the sharks?), and she is forgiving and humble. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

Okay, here’s an easy one. Who’s this?:

Yes. That’s right. It’s every one’s favorite pretend counselor, Dear Gabby. She also goes by the name Sherri, and several other personalities yet to surface. She’s actually pretty amusing, but if you were wondering whether to click on the crisis hot line website or Dear Gabby, I would choose Option A.

And speaking of Sherri,
Sherri at Matter of Fact as….

Okay, seriously. You could fill a Macy’s parade with all the stuff I came up with. I’ll get to the real one is a sec, but I’m gonna put just a couple out there:

Marie from The Aristocrats and (of course) Smurfette:

Incidentally, there are some VERY WEIRD PEOPLE out there with some pretty disturbing smurf fetishes. So, there’s my little public service announcement – from me to you.

AHEM! Sherri at Matter of Fact as Lucy (as in “I Love Lucy”, not Peanuts. But don’t think that one didn’t cross my mind, too!)

Mare (aka Mary Ann) from It Might Be Hope as Eliza Thornberry

Okay, people! Am I right, or am I right? Young girl travels to faraway places and champions a cause. Eliza seeks to protect and save the lives of animals, Mare works to protect and save the lives of the people of Nigeria. (I’m not quite sure where the snarky sister, weird little brother and the fully clothed, talking monkey fit in, but still.)

Annie from Buzz by Annie’s as Sandy the Squirrel from “Spongebob Squarepants”:

Really…right? But unless you have kids who read Junie B. Jones, you probably won’t get the comparison (except maybe the glasses and the red hair). But I think I’ve come up with a pretty good comparison who is more widely recognized: 2) Flo from the Progressive Insurance Commercials:

Steph/Flo: Textbook example of the Sanguine/Expressive Personality Profile. I hope you like this comparison, Steph. I think it’s pretty awesome!

I’m not going to lie. Of all the comparisons I’ve done so far, this next one is my absolute favorite. Having said that, it would be impossible to capture the comparison with just a picture. No, no…a video is an absolute must! May I present my very favorite geeky church planter chick and my very favorite cartoon character of all time:

Beth of That’s Not Me Anymore as Bessie Higginbottom from “The Mighty B”

I would like to say for the record, that the original video I posted was approximately 89% more awesome that the one here, but Viacom pulled it. But still. Bessie Rocks! And so does Beth! In case you’ve never seen an episode of the Mighty B, go to Nick.com, they have full episodes. Beth/Bessie has a heart of gold, and is not afraid to “Get her Geek on!” Go B’s, Go B’s!

According to my strict, self-imposed schedule, I’m supposed to be posting the SCL all star commenters. But dude…I’m tired. I’ll post them next time, I promise!

I’m gonna get right to this, because I have a bunch of folks to immortalize here.

First up, bloggers that were my friends before they were my blogger friends. I am not a Trekkie or a Star Wars fan. Sorry – I don’t get it. But my blog roll is awash in them! I literally had to spend minutes of in depth, painstaking research into various characters, but I think my friends are worth it!

Kris at Elephants are People Too as Dr. Beverly Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation

“She is very intelligent, passionate, and caring; she is introverted, reserved, and quiet; she has a very strong will and a sense of justice and will stand up for the underdog, even if that sometimes means going against her training as a Starfleet officer obedient church goer. She is often found playing devil’s advocate in the senior staff meetings her husband’s bible study class, though she always does so with class and sensitivity, taking the feelings and views of others into consideration.” Yeah. That works for me.

Laz from Last Row as Anakin Skywalker (before he turns to the dark side and becomes the voice of James Earl Jones)

Jude from And Jude Wonders as Kim Possible

Again, sorry — no picture. I met Jude (or Judi) several years ago and lost touch with her. I am SO very happy to say that she is a core group member of our church plant, and I gotta think that it was God’s plan all along. Another very smart person. We share the bond of having made many unwise decisions in our lives “back in the day”, but God was merciful on us both. So, why Kim Possible? Well, let’s see…hard working executive, single mom of two great kids. Oh yeah, there’s this, too: she is a Christian working for a non-profit that runs an AIDS clinic surrounded by some fairly outspoken opponents of Christianity. And while things are not always sunshine and roses, she has witnessed to her co-workers without words for years. She never shoved a bible down any one’s throat, but gained respect by the way she conducted herself. So much so, that she was actually able to share her testimony to a room full of people who actually wanted to hear it. None of them are busting our doors down on Sunday morning, but I definitely think some seeds were planted. Yeah…Kim Possible.

Julie at A Preacher’s Wife as Jessie from Toy Story 2

First I want to apologize for not posting this sooner. When I first thought of this concept, I thought it was going to be an easy-breezy little series of silliness that would fly off my fingers and into the blogosphere. But I quickly realized that a) I am not easily offended, and I sometimes like to project that particular character trait onto other people, b) the LAST thing I want to do is to personally offend anyone just to get a laugh, and c) the personalities of the people I’m featuring are way more complex than most cartoon characters. So, as I continue my silly little series, please keep in mind that whatever I happen to come up with is by no means an in-depth personality or character profile. Alrighty then? Here we go:

First up, is Pam from Life as I Know It as Junior Asparagus (what?)

