Katdish.net

When I decided to do a question and answer session, I never thought people would ask real questions. It’s been a little exhausting talking about myself so much. (Shut up, Steph!) This is the final installment of my three part series. The fact that I actually completed a series is a big deal in itself. If you missed the first two installments, you can find them here: Part One and here: Part Two

Now, on with the countdown…

Tony C asked…
What TV character best depicts the real Katdish?

Well, since he now appears on Nickelodeon, I would have to say King Julian from Madagascar.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries asked…
Wow! The chance to ask questions of the Great Katdish. (rubs hands together, mumbling to self)

1. So we all know you’re this amazing social media darling/Twitter Ho. I’m just wondering what brilliant person introduced you to Twitter. That person needs thanking. And cash.

That would be my ever so humble friend Steph at the Red Clay Diaries, who guilted me into getting a Twitter account. Feel free to heap praises and/or burning coals upon her head.

2. When are you gonna change the blog name? And will it be to Hey Look a Shiny Vampire? Or Hey Look a Monkey Butt?

No plans to change the blog name. Although… “Hey Look a Twitter Ho” has a nice ring to it.

3. If you got offered a book deal, what would you write about?

A book deal? Let’s see…I would probably write a scathing review of how if you’re a shameless self promoter or a famous person, publishers want you to write something – anything – even if you don’t even write it yourself. Meanwhile, there are tons of incredibly gifted writers with a story to tell out there trying to get a book deal with little to no success. I would write a book about how incredibly unfair that is, and how people are hungry for a good story – not a bunch of blowhards talking about how wonderful they are. (Not that I’ve given this much thought.) Who the heck would ask me to write a book? I’m willing to entertain any and all offers, BTW.

4. Do you think Peter P actually HAS a life, or does he make a career of being first commenter and commenting “First comment”?

I’m gonna let you take that one up with Peter P.

The Homefront asked…
Oooo, this should be an interesting post!

Thanks, I hope so.

How do you find the time to do so much blogging and Twittering?

It’s really a matter of priorities. Horribly, misdirected priorities. Actually, I’m quite the multi-tasker. I stay close to home most of the time, so I read blogs, answer emails, etc. on my blackberry while I’m waiting in carpool, etc. At home, I dash to the computer between loads of laundry or not cleaning house. I write at night when everyone else is asleep. I’m sort of vampirish that way. I’m getting twitter on my blackberry soon. Be afraid…be very afraid.

Do you often find yourself Twitterpated?

Seriously? Are you following me on Twitter?

Which teen phenomenon is better: Twilight or Harry Potter, and why?

I really liked Twilight, but I have to go with Harry Potter hands down. Why? Because in the end, good triumphs over evil and Love wins. Just as it should be.

In a fight who would win: Chuck Norris or Jet Li?

No offense to Chuck Norris, but Jet Li. No question.

How cool is Jack Nicholson?

Jack Nicholson is very cool, in a slightly creepy, smells like stale cigarettes and aspercreme, old man sort of way.

Why, oh, why did you leave Virginia for the wilds of Texas?

Not by choice. My dad was transferred, so I came unwillingly. Having said that, Texas is a wonderful place. The weather in my neck of the woods totally sucks, but the people here are fantastic. It’s my adopted home. I can’t say I would never leave, because God has a pretty good sense of humor, and as soon as I say something like that, I’ll probably have to move to Oklahoma.

Stacey asked…
What kind of books do you like to read and what’s your favorite book ever?

I love a good story. I’ve read tons of novels and mysteries. I read quite a bit of non-fiction books on faith and Christianity. Favorite book ever? Wow. That’s a tough one. I don’t think I could give you just one, so I’ll give you a few:

Where the Wild Things Are, The Box Car Children, The Cat ate my Gymsuit, The Ragamuffin Gospel, The Reason For God, The Harry Potter Series, The Chronicles of Narnia Series, Gone With The Wind, The Green Mile, Duma Key, Liesy’s Story, (okay – pretty much anything by Stephen King) Watchers, I Became a Christian and all I got was this Lousy T-shirt, and a yet to be published book that I happen to be reading right now. I’ll let you know when it’s published…

Also, if you could travel to anywhere, where would you go?

Australia, New Zealand, or a remote island somewhere (fully staffed, of course).

And finally, what’s your favorite Kool aid flavor?

Well NOT the Apple Computer Kool-Aid, that’s for sure. Hmmm….Wild Berry.

Billy Coffey said…
You’d better be careful how you answer Homefront’s Chuck Norris vs. Jet Li question. Very careful. Your honorary man card depends upon it.

I’m sure you’ll let me know either way.

Annie K said…
What makes you cry?

Oh, you just HAD to go there didn’t you, Annie? True confession time – I am extremely tender-hearted. Lots of things make me cry. I swear I can’t watch that Mean Joe Green Coca Cola commercial without tearing up a little. Injustice and unfairness makes me angry, unless I am helpless to change it. Then it makes me cry. Suffering makes me cry, especially when children suffer. So, yes – I’m a big crybaby. Physical pain doesn’t make me cry, emotional pain does. Happy? Sheesh!

JML asked…
HOly Crap! People asked good questions. I’m not good at this game, so I suppose I’ll sort of go along Billy’s train of thought and not only ponder about what you want out of life but also, what did you/do you want to be when you grow up? Did you ever go to school for anything? and would you please tell me where you hid the beer!

I suppose I want what everyone else wants out of life. I want to be happy, but I’ll take joy any day of the week. I hope I never grow up, I’m enjoying being incredibly immature. After high school, I went to a vocational school to train to be (hold on to your hats, people) a secretary/accounting analyst. Yeah, PERFECT for me, huh? I got a job working for a major oil company after graduation, and used my wily charms to make people believe that I actually knew what I was doing. I took some additional college courses, but never graduated. I know I should want to, but I really don’t have any desire to do so. (Shhh…don’t tell my kids that.) I am a self taught painter. I think at this point any classes would interrupt my painting mojo. I’m sure I do everything wrong. I hid the beer on the twitter.

God said…
Dear Katdish,

Love,

God

Umm….well you should know.

Beth asked…
So where are all the answers??? Get your booty off the lake and come answer our silly questions.

Beth – You’re not the boss of me!

sherri asked…
Here’s my question: I’ve decided to redecorate one of my boy’s old bedrooms and convert it into a nice guestroom (so my blog pals can be pampered when they all come to visit).I’ve decided on a beach theme because I just returned from the beach and I must say I was inspired. Anyway, I don’t like the “Novelty” beach look, just hints, here and there, and I want it to be lighter greens, blues, tans (like Fort Walton Beach and Destin.)

Now, to the question part:Will you fly here and decorate it for me if I pamper you afterwards and you can be the first guest? Huh? Huh? Watta’ say?*Note: I’m broke, so I can’t pay you, but I will supply all the materials, cook for you, entertain you while you’re here , show you all the sites and I’ll throw in a pair of stilettos!Think about it, and get back to me.

