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Backyard Oasis courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part 3


If you’ve been following along at home, I’ve been trying to decide on a new yardscape as a housewarming gift for all my new neighbors courtesy of a development company ripping out the lovely pasture behind our house and replacing it with a subdivision of 170 houses. In case you missed the first two options, you may can find them here:

Option 1 – The African Safari Garden Oasis
Option 2 – The Garden Oasis of Tolerance and Diversity

I think it was Winston Churchill who said, “Go big or go home.” Okay, maybe it wasn’t Churchill, but I think he gives the quote a bit more weight, don’t you?

To round out my Sky Mall backyard oasis series, I would like to present for your consideration the biggest and most well thought out (?) vignette yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…

Zombieland!

For those of you unfamiliar with this modern day classic, I have provided this trailer:

For a realistic oasis, I had to go outside the confines of the Sky Mall catalog, but let’s begin with what I found there, shall we? (Say yes.)

Zombie of Montclaire Moores Statue 3 at $89.95 each

Not for the faint of heart, this gray-toned Zombie of Montclaire Moors statue features the most zombie-like eyes you’ve ever seen. Captured in meticulous detail in quality designer resin, this zombie garden statue brings the flesh-hungry undead to your daffodil bed!

They’re certainly the most zombie-like eyes I’ve ever seen! I think at least three, don’t you think?

The Dweller Below – Large $89.95

Growing up afraid of things that “go bump in the night,” British artist Manchester gives form to the legendary boogeyman said to roam below the streets of London!

Okay, not necessarily a zombie, but good enough for me! That’s really all I could find from the Sky Mall, but a few zombie statues does not a vignette make.

Miscellaneous garden tools and shotguns (free – We’ve got plenty!)

(Woody Harrelson sold separately)

Hostess delivery truck, estimated blue book value $12,000*

*Okay, I just pulled that figure out of my head. I have no idea how much a Hostess truck costs. But isn’t it fabulous? Since the truck was featured early on in the movie, I was thinking of using it as sort of a “gateway to Zombieland”, perhaps with some pink carnations spilling out of the back to represent the much hated snowball treats scoffed at by Tallahassee.

Black Cadillac Escalade EBay $36,000

Tallahassee’s first vehicle in the movie.

Yellow Hummer EBay $29,995

I think both vehicles are necessary to make the kind of statement we’re going for, don’t you agree?

And finally, what I hope will be the focal point of this beautiful Zombieland Garden Oasis,

Ferris Wheel EBay $59,000 obo

Who can forget that final scene? I think this Ferris wheel is the perfect representation of all the valuable lessons learned in this movie.

Grand total for the Zombieland Garden Paradise: $137,354.80

I realize this particular scenario is a bit of a budget buster, but the grand total is roughly 1/3 of what the lowest price home in this new subdivision will cost. I think my new neighbors are worth it. Don’t you?

So there you have it. All three options. Me and my credit card anxiously await your final decision.

Backyard Oasis Courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of this series, you can find it here:Backyard Oasis Courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part 1

But here’s a brief recap: The acreage behind my house will soon be turned into a 170 home subdivision, and since our yard is not much to look at (unless you like wide open spaces), I thought I would treat our new neighbors with a visual delight with some help from our friends at the Sky Mall. Option 1 was African Safari Oasis.

If you’ve read this blog before, than I’m sure you’re aware that I am a Christian. But I thought to myself, do I have the right to publicly proclaim my faith to those who don’t share my belief system? I don’t recall reading anywhere in the Bible that I should be doing this. (Oh wait…maybe I did…But I digress…)

The Houston area is vastly diverse, with all cultures living in harmony. Why not have a backyard oasis to reflect this fact? Ladies and gentlemen, I submit for your approval Option 2,

The Garden Oasis of Tolerance and Diversity:

I thought I would start with a few Greek gods scattered about the property. Sadly, Zeus is not available, but this guy is:

Poseidon: God of the Sea $350.00

The muscular god of the sea holds his famed trident and stands astride his symbolic triple dolphin in our exclusive, grand-scale sculpt. This Italian-inspired, 18th-century replica exudes the power attributed to one of the fabled gods of mythology.

We don’t have a pool as pictured, but sometimes we get some puddles after a heavy rain.

Goddess Aurora Statue (Estate) $450.00

Balancing atop her grand plinth, our statue is based on a classic 19th-century sculpture of the goddess Aurora that once crowned an elegant garden fountain.

“Hebe, the Goddess of Youth” Statue $395.00

Artist Bertel Thorvaldsen truly captured the eternal beauty of youth with his sculptural likeness of Hebe, cupbearer of the Greek gods. (She’s probably fun at keggers, too.)

And speaking of ancient civilizations, I thought it would be a good idea to have my Asian ancestors represent:

The Enlightened Buddha Statue $135.00

Floating on a stylized lotus, this nearly 3 1/2-foot-tall Buddha sculpture arrives like a refreshing breeze with his calm countenance and endless serenity.

