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Twitter Update No. 66 – Lawsome

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Yeppers. Twitter update number 66. Apparently, I have a lot to say. A real mixed bag of nuts on the twitter this week: baseball, Walmart and a dreaded neighborhood garage sale. Also, approximately 28,000 tweets which mysteriously disappeared have now returned. Perhaps I can publish them in a book afterall. But most likely not…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Son just bought a music book for French horn that came w/CD. Just heard My Immortal played on French horn & died a little inside.

@NikoleHahn Duly noted. (in reply to NikoleHahn @katdish @CassFrear I’d want the secret police double agent position to help the peasants escape the Supreme Commander of the Western Hem.)

@CassFrear @NikoleHahn Congress? Not for me. If there’s an opening for Supreme Commander of the Western Hemisphere, I’m all up in that. (in reply to NikoleHahn @CassFrear @katdish That’s probably a good que to be careful what you tweet. If any of us runs for congress, we’ll eat our own words)

@CassFrear I would, except twitter ate most of my tweets. I think they’re in a vault somewhere. (in reply to CassFrear @katdish Ha! I figured I’d get a reaction. I wonder, could you put your tweets in a book and sell them?)

@kelybreez That was Al Gore. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish I thought you invented the interwebs… Or was it that other guy…?)

@kelybreez I’m like the Kevin Bacon of the interwebs. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “Aren’t you glad I intoduced you to @weightwhat?” That was you?! I wondered who started this madness.)

Just cut and pasted tweets for my next twitter update. Anyone care to guess how many I’ve done?

@kelybreez Aren’t you glad I introduced you to @weightwhat?

@TheMikeEllis Now see…if you were a fan of Seinfeld, your response would have been “Oh, it be…”

@TheMikeEllis You never watched Seinfeld? That can’t be! (in reply to TheMikeEllis I’m so unhip. I never watched it.)

@TheMikeEllis Is that anything like The Maestro on Seinfeld? (in reply to TheMikeEllis Prince changed his name. So did I. @MarketerMikeE is now @TheMikeEllis)

@marni71 @CandySteele @buzzbyannies Can I get an Amen?

My thoughts exactly

At the girly Ace Hardware store. Some pretty creative Christmas trees here.

@billycoffey Thanks. Don’t you have some ironing boards and grapes to deliver? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Well, good luck with all THAT.)

Today’s agenda: Buy 3 birthday gifts & help hubby de-mold boat seats. I know, glamorous, no?

@fatcatdaddy Like I’m gonna go digging thru my neighbor’s crap… (in reply to fatcatdaddy @katdish hey I need some props for Halloween if you see something I can turn into a fighter pilot helmet let me…)

@weightwhat I live in Nebraska. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Where is your neighborhood again? I was thinking about getting you some ceramic clowns for Christmas & I’m sure someone’s sellin’.)

@weightwhat No, but I’ve got my pressure washer set up in case any of them try to come up my driveway. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Got your fanny pack and small bills ready?)

My entire neighborhood is having a garage sale. I’m in second hand crap hell.

Only 2 copies of #SnowDayBook by @billycoffey on Amazon Today’s special: Buy 1, get 1 for the same price.

“You know, son – a giant bowl of potato chips is not what I would consider a healthy after school snack.” #thingsIshouldnothavetosay

@kelybreez Who apparently all have the day off. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “Violent protests in France against changing retirement age from 59 to 62.” That’s a lot of furious 59 year olds!)

Violent protests in France against changing the retirement age from 60 to 62? Seriously?

Caller ID is wonderful. Who knew there were so many people I didn’t want to talk to?

Here’s 4 seconds of your life you’ll never get back. Sorry/you’re welcome:

@pwilson Give it up NOW, Wilson! You’ve been on thin ice for some time now.

RT @pwilson Few things relax me like watering the flowers and drinking a cup of hot mango tea. Should I give you my man card now or later?

It’s your life: Live it or live in it.

@lainiegallagher I just RTed that so everyone could see how ridiculous you are.

RT @lainiegallagher @mattiehopper If Lance Berkman were in the center of God’s will, he’d be a Ranger. I’ll pray for that one. @katdish

@lainiegallagher Who died and made you queen of Texas? (in reply to lainiegallagher @mattiehopper FALSE. Once a Yankee, you’re dead to TX. (Unless you’re Pudge. Then we extend grace when you come to your senses.) @katdish)

RT @mattiehopper: @lainiegallagher @katdish a true Texan always cheers for Lance Berkman!//Amen!

@lainiegallagher Okay…that’s a pretty cool shirt. (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish Yes. Over THERE. Not here. Yankee.

@lainiegallagher Yankee? Virginia is hardly the North, and my family has been there since b4 the Revolutionary War as well. (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish My ancestors were here before the Revolutionary War. It’s in my BLOOD, Yankee. (And whatever. You don’t remember when I was born.)

@lainiegallagher I’ve lived here longer than you’ve lived here, because I’ve been here since before you were born (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish Oh wait — then you’re not a Texan. You just made an easy job even easier, foreigner!)

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad “What happened? You used to be such a pretty girl.” – some old lady at the tea. Too bad I can’t barf at will.

Hey, @prodigaljohn is giving away a signed copy of Braveheart, but don’t leave a comment b/c I want to win.

Sitting here at my computer & just realized the back of my jeep is still full of Walmart bags. #easilydistracted

Seriously, y’all. That picture did not capture just how many hornets are in that thing…Or were, anyway. Mwha ha ha!

@Helenatrandom Acts of violence upon stinging insects? It’s always a good day for that. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish But it’s not Wednesday!)

Bird feeder full of hornets. Scuse me. I’ve got some killin’ to do.

Just heard new music from Peter Frampton & Heart. Didn’t realize Sirius Radio had an AARP channel.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Walmart. But not nearly long enough.

Gotta go interface with the non-virtual world for awhile. Have a great morning,

@duane_scott And yes, she emptied it the last time.

@duane_scott In a happy marriage, it’s always your turn to empty the dishwasher.

@duane_scott Also? Your pants pockets are not tiny garbage receptacles. Clean out your pockets before you put them in the hamper.

@duane_scott Here’s my unsolicited marriage advice: Never let the sun go down on your anger. Stay up and fight

“When you combine ignorance with leverage, you get some pretty interesting results.” – Warren Buffet

@kelybreez Dang it. I was about to tweet your phone number. (in reply to kelybreez
@katdish I think she means she just HAD a phone conversation… Don’t want everyone calling me all of a sudden!)

PB&J: It’s what for lunch.

Just have a great phone conversation with @kelybreez. Y’all should follow him. And stay tuned.

Son: Who won the Texans games? Me: Texans Son: How’d they do that? Me: They scored more points. (I crack myself up.)

I just got a request for me to teach yoga to a group on 2 week holiday to my country. It’s like they don’t even know me.

I really should check my spam email more often. Hilarious.

RT @RobbBailey “Facebook was created for counting how many people left to be roundhouse kicked.”

RT @badbanana To be honest, that presentation was awkward looooong before we accidentally set the client’s hair on fire.

An exciting week on the twitter…

Hoo Ha Ha!

Have I mentioned that my friend @billycoffey’s book Snow Day is now available for purchase? I think I probably have. On Monday, the fine folks at Faith Words threw a twitter party in honor of the official release day of the book, using the hash tag #SnowDayBook. There’s quite a few tweets about that here, but trust me, I’ve omitted the majority of them because dang…

But here’s the REALLY exciting news: Professed twitter snob Sharkbait is now on the twitter! Follow him at @fishythoughts, and tell him I sent you. He’ll appreciate that.

The most hilariously ironic thing about this development is the fact that I was eating fish at Red Lobster restaurant when I saw his first tweet–sorry Sharkie. But come on, that’s just sort of funny, no? And it wasn’t clown fish. At least I’m pretty sure it wasn’t clown fish…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@CandySteele Snort! I wish. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I didn’t know it either. You probably have a truckload of floral arrangements in your driveway though.)

@CandySteele Today is bosses day? Good thing no one’s the boss of me.

@weightwhat It’s been a busy week. I’ve had to be relatively nice. It’s stressful. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish You’re kind of scaring me right now.)

@weightwhat I know, right? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Who are you?!)

Top 10 Reasons I didn’t grant you the courtesy follow:

Okay, @askbillmitchell says to repost early. And as you know, I always do what I’m told.

I wrote a post about the courtesy refollow on twitter scheduled to post in an hour. Should I post it early or what?