Yes. Of course I will help you. I wouldn’t take money from you Sherri. I know you have clearance shoes to buy, and you should probably keep some bail money handy in case you ever get arrested for shoplifting.

God’s Not Finished With Us Yet… asked…
Hey, I wanna play! I know I’m commin’ in kinda late to the game so this question may already have been asked “How did you come up with ‘Katdish’ as your nickname?” Maybe I asked you this before; not sure. ;D Also, what is your favorite all time dessert? No reason, just sheer curiosity as I have a late night snack on my pecan pie…

My maiden name is Kathy Dishman. I’ve been called katdish for as long as I can remember (among other things that I won’t go into here). It is rather catchy, isn’t it? Favorite dessert? Depends on my mood. Either brownies a’la mode or a banana pudding recipe that my friend Karla gave me years ago. It. Is. GOOD!

Alright folks. All this honesty and straight forward talk is giving me a rash. Gotta go get on the twitter now…

Big, huge news! My geeky church planter friend Beth, who goes by the name @HerbieGookins (?), finally caved and is on the twitter. We’re all very excited! Helen has found her twitter ho gift in hash tagging #nicerfilmtitles, and people are turning their avatars green to support Iran whist @tremendousnews makes fun of them. I also made a lame attempt to tweet haikus, which was a miserable failure. Sorry. I know this is really long, just stop reading when your eyes start to bleed:

Beginning with favorite tweets submitted by a few of my twitter pals:

From my geeky church planter Beth on her way to Twitter Ho-dom:
1. Side by side laptops on the couch. Are we geeky or what?
2. Time to say hello to the sun while it’s still here. Herbie Gookins out, yo.
3. @marni71 Thanks. Did I just do that right? And who doesn’t enjoy typing “HerbieGookins”?
4. I see how it is. My Mom and Katdish tweeting about me behind my back. You are both so busted. Once I figure this blessed thing out…grrr
5. I have no idea what I’m doing. Obviously.
6. New to twitter. Learning, learning.

From Jason:
br8kthru: I can’t convince someone that something is worthwhile & valuable. All I can do is share my experience & lead by example.

br8kthru: Bed is calling me. It keeps calling me Beatrice, which is weird but I’m going anyway. Goodnight!

@katdish there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus- sadly, I must condemn you ’cause laughing cow is nasty.

From @weightwhat (Wendy):
No brothers in my family. We called boy parts “What the heck is that thing?!”

@katdish – I follow people who I find to be intellectually stimulating, people who can challenge my thinking and cause me to grow. And you.

RT @katdish @CandySteele I refuse to emote! I won’t do it, I tell ya! I won’t! :o) (*snort*)

@katdish – And now I’ll throw my head back and laugh maniacally! Muahahaha!

@katdish – It’s Beach Blogger Billy! Man, I hope they come out with the action figure soon.

From @marni71: (who misunderstood my question, obviously and sent me other people’s tweets)

WE GOT BETH TO CAVE? Is there no end to our powers? Look out Matt, you’re next…muahahahahah

I need WD-40. My office chair is making some icky noises…and I don’t want others to think it’s me

@Jess_Hays I AM the po po ho, fool!

From @helenatrandom:
@buzzbyannies You know, like “satan”. cubs = satan….

@buzzbyannies I am not actually giving cubs the middle finger. Just the middle finger of grammar: not capitalizing their name!

Place Mamma Away from the Rear of the Train Gently Onto the Tracks #nicerfilmtitles

*Note: @jewdacris4 either sent me some and I lost them, or we talked about him sending me some and it never happened…I forget. It’s really late. So send them to me and I’ll add them, dude.

And now for my incessant ramblings. Again…sorry. Feel free to quit reading and run screaming from your computer.

