Katdish.net

Write one little blog post about ugly Christmas sweaters, and tweets and twitpics of ugly Christmas sweaters begin to cover the tweetdeck like cougar moms at a Twilight movie premiere. As many sweater tweets as there are in the following update, that’s not even all of them. In other news, the magic of Festivus is in the air!

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

My daughter just asked Santa to give whatever he was going to bring her to a poor family. Sniff, sniff #proudmama

@tonyjalicea And he sits on a throne of lies! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That’s not Santa! He smells like beef & cheese!)

One politically correct “winter” party down, one Girl Scout Christmas party to go!

Blogger still loading…..

I want to get @helenatrandom a wordpress website for Christmas

@weightwhat No. If it was a taxidermied dog head, then yes. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish That looks like it belongs in the house where your daughter goes for Girl Scouts.)

Headed to Hobby Lobby. Because I’m a glutton for punishment.

@beckfromfrogandtoad Your kids have a flair for the dramatic. Wonder where that comes from? (in reply to beckfromfrogandtoad The Baby has a cold & is handling it in her usual understated fashion. “My nose hurts,” she just said. “Take me to the hospital.”)

He also thought the song was about Malcolm X. Which, upon reflection is disturbing on many levels.

@PeterPollock HA! Cyber fist bump. (in reply to PeterPollock RT @kelybreez: @katdish don’t call me a redneck. Just ’cause 5 sets of 1st cousins in my family married each other… // you can count to 5?)

@kelybreez I’m katdish. That trumps lawyer. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Rest your case? I’m the lawyer! You can’t do that!)

@kelybreez I rest my case

RT @kelybreez: @katdish Hey, yall don’t call me a redneck. Just ’cause 5 sets of 1st cousins in my extended family married each other…

@kelybreez Oh, like people need me to tell them you’re a redneck. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Hey, you didn’t have to retweet that comment. I don’t want people to know I’m a redneck!)

RT @kelybreez: @katdish Very perceptive of you. That’s the music my babies go to sleep with, holding a turkey neck in their little fists.

@kelybreez @dlrayburn So weird…I’m reading your tweets, and in the background I swear I hear banjo music.

@dlrayburn Maybe she’s a sweater… (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish 2 questions came to mind. What happened to safe search and does that really qualify as a sweater?)

@dlrayburn Um…yeah. (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish You’ve seen it too I take it.)

@dlrayburn Did one of the pics involve a reindeer? (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish We were sharing other results from my googling “ugly christmas sweater”)

@dlrayburn LIAR!!! (in reply to dlrayburn RT @katdish: @kelybreez As if I own any ugly Christmas sweaters // I saw her wearing one the other day.)

@kelybreez As if I own any ugly Christmas sweaters (in reply to kelybreez @weightwhat Or we can leave @katdish to molder in her pile of ugly sweaters.)

@Helenatrandom @AmBlessedBeyond and the dang thing was 80 bucks. That won’t even cover the therapy I’m gonna need after seeing it. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish unBELIEVEably!)

Okay, disregard previous tweet. I don’t care what your bio says, if your twitter name is @goatjerky, that’s an automatic refollow.

@muchl8r Well, there’s that. And I don’t see you wearing that sweater. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish He’s probably got a whole foot on me, but @dnbroberts just agreed with you…….. :))

@CandySteele Oh, you’d be surprised. He moves pretty fast! Snort! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish That thing would knock BuddyLoves little legs right out from under him. Or give him a concussion.)

Yeah. Me neither…

RT @noveldoctor Every time I write, I fall in love with characters who don’t know I exist. Fiction is all about the unrequiteable)

@shrinkingcamel True. And I did so while eating a Blazin Buffalo Ranch Dorito. I’m a multi-tasker. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish you’re no slouch, my dear. Look how fast you responded to that tweet!)

@shrinkingcamel I’m here! (in reply to shrinkingcamel Attention Overachievers: You Have Permission to Let Go: http://t.co/Mbce9fZ (where have all the slouches gone?)

RT @tremendousnews Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson split up just when I made the best couple name for them: Scaryan Johreynoldsson.

As a sign of solidarity for my friends in cold climates, I’m wearing a sweatshirt w/my jeans & flip flops today.

