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Why I hate "The Giving Tree" and why I love this blog

Okay – I’m going to fess up here. I’ve been super busy lately, and I was simply going to do a repost for today. So I was looking through some of my old posts and found one of my favorites: The Creative Process: A Step by Step Guide. If you’re new here and haven’t read it, I would highly recommend doing so. It’s me at my raging ADD best.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes! So I search my blog and find the post. Now, don’t get me wrong, I crack myself up. But what cracks me up even more is the fact that my friends who comment on this blog don’t feel burdened with the weight of staying on topic. It’s pretty much a free for all.

For those of you who don’t check the original post, here’s a brief summary:

My laundry needed to be done, I had some mismatched socks, I made some sock art and posted the process here. The end.

I also briefly mentioned that I hate the book, “The Giving Tree” here:

“You notice a metal sign that you bought at Ross on the clearance aisle a couple of months ago. It says “Children are the anchors that hold a mother’s heart.” Which you hate, because it reminds you of that children’s book “The Giving Tree”, which makes you want to leg drop that selfish little kid/man in that book. But, it was 2 bucks, and there’s no law saying you have to keep that dumb saying on there once you own it free and clear, now is there?”

There were a total of 37 comments related to this post. The comments (as often is the case) were WAY funnier and/or insightful than the original post. If you get some time, you really should go back and read them. But here’s the ones related to that wretched book.

Without further adieu, I give you, The Peanut Gallery:

January 2, 2009 5:32 PM
vanityofvanities said…
Kathy, you are hilarious! I love your sign.

WARNING: I am going off on a tangent and it will be story-length.

I hate The Giving Tree, too. You see, I was sitting in “the wives’ section” at a church softball game talking to one of my dearest friends, Erin. She is forever talking about little kids because she is a kindergarten teacher. That day was no different. We were discussing our favorite books as a child. (Incidentally, mine was Pokey the Little Puppy, but I digress.)

Hers was The Giving Tree. To her utter shock and dismay, I had never heard of the story. She began retelling the story and started crying as she spoke of the beautiful generosity the book teaches. (Oh yes, I was laughing at her the whole time.) She vowed to bring the book to the next game so I could appreciate the beauty and cry with her.

She read it to me (in true kindergarten teacher fashion). It did not make me cry. It made me furious. I then gave this impassioned speech about how the book teaches children two very awful things: 1. To take and take and take to the point that you actually kill (spiritually, emotionally, and physically) your victim, and 2. To enter into lopsided relationships whereby you completely lose your identity in that other person and only feel fulfillment as that person uses and abuses you.

It should either be called The Selfish Child or The Enabling Tree.

katdish said…
Angela – You’re such a bad*ss. I’m glad you’re my friend. I had the exact same reaction to that book. My daughter read it to me and I was like – “Well, I hope you don’t think it’s okay to treat people like that!” That tree needs some serious therapy!

January 2, 2009 9:32 PM
helen said…
I taught primary grades in a Catholic School for twelve years. Let me tell you something about The Giving Tree……I never read it to my students even once. It was read to me when I was a child by my teachers. Didn’t like the boy at all. Felt physical pain when the tree was being cut. Felt mental anguish that even as an old man, all he did was sit on the stump. No big revelation of what his selfishness cost Tree. If the tree represents God, and the boy/0ld man us, shouldn’t there at least be some sort of epiphany boy/Old man/we go through in order for the story to have a point. When other teachers would tell me how much they like the book, I would reply. “That’s nice……Have you ever read Bunnicula? Now that was a good story..” Think about it. At least Bunnicula had a point.

No, I am not just kissing up to Katdish because she is going to be the next SCL guest blogger or anything. Although if I were, I would be scoring higher on the SCL commentor score sheet. Dang. I’m not kissing up. I never liked that book. It made me cry, but not in a good way.

wv. debuti-when your first guest post on SCL is a short one, it is a debuti, rather than a debut

January 3, 2009 9:04 AM
Jeff said…
These comments are hilarious! One of the things that I love about your blog is that people can find so many awesome tangents in a post to comment on- you know I’m a tangent person.

I give a hearty “right on!” to the anti Giving Tree-ers out there; as a child, I was always thought the tree was shafted and the kid was an idiot. And I agree with Helen- this is nothing like what God has done for us- Christ’s sacrifice does NOT give us license to sit around on our butts.

w.v.- cramsto: How the car gets packed on the way home from camping.

January 3, 2009 11:23 AM
Mare said…
I had an incredible ethics class my junior year of college. We spent a good three hours one day ripping apart the giving tree. I think in the process we ripped apart a few of the students entire world perspective. That book…its not pretty. Don’t feel too bad for the tree though, she’s just as guilty. Very passive…possibly codependent

January 4, 2009 10:35 PM
Helen said…
Twitter? Where is it on your blog? Why haven’t you twittered today? Twitter.

(Did you notice that last comment? Ironic, no?)

Giving People the business and the handy, dandy toilet purse

Okay, sorry. I know I promised this yesterday, but the doggone non-virtual world was calling out my name. So, here we go. This week I thought I would be nice and post portions of conversations so you might better understand my tweets. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN EVERY WEEK, so you might as well just follow all the folks I talk to or you will be completely lost.

Well, you may be completely lost anyway, but I digress…

This week I got on my cranky twitter ho soapbox a couple of times and then was pretty much silly the rest of the time. (Shocking – I know.)

So without further adieu, the best (and the rest) of me on the twitter:

@PuriChristos You could spell it like “O” “8” and then the other word for donkey. The kids would love that.

@PuriChristos What happened to my suggestion of “big honkin’ building to do stuff in”? That’s gold!

in reply to PuriChristos had a meeting 2day. I’m happy with the results. Looks like we are going with “Oasis” as the name for the Family Life Center.

@llbarkat thanks. I am the opposite of subtle.

@RachelleGardner but you’re not MY agent! But I’m willing to hear your pitch.

in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish OK one more #pubtip: Leave your agent alone on a holiday weekend unless it’s an emergency!

@HerbieGookins Because my children are crapaholics, that’s why.

in reply to HerbieGookins @katdish You seem to be the undisputed queen of crap…er…treasures. Why is that??

@HerbieGookins I LOVE the treasure box! I get rid of lots of crap…er…treasures and donate them to the school

@RachelleGardner Oh, just ONE MORE PUB TIP? Come on…you know you want to…

in reply to RachelleGardner Computer is going OFF. I’m totally SERIOUS now.

Okay. I need chocolate…

RT @stretchmarkmama: @katdish I will smite you with the click of my mouse on the unfollow button! //YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME LISA!

@stretchmarkmama Don’t start…Besides, your tweets are always redeeming and educational…or not

RT @stretchmarkmama: @katdish But what if someone tweets about getting 400 followers? Then will you unfollow? Or simply turn them into salt?

@PuriChristos I said people I don’t know, Nick. You’re safe (for now).

@weightwhat Yes, yes and yes. I’m going 300 on the twitter…

in reply to weightwhat @katdish Will we need the chair and whip today? Or the body armor?

@br8kthru Nah, just Low Carb Monster, and I’m unfollowing annoying people (that I don’t know). So you’re safe

Also if you tell me what a twitter rock star you are and you’re actually being serious. Pull-eease!

Okay seriously people…If I’m following you and I see a tweet about how to get 1000 followers, Buh, bye!

I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I can tell the difference between nougat and cookie. #randomseinfeldquotes

The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. #randomseinfeldquotes

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? #randomseinfeldquotes

Serenity Now! Serenity Now! #randomseinfeldquotes

And you want to be my latex salesman #randomseinfeldquotes

I was in the POOL! #randomseinfeldquotes

The dingo ate your baby! #randomseinfeldquotes

@br8kthru That’s what she said

in reply to br8kthru @katdish OOH, whatnot! It’s been years since I’ve seen some good whatnot.

@br8kthru Yes. There will public denouncing and whatnot…

@TheBonnieGray I prefer “Her Royal Twitter Ho-ness”

AHEM! Also follow @billycoffey or I will viciously unfollow you!

@Helenatrandom Oops! Read that wrong….

@Helenatrandom How’s that?

ATTENTION PLEASE!!!! Follow @helenatrandom or I will viciously unfollow you!

@br8kthru It was intentional. @helenatrandom & I have had this conversation before.

in reply to br8kthru @katdish okay, I think it’s thingy, if singular and thingies, if plural. & did you spell ‘miner’ wrong on purpose? If so, gold!

@Helenatrandom But it’s actually “thingie”. You should know that, being an English miner.

@mabeswife CONGRATS! Awesome!

RT @mabeswife: Okay, my brother knows now so I cn spread the news. Attention: i’m having a baby. We R excited. Carry on abt yr business.

Oh, wait…there she is. Please disregard earlier rampage.

Where is @helenatrandom on my tweetdeck!?! Heads will ROLL, people! Get her back on here!

@JeanneDamoff Hee! Hee!

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Are we talking about “the business” again?

@JeanneDamoff Again…you’re a giver.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish You’re most kindly welcome. It brings me great joy to share the finer fruits of my English degree labors.

@arlenesg Dynamically clever? Ooo! Me likey!

@JeanneDamoff Thank you and I stand corrected.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Fine speech. Excellent points. Editorial remark: I believe the accepted spelling (according to industry standards) is “thingies.”

RT @godhasablog: @katdish Clearly. If it were, I’d have 837 billion followers. For sure.//Okay, @godhasablog agrees with me. How bout that?

Ahhh…I feel much better now

Again, LAME. Stepping down now…

And even if it is, your following is fake, because you don’t give a hoot about your followers, you just care about numbers.

And frankly, I think that’s LAME & you are completely missing the point of social media. It’s not a popularity contest.

If you unfollow me after 24 hrs, then I know that you have one of those automated follow robot thingys.

New refollow rule: Unless I know who you are, I will wait 24 hours before I decide whether to refollow you.

Scuse me, folks. I’m fixin to get up on my twitter soapbox…

@marni71 Snort! How old are we again?

in reply to marni71 @katdish Oh it is SO happening!!