1. RT @br8kthru: I love puns & love this: Next time you’re asked, “Paper or Plastic?” justsay, “Doesn’t matter to me. I’m bi-sacksual.”
2. Okay, seriously. I may have to devote my entire twitter update to @herbiegookins getting on the twitter!
3. RT @HerbieGookins: I have no idea what I’m doing. Obviously. YAY!
4. @herbiegookins – Get on the twitter so we can talk to you! Facebook is dead!
5. @Helenatrandom No. You have to use reverse psychology on her. Tell her not to. She’s fairly stubborn that @herbiegookins
6. @marni71 We are strong. We are invincible. We are twitter hos.
7. LET THE HEAVENS AND EARTH DECLARE: BETH HAS CAVED! FOLLOW HER! @herbiegookins
8. RT @marni71: @Helenatrandom Yeah, I couldn’t think of anything that rhymed with pretentious..ooh wait, this just in…contentious.
9. @Helenatrandom I’ve had over 100 FB inbox items before. My strategy? Ignore them.
10. Stomach is bothering me this morning. Probably should have passed up the pork tar-tar last night…
11. @PuriChristos You cain’t quit us Nick! You wish you could, but you cain’t!
12. Non-creepy followers! Please follow @marni71 She is wicked awesome funny, & if you don’t I’m not so sure we can be friends anymore.
13. @JennCallingHome Thanks! I checked out your blog & decided to refollow, despite your creepy brown avatar…
14. @Brian_Russell Well, forget it. You can’t make me drink the Microsoft Kool-Aid!
15. RT @badbanana: Another hot, humid day ahead. Once again, I bet I’ll be the only one at work smart enough to wear a beer hat.
16. RT @CandySteele: Pants are pinned shut and I’m wearing my husband’s socks. GQ cover material or pink fuzzy man card material?
17. @buzzbyannies Have a great day! I’ll be especially lazy and unmotivated in your absence.
18. @shrinkingcamel Okay, what is Bing? (besides Crosby and cherry).
19. @Helenatrandom It looks to me as you’re saying, “How-dee-do, cubbies! You just got pwoned!”
20. @xjkradicoolx Good luck with not being a grumpy ho today, of course!
21. @buzzbyannies @CandySteele What is this? Farmer Thursday on the twitter?
22. RT @tylerstanton: Never has an iPhone upgrade made me feel more average. Thanks 3.0!
23. @buzzbyannies Because it’s the home of the armadillo, with the friendliest people & the prettiest women you’ve ever seen.
24. @speaktruthtoyou I spell it “kewl”. And you’re not the boss of me!
25. @prodigaljohn The sad part about the whole “bring my cardboard breakdance mat” statement is that you probably actually have one.
26. I support the whole green avatar thing, but seriously – I would look like broom hilda if I did that. Yeah, I’m vain like that…
27. @CandySteele I yam what I yam. At least I don’t pretend I’m humble. That’s incredibly annoying
28. FB RT: Jeremy Peterson if you haven’t tried tweetdeck for the iphone, check it out! (Kool Aid! He drank the kool aid!)
29. @prodigaljohn It takes a man secure in his masculinity to openly admit that on the twitter.
30. @Brian_Russell Katdish coffee mugs.
31. @alliebaldwin You really like shopping at the walmarts don’t you?
32. @chrissulli Wow. Who knew anyone listened to me?
33. One of the disadvantages of living in a warm climate is that I do not own a snow shovel, which makes cleaning my daughter’s room difficult.
34. @LevelTen_Colin Oh my goodness! I totally do all of those. I must be some kind of bloggy prodigy or something.
35. @jerdavcpa Ah, yes…Math – my arch nemesis!
36. RT @badbanana: Nearly 60% won’t graduate from one Chicago school. But that still means 80% will, so stop picking on public schools.
37. RT @Helenatrandom: Too bad @PuriChristos is busy…he’d love this one…. Dial M for Monkeybutt #nicerfilmtitles
38. RT @tremendousnews: #nicerfilmtitles The Devil Wears Moderately-Priced Shoes Bought From The Outlet Off I-35.
39. RT @tremendousnews: #nicerfilmtitles Meet Joe African-American
40. @chrissulli Well, SNAP OUT OF IT! All better?
41. @Helenatrandom @marni71 “pickle” just saying…
42. RT @weightwhat: @Helenatrandom said “boy parts”… heh heh
43. @Helenatrandom I think you’ve found your special purpose in life!
44. RT @Helenatrandom: Place Mamma Away from the Rear of the Train Gently Onto the Tracks #nicerfilmtitles
45. Intellectually stimulating group of twitter friends this morning! @helenatrandom, @weightwhat, @marni71, @br8kthru, @redclaydiaries
46. @Helenatrandom Twitter Ho Fire, Baby!
47. RT @Helenatrandom: Good Will Catch and Release #nicerfilmtitles
48. @marni71 I need to make sure I put that on my Friday update so Sharkbait the twitter snob can blush.
49. RT @Helenatrandom: My Big Pleasantly Plump Greek Wedding #nicerfilmtitles
50. Wonderful Wacky Wednesday!: @redclaydiaries and her obscene amount of laundry baskets.
51. RT @buzzbyannies: @katdish You’re like the pied piper of ho’s on twitter. Creepy. (Aw, thanks Annie. Love you too!)
52. RT @tremendousnews: #nicerfilmtitles The Gently-Sobbing Game: Because She’s Not Really A Dude In This One, Just Really High Maintenance.
53. Good Morning! My entire Replies Column is full of Wacky Wednesday shout outs. Thank you, and I’m sorry!
54. @billycoffey You haven’t been published because you never had proper nasty pimp representation until now.
55. Yeah, @tremendousnews ! Why you gotta be hating on @xjkradicoolx grampa like that?
56. @loswhit Hey, Los. Will you follow me so I can pretend your @CHRIS_Daughtry? Thanks.
57. @CandySteele You’re so lawsome!
58. Okay, I’ll stop. No restraining orders, please.
59. You know what? I think @CHRIS_Daughtry is just playing hard to get. He digs me. I know he does.
60. I can’t help myself. I swear I will RT anything @tremendousnews says.
61. RT @tremendousnews: Out of the box thinking: A Tiny URL that shrinks Tiny URLs. Angel investors? DM me
62. @bloggerservice thank you. did you miss the “I won’t pay you but I will owe you a solid part”?
63. @kizabrat that would explain the strange following after an excessive amount of monkey butt tweets.
64. RT @asilannax: That excessively white kid driving down White Blvd blaring Kanye West? I’m sorry.
65. AHEM! Would anyone like to redesign my blog? I won’t pay you, but I would owe you a solid.
66. @billycoffey Hush. You’re interrupting my mojo.
67. @weightwhat @Helenatrandom That’s okay. I see how you are…
68. @CandySteele @redclaydiaries Are you people seriously talking about salad? Sheesh!
69. @PuriChristos That comment was freaking AWESOME!
70. @weightwhat You did NOT just add a smiley face to the end of my tweet! ARGH!
71. @CandySteele I refuse to emote! I won’t do it, I tell ya! I won’t!
72. @PeterPollock Yes, well my point is, I sort of like people to read my blog. I know, it’s an ego thing…
73. RT @tylerstanton: Our new phone books just arrived. I’ve never been less excited about anything.
74. @CandySteele So sad. I am so very sad @CHRIS_Daughtry refuses to follow me. (I’m tempted to use an emoticon here, but I have my pride)
75. @CandySteele Oh, that hurt! Why won’t @CHRIS_Daughtry follow me? I’m so sad…(I’m going for pathetic, pulling out all the stops.)
76. @tremendousnews Check you link, there’s nothing there. (that’s what she said)
77. @PeterPollock Hmm…sounds interesting. I’m not sure how many of my readers actually read books, though…
78. @myapronstrings Thanks. That was not at all helpful.
79. Just checked facebook account. I have 40 items in my in box. Will continue to practice avoidance.
80. @PeterPollock Do you get free books? People need to send me free books. I would totally owe them a solid!
81. FB RT: Jeremy Peterson is ready for iphone 3.0 software to release tomorrow. (He’s drank the kool-aid folks!)
82. This just in: @CHRIS_Daughtry is still not following me on twitter.
83. Okay Twitter – gotta go be someone’s worst nightmare at the pedicure place!
84. @SUPERkevo Dude, your tweets are short yet explanatory. Yeah, I’ll follow…
85. @PeterPollock Kidding, of course…
86. @PeterPollock Excessive use of exclamation points. Unfollow.
87. @br8kthru But did you have to count with your fingers? I totally have to do that.
88. @mabeswife I know, it’s craptastic huh?
89. Have you noticed yet/My tweets are in haiku form/They’re sucktacular!
90. @br8kthru Okay, how’s this: I ate chex mix and laughing cow cheese for breakfast.
91. RT @stretchmarkmama: If I could just find a way to route the coffee pot through the shower head, I might actually ENJOY this morning.
92. @Helenatrandom What doesn’t remind you of a joke, Helen?
93. RT @KevinMartineau: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
94. @Flauxers That’s why I never travel anywhere by donkey.
95. Dear New York Times: What were you thinking?!? http://bit.ly/19j0xY
96. Yeah…I went there.
97. @AuthorTech Who decides who is relevant and who is not? That makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
98. @marni71 Yeah, so my daughter sings: We are honky, honky for you. Which in the case of our church, was highly appropriate.
99. @marni71 Do you know the song “Fuel”? We are yearning, we are burning, were hungry, hungry for you?
100. Red Clay Diaries/Why you be hatin’ on me?/It’s still early yet.
101. @redclaydiaries Look, I’m working on it. It’s hard to type and count on your fingers at the same time.
102. A very special song dedication for @pwilson boys. Crank it up! (Jump, Jump by Kris Kross)
103. @pwilson Don’t mention it…
104. Dear @pwilson boys: JUMP, JUMP, JUMP on the bed! Daddy loves that!
105. Responses will not/be in haiku form because/I am not that bright
106. Goodnight dear twitter/It’s time to hit the pillow/more haiku tweets soon/
107. @PeterPollock You were not the first commenter. Sucks for you…11:22 PM Jun 15th from TweetDeck in reply to PeterPollock
108. @jescalan Um, yeah. I’ve got my money on annoying. But thanks.
109. I think I’m going to try to tweet everything in haiku form. That should be incredibly annoying.
110. Can everyone just tweet for the pure sake of being random and annoying? It’s a liberating experience – Promise!
111. I’ve always wanted to say that on the twitter…
112. @ofmercy Night, Jon boy!
113. Should I be offended that my guest blogger gets more traffic on my blog than I do?
114. @ofmercy Aw, shucks! No I’m not! Okay…I totally am!
115. @ofmercy Well if I’m not least, then why did you mention me last? Hmh!
116. @bryanallain I am judging you. Are you kidding me?
117. @buzzbyannies I always speak from experience, unless I’m making it up.
118. @rachaelmphillip Your daughter still stubbornly refuses to get a twitter account, btw.
119. @rachaelmphillip Oooo! Beth’s mom read my blog! Thanks!
120. @buzzbyannies You can be a twitter ho from anywhere
121. @marklamberti Ah yes. Nothing would make me happier than seeing 2 past their prime fake tanned wrestlers displaying their man boobs.
122. @marklamberti No, no, no! You need to ask me questions about stuff I give a rat’s patooty about!
123. @billycoffey Awww! You’re cyberstalking me from the beach? How sweet!
124. @PeterPollock @CandySteele Thanks for the RTs. Hope that dude appreciates his nasty pimp working while he’s at the beach!
125. @jerdavcpa If I want to eat bad pizza and be annoyed by children, I can do that from the comfort of my own home
126. @lynnmosher Yeah, I’m waiting for him to figure out his writing is too good for my blog (shh…don’t tell him).
127. @lynnmosher No. God is merciful. There’s only one of me.
128. @lynnmosher @thewritermama What you need is a non writer friend who is a shameless self promoter. (Sorry, I’m taken)
129. @oliveshoot I lost my dignity a long, long time ago.
130. Playing go-fish w/my 7-yo daughter. She just told me “You’re about to say Crap.” I really need to edit myself more
131. @ryanmer I don’t know who’s worse. You for writing stuff like that, or me for reading it. Oh, most likely you…
132. @nickcarnes Yeah, those tokens are minted in the fiery furnaces of hell.
133. @nickcarnes I despise Chuck E. Cheese!
134. @mylestones Please disregard the tweet about me nasty feet
135. @mylestones @CandySteele I don’t want to say my feet are bad, but the last time I had a pedicure, they canceled the rest of their app.
136. @buzzbyannies @CandySteele Dear Fully Staffed Private Island and Private Jet Service to said private island: My friends & I need a vacation
137. @MichaelHyatt Having a pedicure might put your man card in question.
138. @blogomomma You live such a dangerous life! Al this talk of newspapers and coupons makes my life seem boring.
139. ATTENTION: I need someone to send me a free Kindle. If I like it, I will feature you on my blog, read by tens of people every day.
140. @authorjjhebert Well, then. Good for @rachellegarnder and good for the earth. Man, I gotta get me a kindle!
141. @authorjjhebert way to suck up to the literary agent! (kidding!) (sort of)