Who among you couldn’t use some endless serenity? I’d be all up in that. But some prefer a happier, jollier Buddha, so I thought I throw this guy in, too:

Jolly Hotei Buddha Statue $115.00

What better friend to have than one who changes all the sorrows of the world into happiness? It is tradition to rub the belly of over two-foot-tall Asian work of art for joy, his ear lobes for wisdom, and the gold in his hands for wealth.

Then I figured, if one jolly fat guy makes you smile, the more the merrier:

“Basho the Sumo Wrestler” Sculpture $95.00

Basho crouches in his mawashi (Sumo belt) in these intricate sculpts with wide stances.

I’m gonna be honest. My Japanese is a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure “Basho” loosely translates into “Tons of Fun”.

“Easter Island Moai Monolith” Statues $98.95

Inspired by the 380 A.D. originals
Assumed to be depictions of local chiefs, heroes or gods, the giant statues on Easter Island are some of the world’s most intriguing archaeological artifacts
.

I’m not exactly sure anyone still worships these giant heads, but I’ve always been a fan of the unibrow.

Rhiannon the Archer Fairy $295.00

In a classic sculptural pose, our traditional work of European garden art depicts a beautiful archer drawing back to let her arrow fly.

What’s that you say? People don’t worship fairies? You’ve obviously never been to the Renaissance Festival…

And just because I wanted to add a little mystery and whimsy to the vignette, you know him, you love him:

“Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti” Statue $98.95

With alleged Bigfoot sightings the world over, from the Himalayas to the Americas, this elusive, mythical legend has been captured for Toscano in a quality designer resin statue and hand-painted for startling realism.

Startling realism? Did Sasquatch pose for this statue? Hmmm….

This brings today’s Garden Oasis Option grand total of $2,032.90. But seriously, can you put a price on tolerance and diversity? Me thinks not…

Tomorrow I will conclude this series with one final option. I know…you’re welcome.

Backyard Oasis courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part One

I consider the neighborhood where I live to be ideal. Let me rephrase that. I used to consider the neighborhood where I live to be ideal. It’s close to everything, but once you drive back here, it’s like you’re living in the country. The lots are an acre or more, there are no sidewalks or streetlights and the neighbors are neighborly. Best of all, the back of our lot backed up to some woods and a field of cattle. I remember sitting on the back porch at night and hearing coyotes and all manner of wildlife. That may not sound appealing to some, but I liked it.

Since we built here several years ago, the woods have been replaced by a subdivision, but until recently we still had our cattle neighbors. Now it seems a developer has made the owner of the adjacent property a offer too good to refuse. Soon the field behind me will be replaced with 170 homes. I’m not thrilled about it, but since I want to be neighborly, I got the idea of fixing up our rather boring backyard into a bit of an oasis for the new neighbors for enjoy. I know…I’m a giver. Here’s what our back yard currently looks like:


Not exactly visually appealing. Oh, sure the blue pressure tank and the 55 gallon drum we use to burn trash are lovely, just not “fancy”. I want to give our new neighbors some fancy. And I need your help.

My good friends at the Sky Mall have a plethora of fantastical yard art just waiting to put me in unrecoverable debt. The problem is, there’s so much to choose from! This is where you come in. Please give my your opinion which theme you think best suits my back yard:

Option 1: African Safari

That’s a pretty sizable backyard, and the summers here are what I like to call “Africa hot”. This option makes sense in so many ways.

Zairen the Zebra Sculpture $235.00

This exceptional work of art lends a touch of exotic flair to even the most domestic setting!…Imagine your guests’ expressions at spying this meticulously hand-painted, bold black-and-white Toscano exclusive in a flowerbed or along a garden path!

“Kalahari” Meerkat Statues $19.95 to $34.95 (not sure whether the butt or the head is more expensive)

We’ve little doubt why meerkats recently became beloved screen stars–they’re adorable! Our spirited sculptures busily climb “in through the out door” in this imaginative Design Toscano exclusive, two-part sculpt cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted in realistic tones for your home and garden.

“Lioness of Namibia” Statue by artist Samuel Lightfoot $125.00

Transform your home or garden into an exotic paradise with our regal lioness…Lightfoot’s big cat sculpture will securely stretch languidly atop your mantel, garden wall or outdoor tree branch (I’m a big fan of languid security.)

“Mombasa, the Garden Giraffe” $995.00

At almost 8 feet tall, it’s the largest garden sculpture we’ve ever offered!
If you really want your garden to be noticed, Mombasa, our almost 8-foot-tall designer resin giraffe, is sized to impress! Since there’s no hiding this realistically hand-painted, exclusive sculpture, even amidst your tall trees and hedges, your neighbors are sure to be surprised when Mombasa moves in next door. For ornamental use only.
(As opposed to what?

