I’ll be Ho for Christmas…if only on the twitter

Fair warning: This is a VERY LONG twitter post. But since it’s Christmas, I wanted to give you an extra helping of my holiday tweets (snort!). Also, two low carb monsters per day are most definitely my limit.

And now, for the very last time in 2009 (golf clap), the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

Unfortunate price sticker placement. http://twitpic.com/v7j6ga>

For Christmas, I asked for peace on earth, good will towards men and a Kindle. And I gotta say, 1 out of 3 ain’t bad. Merry Christmas y’all!

@shrinkingcamel Wonder if there will be a toe laser hair removal gift certificate under the tree.

@shrinkingcamel She should give you forty bucks for Christmas. (in reply to shrinkingcamel I just gave my daughters 40 bucks to buy me something for Christmas. I’m sitting here in the food court at the local mall. ~sigh~)

@llbarkat I had an Aunt Hattie. I suppose she would be @hatdish. But she didn’t even drive a car, let alone operate a computer. (in reply to llbarkat @katdish @hatdish, cousin, right?)

@Doallas Who is @hatdish? (in reply to Doallas @billycoffey @hatdish @llbarkat et al Reading your tweets from last to first is a weird experience. Talk about out of body.)

But only because I don’t have a penguin cage as @llbarkat suggested.

Okay! @VariantVal has saved the day! CD case it is!

@llbarkat And I mean that in a good way.

@llbarkat You are so weird… (in reply to llbarkat RE: what to wrap a gift card in. @katdish a really big penguin cage. that’ll throw ’em for sure. 🙂

@VariantVal Ooo! CD case is very good…

@CandySteele I’m fresh out of ginormous boxes.

So…what does one wrap a gift card in?

@PeterPollock INCONCEIVABLE! (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I remember a time when he won an argument with you!)

@billycoffey Now we need to stop before we make @bridgetchumbley and @sarahmsalter cry again. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish GAAA!!!)

@billycoffey Have you ever won an argument with me, Billy? Answer – No.

@billycoffey Yeah. You’re full of something all right. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’d better be glad I’m full of Christmas spirit.)

@billycoffey Pffft… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I didn’t Google her! And now I’m not telling.)

@billycoffey So who is she? I’ll wait while you google it…

@VariantVal TWSS (in reply to VariantVal @katdish I’d never google!!)

@billycoffey Oh, please… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Me? Google a baseball fact? You’re fired.)

@VariantVal @billycoffey And who the heck is Effa Manley?

@billycoffey @VariantVal Did y’all google that?

Who was the first woman elected into the national baseball hall of fame? (Hint: not Madonna)

@RachelleGardner You’re right, and I’m shiny and red. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish Oh, I thought Christmas was the time when our true colors emerge. 🙂

@BridgetChumbley And happy birthday too. (in reply to BridgetChumbley RT @katdish: @billycoffey Wait…you’re ARE right! Of course you’re right. // Wow… Merry Christmas to Billy!)

@RachelleGardner I know the Rockies tanked, but Christmas is no time for bitterness, Rachelle. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish @billycoffey Totally can’t get enough baseball talk on Christmas Eve. *eye roll* It’s FOOTBALL season, people. 🙂

@billycoffey Wait…you’re ARE right! Of course you’re right. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ricky Henderson was the one who led the AL in stolen bases, right?)

Daughter is now helping me wrap gifts using copious amounts of tape. I think she’s channeling @billycoffey

@billycoffey So far no Ricky Henderson answers, but I’ll keep that one in mind. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ricky Henderson.)

Okay, now she’s accusing me of cheating.

Sammy Sosa! Score!

Colorado Rockies! Yay! I finally got one right!

All wrong.

So far my answers have been Pete Rose, Nolan Ryan, Derek Jeter, and Stinky Pete.

My daughter is asking me baseball trivia questions and I’m just making stuff up.

Who was the AL base stealing champ for 9 years in the 1980s?