@marni71 Just tell her you’re not going to be her BFF anymore. That’ll show her.

in reply to marni71 @katdish Want me to go all junior high on her and give her the stink eye when I see her next?

@marni71 It hurts ya know? Being snubbed by one of the nicest people on the twitter. It’s like I’m dead to @CandySteele

in reply to marni71 @katdish I feel ya. I was just trying to take the sting of rejection away…

@marni71 That excuse just isn’t working for me…

in reply to marni71 @katdish Yeah, she totally snubbed you.

@CandySteele Okay, that last tweet where I was talking to myself? That’s because you make me sad

@katdish And you mentioned @marni71 twice. I see how you are…

@CandySteele Are you ignoring me? You are, aren’t you?

in reply to CandySteele @redclaydiaries @billycoffey @marni71 @marni71 out of the shower and off to work – have a great day all!

@marni71 This conversation is going from bad to worse…

Nothing like starting your day with talk of toilet purses and pocket protectors.

@redclaydiaries Um….ewh.

in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish So I shouldn’t bring up my new idea: toilet pocket protector?

@redclaydiaries In your pockets. Okay, this conversation is grossing me out.

@redclaydiaries How about a toilet purse?

@CandySteele Morning Candy!

@BridgetChumbley I’m sitting in the carpool line cuz that’s what social media darlings do on their off time.

@redclaydiaries Snort! Bet that woke you up this morning…

He’s coming for you @redclaydiaries, and he looks angry…

Thank you alert DM stalker!9:51 PM Aug 31st from TweetDeck

RT @PuriChristos: @emptynestegg in man ways I am ambidextrous. I have wondered if I was suppose to be a leftie like my sis.//blog fodder!

@buzzbyannies Says @katdish, and I’m trying to write a blog post. Shhhh!!!!

in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Says who?

@buzzbyannies Girl, you can’t RT yourself!

@Brian_Russell Well get your geek on, Brian!8:40 PM Aug 31st from TweetDeck in reply to Brian_Russell Nerd alert: I have 3 web browsers, and used all of them in one sitting!

RT @CandySteele: @PuriChristos it’s back to throbbing. Better today though.//Ahh….blog fodder!

RT @MattTCoNP: @HeRockzDotCom Maybe Joel Osteen’s prosperity gospel is the porn of Christianity…//Maybe?????

@billycoffey I’m only on my first cup of coffee, Coffey. Gimme a break.

in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ahem, shouldn’t you be tending to a certain something for a certain someone?

@Helenatrandom Just as long as you promise to pick on him next week.

@billycoffey Oh, nobody likes a whiner.

in reply to billycoffey @katdish Helen likes me, obviously unlike someone else I know.

@Helenatrandom Why are you being nice to @billycoffey? It’s really not necessary…

So, I’ll see you sneaking off to unfollow me.

Oh, and thanks for all the new follows! As promised, I did a courtesy refollow. Now don’t unfollow me, because I have

@weightwhat That’s supposed to be “shameless self promotion”. Gaaa!

Just added myself to the twitter directory under: #jesus #writerblogger #add #painter #shame

RT @CandySteele: @katdish I just got followed by @ihateyou99 I feel so special//LAWSOME!

DANG! I can’t follow myself!

I need one more follower to break 800. Can I follow myself?

@PeterPollock I mean, that’s unfortunate.

@PeterPollock What a bunch of losers…

in reply to PeterPollock @katdish They trawl for people they can follow then go back some time later and unfollow everyone who isn’t following them.

@PeterPollock I don’t get how these bots work.

I have 795 followers. My 800th follower will get (drum roll please……) absolutely nothing – except maybe a courtesy re-follow.

RT @JeanneDamoff: @katdish Especially when it comes to giving “the business.”//that’s what she said!

@JeanneDamoff you’re such a giver.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish I’m thinking YouTube for free. I’m generous like that.

@JeanneDamoff You could probably get literally tens of dollars for that video on the black market.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Okay, then. Take video.

@JeanneDamoff It’s all or nothing, baby!

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Give it a try! Then let me know how it goes. (Without getting too graphic.)

@JeanneDamoff I have identified a location of a class, yes.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Aw. Thanks! πŸ™‚ Did you find a zumba class to join?

@JeanneDamoff Sort of like me…

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish “Giving me the business” ranks among my favorite phrases of all time. It’s so full of meaning in a meaningless sort of way.

@JeanneDamoff I’m good, thank you. “Giving you the business?” Snort! That could have several meanings…

@RachelleGardner Horse poop is the great equalizer.

in reply to RachelleGardner If you ever start thinking you’re “all that,” I recommend an afternoon mucking stalls. Shoveling horse poop keeps you humble.

@JeanneDamoff I’m gonna sign myself up for a zumba class. It’s been awhile since I publicly humiliated myself.

#FF @unmarketing and then follow his advice on HOW NOT TO BE ANNOYING ON THE TWITTER!

#FF – Follow me – because I put the asian in Caucasian.

Again…Sorry/You’re welcome!

The Art of the Twitter Unfollow

Subtitled: How to be unintentionally annoying on the twitter

Yes, I’m still in a mood…

Some people just have a knack for sucking the fun out of EVERYTHING! Case in point – people who think twitter is some contest to see who can get the most followers.

Okay, I openly admit that it’s a bit of an ego boost to have a bunch of followers, but that is SO not the point. It’s social media people – that’s means to socialize, not cover my tweetdeck with your ginormous head and tell me how you’ve been voted the top tweeter with the most followers. REALLY? That’s amazing considering the only other thing you ever tweet besides “Look how great I am” is lame @$$ jokes and tired old quotes that are no doubt automatically generated by some robot.

And yes, I will also openly admit that Twitter and other social media outlets are outstanding ways to promote an idea or even a product. But if you think you’re going to get me to pay attention to you just because you have a few thousand followers you’re wrong.

Engage me. Make me laugh or cry or think or pray or ponder an alternative opinion. But shut up about your stupid self all the time! Yeah, I talk about myself a lot, but that’s just me being adorably annoying. It’s what I do.

But I also have conversations with people. THAT’S SORT OF THE POINT.

Which bring me to my next point: These trolling services that seek out new people to follow so that you can get a courtesy refollow. Then, if the person doesn’t refollow you within a certain time (usually 24 hrs), it automatically unfollows that person. Unless the unsuspecting person uses, they never even know you unfollowed them. LAME, people! L-A-M-E!

So how do we fight this? Well first off, if you’re not signed up for Nutshell or similar service, do so. It will give you updates on follows, unfollows, DMs – replies, the whole she-bang sent to you via email. I dig it the most. Next, unless you know the person, wait 24 hours before you refollow them. If you get an alert from NutShell saying they have unfollowed you, then you will know that they could care less about your tweets. You’re just another lemming follower to them.

Know this – if I’m following you, it’s because I have taken the time to look over your profile and found you engaging in some way or another. Either that or you’re Chris Daughtry, who last time I checked IS STILL NOT FOLLOWING ME! But I’m not bitter…

And now that I have ranted incessantly on my Friday twitter update post, I have no room for tweets. But don’t worry – it was a banner week and I will update later today. Which, of course – I will tweet over and over again…


Gaining followers the old fashioned way: One annoying tweet at a time.

Squirrels, coffee and brownie in a cup

I was shocked and appauled at how few tweets I had this week. Mostly because even though I was on the computer quite a bit, I was actually working – like doing real worky stuff. Strange sensation, I gotta tell ya. I was however, sucked back into the twitter on several occassions, tried to leave, and then got sucked back in again. Okay, okay…I’m making excuses. It’s just too much fun sometimes! Besides, one of my tweets actually inspired @redclaydiaries to write a very touching blog post about squirrels and coffee. So there you go.

Also? Helen is back. So YAY!

Also? I still hate snarky anonymous comments. BOO!

And @rachellegardner – I’m sure brownie in a cup is wonderful. Just seems like a whole lot of trouble for not very much chocolatey deliciousness. Simmer down, girl.

The best (or not) of me on the twitter:

@beckfromfrogandtoad Oh….Canada. Cursed metric system!

@beckfromfrogandtoad I still can’t believe it’s 10 anywhere! It’s like 90 hundred degrees here with 200% humidity.

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: It is 10 out this morning. TEN. G’bye, summer. //TEN? Get out!

RT @tremendousnews: I spent the last 19 minutes trying to find William Hung on Twitter. Yes. That’s where I am in life. There.

RT @muchl8r: Not awake. Driving to work. Must be like those flying dreams. Admitedly though, i always fall in those. . .//Be careful!

@Helenatrandom Yeeeaahhh…I bet you have a few emails.

@Helenatrandom Are you back?

Just to tell you, I’m in a FOUL MOOD! And I will be ranting incessantly about it on my blog tomorrow. Grrrrr!

RT @unmarketing: There are people in this world that deserve your emotions, and those that don’t. Choose the former to focus on. //YESH!

@marni71 Where else? SCL

Those who can, do. Those who cannot leave snarky , unconstructive anonymous comments of other people’s blogs.

@marni71 Oh, dang…Sorry to hear that. (In reply to: @katdish No…it’s chili-bowl-ish. With curls. Gettin’ the visual?)

@marni71 I keep forgetting how thick your hair is. So is it Rosanne Rosana Danna-ish?

@PeterPollock Expect an email blast shortly…

Okay people! I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET TO WORK! Stop distracting me!

@RachelleGardner Except maybe the virtues of store bought cakes or brownies in a cup.

@RachelleGardner Oooo! It’s on like donkey kong! But I REALLY hope we never have anything to argue about. (In response to: @katdish Do you get feisty when someone argues with you? Cuz I’ll take you on, girl. Bring it.)

@billycoffey Yes. You are correct. (In response to: @katdish No. Because that’s pretty pointless, isn’t it?)

@Brian_Russell Brian, I never start anything. People just like to pick on me…(sheepish look)

@gyoung9751 You agree with Mr. Coffey? Hmph!