There you have it. Option One for a grand total of $1,409.90 (plus shipping and handling). Tomorrow I will have a guest post, then on Thursday I will present at least 2 more options for you to choose from. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, why don’t you check out some of these wonderful items yourselves at skymall.com. And tell them katdish sent you.

Then again, maybe just leave my name out of it…

What’s that you say? You’ve never read a katdish Sky Mall Post before? Well, you don’t even know me! Here they are, in all their glory:

Blog Fodder First in a Series!

Katdish Holiday Gift Guide Part 2

Katdish Holiday Gift Guide Part 3

Katdish Holiday Gift Guide Part 4

Tuesdays with Sky Mall

One More Thing

The New Sky Mall’s Here! The New Sky Mall’s Here!

From Hair to Eternity: The Summer Sky Mall Post

Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide Part 2 (Repost)

As we learned in the first installment of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide, nothing exceeds like excess. And since Thanksgiving is now a distant memory, there’s no doubt that there are only a few among you who have yet to decorate your humble abodes in holiday splendor. Let us proceed with some clever gift ideas for everyone on your buying list this year.

For the Over-Indulgent Parent:

While phrases like, “It’s more important what’s on the inside than what’s on the outside” are all well and good for less attractive children, your little princess deserves only the very best! “Add an attractive and useful addition to your little girl’s room with this daisy pastel vanity. It is a perfect furniture for their make-up, brushes, barrettes and jewelries. It maximizes the space in their room while keeping their fashion accessories organized.” ($189.99)

Stuffed animals are a dime a dozen. If those tiny Webkins and Shining Star animals are all the rage, just imagine how grateful your kids will be when they see this bad boy under the tree! Our gorgeous Giraffe makes a big statement. Featuring soft and cuddly plush and life-like features this beauty is sure to be family favorite for years to come. Featuring premium plush and an internal frame to keep upright. Giraffe filled with synthetic fibers. Size 22″l x 14″w x 59.5″h, Weight 12 lbs. Imported. (Age 3+)” (99.99)

Has your little train engineer grown tired of playing with his Thomas the Train railroad set? I mean, sure — buying the complete set may have put you back a few grand, but how can you put a price on childhood memories? Let him experience the thrill of riding the rails with his very own Lionel Pedal Train! Train includes all-steel construction, adjustable pedals, chrome bell, realistic locomotive sounds, padded seat, and beautiful finish. Ride-on maximum capacity of 100 lbs. Seat to pedal 16-19″. Size 46″l x 18″w x 25″h, Weight 39 lbs. Imported. (Age 2-6) Please note the weight limit of 100 lbs. — not recommended for fat kids. ($319.99)

Isn’t it cute when other parents brag about how their little Johnny got an “A” in science class? You could point out to them that their kid is in regular classes while yours is in the “gifted and talented” program, but that would be condescending. Just invite them over the next time your kid pulls out his Fuel Cell Car and Experiment. “Winner of the Silver Award from the Parents Choice Foundation, this experiment kit gives children a fun, hands-on way to discover fuel cells, one of the most significant technologies of the 21st century. This kit makes 30 distinct experiments, including a car that uses solar power and a fuel cell to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen by electrolysis, and then runs on the resulting energy. Experiments cover electrolysis and its effect on water, how to construct and load a reversible fuel cell, decomposition of water in a fuel cell, and many others. Contains all necessary parts, tools, and a lab manual (distilled water not included). Ages 12 and up. Made in Germany. 5-1/2″ H x 5″ W x 8″ L. (1 lb.)” ($149.95)


It’s tons of fun for kids to spend a day at the amusement park or water slide. But let’s face it, places like that are often frequented by some pretty undesirable folks. Why not let your kids enjoy the essence of the park without exposing them to the seedier elements of society?

Thrill Zone includes a bouncing area with netted sidewalls, a climbing wall with handles and footholds, a water slide with side rails, a pool at the slide landing, and a tunnel. Top arch with sprinkler system. Entrance ramp with Velcro closure. Durable PVC unit includes water bags and stakes for added stability, and a 110volt blower pump. 228″ L x 92″ W x 81″ H. Weight limit 100 lbs. per section (500 lbs. total).($699.99)


I can already hear some of you now, “Kat, I don’t have any human kids, aren’t you forgetting about our little four-legged variety?” Well, of course not! This next section is just for you.

