A Back to School PSA

In case you missed the announcement on Steph at the Red Clay Diaries blog, it’s that time of year again:

Many of us choose to send our little darlings off on the first day of school bearing gifts for their new teachers. It’s simply a small token of our appreciation for helping mold their minds and their futures. Unfortunately, we sometimes get it wrong. I’ve heard of a few gifts that, while I’m sure were given with the best of intentions, somehow missed the mark. As a public service, I would like to share a brief list of some things you might NOT want to give your child’s favorite teacher.

I once asked a teacher friend of mine, “If there was one teacher gift you could go your entire life without ever receiving again, what would it be?” Without missing a beat, her reply was, “Coffee mugs.”

But if you do choose to ignore my advice and buy one anyway, make sure you get one with her name on it so she can’t sell it in a garage sale.

Many kids like to draw pictures for their favorite teachers. Since my daughter has access to a plethora of artist supplies, she’s actually given a few painted canvases to teachers. But a hand drawn portrait is every bit as special because it comes from the heart. However, you may want to look over your child’s shoulder while he creates his masterpiece. Otherwise, you may get a picture of you in a bikini sitting on a counter in a bar like my friend Sherri did. The child was six years old at the time. I can neither confirm nor deny that a few years later, the same child gave his teacher this welcome back to school gift:

(Okay, not really–But seriously, I can’t think of any scenario where this would be an appropriate teacher gift.)

And speaking of  inappropriate, unless you overhear a teacher say, “I love teaching. I love my pet pug. I wish I had a ceramic representation of my two greatest passions”, you should probably leave this lovely item on the store shelf:

Did you have a good summer? Maybe you had a chance to get away to some beachside resort. But please don’t give a gift that reminds your child’s teacher that there are at least nine long months ahead before he or she can get out from under the mound of ungraded papers and enjoy the sunshine again:

(Besides, starfish don’t wear sunglasses or drink Dr Pepper and I oppose this gift based on my anti-crap principles alone.)

Mary Carver (aka @GivingUpOnPerfect) mentioned on twitter yesterday that her mother forced her to give her 4th grade teacher a pair of argyle socks. Years later, she is still mortified. Since I hate socks, I can’t really think of a worse teacher gift than argyle socks. Well, except maybe these:

I could write an entire blog post about the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book series. Has anyone actually ever purchased one of those books for themselves? Oh, I’m sure there’s a few out there who bought one to see what the big deal was, but come one! Those books are bought almost exclusively as gifts. They are the holiday fruitcakes of the literary world. Please don’t buy this book for your child’s teacher. There are already 27 copies of it in the teacher’s lounge:

I have NO IDEA what this next item is, but unless your child’s teacher’s name is Miss Love and she happens to be a zombie, I would pass on this as well:

And then maybe consider an alternative education plan for your child…

What do I give my kid’s teachers? Gift cards, baby! I hear they like Target.

Okay teachers, your turn. What other bad gifts have I left off the list?