“Time to put your pants back on Walter we have a case.” #fringe

“It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase “as pretty as an airport” appear. ~ Douglas Adams

Wow! #SnowDayBook #62 on Amazon’s Bestsellers in American Lit! @billycoffey

Litter box just went from odor-free to “Smelly Cat what are they feeding you?”

Sigh…I just went to make a call on my iPhone. Clicked on the email icon and put the phone to my ear. Long day.

@dlrayburn Good for you, Dusty! You should write a review (in 800 words or less)

RT @dlrayburn CORRECTION: I did! I did! I did win a copy of “Snow Day: A Novel” by @billycoffey from @FaithWords !

@sarahmsalter Good point. That way it would always be annoyingly close to me at all times. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Can you fit Buddy Love with a clipboard to hold onto your list? He can wear it like a saddle.)

@sarahmsalter Yes. And then I lose them. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Do you make to-do lists? That’s how I survive…)

And it’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Do you every have this nagging feeling you’re forgetting to do something? I pretty much feel like that every day.

@dlrayburn Yeah, I do that too… (in reply to dlrayburn 300…that’s like telling a preacher he has 5 minutes.)

@dlrayburn 700 to 800 is pretty much the max. 300-600 is a good target to shoot for. (in reply to dlrayburn I think I need to start limiting my posts to 500 words…I’m just not sure I can do it.)


It’s easier to believe the lies the world tells us about ourselves than in the truth God buries in each of our hearts.

I don’t watch much reality TV, but I happened to click on Jerseylicious, & it’s like a trainwreck. It’s horrible, but I can’t look away.

Daughter is home sick today–sore throat/stomach ache. Better known as “playing hooky”.

@tonyjalicea Oooo! I’ll start working on my acceptance speech. (in reply to tonyjalicea @MarketerMikeE @katdish I vote Kat mayor of Twitterville!)

In search of deeper faith, it is 1 thing to embrace your doubt, quite another to celebrate it while mocking those whose faith is strong. You may never know the dark roads they have traveled to find it.

@Brian_Russell To paraphrase my 13 YO son, Boo-yah! (in reply to Brian_Russell In the paraphrased words of @katdish, it’s unfollow hammer time!)

@dlrayburn @makeadiff21 Of course I did! (in reply to dlrayburn RT @makeadiff21: RT @katdish: @dlrayburn Did you move it?? //You know she did.)

@kelybreez I’m just trying to help people find a great book easier. Books a million should thank me. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish That’s the Christian friendship sabotage spirit at work right there!)

@dlrayburn yeah, but it’s hidden on the bottom shelf. Or at least it was… (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish Hey it’s turned out showing the full cover! That’s a good thing!)

Ahh, much better!

Now that ain’t right!

When is @candysteele & @ronsteele7’s anniversay? Because I need to send them this:

@mabeswife My dad once made a chicken noodle soup sandwich. That was the worst sandwich ever.

Golf cart on major road. I predict this will not end well.

Man, why does twitter keep interrupting wanting me to download the new version? #rude

Dear #NewTwitter: I’m just not that into you. It’s not you, it’s me. Love, katdish

Computer is running slow. I think I need to de-frag it. I have no idea what that means, but I’m thinking that would help.

@FaithWords Thanks for a great #SnowDayBook day!

@CandySteele Well, yeah…that too. (in reply to CandySteele RT @katdish Never underestimate the power of social media #SnowDayBook / or the power of a great book & heart of a great writer)

Never underestimate the power of social media #SnowDayBook

Holy Cow! Really? >RT @LoveWriteCook: @katdish @billycoffey Now #75.

BREAKING NEWS: @billycoffey’s debut novel #SnowDayBook in the top 100 in US Lit & Fiction on Amazon:

“Happiness does not buy you money.” – Warren Buffet

@billycoffey Can’t argue with you there. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Oh, you know too much about everything already.)

@billycoffey Wait…I CAN’T know it all? That’s not at all comforting.

RT @billycoffey Life is made more beautiful by the unknown. Somehow knowing that we couldn’t ever know it all was comforting. #SnowDayBook

@billycoffey I am, aren’t I? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’re such a good mom.)

Both kids home from school today. While I’m at my computer, their making good choices #cookiedoughforbreakfast

Holy Hashtags, Batman! #SnowDayBook

It seems @BuddyLovetheDog can hardly contain his excitement about #Snowdaybook day.

RT @FaithWords: Guess what today is! #SnowDayBook Twitter party to celebrate the pub of SNOW DAY by debut author @billycoffey! Join the fun!

@gabbysherri Yes. (in reply to gabbysherri @katdish -“right” or “overbearing”…)

@gabbysherri Hello there! I see you found Shark Bait. You would think I would get tired of being right all the time… (in reply to gabbysherri @fishythoughts – I don’t believe it! She got to you, didn’t she? Well, you can be like me- pop in, pop out–keep em off your back/scales)

@katbrak Influenced. Yeah, let’s go with that. (in reply to katbrak @katdish and I know you’ve forced, um, influenced them all to join :))

@katbrak He’s hardly the first person who told me they wouldn’t join Twitter.

@CandySteele I do, don’t I? (in reply to CandySteele RT @katdish A very special forward: follow @fishythoughts. My favorite grumpy little fish! / you always win)

A very special forward: follow @fishythoughts. My favorite grumpy little fish!

@fishythoughts Hoo HA HA!!!! Sharkbait is on Twitter!!! I win! I win! (in reply to fishythoughts @duane_scott Congratulations. You are the first to notice. Don’t tell @katdish :-))

Surrender, surrender. But don’t give yourself away, aaaaaayyyy, aaa-ay-ay awaaaaaaaaaay! #randomcheaptricklyrics

RT @DougSpur Snow Day models :my granddaughter Nevaeh, (little one on right) & her friend Katy.

RT @TedInJest Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for a Klondike bar.

@MarkDavidGerson Don’t you kinda feel like a jerk saying “Mark David Green likes Mark David Green and thinks you should too!” (in reply to MarkDavidGerson Trying this “fan” page thing out. (Ugh: hate the term “fan” page.)

@MaryDeMuth Did you know that the traditional “mum bigger than your head” is mostly a Texas thing?

@DougSpur Get out! Really? So you got a copy? Nice, huh? (in reply to DougSpur @katdish I told em what you said And look at this here book in my hand woopwoop)

@DougSpur Wait…they’re not allowed to put it on the shelves until Mon. But tell them I said it was OK. Which will illicit blank stares. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish – thanks – I’m headin’ to the truck)

@DougSpur absolutely. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish – so, if I buy from the local Books a Million or order online it helps ya’ll just the same?)

Obsessively checking Amazon rankings and am VERY encouraged at the moment…

RT @kevinqueen: Today while changing my garbage disposal I found evidence of redemptive value in Left Behind books

@redclaydiaries I think it’s saying, “Tweet more, the world needs your wisdom.”(in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Sounds like twitter’s trying to tell you something.)

247 tweets? I know that ain’t right.

@WriteOnRideOn I usually get someone in my entourage to carry it. (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish You DO carry a portable red carpet with you at all times, right? Especially in the grocery store you love so much.)

I love how the frozen food cases in the grocery store light up as I pass. Sometimes I’ll get to the end, turn around and bow.

Top 10 Reasons I didn’t grant you the courtesy refollow

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Generally speaking, if someone follows me on the twitter and they appear to be a real person and not some spambot or online markerter, I will grant the courtesy refollow. By the way, if you are a real person and I’m not refollowing you, it’s most likely that I don’t know you’re following me. If you let me know, I’ll follow you. Unless of course you happen to break one or more of  the cardinal rules of the katdish courtesy refollow:

  1. You’re nekkid in your avatar. That’s all I have to say about that.
  2. Your Twitter bio contains the words “Social Media” followed by the words “celebrity” or “rock star”. Um, get over yourself already. I’ve never heard of you.
  3. Your last 10 tweets consist of links to your own website and tired old quotes everyone’s already heard.
  4. Your tweets are in a language other than English. Sorry. I’m a dumb American. That’s the only language I speak, understand or read.
  5. All of your tweets look something like this: *¨* 愛∗¸☀¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*. Am I missing something? What’s up with that?
  6. You talk at the twitter, but you never have any conversations with people on the twitter. It’s social media. Be social already. I don’t care who you are, you’re not that big a deal (to me, anyway).
  7. You don’t have a bio. Seriously…would it kill you to say 10 words about yourself?
  8. You are suffering from hashtagatosis, where you cannot #tweet #anything #without #using #hashtags.
  9. You are rabidly opposed to either liberals or conservatives and that’s all you tweet about. I follow liberals, conservatives and everyone in between, but I’m really more interested in what we have in common than what separates us. (End of mini speech.)
  10. I’m just not that into you. (This may include, but may not limited to the fact that you use foul language constantly or are overtly sexually suggestive. I’m not the morality police, I just don’t care to see that in my twitter feed. To each his own.)

