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Last night millions tuned in to watch the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, where many well deserving people received awards for a bunch of movies I haven’t seen. Okay, that’s not entirely true–I’ve seen Inception, Toy Story 3 and Alice in Wonderland. And while I haven’t seen The King’s Speech, I loved Colin Firth in Nanny McPhee and Love Actually.

I must confess I didn’t watch the awards.

I figure if I want to see a bunch of overdressed people with copious amounts of plastic surgery and eating disorders, all I have to do in drive into Houston and go to the Galleria.

But that’s not what this post is about.

This post is about winning some REALLY valuable stuff, not just some gold, naked bald guy. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

I wonder how many of you actually read any of that stuff and how many just scrolled down to see who the winners are? I see how you are…

Okay, enough already!

The following winners were chosen by random.org. Each comment, tweet, and Facebook status update associated with this contest was assigned a number. These numbers were selected in descending order based on the time and date of the entry. Make sense? Alrighty then.

The 3rd prize of One year of free blog hosting + a standard license for Standard Theme goes to:

Karin Fendick (aka His Firefly), writer of Flickers of a Faithful Firefly.

The 2nd place prize of One year of free blog hosting, a domain name (.com or .net) and a standard licence for Standard Theme goes to:

Ryan Tate (They call him Tater Salad–okay, not really. I stole that line from Ron White), writer of Doorframes of Taterhouse.

And the Grand Prize winner of One year of free blog hosting, a domain name (.com or .net), a standard licence for Standard Theme plus site design by the lovely and talented Peter Pollock of New Blog Hosting and yours truly is….

The writer of the plainest little ol’ blog you ever did see, but one of my favorite writers in the blogosphere…

Kirsten Nilsen of Nilsen Life

Congratulations to Karin, Ryan and Kirsten and many thanks for the overwhelming response to this giveaway. A very special thanks to John Saddington for his generous contribution of three of his amazing Standard Theme themes and to New Blog Hosting for everything else.

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I probably get an average of about 150 spam comments per day. Some days more, some less. Fortunately, the spam filter catches them all, but I thought it was sort of a shame that these hard working spam bots never get their chance at publication here on my blog.

Why, some of them are downright poetic:

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Superior Knowledges by Independent Geneva Escorts

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I discovered, merely, the material
I undoubtedly checked pretty much everywhere
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College thinks
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праститутки модели by HEWTEEDIADIAF

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Download movies torrent (A haiku by River Darkness)

To watch a movie
Download movies torrent films
Download the movie

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Thanks for Lunch by Tory Burch Handbags

Excellent read
Just passed it on to a colleague
He actually bought me lunch
Because I found it for him (Smile)
So let me rephrase that
Thanks for lunch!

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Guide to dating women by Aletlepen

He also praised supporting cast
Guide to dating women
A secretary is an administrative assistant
Dating fender amplifier
Business office administration
Lemon tonic dating service

And in pacing a song,
Beautiful dating people site
Dylan pauses at certain points, so as to
Lemon tonic dating service
Make two syllables occupy time and space
Guide to dating women
That in the basic scheme of things will be
Native American dating sites
Expected to be occupied by four syllables
Guide to dating women

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Stay on Topic by Spectral DC

Can we get back on topic please?
Everything seems to have gotten off the subject.
Some of these comments are unbelievable.

(Okay, that one could actually be a real comment.)

So how about you? Have any interesting spam comments lately?

Winners of the #NoMoreBlogger giveaway will be announced tomorrow!

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Yes, lovely people…

I know it’s been awhile since I posted one of these updates, but I honestly didn’t think I had that many tweets over the past few weeks. That is, until I cut and pasted them all from my profile page into my blog. As usual, I was delusional. I had tweets a-plenty. Hopefully, I whittled them down to a manageable amount here. And I have twitpics!

The best of me (or not) on the Twitter:

katdish.net: from the sublime to the ridiculous (Okay, maybe not so much sublime…)

@fireboy49 I think you can relate almost any life experience to an episode of Seinfeld. (in reply to @fireboy49 @katdish Ah, a fellow Seinfelder.)