Really…Again. So sorry. I’m not even going to tell you how many I had for the week. You don’t want to know, and I don’t want to tell you…

Excerpt from Duma Key by Stephen King:

How to Draw a Picture (Part 2)

Remember that the truth is in the details. No matter how you see the world or what style it imposes on your work as an artist, the truth is in the details. Of course, the devil’s in there, too – everyone says so – but maybe truth and the devil are words for the same thing. It could be, you know.

In the larger scheme – the big picture – Jesus is the truth. He is the Truth, the Light and the Way. No one comes to the Father except through Him. He is the God of all things. He created the universe and He created the smallest grain of sand on the most remote island in the South Pacific. He is not encumbered by what encumbers us: time, worry, doubt, pride, sin.

The more we allow God into our lives, the lighter our burdens become. But that doesn’t stop us from choosing to carry them ourselves. We fight God. We push Him away. “I’ve got this God. I’m good.”

When this attitude begins to slowly seep into the details of our lives, the devil prepares to set up long term residence. He loves being in the details. Once he’s got his foot in the door, it’s difficult to uninvite him. He is patient, especially when we are not.

When our prayers seem to hit the ceiling and fall back into our laps, the devil waits for us to invite him in by way of doubting God’s providence.

But here’s the thing – he has already been defeated. The only way he can get a foothold is if we give him an opportunity to do so.

To the Pharisees Jesus said:

“If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”

Do not believe the father of lies. Remember to whom you belong. You are a child of God.

Ah, Sharkbait! He joined the Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants because of a challenge from me, and I’m so glad that he did. He is a deep thinker for such a small fish, and he’s a lawyer that would be perfectly happy to be at the bottom of the ocean.


Here’s a bit of his bio:
What am I? How does one answer that question? I write, but am I a writer? I study, but am I a student? I teach, but am I a teacher? I am a lay minister, public speaking trainer, cell group leader, and much more. And in my spare time I am a lawyer to fund all my other activities. But above all, I want to be Faithful In Serving HIM. So all I reveal about myself is that I want to be a FISH.

I love the water. I mean really love it. From a young age I was always in the water and swimming around. I suppose it made choosing a fish as an avatar a bit inevitable. Which is rather ironic, because I am really not a very good swimmer. Not that I’m in imminent danger of going under for the third time in my bath tub you understand, but I have a deal with the sea. I don’t swim out into it alone, and it doesn’t try to drown me.

But I digress.

I really love water, and especially the sea. I love going to the beach, and growing up I had lots of toys for building sandcastles and such like. But my favourite was the simple plastic bucket; because once you had made your sand castle you had to collect the water from the sea to fill the moat. You did have a moat on your sandcastle didn’t you? Of course you did. So I used to collect buckets of water from the sea, and play with them.

You can tell a lot about the sea from just that one bucket. You can see that the water is wet, and tastes salty. You know what it smells like, and if you put your hand in, you know it burns any open cuts. If you took the water home and looked under a microscope, you would be able to see some of the organisms that live in the sea, and even analyse the water for chemical content.

You can tell a lot about the sea from that single bucket of water.

But it won’t tell you how unbelievable HUGE the sea is, or how deep. The mind-numbing depths or the amazing and scary animals that exist there. The strength of a single wave, or the distance a single current can carry a leaf.

In short, the bucket can show you what the sea is like, but it will be only a glimpse of the full potential. But boy does it make you want to go out there and swim in that ocean.

For us, God is like that infinite ocean. Wild, and unknowable. Yet we have Jesus, sort of like a bucket of God. A tiny glimpse of who God is, and what he is capable of, but never the whole story, just as much as we can comprehend. We see God in what we know of Jesus, but we also realise from him, just how little we actually know.

But Jesus was also just a plastic bucket, filled with God. He was fully God, but he was also fully human. What made him unique was not the plastic bucket, but the water it contained. In our effort to understand what it meant for him to be fully God, we need to learn how we can be fully human. How we can take on the nature of Christ, who was able to be the perfect plastic bucket, not because his plastic was better than ours, but because of how he was filled with the perfect water. We need to be Jesus in the world, showing people God within us. We need to be the perfect plastic bucket that Jesus was teaching us to be, not so that we can be filled, but by being filled.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go visit the sea again, and look for a re-fill. See you on the distant shore.