So, there’s my top ten. Do you have any deal breakers when it comes to the courtesy refollow?

So apparently, I need to shut my pie hole

If you’ve been following along at home, you know that yesterday I ranted incessantly about John Mayer feeling compelled to tell everyone why he was leaving the twitter. He was of the opinion that no one on Twitter has created any lasting art. Pish posh! Just because he can’t do it, doesn’t mean no one else can. Take for example the Tweet Speak Poetry Jam the other night. This is where poets get together on twitter, and tweet poetic lines which are then put together to form one big poem. This week’s prompt: Pie. The lovely and talented Mr. Glynn Young (aka @gyoung9751) is the person responsible for putting everyone’s lines together. Now see, ordinarily I would link that poem, but I just asked folks on twitter for the link and everyone except for Kathleen Overby is politely ignoring me. Kathleen just told me I was the enemy and that I wasn’t invited to pie anymore. Which is ridiculous. YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME, KATHLEEN!

Anyhoo, I always enjoy following along and reading what everyone tweets during these poetry jams, but I’m just not at all poetic. When I try and participate, I feel a bit like Eunice singing Feelings on The Gong Show. But it seems I wasn’t the only person feeling uninspired. As it turns out, my friend Steph also happened to be on the twitter at the same time, so we decided to have our own little hashtag party: #notpoetry, featuring quotes about Hot Pockets from Jim Gaffigan.  Some friends compliment each other like peanut butter and jelly, peas and carrots, ebony and ivory. Steph and I are more like Aqua Net and a Bic lighter…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the Twitter this week:

@noveldoctor with a side of angst. (in reply to noveldoctor A writer is best fed by hunger.)

@weightwhat Farmer blow. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Neti pot?)

Can’t. Stop. Sneezing.

IMO, children should not be encouraged to whistle in public. Or ever, really.

I’m at the fancy Walmart. Also known as Target.

@PaperIsDue Also affectionally known as the McPig knuckle.

FYI – it is.

Have U ever eaten a McRib sandwich b/c you’re convinced it couldn’t possibly be as disgusting as you remembered?

RT @FaithWords Join us Monday 10/11 as we celebrate pub of SNOW DAY by @billycoffey w/ new background, giveaways, & more. #snowdaybook

@tonyjalicea Or Tom Hanks from Volunteers: “It’s not that I can’t help these people, it’s that I don’t want to.” (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Sounds like Peter from Office Space. “The thing is Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care”)

Anyone who equates great artistic talent with great humanity should remember Nietzsche

@tonyjalicea I interviewed for a job I didn’t want. When asked what my weaknesses were, I said “I tend to oversleep & call in sick a lot.”

@MarketerMikeE Hmmm…I could say a lot about that #FF, but I think I’ll just say thank you (in reply to MarketerMikeE She’s so delish I’d put her on a cracker. Follow @katdish #ff)

@billycoffey Your fan page now has 301 likes. I’ll accept gratitude for its promotion in the form of beef jerky

Photobucket makes me stabby.

@CandySteele Fine, just so you know, you missed @redclaydiaries & my Hot Pocket tweets. in reply to CandySteele

@redclaydiaries Goodnight, fellow not poet.

@memoriaarts Have you considered the witness protection program? (in reply to memoriaarts @katdish She (mother) kept finding me! I gave up. *laughter* And it’s not like you can hit ignore. Phone rings 0.5 seconds later…)

@CandySteele is not talking to me. Just tweeting food. #rude

@gyoung9751 What @redclaydiaries said. (in reply to gyoung9751 @redclaydiaries @katdish Because I only follow intelligent, friendly people on Twitter.)

@gyoung9751 You’re a gentleman and a scholar. Which is why I can’t figure out why you follow @redclaydiaries and me.

@redclaydiaries Oh, don’t sell @lainiegallagher short. She can be incredibly annoying. (in reply to redclaydiaries @lainiegallagher Annoyingly so. (So not really like you. You’re not at all annoying. Much.)

If 5 more people like this Facebook page, I’ll win a bet. No pressure, but it involves beef jerky:

Deepdish katdish #tsptry

@gyoung9751 We are NOT making fun of #tsptry. @redclaydiaries & I are simply trying to remain inappropriate outside the hash tag

Pie can’t compete w/cake. Put candles in cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. @jimgaffigan

@KathleenOverby Not mocking. Just painfully aware of our lack of poetic-ness. (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish have you been mocking us? you nonpoetical rebel.)

Hot pocket for breakfast, hot pocket for lunch, and dead by dinner. @jimgaffigan #notpoetry

Never eaten a Hot pocket/then replied/I’m glad I ate that. #notpoetry by Jim Gaffigan

@LoveWriteCook @SBeeCreations @redclaydiaries @mxings I think #notpoetry should be a hash tag closely associated w/anything I tweet.

@mxings Sorry/you’re welcome. (in reply to mxings @katdish @redclaydiaries enjoying your off pie commentary :))

@redclaydiaries Ooo! That’s an excellent pen name. (in reply to redclaydiaries RT @katdish: Okay DUH! I keep seeing this #newtwitter hashtag and read it as #NewWriter.// I read as Newt Writer.)

@SBeeCreations Steph and I aren’t really poets, so we’re going low brow w/Jim Gaffigan

Okay DUH! I keep seeing this #newtwitter hashtag and read it as #NewWriter. The former makes more sense.

@redclaydiaries Could a hot pocket be considered a pie? Hoooooot Pocket-Pie! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish See, I was gonna quote Jim Gaffigan: “If there’s rum in the pie, it means someone’s drinkin in the kitchen!”)

@redclaydiaries Don’t feel bad. I was going to tweet the lyrics to Cherry Pie by Warrant, but decided I’d better not. (in reply to redclaydiaries Okay, forget the poetry party. I guess I’m not in the mood to be poetic about pie. Now cake, on the other hand…)

Pie I don’t like: 3.14 and humble #tsptry

@Brian_Russell oh, it’s always my fault! (in reply to Brian_Russell RT @Brian_Russell: Avenging Narwhal // This is @katdish’s fault.)

@Brian_Russell I’m not sure I can help, but now I want a avenging narwhal action figure.

@CandySteele It’s like flipping the channels between The McLear News Hour and Dog the Bounty Hunter. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish @ronsteele7 ‘s having some rather extreme tweeting paradigm shifts today, huh?)

@ronsteele7 This is why I follow you on Twitter. Such hard hitting news stories about PB&J

Regardless, it’s probably not a good idea to call an umpire an A-hole on national television #justsaying

Texas 5 Rays 0 –The Rays are not happy after what they feel was a bad call shortly followed by 3 runs.

@melissa_rae @katdish haha! Not too much. And I can put a stake in our carpet so they only run in circles. 🙂

@melissa_rae Do the stuffed animals interfere with the choke collar? Snort! (in reply to melissa_rae @katdish @SBeeCreations I always thought they were very necessary! But ours have cute stuffed animals attached to make them humane. :))

@SBeeCreations I always thought those leashes for kids were horrible, but I considered one for my son.

RT @tonyjalicea Is there ever a good response when the cleaning lady knocks on the door of the men’s restroom?

@weightwhat Oh, thanks for that visual. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should just squeeze him like a tube of toothpaste. Could work.)

10 lb. dog has spent the last 10 min. looking for the perfect place to poo. Yet another reason I want a starter pistol.

RT @ConanOBrien: The Chilean Miners could B released this weekend just in time 2 see Michael Bolton sing on DWTS. Guys, what’s an extra day?

My fave new name for “church ladies” shared by my friend Suzie last night: Cindy Lou Betterthanyou

@tonyjalicea Happy now?

@tonyjalicea You are awesome. (in reply to tonyjalicea Tell someone today that they are awesome. You have no idea how much they may need it.)

@Nick_theGeek Nah. Maybe for some, but that will bite you in the arse eventually. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish u mean what u know about who u know)

It’s not what you know or who you know. It’s both.

How can you not be compelled to read a blog post entitled All Roads lead to Ass Clown? @redclaydiaries

@tyronem I’m like Joe Walsh. I can’t complain but sometimes I still do.

@kelybreez Good morning! Sorry for the delay. I had to google “soporific”. And yes, I agree. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Gunaydin, kat!! (Turkish). Hope your day is not soporific. Until late tonight.)

