**Read this really fast in your head:
Katdishionary is the intellectual property of Steph at the Red Clay Diaries (hereinafter referred to as SOTRCD). Reference herein to any specific commercial product, process, service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by SOTRCD or any entities thereof. The views and opinions of the originators expressed therein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the HLAC, SOTRCD, FOTTSP, TWSS or any agency or entities thereof.
Two things precipitated the writing of this post (or rather, series of posts). The first was a text message from a friend of mine. She had sent me a message, to which my response to her was, “Gaaa!” Which I thought clearly communicated my reaction to her previous text. Knock me over with a feather when she texted me back, “Gaaa?” To my thinking, “Gaaa!” is rather self-explanatory. But perhaps not…
Next, I received an email from an author asking if I would read and review his upcoming book. (No, not that author – I’ve already read that one and it’s frigintastic.) Here’s a brief excerpt from the correspondence:
“And you’re clearly the first person I’ve come across who has a “I big red monkey butt heart twitter” tag. So you win—not sure what, but you win nonetheless!”
So that got me to thinking (always dangerous territory) about how often I use phrases and acronyms here and on twitter under the assumption that everyone knows what I’m talking about. But clearly, that is not always the case. Seriously, unless you’ve been reading my blog for the past 8 months or so, how could you possibly know what PCB stood for? Or know that “I big red monkey butt heart you” is a sign of endearment?
See there? Two hundred words into this post and I’ve already used four phrases and/or words that yet to make it into Webster’s. Which is why I feel a certain duty (ha! she said duty) to give definitions, and where applicable (read: if I can remember), the origins of said phrases, acronyms and words.
Katdishionary – (pronounced ka-di-shun-ary)
Definition: A collection of made up words providing endless blog fodder.
“I have to share a brainstorm that came to me in the car, on my way to Starbucks.
The Katdish Dictionary is a nice name for the service you’re providing. But a better name would be:
You can pay me my standard branding fee later.”
(see also badgertastic)
Definition: Awesome Cat defies definition. He is awesome. The end.
Origin: My friend Shaun sent me the picture, which he found on Digg. As soon as I saw it, I knew Awesome Cat must be the unofficial mascot of the brain trust that is the Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants.
Definition: Very definitively and enthusiastically having to do with badgers.
Origin: Sleep Talkin’ Man Blog - a blog that chronicles the nocturnal ramblings of a seemingly mild manned English chap by day who tends to get a tad profane whist sleeping: “My badger’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!” (Note: not suitable for all audiences.)
Example: Did you read SCL’s post about proposed VBS games? My favorite was Badger in a Bag. Badgertastic!
Definition: A VBS game concept described as follows: “Let’s hide pieces of caramel in a bag and then put a really angry badger in the same bag. To win, you have to successfully grab a piece of candy from the bag without losing a finger.” ~ Jon Acuff
Example: To heck with our liability insurance! Let’s bring badger in a bag back to VBS this year!
Definition: What Steph’s butt says when she walks.
Origin: (see also fatassitosis)
Example: Steph says: ANOTHER way we are alike. Only my butt says badonkadonk. My sister and I could both weigh next-to-nothing and still have lots of cushioning. My sister was once told by an African-American girl that her butt was awfully big for a white person’s.
Italian blood here too.
Definition: Someone who connects people or groups of people to new people or new groups of people. Sort of like a Connector as described in Malcom Gladwell’s book The Tipping Point, only more intense, obsessive and adorably annoying.
Origin: Stephanie Wetzel of The Red Clay Diaries juxtiposing my description of her as a “connector” on twitter. Here’s a play by play of the action:
AHEM >RT @brandonacox: Tell me one person, on Twitter, you consider a “connector.” (however you define that)
@brandonacox @katdish Yes, but besides you. haha
@robinmarnold Totally she is! RT @katdish AHEM >RT @brandonacox: Tell me one person, on Twitter, you consider a “connector.” (however you define that)
@katdish @brandoncox Well then, @redclaydiaries because she plays well with others and she’s got like a gazillion followers.
@redclaydiaries @katdish Thank u for the connector compliment! Of course if I’m a connector, then you’re the Connectinator.
So there you have it.
Definition: The process of purging a space of a bunch of crap you don’t need.
Example: “My daughter’s room has reached critical mass. Let the decrapification process begin!”
Definition: A memoir written by a relatively unknown and unpublished author with no ties to celebrities (in or out of rehab) which is rewritten as a novel in order to draw a larger audience.
Origin: Very savvy and smart publishers. (And no, I’m not being sarcastic. It’s brilliant marketing.)
Example: Snow Day by Billy Coffey. Available October 11, 2010 at bookstores everywhere. Buy one. Heck, buy 100. They make great stocking stuffers!