Okay, hear me out on this one. Pam is very sweet; Pam is very funny; Pam is not as boisterous and loud as some other bloggers I know (unless you include her blog jukebox, but I digress…). Junior is very sweet; a little on the quiet side, but in “Dave and the Giant Pickle” this little, quiet guy turns out to be a very big hero. Pam is a licensed vocational nurse. She often requests prayer for kids and families that she knows, and I just know that those people witness the Love of Christ through her compassion. That makes her a pretty big hero in my book.

So it seems that Candy is a bit of a health nut — kind of a granola girl. (Just like me, only completely different.) The only reason I know that she is older than I am is that she tells me that I remind her of her daughter and, she said she didn’t know who Heart was but was down with Sonny and Cher. I gotta tell you, that always throws me when she says stuff like that because she just seems really young at heart (must be the green tea). She’s not quite as nutty as Phoebe, but she has her moments!

I mean, DUH! If you read my post Getcherfreakon, then you already know that I’m a fan of Audrey Hepburn. What you may not know is that I am also a fan of Jamie. Now here’s the weird part — I admire Jamie because she displays many of the qualities that I admire so much in Audrey: grace, compassion, kindness, and just a little bit of crazy quirkiness. She really should quit smoking, though…(Oh, I’m only KIDDING!) If you check my sidebar, you will notice that there are a few links to some very worthy charities. One of them is “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”. This organization provides photographers free of charge to the families of stillborn or near death infants in the hospital so that they may have a beautiful portrait of their child before they are laid to rest. Jamie and her husband Ken both volunteer their talents to this cause. Talk about classy! Who’s awesome? Jamie’s awesome!

Next up, Tim from the Wide World of Timbo as Dwight K. Schrute from “The Office”:

Why would I compare a recent college graduate, part-time barrista and youth sponsor to a slightly off balanced, crotchety old guy? I suppose to truly understand why I did this, you would have to read his blog. Jake is a Christ follower, a very thoughtful and talented writer and basically a really nice guy. However, he sometimes has a low tolerance for whiners and often poses questions (to himself and to others) that are blunt and unnerving. While some might find this offensive, I find it incredibly refreshing. I think Christians worry too much about offending people. In my opinion, if you’ve never offended anyone in the pursuit of spreading the Gospel, you’re just not trying very hard. Here’s a brief snippet from a recent post:

“I have to admit that much of what I say and do, I do because it requires people to think, and sometimes I probably cross the line, and I sort of have a reputation for doing this kind of thing, but I’m glad to do it, if it can make someone think.

I remember driving somewhere with a bunch of interns in the car once discussing how sheltered they were when it came to understanding certain cultural things, and I had to tell them,

“I will un-shelter you all!”

I wish God would do this to us, because we need to be exposed not to evil, but to the things that have been branded as such to be liberated and to freely enjoy things that we should be able to, like rock and roll, hardcore music and people who we might just think are “too bad” for us all.”

(LOVE that!)

On my cartoon blogger post featuring pastors, I neglected to mention Max from Random Thoughts bout Random Things Sometimes. I don’t know Max that well. I only know that he is recently married and is an intern worship pastor. I can only base this characterization on what he has written — both on his blog and comments on other blogs. Based on the following comment posted on Matt at the Church of No People, there is really only one comparison that comes to mind: “KATDISH IS RIGHT, something, something, something, yada, yada, yada.” No doubt, Max is destined to be among the rising stars of the modern Christian movement. Therefore, my comparison is Max and C. S. Lewis:

Shawn from Brainclutter. This one kind of stumped me, but I think I’ve got a reasonable comparison. Shawn as Lisa Simpson:

(Sorry about the teeny-tiny profile picture, that’s the best I could do!) So why Lisa Simpson? Shawn is firm in her convictions, speaks out against wrong, and is often the voice of reason in a sea of ridiculousness. I like to visit Shawn’s blog and gripe sometimes. She’s a good listener.

Carol at She Lives. While I would love to take credit for finding Carol’s blog, I will grudgingly admit that it was Steph (at the Red Clay Diaries) that found her. She is just ridiculously funny. Check out her Plunger 101 and 102 Posts — I don’t care who ya are, that’s funny right there! But alas, she plays the bass, and because I am a vocalist who hangs out with a bunch of talented musicians (my only instrumental talent is playing the tambourine — badly), I am reduced to goofy admiration. Therefore, my comparison for Carol is Tina Weymouth — bass player for the Talking Heads (Okay, she’s a real person — do you know any well known female cartoon bass players? No? I didn’t think so.)

BeckeyZ from Zimmages. I’m not quite sure how Beckey found my blog (probably how most people did; thank you Jon Acuff!) Anyway…I don’t want to reduce Beckey to just someone who takes pictures, because she’s funny and cool and all that, but DANG! she takes some good pictures! So my second real person/real person comparison is Beckey as Annie Leibowitz:

Well this has been really fun, but I think I’m ready to move on to other topics. This will be the final installment of Cartoon Bloggers…Th-th-th-that’s all folks!

OH, CHILLAX Helen! I’m just kidding. Next post: SCL Comment All-Stars, bloggers that I actually know live and in person, and a few of my favorite chatty blogger gal pals. Stay tuned!

(And just remember Sherri — Animation is the highest form of flattery…oh, wait! It’s imitation…DANG!)