@fireboy49 Not that there’s anything wrong with that… (in reply to @fireboy49 @katdish Wow, I have socks just like that! Well, not just like that. I don’t bejewel my socks.)

Just noticed I walked the dog in these flops. I have another pair just like them.

RT @muchl8r What is that wretched smell? Did I step in something? No. That’s what winter smells like….

My son is home sick today. He just called me from his room and asked me to bring him breakfast. Y’all should probably pray for him…

@CassFrear @peterpollock knows he can never really be in trouble w/me because he’s pretty much indispensable.

@dlrayburn Well, hold off on the corner crying. You may do that after I tell you what I think…(in reply to @dlrayburn @katdish If ya got a sec, I would love your input on the color changes. 🙂 RLCBlog.com //If not, I will crawl into a corner and cry.

Getting a pedicure after months w/o one. I think the lady went to the back to find a power sander.

But seriously…there are some TWSS moments that one cannot pass up.

If y’all think I’m inappropriate on twitter, you should see some of my DMs.

My local Kroger has completely rearranged itself. NO ONE consulted me! First PCB, now this…

9YO was watching “Medical mysteries” on TV. She said, “The doctors found a growth in his urinal area”. Snort!

HELLP MEEE!!!

Watching the national news….”I see dumb people…”

Off the grid for awhile. I’ve been given reading orders by @billycoffey, who’s not the boss of me, but I can’t wait to dive into his words.

RT @muchl8r: I still think winter is the stupidest season. My attempt to like it over the past several months has been a sham.

Microwave: 1 Internet Connection: 0

Where is @redclaydiaries? She’s neglecting the virtual world.

@CandySteele Of course I’m mocking you. It’s what I do.

@billycoffey What do you mean survived? I’m delightful. (in reply to @billycoffey @JeanneDamoff Hey Jeanne! Saw that you survived your @katdish encounter.)

“It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way.” – Ernest Hemingway

RT @fishythoughts How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren’t even trying.

Yawn!!!!

Good Morning!

Because everything’s better with more cow bell.

got an email about praise band practice this week. We have a new member sitting in that plays blues guitar. I asked if I could play cow bell

Someone at the car wash has take out food that smells like B.O. At least I hope it’s the food. Dang.

@kelybreez Oh, like I have to fish for compliments. There are perks to being an internet tornado. (in reply to @kelybreez @katdish Pshaw.)

@kelybreez Am not. I happen to think Twitter DOES look fabulous this morning. (in reply to @kelybreez @katdish You’re just fishing for compliments.)

Good morning, Twitter! You’re looking fabulous this morning.

140 character limit holiday tip: The appropriate abbreviation for Valentine’s Day is V-Day. Not “VD”.

I would be offended if it weren’t for the fact that I suck at math. Even 4th grade math.

My daughter (in the 4th grade) has refused my help w/her math homework. Instead she is waiting for her dad to get off the phone to help her.

Because I’m thinking real angels don’t have curly locks and chubby cheeks. If that were the case, why do they always say, “Do not be afraid”

I need to write a post about how bitterly disappointed people w/cherub angel collections are gonna be when they get to heaven.

But in my defense, I got one of those “pass this email on if you love Jesus” emails. I think I’m entitled to rant.

All of my posts are a little ranty lately. I didn’t intend for the one I just wrote to be, just sort of happened.

Pretty excited that Lady Gaga left a spam comment on my blog, and she “harmonizes with my conclusions”. Wicked.

I call this "Dead dog in dead grass" Note: dog isn't really dead, but the grass is.

I will be posting my anti-Valentine’s Day post at midnight. Yes, I’m unromantic and jaded by commercialism.

Nothing I enjoy more than coming home after spending 3 hours in Houston traffic to have my son ask me to take him to the mall.

Who's got the coolest church trailer ever?

Carne asada & cheese enchiladas

Mmmmm....

Taking hubs to get LASIK this afternoon, but first, Mexican Food FTW. @kelybreez

The Donald for president? I just don’t know if I can get behind a guy with a bad combover.