@billycoffey Are you arguing with me? (In response to: @katdish Experience has taught me otherwise.)

RT @br8kthru: @katdish womenfolk: your arms are just as capable of taking out the trash- do it once in a while. :)//Oooo! I’m telling!

Menfolk: The uterus is not a homing device. Find your own car keys.

But before I go…a public service announcement:

Okay. Gotta get off the twitter. Got some work to do.

RT @simonleung: “I’ve been hanging around Chinese people so much lately… I forgot I’m Vietnamese!” – Aimee Vo (@aimeevo)

Oh, shameless self promotion, how I love thee…

RT @ProfessionalOne: There are over 200,000,000 Blogs//But not nearly as many worth reading. Mine, for instance…

@katdish Or to the Walmarts.

@RachelleGardner I wonder that every time I go to the book store.

RT @RachelleGardner: evr get frustrated trying 2 get a book deal, & then wonder y so many BAD books get published?

Great interview: @TheBonnieGray interviews @billycoffey. No, really…it’s very good. Would I lie to you?

RT @redclaydiaries: New blog post, inspired by @katdish. I’m sorry/You’re welcome.

@shrinkingcamel There’s no “I” in TEAM, but there is ME.

RT @tylerstanton: Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things. #wisdompearls

Okay peeps! Gotta get some shut eye. 6AM comes pretty early. Sometimes as early as 6AM. G’night!

I realize that @redclaydiaries is probably asleep, but I needed to share this with her:

@becca_homefront Well, just between you and me – she’s a bit gassy.

That’s one strange kid. Must take after her father…

8yo daughter informed me she did not have chocolate milk at school because she is 1/2 lactose intolerant. What does that even mean?

@WinLiannefield What are struggles in life if not blog fodder?

Could the BE anymore paperwork to fill out for my kid’s school? Not that I’m complaining. But I totally am…

Fixing what’s broken by @billycoffey (There – HAPPY now?)

@billycoffey What’s that?….Mmm, hmm. Thought so…

@billycoffey Maybe I’m working on something for someone else. And maybe I’ll just stop doing that. How’s that work for ya? (In response to: I have to post on @katdish’s blog because she won’t get off Twitter. Fixing what’s broken:

@katdish Oooo! Heading over there…beware the wrath of @katdish cowardly Anonymous!

RT @prodigaljohn: A hateful blog comment with no name deserves a response with no words. (Or a “badger gram” but badgers are hard to mail)

RT @annalisa2: β€œDon’t write down to your readers. The ones dumber than you can’t read.”//BA HA HA! Good one.

@br8kthru You’re welcome. Now go read my blog…

Just had 2 Ginkgo Bilobas with a low carb monster chaser. Bring it, Foo!

@redclaydiaries Yes. Perhaps the George Costanza approach to life is fitting…

@JeanneDamoff I would think you would be a literary agent’s dream come true.

@marni71 Let me put it this way – if they had a debate team in the 3rd grade, my daughter would be president of it.

RT @unmarketing: Hey you, ya the one that just tagged me in a Facebook note just so I’d read it. You’re a jackass.//Ah, honesty! Refreshing.

How not to suck as a Leader by @shrinkingcamel (who sucks at linking his blog posts)

RT @shrinkingcamel: The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist. //HA! Brilliant!

@HerbieGookins This much I know is true…(In reply to: @katdish My dorkiness knows no bounds.)

@HerbieGookins You are so cool in your dorkiness.

@BridgetChumbley Barely. I boxed up all her Barbies in a fit of rage. But she’s okay with it.

RT @marni71: @br8kthru don’t listen to the haters…not everyone can rawk the sweater vests.//And stripes to boot!

RT @br8kthru: @PeterPollock you better zip it, Peter! You’re just jealous of my nerdy machismo //Just tell me you’re not wearing plaid pants

@br8kthru Alaskan beer in Texas chili? Dunno about that…

@pwilson Man card violation pending…(In response to: Stopping for a green tea frappucino on my way back to the 6pm @crosspoint_tv. It’s my latest addiction.)

Gotta go buy some beer. No – for chili.

@shrinkingcamel Now you’re talking…2:47 PM Aug 23rd from TweetDeck in reply to shrinkingcamel (In response to: OMGhost! I will hunt down wireless in this God-forsaken beach town. //Or, I will steal my wife’s precious i-phone)

@shrinkingcamel You’re posting for me this week! How are you going to respond to your adoring fans? (In response to: The only prob- no – internet – access — HE-L-P — M-EE (gasp)

RT @jewda4: R dog freaks out whenever I make an elephant noise. Only a long car trip could provide such valuable & entertaining information.

Typically have 10 to 12 kiddos at church. Today 26. At a church plant, there’s only so much planning you can do. God brings who he brings.

Son starts junior high tomorrow. Who me? Nervous? Um, yes.

@Brian_Russell Rock, indeed.

I’m sass talking @weightwhat via direct messaging! Mwha ha ha!

My daugther’s room is an unmitigated disaster from her slumber party last night. I mean IT. IS. BAD

RT @AlexGoodall: Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. //Okay, that’s just funny right there

@prodigaljohn HEY! The snuggie is my signature giveaway! Oh…whatever!

@billycoffey Ooo! Market a cologne called “new book”. Like “the beach” from Kramer.

@muchl8r Aren’t you following Gangsta Steph?

@redclaydiaries And you’re an authority on gangstas?

@MichaelHyatt Or the estrogen… (In response to: The Woman of Faith conference has just begun. You can’t imagine the energy in this room!)

@muchl8r Fo shizzle.

@muchl8r Vato to you to. What’s Vato?

And yes, I know it’s Saturday. But you’re not the boss of me.

#ff @muchl8r because he embraces his grumpiness. It works for him.

#ff Follow @asilannax Because she ate a cupcake with a Q-tip.

#ff @shrinkingcamel because he’s really not a camel.

@asilannax You ate a cupcake with a Q-tip? Okay, that’s just weird…

RT @asilannax: I 8 a cupcake w/ a Q-Tip. y? b/c I’m cute & quirky, that’s y! Actual reason: I might B slightly mentally disturbed.

Follow Friday: @chrissulli Because he really needs to step up his twitter game.

As always – Sorry/You’re welcome.

Bon Qui Qui, private emails, and thinly veiled threats of violence

I jumped in a conversation this week between @JeanneDamoff and @redclaydiaries about Bon Qui Qui, who I think is hilarious. But it occurred to me that some of you might not know who Bon Qui Qui is. Hence the above video. It’s a wonder I was even on the twitter at all this week considering the barrage of multiple recepient emails flying back and forth, but I managed quite a few tweets somehow. Many of these tweets will reference one such email, so they will only make sense to those people on the email list. But as I’ve said in the past, this post is primarily for my own enjoyment. Because as you know, I crack myself up. So there you go…

The best (or not) of me on the twitter this week:

@RachelleGardner Shhhhh!!!!! She can read you know! Besides, she won. White cake, orange frosting.

My daughter wants to bake a cake. My attempts to convince her of the superiority of store bought cakes have failed.


RT @marni71: @katdish @weightwhat @HerbieGookins @ redclaydiaries. Sherri just emailed us. She said Big Al is bored stiff. TWSS.

So, how do the google ads in the sidebar work? How is it that there’s an ad that says “Don’t eat me piggy t-shirts?”

@HerbieGookins If you get Mike Rowe to come to your house, you’d better find some room for me, too…

Sherri spreads lies and half-truths about her friends for all the world to see:

@lizzyarmentrout of course I have. I’m the administrator of it. One blog many contributors. Like a Mensa think tank, okay nothing like that.

Do you read the smartypants blog? It’s influence must be growing.

@Brian_Russell Sigh…that made me laugh.

RT @Brian_Russell: You know you’re grumpy when you get angry at your flagrant use of “yah” instead of “yeah” in an IM conversation.


Whoa…I just got Rick rolled by @weightwhat ‘s blog.

Okay, sheesh! Gotta lay down some wisdom in the comments section. Who wrote a post today?

@PrairieLady Oh, I’ve scared him off for now. Which is good. He’s got work to do.

@billycoffey Run, but you can’t hide…

RT @weightwhat: @billycoffey Are you sure @katdish isn’t omnipresent? //I knew you were going to say that…

@marni71 @billycoffey. uh-huh…I see how you are. Can you endure the wrath of @katdish?

@billycoffey I think one half samuri trumps one quarter Cherokee. Just saying.

@billycoffey don’t you get sassy with me young man! I’ll go samuri on you!

@billycoffey i’m at the dentist’s office. I can’t keep up. What the heck are y’all talking about? Gaaa!

@redclaydiaries Get your mind out of the gutter. And yes, that email conversation was delightful, no?

@marni71 Well dang. Now I’m hungry, and I don’t have any bananas or nuts….

@redclaydiaries You should have a Big Al smoothie.

@CandySteele She’ll never see your tweet. She can’t even figure out how to get on the twitter!

Everyone please follow @gabbysherri It may take awhile before she refollows, because she forgot her user name.

@buzzbyannies I wonder how many typos she could make in 140 characters or less.

@CandySteele @buzzbyannies We might just get Sherri on the twitter after all…

@buzzbyannies Hmm….I dunno I think it might be Al right to mention it.

@buzzbyannies @CandySteele Good Morning! What’s for breakfast? (Snort!)

@weightwhat Platonic bathing incident…

@marni71 @weightwhat Go check the email…

@PeterPollock I ALWAYS go there…

@tremendousnews So basically, what you’re saying is that you have hair where monkeys don’t?

RT @br8kthru: @katdish besides if anyone knows disturbing, it’s me.//Yeah, you’re all up in disturbing…

@br8kthru Judge not, lest you be judged.

RT @godhasablog: @katdish Jiminy Cripple? //BA! HA! HA!

@br8kthru Ahhh, that’s the beauty of twitter. Sometimes it makes no sense at all.

@marni71 We should market our butt fat to skinny lipped celebrities.

Dear @godhasablog – what DO you call a grasshopper with one leg?