For The Over-Indulgent Pet Owner

Since many reading this are now experiencing cold weather, it seems cruel to expect little Bella or Baxter to brave the elements just because they have to tinkle! Even those of us who are still enjoying milder weather would agree that taking a dog out in the humid, damp air would be disastrous to their newly coiffed and groomed coats! That’s why I love this next product, the Indoor Dog Restroom. This mat and tray system gives dogs a place to relieve themselves when they can’t go outside for a respite. This ingenious system uses a mat made of antimicrobial, porous artificial turf that gives off an organic scent to attract dogs, so they can be taught quickly that it is an acceptable spot for relieving themselves. The tray is easy to empty and can hold up to 2 gallons of liquid. Sure, to the casual observer it looks like a door mat on a cookie sheet, but you and I know better! ($149.95, replacement mat $64.95)

Don’t worry cat lovers, I haven’t forgotten you! How many times have you said to yourself, “That big, stinky litter box seems so crude! Doesn’t my cat deserve the dignity of using her very own toilet?” Well, of course she does! For hands-free cat box care, you can’t beat the Cat Genie. Just press a button and the world’s most advanced litter box flushes away cat waste, then washes, sanitizes and dries the entire area. You can even preset the controls to do it automatically every day. ($299.99)


We’ve covered a couple of products to make your favorite canine or feline feel like part of the family, but what about your fish? Don’t you imagine that they get kind of lonely way over on the back wall away from direct sunlight? Treat Bubbles to his new home right in the middle of the action with his very own Aqua Coffee Table. After all, fish have feelings too! ($529.95)

That conclude this edition of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide. I know many of you are hankerin’ to go online and start your shopping, but wait…there’s more to come. For those of you who want to beat the Christmas rush on these items and choose to order today, make sure to tell them at Sky Mall that Katdish sent you…

On second thought, maybe you should leave my name out of it.

Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Repost)

In honor of my friend Mare’s birthday, I have decided to repost a portion of my very first Sky Mall post. Because Mare loves the Sky Mall! Now, I realize that this post features Christmas decor, but seriously people – it’s October already! Retailers are already dragging out the politically correct holiday muzak, garland and fake trees. Why not get a head start on the holiday rush?

Happy Birthday Mare!:

A funny thing happens when you write a blog (for me, anyway). Everyday, seemingly mundane experiences, in the hands of a seasoned blogging veteran (going on 8 months now – “I’ve come a long way, baby!”), are a never ending source for blog fodder. So what do you think I’m going to write about? What, pray tell, is the focus of this particular post? Well, silly! It’s Sky Mall!

For those of you who are not familiar with Sky Mall , it is a delightful little catalog that can be found in the seat pockets of most commercial airplanes. It is a literal extravaganza of a bunch of overpriced crap that nobody needs. How truly American! Truth be told, this catalog was such a wealth of material that I am forced to write a series of posts. I sense that you are all giddy with anticipation, so let me begin.

Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide! (Part One)

Oh, what to give this year? Most of us have so much that we are either stuffing our closets, attics and basements to the brim or are looking for ways to get rid of the items that no longer have the sparkly shimmer of newness. But because I realize nothing says “I love you the most” like an overpriced gift, I am endeavoring to provide some gift ideas for even the most discriminating person on your Christmas list. For your shopping convenience, I have categorized items by the potential recipient of such extravagant awesomeness.

Let’s kick things off with the most important person on your gift giving guide. Namely YOU! And what better way to get everyone in the holiday spirit than some over-the-top seasonal yard art?

Tacky Holiday Decor

Nativity Set: What better way to express the true meaning of Christmas than a full color, pre-lit, blinged out Nativity Scene? Show all your neighbors that you heart Sweet Baby Jesus! And at the low, low price of $579.94 for the entire set, you might even consider buying one for your heathen neighbor.

Pre-Lit Bethlehem Star: If you’ve decided to purchase the Nativity Set, then all your neighbors are sure to see just how holy you are. But are you missing out on an opportunity to witness to those who may be traveling past your house via low flying aircraft? Never fear, this “majestic 7′ x 10′ tall lighted Bethlehem star creates a beautiful display on your roof that is sure to capture your neighbor’s attention!” A mere $59.99

I don’t know about you, but nothing brings back sweet, childhood Christmas memories like “a giant inflatable, illuminated, animated 14′ long Christmas train!” When it comes to capturing the magic of Santa Claus and the little child in all of us, I say the bigger the better! ($199.99)

I grew up in an era before cable, satellite television and Tivo. One of the things I looked forward to each Christmas was sitting down in front of the old, 300 pound wooden box with a screen inside of it and watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. That’s why when I saw “Brightly colored hammered steel brings Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Sally and Snoopy to life right in your front yard!”, I knew it must be mine! ($199.99)

Looking for a way to frame your beautiful display of twinkly, Christmas cheer? May I suggest the Lighted, walk-thru 3-D Archway. “Welcome to your holiday “portal”! Archway’s metal-mesh frame is adorned with 400 pre-strung multi-color mini-lights for a brilliant color display at night. 129″ x 89″ tall overall.” ($149.99)

By now, some of you must be thinking, “Ah, Katdish! How pedestrian! I’ve seen all this before. How can I express my love of Christmas yet still maintain my sense of flair; my “razzle dazzle” if you will? Look no further. “Moving Hollywood-style Searchlights – with music . Two independently swiveling projectors cast large images that dance all over your home’s exterior from over 30′ away. Meanwhile, it plays your choice of 25 songs (20 Christmas, 4 Halloween, plus Happy Birthday) to add to the festivities.” ($139.99) I didn’t even know there was one Halloween song, let alone four!