As always…Sorry/you’re welcome.

Pardon me while I rant incessantly: John Mayer leaves Twitter

image courtesy of

My first response to this news is, “So what? I don’t follow celebrities anyway.”

I think John Mayer is an incredibly talented musician and songwriter. I also think Tim Robbins is a pretty decent actor and Kanye West is a great self-promoter.


Why should it be common practice to give weight to someone’s opinion because they happen to be famous? If Mayer gave his opinion about what type of guitar he preferred or Tim Robbins shared tips on how not to piss off Susan Sarandon or Kanye West gave advice about how to avoid criminal prosecution, chances are I would pay attention. On second thought, I might not take Robbins advice about Sarandon, because apparently, that didn’t work out so well. But I digress…

I suppose one of the most beneficial things about being on Twitter if you’re a celebrity is the ability to connect with fans who might otherwise not have access to you. This can increase your fan base exponentially, especially if you actually interact with your followers a la Alyssa Milano. Even though I don’t follow her, she’s a great example of how celebrities can effectively use social media to increase their influence and endear themselves to fans.

I’m sure there are other glowing examples of how to be a great celebrity tweeter, and while I did read some pretty decent quotes from Mayer on Twitter, the majority of the ones I read were of the celebrity train wreck variety (“When that text comes through that says ‘Just thinking about you’, save yourself some time and write ‘shut the &$#@ up and come over.”) Charming, no?

I learned recently (via Twitter) that John Mayer is no longer tweeting. Which is fine–whatever. I suppose what bothers me about him leaving is his apparent need to tell everyone why he left. A recent article in USA Today quotes Mayer as follows:

“It occurred to me that since the invocation of Twitter, nobody who has participated in it has created any lasting art. And yes! Yours truly is included in that roundup as well.”

He goes on to say:

“Those who decide to remain offline will make better work than those online. Why? Because great ideas have to gather. They have to pass the test of withstanding thirteen different moods, four different months and sixty different edits. Anything less is day trading. You can either get a bunch of mentions now or change someone’s life next year.”

It seems to me that Mayer was incredibly distracted by Twitter, which is understandable. But rather than quietly bowing out and pursuing “lasting art” and “changing lives”, he makes a blanket statement about all artists. Sounds a bit like “I’m taking my ball and going home, and if you stay you’re wasting your life.” Incredibly arrogant.

I am reminded of another artist who talked about how to end a relationship:

“I don’t mind when a woman leaves me, it’s when they tell you why. Forget that, just leave.” ~ Richard Pryor

Probably not the best advice for personal relationships, but for Twitter? I think that would have sufficed. Then again, I wouldn’t be writing a blog post about him leaving if he had done so quietly. I wouldn’t have even noticed. Perhaps Kanye should get some pointers from Mayer.

Warning: Twitter update w/much talk of yarking

It’s been several weeks since I’ve done a twitter update. I’ve been busy with some other stuff, then I got sick this week, etc. So, when I sat down to compile my tweets from the past few weeks, I started putting some things together based on tweets and the timeline.

Do you want to know a theory of mine? Editing makes you sick. As always, these tweets are in backwards order. If you’ll notice, early on, @billycoffey was sick (while still maintaining his no-vomit streak). Guess what he was doing when he got sick? Editing. Then, a few days later, I got sick. Guess what I’ve been doing? Yep–editing. So there you go…

Of course, it could have been that deep-fried Monte Cristo sandwich I ate the other night, but you never know…

A very edited version of the best of me (or not) on the twitter for the past couple of weeks:

@billycoffey Bet that moment was right up there w/reading your book. Snort!

RT @billycoffey: SNOW DAY endorser Don Mattingly named manager of Los Angeles Dodgers

RT badbananaWhen Frodo was saved by giant eagles after walking all the way to Mt. Doom, I bet he was all “WE HAVE GIANT EAGLES?!?!?!”

I am convinced there is some unwritten ordinance that requires that at least one nail salon occupy space at any strip mall.

“Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling. – J Handy

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to bed & pray that I start feeling better or Jesus comes back.

Subtitled: I think I have food poisoning. Please feel free to submit many haikus tomorrow.

I am sick. I was going to write a katdishionary post tomorrow, but b/c @marni71 & @redclaydiaries inspired me, tomorrow: Platypus Rainbow 2

Okay, feeling crappy. Gonna try and get some rest. Miss me!

Well, @billycoffey may be the Cal Ripken of not puking, but I broke my streak in spades last night. Ugh!

Daughter: I’ve been hanging out w/the other Asian girls at school. Me: you’re 1/4 Asian. Daughter: I know,but still.

Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean & straight. Indecision is a dull one that hacks & tears & leaves ragged edges behind.~J McKeithen

RT beckfromfrogandtoad The kids are s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g their conversation to keep it a secret from me. INGENIOUS!

@ExpeditionNovel It would probably be a mostly true work of fiction. Or, as I like to call it, a Faction.

@ExpeditionNovel Thanks. I appreciate that. But when it comes to my own writing, I have a tendency towards devastating laziness

@gyoung9751 More of a life verse, really. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish “if veiled threats of violence work, I’m willing to go there.” A theme for the advertising campaign?)

@salamicat I want you to read @billycoffey’s book because you want to, but if veiled threats of violence work, I’m willing to go there

RT @billycoffey: There is magic in this world, I will say. God is the magician. And we are His hands. – #SnowDay

RT @marni71: @katdish Don’t think it’s robots, but I don’t think they can help u since they R busy w/their banana eating & poo flinging

@marni71 Do they have actual humans working there, or just robots?

Do you know what’s great? Sending an email to Amazon only to get a computer generated auto-reply that does not address the issue. – NOT

Wise counsel >RT @billycoffey: @kelybreez I’ve never known @katdish not to be. Wouldn’t want to get on her bad side, though.

@TchrEric Good morning, Eric. You’d better have a great day. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Morning bossy lady! :))

@billycoffey Again, you’re welcome. It’s what I do. (in reply to billycoffey @HeatheroftheEO I think @katdish thinks she’s a role model and spiritual guide to everyone.)

Did you know you can get War & Peace free on Kindle? Much lighter than its original hardcover version.

When I asked why she was selling it, she said because people collect them. Oh, that makes it okay.

Can y’all read what that says? I bought it off some troll who doesn’t care they’re taking money from the author.

@HeatheroftheEO She’s too stubborn to be molded. (in reply to HeatheroftheEO RT @katdish: @TchrEric I consider myself more of a role model and spiritual guide to @billycoffey (I thought you led @redclaydiaries too?)

@TchrEric I consider myself more of a role model and spiritual guide to @billycoffey

@TchrEric I’m a bossy everything. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Oh….and you would know about the “bossy mom” thing right? :))

If eating peanut butter straight out of the jar is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Yes…THAT Don Mattingly!

“Everybody needs a snow day! To slow down and take a breath of what really is important.” ~ Don Mattingly

@learell RT @katdish: Does anyone know when the new Angry Birds game is coming out? // One day before my wife leaves me.

Just looked at the fundraising stuff my kids brought home. 3 beautiful, full color catalogs of crap I don’t need.

“And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy”~Gibran

“I’ve no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who’d do up the zipper on the back of your dress?” – Bette Davis

@TchrEric Did you know that @billycoffey hasn’t puked since Christmas Eve, 1995? That’s impressive.

@billycoffey I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Something’s loaded.)

@billycoffey Bases loaded? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish It’s the bottom of the ninth.)

@billycoffey Are you still the Carl Ripken of not puking? Is your streak still alive?

Kitchen Tip: Never store paprika next to cinnamon. #oatmealfail

“I haven’t thrown up since Christmas Eve, 1995. I’m the Cal Ripken of not puking.” – @billycoffey

RTnoveldoctor Deep-frying makes everything taste better. Except maybe disappointment. And Junior Mints

@HeatherSunseri Remember the good old days when you put on mascara while driving instead of checking your emails?

@PaperIsDue Are you saying Paper is Due is not your real name? (in reply to PaperIsDue I think of you all by your twitter names. If I ever meet you in real life, I will call you the wrong thing.)

@MarketerMikeE Don’t sell yourself short, Mike. I’m sure you’ve annoyed lots of people on twitter. (in reply to MarketerMikeE I haven’t annoyed enough people on Twitter, I’ve decided to take a crack at it on Facebook.)

*?*&@#!!! Ahh…I feel better now.

Having a corn dog for lunch. Was going to go w/mustard, but I’m trying to eat more fruits & veggies. Ketchup it is.