@marni71 I figured people would be googling your lips. Who did them anyway?

@marni71 Did you notice that someone is googling your sunglasses?

@godhasablog thanks be to you for leaving a comment on my blog. Ask and ye shall receive…

@RachelleGardner Congrats! You now represent at least 2 potential best selling novelists.

This cat is pushing a watermelon out of a lake. Your argument is invalid:

Okay, people! My kids need haircuts. Be back later to enhance all your lives thru the power of social media.

@PuriChristos Okay, Nick. Let me finish writing my smartypants opus first. Gotta go!

@indymavs You’re welcome. Now don’t unfollow me or I will publicly berate you via the twitter.

@CandySteele I’m channeling Sherri through my recipe emails.

50. RT @br8kthru: @katdish I told her, Jesus took away my shame. // You have the spiritual gift of sarcasm. I dig that

RT @redclaydiaries: @br8kthru @katdish @weightwhat OH DEAR GOD. WHAT HAVE U DONE TO PETER?! HAVE YOU NO SHAME? //Of course we don’t.

@oliveshoot You can’t just tweet “poop in my dryer” and then leave it at that. We need follow up.

@marni71 So you just jump on the twitter and announce your dinner? I’m fine, thank you.

@BridgetChumbley I’m not sure where @billycoffey is. Probably hunting garbage can bears.

@br8kthru @weightwhat Again…NOT MY FAULT.

Can I be honest? I have absolutely no interest in the comings and goings of Lady Ga Ga.

RT @shrinkingcamel: @katdish Oh boy, here we go. Where’s the spanking machine at? //Snort!

@shrinkingcamel You’re still following me, aren’t you Bradley?

@br8kthru Why do I suddenly have the urge to watch The Muppet Show?

RT @br8kthru: @peterpollock Beauty has a new name: Peterlyn Monroe (please don’t hate me) //That ain’t right!

RT @br8kthru: @PeterPollock @katdish @jeanneDamoff okay give me a minute and we’ll be ready to roll… (warning: it has bosoms)

@PeterPollock @br8kthru @JeanneDamoff I’m giddy with anticipation…

RT @br8kthru: @JeanneDamoff and the enough-knowledge-of-photoshop-to-morph-a-picture set

@PeterPollock Mwha-ha-ha!

@PeterPollock Since when do I have any power? I am but a meek and lowly homemaker.

@PeterPollock @br8kthru I would just like to go on the record as saying this was not my fault. That is all. Carry on.

@joannesher What’s another word for synonym?

@PeterPollock I just got a VERY BAD VISUAL of you Peter!

@JeanneDamoff You’re so eloquent in your sarcasm…

@JeanneDamoff Scurvy is really not an area of expertise for @redclaydiaries. She is, however, an expert on multiple laundry baskets.

@redclaydiaries Scurvy? In response to what?

@katdish Not that I care…(sniff, sniff)

@redclaydiaries I can’t believe I missed a conversation with @godhasablog Who, BTW has not commented on my blog for some time now.

@JeanneDamoff Ahhh…sometimes I just can’t help myself. Okay, most of the time.

@JeanneDamoff He’s better than a multi-vitaman? Yes, reading @billycoffey doesn’t make your pee stink

@JeanneDamoff Yay! I saw your comment on FB via email yesterday, but then I got distra….Oooo! Shiny

Time to cut and paste a blog post…

Time to go write a blog post. Oh, wait…tomorrow’s Monday. @billycoffey wrote a blog post.

@Brian_Russell Yeah, yeah…everyone’s a critic.

Or should I say Leonardo Da Vinci?

Lee-da-nardo Da Finka (This is how my daughter pronouces Leonardo Da Vanci.

@CandySteele Perhaps you misplaced them in the corn.

I am being sass talked via direct messaging.8:34 PM Aug 16th from TweetDeck

I will now go attempt to lull them to sleep with a lullaby. If that fails, I’ll threaten to take away all electronic media.

My kids start school in a week. They both slept until 11:00 am on Saturday morning. Me thinks we need to set a new bed time.

@CandySteele Nah, I lived in Charlotte, NC. Race tracks don’t scare me. Mostly John Cougar Mellencamp.

@CandySteele Don’t threaten me with corn, Candy. @HerbieGookins has tried to scare me with Indiana. I will not be silenced!

@marni71 Do you think Iowa can handle the both of us? Texas, yes. The other states? Not so sure…

@marni71 I find it amusing that @MattTCoNP is pimping his blog via the twitter. You know, the thing he swore he’d never be on?

Yet another interview with @billycoffey. That guy is EVERYWHERE!

They say the eyes are the windows to a person’s soul. I say their DM’s are…

Because mastering the game of corn hole isn’t enough for @pwilson:

If you want a refollow, then tweet something interesting. I don’t even have to agree with you.

@emptynestegg There’s a fine line between appealing and appalling, no?

Why do people keep following me, then unfollowing me, then following me again? Make up your mind already!

@arlenesg And can someone really get too big for their bitches?

@arlenesg Um…was that a typo in that last tweet? Read it again. (snort)

So…I’m looking thru some of @prodigaljohn ‘s posts , and someone referred to @purichristos (Nick the Geek) as Nick the Nerd (BA HA HA!)

RT @br8kthru: @weightwhat it’s just misunderstood that’s all. It wants to know what love is. It wants you to show it…

RT @pwilson: @katdish I can’t believe you doubt me. I’ll show you.//You don’t need to play well – look at Alanis Morrisette. She’s awful

By a show of hands, how many people think @pwilson will actually learn to play the harmonica?

Where are the men folk? I feel the need to make someone uncomfortable.

@weightwhat That br8kdish was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. Who knew 2 such fabulous looking people could look so bad?

@Helenatrandom You’re not dissing Agatha Christie are you? Ah will cut you…

@redclaydiaries Yes, and then wrap your body in the snuggie.

@JeanneDamoff For the record, I was NOT threatening to cut Steph, just whoever was lurking. She was my ride.

@JeanneDamoff Did Steph write a post? Look! Flying pigs!

@redclaydiaries Ah am not tryin tah fight you. There wount be no fight. Ain’t that right Da-wayne?

@redclaydiaries Ah will still cut you… @BonQuiQui #madeuptwitternames

@buzzbyannies That’s not crap…uh, well…What-ev!

@buzzbyannies Sorry. You know I’m anti-crap.

#FF Follow @billycoffey so you can say you followed him before he was famous.

As always…Sorry/You’re welcome!

This week on the twitter: Family feuds, bacon donuts, and John C. Maxwell riding on Shamu

Despite spending much time away from my computer this week, I still got in a few marathon rounds on the twitter. My friend @helenatrandom was sorely missed this week. It seems her laptop was sent out for repairs. But hopefully, she will be back soon to help me in my quest to enrich lives through the power of social media.

I was able to give some sound (or not) relationship advice via direct messaging, discuss the merits of bacon in baked goods, and perhaps even lay the groundwork for a redneck family feud back in my home state of Virginia. Ahh…life is good.

Without further adieu, the best (or not) of me on the twitter:

@JeanneDamoff Did I miss you on the twitter again? Dang!

@marklamberti The most annoying sound in the world? Do you know my family?

Thank you. Carry on with your bantering…

Okay, seriously. Cannot get sucked into the twitter. I have to write something!

@BridgetChumbley You really should raise your standards…

@SteveGarufi Are you following @billycoffey? He’s the real rabid Yankee fan. (Besides you, that is.)

@weightwhat Sigh…I know the feeling. The life of a social media darling is not all champagne and roses

@weightwhat Yesh, I bow to your twitter ho-ness.

@weightwhat Are the air quotes implied when you say “special”?

@lizzyarmentrout I’m never quiet. I’m just being loud elsewhere…

My “mentions” column is completely empty. Does this mean no one is talking about @katdish?

@br8kthru How much creativity does it take to send someone something like that? Be original for crying out loud!

@br8kthru Delete, delete, delete! Facebook bugs me…

RT @PeterPollock: Facebook just asked me if I want to view 151 new posts. Ummm… no thank you!//Exactly!

I’ve written several childrens books. Not on purpose. – Steven Wright

@marni71 Indeed! (sideways smiley face wink emoticon)

@redclaydiaries Crazy Steve:

@redclaydiaries Drake and Josh? Hello?

@redclaydiaries Alternate universe: Crazy Steve is mine.

@becca_homefront Where have you been young lady?!?

@marni71 Spencer or Crazy Steve. Anyway you slice it, I love that guy!

@marni71 I am also watching educational television: iCarley

@redclaydiaries I’d like to see @johncmaxwell riding Shamu as he jumps out of the water. Set that up for me, will ya?

@redclaydiaries YOU LIFT ME UUUUUPPPP!!!!!

@PeterPollock I just figured @michaelhyatt might need a boost from my mighty following.

RT @billycoffey: @katdish Cheater!//I play hardball.

@muchl8r I can’t wait to be old and inappropriate. As opposed to middle aged and inappropriate.

@billycoffey Oh you don’t scare me….much.

@ @katdish – 1 @billycoffey – 0

RT @emptynestegg: @billycoffey wait are you a Yankee fan???//Do you not know him AT ALL?

@muchl8r So, is she like @helenatrandom? She loves Jesus but she drinks a little?

@emptynestegg That’s okay…I know you like me best.

@billycoffey Are you trying to tarnish my family name? Because if you are, you’re way too late for that.

@muchl8r Your grandma works at the liquor store?

@emptynestegg All major credit cards accepted. Except Discover. Nobody takes Discover except for Sears

Grandma Lee just beat out a bunch of drag queens on America’s Got Talent. Who says there’s nothing good on television?

@billycoffey That might be a problem, as many of my relatives have had their drivers license temporarily suspended…

@billycoffey Fine. We’ll meet the Coffeys at the Rivah!

@billycoffey The Dishmans are a pretty scary bunch…

@billycoffey I know you live in VA, and I have lots of kinfolk that could track you down…

@beckfromfrogandtoad I had a sewing teacher tell me that I should just give up. Which sucked because she was also my mom.