And since you’ve invested wisely in your beautiful, festive yet tasteful holiday wonderland, wouldn’t it be great if you put all your neighbors on notice? “While waving one arm and moving one leg, this snowman stands atop a countdown clock much like that used at NASA for shuttle launches!” Let all those slackers know just how long they have to redeem themselves and their sparsely decorated yards! ($139.99)

So, there you have it. With a little help from our friends at Sky Mall, you can make your neighbors green with envy and your heathen friends red with shame as they behold your holiday yard in all its glowing glory.

We’re off to a great start! In my next entry, we will explore some fantastic gift ideas for your friends, family and business associates. Until then, remember that as long as you still have checks, you are never truly overdrawn, and that Christmas shopping is just the kind of “emergency” that your financial adviser was telling you about when he or she suggested you apply for a major credit card.

From Hair to Eternity – The Summer Skymall Post

Oh, gentle reader! It’s been too long since my last Sky Mall post! Oh sure, I’m all for the occasional serious post and lest we forget my fabulous guest bloggers and tomorrow’s twitter extravaganza…

But I have neglected you, dearest Sky Mall! How could I go so long without paying homage to you: Giant book of overpriced, unnecessary crap practically begging me to make fun of you? Here it is the middle of the summer, and there’s no doubt piles of disposal income just lying around waiting to be spent! Right? Right? Okay, maybe not…whatever…

Hair is an amazing thing. (Nice segue, huh?) As mammals, we all have varying degrees of it. But we never seem content. We have too much in some places and not enough in others. This has not escaped the attention of the fine folks at the Sky Mall.

R.E.M. Spring Hair Remover $19.95

Do I really need to explain what this thing is? It’s basically a really tightly coiled spring that rips your facial hair out in a completely “pain free” manner. Yeeeaaah. Sure it does. Does it work? Just ask this satisfied Sky Mall customer:

“Wonderful gadget/tool. I’ve told many friends about this and they each plan to purchase one. I’ll be giving them for holidays gifts this year!”

Merry Christmas Aunt Margaret! Thought you might enjoy this as you are beginning to look like Uncle Phil!

And speaking of Uncle Phil, perhaps he might enjoy:

The Hairmax Laser Comb $495.00

“In a clinical study, HairMax treated hair loss and regrew hair for 93% of those who used it. HairMax users also report improved quality, shine and manageability.”

Don’t believe me? Check out THESE results!:

M’kay…I suppose that’s worth 500 bucks plus shipping and handling. Dear menfolk losing your hair: Keep your hair short. If you have a nice looking head, trying shaving it. Just say no to the comb over. Please?

“But katdish! You don’t understand! You have thick, wonderful hair! How can you stand in judgement?” Because I’m katdish…that’s what I do. Okay, okay…check this out:

Toppik Hair Building Fibers $21.95

Toppik Makes Thin Hair Look Thick and Natural in 30 Seconds over 2 Million People Use It. Doctors Recommend it. Celebrities Won’t go on Without it. Now you can instantly eliminate the appearance of baldness and thinning hair. Toppik gives you greater coverage and a thick, full looking head of hair all in about 30 seconds!


I’m no scientist or chemist, but I’m pretty sure this is similar to the “sea monkey principle”. (Don’t ask…I just know these things.)

By now you have a great head of hair. So you are no longer self-conscious about getting that hair wet! Time to hit the pool and get some exercise!

Endless Pool $20,900.00

“Our signature product, the Original Endless Pool is designed to fit just about anywhere, indoors or outside…This flexibility has allowed more than 12,000 customers to realize the dream of swimming at home in an Original Endless Pool.”

Wow! Twelve thousand customers? If I had a dollar for every satisfied customer, I still wouldn’t have enough money to buy that pool! I’m guessing you don’t either. No worries, you can still enjoy the cardiovascular benefits of swimming with this next product:

The AquaVee Portable Swim System Kit $84.90


“An easy to install system that turns any pool into a lap pool. The AquaVee installation time takes about 60 seconds and can be used anytime anywhere! The AquaVee is extremely portable and will fit any pool no matter the size.”

Now, I realize to the untrained eye, this looks like some surgical tubing, suction cups and a tube of silicon, but trust me….That’s exactly what it is.