RT @billycoffey: @katdish George, Festivus is your heritage – it’s part of who you are. #Festivus

“I got a lot of problems w/you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it. You, Krugar. My son tells me your company stinks!” #Festivus

“At the Festivus dinner, U gather your family around U & tell them all the ways they have disappointed U over the past year.” #Festivus

“A Festivus for the rest of us!” #Festivus

“As I rained blows upon him, I knew there had to be another way…out of that a new holiday was born.” #Festivus

“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I went to reach for the last one they had, but so did another man…” #Festivus

RT @LizFentonDecker: RT @billycoffey @katdish Happy Festivus! – ‘Go get the pole from the crawl space George’

@billycoffey Then, on to the feats of strength.

@billycoffey You too. I’m composing a personal email to you listing all the ways you’ve disappointed me this year.(in reply to billycoffey @katdish Happy Festivus!)

@billycoffey And Merry Christmas!

@billycoffey Oh, shut up. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Good morning, Grinch.)

Bah humbug…

Just returned from Journey to Bethlehem. Walking tour w/costumes and live animals.

@Helenatrandom I’ve missed you!

@Helenatrandom HELEN!!!!!!!

Twitter pal Karin Kysilka (aka @kysilka)asked me if I would be interested in participating in a blog challenge hosted by Juliette Terzieff centered around the theme of “My version of the 12 days of Christmas”. Of course I said yes, because I am agreeable and nice like that. Besides, that was DAYS ago and I had OODLES of time to come up with something, right? Right. When I finally got around to thinking about my version of the 12 days of Christmas, it just stressed me out because I realized that I DON’T EVEN HAVE 12 DAYS LEFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. But I digress…

I thought about taking the route of what all that crap might cost nowadays, but that’s been done to death. In case you’re interested, according to the LA Times,

“Buying the 364 items repeated in all the song’s verses — from 12 drummers drumming to a partridge in a pear tree — would cost $96,824, an increase of 10.8% over last year, according to the annual Christmas price index compiled by PNC Wealth Management.

So you might want to try for just one of everything. That would cost $23,439, or 9.2% more than last year.”

I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have that kind of cash lying around. But even in these tough economic times, everyone knows how much you spend on a person is in direct relation to how much you love them. With this in mind, I set out to investigate how much an economy version of all these items might cost. My first stop was The Overpriced Crap that Nobody Really Needs boutique. We have several locations in the area. This particular store was jam packed with holiday decor, including one item that so deeply disturbed me that I fear I may have nightmares for the rest of my life. Gentle reader, I give you…

Or maybe it’s a monkey wise man. Does it really matter? Truly disturbing. But again, I digress…

The sales associate was quite helpful. She lead me to one of the fancy Christmas trees in the store with a plethora of overpriced ornaments. The store carried a series of “12 Days of Christmas” ornaments. Unfortunately, all they had left was a partridge in a pear tree for $40.00. But since I’m resourceful and whatnot, I noted the manufacturer of said ornaments, came back home and googled it. Jackpot.

Ladies and gentlemen, with only days before Christmas, I have done all the work for you. Not only have I found the 12 Days of Christmas ornaments for you, I have also linked the Amazon page where you may purchase them for your true love. I know. You’re welcome…

One partridge in a pear tree $35.00

Two turtle doves $35.00

Three French hens $39.99

Four calling birds $39.99

Five golden rings $25.00

Six geese a laying $40.00

Seven swans a swimming $40.00

Eight maids a milking $40.00

Nine drummers drumming $25.00

Ten pipers piping $39.99

Eleven ladies dancing $39.99

Twelve lords a leaping $39.99

For a grand total of $439.95 (plus shipping and handling)

Happy Shopping and Merry Christmas!

Yesterday I linked a series of posts by Ed Cyzewski. Today’s guest post was written by Ed. I didn’t plan it that way, it just sort of worked out. For those of you unfamiliar with him, Ed Cyzewski is a freelance writer in Connecticut of all places. He is the author of Coffeehouse Theology: Reflecting on God in Everyday Life, and he blogs on Christian living and theology at www.inamirrordimly.com and on writing at www.edcyz.com. You can also follow him on Twitter: @edcyzewski.

He’s also written a book about writing and publishing, and he’s been kind enough to share some of his insights on my blog today. Here’s Ed:

How to Write a Book This Year
After the streamers are cleaned up and you’ve discovered that flat champagne doesn’t do much for orange juice in the morning, you’ll have a new year on your hands come January first along with that nagging thought at the back of your mind: Is this the year to write that book?