I’m not sure how I feel about The Donald running for president.

@PeterPollock I read it once. Before I threw it with great force against the wall. (in reply to @PeterPollock @katdish Oh yes. You read it to your kids every night… right?)

Who likes the book The Giving Tree? I’m thinking about reposting my version of it.

RT @andylevy This is the worst resignation speech ever. #mubarak

Man, I thought I was stubborn. #mubarak

Uh, oh. This isn’t sounding like a resignation speech so far. #Mubarak

Reuters is reporting that Mubarak will NOT step down. If that’s the case, this will not end well.

@noveldoctor She’s pasted into the wall with her own paper. The design is of life-sized human bodies. She’s never found.

@noveldoctor I’m writing a novel about a wallpaper designer. She dies at the end, because I hate wallpaper.

RT @noveldoctor If your protagonist doesn’t struggle, you’re not writing a novel, you’re designing wallpaper.

Unconfirmed reports say Mubarek will step down via Fox News

“A good writer is basically a story teller. Not a scholar or redeemer of mankind.” ~ Isaac Singer

DH: I’m going to dinner next Wed. I’ll be back Thurs. Me: That’s a long dinner! DH: DENVER! Not dinner. Me: Oh, okay.

A winter haiku: Winter winds they howl/Garbage cans dance in the street/Sure glad they’re not mine.

Favorite pasta salad ever

Or maybe I’m just devastatingly lazy. Yes. Definitely one of those.

Life's too short to chop your own produce

And now, I must go face my arch nemesis: the grocery store.

Dr Pepper plant burning in Grand Prairie, TX. Observing a moment of silence for @marni71

@CandySteele Birds that grow fur? I think those are bats. (in reply to CandySteele @billycoffey We have birds that grow fur. Seriously, that’s what it looks like.)

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If the Hokey Pokey really was what it was all about, I would be in serious trouble…

I may have mentioned this in passing before, but today I make an all out confession:

I suffer from Left-Right Confusion,

Which in layman’s terms means I often can’t tell my left from my right without pretending to eat.

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It’s more embarrassing than anything else. I’ve called people moments after giving them directions to my house and asked them to repeat them to make sure I didn’t say turn left when they should turn right.

Joey, I feel your pain...

I don’t know if the two are related, but I also have a horrible sense of direction.

I’ve mostly come to terms to my condition and have given up my dreams of ever becoming an air traffic controller. But sometimes situations arise which remind me just how different I am. And not necessarily in a good way.

Such was the case Wednesday night.

I have this amazing book called The Art of Looking Sideways by Alan Fletcher. I’m sort of at a loss for words as to how to describe it, so I’ll let Amazon do it for me: “Alan Fletcher’s The Art of Looking Sideways is an absolutely extraordinary and inexhaustible “guide to visual awareness,” a virtually indescribable concoction of anecdotes, quotes, images, and bizarre facts that offers a wonderfully twisted vision of the chaos of modern life.” It is the big book of awesome, and I mean that literally: it weighs 5 pounds.

Anyhoo, I was looking through the book last night (there’s no beginning or end–you could start anywhere), when I came across an exercise which tests whether you were left or right eyed dominant.

Before I continue, I need to give you a little back story. When I was a young tot first picking up a crayon, my natural inclination was to lead with my left hand. My older sisters, apparently fearing being left-handed would make me more of a freak than I already was, forced me to write with my right hand. I’m convinced I should have been left-handed. I credit them for me being amberdextrous ambidexterous able to do things with both hands. I also blame them for my left-right confusion and the delayed discovery of my creativity. (It’s okay–they don’t read my blog. Feel free to heap burning coals upon their heads.)

Now, about the test. It started with a picture:

If you're right-eyed dominant, you probably see the above figure as a rabbit. If you're left-eyed dominant, you probably see a bird.

I was really hoping to discover that I was left-eyed dominant, which would confirm that I am truly left-handed and right-brained. This is my logic. Just nod and follow along, please. Well that was not at all helpful. I see both, and not really one more than the other.