@CandySteele Mmmm….Chex mix! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I got back up nuthin without power. Ugh. Oh look…Chex Mix!)

@CandySteele Do you have a back up tofurky? (in reply to CandySteele Just lost power. Not good. #turkeyfail)

Who says I only pick on Buddy Love? http://twitpic.com/uzi13

The angry little reindeer http://twitpic.com/uzhqs

@PeterPollock Thanks, Peter. You’ve truly been a blessing this year.

@llbarkat Twank you. (Ugh! Did I just type that?) (in reply to llbarkat @katdish Merry Christmas, Tweetie. 🙂

Merry Christmas Twitter!

RT @weightwhat: @katdish I think Buddy Love’s plot to kill you has only been foiled due to his lack of opposable thumbs.

@Doallas The trick is mastering the choke hold. (in reply to Doallas @katdish Of course, Westies being terriers, their unwillingess to wear a Santa suit should come as no surprise.)

@BridgetChumbley She’s much cuter than Buddy and I bet she doesn’t poo in the dining room either. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish Here is what Buddy inspired… http://bit.ly/8A0Wlt)

@buzzbyannies He was COLD Annie. I’m just looking out for him. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Poor, poor, humiliated Buddy…)

And frankly, he’s not amused. http://twitpic.com/uvzo9

You’d better watch out, he’s coming to town!

@ronsteele7 Your wife already scooped you on that Ron Burgandy. (in reply to ronsteele7 http://twitpic.com/uvlgb – Ice on brick. Still accumulating.) (To which @ronsteele7 replies quite brilliantly – @katdish One scoop a year. But I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. )

@llbarkat Well, there probably is, but now you’ve got me feeling all pressured and whatnot… (in reply to llbarkat @katdish you know, whatever you can conjure 🙂 I bet there’s a poignant bone in that sweet little body somewhere)

@redclaydiaries I’m gonna call your cell phone if you don’t tweet what movie you’re in!

@redclaydiaries Quick before they tell you to put your phone away, what movie? (in reply to redclaydiaries In theater waiting 4 movie to start. Ad sound is up so loud that my ears R bleeding. Makes for a less pleasant cinematic experience.)

@llbarkat I’m assuming “fun” for me and “poignant” for @billycoffey? (in reply to llbarkat @katdish thanks for the RT. I hope you and @billycoffey try out the project. From fun to poignant, we’ll be treated to it all! 🙂

@CandySteele I’d take a little ice right now. We still have mosquitos

It’s Dec 23, I’m walking around outside wearing flip flops, jeans and a sleeveless shirt. Oh, and it’s muggy outside.

@shrinkingcamel Exactly how much toe hair are we talking about here? (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish Apparently lasar-treatment can do wonders on unsightly toe-hair.)

RT @shrinkingcamel: The ladies here are having a big discussion about toe-hair. //thanks for sharing, Brad.

And really, what better way to celebrate the birth of our Savior than sitting at the nickel slots all day?

I still need to get my mom a little something for Christmas. Giving her cash, because she’s going to Vegas w/my sisters Dec 26.

@dukeslee oh please! Of Course I tresspassed! (in reply to dukeslee @katdish Creeped out, yes. Did you trespass on someone’s property to get that photo? Or is that on your front step?)

Okay, is it just me or this creep anyone else out? http://twitpic.com/utiqk

Target report: surprisingly not bad. I went there to purchase gift cards for 2 families on behalf of my church. I think God worked that out.

Okay, people – I’m going to Target. Two days before Christmas. If I’m not back in 3 hours, call the authorities.

To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year ~ E.B. White

RT @prodigaljohn: “60 pound beaver attacks boy.” Quite possibly my favorite CNN headline of 2009. I think that beaver is doing P90X.

@billycoffey I’m smart like that. I know that’s like kryptonite to you. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Dang. You just had to appeal to my Christmas spirit, didn’t you?)