Fatassitosis – (pronounced fat-as-si-to-sis)
Definition: A mutant strain of a virus scientists claim to have recently discovered. Their findings state that obesity can be “caught” as easily as a common cold from other people’s coughs, sneezes and dirty hands. The condition has been linked to a highly-infectious virus which causes sniffles and sore throats.
Origin: HLAC’s breaking news story – This just in: I’m not fat, I just have a butt cold!
Frigintastic – (pronounced fri-gin-ta-stic)
Example: “MY wife says I say awesome too much and started taking points away for saying it. She is right but I still like the word. I’m gonna start saying “frigintastic” instead. She will long for the days when everything was awesome.”
Gaaa! – (pronounced gaaa!)
Getcherfreakon – (pronounced get-cher-freak-on)
Definition: Alternative title for a post in which I was supposed to described 7 weird things about myself.
Origin: Getcherfreakon : Here is a brief (or not) excerpt from the original post:
My buddy Steph at The Red Clay Diaries tagged me to write seven weird things about myself. Seriously, it would be more of a challenge to write seven things that were normal about me, but whatever. So, I thought I’d throw in some things that would you might find surprising about me, because I’m fairly sure you’re down with the fact that I’m pretty weird. Well, here goes:
1) Since some of my blogger friends kept commenting on my blog, thereby distracting me from writing this post (I’m ignoring you Steph, by the way), by the time I was ready to write this, all the clever titles had been taken. So I was originally going to call this blog post “HOT MONKEY SEX“. But then I thought about what kind of traffic a title like that might bring in, and how bitterly disappointed they would be, and thought better of it.
Definition: slang term for someone who is often cranky, but simultaneously delightful.
Origin: Jake from Very Much Later. The original grumpy ho.
Example: “Jake Lee is my favorite grumpy ho.”
Definition: A panda that isn’t fuzzy or hairy, with short, smooth fur.
Origin: We left the kids with my mom for a few days to attend the Exponential Conference in Orlando, Florida. The conference was over by Thursday, so we planned on going to Disney World the following day. When I asked the kids what sort of souvenir they wanted from our trip, my then 6 year old daughter informed me all she wanted was a “hard panda”. After some considerable explanation, I was able to disseminate the difference between a hard panda and a fuzzy panda. Also, “hard panda” was to go-to phrase for the week in Orlando.
Honky for you (pronounced hon-kee 4 u)
Definition: interchangeable song lyrics to the worship song Fuel.
Origin: My daughter. Who sometimes prefers her lyrics to the actual lyrics:
We are burning…
We are yearning…
We are longing… We are honky
Longing for You Honky for you.
See also Go on up to the mountain of mercy Percy,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave
Heroes and konk-konk the brave,
Heroes konk-konk the brave
Origin: “I first thought of interviewing myself when Former Governor Blagojevich was causing a media circus by going on any show that would have him claiming that he shouldn’t be impeached because he hasn’t been convicted of a crime. (And that he is innocent, and Rahm Emmanuel should be subpoenaed to testify on his behalf at his impeachment hearing, blaj blaj blaj (sic)….) His antics were driving me crazy, and it occurred to me that by using a split personality as a literary device, I’d be able to demonstrate to people reading just how crazy. My friends liked the interviews and suggested I do them more often, so I have.” – Helen (aka HRM)
Dancing With the Kumquats (My Supermarket Salsa Post)
Definition: Acronym for “Hit them in the head with a Jesus Frying Pan”.
Nick the Geek said: “I amaze my youth when I text or message them and use much more advanced terms than the simple LOL. D That said, when I here someone use lolspeak IRL I want to HTITHWAJFP (Hit the in the head with a Jesus Frying Pan). >:o ”
“I big red monkey butt heart…”
Origin: This explanation is a bit more complex.
The story begins to unfold with a post on The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants post, Cremation, anyone? This was a post noted not so much for its content, but for the epic comments that ensued – a grand total of 107. A fairly impressive number by most standards, until you realize that the comments were made by a handful of people leaving multiple comments back and forth.
It’s life changing.
Anyhoo, Nick started out the post apologizing for the post being in bad taste (which is ironic, because that blog is all about bad taste), and quickly spiraled down from there.
At some point, I happened to mention I was going to the Houston Zoo the next day and did anyone have any practical jokes to play on zoo animals? A conversation about flinging monkey poo ensued. Alas, the following day I posted It’s on like Donkey Kong with the following picture:
Shortly thereafter, Sherri complained, “Speaking of images….katdish, this particular monkey image is freaking me out when I come here. DO you have a different one you can replace it with?”
So I changed the picture to this:
To which my friend Shark Bait commented, “I think I want the scary monkey back now.”
Around this same time, the phrase “I pink fuzzy heart you” was making its way around our blogging community. But I felt we at the FOTTSP needed our own spin on this phrase. That’s where “I big red monkey butt heart you” came from. Sorry/you’re welcome.