But wait…there was more! Here’s the other test:

Stretch out an arm, either will do, and point with a finger to a distant corner of the room–keep both eyes open.

Staying in this position, close one eye, then the other. In one case your eye will match whatever you’re pointing at in the corner, in the other your finger will be pointing way off the mark.

If you’re on target, that’s your leading eye.

I took the test.

When I closed my right eye, my left eye stayed on target.

Yes!

I really am left-eyed dominant.

Redemption.

Until…

“Um…what are you doing?”, asks my husband.

“I took a test to see if I’m left or right-eyed dominant. I’m left-eyed dominant, by the way.”

I proceed to read him the instructions I followed to the letter. Then I repeated the test again.

“Which eye stays on target?”

“MY LEFT EYE! See?” (repeats test)

“Kat?”

“What?”

“That’s your right eye.”

DRATS!!!

What about you? Have any secret shames you hide from the world?

This is a safe place.

Talk to me, freaks!

This post was originally published here on April 9, 2009.

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The following was written by my friend and pastor, Jeff Hogan. He shared this story with us yesterday morning.

The sun was shining, and I was surprised at how warm I was getting. It was not particularly hot, but my load was heavy and awkward. About halfway up the hill, we paused for a moment on the gravel road and I turned to take in the view behind me.

Looking out past miles of pasture and grassland, my eyes met the horizon and fixed on the mountains that stretched out as far as I could see in either direction. Turning back to our burdens, we started again up the hill.

When we had gone as far as the road could take us, we negotiated a small culvert and continued on across country. The buckets made it difficult to traverse the steep incline of the hill, but by now the destination was only a few minutes away. As we neared the top of the bluff, I thought about the objects I was transporting.

I had only chosen a few rocks, but they were significant. Most of them were pretty close in size and weight, but had specific physical characteristics. For example, one was really rough and abrasive- like sandpaper. Another was quite attractive on one side, and black on the other. Every new rock caused me to consider the instructions that were given concerning their selection: “Each should represent a deep hurt someone has inflicted on you; a wound that you continue to carry.”

Every new rock made the lesson sink in more deeply.

My final selection was unique. It was a wound that I had carried around for a very long time. No, it was actually several wounds that were all joined together with the common thread of one relationship. I knew it as soon as I saw it. Large, angular and sharp, this rock was as awkward and unattractive as the hurt that it represented.

“That thing doesn’t even fit right in your bucket,” Tamara said. “Are you sure you want to carry it all the way up the hill?”

She was right. This one rock was as heavy as all the others combined. And since the diameter of my 5 gallon bucket wouldn’t accept all of the lopsided mass, adding it made the whole load awkward and top-heavy. But that was precisely the point. I didn’t want to carry its weight, but I already was.

It was perfect.

We arrived at the top of the bluff, set our buckets down, and peered over the edge of the cliff. The path we followed on our ascent had circled around so that we could see the mountains again. We could also see where we had begun. Ironically, although we now stood 40-50 feet above it, we really weren’t too far away from our starting point. Had we not been carrying the stones, we could easily have made the same journey in less than half the time.

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV).”

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins (Mark 11:24-26 NIV).”

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors (Matthew 6:12 NIV).”

We just stood silently for a few minutes, looking at the mountains and enjoying the cool October breeze.

Then one by one, we took turns throwing our rocks off the cliff.

With each toss, we expressed to God that we had forgiven the one who hurt us so deeply, and surrendered the burden of the wound to Him.

When I got to my last rock- the big one- I stopped and prayed, “Lord, I’ve carried this burden around for so long that it feels like a part me. But I don’t want it, and I never did. I am surrendering everything about the situation to You, including the person.

After hurling it over the side, I watched as my rock landed on an even larger one at the bottom of the cliff and was broken.

When we can’t forgive, we load ourselves down with burdens that can be much heavier than a bucket full of big rocks. If you’re carrying a weight like this around, take it to the cross and let it go.

Life is better with an empty bucket.

Forgive.