For more from Sharkbait, visit him at Shark Bait’s Reef

If you missed the first riveting installment of my answers to reader questions, you can find it here.

Now, let’s do this thing…

Helen asked…
First of all, I know the answer to the last two. 🙂 Your favorite other blog is fottsp, and your favorite commenters ignore your feelings about emoticons and leave them anyway 😉 because you secretly enjoy being annoyed. Not pissed. Just annoyed.

I am constantly amazed how well Helen knows and understands me. If I were a terrorist, forget water boarding. If you want to get the truth out of me, just ask my friend Helen!

Next she asked,
My question for you is if you were ADD as a child, and what that was like. As a teacher, I have worked with students who have ADD, and I have struggled with expectation. I wanted to be compassionate to their needs without expecting less of them. How did you cope? Did any of your teachers work with you in such a way as to improve your confidence then (and how did they do that)? Do you have any advice to give teachers with students who have ADD in their class?

I suppose I was ADD as a child, but I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my early 20’s. Things are so different now. I actually was a model student until junior high school. What I heard constantly from all of my teachers was, “You’re so smart. If you would only apply yourself, there’s no limit to what you could do.” Which I translated into, “You are so lazy. Why can’t you get your head out of the clouds and concentrate?” Advice for teachers? Try to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, and understand that as frustrating as it is to work with an ADD child, it pales in comparison to the frustration that child is feeling about themselves. Encourage, encourage, encourage.

Beth asked…
If you could have dinner with any three people…alive, dead, characters, real people…ANYone, who would it be?My husband got asked this on an actual interview. His reply was, “Jesus, Michael Stipe, and Homer Simpson.” I thought it was an excellent answer, but he didn’t get the job…??

Excellent question! As much as I look forward to meeting Jesus, I know I will someday. So I can wait for that. I would love to have dinner with Peter (the disciple – sorry Peter P., I’d love to have dinner with you someday, too. And if I’m ever out in California, I promise to take you and your wife to a lovely dinner.), Erma Bombeck and Stephen King.

Beth also asked:
Oooo…I have a real one, too. When did you get diagnosed with A.D.D. As a kid? As an adult? What was that like?

As I mentioned before, I was in my early 20’s when I was diagnosed. I’ll never forget it. I was watching ABC’s 20/20, and John Stossel was doing a story about Adult ADD. I sat there watching and began to weep. I knew that was what I had been struggling with my entire life. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. All the guilt, doubt and self-loathing I had carried felt a whole lot lighter. I still had to be officially diagnosed, and back then it was a fairly involved process, but just knowing what I was dealing with was a huge breakthrough.

bman asked…
Why did you first start blogging?

As I answered Billy’s question, it was another way to express myself, but I was really just flying by the seat of my pants.

Nick the Geek asked…
Did you inhale? Yes.

How do you define “is?” I’m glad my kids were too young to ask what all the hub bub was about back then. That’s all I have to say about that.

Oh wait these are questions for a certain past president …

What do you do when it is so hot you can’t move and so humid the air is more like the swimming pool?

I miss living in a place that has four seasons and thank God for air conditioning (and that I’m not in Oklahoma).

jasonS asked…
When you think of childhood, what’s the first memory that pops in your head?
I’m going to defer to my ADD here and say that several memories pop into my head:

My mom always making time for not only her own kids, but everyone else’s, too. This is our house in Charlotte, NC and I’m the adorale one with the long hair.

Four seasons – sigh… (pigtails, end of the bench)

And hanging out with my whole fam damily: mom, dad, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters and cousins. We vacationed together, visited each other’s houses all the time. They were best friends who had to like me because they were family.

(I’m the one closest to the door.)

Also, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Never danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, but I’ve had some ex-boyfriends that fit the description nicely.

Ha, another Jack Nicholson movie reference (I knew you were all about those). :I (my emoticon quit emoting)

That’s not really a question, Jason.

Jewda asked…
Can I leave several questions? Yes? Thanks.

1. Do you ever have to defend your A.D.D.-ness to your parents, or do they agree? (My mom swears I can’t be ADD just b/c I got good grades).

Honestly? My family thinks they have me all figured out. Nothing I could say to them could convince them otherwise. Maybe it’s like this in many families, but when I get around my mom, dad, brother and sisters, I’m just the goofy kid sister. I’m okay with that, really. ADD? Meh…

2. What was the chicken doing when you spotted it?

Being drenched in bbq sauce and grilled to perfection.

3. What do you do for a living, besides twittering and blogging.

I paint – furniture, rooms, pictures. I’ll paint anything, really. I’m also planting a church. While that’s not a job, I spend a good amount of time involved with that.

4. What’s cooler: the British or the Australian accent?

Australian. Hands down. One of the places I want to go before I die. (Again, sorry Peter P.)

JJ (Lady Di) asked…
I’m interested in your ADD too. I was diagnosed as an adult after having trouble in college. I didn’t have any trouble in the lower grades because it took weeks to go over the material – in college we were lucky if it took a day and with the fact that I couldn’t study for more than 15 minutes I just couldn’t keep up. It still amazes me that I love school, and I’m glad that I don’t have the H part of it. I wonder if anyone else that knew me (besides my family) sees the ADD in me. (I drive my hubby crazy with my subject changing while talking btw.)

Hopefully you’ve read through some of the earlier questions about living with ADD. And me too. I drive my husband nuts. But he knows well enough to stop me and say, “I can’t pick up where you left off when you started this conversation in your head.” I’m guessing you can relate to that statement.

Marni asked…
Do you cuss alot driving in Houston traffic? When I visit there, I cuss alot. Just wanted to know I’m not alone in my shame…

I cuss a #&*@ing blue streak in Houston traffic, which is why I never drive into town with my kids.

Did you know that coffee or lo-carb Monster’s have the same effect on ADD adults as meds can? That’s why I’m a Monster junkie. And you?

Funny you should mention that. I’ve been off my meds for the past 2 months now. I’ve been taking something on and off for the last 20 years, and I decided my body needed a break. Low carb monster is a frigintastic substitute, and I have one daily.

What movies can you recite verbatim?

Braveheart, Princess Bride, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Stripes, Caddyshack, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Raising Arizona and too many Disney films to mention.

Would you like to join mine and SFL’s club we’ll have in Heaven one day? We’re going to go around pantsing the disciples. (Okay, actually Stacy said they wear togas, so we can’t pants them, so maybe we’ll just roll their mansions). At any rate, are you in?

Oh, I am so in. Although I’m guessing they’re probably making a segregated section for all the SCL commenters up there to keep us away from everyone else.

I would be a Bradford Pear tree. Low maintenance to grow and keep healthy and no one expects anything out of you, so you aren’t hassled. What would you be?

I would be a Dogwood tree. Love those. We had those growing up in Virginia and North Carolina. It’s too stinking hot down here for them, though…

How many “drunk in public” citations have you received?