@billycoffey Merry Christmas! (sheepish grin) (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Uh-huh. What-ev.)

@billycoffey Like I said. I blame the monster. (in reply to billycoffey @sarahmsalter @katdish I’m reading your tweets from last night. You two have some ‘splaining to do.)

@billycoffey Good morning. Please disregard any tweets from last night. I blame the low carb monster.

P.S. – Don’t be surprised if I’m back on here in an hour.

Okay people. My giant head is filling up the tweetdeck and I really should TRY to get some sleep. Goodnight!

@emavalos Now why would I want to send an angry email to myself? I dig me.

Well, if my theory about NOT tweeting to get new followers holds true, I pretty much blew that in the past 10 minutes.

I’m really glad @billycoffey is off tomorrow & spending the day w/his family. He probably won’t even have time to send me a nasty email.

@sarahmsalter No offense to @billycoffey, but who DOESN’T wrap better than @billycoffey?

@BridgetChumbley You should have 1 or 4 low carb monsters. I think I could rewrite War and Peace right now. (in reply to BridgetChumbley Brain is completely empty when it comes to what I’m trying to ‘recall’ for my blog post.)

Yes, I know I RTed myself, but no one else did it for me. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

RT @katdish: If @billycoffey wrote like he wraps presents, y’all would all be saying “who’s billy coffey?” http://bit.ly/4J6wGt #justsaying

@sarahmsalter You and me both! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish I like snarky Katdish. :o)

Also? 4 low carb monsters apparently makes me a bit snarky…

@mapdentists Thank for that helpful diet & exercise advice. I often ask my dentist about these things.

If @billycoffey wrote like he wraps presents, y’all would all be saying “who’s billy coffey?” http://bit.ly/4J6wGt #justsaying

It’s the little things in life, you know?

YAY! My tweetdeck is now fully functional.

What is happening?

Okay, @CandySteele tweets “I have a housefull of meat this week” & @weightwhat doesn’t throw down a TWSS?

Note to self: Limit yourself to 2 low carb monsters per day. 4 is definitely too many.

@BridgetChumbley I heart #randomhashtags (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I almost fell off the couch on that one… I’ve introduced a lot more roughage into my diet… #regularityisamust)

Surely there’s no correlation there, right?

Not that I’m complaining, but I’ve had a bunch of new followers today & I’ve hardly tweeted. Hmmm…

Well crap. That didn’t work.

@katdish – hey you know what? If I talk to myself it shows up in my mentions column AND I get to talk to myself! Win-win.

@BridgetChumbley DMs or B…Oh wait. That’s tacky… (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I guarantee it! My DM’s haven’t been right in a long time!)

@BridgetChumbley Or not…

@BridgetChumbley I can’t see my mentions or my DM column! I’m quite sure some important folks are trying to talk to me!

No offense, apple crap fans!

@MattTCoNP I’m not aware of anything apple-themed that isn’t crap. (in reply to MattTCoNP @katdish Apple themed stuff sounds great, just as long as it is crap.)

@DougSpur Ooo! Good one. How about – my very best plasticware. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish oxymoron – my bald friend named harry)

@rachelheldevans HA! Well, there you go… (in reply to rachelheldevans @katdish “perfect man”)

RT @kylaaak: Oxymoron time! My favorite is “jumbo shrimp”. Whats yours? #fb >>prosperity gospel

@MattTCoNP I could send you some coffee mugs and assorted apple themed crap. (in reply to MattTCoNP …But the rest of the kids really let me down! Where’s my presents?!)

@sarahmsalter It’s both! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Maybe I’ll just write him a check and let him go to Walmart and buy his own gift. Is that lazy or smart?)

@sarahmsalter although I must say, some of @billycoffey’s best stories take place at Walmart.

@sarahmsalter Gaaa! Not the Walmarts!

@CandySteele TWSS.

@CandySteele I don’t need to go to Booty Camp. I’ve got plenty of booty.( in reply to CandySteele @katdish @sarahmsalter I’m sending you guys to Boot(y) Camp. For shame.)