So…trying to check off a bunch of stuff from my To-Do list this morning. Think I need to take a short breather. Hello, #AngryBirds!

@sarahmsalter Oh, wait…it’s not directness I struggle with. It’s sarcasm

@sarahmsalter You know, I struggle with being direct sometimes, but I think I’m getting better, don’t you?

Too subtle?

Writing my endorsement for @billycoffey’s soon to be released debut novel, #SnowDay. How’s this?: “Buy this book, or you’re dead to me.”

@CandySteele So, what is that? Squitter? (in reply to CandySteele @katdish In the squirrel world, they are only allowed 15 characters. Unless you’re a ninja squirrel.)

@CandySteele @redclaydiaries He certainly has an economy of words. But maybe not for a squirrel

@redclaydiaries GAAAA! Where’s my backscratcher (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Good idea. How bout a dog hair snuggie?)

@redclaydiaries You know what your avatar needs? Some dog hair. Maybe one of those ribbons made of dog hair.

@redclaydiaries Hey! Like you new avatar, just can’t get used to it. Keep wondering who that chick in my friends column is. Delete

Thinking of writing a song about washing my daughter’s clothes all day. Working title: “Glitter in the lint trap”

Anyone who says a dog is not useful has never spilled a plate of rice on the kitchen floor.

Sorry….had to rant. Carry on…

I’m so sick of unethical people.

And you are on my crap list in black sharpie.

If you have a publisher’s copy of a book marked “not for resale” & you choose to sell it, you’re taking money away from the author.

Well, duh…I had no idea Angry birds had secret powers.

@melissa_rae There are some who follow for the courtesy refollow & then dump you. Gotta lay the unfollow hammer down on them.

Fixin’ to go eat some Tex-Mex. If you don’t know what that is, so sorry. You’re missing out.

Motivation and intent mean a great deal to me. Don’t NOT do something b/c you’re afraid to get caught, don’t do it b/c it’s WRONG.

@duane_scott Who me? Bossy?

Never been much for computer games. So how is it that Angry Birds is appealing? It just makes me smile.

Wilford Brimley, naked gymnastics & praying for your ungrateful heart

I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post. I cut quite a few tweets, but still…Apparently I had way too much to talk about with my imaginary friends on the twitter this week. (And yes, Darlene, they are in backwards order, because I’m lazy like that.)

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Okay, folks! See you in a couple of days. Send pizza.

#FF @peterpollock My go to geek and website/host guru who tolerates my bossy self.

@karenzach Just remember Karen, you are very special. Just like everyone else. (in reply to karenzach @katdish glad to be one of thousands)

Hey! I just hit 2000 followers! (Not literally, of course.)

@amysorrells Okay…that took a moment to sink in. Now, I’m thoroughly grossed out. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish might that be because no one replaced the TP?)

@MarketerMikeE You’re welcome. And mmm….Taco Bell. (in reply to MarketerMikeE @katdish you made me laff outloud in Taco Bell. Thank you)

@SurfCorp Your hair looks fabulous today, Jacques (in reply to @SurfCorp Make someone successful today. Refer them for a job, fix their flat, compliment their hair, pay them to wash your car. Do something nice)

Usually, my dog doesn’t stink. We go about our lives taking this for granted. Then one day I wake up & he smells like @$$. This is that day.

I don’t know! >RT @br8kthru: @katdish send me another $32.50 & I’ll absolve you from your email chain too. What would you do without me?

Also, please pray for my ungrateful heart, as I am once again going to break another email chain.

@br8kthru Your love offering check is in the mail (in reply to br8kthru @katdish this is what I’m here for. Unfortunately, now you owe me $32.50. :))

@br8kthru Thanks, Jason. It gives me peace to know a holy man will be praying for me. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish you and your DVD are in my prayers…)

Okay…totally kidding. Sort of.

It has been said there are no small prayers, so would you join me in praying the UPS man delivers Season 6 of #Lost today? Thanks!

#FF @marni71: In a word, snarktacular!

I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!!! (This is what my kids will hear when they get home.)

For hilariously inappropriate yet accidental #hashtags, #FF @CandySteele

Okay. I’ll do a #FF: For great, in-depth stories about dog poo, follow @redclaydiaries

@redclaydiaries Why, thank you evil twin! (in reply to redclaydiaries I haven’t #followfriday’d in FOREVER. Here’s one: @katdish because she’s my evil twin & she’s THIS CLOSE to 2000 followers.)

@CassFrear Good morning! Now I have to google “inimitable” to see if you just insulted or complimented me. (in reply to CassFrear @katdish Morning, you inimitable blogger you! #FF)

Now, that’s more like it >RT @HeatheroftheEO: #FF @katdish Because she’s not sweet

Thanks for the #FF, but are you sure you don’t have me confused w/someone else? >RT @AuthorShauna: #FF @katdish because she’s sweet

@karenzach She could introduce you to the wooden butler of Walla Walla (in reply to karenzach @katdish I have got to get over to meet Darlene. WW is about half-an-hour from me.)

@katiemoon Just so you know, I went ahead and gave myself 5 points. Cuz you’re not the boss of me. (in reply to katiemoon @katdish nope. no points for that.)

@katiemoon I wrote a “change of transportation home” note to a teacher today. Does that count? (in reply to katiemoon When was the last time you sent a handwritten note to someone?)

“Nothing tears a family apart…like a pack of wolves.” – Jack Handey

Just returned from ciriculum/PTA nite at Jr High. Quote: “This will be our only fundraiser this year. Until the next fundraiser”. Huh?

@jewda4 Thanks Jeff. After reading that tweet 3 times, I think I understand what you said. I think I need to refill my ritalin meds.

And….the thats have it! Thank you @Helenatrandom @mansibhatia @St1jere @keithjennings @lightherlamp @Jngla

And by “nerds”, I mean, brilliant wordsmtihs, of course.

Quick! Grammar Nerds: Which is correct?: “something that was better” or “something which was better”? Or does it matter?

Wilford Brimley in Rock me Dia-bee-tus:

@HeatherSunseri You’re so thoughtful. I keep offering to buy my husband a swimming pool, but he won’t accept my gracious offer. (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish Well, i’m thinking i need to get the box set for my hubby. i’m already looking forward to my selfless gift.)

@HeatherSunseri I have a 9 and 13 year old. And no, when I watch #lost, I lock myself in my office & don’t talk to anyone. (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish Hey, Katdish, don’t you have a ten or eleven year old? have you let them watch #lost ?)

@JeanneDamoff Awesome! I’ll make up some commemorative bible bookmarks to mark the occassion. (in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish I don’t think people actually meet for a “prayer chain.” But if @marni71 promises to wear her sweater and headband, I would come.)

@Helenatrandom I think @billycoffey’s 4th book should be about us. (in reply to Helenatrandom @marni71 @katdish I’m sure he’ll make it up to us at the next workshop. @billycoffey)

@marni71 Perhaps @buzzbyannies or @helenatrandom could provide a meal for the meeting in the crockpot of love. (in reply to marni71 @katdish We all should. Let’s start a prayer chain. I might have an embroidered sweater and headband somewhere, so I can head up the chain)

@marni71 I’m gonna pray for @billycoffey’s ungrateful heart. (in reply to marni71 @katdish I know. Here we’ve been soooo nice to him and @billycoffey yells at us and kicks @Helenatrandom out. So rude.)

@marni71 Yeah! What a jerk! @billycoffey (in reply to marni71 @Helenatrandom That’s just harsh. You’re the peace-maker among us. See if I ever sign up for his stupid workshops again…) (@helenatrandom @marni71 No worries Marns. I was at the same workshop. He had me escorted out by @weightwhat…)

@marni71 Oh, please….@billycoffey would be honored to have our esteemed company. (in reply to marni71 @katdish He yelled, he snapped his fingers and even counted to 5. And we still wouldn’t shut up. Poor Billy.)

@marni71 Some dreams really do come true, Marns. (in reply to marni71 Last night I dreamed I was attending a writing workshop led by @billycoffey. And he kept telling @katdish and I to stop being loud.)

Automated gas pump: Is this a debit card? Me: Yes. Automated gas pump: We no longer accept debit cards Me: Your timing sucks.

Already written over $200 in checks to cover misc. school activities. Good thing we don’t pay outrageous school taxes. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

@Helenatrandom If I was a kid in school, I think you’d be my favorite teacher.

@JeffHolton Well if he does, I claim intellectual property rights. (in reply to JeffHolton @katdish I think it’d also make a good title for a Jimmy Buffet song.)

