Howdy, folks! It seems I’ve temporarily come out of retirement to do a couple of small painting jobs. I painted all day yesterday, and will be painting most of the day today. Creative writing must temporarily take a backseat to other creative endeavors–the kind that I actually get paid for. Hope you don’t mind leftovers. For those of you who missed this post the first time around, here’s a glimpse into how my mind works. Be afraid….be very afraid
(Subtitled: Why my laundry still isn’t finished)
With the full understanding that leaving the house today is on the agenda, you decide to wear something a bit more formal than the fuzzy polka dot pajama pants and the bright green “Whose Your Daddy?” t-shirt.
Attempts to find a pair of clean jeans prove futile. Instead, you hastily decide on a pair of red cotton capris circa 2001 and a peasant type t-shirt the same color as Oscar the Grouch. A gigantic claw hair clip and black flip flops complete the ensemble. Make a mental note that the laundry fairy has ignored numerous requests. Drastic measures must be taken.
After “errands”, i.e. – getting your kids out of the house before they drive you to drink, you reluctantly return home and begin tackling the huge piles of laundry.
Lots of random things happen, you manage to wash and dry 2 loads of whites and 2 loads of jeans. Hang up jeans and begin sorting underwear and socks.
End up with an inordinately high number of mismatched socks. Suspect the dog has found a “special place” for their sock mates.
Decide to put the socks in a basket on top of the dryer. Hate this idea because how are you supposed to remember which socks are in there? You may throw their sockmate right in the same basket, and that ain’t right.
Begin to feel bad for the socks. Serenade the socks with the 3 Dog Night Hit, “One”. “One…..is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know. Two can be as bad as one, it’s the loneliest number since the number one, Ahhhh Ewwww!”
Frustrated that you have no fabulous ideas about how to store the socks until reunited with their drawer mates, your mind begins to wander…
You notice a metal sign that you bought at Ross on the clearance aisle a couple of months ago. It says “Children are the anchors that hold a mother’s heart.” Which you hate, because it reminds you of that children’s book “The Giving Tree”, which makes you want to leg drop that selfish little kid/man in that book. But, it was 2 bucks, and there’s no law saying you have to keep that dumb saying on there once you own it free and clear, now is there?
Get the Goo-Off and scraper from your handy dandy tool bag and get to gettin’ on that quote. Oh, yeah. At this point, the wheels are turning in that little ADD mind of yours. You have begun the actual labor portion of the creative process.
While the Goo-Off soaks in a bit, you manage to get the SWSO’s (socks with significant others) and the miscellaneous unmentionables (underwear) safely to their assigned drawers. (HA! Underwear humor.)
Over the next 2 days, hem and haw over what kind of lettering you want to use on your “sock sign”. Waste an incredible amount of time and energy on this.
Finally decide on the size and type of lettering. Print out new quote, and put on sign using a stylus and transfer paper. Fill in letters with paint pen. Clear coat.
Hot glue clothespins to sign.
Hang sign above dryer, hang sock singles on clothespins.
Stand back and admire your work. You are pleased, but something is missing.
More random things happen — New Year’s Eve party, etc.
Friends come over for dinner. You show them your work. Since they are weird like you, they like the sign very much.
Moments later, one of your friends gives you an idea that will be the “piece de la resistance” to your sock sign.
After your friends leave, you immediately begin working on the final piece of your sign. It takes only a few minutes, but you are well pleased.
As a matter of fact, you’d go so far as to say that it was…