Stupid, stupid prayer cross commercial…

@sarahmsalter I swear, I took one bite and had to go to the dentist.
@CandySteele My friend Pat once made bread pudding out of day old Krispy Kreme donuts.

@CandySteele It’s the perfect bad food combination. Throw in a pack of Marlboro Reds and you have the perfect tri-fecta.

@redclaydiaries There’s no telling. But you’re welcome. That’s what I’m here for.( in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish What would I do without your “encouragement?”)

@mylestones @redclaydiaries likes it when I encourage her. It’s one of my spiritual gifts, you know.

@redclaydiaries Dude, who DOESN’T make you look bad when it comes to posting?

Went to the mall, looked at the parking lot & went to Kroger. Did you know you can get Best buy gift cards there? Yeppers.

RT @weightwhat: RT @thedayhascome I couldn’t find a gift that conveys my general dislike for you, so I got you this fruitcake instead.

@weightwhat Thanks Wendy. That was craptastic!

@helenatrandom Adeste fideles,Laeti triumphantes; Venite, venite in Bethlehem; Natum videte, Regem Angelorum

@mandythompson Gotta love the government! No really, they’re trying to pass a law saying as much.

@ronsteele7 And yet you’re still not following me… (in reply to ronsteele7 @katdish Yes she did—but I am for real now–and you’ll know it’s me—because–I use too many dashes—(she says)

RT @marni71: RT @PuriChristos: Hey everyone, take a minute and pray for @Helenatrandom’s mom, she is in the hospital//Yes let’s do…

@ronsteele7 Even if your wife did tweet that for you…

@ronsteele7 NOW who feels special? (Answer? I do!) (in reply to ronsteele7 @katdish I heard that. I’m going to start paying closer attention to my favorite dish)

Watching Blades of Glory because I have very refined taste in movies.

@CandySteele Oh goody! Yet another opportunity to be ignored by Ron Burgandy! (in reply to CandySteele @redclaydiaries @BridgetChumbley BIG step tonight – RB wants me to set up a FB page. Good idea or social media suicide??)

@sarahmsalter you’re the very best Sarah Salter I know. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish You have a lot of lovely qualities that I wouldn’t mind being like. BUT I also like to be an individual on occasion. 🙂

My favorite Christmas card this year. Thanks Boz! and @buzzbyannies http://twitpic.com/u9ocm

@dukeslee He’s actually quite the fashionista in his own way. But don’t tell him I said that. (in reply to dukeslee @katdish He’s unusually quiet on matters of fashion, isn’t he? In time, in time … Keep working on him.)

HeatherSunseri We’re going for a fancy redneck look for @billycoffey (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish @billycoffey I like sequins. What are we putting sequins on?)

@billycoffey How do you feel about sequins? (in reply to billycoffey @dukeslee @katdish Oh I can’t wait to see what you two came up with…)

RT @dukeslee: @katdish Have him use a Bedazzler on his Carhartts. // Brilliant!

@dukeslee I know. I’m really trying to push the “Fancy Redneck” image. (in reply to dukeslee @katdish As part of his PR team, u r doing a fine job in helping him brush up on his image. More Target; less Walmart. When will he listen?)

@dukeslee I told him he should have gone to Target.

@billycoffey Sort of a Misery meets Larry the Cable Guy sort of story? (in reply to billycoffey @RachelleGardner I could, but that rewrite would be a horror story and I’m not sure if you’d represent it.)

@billycoffey Well done grasshopper.

Sniff…so proud…RT @billycoffey: Headed to Walmart with a huge snowstorm looming. Hey, that sounds familiar ~ http://bit.ly/23g1Kw

@billycoffey I read somewhere that God hates the Yankees. Where was that? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish If God liked me better, the Yankees would win EVERY year.)

@CandySteele Sweet Fancy Moses! You ordered a 4 legged turkey?

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