@marni71 Is @stacyasmallSFL personally responsible for vampire neutering?

@billycoffey Now be nice or I’ll get @weightwhat on here.

@billycoffey AHEM! I’m still here…

@Helenatrandom Helen! My sweet Helen! When are you getting your computer back?

@redclaydiaries No refunds. I get 10% of the proceeds.

@redclaydiaries You can’t sneak up on me!

@billycoffey Sheesh! Don’t sneak up on me like that! Stalker!

@billycoffey (Whistling and looking skyward…) (In response to @billycoffey: was that directed at me?)

HA! Take that 140 character limit

@BridgetChumbley So they don’t have to keep checking back to see if there’s a new post up.

@BridgetChumbley But as ADD as I tend to be, I think posting at the same time every day helps. Readers know when a new post will be up.

@BridgetChumbley I dunno. I think M-W-F is a good schedule. I have 2 guest posts per week, plus a rerun on Saturday.

@BridgetChumbley More than once what? A week? You should lower your standards. Works for me.

@redclaydiaries It’s a must for a social media darling…

@redclaydiaries Kindle e-book app? Where is that? Give us the Precious! We wants it!

Am I the only person that actually schedules their blog post for the same time every day?

@PeterPollock Oh, well that’s even worse! What is it with you writer types?

@Power2BThin Okay thanks. But just to tell you, I still like greasy tacos…

@PeterPollock Is this your lazy post linking @michaelhyatt ?

RT @marni71: @katdish Get thee behind me satan!! Er, uh, I mean, yeah, I love Jack in the Box tacos too.

@redclaydiaries No, authentic katdish. Much more valuable.

Dear @power2bthin – why the unfollow? It was the bacon donut comment, huh? Or maybe the greasy tacos?

@marni71 I love Jack in the Box tacos. I like to remove the pesky crispy part and just go for the grease soaked portions.

@redclaydiaries I’m saying he CAIN’T quit me! Many have unfollowed only to return. Begging forgiveness.

@BigBags You’re grovin’ in you cube? Is that like groovin’ with clogs?

RT @redclaydiaries: @PeterPollock Sounds like you need @katdish aversion therapy.//The genie is out of the bottle. It cannot be undone.

Sigh…I miss @helenatrandom

@weightwhat Cue the creepy twilight zone music!

RT @redclaydiaries: @weightwhat And by the way, you’re dead to @katdish. (Is that like being dead to your sins?)/It’s exactly like that.

@redclaydiaries Oh wait…there she is. Nevermind.

@redclaydiaries No. I can’t see her. She’s dead to me.

@redclaydiaries Oh, okay…so if @billycoffey talks to you, that makes you significant? What am I? Bacon donut?

@WinLiannefield Do you know what that bacon muffin needs? Ham sandwich.

@redclaydiaries Give us the Precious. I’m going to be quoting you all day.

@WinLiannefield “A muffin is a bald cupcake.” – Jim Gaffigan

The doctor is in.

RT @asilannax: Therapy session with @katdish. She’s the greatest. Don’t take her away, I’ll cut you. Follow her instead.

@PeterPollock “man-sassy”?

@PeterPollock Ooo! Aren’t we the sassy one today?

@PeterPollock Oh, Peter. You’re just being lazy…

@redclaydiaries For the love of Gumby, why would I have any pictures of Donald Trump?

@redclaydiaries And please, if they go bald, let them not sport a combover.

Puritanism–the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. – Henry Louis Mencken

@billycoffey Thanks. I think that would be mantastic!

@redclaydiaries I’m waiting for those folks who might actually have those twitter names to send me angry DMs.

@buzzbyannies I’ve been around, screaming profanities at my internet service.

@redclaydiaries Oh, (dirty word!) that was even more ridiculous than the snuggie! (But I’m sure it would look good on you.)

@weightwhat I suppose you’re right, even though @You‘reNotTheBossOfMe #madeuptwitternames

@weightwhat @yesIam #madeuptwitternames

@12itemsorless #madeuptwitternames

@theguywhomakesthedonuts #madeuptwitternames

And a new hashtag is born #madeuptwitternames

@oprahsboyfriendstedman #madeuptwitternames

I totally made up that name…

@weightwhat or perhaps @oprahsfriendgayle if @oprah is busy.

@weightwhat Should I make some calls? Maybe my friend @oprah could help her out.

@BridgetChumbley Thanks. Me too. But it was nice to interface with the non-virtual people.

Interloop – made up word by @katdish. I’m claiming intellectual property on that baby!

@weightwhat Has she been going to the library? I’m so out of the interloop

As always…Sorry/you’re welcome.

Birthday Week on the Twitter

This week was Katdishmas, and because my dad, sister, son and daughter all have birthdays all clumped up right around mine, I’ve been celebrating by spending less time on the computer. Sadly, this means less time on the twitter as well. But I still manage to enrich lives and make the world a better place through the magic of social media.

Or not…

@PuriChristos @br8kthru And for the record, how do you know that @weightwhat and I aren’t 484? We are shiny vampires.

@PuriChristos Well kudos to your gigantic head

@PuriChristos Dude. I paint and my dh is an engineer. I don’t need no stinking math!

@br8kthru Curses! Math rears its ugly head again!

@br8kthru I figured you would be eating baby seal or polar bear.

@weightwhat I know – I don’t look a day over 43 huh?

@weightwhat I’m 22 squared

RT @weightwhat: @br8kthru Beware the Belgian sandwich! That’s not fancy bologna you’re eating! (You are going to cause Belgium to invade)

@weightwhat How do you make a pretzel? I thought they grew on metal revolving trees.

@br8kthru Yes. And stop and get a pretzel on the way home. Tell them I sent you.

RT @ProfessionalOne: @katdish Sorry, I thought it was 8 crazy nights of Katdishannukah! My bad! (Snort!)

@ProfessionalOne Well, you should have marked your calendar. Katdishmas is a national holdiay

@ProfessionalOne You have yet to wish me a Happy Birthday. Still pouting?

This is the most amazing birthday poem I’ve ever received (also, the only one – but stil) Amazing:

Wow. Already one o’ clock and still I have not eaten any cake today? Must remedy that situation…

@br8kthru The hot pretzel is a rare and beautiful thing, no?

@br8kthru I’m taking my son to the mall. Does that count as excitement?

Halloooo! @helenatrandom, wherever you are!

@theBirthdayBot Why, thank you Birthday Bot!

@buzzbyannies And I forgive you for all the annoying emoticons, because I’m forgiving like that

@buzzbyannies Thank you Annie! Boz is SO stinking cute!

Happy Katdishmas Everyone!

Sheesh! I’m old now. Gotta go to bed…

billycoffey Look. I know what I’m doing. Just trust me. (Said the spider to the fly.)

@billycoffey Aw come on! Might be good for your platform…

@billycoffey Snort! Video! I want to see video!

@PeterPollock Makes sense. Most English names infer a profession (Blacksmith, etc.) Perhaps your kinfolk were fish mongers

@br8kthru I don’t know…farging bastitches…

@BabySnooks I swear my laundry is mating and making new laundry.

@weightwhat I keep offering, but then @HerbieGookins starts threatening me with Indiana again.

@weightwhat I sent them to @muchl8r . They needed him to spread the fairy skank to Idaho.

@weightwhat When is Helen going to get her computer fixed? Priorities, Helen. Priorities!

What’s you top Keyword Search? Bet it’s not “Why Helen not buying me a chicken”:

It is katdishmas eve. Have you finished your shopping yet? There’s still time.

@muchl8r Well grumpy ho good morning to you

@weightwhat Wow. @billycoffey is getting really pushy. Me thinks I’ve created a monster…

@weightwhat You’d have to cut me off at the knees and put stilettos on my bloody stumps for that to happen

@HerbieGookins Now see, our library is always so busy, so rather than bother them w/checking out the books, I just put them in my purse.

@billycoffey Now you’re talking…

@billycoffey Yes. You have been neglecting your twitter ho diva friends

@marni71 Thanks. You know how I get…

@weightwhat You’re welcome. Where do you get a Jesus beach bucket anyway?

@HerbieGookins Yes. Somebody’s getting their cranky ho on this week at SCL

I REALLY hate snarky Anonymous comments. Cowards…

RT @prodigaljohn: The easiest way to ruin doing something you love is to do it as an attempt to please people who hate you.

Okay. I have successfully filled up the tweetdeck with my enormous head, so I guess it’s time to get some shut eye.

@KevinMartineau Gotta love bacon.

@KevinMartineau I pink fuzzy heart Jim Gaffigan. Is he on the twitter?

@PeterPollock I KNEW I’d heard that word before! Jim Gaffigan! Caliente Pocket!

@emptynestegg Seems to be where it’s starting. But I’m sure it will go downhill fast. It always does.

@PeterPollock What in the heck does “caliente” mean?

@weightwhat That’s you. We always know what you mean.

@weightwhat I just thought of the scene where Joey says, “If you know what I mean”, & someone else says, “We always know what you mean.”

@weightwhat Did you ever watch “Friends”?

@br8kthru Impressive. My mother has a blackbelt in passive-aggressive behavior.

@br8kthru It typically goes back to stomach discomfort with @weightwhat, no?

@br8kthru Sounds to me like your fishing for a compliment. Which is incredibly adorable in a passive-aggressive sort of way.

@br8kthru Oh, Jason…shut up.

@weightwhat YESH! I would need more low carb monster in order to courtesy unfollow. I don’t even unfollow people that unfollow me.

I’ve gotten 2 answers to a question I asked earlier. Problem is, I forgot the question…

@weightwhat Nah. I’m sort of like @tremendousnews in that I rarely unfollow because of my devastating laziness.

You should read this soon. After midnight, I’m posting something incredibly stupid: The Shine by @billycoffey

@weightwhat What? My refollow tweet, or the fact that I crack myself up?

@jewda4 No. You do not need that toy. You’re a grown man. Buy a really expensive toy, like a sports car.