This next catalog item I chose for a couple of reasons. First, the picture is pretty freaky, and second, I’m wondering why that guy didn’t buy the Hairmax Laser Comb. Don’t you think he could afford it? Me thinks, yes…

Executive Health Evaluation: $3,495.00

Experience a day-long, 5-star treatment at one of our beautiful contemporary Centers…(blah, blah, blah….)

Benefits may include: (may include? Craptastic!)

Decreased risk of age-related disease
Improved muscle tone
Decreased body fat
Increased energy
Increased libido (wink, wink!)
Sharper thinking (so maybe you won’t spend 3500 bucks on a fancy doctor’s appointment!)

The final item up for review has nothing to do with anything really. It just made me giggle:

Giddyup! Core Exerciser – Dual Motor $469.00


“The Giddyup! Core Exerciser is the latest innovation in core strength training! This core exerciser benefits posture, improves balance, builds core strength and has up to 25 speed combinations.”

“The trotting and galloping action of a horse helps strengthen the rider’s spine and pelvic muscles, improves posture and stimulates seldom-used core muscles, in the dorsal and abdominal regions. This product also invigorates the body, promotes good blood flow, and an increased metabolism.”

I’m going to be honest. If they could get Debra Winger to reprise her role as Sissy in Urban Cowboy, mount that thing with a cowboy hat and a Lone Star Beer, I’d have my Visa card out right now…

Seriously…am I the only one giggling? Okay…whatever…

The New Skymall’s Here! The New Skymall’s Here!

Oh yesh! It is the much anticipated (by Mare) Skymall Post – Geeky Blogger Edition! For my new readers (both of you), I have written previous Skymall posts, and may I humbly say, that they rate right up there with my pornographic cheese buttler posts. They are THAT good! You can check them out here:
Blog Fodder: First in a Series! (Tacky Holiday Decor)
Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Part 2) (The over-indulgent parent/pet owner)
Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Part 3) (Akward Star Wars Geek/the one where I make fun of Jeff and Tamara)
Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Part 4) (Singing and Talking Elvis/Slanket)
Tuesdays with Skymall (Delusions of Grandeur Sports Fan/Germophobe)

I know you’re time is valuable. If you read ONLY one of these, I would go with the Talking and Singing Elvis post. To quote the late Dudley Moore from the movie “Crazy People”, “It won’t just scare you, it will (bad word) you up for life!”

I think this post is fairly amusing, but probably not in the same league as the holiday guides. In my defense, I would just like to say that I wrote those posts during the holiday season, and nothing brings out my passive/aggressive sarcasm “A” game like spending quality time with extended family. Disclaimers aside, may I present Skymall: The Geeky Blogger Edition!:

The Revolutionary Portable Laptop Table:

sky mall portable laptop table

“Our new revolutionary Portable Laptop Table is your key to comfortable computing at home or on the road. Perfect for business travelers, this gem is unique in its ability to properly position your laptop for reclined computing. Use in bed, on a sofa or a reclining chair. Fully adjustable to maximize comfort while in use, the laptop table helps to relieve neck and back pain, and allows for the correct placement of your arms for easy use of your computer. ($119.95)”

How many times do you think the word “revolutionary” is used in the Sky Mall Catalog? If I had a nickel for every time they used that word, I’d probably be able to afford some of that overpriced crap. Although, I must admit, having one of those would be pretty sweet. The only thing lacking is a Big Gulp cup holder on the side and a detachable bedpan. Then it would be slacktacular perfection! Alas, my heart belongs to Dave!

The Tech-Savvy Travel Mug:

sky mall tech savvy travel mug
On the road or at your desk, keep your beverage hot!
“Keep coffee or tea deliciously hot with this tech-savvy travel mug. In the car it plugs into a power port with the included 12 -volt adapter; at a computer it plugs into the USB port. Double-walled, stainless-steel construction, UL-approved heat control, spill-proof lid. A rubber cap seals the input jack for easy washing. Holds 16 oz. Available in Black, Red or Blue. ($19.99)”

Wouldn’t you just be the envy of all the folks in your favorite overpriced coffee shop with your very own tech-savvy travel mug that plugs directly into your laptop? And as an added bonus, they are available in colors to match your favorite official Star Trek officer uniform! (Win-win.)

The Mobile Edge Wi-Fi Signal Locator:

sky mall Mobile Edge Wi-Fi Signal Locator
“The Mobile Edge WiFi Signal Locator (SL) is the smallest and most convenient way to check for hot spots without going through the tedious process of having to first boot-up your notebook and then search for a signal. By attaching the WiFi SL to your key chain or carrying case you will always be immediately aware of the presence of local hot spots! ($29.99)”

This futuristic looking item ALSO looks really cool with your favorite Star Trek officer uniform. (Win-win-win.)