I have never received a “drunk in public” citation, but I’ve sweet talked my way out of a couple. I also was once ushered into the liquor room at a local nightclub during a police raid by some friendly bouncers who knew I was underage.

Good times….good times.

Okay. That’s it for now. Tune in Saturday when I try to wrap this puppy up! Sheesh!

Billy Coffey submitted this story to me awhile back. While it is longer than a typical blog post, I honestly think it’s one of the best things I’ve read from him – and I’ve read quite a bit – an entire unpublished book, actually. (Jealous much?) Anyway, I decided this was too good to pass up, so I have decided to post the first half of the story today, and the conclusion next Monday.

It was not merely a bench, it was my bench, and someone else was sitting in it. Someone whom I was sure did not appreciate my bench as much as I did, and surely could not. The bench, my bench, was in the park in nearby Waynesboro. It was in a particularly peaceful spot along the banks of the South River, where the water became tired of flowing fast and shallow and decided it would be better to go along slow and deep.

The grove of pines that surrounded my bench offered little in the way of shade but plenty in the way of privacy. It was not a new bench, nor was it particularly well made. The seat held a perpetual dampness due to the rotting wood, and whenever I sat I had to be mindful of the rusty nails that jutted up from the surface. When the city decided to fix up the park a few years ago, my bench was overlooked. No fresh paint, no new nails, no sturdy seat. I supposed they simply forgot it was there. Which to me meant that the bench really was mine, as I was the only one who would have it.

I went to the park that morning a few weeks ago with no serious business to tend to other than to enjoy a respite from the demands of everyday life. I timed my arrival just after the morning joggers had left and just before the lunchtime picnickers arrived. I never liked going to my bench with people around. They might see me and wonder where I was going, and they might get nosy enough to follow. As planned, the parking lot was empty by ten o’clock. Satisfied that no one was about, I grabbed my hat and a loaf of bread for the ducks and started out.

As I neared the grove of pines that hid my bench, however, I thought that perhaps I wasn’t alone at all. Amid the idyllic sounds of crunches and quacks and chirps I heard someone humming from the far side of the trees. I stopped for a moment to listen, then crept forward and peeked through the limbs.That was when I saw that someone was sitting on the bench. My bench.A little girl, blonde haired and skinny. Her feet swung back and forth beneath the rotting wood of the seat in an awkward cadence as she continued to hum an indecipherable tune, pausing only to take a breath to blow bubbles with her gum. I eased away, wondering where her parents were. No one else was around.

I decided that patience would be the best way to handle the situation. I would bypass my bench temporarily, stroll down to the picnic pavilion, and wait for her to leave. No child can sit in one place for more than ten minutes unless it’s in front of a television. So I slung my loaf of bread over my shoulder, took two steps, and landed on a large and noisy twig.

She wheeled around in mid-bubble, her long hair following close behind. Her legs froze in a scissor, and she greeted me with a strange combination of shock and amazement.

Then she smiled. A big, toothy, Christmas morning smile. I smiled back. She raised the fingers of the hand the gripped the back of my bench and waved. I waved.

And then she screamed.“I knew you’d come!” she yelled, her voice cracking with excitement. “I knew it I KNEW it!”

“Pardon me?” I asked.

She turned fully around and raised up on the back of my bench. Her smile grew wider. My eyebrows furrowed more.

“I knew you’d come,” she whispered.

“How did you know I would come?” I asked.

“Because,” she announced, as if that one word would make everything clear.

“Because why?” I persisted.

“Because that’s how it works,” she answered, raising the palms of her hands in a how-do-I-know gesture.

“Because that’s how what works?” I asked, thinking that this was beginning to sound a lot like an Abbot and Costello routine.

“Prayin’,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

She took a deep breath and exhaled like a frustrated parent trying to explain the plainly obvious to a child. “Last night I prayed that God would send an angel to me at the park, so I came here to wait.” She paused, then leaned farther over the back of my bench. “You are an angel, right?”

My first reaction was to laugh, and I almost did. But then I saw the expression on her face had turned from joy to disappointment. Something was obviously wrong with this child, and laughing at something she said wouldn’t be very appropriate. Or helpful.

“Does your daddy know you’re here?” I asked.

“No.”

“Don’t you think he’s worried about you?”

“I told him I was going to a friend’s house,” she answered, slowly chewing her bubblegum. Watermelon, by the smell of it.

“How long have you been sitting here?” I asked.

“All morning,” she said.

“How long were you going to wait?”

“Until you came.” Then, “You are an angel…right?”

I looked around again and still found no one in the park, not even a police officer I could pawn her off on. I gazed into her innocent eyes. They gazed back.

“Of course I’m an angel,” I said.

“I knew it!” she sighed. “I’m sorry I kinda doubted.”

“That’s okay,” I said, moving to my bench and sitting beside her, “I get it all the time. My name’s Billy.”

“I’m Jordan,” she smiled. “Guess you already knew that, huh?”

“Sure,” I answered, though I was beginning to feel as though I had just taken the first steps upon what was surely one of the straightest roads to hell.

“Want some gum?” she asked, holding out a half-chewed package.

“Sure. Thanks.”

“What’s that for?” she pointed.

I looked down to the loaf of bread on my lap. “God wanted me to feed the ducks while I was here,” I said, suddenly very uncomfortable at how well and how easily I could lie.

“Where’d you get it?” she asked.

“I brought it with me.”

“From heaven?”

“Yes.”“You mean,” she said, eyes bulging, “Jesus made that bread?”

I looked down at the bread again. Fittingly, the big red letters spelled out WONDER.

“Absolutely,” I answered.

Jordan began to swing her feet back and forth again, studying me. “Are you sure you’re an angel?”

“You don’t think I am?” I asked.

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I don’t know.”

We sat in awkward silence for a few moments and watched a family of ducks that waddled nearby. Finally, she asked, “Do you know why I prayed for God to send you down here?”

“Well,” I said, not sure what to say next, “God didn’t get real detailed. He just told me I needed to come see you.”

Jordan gave a satisfied nod, blew another bubble, then asked, “Are angels smart?”

“Sure they are,” I said. Then, catching myself, I added, “We, I mean. Sure we are.”

“So if I asked you some questions, you would know stuff?”

“Shoot,” I said.

Jordan looked down, as if embarrassed by what she was going to say. “Well, I guess I just want to know what heaven’s like.”

The question took me by surprise. Heaven? All I could think of was the streets-of-gold, mansion-in-the-sky description. That may not appeal to a person of her age. But what else could I say? That heaven is where God lives? True, but not very descriptive. That heaven is paradise? That sounded a little better, but what is paradise to a kid?

“It’s sorta like every day is Saturday,” I said.

Jordan offered a small giggle and nodded. “Good,” she answered.

(to be continued next Monday)

Visit Billy at What I Learned Today.

Sinners and saints; Pharisees and prodigals. Everyone struggles sometimes. God is in control. That gives me comfort and strength. Hope it does for you, too.

You are never really alone.