Definition: Acronym for “I am not laughing”.
Beth said: However, I am not laughing. (IANL) If those dolls show up at my house….Worked up does not begin to describe it. >:-$
Editor’s Note: Beth had recently been the recipient of a “Sox in the Box” laundry sorter from yours truly. I also sent (at no charge to her) a slightly used giant-headed, spinning and singing Dora the Explorer Mermaid Doll. She wasn’t as thrilled as you might imagine she would be…
Internet Tornado (pronounced in-ter-net tore-na-doe)
image courtesy of photobucket.com
Definition: Okay, I’m gonna be honest here. I have no idea what an “Internet Tornado” is. But whatever it is, apparently, I’m one of them…
Origin: A guest post I wrote for my friend Peter Pollock, Does the Cost of the Gift Matter. Peter wrote a very kind introduction where he said: “Kathy Richards AKA Katdish is one of the most powerful internet tornado’s I have ever met.” So there you go…
Definition: A frying pan with an image of Jesus on it.
Origin: A Gift to Remember by Candy Steele, from the Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants Blog. (What – you don’t follow that blog? For shame…)
“We have a wedding coming up in the family, which brings us to that endeared tradition of registering for gifts that most people can’t afford to buy for couples they barely know. So in light of the fact that I need to re-register (can’t you do that after 35 years?) and my pots and pans have seen better days (read: my family has eaten all the non-stick coating and are all going to die), I want to be gifted this pan. It doesn’t matter that I’m not the one getting married. It would make the holiest of food. Children would never misbehave at the table if Jesus was embedded in their French Toast now, would they?
And whackin’ somebody up the side of the head with it would seem so fruitful.”
Definition: what Sherri’s butt says when she walks.
Origin: (see Fatassitosis)
Example: Sherri said: I’ve been a cold sufferer for years now.
God must have been handing out lots of ample rears in the sixties.
My sister and I got a matching set.
Our sickness was contacted at birth and runs in our Italian family.
I could weigh 79 lbs. and my rear would still be doing the kadonkadonk when I walk.
* I wear lots of long shirts, blazers, etc. to insure proper coverage.
Big AL calls mine the “mystery butt”. No one has seen it in years!!!!
Definition: A term used to describe my state of mind when I rant incessantly. What makes me rant incessantly? Martha Stewart, rude anonymous comments, the girl scouts, Halloween costumes, collectibles, Petsmart, Christian retail, The Giving Tree, prosperity gospel, pajama-grams, Ricky Martin keychains, exploiting the homeless, pizza, and the prayer cross, just to name a few.
I have issues, people!
(Incidentally, if you care to read any of my incessant ranting posts, just search “incessant ranting”, because I’m not going to link all of them. I don’t have that kind of time.)
Origin: Heather from The Extraordinary Ordinary whist expressing her anticipation of the next rant, or “katrant” as she called it.
Definition: A combination of the words lame and awesome, meaning both equally lame and awesome.
Origin: Used to describe my friend Angela of Vanities of Vanities who is lawsome because she disagrees with me sometimes and gets all pretend indignant with me. Lawsome.
Definition: the condition of being perfectly lazy.
Origin: Brian Russell made it up on the twitter in hopes of making it into the katdishionary update more than once (see nerdgasm). A coveted distinction, to be sure. Or not.
Example: “Earlier this year, I watched the first five seasons of Lost in as many weeks, including some days when I never changed out of my pajamas. It was truly a lethargeriffic experience!”
Definition: a term used to describe my using Monday’s guest blogger Billy Coffey to attract a wider female audience. (Which, BTW, it totally did.)
Using Billy as man-candy? Shame on you! Now do it some more.
(See also mantastic)
Definition: when something extremely nerdy reaches epic proportions of excitement in a nerd’s brain (possibly inducing drool and fanboyism).
Origin: Brian Russell created this word and used it to describe his reaction to seeing the trailer for Tron: Legacy. He also wrote a Underfold comic about it, which I can’t find at he moment, but I’m sure he will link it in the comments section, won’t you Brian?
Editor’s Note: I would just like to point out that I am not a nerd, and I consider myself more of a freak than a geek. But for whatever reason, I seem to attract them like moths to a flame, in both the virtual and non-virtual worlds. I don’t know why.
Definition: Acronym for “Or something like that”. (Although I had no clue what it meant until alert twitterer @elysa googled it for me yesterday. Thanks @elysa!
Candy said: You know you have become “one of them” when you SAY “LOL” in conversation. OMG. C’mon, Kat, get with the 80′s! I started using abbreviations back in my PC Jr days. (That would have been BEFORE NtG was born). The reason was so my kids wouldn’t know what I was saying. What goes around, comes around. OSLT.
Helen said: Candy, what does OSLT mean? I am reading it phonetically and I don’t like it one bit!