Perhaps you’ve been toying with it for years. Maybe you have it outlined but haven’t dared to start writing. And then again, it may be your dark secret.

I may be biased because I write for a living, but I think that now is the perfect time to start writing that book. In fact, why not make it your resolution for the new year? Whether you self-publish, target a small press, or take the plunge by submitting your book to an agent, here are some tips on tackling that book project in 2011 and persevering to the end.

Manage Your Expectations
Don’t expect a New York Times bestseller to tap its way onto your keyboard the first time you sit down to write. Writing is a process that requires a series of drafts. Just focus on defining your book’s main idea/story line, creating a simple outline, and then starting with what you can.

You may imagine scowling literary agents or have visions of huge advance checks dancing into your bank account. Neither is typical for the majority of writers. Just make sure you love what you’re writing and remain open to whatever good things come as your book develops.

Set Realistic Goals
Every writing project requires small, manageable goals, and this is especially true for a book. Whether you’re writing a 50,000 word nonfiction book or a 100,000 word novel, plan to write for set periods of time with specific word count goals.

If you have a day job, aim for 500-1,000 words during weekdays, and then set a more ambitious goal for one of the days during the weekend, such as 3,000 to 5,000 words. Without setting too furious a pace, you’ll be able to pound out a complete first draft in a few months or at least by the time December 2011 rolls around.

Create New Routines
The key to sustaining a high creative output is determining when and where you write the best. If you can’t find a quiet corner at your home, seek out a library where you can focus.

In my own case, I need to leave the house early in the morning and stake out a spot in a cafe where I can sit among other creative types. The noise of the crowd serves as a welcome backdrop.

Though there are a few exceptions, most writers work best in the morning or evening, but rarely in the afternoon. Unless you’re one of the exceptions, avoid this creative black hole at all costs.

Seek Accountability
While writing is generally a lonely pursuit where you and you alone are responsible for shaping your story, there is nothing more motivating than a writing group. When you need to share with others, you’ll be far more likely to persevere through dry spells, even if each sentence isn’t coming out perfect.

However, there is another option, especially for nonfiction authors: blogging on a regular basis. Most books pass through a number of revisions, if not major overhauls before they are published. A blog is a great place where you can develop your voice, learn to write for a specific audience, test ideas, and find the accountability you need to write daily.

Edit
The second and third drafts are where you can make your book shine. After finishing your first draft, take a week or two off from working on that particular book. I suggest picking up the latest issue of Writer’s Digest or a book on how to improve your craft such as Writing Fiction by Gary Disher or On Writing Well by William Zinsser.

When you do sit down to revise your book, ask hard questions about your main ideas, storyline, and characters. Make sure your scenes or main ideas build upon each other so that each new chapter fits with the one preceding it.

Improve your word choice, especially your verbs, and analyze the ways you both begin and end chapters. This is the time to make sure your book doesn’t have any holes that could throw off your readers.

Celebrate Milestones
Whether you’ve completed a first draft, received your first rejection letter from an agent, or inked a book deal, take the time to savor each accomplishment along the way. Writing a book is demanding, but there are few better feelings than typing the last word of a long, long journey.

I could share a lot more about writing a book, and in fact, I did just that. You can read more about publishing in my book: A Path to Publishing: What I Learned by Publishing a Nonfiction Book.

“I haven’t seen a single more helpful resource for writers hoping to enter the publishing fray” – Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent, WordServe Literary Group

Ed Cyzewski wrote a great post around Thanksgiving entitled The Search for a Meaningful Christmas: Moving Beyond Guilt and Sentiment. It’s actually the first installment of three posts. Parts 2 and 3 are What are We Celebrating? and How Should We Celebrate Christmas?, respectively. If you haven’t read them, they’re definitely worth your time. Especially if, like me, you’re not exactly bursting at the seams with Christmas cheer.

Honestly? It’s stressful: Decorating, gift shopping, crowds, school parties, grown up parties, Christmas plays and/or recitals, travel plans, etc. We over eat, over spend, over extend ourselves to the point of near exhaustion, and yet we’re supposed to be merry and bright because it’s Christmas time. I know many of you reading this are shaking your heads and thinking, “That’s not what Christmas is all about. It’s about celebrating the birth of the Savior of the world, and even those who aren’t Christians can still celebrate a time to be with family and friends; to give and receive gifts as tokens of what we mean to one another.”