Okay, not really. I totally ripped that off from @MarketerMikeE . If you DO google “Pornographic Cheese Butler” you will find my blog

Someone googled “Pornographic Cheese Butler” and found this blog post: The Legend Continues, Part 1

@CassFrear Katdish beauty tip #2: Dont get pedis in dark, seedy nail salons, U may get an eyelash in your big toe

Shocked my daughter doesn’t know God Bless America. So I start belting it out, loud and proud… “From the mountains, to the prairie, to the oceans….something, something! God Bless America, my home sweet home!

@CassFrear I am a wealth of beauty information. Okay, maybe not so much… (in reply to CassFrear @katdish Have you considered a series on beauty tips, katdish-style?)

Katdish beauty tip: If you’re bangs are too long, using a flat iron on them is not recommended. #hairfail

My son’s latest chore is emptying the dishwasher, so I use 3-4 cups a day like he used to do. I’m all about teachable moments.

@dutchhillgirl He’s a little slow… (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish Yeah! You tell him. LOL @billycoffey I thought we already established that women are always right?)

@billycoffey Maybe you need a new cowboy hat. You’re head’s getting too big for that one. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I don’t have to. I know @weightwhat likes me best.)

@billycoffey Oh, stop trying to flatter your way into @weightwhat taking your side.

@weightwhat Cyber fist bump

RT @weightwhat @katdish I think you should put school stickers on @billycoffey’s car. He’s clearly not supportive enough of your kids.

@duane_scott @billycoffey says I’m a bad mom for not putting school stickers on my car, but he’s just being disagreeable. (in reply to duane_scott Would someone mind sharing what Im voting for? // RT @katdish: @billycoffey Blind devotion does not impress me.)

@billycoffey Jealous, much? (in reply to billycoffey @karenzach She only appreciates it when it’s directed at her.)

@billycoffey Blind devotion does not impress me. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Three for me. @duane_scott is with me, too. And he doesn’t even care what it is.)

RT @billycoffey: @katdish Ha! @pauharri is on my team.//Then he’s dead to me.

@billycoffey Oh, please. You should be used to me being right by now. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Never!)

I have 4 in agreement with me, and one opposed. Majority wins. @billycoffey is wrong. (in reply to @billycoffey @katdish You’re a horrible mother.)

Am I a bad mom if I don’t want to put school decals on my car? I really don’t like putting that stuff on my back window.

@Helenatrandom RT @weightwhat: @katdish GAAAAAA!!!! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Wouldn’t you just hate to be the one with the job of polishing the pommel horse after that competition?)

@Helenatrandom And the person using the pommel horse next.(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I think they should at least wear a cup on the pommel horse. For the sake of the spectators…)

Last week I tweeted about vanilla scented garbage, this week naked gymnastics. I am a wealth of information. Tell your friends.

@Helenatrandom Great minds (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish pommel horse.)

@weightwhat Ewh! Or the pommel horse! Gaaa! (in reply to weightwhat @katdish And don’t even get me started on the uneven bars.)

@weightwhat Yes. The balance beam event alone makes me shudder. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Wow, that brings up a lot of unpleasant mental pictures.)

Snort! I just deleted a spam comment from “naked gymnast”. Now there’s a niche market.

What I did today. Subtitled: A girl and her hatchet.,

I’m going to cut down some tree limbs, and possibly set them on fire in the 55 gallon drum out back. Ah, I heart no deed restrictions!

Daughter just yelled at her bro: You think you’re the King of Awesomeness, but you’re SO NOT! (Snort!)

@beckfromfrogandtoad I’m all ears. Like my mom says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

Gee, your trash can smells terrific!

(twitpic courtesy of @weightwhat)

I follow around 1800 folks on twitter, give or take a few. And no, I don’t read everyone’s tweets, but I’m somewhat selective about whom I follow. When someone follows me, before I refollow, I look at their profile and read their last few tweets. If it’s someone that makes me smile, makes me think and generally looks like a real person, I will refollow. There’s some great info, some great links and some great conversations on twitter. And then there’s me…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@melissa_rae Thanks, Melissa! If only all my minions…er…followers were as agreeable!

RT @melissa_rae I follow @katdish she told me to. And you have to do whatever she says. #ff

@makeadiff21 Well, that doesn’t sound very appetizing at all (in reply to makeadiff21 @katdish The last ones I had tasted like dirty feet. :-P)

@CandySteele I’ve noticed that too, but @billycoffey’s blog is still working!: #nastypimptweet (in reply to CandySteele @buzzbyannies @katdish Actually I think someone broke the internet. Many blogs are funky this morning. AL??? AL???)

@br8kthru Wear that sweater vest proudly, my friend. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish also an officer and a gentleman…)

@br8kthru You’re a gentleman and a scholar, Jason. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish see! If I were going to smell garbage, I’d rather fight it with better smelling garbage. I’m a thinker. :))

@pagan43 I’m against them. Especially if they smell like vanilla. (in reply to pagan43 @katdish How do you feel about scented toilet paper roll holders ?)

@br8kthru @Helenatrandom @pagan43 I would prefer my garbage liners not be scented, but me thinks pine would be a better choice

@Helenatrandom My point exactly. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Yeah, I don’t know why they make scented trash can liners. Like my garbage doesn’t already smell all sweet and attractive.)

Dear makers of scented trash can liners, Vanilla scented garbage isn’t really working for me.

@JeanneDamoff And you get 50 points for telling @helenatrandom to speak English

@JeanneDamoff Yay! (in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish @Nick_theGeek Your remark about stabbing (and envy thereof) made me laugh out loud. 50 points.)

@Nick_theGeek Well, here’s hoping you get the opportunity. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish I didn’t get to stab anyone … yet.)

@Nick_theGeek Luck-eeee (in reply to Nick_theGeek Anytime I get to stab someone it’s a good day)

In an effort to get my kids used to a new school schedule, I made them go to bed early last night. My daughter is now fully dressed and asleep on the couch.

@JeanneDamoff Ah, well. The non-virtual world requires my full attention sometimes, & I’m happy to oblige.

I love the smell of Amdro fire ant killer in the morning. Die, fire ant scum!

@dannyjbixby Thanks for sharing. (in reply to dannyjbixby Two pounds of steak at dinner = intestinal crisis the next morning…)

@Helenatrandom Oh come on! That song is a classic. “Never trust a big butt & a smile”? Epic.(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish You expect me to know rap? Really??)

@redclaydiaries Hold the phones, we have a winner: in reply to redclaydiaries @buzzbyannies @katdish @Helenatrandom Did “She’s Poison” get figured out? Isn’t that Bel Biv Devoe?)

@NilsenLife Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. (in reply to NilsenLife @katdish are you kidding? I always have Van Halen in my head. lol.)

@Helenatrandom Oooo! Do you remember that song called “She’s Poison”? Who sang that? (in reply to Helenatrandom @buzzbyannies That’s Poison.)

@marciw7 The Walmart school supply aisle is a war zone to be avoided if possible. (in reply to marciw7 @katdish wat happened to getting them at wal mart? are they “trying” to be more efficent? hang in there!)

Meanwhile, no line in the “haven’t bought school supplies yet” section. I knew I should have stayed a slacker mom.

Waiting in line for school supplies. That I’ve already paid for. Did I mention that I’ve already paid for them?

I really like it when she agrees with me @amysorrells

@amysorrells RT @katdish: I love the way she does twitter recommendations @MaryDeMuth // yep!!!

I love the way she does twitter recommendations @MaryDeMuth

RT @myapronstrings: Oh my gosh I have a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalker. Especially right after school. Still listening…

My daughter bought a dog toy for @buddylovethedog. His name is Justin Beaver.

“Cheat your landlord if you can & must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You cannot fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.” – William Burroughs

Answer: Chick-fil-a. Question: Where should you never go at noon in Katy, TX?

Okay. Gotta go interface with the non-virtual world

@amysorrells pot… (in reply to amysorrells @katdish kettle . . .)

I just got a fail whale. Everybody stop talking for a sec…

“Look for more from this talented author in the future” ~ Library Journal (@billycoffey)

RT @shanonpstowe Congrats to @billycoffey — @LibraryJournal calls his new novel “Snow Day” ‘…a sure bet…’

@dukeslee wanted to share this pic I took when our whole church went camping. I looked up and there it was.

@Helenatrandom Don’t confuse the issue, Helen. Inquiring minds wanna know… (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I don’t think she was talking about Sweet Baby Jesus on this post at all…)

For the love of Sweet Baby Jesus, would someone please tell me who @redclaydiaries is talking about?:

Gus: Shaun, you’ve never read the Bible have you? Shaun: Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Doooo the right thing!