The Laptop Necklace:

sky mall laptop necklace

NEW! This portable desk makes your laptop truly mobile.
“When you have work to do, having no place to sit is no longer a problem. Now you can use your laptop standing or even walking with this portable desk. This clever invention adjusts to allow any size laptop to work on the go for any size person, short or tall. Anti-skid surface. Fits inside most computer bags. Made from 100% recycled plastic. 1 lb. 6 oz. ($39.99)”

 

Here’s one review from a VERY satisfied customer:

Pros: comfortable, flattering, conversation starter, never miss an important email
Cons: absolutely none

“Since I rarely find myself at home this Laptop Necklace has made my life so much easier. Now I can do all difficult the tasks, like email, paying bills, surfing the web, on the go. With the portable desk I can get work done from anywhere. It is possible to engage in activities such as golf, walking my dog, tanning, and even eating out in restaurants while using this fabulous device. I would highly recommend this to all executive, especially the homeless type.”

Ummm….yeah. (But I’m sure it looks good on you, Nick…)
(NOTE: Coat hanger and tin foil festooned helmet not included.)

The following item has nothing to do with computers or electronics. I just thought it was one of those “segue scooter” type products – sort of cool as long as you don’t have to actually see yourself use it:

The SkyRest Travel Pillow ($29.95)

sky mall travel pillow

Seriously, if you sit next to me on an airplane and pull this thing out of your carry-on luggage, I want you tell you this ahead of time because I don’t think I’ll be able to breath, let alone speak: “I’m sorry. I can’t help myself sometimes. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing beside you. That thing is ridiculous. Oh, and you’re drooling.)

Hope you liked this post. There’s many more where that came from. The Skymall Catalog: the gift of blog fodder that keeps on giving!

One more thing…

On my way home from Atlanta, I spied yet another Skymall catalog. For my new readers, you may want to search this blog for “Skymall”. It will be delightful, I’m sure.

Anyhoo…I had already given Steph and Jon autographed copies of the Skymall catalog during my trip to the great state of Georgia. However, I felt compelled to leave a gift to the friendly skies:


(I also wrote my URL address on it.)

That’s right, people. I spammed an airplane.

And yes, I am currently working on another installment of the Skymall series. I know you are all breathless with anticipation…

Unbelieveable: This is NOT Butter!

So, I got an email last week from Jon Acuff. Actually, it was a reply to an email that I sent him earlier which, among other things, shamlessly hyperlinked a post I wrote about Sky Mall Catalog. Anyway…his reply was to let me know that he would be linking that post to his post, The hate mail mongoose (Or the pastor’s gift guide). Needless to say, I was pretty excited about the possibility of all those hits on my blog. (Why I would be excited about such self-aggrandizement* is something I should probably pray about.) But regardless, I began to think of ways to write a post that would be more “Jon Acuffish”. But then it occurred to me that the reason I like “Stuff Christians Like” so much is that it’s Jon being Jon. Funny, transparent, often profound, often gooberish Jon. So, for me, trying to write something like an SCL post would be as pathetic as the knock-off grocery store margarines trying to imitate “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” with products like “You’d Think It’s Butter!”, or “Butter, It’s Not!”, or “Tastes Like Butter!”, or, my new personal favorite from my peeps on my mother’s side of the family: “Unbelieveable…This is not butter!” (Note the extra “e” in “unbelieveable” –That just CRACKS ME UP!) Sorry, I’m easliy amused.


Where was I? Oh yeah, the blog post. In the end, I just decided to do what I always do, which is write about whatever I happen to be thinking about at the time, which was, not surprisingly, Sky Mall. It wasn’t my favorite of the series, but I worked all day (painting for a new client) and I was tired and it really takes me a long time to cut and paste all those pictures (waa, waa, waa). I probably should have just left well enough alone — I actually really liked “Diary of a Mad Black Wiener Dog”, the post from the day before. (Which, incidentally I wrote in Google Docs, posted to my blog then immediately saved it as a draft because I wanted to schedule it for the following morning.) I only tell you that as an amusing (or not) aside because my crazy friend Helen managed to post a comment within the nano-second it was up on my blog that was funnier than the original post. But I digress…

I know a whole lot of people all over the world read “Stuff Christians Like”, but I had NO IDEA how many hits that hyperlink would generate! Now, I have enough of a grasp on reality to realize that the vast majority of people either read the post and said, “Eh…”, or saw my half-face profile view and said, “Oh no, not THAT smart *ss!” But for those of you who liked the post enough to be back for more today, I just want to say:

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P. S. – For the record, if you’re wondering which of the Sky Mall posts was my favorite, I’ll tell you. Honestly, I like the first four very much. Like a mother with more than one child I would have to say, “they’re all my favorites for different reasons.” But if I were pressed, I would have to say that the Creepy Elvis post was my favorite for two reasons. The first being that for Sky Mall to promote that product is akin to leaving an ice cream truck unattended at a Weight Watchers convention — way too tempting. They were practically begging me to make fun of it. But the main reason I love that post is because it also featured another product called “The Slanket” and frankly, I LOVE saying that word! Slanket, slanket, SLANKET! (Like I said, I’m easily amused.)