And all that’s great. You’re right–that IS what it’s all about, but that doesn’t mean many of us aren’t doing all the aforementioned things that add stress to the season. I’m not exactly feeling like the Grinch, I guess I’m just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. I may get there, I may not. But I’m done feeling guilty about it. Ed really nailed it in his post when he said:

“I wonder if we sometimes try to force meaningful experiences or major spiritual epiphanies on ourselves during holidays like Christmas.”

I’ve realized that’s what’s always bothered me about this time of year. I’ll repeat what I wrote on Ed’s blog: I think people get overwhelmed and depressed at Christmas because they feel guilty for not getting swept up in the magic of Christmas. Instead of thinking about all they have, people often focus on what they are lacking–whether in spirit or material possesions.

This year, I’m giving myself the gift of permission. Permission not to feel guilty for not being merry and bright just because I’m supposed to. And by letting myself off the hook for not feeling what I’m supposed to feel, I’m leaving myself open to be caught off guard by unexpected moments of joy, of which I will be truly grateful.

This post is part of the One Word at a Time Blog Carnival: Rejoice hosted by my friend Peter Pollock. To read more (and undoubtedly more uplifting) posts on the topic of Rejoicing, please visit his blog, PeterPollock.com

If you were standing here with me in the bedroom, you would hear what I’m hearing. It’s plain as day, too, despite the fact that between us and the noise there is a door, a fan, and running water. And you would likely grin as I am grinning. I always do when my son sings in the shower.

I can’t recognize the tune—he likes to make up his own songs, which sometimes rhyme but most often don’t. I heard a reference to Santa a minute ago, and something about macaroni not being as good without the cheese. A deep thinker, my son.

He likes to sing in the shower. My daughter and wife, too. Me, I’ve always been more of a truck singer. Give me a good song and an open road, and I can really belt it out. And I’m a pretty good pew singer, too, though I’m conscious not to raise my voice so high that others take notice. In my head I sing like Harry Connick, Jr., but I’ve heard I sound more like Homer Simpson. I try to take that as a compliment, which takes some effort.

Still I sing, and often. And no matter who you are or how gruff you appear to be, the odds are good that you sing upon occasion, too.

But have you ever asked yourself why? On the surface, singing has no practical purpose. We use words because we must communicate, we laugh and cry to show emotion, we use our thoughts to order our world. So why sing rather than talk or laugh or think?

I’ve asked my son that question. His answer came by way of a furrowed brow that said, Don’t be stupid, Daddy.

Still, I wonder. We don’t need to sing in order to lead productive and fulfilling lives, so why do we?

I think this season tells us.

Christmas was made for singing. There is music everywhere. In stores and on street corners and on the radio (as I write this, Brad Paisley is singing “Away in a Manger”). They are songs of joy and peace and hope and goodwill toward men. Songs that when sung take your eyes off what you see and put them on what you cannot.

Like this, for instance:

Maybe that’s why we sing.

Because when we give melody to voice we communicate and emote and order all at once. Because the contents of the heart are so many that sometimes they cannot be dripped out, but poured forth. Because there is joy and longing and love and passion that words alone do not suffice.

We sing to reach our deeper selves and ascend to the highest heavens. It is thanksgiving and praise, a call for healing and inspiration. Thousands of years later, the words of Isaiah still ring true: “Praise the Lord in song, for He has done excellent things; Let this be known throughout the earth.”

That’s what I think. And to me, it doesn’t matter if it’s Handel or “Jingle Bells.” It’s one of those precious things in life that always makes you feel better in the during and the after.

Just ask my son.

