Archive - March, 2009

Twenty-one?

Excerpt from “I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt: Replacing Souvenir Religion with Authentic Spiritual Passion” by Vince Antonucci

Staff members at my church take one day each month to fast and pray. It’s a day designed to get away and get close to God, to focus on him and pray for the church. I decided to spend one prayer and fasting day at Burger King. I know this sounds bizzare, but I wasn’t going to eat. Normally, I go to a park or the beach on my prayer day, but it was cold outside, so I wanted a place where I could be inside but by myself. When I do my fasting day I don’t eat, but I do drink, so I thought, I’ll go to Burger King, get a Coke, sit there for a couple hours, read my Bible, and write in my journal. So I went in, got my Coke, sat down, and started reading.

Two minutes later a dirty, smelly guy came walking up. He was obviously extremely poor, probably homeless. He started pacing in front of my table. I glanced up several times but tried not to make eye contact because I wanted to keep reading my bible. After all, this was a day for me. My goal was to get me closer to God. Finally, I felt guilty and thought, This isn’t right. Vince, you need to take some time, die to yourself, and love this guy. So I asked, “Hey, can I help you with anything?”

Turns out the guy was from India. He started talking, but I could barely decipher his words. Finally, he handed me a piece of paper. It was a job application for Burger King. I said, “Oh, you want to apply here. Do you need help filling this out?” He nodded yes, so we got to work. It was difficult. One question asked about experience. I think he said he used to be a cook. In Florida? India? Indiana? Another requested his home address, but he didn’t have one. It took nearly an hour. Finally, we were done and he walked to the counter to turn it in. I thought, It’s good that I helped him, but I’m glad that’s over. I went back to reading.

One minute later he was sitting back at my table. I said, “Oh, Hi.” He sat and stared at me. I thought, Maybe he’s hungry. “Do you need something to eat?” I asked. He said yes, so I gave him a few dollars. And he appreciated it. He really appreciated it. He grabbed both my hands and started rubbing them all over his face and neck. I thought, Oh…my…goodness! This is so weird! Finally, after the thirty most awkward seconds of my life, he grabbed my money and disappeared. I thought, Wow. Well, it’s a good thing that I helped him. But I am so glad that’s over. I went back to reading.

Two minutes later he was sitting back at my table. This time he had a burger and fries. I thought, Maybe he just needs someone to talk to. I started a conversation, and then he asked me about the Bible I was reading. I started to explain that I believed in Jesus. A smile erupted on his face and he pulled his wallet out. He proudly showed me a picture of Jesus. I said, “Yeah, that’s who I’m telling you about!” Then he proceeded to show me pictures of Buddha, Muhammad, a goat, Reggie Jackson, there may have been some pictures of Regis Philbin, the Dali Lama, and Bea Arthur in there as well. He became very serious and asked, “Do you know what God’s name is?”

I said, “Yes, I’m trying to explain to you –I believe his name is Jesus. Jesus is God’s Son.”

He said, “No! God’s name is twenty-one!”
“Huh?”
“God’s name is twenty-one. Do you understand?” he demanded.
“Yeah, you just said God’s name is Twenty-one.”
His voice was rising, “No. No! God’s name is twenty-one.”
I repeated, “God’s name is Twenty-one.”
“No! God’s name is Twenty-one!”
“Got it. God’s name is Twenty-one.”
“No! God’s name is Twenty-one!”

Finally, I put an end to our Abbot and Costello routine and asked him to please explain what he meant. He tried. I think what he was struggling to say was that he believed that all religions worship the same God and that God is called by twenty-one different names in the various religions of the world, and so he has twenty-one names.

“Okay, I understand now,” I said. “But I believe there is only one God, and Jesus was his Son.”

“He asked, “Do you know who is God today?”
I answered, “Twenty-one?”
“No,” he said. “Today, you are God to me.”
“No, I’m not God,” I responded.
“Yes, you are,” he countered.
“No,” I explained. “I’m trying to show you the love of God, but I’m not God.”
“No. Today you love me,” he said. “You help me. You feed me. Who is God? He loves, he helps, he feeds. Today, you are God to me.”

In one sense he was theologically wrong, because I’m certainly not God. But in another sense, he was right. Because God has asked me to represent him, to be his ambassador.

We need to be the good news before we share the good news so that our gospel has integrity. We need to make the gospel beautiful again. We need to lose all the trappings so people can experience the natural beauty of God’s good news. We need to show people what life in God’s kingdom is like before we invite them into it.

Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway – Week 2

A big thanks to all who participated in the first ever Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway. Congratulations, Erin!

