Twitterrific!

I promise not to make the intro too long here, because your eyeballs will probably pop out of your head before you read all these tweets. But just a few of things:

First, a very heartfelt goodbye to @oneluckypuppy who finally made it to the bridge this week. He was a good dog and fine companion to my friend Candy (@candysteele) and her family.

Second, a very big THANK YOU to my twitter and bloggy friend Leslie (@oliveshoot) for my new fantabulous twitter button. She is an amazingly creative lady. You should visit here site – very kewl.

Third, guess how tweets are listed below. Give up? 100. Guess how many I had total. Give up? Um, yes that would be three hundred and forty-seven. That is lawsome! (lame + awesome = lawsome.)

Without further adieu, the best of me on twitter:

• @givingupperfect Turn off twitter completely? Shut your mouth!
• @jerdavcpa Oh Man! How suck would that be?
• Would someone please tell Vince Antonucci to get a twitter account? He’d be all up in this.
• @tremendousnews And of course, you could never say anything bad about me. Seeing as though you pink fuzzy heart me and all.
• @PuriChristos FARMER BLOW, BABY! FARMER BLOW!
• @tremendousnews When are you going to roast me? Oh, wait – I need to be famous, & I suppose you would need something bad to say about me.
• @bryanallain What about when you tuck your shirt into your underwear? That’s pretty classy.
• @billycoffey “finally saw the light”? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Oh, wait. I get it. Good analogy.
• Irony: You make fun of internet millionaires only to have them follow you
• @ofmercy I dunno, Mercury is pretty small right? I’ve slept through worse. Course, that’s when I drank alot…
• So, what exactly is a “internet millionaire”? Are you only rich online? Sort of like Yoville on Facebook?
• @buzzbyannies You’re such a hick.
• Oooo! Look at @billycoffey being a redneck twitter ho! He’s a quick study!
• @billycoffey Shut up, Billy. I know you missed my sage wisdom and wonderfullness.
• Which reminds me of a funny misheard song lyric by Elton John: “Hold me closer Tony Danza”
• @Helenatrandom Thanks for shamelessly promoting my blog in my absence.
• @PuriChristos No, dang it! Hardly any redneck drunks at all! I guess Wednesday’s not a big day for that. That boat is sa-weet, though.
• @CandySteele Oh, man! The bag phone? Didn’t they use that in ancient Greece?
• @PeterPollock, @tremendousnews Ahhh….the brick phone. I remember it well!
• @PeterPollock Hey, guess what I bought at the Walmarts? Hot dogs.
• @marni71 Oh, yes. And let’s not forget the fantastic jean shorts cut offs cut with a deer knife! Fabulous!
• Cool game: If you have a blogger account, click on “next blog” and leave a completely random comment on your neighbor’s blog
• Go ahead, ask me anything. I might even tell you the truth
• @godhasablog Oh, and I gave you credit twice, cuz I’m reverent like that…
• @godhasablog @godhasablog @Helenatrandom I always give credit to Helen. She one of my favorite people in the world!
• @shrinkingcamel Who said anything about CEO’s being human?
• LET THE HEAVENS AND EARTH DECLARE! @godhasablog has announced the winner: AWESOME CAT!
• godhasablog Would you please tell @becks_beer to put his face back on his avatar? He won’t listen to me!
• @redclaydiaries Yes. I am shameless. What’s your point?
• Hey everyone! Send @godhasablog and vote for Awesome Cat. If you don’t, you’re dead to me!
• This just in: @CHRIS_Daughtry still not following me on twitter. @godhasablog – can you help a sister out?
• @godhasablog Aw, come on! Can’t you spot me one eternal damnation?
  @BigBags You are so going to hell.
• @redclaydiaries I don’t want to go against the will of @godhasablog, but Steph – It’s AWESOME CAT!
• @godhasablog Oh, wait! I change my vote to Awesome Cat, like @helenatrandom!
• @redclaydiaries Oh shut up! @godhasablog said superb creation, not “what the hell was I thinking?”
• @godhasablog the platypus.
• @davidgs Well, good to know. I was worried that you were in an unfortunate hunting accident with Dick Cheny.
• @chrissulli You report to me? That’s just disturbing on so many levels.
• Thanks for all the new follows today, even though I have no idea why any of you people follow me…
• @davidgs Hey!! Where ya been?
• @authorjjhebert I’m a nasty pimp. @billycoffey is my star writing ho, but I’m trying to get a few others in the stable.
• @redclaydiaries Okay, I’ve been away. Did someone poop in the pool?
• @mabeswife Oh, who said anything about a decent post? I just have to write a little. I have guest bloggers do the heavy lifiting.
• @chrissulli Oh, okay…And I’m the one who’s supposed to lay off of @loswhit ?