Katdish said: Helen – I think Candy just called you a slut. I could be wrong…
PCB – acronym for Pornographic Cheese Butler
Definition – A life sized statue of a butler once used in wine and cheese displays at the local Kroger grocery store. Unfortunately, the artist responsible for creating the PCB neglected to give him any pants. Hence the “pornographic” part. Thankfully, he was wearing a long apron covering his frontsettes. (We will cover frontsettes in a later edition.)
Definition: When the nerves in your eyes get crossed with the nerves in your butt causing you have a crappy outlook on life.
Origin: Candy Steele, RN and a co-worker created this diagnosis when looking for legitimate reasons for people being so difficult to work with.
Candy Steele circa 1981
“After 20 years of working for the U. S. Postal Service, Newman had a severe case of rectoretinitis.”
Definition: A state of mind brought on by too many Bratz Dolls in the house.
Usage: “So, apparently I’m in a bit of a non-conformity/skanktinicity groove lately. I’ll shake the skanky thing as soon as I get the rest of those Bratz dolls out of my house. BTW – If you don’t want me to send the leftover dolls and feet to our good friend Beth, you should probably take a bullet for her and enter the contest. I think I’ve gotten her pretty worked up about that — mostly because she knows I’ll do it without blinking an eye.”
(See also Skanktacular)
Definition: The state of not wanting to leave the house due to an excess period between root touch ups which gives me the appearance of wearing an odoriferous rodent on my head.
Origin: Genetics. Asian DNA which causes premature graying. I started going gray in my late 20′s. Sadly, the math gene was not passed on to me.
Example: Sorry. I can’t meet you for lunch today. I’m feeling a bit skunkalicious.
Definition: A term used to describe one of my epic Sky Mall posts as being “docious”. I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing. Not exactly sure. Perhaps Mr. Young will comment and either confirm or deny this.
Origin: Glynn Young of Faith, Fiction and Friends used this term when tweeting my post,
Backyard Oasis courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part One. Incidentally, this was the first of three in the series. If you haven’t read them, you might want to check them out. They’re skymalladocious! Or so I’ve been told…
Definition: The representation of laughter in written form. Although, truth be told I don’t actually “snort” when I laugh. I either belt out a rather loud “bah ha ha” or snicker like Muttley, Dick Dastardly’s sidekick in those old Hanna Barbera cartoons.
Origin: Oh, heck. It’s late. I can’t remember… (UPDATE: It was Steph who first snorted publically on the internets.)
Definition: (Deep, breathy sigh…) Seriously – I feel sort of silly including “TWSS” in the Katdishionary, but clearly it is necessary. The other day on the twitter, @coffeewithmarty asked @helenatrandom and @weightwhat, “What does TWSS mean?” (Actually, I believe he asked @HelenatRandom and @weightwatch, but I digress). To be fair, he knew all about “that’s what she said”, just not the acronym.
Origin: While the origins of TWSS are unknown, the saying regained popularity on one of the best shows on television today. I speak, of course, of The Office:
Unfollow Hammer (pronounced un-fol-o ham-mer)
image courtesy of photobucket.com
Definition: Laying down the unfollow hammer is the act of unfollowing someone without mercy on the twitter. Typically those whom you have followed that have not followed you back after several weeks. (The notable exception to this rule is @badbanana, who will not follow you, but is brilliant.) There are also people on twitter that will follow you for a courtesy refollow, then dump you 24 hours later. These people are (rhymes with “koosh tags”) and should have the unfollow hammer immediately slammed down upon them. You can find out when people unfollow you by signing up for NutshellMail.com (who should send me a nice fruit basket for referring all my friends to them).
Origin: My friend and sister in snark, Marni White. She completes me.
Definition: a more expediant way of communicating “I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
Origin: My initial reaction after learning of Helen at Random Musing’s fondness for head cheese.
Example: “Wait…you actually eat head cheese? Vurp!”
You’re not the boss of me – (pronounced Yur-not-the-boss-ov-mee)
Definition: A declarative phrase meaning “you’re not the boss of me”.
Origin: Two summers ago. My friends Jeff and Tamara had bought a house. Jeff was already here, but Tam and the girls were still living in Ohio. As a surprise housewarming gift for their daughters, they had picked out new bedding and I was painting their rooms to coordinate:
Some of you may think I’m not much of a follower, but that’s not necessarily true. I can and do follow strong leadership. Jeff is my pastor and I’m part of a church plant. I defer to Jeff and others when it comes to areas that are not my area of expertise. However…in this particular scenario (the painting of their house), I may have gotten a tad bit demanding and forceful in my opinions of how certain things should be handled, and I may have been insistent that certain things be done my way.
To which Jeff response was, “You’re not the boss of me.”
And then I don’t remember what happened after that because I was laughing too hard.