The return of Steph @redclaydiaries

For those of you keeping score at home, I’ve been posting these twitter updates for almost 2 years. Of the 70 updates I’ve posted, my friend Steph has been missing from roughly one of them. Which, of course, she complained about. So this week I’m happy to report that Steph is back in the update. In other news, according to Yahoo Answers, a Jedi lite saber can, in fact, cut through Superman.

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Okay, gotta go refill my wastebasket with coffee @kelybreez

@jpwire Oh, I’m warped for a whole host of reasons. Pin cushions filled w/human hair is just one of them. (in reply to jpwire @katdish kinda creepy. no wonder you are warped. :))

@jpwire She says it keeps the needles sharp. Worst part? That pin cushion is 40 yrs old. That’s some old hair (in reply to jpwire @katdish That’s awesome. especially if it was hair from her victims. LOL)

@jpwire I should write a horror story post about the pin cushion my mom has stuffed with HUMAN HAIR. (in reply to jpwire @katdish I can’t either. but I found I’m lethal with a needle and pin cushion.)

@jpwire Except that I can’t sew… (in reply to jpwire @katdish I think you would be great addition to the sewing circle. :))

Snort! >RT @kelybreez: Today, I’m gonna #FF @katdish, because hardly anybody knows her.

@kelybreez Dude. That’s my coffee! (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Oh, my goodness, when I woke up this morning I was wondering, Whose gonna post a picture of a wastebasket today? Now I know.) Morning all!

@br8kthru It’s my deep, abiding dysfunctional respect for your goofiness (in reply to br8kthru @katdish now it makes sense why you ignore me for long stretches. :))

@kelybreez Are you vying for 2 entries into the katdishionary? (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Really? I was just about to say you were awesomischievouliscious.)

My FB friend Hazel Moon just called me “awesomely mischievous”. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s told me all day.

@br8kthru You know, Jason. You’re like the pesky little brother I never had (in reply to br8kthru @katdish if I’m a ‘boy’ then how do I ‘man up’ -you speak in riddles and mysteries…)

@br8kthru Man up, sweater vest boy. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish *rolling eyes* I should have known better than to try to get sympathy from you.)

@br8kthru Wait…Lemme pull out my tiny violin… (in reply to br8kthru @katdish if you had to deal with all I do, you’d cope by being a goofball too :))

@br8kthru You’re such a goofball…

@tonyjalicea There’s no “I” in Team, but there is a “me”. ( in reply to tonyjalicea For the record, there is no “l” in both. Thank you. Your welcome.)

50 Yahoo answer fails (via @weirdnews) “Can a Jedi lite saber cut thru Superman?”

@Learell Oh, I despise the Cowboys. (in reply to Learell @katdish like the cowboys?)

@kelybreez He’s dead to me. He disrespected Texas.

My 13 YO son keeps changing my radio from rock to 40s big band music. What alternate universe am I living in?

@kelybreez Rantpiling? That may be one for the katdishionary (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Yes. But not rantpiling. It stops you up.)

@kelybreez I’ll have you know that my blood pressure is very low. Ranting is good for the soul if done correctly. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish It’s a commonly known fact that rantpiling causes high blood pressure. And in rare cases is communicable.)

@kelybreez I think I’m going to have to start stockpiling ranting posts, because I could rant about lots of stuff lately.

“Art is the symbol of the two most noblest human efforts: to construct & to refrain from destruction.” ~ Evelyn Waugh

@PeterPollock I’m sure this kind of thing happens all the time. Especially in the Houston area…

@PeterPollock & I just happened to be next to the Christmas table when I reached this decision…

@PeterPollock Yes, that’s what they told me. But if I was walking around w/a stack of books & changed my mind about buying them… (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish Where books go in a store is set corporately, months in advance. Most stores don’t get to pick what goes where.)

Note to self: Next time don’t ask. Just do.

I asked them to move it to the Christmas book table, they said they couldn’t.

Went to Barnes & Noble today. #SnowDayBook was on the 3rd row in the “new fiction” section.

@weightwhat I do, don’t I? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish You take all the best field trips.)

“That’s weird. Never seen an urinal in the Ladies Room before. Wait! I’m in the MENS room!” – Me

@kelybreez Well, you’re the lawyer. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish kat. You’re ridiculous. This clearly means you can put your car here IF your child is the one parking the car. Get a grip.)

This is why I don’t signs like this. They give people an excuse to find a loophole instead of just doing the right thing. Technically, I am a customer w/children, even though they’re in school. So I could park here.

@KathleenOverby sorry/you’re welcome (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish Yes, of course it would you brutal truth teller. This is why I asked. I KNEW your answer and needed it to stop my folly. groan.)

@KathleenOverby Why? Won’t that distract from what you’re creating on the table? (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish no sun, moon, stars, or paisley designs before I seal it? :))

@KathleenOverby Sand it, paint it again, then put a sealer on it. (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish wish you were here to help me paint the ping pong table, which is really my craft table. I put red on for the base. Now what?) Change of plans. Think I’m gonna drive around & remember my misspent youth for awhile.

Singing obnoxiously loud (in harmony, no less.)

Dang! Anyone remember this one?

Well, except my mom. But she’s just stubborn that way.

My home phone number has become the equivalent to the spam filter on my website. People I need to talk to call my cell phone.

Thinking about writing another “Why I hate writing post” for all you masochistic writers out there.

@SBeeCreations SPACE: Sort, Purge, Access, Containerize, and then something that starts with “E”

@SBeeCreations It says to organize like a kindergarten classroom. Have zones for everything…

@SBeeCreations I’m not much at organizing, but there’s a great book I read that makes sense. Gonna try & find it on Amazon.

@redclaydiaries Snort! ( in reply to redclaydiaries: @katdish Oooh ooh! I’ve got one! For about a year, Charlie asked me to handle bill paying…
C: Steph, why was the electric bill $200 last month?
Me: I don’t know.
C: Was it 2 mos worth?
Me: I don’t know
C: How do u not know? U wrote the check YESTERDAY.
Me: (bats eyelashes)

@redclaydiaries R: How much did you pay for those green beans?
Me: Um, what would be a good price for green beans?
R: 50 cents a can.
Me: Um, yeah. I think that’s what I paid for them.
R: You have no idea do you?
Me: (bats eyelashes)

@redclaydiaries Ooo! Like mine, too. Because she would take the time to clip coupons & stuff (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Good point. Yes, a wife with a personality like my husband’s.)

@redclaydiaries Let’s just lay our cards out on the table shall we? Someone who will cook, clean, shop & babysit. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Can they also do laundry? Then I’m all up in that.)

@SBeeCreations No dollar range. What’s something you do that you would pay someone to do?

(That’s one extravagance, right? b/c the cook & shopper would be the same person. He or she would also plan meals & clean the kitchen)

Me? A full time cook and grocery shopper.

If you were to allow yourself one big extravagance, what would it be? This is a DVD made for children? GAAA!

Subbed in the toddler class at church today & faced my fear of puppets head on.

@karenzach That’s really nice of you. Kids over 12 in my neighborhood received candy & judgmental stares (in reply to karenzach @katdish We gave out $75 worth of candy and 40 books. We get 400-500 every year. Those over 12 get books)

The great thing about this dog bed is that no matter how often you wash it, it’s still disgusting.

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