• @OneLuckyPuppy Love you! Run and play!
• @muchl8r I’m bloody excellent. Thanks for asking.
• @buzzbyannies Don’t be showing your skinny butt crack at me! ( )
• @buzzbyannies I don’t know what that’s like, but I know what it’s like to pretend to be independently wealthy. It’s da bomb!
• @loswhit Not that I’ve ever done this myself, but I’ve heard Gold Schlagger works wonders on the pipes. (AHEM!)
• @Becks_Beer If the bottle is winning, there are some sad, sad people out there! Come on face! (that’s what she said)
• @glennhilton I actually carry a foam middle finger. Much more celebratory.
• @itsajohnson Thanks. Now I can sleep tonight. Oh, who am I kidding? I couldn’t care less. But thanks.
• Dang it! @CHRIS_Daughtry still not following me! He must not know who I am…
• Did the Lakers win? Is basketball over with? I have no clue.
• @Bunnieblog Facebook is annoying, no?
• @xjkradicoolx I’m considering getting twitter on my blackberry, but then I would never speak to anyone in the real world.
• I freaking love Twitter!
• @LevelTen_Colin Of course, moonshine is also a good choice, but you gotta know people.
• @LevelTen_Colin I think a good box wine goes well with BBQ.
• @redclaydiaries Look, Steph, I don’t need to hearing about your sexual exploits on the twitter. That’s why I blocked Nasty Brittney!
• @redclaydiaries GETCHERFREAKON!
• @redclaydiaries would he like me to send him a “best of the ho” update?
• @redclaydiaries Yeah. Quite an honor, huh? And yet your husband still refuses to follow me on Twitter!
• @PeterPollock Dude, you’ve been reading my blog way too much!
• You know what? I’m gonna copy @billycoffey and have an open question post. Of course, I reserve the right to lie.
• @CandySteele Shut up. It could happen. I voted for him and boycotted the show after he was voted off.
• Annndddd….still waiting.
• Anxiously awaiting follow by @CHRIS_Daughtry…….
• @CHRIS_Daughtry I notice you are only following 24 people. You should follow me, make it an even 25.
• @PuriChristos Clearly. Also? I use the word “that” alot.
• With twitter being down for maint the other night, I thought I wouldn’t have any material for Friday. Cleary, I was wrong.
• It’s a good thing you people can’t see my DM’s. You might be shocked and appauled. What’s that? You already are?
• @redclaydiaries What about a headcheese sandwich. (oops, just threw up in my mouth)
• @redclaydiaries Yes. A ham sandwich. Also? More cookie dough.
• @redclaydiaries Do you know what’s good with cookie dough?
• @redclaydiaries Thanks for sharing your conversation with Charlie and 3,000 of your closest friends
• @PeterPollock Congrats on being my first commenter. Apparently that’s kind of a big deal. Why? No clue.
• I am tragically lazy, but I do love Jesus:
• I am only slightly offended that “Annie K boobs” was a close second to “Katdish” in my keyword searches.
• @ALauderdale Hint – In your radio interview, do not say “LOL”.
• @jamieworley Whew! I gotta check Google Analytics more often! That was funny!
• Okay, one more. I got some blog fodder right here: butt crack basketball game! AWESOME!
• Wait…there’s more: look there goes a chicken, how much do plates forks and spoons cost at walmart?, Annie K boobs
• Keyword searches that lead people to my blog: boob smileys, furry guitars, rock the grannie panties, that is one bad buffet.
• @chrissulli Dude! You’re at Yankee Stadium? @billycoffey would be so jealous! Don’t forget my autograph!
• @glennhilton I’ll follow just about anyone. I have incredibly low standards.
• @weightwhat All you need is a lighter and some Aquanet
• @muchl8r Keep digging that hole, Jake!
• Oh for the love of Gumby! Is a uterus required in order to put leftovers into tupperware instead of directly in the fridge?
• @weightwhat No. Facebook is dead to me. I’m doing bloggy bidness.
• @CandySteele “Look, if you don’t give me a quarter for this, I’m giving it to charity. Now get out of my face!”
• @CandySteele Here’s what I hate about garage sales – You mark something 25 cents, they want to give you a dime. (cont.)
• @weightwhat You are TWITTER HO FIRE this morning!
• I’m shameless, I know.
• Hey, read my blog!:
• @weightwhat Yes. A duct taped crown adorned with sarcasm. Me likey.
• @bryanallain Also, do you know what’s good with cheezits? A ham sandwich.
• @weightwhat we have that magical twitter ho telepathy going on.
• @pwilson I hear they’re having a special on roof monkeys. Might want to look into that
• @mabeswife Shut up about the housework and the pancake making! I just told my son to eat a cookie for breakfast!
• @xjkradicoolx I know, sometimes it sucks being me. Oh, who am I kidding? It rocks being me!