The Highly Anticipated Twitter Update

Okay, people. I’m going in a bit of a different direction this week. Mostly because it’s 4:36 on a Thursday afternoon and I really don’t feel like going back through all my tweets to find the best ones. I know many of you who follow me also follow @tremendousnews. I must admit, I find him/them strangley appealing for a giant stack of newspapers. First, a bit of their bio:

Don’t follow us if you’re really-really smart. You know when your math teacher asked you to carry the 1? We still don’t know what that means.
Location: Tremendousvillelandstan

And here are some random tweets from @tremendousnews:

On the subject of #whyItweet:

Because alarmingly, my entire personality can fit into 140 characters or less.

Because my New Year’s resolution was to read 9000 articles on social media and how I can “leverage” it.

Because right now, I’m judging the person who RTs this.

Because, unlike real life, nobody here replies to me with “why is that creepy man staring at us?”

Because when I’m drunk, it’s easier to tweet my problems than come to terms with them.

Because libel is way easier to read in 140 characters.

Because apparently I was wrong when I said “hi5 is the future of social media”

To watch humanity die when you use the word “Tweeple”

Because somebody has to inform the 64 yr old lady from Utah that she’s not a social media expert.

Because after 140 characters, I become completely unbearable.

On the subject of #whywefollow:

Because you and your BF are so in love, your Twitter image must feature an alarmingly tight embrace.

Because we know you’ll twitpic the omelette you make tomorrow morning just to spice up our life.

Because you’re blissfully unaware that that close-up of you is way too close up.

Because you use 7 different programs to tweet 100s of urgent links to WordPress templates.

Because you happily Tweet from a date that all of Twitter knows will go horribly wrong.

Because your bio says ‘happily taken’ but that look on your face says anything but.

You tease us by looking almost-naked in your twitter image. Then we blow it up and are devastated. Then we do it again.

Your heartbreaking 1-way conversations with @aplusk where it appears you believe he cares about your relationship problems.

You look way too happy in your profile picture to be completely unmedicated.

Because I’m dying to know how a 18 yr old girl from Denver feels about the Credit Crunch.

On the subject of Random #beatlesfacts:

Sgt. Pepper was the result of a careful blend of imagination, love, hope, and black tar heroin.

You cannot digest the true musical magic of the Beatles unless Kanye West samples them and adds his empty lyrics.

The original title was, “Lucy in the Sky With Sick-Ass Bling”

Everything the Beatles accomplished was meant for the day they would have their own RockBand on Wii.

Miscellaneous Randomness:

Your bathroom-mirror picture of yourself tells me you can meet up to me intellectually.

To the gentleman who cursed me out because of my #beatlesfacts: you were hurtful and surprisingly accurate.

Don’t ever make the mistake of saying “Rhonda is a horrible name.” Electronic Rhonda hate is the last thing you need.

ButterTweet: She’s got a super hot picture but her tweets make me want to throw my head in a blender.

Officer, you may call it soliciting prostitution but we call it monetizing offline assets.

DM: “Your attitude is inappropriate for the Twitter community. I’m unfollowing.” -> I’ve been electronically dumped. But it feels so good.

“Thanks for following me. Please add me to Facebook” No thanks. I can only take you in small, 140 char doses.

You tweet through your bodily functions yet I cannot unfollow you. I’m arrested by your glorious grossness.

It’s odd when people tweet exactly where they’re at. It’s a cry for attention. And for us, a cry for another restraining order.

Being unfollowed is hurtful because it tells you that even in less than 140 characters, people can’t stand you.

So, there you have it people. Random hilarity and social commentary in 140 characters or less from my friends at @tremendousnews. Some may say they are wildly inappropriate. I think they are tremendous!

And for the record, @prodigaljohn still stubbornly refuses to follow me on twitter.