Katdish.net

Alright, alright…Jon Acuff was NOT dressed like a pimp, nor did he have any large security guards surrounding him. As he promised on SCL, he was fairly easy to spot:

He was sporting the red down vest and the blue backpack choke full-o-skittles. I was pretty stoked that I was able to sit with him at the conference. Rather than give you a blow by blow of everything that happened at Catalyst (because frankly, I can’t remember everything), I’ll just give you a few things that stuck out in my mind:

• When everyone started pouring in to the main hall, I followed Jon to where he and his wife typically sit on Sunday mornings. (Hopefully not in a weird, stalkerish way.)
• Once seated, I call my husband and say, “I’m sitting next to Jon Acuff!”, while Jon Acuff calls his wife and says, “I’m sitting next to Katdish!”. I found this ridiculously funny.
• Steve Fee lead worship. Yes, THAT Steve Fee. And yes, it was awesome.

• I had to make a conscious effort NOT to look at Jon Acuff during this, because I found myself wondering if he was doing the “pound cake” or the “watermelon”. Shame on me.
• Randomly thinking to myself that attending Catalyst at North Point is like witnessing countless SCL posts come to life. Also realize that Jon Acuff is literally sitting on a gold mine of future posts.
• Realize that I may have to write an annoying comment on Dr. Tim Keller’s website just to let him know that I may have a new Super Mega-Pastor crush. Cuz Craig Groeschel is all that and a bag-o-chips. Anyone who can tell a packed room full of ministry people that if their vision is to be a mega church that they’re STUPID, is way cool in my book. (Said the chick from the tiny church plant.) Also wondering if he would be a father of 6 if there had been such a thing as a Snuggie or Slanket “back in the day”.
• First break: I grab my giant briefcase and rush to stand in line to get a picture of Andy Stanley and Zeke. I attempt to encapsulate the meaning behind Zeke in 10 seconds to Andy Stanley, give up and just take the picture. He was real sweet not to visibly roll his eyes at me.
• Attempt to get back to my seat after coming in late. The aisle of seats at North Point are VERY CLOSE together. Whist carrying my large, heavy briefcase over my head, I lose my balance, fall into the lap of a rather tall, relevant looking guy. Apologize profusely, get my big butt back to my seat, more than a little embarrassed at the scene I’ve just created.
• Am comforted by the words of Jon Acuff, who simply says in a hushed tone, “Nice.”
• More great praise and worship music, more awesome wisdom from Andy Stanley and Craig Groeschel. Free stuff, Q&A time, yada, yada, yada.
• Catalyst One Day draws to a close, but not before I finally get to meet Pete Wilson in the hallway. And yes, he’s as nice in person as you imagine he would be.
• Free hotel shuttle picks me up at North Point. She is late because traffic at that place is ridiculous. By the time I get back to the hotel, I have roughly 5 minutes to brush my teeth and have 2 pieces of Trident gum for dinner. Time to head out to “Off the Blogs”!

To be continued…

So, I get to Atlanta. The airport is ridiculously big and spread out. I follow the signs pointing to baggage claim and find myself on the biggest escalator I have ever seen. I then remark to no one in particular, “This is the biggest escalator I’ve ever seen!” This will be the first of many times during my visit where I get blank stares and/or people trying to get some physical distance from my general vicinity.

After being whisked away to baggage claim by a train that travels at approximately 500 mph, I get my bag, then meet up with my shuttle driver whose name I can’t pronounce. He is driving a champagne colored van with a suit to match – very classy in a Garanimals sort of way. We begin our journey to Alpharetta, Georgia. Random observations: Georgia has a lot of trees. My driver’s conversation skills are impressive. Driving skills? Not so much…

Arrive at my hotel, check in, go to my room. Call hubby and Steph at the Red Clay Diaries. (We’re friends now, so I just call her “Steph”.) Realize that those pretzels are not going to tide me over until the complimentary breakfast tomorrow morning. Call the front desk to find out that there is a free shuttle provided by the hotel to take me anywhere my heart desires within a 5 mile area. Kewl. Have a burger, fries and root beer float from Steak and Shake for the first time in 20 years. Yum.

Proceed to put together giant bags of random awesomeness for Steph, Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson:

Realize that it is getting late and I have yet to cover my varnish stained fingernails on my ugly man-hands. This is an occupational hazard of painting. Fortunately, I remembered to purchase some Lee press-on nails prior to leaving Houston. Proceed to glue tacky nails on. Get into bed, proceed to toss and turn until 6:00 am Thursday morning.

Shower, primp and get dressed. I am completely underwhelmed by the mighty power of the hotel blow dryer with approximately 5 watts of power. Load up laptop, camera, and a bunch of other crap and head down for some free breakfast.

Take free shuttle to North Point Community Church. That is one big church! Pick up ticket at will call desk and drop off bags for Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson. Right at that moment, I hear playing loudly from a boom box “Mama Said Knock you out”. Turn to see Jon Acuff dressed to the nines, with fur coat and sunglasses, surrounded by 4 large security guards who clear a path for him as he throws Skittles to the adoring hoard of onlookers, occasionally making eye contact to some swooning female and mouths to her, “Wuzzup?”

Oh, gee whiz! I’m out of time for today! Tomorrow I’ll tell you how I won a contest in order to win the privilege of sitting next to Jon Acuff at the Catalyst One Day!

Editor’s Note: Portions of the above post may be slight exaggerations or just flat out hooey.