Mr Guster, sorry to interrupt, but there’s a Lt. Crunch here to see you. Shaun: Actually, I’ve been promoted. It’s Captain Crunch. #psych

@CassandraFrear especially the purse my sister gave me for my b-day. You could fit a German Shepherd in there (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Good thing, I’m not with you. One of them might go home in your purse.)

@TchrEric I think I read that in the cookbook “101 ways to wok your dog” (in reply to TchrEric @katdish It’s all in the presentation my dear…(and the correct herbs and spices)….)

@TchrEric Of course, I can’t speak for other parts of the world, where the latter may be true.

@TchrEric Apparently, there’s such a thing as dog bakeries. Meaning they make treats for dogs, not out of them. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Oh Kat…I am sure someone already has…and, the our society is at times, they probably are making good money from the endeavor.)

Happy Birthday @herbiegookins, wherever you are!

@kelybreez You’re eating dog food? Is this a subtle attempt for sympathy seed funding? (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Hey, kat, don’t knock ’em till ya try ’em! They’re better than people Cheetos.)

Life sized Barbie sold separately.

Cheetos. For dogs. (rolls eyes)

Overheard at Petsmart: Someone needs to invent a birthday cake for dogs. Um….no.

@kelybreez I rest my case. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish I say, “Honey, if it’s more than three things, ya gotta make a list.” And still I have to call.)

You can spot married men at the grocery store. They’re the ones staring blankly at the shelves talking on their cell phones.

@RachelleGardner Nice save. (in reply to RachelleGardner Due to a rickety table in @Starbucks, my entire (untasted) grande Americano is all over me & the floor. Laptop unharmed!)

My daughter wants new bedroom furniture. Her request is simple: bed, dresser & desk. Oh, & they need to be lime green.

RT @marni71 I’m Shaun and this is MC Clap Yo Hands…with a z! #Psych

I have just received an email. I am overwhelmingly excited! PCB has been spotted. Pictures have been taken. #Ineedalife

Chicken Soup for the Twitter ho’s soul

image courtesy of

So, I was doing some “research” for Friday’s post about horrible teacher gifts, and the topic of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series of books came up. If I had a dollar for every one of those books that were published, I would feel really guilty about charging people a dollar for one of those books! If your so inclined, check out this Wikipedia link, which has an alphabetical listing of all of them. Frightning. In other news, @billycoffey is getting a little uppity with me again.

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Answer: Tell me what you really think. Question: What’s something you’ll probably never need to say to me?

@MarketerMikeE areyougoingtodothisalldaylong? #oneword (in reply to MarketerMikeE Friend #oneword)

@curtharding I used to tell my old boss, “It’s not so much you blowing your nose that bothers me. It’s when the geese hit the window.”

@MarketerMikeE Stopdoingthat #oneword (in reply to MarketerMikeE Weekend #oneword)

RT @dutchhillgirl @billycoffey I see… But you should know by now that women are always right. 😉 @katdish

@billycoffey You’re welcome. (in reply to billycoffey @dutchhillgirl See what I have to put up with?)

See what I mean? >RT @billycoffey: @katdish Oh shut up!

In case any of you are wondering, when @billycoffey tells me to “shut up”, he actually means, “katdish, you’re right”

@amysorrells How about if I just re-gift you one? (in reply to amysorrells @katdish You couldn’t have picked a more perfect metaphor. Don’t ever buy me one of those things.)

@amysorrells Thanks. Tell me I’m wrong about the Chicken Soup books. You know it’s true.

@Helenatrandom I’m good. Just finished writing my post. Thanks for following the 11th commandment: Thou shalt RT @billycoffey’s posts.

@JCWert That probably should have been a DM, Jason. Snort! (in reply to JCWert @katdish I actually enjoyed Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Fan’s Soul.)

“Chicken Soup for the School Crossing Guard’s Soul”? I rest my case.

The Chicken Soup for the Soul book conversation is leaning towards proving my theory. It is simply a no-brainer gift.

@sarahmsalter No. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish @PeterPollock Okay, so would you be surprised to know that I’ve actually read a couple of them?)

@PeterPollock Snort! My thoughts exactly. (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I’ve seen them on the shelves but I’ve never actually seen on ‘in the wild’. I thought they were just there to decorate the store)

@PeterPollock No, Peter. Actual chicken soup made out of souls….Yes, the books! (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish Does anyone ever buy Chicken Soup for the Soul books?)

Does anyone ever buy Chicken Soup for the Soul books to read? Or are they strictly purchased to give as gifts?

@sarahmsalter Do they teach math in NC? (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish At the dollar stores here, NOT everything is a dollar.)

#FOTTSP: Bringing quality, in depth information & entertainment since the late 70s presents: Angry Panda

Everyone should start their day with a little Ninja Cat:

@MarketerMikeE Snort! (in reply to MarketerMikeE RT @katdish: @PeterPollock I love your accent! Like buttah! // Yep, and when he puts on the Barry White music, Wow!)

That would be me >RT @PeterPollock: I spoke to a Texan lady today. She didn’t sound as if she should look like boss Hogg at all.

In preparation for the beginning of the school year, I just ordered the first 4 seasons of #Psych from Netflix.

RT @ispeakcanadian: Raspberry vinaigrette, meet my pants. Pants, meet raspberry vinaigrette. So glad you two got so well acquainted so soon

It’s so encouraging to know that I’ve helped so many spam commenters with their college assignments.

@redclaydiaries Psssst! Do NOT say “Ass Clown”. (in reply to redclaydiaries In meeting w/ @charliewetzel, @johncmaxwell & others on publishing & social media. (Waiting till agenda includes me.)

RT @billycoffey Just got off the phone with @AcquireGuy about my second novel, Paper Angels. Awesome guy. We’re both very excited

@billycoffey Yeah. I’m sure you did. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I meant that in the nicest way possible.)

@billycoffey “You people”? Mmm hmmm….I see how you are. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Figures. You people don’t do much that’s small and quiet.)

@billycoffey Big and loud. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish @marni71 Morning ladies. How’s life in Texas?)

@billycoffey That pretty much applies to any morning for me. Good morning! (in reply to billycoffey Tuesday mornings are best tackled with coffee and laughter. My experience, anyway.)

Twitter won’t let me RT stuff. It’s making me stabby

@redclaydiaries Nor the facial hair I imagine. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Reminds me of the BeeGees. At 12, I was convinced that they were women. Tho I couldn’t reconcile that with all their lyrics)

@redclaydiaries Oh, be nice! She’s got a lovely voice! (in reply to redclaydiaries Justin Bieber local concert: Good news: his jeans are less shrink-wrapped than usual. Bad: purple shoes.)

@Brian_Russell Keep reaching for the stars, Brian! (in reply to Brian_Russell All my hard work to move everything in my office is working! Network performance up from POOR to MARGINAL!)

How much time do you spend on twitter? Find out here: (Apparently, I need to get out of my parent’s basement)

RT @BIGE8UP: Discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about 2 B devoured by great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

@Helenatrandom Thanks. I’ll be here all week.

“I asked my mother if I was adopted. She said, Not yet, but we placed an ad.” ~ Dana Snow

RT @marni71 I can hear 3 distinct crickets in my office, but can’t find them. Must. Control. Fist. Of. Death.

@gabbysherri Oh, and good morning.

@gabbysherri Don’t be buying a bunch of crap. (in reply to gabbysherri On my way to the thrift store. Today is 50 cent bargain day! WOOT! WOOT!)

@JCWert That’s because Jesus isn’t a spineless coward.

RT @JCWert Jesus wouldn’t leave anonymous comments attacking other Christians on their blogs. A follower of Christ shouldn’t either.

Tweeting from Echo#10 et. al.

image courtesy of (and they don't)

I didn’t write a twitter post  last Saturday because I spent the weekend camping, after spending the previous three days in Dallas at the Echo Church media conference. This is a highly edited (you’re welcome) list of random tweets, many of which were tweeted from Dallas or possibly between Houston and Dallas. If you’re new here, they are in backwards order, because I’m lazy like that…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter from the last 2 weeks:

Great! Now I’ve got THAT on my conscious!

Just deleted a spam comment that said “I have been kidnapped by the Russian mafia. If U don’t approve this comment they will kill me.”

@muchl8r Thanks, Jake. Your grumpy old manish disposition probably inspires many young folks as well. (in reply to muchl8r @Katdish HAPPY B-DIDDY LADY!!!!! Your immaturity inspires a lot of middle-aged and probably old people ;))

I think I’m officially middle-aged today. Fortunately, my immaturity gives the illusion of youth

I love my dog & cat, but dang. Back off!