Also? I crack myself up.

Especially when I’m following them as a courtesy refollow. Sucktacular!

When I get a DM saying “thanks for the follow, I will follow you back!”

Okay, so you know what makes me feel like a super special follower? (No, do tell…)

@pwilson Does Crosspoint have a “gum budget” for you?

RT @pwilson: Huge Announcement: My new favorite gum is Orbit’s raspberry mint. Yummy delicious. (ALERT THE MEDIA)

@jackalopekid I’m just giving you a hard time. It’s what I do…

@jackalopekid You ask a lot of questions…

@ryanmer Goody!

@ryanmer Crap away

@ryanmer Yay! I expect an autographed copy, of course…

@ProfessionalOne And I never said YOU were boring, just your job…

@ProfessionalOne Katdishesque? That’s a new one. Also have heard Katdishyness, but only in DMs.

@mabeswife I think my chances are slim to none. Mostly because I don’t handle rejection well. Also? I can’t keep my mouth shut.

Obviously, I have no chance of being a really great writer. Oh, well…

I have always noticed that in portraits of really great writers, the mouth is always firmly closed – Gertrude Stein

@weightwhat See there?

The Shine by @billycoffey (Have y’all read this yet? You really should…)

@weightwhat Shameless self promotion should always come first. Watch the master at work…

RT @weightwhat: Let’s see… Toast, Nutella, milk, shameless self-promotion…

Okra Winfrey #grossicecreamflavors

@WinLiannefield Happy Birthday!

@joannesher Happy Birthday Joanne!

@redclaydiaries Yes. Also? Those jukeboxes make my computer angry.

Dear friends with juke boxes on their blogs: GAAAAAA!

@weightwhat Ahh….dirty word…

@WinLiannefield again with Belgians. Let’s just beat that dead horse into the ground, shall we?

@weightwhat At this point, anyone following you should not be easily shocked or offended.

“Poop-free chicken waterers” – Gmail pop up ads, how I love you so!

RT @RachelleGardner: I asked a client 2 cut his MS by 15,000 words & it hurt me 2 say it. But he did an amazing job & the book is better

Perfection is such a nuisance that I often regret having cured myself of using tobacco – Emile Zola

Money is like love; it kills slowly & painfully the one who withholds it, & enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.-Kahlil Gibran

“Beware of the man of one book.” – St. Thomas Aquinas

Hallo Twitter! Miss me? Well miss me some more. Gotta go interface with the non-virtual people

@redclaydiaries Oh, it’s always something with you, isn’t it?

@godhasablog Thanks be to you for the follow friday! And thank you in advance for the great parking space at the mall.
As always, Sorry/You’re welcome.

A Light Week on the Twitter – People, I’m BUSY

So it seems some of my chatty bloggy gal pals/royal twitter ho-nesses think I’ve been a bit of a slacker this week. I suppose twitter-wise that’s the case. Actually, even though I have been on the computer quite a bit this week, I was barely even able to keep up with my own blog, let alone my normal stops and the twitter. It’s sort of been crunch time on some other projects that I’m working on, so please forgive me for not enriching your lives with my awesomeness. I will try to do better next week, but I’m not making any promises I can’t keep.

And now for the best (and least) of me on the twitter:

1. I think Amazon should send me a Kindle. Just because…

2. RT @MichaelHyatt: Just a thought: Amazon should market Kindle similar to how Apple marketed iPod: β€œ1,500 books in the palm of your hand.”

3. @Helenatrandom And who died and made y’all the twitter police?2 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Helenatrandom

4. You may apologize by reading my blog post: Believing is also Feeling (The artsy post):

5. AHEM! Some of us had to paint today and therefore could not be on the twitter.

6. Don de’ esta, @HerbieGookins

7. @HerbieGookins Ask your mom if she knows any publisher interested in it. I can get started on it right away.

8. …Even though I would totally buy that book…

9. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Kat Dish #failedchildrensbooktitles

10. @shrinkinngcamel Deep dish, katdish

11. RT @ProfessionalOne: @katdish Conference you in? Hell, you’re the only topic I’ll be discussing! The class is called “A twitter Case Study: @katdish …

12. @ProfessionalOne Oooo! Can you conference me in?

13. @shrinkingcamel Okay…wait…whaa? No wonder you make the big bucks…

14. Art is the concrete artifact of faith and expectation – Stephen King

15. @shrinkingcamel You’re dead to me, Bradley.


17. @shrinkingcamel Is anyone hiring? I’m very good at disagreeing with people.

18. The Sound of Muzak #failedchildrensbooktitles

19. @redclaydiaries Some people just can’t appreciate the classics.

20. @redclaydiaries Now there’s a book you could write!

21. Little Stephanie’s Chicken Foot Necklace #failedchildrensbooktitles

22. The Boxcar Children and the Old Hobo’s infected Foot #failedchildrensbooktitles

23. RT @asilannax: I’m half southern and half Canadian, so when I’m rude to you, I’ll sugar coat it, then apologize profusely afterwards.

24. RT @Go_RV_ing: rainbows n unicorns….lotto tix and winnin’s …these are a few of my favorite things

25. Sometimes I have things to say to myself and I don’t want everyone all up in my business.

26. It’s so frustrating that twitter won’t let me DM myself!

27. @WinLiannefield Aw, it’s all good. Have you bathed today? If yes, then I think you’re okay.

28. @WinLiannefield Will you be joining the twitter ho carnival this week?

29. @n8sant I like to think of it as “Enriching lives thru the power of social media.” Tweet a lot sounds so common.

30. @marni71 Hey Marni! (@helenatrandom told me to say that) But seriously – Hey!

31. Just to tell you, if I see your avatar on my tweetdeck more than my own, you need to take it down a notch.

32. Sorry. Shameless, I know…

33. RT @Helenatrandom: @br8kthru That would be horrendous! what would I do if I couldn’t see @katdish ‘s tweets. I bear it enough on Sundays, but ot ..

34. @Helenatrandom Oh, seismic – meh! I didn’t like it either. Try tweetdeck, I love it. I have a facebook column that I completely ignore!

35. @godhasablog I’m sure you know what I’m talking about….being God and whatnot.

36. @godhasablog They should all move to Houston. No knights or kings, but plenty of queens.

37. @br8kthru You mean like “rising stars” watch list or “for the love of Gumby would this woman please shut up” watchlist?

38. @godhasablog I thought that title was already taken by @ryanmer

39. @godhasablog I don’t like where this is heading, Sir…

40. RT @billycoffey: Boxing! Sweat! Blood!

41. @br8kthru People Browser not showing my tweets?!? ….farging bastitches…

42. How did I get on some random Avon emailing list? Hmmm…..

43. @Brian_Russell I have no clue what that tramp stamp is supposed to mean. Should I be flattered or offended.

44. @JeanneDamoff Trust me, Jeanne – I’m not that big a deal. But you’re right – kids say the funniest things.

45. @MistiPearl ACK! Again with the Tom stuff!

46. @JeanneDamoff I like to keep people curious.

47. @becca_homefront Yay, indeed. I’m looking forward to posting it. Very good read.

48. A quote (or re-quote) from the one and only @JeanneDamoff : “Watch Me break this board with my head.” ~ Jesus.

49. RT @RachelleGardner: “Becoming the reader is the essence of becoming a writer.” John O’Hara//Oh, man! Is that good or what?

50. @Helenatrandom I’ll have to go read all your butt tattoo suggestions from my PCB* post.

51. RT @Helenatrandom: @katdish Then I’d have to referr to my buttcheeks as “”the twins”. Who wants that?

52. @Helenatrandom I figured you would want Mary Kate and Ashley.

53. @Helenatrandom Annie’s frontsetts…Snort!


55. @JeanneDamoff Yay! I can’t tell you what OR where….

56. “An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn’t know why they choose him and he’s usually too busy to wonder why.” – Faulkner

57. I want a tattoo, but if I told you of what I’d have to…well, you know…

58. @HerbieGookins Good Morning! How is Mr. Gookins and the little Gookins today?

59. And speaking of coffee, Good Morning @billycoffey

60. @buzzbyannies Color me impressed. Here’s what I come up with before coffee: “GAAAA! I need coffee!”

61. RT @jackalopekid: What r u doing right this second? (I’m on the twitter – duh)

62. Here’s one: “Never, ever hit someone in anger, unless you’re absolutely sure you can get away with it.” Harold Ramis

63. What are some of your favorite quotes? Inquiring minds wanna know:

64. Time to run some rock star errands. I need some people…

65. RT @PuriChristos: @Helenatrandom I have the spiritual gifts of wise ass and being even more stuborn (spelling? not so much)

66. What Helen said…

67. RT @Helenatrandom: @PuriChristos Some people have the spiritual “gift” of stubbornnes..Sometimes I “regift” stubbornness myself…

68. @HerbieGookins And yet you steadfastly refuse my lovely Bratz Dolls. Go figure…2:14 PM Jul 27th from TweetDeck in reply to HerbieGookins

69. @HerbieGookins You should get Mr. Gookins to make some Toy Story nightmare toy out of it .2:07 PM Jul 27th from TweetDeck in reply to HerbieGookins

70. RT @HerbieGookins: Meet me as a fourteen year old. I was way too serious. (Well looky there, Beth wrote a blog post!)

71. You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

72. @emptynestegg Fun today? Hmmm….You should go to my blog and make fun of @billycoffey ‘s shirt.

73. RT @Helenatrandom: @HerbieGookins You’re being stalked by three erratically behaved midgets?! OMGoogle! You poor thing..//OMGoogle!

74. RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish I’m pretty sure I do…does the pastor’s name rhyme with Mole Schmosteen?

75. @HerbieGookins SNORT! Yes. Yes it does.

76. @HerbieGookins Thanks. Do you know what the “Fellowship of Excitement” is?

77. Is there something wrong with my tweetdeck, or are my friends just ignoring me? Hmmm?????

78. @HerbieGookins Oh, so you’re chatting with @helenatrandom, but not me. Nice..