In Him We Live,

Jeff

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Okay, y’all. Just for fun…

TV Characters with Swagger (in no particular order):

Jack Bauer (photobucket.com)

Sawyer (photobucket.com)

Seely Booth (photobucket.com)

Raylan Givens (photobucket.com)

Peter Bishop (photobucket.com)

Shawn and Gus (photobucket.com)

Michael Weston (photobucket.com)

I can’t define it. I just know when I see it.

Who’d I miss?

Before I begin this post, I feel the need the qualify something. I do believe most of us know the true meaning of the word. Many have made the ultimate sacrifice for noble reasons. And for that I am grateful.

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Sacrifice

Sometimes I think how I view personal sacrifice is akin to my view of humility–the moment I begin to think of myself as sacrificial, I sort of miss the point.

• My daughter pleads for the latest “must have” and hard to find toy or trinket. I drive all over town to find what she wants, then surprise her with it when she gets home. Later I find this most wanted item tossed carelessly on the floor of her room.
• My son has a big school project due. He comes home to find that I’ve pulled the garbage cans in from the curb, brought his dirty clothes from his closet to the laundry room and emptied the dishwasher–all his chores–thereby giving him ample time to finish his assignment. Later I find him playing video games in his room. His school project, which is due the next day, lies unfinished on his bed.
• I discover a great new blog. I put the writer on my blog roll and retweet all new posts on Twitter. I visit and comment on his or her blog at least two or three times per week, but the blogger never replies to my comments nor does he or she ever visit my blog and leave a comment.
• After making a withdrawl from the bank, I see a man with a sign at a busy intersection–“Trying to get home. Need bus fare. Anything will help. God bless you.” I roll down my window and ask him how much he needs for bus fare. I give him the amount needed plus a few extra dollars. A week later I see the same man with the same sign in another part of town.

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Any of the above scenarios might be considered sacrificial on my part if I perform these acts expecting nothing in return. When I expect in return obedience, gratitude, respect, loyalty or love, the act ceases to be sacrificial and become some sort of unhealthy, passive-aggressive prid pro quo. Frankly, that’s just not the kind of person I want to be.

I’m examining my heart more and more these days, trying to be more like Jesus and less like my wretched self. And if I want to be more like him, I’ve got to love more like him. How about you?

“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings.” ~ Hosea 6:6

This post is part of the One Word at a Time blog carnival: Sacrifice, hosted by my friend Peter Pollock. To read more on the topic, please visit him at PeterPollock.com.

*******

Editor’s Note: For the record, I’m not in the habit of surprising my kids with toys or doing chores for them. I’m just not that nice of a mom. And if you’re on my blog roll, it’s not because I expect you to read my blog in return, it’s because I enjoy reading your blog and think others would, too. So there you go.

Last Friday, Peter Pollock and I announced that we are giving away 3 fabulous prizes:

3rd prize: One year of free blog hosting + a standard license for Standard Theme

2nd place prize: One year of free blog hosting, a domain name (.com or .net) and a standard licence for Standard Theme

1st place prize: One year of free blog hosting, a domain name (.com or .net), a standard licence for Standard Theme plus site design by @Katdish and Peter Pollock

Total value of all prizes: $775

For those of you who missed it, you can enter here and here.

For those of you who REALLY would like to increase your chances of winning, here’s another opportunity to do so. Write a blog post on your current blog and plead your case, then link the post back here by February 27, 2010.

For your efforts, you will be given 5 additional entries into the drawing.

Best of luck to you all. And as with all my giveaways: Please, no wagering…

Because someone will happen across my blog today that desperately needs to hear what Brennan Manning has to say here. Even if you’ve seen it before, I invite you to watch it again. You may even believe it this time.

Brennan Manning said:

The Lord Jesus is going to ask each of us one question and only one question: Do you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?