I first heard this song on a Christmas CD by Garth Brooks called Beyond the Season. I couldn’t find his version of the song on youtube, but this gal does a fine job as well. There are so many beautiful Christmas songs, but this one just touches my heart. Enjoy…

The Gift

A poor orphan girl named Maria
Was walking to market one day
She stopped for to rest by the roadside
Where a bird with a broken wing lay
A few moments passed till she saw it
For its feathers were covered with sand
But soon clean and wrapped it was travelling
In the warmth of Maria’s small hand

She happily gave her last peso
On a cage made of rushes and twine
She fed it loose corn from the market
And watched it grow stronger with time

Now the Christmas Eve service was coming
And the church shone with tinsel and light
And all of the townfolks brought presents
To lay by the manger that night
There were diamonds and incense
And perfumes
In packages fit for a king
But for one ragged bird in a small cage
Maria had nothing to bring

She waited till just before midnight
So no one would see her go in
And crying she knelt by the manger
For her gift was unworthy of Him

Then a voice spoke to her through the darkness
Maria, what brings you to me?
If the bird in the cage is your offering
Open the door and let me see
Though she trembled, she did as He asked her
And out of the cage the bird flew
Soaring up into the rafters
On a wing that had healed good as new

Just then the midnight bells rang out
And the little bird started to sing
A song that no words could recapture
Whose beauty was fit for a king

Now Maria felt blessed just to listen
To that cascade of notes sweet and long
As her offering was lifted to heaven
By the very first nightingale’s song

***

As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “I tell you the truth,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

Luke 21:1-4

Okay, I realize I usually post my weekly twitter update on Saturdays, but I’m juggling my schedule a bit this month in order to free up some time on the weekends to procrastinate for Christmas shopping for as long as possible. (If you’re new here, the tweets are in backwards order, because I’m lazy like that.)

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@tonyjalicea rudolf http://plixi.com/p/61979322

(in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish What’s the theme?)

@louisvillebobby Dude. That’s Santa’s reindeer! http://plixi.com/p/61976818

(in reply to louisvillebobby @katdish Ok, the Rudolph tree is cool and I even like Yukon Cornelius but what’s with the wall of death? Lol)

My friend Shara has a themed tree every year http://plixi.com/p/61975233

@amysorrells Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

@amysorrells I know @dlrayburn is trying to help, but you should know he’s from Alabama.

@karenzach Shhhhh!!!!! (in reply to karenzach @katdish I thot you were going to confess to killing the Smurffs.)

@karenzach Tee hee! What did you THINK I was gonna write about? (in reply to karenzach @katdish Loved your Xmas sweater piece. Hilarious.)

I absolutely love it when my comments section takes on a life of its own.

@TheMikeEllis That’s what I’m saying (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish @dlrayburn were supposed to lighten their load. Not make it worse.)

RT @PeterPollock @sarahmsalter So @fishythoughts is not a dog? Disappointed. Unfollow.

@BigMama247 Yes. Will the indignities ever end? (in reply to BigMama247 @katdish Is that like giving them muffin stumps? http://youtu.be/0eipl17WpOo)

@themikeellis Just thought you should know that @dlrayburn is advocating giving holiday sweaters to the homeless http://bit.ly/ijZ5a3

@dlrayburn And speaking of crimes against fashion, thanks for changing your avatar.

@dlrayburn Yes, but think of all the crimes against fashion this post might prevent. (in reply to dlrayburn RT @katdish Breaking my silence | Katdish.net http://bit.ly/hEryQj //I was so offended and the economy will suffer from this post.)

@kysilka They are, but if coupled with a holiday vest, all bets are off. (in reply to kysilka @katdish What is your take on the holiday turtleneck or long sleeved shirt? It seems to me they are less offensive.)

So, guess where they escaped to in the kitchen? The microwave. Mwha, ha ha!

The exterminator treated the house for fire ants yesterday. He said I might still see a few trying to escape from the poison…

@DougSpur A fruitcake would be wonderful. We are building a bomb shelter and we could use fruitcakes in place of bricks. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish so – guess I’ll return the sweater I got you for Christmas…how about a FRUITCAKE?)

@dutchhillgirl Oh, shut up… (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish What silence?)

@redclaydiaries Of course not! @buddylovethedog has a Santa suit and antlers. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Hey, does your ban on holiday attire extend to dogs? Cuz it sure is tempting to humiliate Scruff w a Santa sweater.)

@amysorrells Yes. That’s going into the katdishionary! Thanks. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I made up a new word, too. Nothing that compares to your original words, but a new word. Just for you.)

RT @TheMikeEllis There is no graceful way to hand a nurse your urine sample

@tonyjalicea Oh, please. Have you seen my giant head in the sidebar? (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish I have to be honest, I’m a little embarrassed by how big my picture is on your post today.)