79. @HerbieGookins Hi Beth! Normal is relative. You are, after all, in Indiana.

80. @ryanmer Dude, seriously. How can you not have a driver’s license? You wouldn’t last a day in Houston.

81. @PeterPollock Yes, Peter. I’ll say it again. You’re prompt. No one can take that away from you.

82. @weightwhat Like I have that kind of time. Just RT everything she says, okay?

83. @PeterPollock You get all the cool kids to follow you first!

84. Where are @redclaydiaries tweets?

85. Thanks for the follow high profile Christian writer dude who will remain nameless! You won’t be sorry, despite what @redclaydiaries says.

86. @billycoffey That’s the beauty of me! And incidentally, sorry/you’re welcome.

87. @BridgetChumbley I think that will be my first book: Katdish quotes Sure to sell tens of copies.

88. @billycoffey Hey! You’re supposed to be sending me that book!

90. @bryanallain EWH, EWH, EWH!

91. @PeterPollock Pastor Billy? Not quite. But he does write some good parables, huh?

92. @unmarketing Canadians: Like regular white people, only slower.

93. @unmarketing Tempting…but Canada? Meh…

94. @tremendousnews Clown make-up? UNFOLLOW!2:34 PM Jul 26th from TweetDeck in reply to tremendousnews

95. RT @tremendousnews: I’m in the blissfully unaware period between waking up and remembering why I have clown makeup on.2:33 PM Jul 26th from TweetDeck

97. RT @muchl8r: keyword search that brought someone to my blog “christian puberty” that pretty much nails it! http://thoughtife.blogspot…./

98. @buzzbyannies No. I’ve replaced those items with a sock full of quarters, because you just never know when you’ll need that…

99. @buzzbyannies Of course not! (I took out the coffee and the airline pretzels)

100. @redclaydiaries – I reposted the crap in my purse post, where I give you full credit for getting me on the twitter.

Ladies and Gentlemen, as always:

Sorry/you’re welcome.

Now if you wrote a twitter post, please link your bad self up right here:

Katdish: Enriching lives thru the power of Social Media

Seriously…I can’t even type that with a straight face. Funny thing is, there are tons of people on the twitter who think that’s exactly what they’re doing. I know this because they tell you so in their profiles. Yeah…I don’t follow them either. But if you follow me, and your profile says something profound like, “I like beets.” Expect an immediate refollow!

Now here’s the best and worst of me on the twitter:

@RachelleGardner Do you have any idea how many fat grams and calories one of those things have? (you’re welcome.)

@weightwhat It’s the price you pay for being a pacific time twitter ho.
@billycoffey Now Billy. I can’t be groveling on the twitter. I’ll send you an email.
@billycoffey Dang it! I may have to muster an apology for that one.
@billycoffey I’m multi-tasking. There’s only so much katdish to go around. Wait you turn.
@br8kthru My car needs to be washed. Can you make it down here by five-ish?
@becca_homefront Good morning! And don’t give @billycoffey your top 5. He’s not the boss of you!
@WinLiannefield Oh, right. I thought it might be because you would set it on fire with your hawt-ness.
@WinLiannefield Good grief woman! Why would it have to be flame retardant? Do I even want to know?
@WinLiannefield Have you not heard? I’m currently working on a summer version: The Slankini
@Becks_Beer Can’t you compromise? How about you holding a Beck’s beer? Win-win.
@br8kthru Good morning, and thanks for nothing.
@CandySteele So, you’re not a ho?
@CandySteele What does that mean? IMHO? You know what I think it looks like it means, right?
@billycoffey Are you having a side of Haterade with that sweet tea, Billy?
RT @bryanallain: RT @billycoffey There’s nothing better than starting my day with the Yankees in first place. // ANGRY. (Bitter Bryan?)
@BridgetChumbley Only those who are excessively obnoxious. @weightwhat & I both qualify.
RT @weightwhat: @katdish – I’ll read your blog post if you read mine…
@weightwhat what is this a hostage exchange? Okay, but then I gotta go to sleep.
@Helenatrandom @weightwhat SWEET FANCY MOSES! It’s wall to wall Wendy and Helen! Is there a 12 step program for twitter?
@buzzbyannies Oh, Annie! Don’t sell yourself short. You’d make a much scarier pimp than I would.
AHEM! Please welcome and follow @becca_homefront. She’s our kind of people (Oh, I mean that in a good way)
@PuriChristos @Helenatrandom I owe my inspiration to @pwilson, whose wife still proudly wears the lowly cousin of the Skymall Slanket.
@joannesher A year’s supply of yeast for me could be contained in a 12 ounce can of Budweiser.
RT @TheBloggess: Also, I apologize for that last tweet being extraordinarily not funny. I’m dangerously sober at the moment.
@weightwhat @Helenatrandom My sister’s first comment was “I thought yeast was something you want to get rid of”. (Yeah – we’re related)
My sister lost on Wheel of Fortune, but got a year’s supply of yeast #lameclaimtofame
@weightwhat No! (secret service) But George was looking at them like, “Hello…..crazy lady at 12 o’clock!”
I used to tell people I was named after Katherine in the bible, until I was informed that there wasn’t one #lameclaimtofame
I ran into George and Barbara Bush coming out of a Houston eatery (literally RAN INTO THEM) #lameclaimtofame
@pwilson Just spreading the love Pete. Just spreading the love…
@CandySteele @PuriChristos @marni71 A snuggie is a sort of “meet in person” gift. Isn’t that right @redclaydiaries?
I gave @pwilson ‘s wife a snuggie. #lameclaimtofame
My brother was a stunt surfer in the movie “Point Break” #lameclaimtofame
I saw Don Johnson playing baccarat at Caesar’s Palace and he was wearing his Sonny Crockett wear #lameclaimtofame
I went to a party hosted by Shelly Long’s brothers #lameclaimtofame
@CandySteele Wow. That is impressively lame.
Okay, I’ll play. Met (the actor) who played Peter Brady at a nightclub in Houston. #lameclaimtofame
Authenticity is vital. If you can fake that, you’re golden.
@PeterPollock Is that what you had in mind Peter?
Our church plant understands the concept of #bethechurch. Mostly because there don’t be no building.
New hashtag: #bethechurch
@lizzyarmentrout You’re welcome. Now go trash a hotel room somewhere to celebrate.
@Helenatrandom as long as your not buying the meat product that shall not be named…
@lizzyarmentrout You’re such a rockstar!
@WinLiannefield Ooo! What day? My birthday is also coming soon, also more commonly referred to as katdishmas.
@billycoffey Oh, I know everything. Haven’t you figured that out by now?
@billycoffey Aren’t you glad someone bullied you into getting on the twitter? Who was that anyway?
@billycoffey How completely ambiguous! How much is that word worth in Scrabble?
@PeterPollock I’d ask you to put me on your blogroll, but I wouldn’t want you to get excommunicated or something.
@muchl8r Oh, I’ll rule just about anywhere they want me to. Except for France. Those people don’t have the courtesy to speak English.
@billycoffey That was freaking awesome! I see you have learned from me the art of being subtle.
RT @billycoffey: @PeterPollock I really like that, Peter. Very nice. Now put me on your blogroll.
Is there a pesky fly on my tweetdeck? Oh, no. It’s just @PuriChristos
@muchl8r I’ll gladly take the east. And for the record, I’m from the southeast originally. I’m pretty sure they miss me.
@muchl8r Congrats, Jake. I think “Supreme Commander of the Western Hemisphere” looks good on a business card.
@PeterPollock What am I, the social director for the internet? Candy, Annie, Marni and Billy were here a bit ago.
@billycoffey They’re like the high brow cousins of the lowly donut.
@CandySteele Funnel cakes are pretty fascinating, huh?
There is no Tom. “Tom” is short for tomorrow. Please ignore my obnoxious friends. I know I do…
@Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hello and goodnight! Sorry I missed out on all the umm….whatever.
Also? @PuriChristos @redclaydiaries SHUT UP ALREADY!
It’s finally up (no thanks to all the DMs, people!) Entitled (ironically) Keep your Focus:
shrinkingcamel Do you have something against Texas? Choose your words carefully, Bradley.
If you follow me, and I follow me back, I really don’t want to know how to get 1000 followers via your lovely direct message.
I am ignoring @PuriChristos , I am ignoring @PuriChristos
@PuriChristos Sheesh! You’re the little brother I never wanted, Nick!
@PuriChristos Tom? Wha, huh?
I am writing a post for tom. that combines Stephen King, scrapbooking, and ADD. Yes, I know – riveting.
Where are @ofmercy, @billycoffey, @peterpollock? I feel the need to make someone uncomfortable #BecauseKatdishCannotAmuseHerself
RT @weightwhat: Look! I’m juggling! #BecauseKatdishCannotAmuseHerself
@weightwhat Just to be annoying and encouraging all at once. I dig that.
@weightwhat @Helenatrandom Y’all need to start a new trending topic. Amuse me…
@weightwhat Sorry I’m just now hearing of your accident. Apparently, I’m not that big a deal…
@Helenatrandom Oh, so Smurfette gets a personal email about @weightwhat and I get NADA? Fine!
@billycoffey has a new button to grab on his blog (Beach Blogger Billy – action figure in production)
@weightwhat I guess you’re right. Family and personal hygiene be damned!
@weightwhat I’m sorry – WHEN DID YOU GET IN A CAR ACCIDENT???????????
@br8kthru Oh, I’m the same way (sort of). I don’t stay mad at people, unless they mess w/my family or friends. Then look out.
@PuriChristos You live to annoy me, don’t you?
@br8kthru Curses! Blasted empathy rears it’s ugly head again!
@weightwhat @Helenatrandom Would y’all please stop talking in German? I can barely understand you in English.12:20 PM Jul 20th from TweetDeck
On a related note, would anyone like a body pillow stuffed with cat hair?
Wow. I just brushed my cat with one of those new pet combs. No wonder he has hairballs.
@elliefoley912 Thanks for the follow. Just what I wanted to see today. You butt on my computer. @spam.
RT @annalisa2: Whenever stumbleupon shows me something I already twittered about, I smile smugly at my own awesomeness.
I forgive you @muchl8r . Commence breathing again.
@muchl8r You’re dead to me, Jake. DO YOU HEAR ME? Dead.
@muchl8r SLACKER! But you wrote a post this week, so I guess I’ll let it slide.
@marni71 YAY! Although, you know you should just move down here and join my freaking awesome church.
@ProfessionalOne YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME MICHAEL!!!!!
@ProfessionalOne Fascinating! (yawn…) Just kidding…(sort of)
@lizzyarmentrout I’m the Tanya Tucker of ADD. I was ADD when ADD wasn’t cool…
@ProfessionalOne So what does your company do?
Ahhhh, I crack myself up.
@DishHost – Have your people call my people…
@DishHost – So, what’s this show about? katdish is one of my nicknames, Dish is another. So I would basically already be DishHost.
My daughter just told me that the dog smells like a dead pig. How does she know what a dead pig smells like?
RT @asilannax: I’m leaving on a jet plane (charter bus) Don’t know when I’ll be back again (next Saturday)
Do you know that I have a cat following me with over 6,000 followers? It’s a CAT, people!
@ProfessionalOne Well, silly! My name is katdish! Or Kat, or Kathy, or Her Royal Twitter Ho-ness.
@bryanallain Just trying to do my part to enrich lives through the power of social media
Follow @katdish, because she will RT you every time you mention her name.
RT @bryanallain: Follow @katdish because no matter how much you twitter, she’ll make you feel like you’re barely ever on it
Follow @JeanneDamoff . She’s like me…only classy.
@PeterPollock Subtle, no?
@MichaelHyatt Also goes to show you that I know a good book when I read it – just saying…
@MichaelHyatt Oh my gosh! That’s one of my favorite books! Just goes to show you – you never know.