My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Tryin’ to find my way, tryin’ to find the faith that’s gone

This time, I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that’s ever winding
Through every twist and turn I’m always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end
Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without

I don’t know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won’t You show me where I need to go
Oh oh
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it’s the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation

I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

Um, wow. I never figured I would get this many questions. Let alone so many real ones! If I answer them all in one post, it would be twice as long as my longest Twitter Update, and I don’t want to make you suffer through that sort of agony and eyestrain.

Here’s what I’m going to do. I’ll answer a few today and a few on Tuesday. Sunday will be a Sunday post, and Monday, of course is Billy Coffey’s day here. And speaking of Mr. Coffey, he submitted a story to me that is longer than a typical post, but I really want to post it here because I think it’s one of the best things I’ve read from him – that’s saying a lot. So I’m going to post it in two parts. Part One this coming Monday and Part Two on the following Monday.

Okay, on to the questions:

Peter P asked…
First comment! Yeah baby!

Which technically isn’t a question at all, but whatever… Yeah baby, indeed. You’re prompt, Peter. No one can take that away from you.

Peter P also asked…
I’d like to know whether you prefer burgers of hotdogs.

Spellbinding question, Peter. I prefer hamburgers. Cooked over a grill with Tony Charchery’s and garlic salt. Medium rare.

Shark Bait asked…
Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?

Chickens are stupid animals. Did you know they have been known to drown by looking skyward during a rain shower? Who knows why they do anything. I also like them grilled.

BeckeyZ asked…
If you could be any tv character, who would it be?

Good question, Beckey. I really love the mom from “Malcolm in the Middle”. She was nuts, but she didn’t take any crap. She had a crazy family, but they loved each other. I can identify with the relationship between Ray and Deborah on “Everybody Loves Raymond”, but I think I’m way more like Ray than Deborah.

Candace Jean July 16 said…
How do you decide which Katdish shows up on any given day? And why a chicken and not a bunny?

Honestly, Candy? Not only do I not know who is going to show up on any given day, I often don’t know from one moment to the next. I’m fairly laid back most of the time, but some things get my heart racing. Most of my serious posts are things I feel passionate about, whether I’m for or against them. As for my light hearted posts, laughter is the best medicine for me. And while I’m all for a good cry from time to time, I would much rather laugh.

As to the chicken versus the bunny question – I stole that title from a t-shirt. It was available, so I took it. I love rabbits. One of my favorite books is Watership Down.

Billy Coffey asked…
I, for one, would like to know if all of this blogging and Tweeting and general madness is leading somewhere. What do you want out of life, Katdish?

Ugh! That’s a really tough question. Can I pass? No – I suppose not. You answered some pretty tough questions, so I guess I will, too.

I started blogging as another outlet for my stand-up comedian tendencies. (A textbook ADD characteristic, BTW). Even though I both fear and loath clowns, I’ve always been what you might call the Class Clown. But my favorite part of blogging is the sense of community and the amazing friendships I have made along the way. Some of the husbands of my chatty gal pal blogger friends refer to some of us as “imaginary friends”. But the friendships I have here are real. We support each other and pray for one another. I look forward to meeting many of you face to face in the not too distant future. I’ve already met Steph, Jon and Pete. All of whom I consider good friends.

I’m going to answer the “What do you want out of life?” question as it pertains to blogging. This blog is all over the place. For several months, I asked God what I was supposed to be doing with this. Yes, I write some serious stuff, but it’s mostly silly. I had the idea of doing guest posts on some of my friends’ blogs on a rotating basis, but this involved scheduling. Scheduling is just a little too close to math in my book, and I suck at math. That’s how the Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants blog came about. Which is a whole other ball of wax (and I digress).

It’s funny that you should be the one to ask this question, because after I started reading your blog, I knew in part what I was supposed to be doing here. If I had a mission statement, it would include something about spotlighting talented writers and communicators that have something worthwhile to say, and hopefully get them some more exposure in the blogging community and beyond. So, actually Mr. Coffey, you were an answer to a prayer.

Annie K asked…
I think I know the answer to the ‘search’ reference… Have you actually found the person all these people are searching for? (Because it’s not me I’m telling ya.) (!) or is it (.)(.)(Tell me I did NOT just do that…you are a bad influence Katdish. And now I must go read Ephesians 5 which ironically IS my devotion for today. Sigh.)

Okay, so some of my friends don’t actually ask questions. They just like to blame me for their brief respites from upstanding behavior. I’ll take credit for that any day of the week. And yes, “Annie K boobs” is the second most entered keyword search to find this blog.

Well, stick a fork in me. I’m done for today. I will answer more of your questions on Tuesday, beginning with one of my favorite people in the world, Helen from Random Musings.

I promise not to make the intro too long here, because your eyeballs will probably pop out of your head before you read all these tweets. But just a few of things:

First, a very heartfelt goodbye to @oneluckypuppy who finally made it to the bridge this week. He was a good dog and fine companion to my friend Candy (@candysteele) and her family.

Second, a very big THANK YOU to my twitter and bloggy friend Leslie (@oliveshoot) for my new fantabulous twitter button. She is an amazingly creative lady. You should visit here site – very kewl.

Third, guess how tweets are listed below. Give up? 100. Guess how many I had total. Give up? Um, yes that would be three hundred and forty-seven. That is lawsome! (lame + awesome = lawsome.)

Without further adieu, the best of me on twitter:

• @givingupperfect Turn off twitter completely? Shut your mouth!
• @jerdavcpa Oh Man! How suck would that be?
• Would someone please tell Vince Antonucci to get a twitter account? He’d be all up in this.
• @tremendousnews And of course, you could never say anything bad about me. Seeing as though you pink fuzzy heart me and all.
• @PuriChristos FARMER BLOW, BABY! FARMER BLOW!
• @tremendousnews When are you going to roast me? Oh, wait – I need to be famous, & I suppose you would need something bad to say about me.
• @bryanallain What about when you tuck your shirt into your underwear? That’s pretty classy.
• @billycoffey “finally saw the light”? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Oh, wait. I get it. Good analogy.
• Irony: You make fun of internet millionaires only to have them follow you
• @ofmercy I dunno, Mercury is pretty small right? I’ve slept through worse. Course, that’s when I drank alot…
• So, what exactly is a “internet millionaire”? Are you only rich online? Sort of like Yoville on Facebook?
• @buzzbyannies You’re such a hick.
• Oooo! Look at @billycoffey being a redneck twitter ho! He’s a quick study!
• @billycoffey Shut up, Billy. I know you missed my sage wisdom and wonderfullness.
• Which reminds me of a funny misheard song lyric by Elton John: “Hold me closer Tony Danza”
• @Helenatrandom Thanks for shamelessly promoting my blog in my absence.
• @PuriChristos No, dang it! Hardly any redneck drunks at all! I guess Wednesday’s not a big day for that. That boat is sa-weet, though.
• @CandySteele Oh, man! The bag phone? Didn’t they use that in ancient Greece?
• @PeterPollock, @tremendousnews Ahhh….the brick phone. I remember it well!
• @PeterPollock Hey, guess what I bought at the Walmarts? Hot dogs.
• @marni71 Oh, yes. And let’s not forget the fantastic jean shorts cut offs cut with a deer knife! Fabulous!
• Cool game: If you have a blogger account, click on “next blog” and leave a completely random comment on your neighbor’s blog
• Go ahead, ask me anything. I might even tell you the truth
• @godhasablog Oh, and I gave you credit twice, cuz I’m reverent like that…
• @godhasablog @godhasablog @Helenatrandom I always give credit to Helen. She one of my favorite people in the world!
• @shrinkingcamel Who said anything about CEO’s being human?
• LET THE HEAVENS AND EARTH DECLARE! @godhasablog has announced the winner: AWESOME CAT!
• godhasablog Would you please tell @becks_beer to put his face back on his avatar? He won’t listen to me!
• @redclaydiaries Yes. I am shameless. What’s your point?
• Hey everyone! Send @godhasablog and vote for Awesome Cat. If you don’t, you’re dead to me!
• This just in: @CHRIS_Daughtry still not following me on twitter. @godhasablog – can you help a sister out?
• @godhasablog Aw, come on! Can’t you spot me one eternal damnation?
  @BigBags You are so going to hell.
• @redclaydiaries I don’t want to go against the will of @godhasablog, but Steph – It’s AWESOME CAT!
• @godhasablog Oh, wait! I change my vote to Awesome Cat, like @helenatrandom!
• @redclaydiaries Oh shut up! @godhasablog said superb creation, not “what the hell was I thinking?”
• @godhasablog the platypus.
• @davidgs Well, good to know. I was worried that you were in an unfortunate hunting accident with Dick Cheny.
• @chrissulli You report to me? That’s just disturbing on so many levels.
• Thanks for all the new follows today, even though I have no idea why any of you people follow me…
• @davidgs Hey!! Where ya been?
• @authorjjhebert I’m a nasty pimp. @billycoffey is my star writing ho, but I’m trying to get a few others in the stable.
• @redclaydiaries Okay, I’ve been away. Did someone poop in the pool?
• @mabeswife Oh, who said anything about a decent post? I just have to write a little. I have guest bloggers do the heavy lifiting.
• @chrissulli Oh, okay…And I’m the one who’s supposed to lay off of @loswhit ?
• @OneLuckyPuppy Love you! Run and play!
• @muchl8r I’m bloody excellent. Thanks for asking.
• @buzzbyannies Don’t be showing your skinny butt crack at me! ( )
• @buzzbyannies I don’t know what that’s like, but I know what it’s like to pretend to be independently wealthy. It’s da bomb!
• @loswhit Not that I’ve ever done this myself, but I’ve heard Gold Schlagger works wonders on the pipes. (AHEM!)
• @Becks_Beer If the bottle is winning, there are some sad, sad people out there! Come on face! (that’s what she said)
• @glennhilton I actually carry a foam middle finger. Much more celebratory.
• @itsajohnson Thanks. Now I can sleep tonight. Oh, who am I kidding? I couldn’t care less. But thanks.
• Dang it! @CHRIS_Daughtry still not following me! He must not know who I am…
• Did the Lakers win? Is basketball over with? I have no clue.
• @Bunnieblog Facebook is annoying, no?
• @xjkradicoolx I’m considering getting twitter on my blackberry, but then I would never speak to anyone in the real world.
• I freaking love Twitter!
• @LevelTen_Colin Of course, moonshine is also a good choice, but you gotta know people.
• @LevelTen_Colin I think a good box wine goes well with BBQ.
• @redclaydiaries Look, Steph, I don’t need to hearing about your sexual exploits on the twitter. That’s why I blocked Nasty Brittney!
• @redclaydiaries GETCHERFREAKON!
• @redclaydiaries would he like me to send him a “best of the ho” update?
• @redclaydiaries Yeah. Quite an honor, huh? And yet your husband still refuses to follow me on Twitter!
• @PeterPollock Dude, you’ve been reading my blog way too much!
• You know what? I’m gonna copy @billycoffey and have an open question post. Of course, I reserve the right to lie.
• @CandySteele Shut up. It could happen. I voted for him and boycotted the show after he was voted off.
• Annndddd….still waiting.
• Anxiously awaiting follow by @CHRIS_Daughtry…….
• @CHRIS_Daughtry I notice you are only following 24 people. You should follow me, make it an even 25.
• @PuriChristos Clearly. Also? I use the word “that” alot.
• With twitter being down for maint the other night, I thought I wouldn’t have any material for Friday. Cleary, I was wrong.
• It’s a good thing you people can’t see my DM’s. You might be shocked and appauled. What’s that? You already are?
• @redclaydiaries What about a headcheese sandwich. (oops, just threw up in my mouth)
• @redclaydiaries Yes. A ham sandwich. Also? More cookie dough.
• @redclaydiaries Do you know what’s good with cookie dough?
• @redclaydiaries Thanks for sharing your conversation with Charlie and 3,000 of your closest friends
• @PeterPollock Congrats on being my first commenter. Apparently that’s kind of a big deal. Why? No clue.
• I am tragically lazy, but I do love Jesus:
• I am only slightly offended that “Annie K boobs” was a close second to “Katdish” in my keyword searches.
• @ALauderdale Hint – In your radio interview, do not say “LOL”.
• @jamieworley Whew! I gotta check Google Analytics more often! That was funny!
• Okay, one more. I got some blog fodder right here: butt crack basketball game! AWESOME!
• Wait…there’s more: look there goes a chicken, how much do plates forks and spoons cost at walmart?, Annie K boobs
• Keyword searches that lead people to my blog: boob smileys, furry guitars, rock the grannie panties, that is one bad buffet.
• @chrissulli Dude! You’re at Yankee Stadium? @billycoffey would be so jealous! Don’t forget my autograph!
• @glennhilton I’ll follow just about anyone. I have incredibly low standards.
• @weightwhat All you need is a lighter and some Aquanet
• @muchl8r Keep digging that hole, Jake!
• Oh for the love of Gumby! Is a uterus required in order to put leftovers into tupperware instead of directly in the fridge?
• @weightwhat No. Facebook is dead to me. I’m doing bloggy bidness.
• @CandySteele “Look, if you don’t give me a quarter for this, I’m giving it to charity. Now get out of my face!”
• @CandySteele Here’s what I hate about garage sales – You mark something 25 cents, they want to give you a dime. (cont.)
• @weightwhat You are TWITTER HO FIRE this morning!
• I’m shameless, I know.
• Hey, read my blog!:
• @weightwhat Yes. A duct taped crown adorned with sarcasm. Me likey.
• @bryanallain Also, do you know what’s good with cheezits? A ham sandwich.
• @weightwhat we have that magical twitter ho telepathy going on.
• @pwilson I hear they’re having a special on roof monkeys. Might want to look into that
• @mabeswife Shut up about the housework and the pancake making! I just told my son to eat a cookie for breakfast!
• @xjkradicoolx I know, sometimes it sucks being me. Oh, who am I kidding? It rocks being me!