@kelybreez Sorry, I was confused http://plixi.com/p/61727060

@kelybreez Oh, you mean this one? http://plixi.com/p/61726930

(in reply to kelybreez @katdish I don’t mean either one of those coffee mugs. I mean the purple/pinkish one. The big one.)

@kelybreez @tonyjalicea I have several http://plixi.com/p/61724466

@tonyjalicea @kelybreez which coffee mug? http://plixi.com/p/61724371

@dlrayburn So, Dusty – what’s up with the new avatar? You look like there should be a parrot sitting on your shoulder.

@TheMikeEllis Do you want me to offend you personally? Because that’s extra. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish I want an offensive guest post from you for my blog!)

@tonyjalicea I have a Seinfeld episode running thru my head for nearly every life situation. (in reply to tonyjalicea I have a song running through my head for nearly every situation in life. #humanjukebox)

@Peacegardenmama Oh, that’s great! Thanks. (in reply to Peacegardenmama @katdish “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1929-1968)

I’m going to write a post tomorrow that needs to be written. It may offend some people, but I’ve got to take a stand.

@buzzbyannies It’s what we can’t control that worries us. In driving and in life. (in reply to buzzbyannies @Katdish I’m used to this stuff. It’s the other guy I worry about.)

As tempted as I am to jump into #tsptry by quoting lines from Dr. Zhivago, I think I’ll behave myself & call it a night.

@dutchhillgirl You’d think most folks would know that by now, huh? (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish Haha!! Don’t they know you’re ALWAYS right? Even I know that. LOL)

Clearly, this person has no idea who they’re dealing with…

“I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I suggest it to discuss. Write me back in the PM. We will discuss.” ~ spam comment

“I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone’.” ~ Demetri Martin

@sandritaaaaa That’s from a store called Overpriced crap nobody needs. At least that’s what it should be called.

Um…yeah. http://plixi.com/p/61565086

New follow, over 20,000 followers, no bio, & no tweets for 3 months. It’s like the spam mothership.

Wait. Spoke too soon. http://plixi.com/p/60934755

Ah, diversity! http://plixi.com/p/60934466

Yikes! http://plixi.com/p/60932668

Have a crabby Christmas! http://plixi.com/p/60932386

Trees in every flavor http://plixi.com/p/60931767

Off to Garden Ridge Pottery to get a Christmas tree 50%-75% off. Which I’m pretty sure is gonna get ugly…

Yesterday, I posted the following tweet:

I’m going to write a post tomorrow that needs to be written. It may offend some people, but I’ve got to take a stand.

About most things, I am willing to speak out, but on this particular subject I felt the damage might be too great; the cost too high. But then I received the following reply from @peacegardenmama:

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1929-1968

Thank you, Roxane. Your tweet gave me the courage to finally end my silence; to speak out against what might be the greatest abomination of the Christmas season.

I’m talking about, of course…

The holiday sweater:

First introduced as a form of seasonal birth control in communist China, they soon made their way across the Pacific to Europe and the New World. But this still does not answer the question of why, in a country where its citizens have the freedom to wear anything they choose, people would voluntarily wear one of these things.

At first, the blight of the holiday sweater was only observed in the weakest of our society–those not in a position to make sound, educated decisions about their wardrobe choices. I speak, of course, of the very young:

and the elderly:

So what of the rest of society? I have a theory:

Having worked in the fashion industry for several years (and by “having worked in the fashion industry” I mean “I worked in the Junior Department of a local department store”), I know that home interior trends tend to follow clothing fashion trends. Don’t believe me? Here’s proof:

From the runways and red carpets of one fashion season:

To the trendy, overpriced furniture stores the following season:

I think it’s important to remember that this is a one way street. Clothing fashions can trend to home fashions, but when you try to flip this trend, the results are often disastrous:

As a Christian, I find it disheartening that Christ followers seem particularly vulnerable to the mysterious allure of the holiday sweater.

Attend any Women’s Ministry Christmas Tea, luncheon or cookie exchange, and I dare you to swing a wiffle bat without hitting an attendee NOT wearing a holiday sweater.

I think this particular phenomenon can be traced back to a misinterpretation of scripture. The Bible speaks of the Holy Spirit dwelling within you and treating your body as a holy temple. Perhaps in later translations it states, “the Holy Spirit shall come to dwell on your person. Maybe you should provide a comfy chair and a big picture window with a cat sitting in it.”