Now on to Week Two: “Slutty Girlz Rock Band”:

Before I introduce the next group, I feel I need to make a disclaimer. The featured doll in this collection represents a young woman who has had her share of problems. As a matter of fact, her life is a bit of a train wreck. Her personal and legal problems did not factor into my selection of her. I really don’t like to kick someone when they’re down. That being said, I think it is safe to say that sober or otherwise, for me, she definitely falls into the category of “Skanktacular”.

That’s right, peeps! For your winning entry, not only will you receive Grammy award winning singer of “Rehab” Miss Amy Winehouse, but also:

Two additional vixens with guitars, a stage, 2 mic stands w/mics, 2 speakers,

Creepy wanna-be singer/song writer/roadie with keyboard,

Three working Bratz Rock Angelz mini CDs, and

A only slightly dog-chewed microphone, doll stand, and of course, extra feet!

Needles to say, this particular grouping is quite Skankerriffic! Deadline is next Saturday at 9:00 AM Central time. Enter early, enter often!

The envelope please…

Before I announce the winner of HLAC’s first ever Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway, I need to take care of some bloggity business. As previously mentioned, Stacy from Louisville (aka “Stace”), was disqualified from the contest. I did, however offer an alternative prize for one of her fabulous giveaways. Stacy, may I offer to you for future giveaways, Lint from my Dryer:

(You’re welcome! Don’t mention it.)

Now, on to the contest. I will tell you that 2 out of 3 of the judges put a great amount of thought into choosing the winner of this contest. (One of them thinks I’m very silly and that I should probably go grocery shopping. But I digress…) The following is an excerpt from an email from one of the judges:

“ok- here’s my 2 top ones – Jake and RRRRamone….but it’s tough..the GI Joes need women….and I want to pick Helen just because….
but….the more I think of it being the Kardashian sisters….it seems they need to go to Tony C to get to know the GI Joe guys….is that sick and twisted?
RRRamone at least needs to get some feet….but Jake and the antennae story is really funny….I keep vacillating….ok – final answer – Toncy C -…I can’t quit you!!!!”

When all was said and done, there were four favorites. Tony C and Jake both had compelling stories, Rrramone was a strong contender for all of the judges, and regardless of the results of future contests, he will definitely be getting some feet.

But there can only be one winner. Two out of the three judges agreed that one story deserved to win. And while the story was compelling, what put this contestant over the top was the introduction of a new word forever burned into the judges’ minds:

Prostitot:

Congratulations Erin! Please email me at katdishrich@gmail.com with your shipping address. Non-winning entries will be forwarded to this week’s contest. Enter early. Enter often!

Later today, I will introduce the next group, “Slutty Girlz Rock Band” featuring the musical stylings of Miss Amy Winehouse! Stay tuned…

HLAC: An equal opportunity offender

Last week, when I posted The ABC’s of crap in my purse, I promised a non-girly post containing fart humor and/or gratuitous violence. A promise is a promise. For your viewing pleasure, I give you Gas Right Strips:

and Ren and Stimpy:

You’re welcome.

Contest deadline for Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway – Week One is tomorrow at 9:00 AM central time. Later that day, the winner will be revealed and a new group of saucy plastic wenches will be introduced. I have disqualified Stacy from Louisville because she would only give them away on her blog. I do, however have a very nice alternative item that I would be willing to donate for one of her fabulous giveaways. Details tomorrow…

Keeping Austin weird, one visit at a time.

There are many reasons I love Austin. First and foremost being, it is in Texas. I was born in Virginia, but as the saying goes, “I got to Texas as fast as I could.” This attitude may seem obnoxious to many – especially people from Oklahoma – but speaking for me personally, it is not meant to be. It’s one thing to visit here. You can come and go, then move on with your life. But there’s something about living in Texas that grabs onto your heart and never lets go. Can I get a witness? But back to Austin. How could I not love a place whose slogan is “Keep Austin Weird”? Here’s a brief explanation from the crack research team at Wikipedia:

Keep Austin Weird is the slogan adopted by the Austin Independent Business Alliance to promote small businesses in Austin, Texas. The phrase arose from an offhand remark by Red Wassenich (a librarian at Austin Community College) in a phone call to a local radio station. He and his wife, Karen Pavelka, placed the slogan on bumper stickers, distributing them free to businesses in Austin.

One interpretation of the slogan is as a reference to the many small businesses in Austin, which give the city its unique cultural identity.