Late Night on the Twitter

My writing schedule is sort of vampire-like. I eat dinner and try to have some family time every night. Then, when everyone else is in bed, I turn on my computer and write. My self imposed deadline for posting is 12:01 AM. I usually finish the post before then, but not by much. And then there’s the distraction that is the twitter.

The following is a conversation that started out innocently enough (Don’t they always?), and quickly spiraled downward into the twitter ho abyss. Sorry, Candy. Couldn’t resist this one. The conversation will actually be in correct order. There were so many involved in this conversation that I had to cut and paste each tweet. Much of the conversation was left on the cutting room floor because Wendy and Helen out-tweeted everyone 3 to 1. They have their own twitter posts today (Which will not doubt be hilarious), so check theirs out as well. As always, Sorry/You’re Welcome:

Me: @Helenatrandom Snort! Remind me to tell you about the time I was reprimanded by dh for laughing in the colonoscapy recovery room.

Helen: @katdish Thanks. You’ll like this: I told the med student before the procedure: “I’m glad my husband’s butt is in your hands…”

Wendy: @Helenatrandom – Why are you always trying to put Bob’s butt in other people’s hands?

Helen: @weightwhat It’s a nice butt….I’m generous like that…

Billy: @Helenatrandom Starting to blush here a little…

Helen: @billycoffey Wow! I’m good!

And then sweet Candy chimed in…and that’s when the fun started…

Candy: @katdish @Helenatrandom i was virtually ignored during my c’scopy because RB was on the bed next 2 me passing a kidney.

Helen: @CandySteele Yikes! I hope the hospital was having a two for one sale that week…

Candy: @Helenatrandom hardly. The day cost us a fortune and I had to stay awake enough to take care of him afterwards. Ugly.

Wendy: @CandySteele – That’s very inconsiderate to take the attention off of you just for a couple little kidney stones.

Billy: @CandySteele You guys do EVERYTHING together!

Wait for it……

Wait for it…...

Candy: @billycoffey special, bonding moments. There was lots of moaning that day.

Candy: @billycoffey oops, that sounded so WRoNG!

But alas…the genie cannot be put back into the bottle. Candy had thrown twitter chum into the water, and the hungry sharks were ready to attack.

Billy: @CandySteele You just made me blush more than Helen did. That’s quite an accomplishment.

Candy: @billycoffey very unintentional. Sort of shot from the hip there, didn’t I?

Me: @billycoffey @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat Snort!

Me: @CandySteele Annnnnddddd……That’s what she said

Wendy: @katdish – I’m tellin’ ya, we were separated at birth!

Me: @weightwhat Great minds…

Helen: @CandySteele Candy! That was so funny! I knew what you meant, but thought you were pulling an @katdish with the double entendre!

Helen: @CandySteele Another TWSS moment, brought to you by @CandySteele…

Candy: @Helenatrandom and just drug the soon to be famous @billycoffey through a blush session.

Helen: @BillyCoffey And I am the one supposed to be making you blush on twitter! @CandySteele TEACH ME!

Billy: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish This is why I’m afraid to get on here with you people.

Helen: @billycoffey Don’t worry…Our bark is worse than our bite…..RUFF RUFF!

Billy: @Helenatrandom You have to admit that’s a pretty scary bark, though. Much more pit bull than poodle.

Me: @billycoffey Hey. You’re welcome for introducing you to all my high brow friends.

Billy: @katdish How could I ever thank you?

Peter: I came on to see if there was anything good to RT. Apparently the tweeps I follow don’t have anything deep to say on a Friday night.

Helen: @PeterPollock Pacific Ocean. How’s that for deep?

Candy: @PeterPollock run away very fast. It’s getting scary here.

Peter: OK, twitterland is getting positively weird. I’m outta here.

Me: @PeterPollock Oh Peter! Lightweight!

Billy: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Me: RT @billycoffey: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Helen: @billycoffey Are you kidding? Try stopping her! (And if she doesn’t @weightwhat and I will do our own twitter posts…)

Me: Too late. It’s been RTed. It’s as good as posted.

Candy: @katdish PUHLEEZE – I don’t want to tarnish his Yankee reputation before the book comes out!

Me: @CandySteele Seriously, Candy – he writes for me. How much more tarnished can you get?

Candy: @katdish that’s true. He can only go up from there.

Billy: @katdish I seriously think I was less tarnished about ten minutes ago.

Jon: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish I’m a little worried for @billycoffey with all this estrogen in the Twitter room!

Billy: @ofmercy Sometimes I think they have more testosterone than I do.

Jon: @billycoffey I hear ya on that one! They have well developed masculine sides!

Billy: @ofmercy The fact that they will all take that as a compliment proves your point.

Billy: @katdish @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat You’re the women my mother warned me about when I was in high school.

Me: @billycoffey You’ve only known us for a short time. You have no idea.

Jon: @billycoffey they keep saying we have “no idea” – I think that is a veiled threat!

Wendy: @ofmercy – You have no idea.

Candy: @billycoffey we are harmless, totally. And I’m old enough to be your mother. What’s her twitter name? We can bond.

Wendy: @CandySteele – You don’t need to start with the crazy talk like that…

Wendy: @ofmercy! You’re here! Did you bring your galoshes?

Helen: @ofmercy Oh Goody! Come join us….We need someone new to bother….Let @BillyCoffey rest…for a moment…

Me: @weightwhat How come I can’t see @ofmercy on my tweetdeck? Did you block me Jon?

Wendy: @katdish – He just shot out one tweet and has gone into hiding. Did we scare him?

Me: @ofmercy Okay. Let’s just do this, Jon. What’s wrong with me?

Billy: @katdish Oh, I know this! Me! Me!

Wendy: @ofmercy – Yes, just what IS wrong with @katdish. And did you ever tell her what kind of nut she is?

Jon: @weightwhat I take safety behind my iPhone!

Wendy: @ofmercy – I don’t think that little thing will be your best choice to hide behind. Got a bunker?

Jon: @katdish What, pray-tell, do you mean what is wrong with you?

Me: @ofmercy I mean, do I use humor as a defense mechanism? Do I have delusions of grandure? How is that spelled anyway?

Wendy: @katdish – I’d tell you how to spell it, but I’m too good for that.

Jon: @billycoffey A little help?

Billy: @ofmercy I’d better not. If I make her mad she might not let me post on her blog anymore.

Me: @billycoffey Mr. Coffey, if you didn’t write for me on Monday, I would actually have to write something. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Billy: @katdish So you keep me around because you’re lazy? Thank you! Anyone else out there need someone to guest post on their blog?

Candy: @billycoffey I always need a guest post since mine R infrequent.Now I’m leveling out the estrogen/testosterone ratio here & going to bed.

Jon: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty!

Me: RT @ofmercy: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty! (Aww! Cool. Thanks)

Me: @billycoffey That’s what you were going to say, right? What @ofmercy said? Yeah…I know.

Billy: @katdish I told him to say that.

Billy: @ofmercy @katdish scares me. She’s a ninja.

Jon: @billycoffey COWARD! :O Where’s that redneck, mancard holding, word wielding guy who doesn’t back down!

Billy: @ofmercy No, after midnight she turns into a shiny vampire ninja. Much more dangerous

Jon: @billycoffey So what is your secret – how do you do it? manage all this…whatever it is…

Billy: @ofmercy Trust me, Jon. You do not want to go there.

Jon: @billycoffey Are they usually…ummm…like this?

Billy: @ofmercy No. Usually worse.

Wendy: @ofmercy – C’mon Jon, you love us. Don’t deny it.

Helen: @ofmercy I’m a bad influence on them….Oh, who am I kidding? We are bad influences on each other. At home we wear ankle length dresses.

Billy: @weightwhat @ofmercy @katdish @Helenatrandom Heading to bed to dream of colonoscopies, kidney stones, and moans. Pray for me. Goodnight all

Helen: @billycoffey Looks likewe are giving you something new to have nightmares about…You are welcome…

Okay folks…that took forever and a day! No more of my ridiculous tweets this week. Be sure to check out The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants today. We’re having a blog carnival where you can check out lots and lots of tweets by some of my favorite twitter hos.

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