(Of course, this is pure conjecture on my part as I don’t own a copy of the New Living Translation Bible.)

I know I have focused on women’s holiday sweaters in this post, but in conclusion I want to urge men, women and children alike to think long and hard before the Christmas card photo this year. One hundred years from now, is this how you want to be remembered by future generations?

No, I didn’t think so…

Today’s guest post comes from Tony Alicea, who I connected with on the twitter.

Tony is a budding writer that loves technology, grandiloquent words, long walks on the beach and freshly ground Guatemalan coffee. His passion is to tell others about their identity in Christ.

Not only is a he wonderful writer, but based on his writing and my interactions with him, it’s evident that he loves God and loves people. Besides, he’s a fan of Seinfeld and The Office. Clearly he’s a man of refined tastes. I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I have.

Here’s Tony on perspective:
Perspective is an ever-changing reality. It frames our picture, adjusts our lenses and it creates our filters. We use it to define everything from relationships to space and time.

Sometimes a minor shift in perspective, will open up a completely new reality. Adjusting the lens just slightly, opens up an entirely different view. What looked impossible, now seems possible. What looked uninteresting, becomes fascinating. What sounded like noise, becomes melodious.

Blessed is she who clearly sees the wood for the trees.
To obtain a ‘bird’s eye’ is to turn a blizzard into a breeze. ~Brandon Boyd

Perspective does not define truth, but it will shape how you receive truth. Your perspective is limited to your experience. Your experience determines the level of truth you can comprehend.

You can take a concept such as grace, for example. You can believe in grace. You can quote the definition. You can tell others about it. But if you never receive it from another person, your perspective on the scope of grace is limited to an abstract concept.

It takes an experience to shift your perspective. You cheat. You lie. You fall. You fail…miserably. Then the result you’ve encountered up to that point (condemnation, disappointment, abandonment) doesn’t come. You receive words of hope. You receive forgiveness. You receive something you don’t deserve. You experience grace.

You are pulled back and you see a larger part of the picture. The unending trees open up to a clearing. The fierce whirlwind becomes a gentle breeze. Despair turns into hope. All due to a shift in perspective, an experiential alteration of your entire paradigm.

Every time I put God in a box, He shifts my perspective. It doesn’t mean that the truth of who He is changes; it just means that my limited comprehension of truth gets enhanced by a new experience. It is an enchanting mystery of an ever-expanding reality.

I am now wary of explaining God succinctly. I don’t box Him into a theology that defines exactly what He will do and how He will do it. That doesn’t change the fact that His truth is constant. It simply provides room for the mystery and recognition that I haven’t and won’t experience every aspect of my prodigious God.

Perspective is realizing that possessing the truth doesn’t mean you have all the answers, but knowing that you can trust in the One that does.

To read more from Tony Alicea, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @TonyJAlicea.

I found this note to Santa Claus taped to the refrigerator, penned by my 9 year old daughter:

Dear Santa/Saint Nick,

A lot of people I know don’t believe in you, but I do because of your jolly cheer and happiness. I wish I could let everyone have jolly cheer. I know I’ve changed, but my heart will always believe. I don’t need much, but this is my list…

My husband and I struggled with perpetuating the Santa Claus myth after our first child was born. We had many Christian friends who felt that allowing your children to believe in Santa sent the wrong message. Christmas was about the birth of Jesus, and St. Nick took away from that, not the mention the moral dilemma of knowingly lying to your children, and I completely understand and respect those who choose to forego Santa Claus. But then I remembered my childhood–believing in Santa made Christmas a magical time full of hope and promise. I wanted my own kids to experience what I had, even if just for a little while.

Besides, just like Santa Claus, there are things in life we choose to believe in that don’t always turn out to be true.

The childhood friend who promised you’d be friends forever? That may have proved untrue, but that doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t real and true…

That special boy or girl–your first love (or your second, or your fifth)–who promised to love you forever only to break your heart? Also untrue, but that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love…

And just because I no longer believe a jolly fat man will be visiting our house on Christmas Eve, doesn’t mean we won’t be leaving cookies and milk for him, even if this is the last year we’ll be doing so.

I imagine that this time next year the myth will be busted and I will explain that even if her idea of Santa Claus wasn’t real, the spirit of him — of “jolly and cheer and happiness” — can remain alive in her heart as long as she chooses to believe.