The real believers there will answer, “Yes, Jesus. I believed in your love and I tried to shape my life as a response to it. But many of us who are so faithful in our ministry, in our practice, in our church going are going to have to reply, “Well frankly, no sir. I mean, I never really believed it. I mean, I heard alot of wonderful sermons and teachings about it. In fact I gave quite a few myself. But I always knew that that was just a way of speaking; a kindly lie, some Christian’s pious pat on the back to cheer me on. And there’s the difference between the real believers and the nominal Christians that are found in our churches across the land. No one can measure like a believer the depth and the intensity of God’s love. But at the same time, no one can measure like a believer the effectiveness of our gloom, pessimism, low self-esteem, self-hatred and despair that block God’s way to us. Do you see why it is so important to lay hold of this basic truth of our faith? Because you’re only going to be as big as your own concept of God.

In the past couple of three years I have preached the gospel to the financial community in Wallstreet, New York City, the airmen and women of the air force academy in Colorado Springs, a thousand positions in Nairobi. I’ve been in churches in Bangor, Maine, Miami, Chicago, St. Louis, Seattle, San Diego. And honest, the god of so many Christians I meet is a god who is too small for me. Because he is not the God of the Word, he is not the God revealed by it in Jesus Christ who this moment comes right to your seat and says, “I have a word for you. I know your whole life story. I know every skeleton in your closet. I know every moment of sin, shame, dishonesty and degraded love that has darkened your past. Right now I know your shallow faith, your feeble prayer life, your inconsistent discipleship. And my word is this: I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are, and not as you should be. Because you’re never going to be as you should be.”

Do you believe that He loves you?

Those of you who have been following along with me in my blogging journey for awhile may remember that once upon a time, the name of my blog was “Hey look a Chicken”. Remember?:

Ah, good times, right? As much as I enjoyed that silly little blog, after helping Billy Coffey and Peter Pollock design this blog:

I was having a serious case of website envy. I still think BillyCoffey.com is one of the best looking writer’s websites around, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. It’s been used as an example of a model platform for aspiring authors by at least one publishing PR firm. What I love about Billy’s site is that the reader can get a sense of who he is as a writer and as a person. I’ve tried to do that here as well.

It’s no secret that I’m not a big fan of Blogger, even though it served me well, I think I just outgrew it when blogging became more than just a hobby for me. Part of what I do (besides being ridiculous and snarky) is to help promote and encourage other writers and bloggers, which means the image I reflect here is important. I think the cleaner, more professional look of Standard Theme by mastermind John Saddington has helped me accomplish this while still allowing me to maintain my personality. And lest you think all WordPress themes have to look alike, check out the variety of templates Peter Pollock has helped create and maintain for his clients:

Why should you care about any of this? Because if you’re ready to makeover your blog, Peter Pollock and I would love to help you do that. So much so that we’re giving away a year of free self-hosted wordpress blogging! Including site design by Peter and me for one  lucky winner.

We have three prizes to give away:

3rd prize: One year of free blog hosting + a standard license for Standard Theme

2nd place prize: One year of free blog hosting, a domain name (.com or .net) and a standard licence for Standard Theme

1st place prize: One year of free blog hosting, a domain name (.com or .net), a standard licence for Standard Theme plus site design by @Katdish and Peter Pollock

Total value of all prizes: $775

• Entry is easy. Simply leave a comment on this blog post and/or on the one at Peter’s site and you get one entry into the prize draw.
• Get an extra entry every day by tweeting about this giveaway and adding the hashtag #nomoreblogger
• You can also gain additional entries for the next ten days by visiting our sites and checking for our daily entry opportunities.

All entries will be numbered. At 12:01 CST on February 28, 2011, we will close entries and use the random.org random number generator to pick our three winners.

If you don’t need blog hosting, you can still enter and then give the hosting to a friend, if you win.

If you’re already a customer of New Blog Hosting and you win, we’ll add a year to your renewal date!

Enter here in the comments section and/or Peter’s site, PeterPollock.com

So, what do you say? Are you ready to be fabulous?

Many thanks to John Saddington of Tent Blogger and designer of the incredibly fabulous Standard Theme: The De Facto Professional Blogger’s Theme, for donating THREE Standard Theme templates for this contest. Even if you don’t enter the contest, I would highly recommend checking out his blog. It’s literally a treasure trove of useful and practical advice for bloggers.