The “Keep Austin Weird” slogan reaches far beyond a marketing campaign, however. Austin reflects a culture of artistic and individual expression that maintains the city as a vibrant and eclectic creative center. In a mostly conservative Texas, Austin is “Weird” because it continues to be progressive in the arts and music. “Keep Austin Weird”, moves beyond a mere slogan, to reflect the dynamics that encompass Austin.

For example, in January 2009 alone over 1700 live music venues were supported. Few cities in the world could boast such a broad spectrum of tastes. In addition, multiple festivals such SXSW, Austin City Limits, Armadillo Bazaar and the Batfest, among many others are highly attended with far reaching audiences.

Austin is just cool. Having said that, I’m glad to be home: Land of superior Internet connections. It seems everywhere I went in Austin, I saw reminders of home. For instance, I saw a sign that reflected my sister’s Native American name:

I even saw signs that reminded me of my Internet peeps. The kids and I ate lunch right next to this place:

which obviously reminded me of Tony C at Tony C Today. Incidentally, if you’ve never checked out his blog, he’s got what I consider to be the most awesome header bar in the blogosphere. That alone is worth the visit, but I digress…Right across the street, I saw a store the reminded me of my friend Sherri at Matter of Fact:

(Y’all, she don’t spell so good…)

And since my friend Helen over at Random Musings just got a new bed, this sign made me think of her:

Here’s a store that reminded me of Steph at the Red Clay Diaries, Beth at That’s Not Me Anymore, Annie at Buzz by Annie’s, Nick the Geek at My Experiences as a Youth Pastor, and Jake at Very Much Later:

(Okay, Jake – I realize that Boise isn’t exactly backwoods, but I didn’t see a baked potato place.)

Right next to “Backwoods” was a store that reminded me of Mare at It Might Be Hope and Koffijah at Koffihouse:

Hey, fellow smartypants contributors, check this out:

(How cool is THAT?)

Yes, reminders were all around me. Even on the drive home, the signs were everywhere. Here’s one that made me think of my new bloggy buddy Mandy Thompson:

As I entered the final stretch, literally minutes from home, I saw a sign that reminded me of Kathy at This Crazy Adventure I call Life:

Did I spend entirely too much time snapping pictures and generally annoying my children on this trip?

But that’s just one more thing that makes me so very annoying/endearing!

Did I mention the crummy internet connection?

I’m here in Lakeway, Texas visiting my dad and his wife. My son has been playing golf for the past 2 days. He just left for a private lesson, then 18 rounds with my dad. The Internet connection here is pretty lame. Sometimes I am able to leave comments on other blogs, sometimes not. However, almost without exception, I cannot leave comments on my own blog. Thanks for all the great feedback on yesterday’s post. I’ve checked out a couple of the blogs some of you left links to – very cool.

My daughter and I have been hanging out by the pool (even though it’s still a bit too cold to actually swim). We went shopping for tennis shoes yesterday, but somehow ended up at Justice for Girls, where we bought everything but tennis shoes. I’ve also been playing around with my camera, so I’d thought I’d share some pics with you peeps. I’ve even taken the liberty of making a couple of my own motivational posters. The shorts picture is not my own. I found it on the Internet, but it captures my discussion with my 7 year old daughter in the dressing room of Justice yesterday. Back to my usual thought provoking, deeply intellectual postings tomorrow. For now, please enjoy my lame photography skillz:
















Who’s your neighbor?

I have set out to write this post on several occasions, but I always get distracted. I don’t know why…

But my friend Stacy from Louisville (I mostly just call her Stacy, cuz we’re Facebook BFFs and all) wrote a really great post about community that reminded me about writing this particular post. When I started blogging, It was mostly just a way to write really long comments about what I thought about stuff, thereby saving space on other blogs in the comments section. (That’s worked out pretty well, don’t you think?) But it has become so much more than that. I have met so many great people through blogging that I can honestly say I consider my friends. I’ve even had the great pleasure of meeting some of them face to face, and am looking forward to meeting a few more. A few of my bloggity gal pals were discussing/wondering if we would have ever become friends if we had all met in the “real” world. I would really like to believe that we would, but I think the odds are against it. The blogs I follow are pretty diverse, as are the people who write them, but there is something that caught my attention, some kinship, about each and every one of them. My reading them was not random, it was intentional.