@CassandraFrear @SandraHeskaKing @RobinMArnold Snort! Thanks for all the virtual birthday celebration! Holy chicken paraphernalia!

In my intro for today’s guest post, I mention that I hated high school. Now I’m getting friend requests on FB from people I went to HS

“Too bad the person sending it to me did not know 10 people who would admit knowing the Lord. I know 10 people.” (Okay, seriously?)

“If I don’t get this back, I will know you didn’t read it.” ~ massive stupid email. Actually I did read it. It’s just lame

RT @Jasonajefferson: “The cops put me on this son of a bitch”-exactly what I want to hear from the guy who sits next to me on the Greyhound.

“Okay, people. We’re going to need a Speak & Spell and 7 pounds of mashed potatoes.” – Shaun, #psych

@PrairieLady Coward! I grew up driving in Houston. Which means I will tailgate you until you get out of my lane. (in reply to PrairieLady @katdish Wait … I don’t think I’d drive in Houston at all if I were paid! ha!)

@marni71 Tell him I’ll send him 20 bucks if he lets you twitpic him spinning in an oversized dryer (in reply to marni71 @katdish But on a high note, Dane and I have a date night tonight. Granted it’s at the laundromat, but still…)

Holy Human Hamster Balls!

The creepiest thing I’ve seen in a long time, & I watched a gator eat a frog yesterday: Trololo on #FOTTSP

FINALLY home again, after six days. And now for laundry…

@MarketerMikeE I just give it over to God. Like it says in the bible,”I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.” OSLT. (in reply to MarketerMikeE @katdish poor thing. Praying for you.)

@HisFireFly Wow! No a/c & only 2 channels? Do you make your own butter, too? Betcha have a heater in the winter, tho.

Not to mention the 3G is spotty at best. Snort!

Really roughing it this weekend. The air conditioned camper we rented only picks up local channels. No cable.

@katiemoon You had to add the quotation marks? Great hanging out this week! Thanks. (in reply to katiemoon @katdish so glad we connected this week, kathy! enjoy ‘camping’ : ))

I will be attending Not Losing yourself in social media this morning & sending out constant updates to all my followers

@FakeMediaGuy Oh, I see you now! (in reply to FakeMediaGuy @katdish I’m at Watermark Community Church in Dallas. I’m the guy wearing blue jeans and carrying a smartphone. #echo10)

@FakeMediaGuy Where are you? Who are you? #echo10

Sorry I haven’t been tweeting, but seeing everyone else do it makes me want to not do it. I heart non-conformity. #echo10

@marni71 Youre such a giver (in reply to marni71 @katdish I’ll just drive fast to the church and u can hang ur head out the window. #I’mhereforyou)

Judging by the mighty power of the hotel blow dryer, my hair should be dry in about an hour & 1/2

Let it be known that #echo10 played the double rainbow video, but #FOTTSP played it first @weightwhat

RT @foxnews: Thank you, headline gods: Naked New Mexico hitchhiker burned prosthetic leg with crack pipe

They’ve already won the pleasure of my company #echo10

Who’s in the blog breakout session? The first person to find me wins a quarter. Except for @marni71 or @sarahmsalter.#echo10

Rode the elevator w/a guy wearing a fedora, graphic tee and horn rimmed glasses #echo10? #wildguess

BOOM! SHAKA! ~ Shaun #psych

You would think the Muzak version of Hall & Oates’ Private Eyes would be really bad. And you would be correct. #elevatortweet

@weightwhat Wow….that was freaky (in reply to weightwhat @katdish And then you punched him in the neck?)

This just in: My room smells like Ben-Gay. No idea why

@redclaydiaries No, I ever so discreetly punched him in the neck. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish …and then you cut him, right?)

@weightwhat @sarahmsalter No, but some guy asked me if my phone was telling jokes. I told him to mind his business.

@weightwhat You know what would be really scary? A Mary Kay Clown Conference.

@marni71 I’m here! Back in the room. I was getting strange looks from people b/c I was laughing at my phone (in reply to marni71 I’m worried about @katdish. She’s undercover and hasn’t tweeted in a bit. I hope she hasn’t crossed over to the dark side.)

@blowingupecho Define rock star pants. And if you wear them, come find me. #echo10

@weightwhat So you’re like some kind of evil middle man? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish No, they just have a way of finding me. I think they’re trying to get to you through me.)

@weightwhat Do you actively seek out clown blogs? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish I found a clown fail blog today and thought of you. Go figure.)

@redclaydiaries None yet. But I’m open to suggestions. (in reply to redclaydiaries @buzzbyannies I do not know. That would be epic. @katdish, what inappropriate question did you ask?)

@marni71 Oh, they don’t scare me. (in reply to marni71 @buzzbyannies I’m worried about @katdish being all Mary Kay-ed up and sitting in a hotel bar alone. Those drinkin Baptists can’t be trusted)

@buzzbyannies It would get very ugly. (in reply to buzzbyannies @redclaydiaries I’d just like to see @Katdish in the middle of a MK conference. #awesome)

In the hotel bar looking for Echo Conference attendees. Working undercover for the SBC. #echo10

@buzzbyannies Oh, I have that crap painted over. (in reply to buzzbyannies @redclaydiaries @Marni71 I never took @Katdish to be someone who gets her pink on.)

@redclaydiaries I’m holding out for a pink Range Rover. (in reply to redclaydiaries @marni71 A pink Cadillac to go with the ghetto nail art? Interesting look… @katdish)

@sarahmsalter Oh I’m harmless. Not really, but still. I won’t cut you. (in reply to sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Thanks. I’m just a little scared now. 🙂 @katdish)

@sarahmsalter Im good with the hello and goodbye hug. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Yeah, I didn’t figure you for a touchy-feely type. I’ll try to restrain myself.)

@marni71 oh, like you’re the first person to tell me that. (in reply to marni71 @katdish you are in NORTH Dallas it’s trendy and wealthy. How did u end up in a ghetto “massage parlor”? U need to be supervised.)

@CandySteele This nail salon was very strange. Some big sweaty guy came in for a “massage”. Ewh.

RT @marni71: @CandySteele tweetdick. I almost just peed myself.

@buzzbyannies @CandySteele trust me, you can tell. I think there’s an eyelash painted into my big toe

@CandySteele @buzzbyannies Worst pedicure ever. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Whaaa??? I thought this was a conference, not a beauty contest. First pedis and now Mary Kay?)

@buzzbyannies I’m at the hotel. Marns just texted me. Her and Sarah are looking for a Mary Kay convention

Having a pedi in the darkest nail salon ever watching a Vietnamese soap opera. Good times.

Downtown in rush hour traffic. Touché Dallas.

Dallas: I’m 50 miles away. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

@ButterflyBeacon You mean like asking him what’s up w/the platypus? Because that’s where I’m at intellectually (in reply to ButterflyBeacon RT @katdish: I think very random thoughts while driving. // So glad I’m not alone..actually I have interesting conversations with God.)

@buzzbyannies now Annie. You know I would never do that. Snort! (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Are you tweeting all this WHILE driving? If so, Texas should issue a travel advisory. Or warning.)

Corsicana…and buh bye.

Impossible for me not to smile when I hear Domino by Van Morrison.

@PensieveRobin I dunno. That cake in the rain song is a tear jerker. (in reply to PensieveRobin @katdish Saddest song evah!)

Confession: ABBA makes me stabby. Sorry @helenatrandom

Whenever I hear the song Cat’s in the Cradle, I feel compelled to make fun of it. Don’t know why

@MarketerMikeE Well duh. (in reply to MarketerMikeE Guess I’m the bigger sinner then.)

@MarketerMikeE I’m on I-45. Perfectly straight line. (in reply to MarketerMikeE RT @katdish: I think very random thoughts while driving.// Me too! I’m driving and thinking about tweeting. Oops. Oh crap.)

Also, there’s no such thing as a fresh bag of Boston baked beans. They’re selling old bags from the late 70’s.

For example, I think The Rolling Stones are the most overrated band in the history of music

I think very random thoughts while driving.

And…back on the road to @echoconference!

I’ll leave this one to the peanut gallery…

Yeah. It’s a giant beaver.

Passing thru Madisonville & had to stop here because, well, it’s Buc-ee’s

@Helenatrandom Well that’s a relief. I thought that Hwy patrolman was just being fresh. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Have fun. Be safe. Wear clean undies. I hear if you are in an auto accident, the undies are the first thing they check.)

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