P. P. S. – Angela, if you’re reading this, I’m afraid this post might edge out yours for the most hyperlink codes in a single blog post. And because you were the lone SCL commenter who came to my rescue in my hour of need, you deserve all the credit or the blame — depending on your perspective.

*A big shout out to Tim Keller for introducing me to the word “self-aggrandizement”. Cause I’m pretty sure he reads my blog…(yeeee-ah, right.)

Okay…that’s all I got. Thanks for your time. I know you’ve got other blogs to read! If you’re looking for some really good ones, just check out the ones on my sidebar — I dig ’em the most!

Tuesdays with Sky Mall

Due to overwhelming reader response (and by “overwhelming reader response” I mean Mare said she was sad I wasn’t going to blog about it anymore), I have reconsidered my decision about my Sky Mall gift guide, Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide Parts One, Two, Three and Four. Since there are so few shopping days until to Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, and of course the beloved Festivus, this won’t be so much a holiday gift guide as it will be my expert recommendations about all things Sky Mall. So, without further adieu, here are my next recommendations:

For the Delusions of Grandeur Sports Fanatic:

While your favorite ex-high school football, basketball, baseball or hockey star may seem perfectly content to relive his glory days eating pork rinds, drinking a cold beverage and watching ESPN while curled up in a slanket on his favorite recliner, wouldn’t he be the envy of all his buddies if you were to give him one of these fine items?:

The “Actual Un-retouched Photo of Me before the unfortunate groin injury” Photo Collage:
sky mall locker room jerseys

Surround yourself in action with four top players from your favorite NFL team. Your last name appears on the back of your favorite NFL team jersey and your full name appears as the #1 draft pick. This 11″H x 14″W print is handsomely framed and ready to hang. All NFL teams available (players and numbers may vary). Up to 12 characters for jersey name and 18 characters for first and last name. ($89.99)

The Official Collectibles Company of the New York Yankees Base:
These official bases were used during actual games played at the most famous venue in all of sports. Get your hands on some of the rarest of all collectibles! Comes with a Steiner Sports Certificate of Authenticity.
($999.99) A bargain at half the price!
sky mall ny yankees base

Lebron James Framed Dynasty Collage
Catch the moment with four great 8×10 photographs of NBA phenom Lebron James. Each 8×10 photograph is double-matted and includes a full color nameplate commemorating the 2004 NBA Rookie of the Year. Approximate size: 18.25″x42″.
($150.00) Note: Lebron James and his legal team not included.

sky mall lebron james
NHL Customized 13″H x 16″W x 1″D Framed Print – Premium. Comes displayed with premium wood frame which is step molded wood with a mahogany finish. ($89.99) Coupon for free dental work for the first 100 orders!
sky mall nhl framed print
For the Hypochondriac Germophobe:

Most of us wash our hands when we’re supposed to and attempt to live a reasonably healthy lifestyle. But why not pay homage to those among us who have raised personal cleanliness to a true art form?

The “Keep Your Distance” Bug Zapper:

Do you have ANY IDEA how many diseases the common house fly can carry? With this handy little device, you’ll never even have to come in contact with them: This cordless insect vacuum quickly captures bugs from up to 2′ away. Flies, bees, spiders, and other insects are suctioned by a 22,400-rpm motor, sending the insect through a one-way valve in the extension tube to an electric grid in the handle that instantly kills the pest. ($49.95)

sky mall bug zapper

The Germ Eliminating Knife Block:
This knife block uses safe UV-C light–the same technology used in hospitals to kill surface bacteria on instruments–to eliminate 99.99% of food bacteria and viruses from cutlery in 20 seconds. The ultraviolet bulb sanitizes knives up to 8 3/4″ long from tip to bolster, killing pathogens like salmonella, listeria, and staphylococcus to help prevent cross contamination and food borne illness. ($89.95) Wow! The “same technology used in hospitals to kill surface bacteria.” That’s reassuring — I’ve never heard of anyone getting an infection at a hospital.
sky mall germ eliminating knife block

The Hand held steam cleaner:

This Antimicrobial Hand-held Steam Cleaner sanitizes surfaces and floors for up to seven days by integrating antibacterial solution into the powerful steam to keep surfaces clean for up to a week. This European-designed, all-in-one steam cleaner uses an ingenious new patented process with push-button ease. ($99.99) Not recommended for use on children and pets.

sky mall hand held steamer

Oh, there’s so much more in this delightful little catalog of ridiculous excess! I could go on, but I’m tired and I’ve missed the last two tivo’ed episodes of “The Office”. So, until next time, remember that just because there’s a downturn in economy and many worthy charities will no doubt see a big decrease in donations this year, that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want you live a life of victory with lots, and lots of stuff!

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