So….In the interest of being completely random, I’m challenging you to meet your blog neighbor! You can do this every day, and your neighbor will be different every time. If you have a blogger account, go to the top of your blog and click on “Next Blog”. There’s your neighbor! (You are allowed to skip the blog if it is in another language or just a little too freaky-deeky for your taste. That has been the case on several occasions for me.) But this time, my neighbor was Tanya at Trixi’s Stretching. No, she’s not a Pilate’s instructor. She’s a photographer and all around creative person. She also lives in Texas, like me. Considering all the blogs in locations all over the world, what are the odds of that? I left her a comment telling her that I was her neighbor and what I hope was an encouraging comment about the post I landed on. She’s a great photographer, btw. You should go check out her blog. I haven’t heard back from her, but her friend RRamone entered my Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway. He also made me laugh out loud. That dude’s a riot, and also an artist – Kewl.

So, there you have it. Are you going to stay inside your little circle of friends? Or are you going to go meet your neighbor? Inquiring minds want to know…

What we have here, is a failure to communicate

Now see, I don’t think this guy would have had any problems if he was in South Louisiana… (KIDDING!)


Bartle Doo? What say you?

Still loving me some Oswald Chambers


I’m not the best with quiet time (shocking, I know). But I read “My Utmost for His Highest” daily devotional, well, daily. This was my favorite devotion of the week:

March 12th.
ABANDONMENT

“Then Peter began to say unto Him, Lo, we have left all, and have followed Thee. . . .” Mark 10:28

Our Lord replies in effect, that abandonment is for Himself, and not for what the disciples themselves will get from it. Beware of an abandonment which has the commercial spirit in it – “I am going to give myself to God because I want to be delivered from sin, because I want to be made holy.” All that is the result of being right with God, but that spirit is not of the essential nature of Christianity. Abandonment is not for anything at all. We have got so commercialized that we only go to God for something from Him, and not for Himself. It is like saying, “No, Lord, I don’t want Thee, I want myself; but I want myself clean and filled with the Holy Ghost; I want to be put in Thy show room and be able to say – ‘This is what God has done for me.'” If we only give up something to God because we want more back, there is nothing of the Holy Spirit in our abandonment; it is miserable commercial self-interest. That we gain heaven, that we are delivered from sin, that we are made useful to God – these things never enter as considerations into real abandonment, which is a personal sovereign preference for Jesus Christ Himself.

When we come up against the barriers of natural relationship, where is Jesus Christ? Most of us desert Him – “Yes, Lord, I did hear Thy call; but my mother is in the road, my wife, my self-interest, and I can go no further.” “Then,” Jesus says, “you cannot be My disciple.”

The test of abandonment is always over the neck of natural devotion. Go over it, and God’s own abandonment will embrace all those you had to hurt in abandoning. Beware of stopping short of abandonment to God. Most of us know abandonment in vision only.

That dude cuts to the chase pretty consistently. I love that.

C3 starts meeting at Memorial Parkway Junior High tomorrow (ur, uh…today). I have seriously loved having church at our home, but we’re busting at the seams, and it’s time. Would you please pray that we would always be ready and willing to Love, Live and Serve in the direction or directions He would have us go? That would be awesome.

Peace out, homeys!

Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway!

Okay, okay…I know I said I had reached my self-imposed limit on ridiculous blogs posts for the week, but this is different. I’m giving away free stuff! To celebrate the fact that I have FINALLY convinced my daughter to get rid of a certain collection of dolls that I’m not very fond of, for the next few Saturdays, I will be giving away groupings of them.

Here’s the deal: In the comments section or via email (katdishrich@gmail.com), convince me how much you want these lovely little dolls and accessories pictured. Leave a caption, tell a story, make me laugh! I’m not going to judge the contest, because I don’t want to have to decide. So, I’ll probably ask Jeff, Tamara and my husband Ron to pick a winner. Special consideration will be given to those who link this post to other blogs authors who have never read this blog. Come on, spread the love that is Hey Look A Chicken! Ready? Let’s do this thing!

Super Skanktacular Saturday Giveaway No. 1:

The Kardashian Sisters Collection:


What better way to kick off this contest than dolls representing Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian? Surely these ladies represent all things Skanktacular!


Come on, people. You gotta admit, the resemblance is uncanny! You will also receive 3 additional skanky outfits:

Contest deadline next Saturday, 9:00 AM central time. At that time, I will also reveal the next group of dolls: “Slutty Girlz Rock Band!” Good Luck!

EDITOR”S NOTE: Annoying mother and bail money not included.

UPDATE: I realize many of you are saying, “Sure, those dolls are Skankalicious, but I really don’t have a need for them.” I am also willing to send these dolls to a friend, beautifully gift wrapped in an empty Fancy Feast cat food box, with gift card included. The longer these things are in my house, the more likelihood that my daughter will change her mind! Enter early, enter often!

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