Cold, flu and ARCTIC BLAST season

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Sick kid, sick me, freezing weather and reality television makes for some very grumpy and snarky tweets. But alas, the sun is shining this morning and I’m hoping to get out of this house very soon. Because this update is sadly lacking in twit pics…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

I’m 92% thru Anna Karenina, according to my kindle. Next I think I’ll read something a little lighter. Like the phone book, maybe.

Just saw on the news some folks moved the barriers on an icy overpass. Guess you can’t cure stupid.

The freeway system here is not designed for freezing temps. Accidents everywhere. Stay home if you can.

I wonder if I could make money by offering to not speak at certain public events.

You know, I’ve been doing some research into public speaking. Some folks make some serious cash doing that.

Some spam comments are so polite I’m tempted to approve them. Besides, some of my readers may need to buy discount scooter parts.

Alas, the official email has been sent. No school tomorrow.

I don’t care what the boy says, if I don’t get an official email from the school district, he’s going to school tomorrow.

@tonyjalicea Embrace your inner cranky ho, Tony. It works for me.

My son just came home and announced there was no school tomorrow. I shall wait for official email.

@RaleneB Yes. Can’t be caught in a snowstorm with your roots showing.

@SassafrasHill @Helenatrandom @LizFentonDecker Ding, ding, ding! Correct!

Back from Walmart. Answer the following:

Which aisle was most crowded? A) bread B) milk C) hair color ((hint: I live in Texas)

Okay, people! I’m headed to Walmart. Which should be quite an adventure, what with the ARTIC STORM bearing down on us. Snort!

I need to run some errands before Houston is covered by 1/4″ of snow & grinds to a complete halt.

That last tweet was a little gloat-y, huh? Sorry.

Congrats to @MichelleDeRusha (Told you I know good writers when I read them)

WOOT! >RT @RachelleGardner: Welcome new WordServe client @MichelleDeRusha! Follow her on Twitter & visit her blog:

The most amusing thing about getting snow in SE Texas are all the ARTIC BLAST! updates. Chicago is laughing at us.

Weatherman predicting snow today. In Houston. Go figure.

@weightwhat If I ever need a chicken poop fairy, your number’s on speed dial. (in reply to @katdish Are you sure? Because I could totally be your chicken poop fairy. We’ve got plenty here and I’m a giver.)

@CandySteele I definitely do not need a chicken poop fairy. I hate being sick. (in reply to @katdish Ha! I read that as “chicken poop.” Wish you lived closer – I’m on a cooking binge today.)

I need a chicken soup fairy

@karenzach More like Abe Vigoda (in reply to @katdish Not quite Audrey Hepburn this week, heh?)

Sitting here with tissue stuffed in my nose. Lovely.

Wind, rain, cold and no power. Lawsome.

Okay. I think I’m sick. But I’ve got a bottle of cherry flavored Nyquil and I’m not afraid to use it.

Is it okay to use the term “pretentious asshole” in a blog post? Sure hope so.

Let the incessant complaining begin anew >RT @Brian_Russell: I would like to wholeheartedly welcome @the_original_xy back to the internet!

@karenzach I accept your offer. (in reply to karenzach @katdish you best have someone righteous praying for you)

@karenzach Yes. She’s mini me. I pray for her constantly. (in reply to karenzach @katdish like her mama)

@karenzach It was a peach pit. She has a vivid imagination.

@karenzach She almost threw up in the trash can @ the doctor’s office. Later :”There was something in that can. Think it was a heart”

Cold symptoms make me snarky.

@BethLayne Ha! I’m gonna answer “love” next time they ask me “Paper or plastic”. (in reply to BethLayne Love is the answer, no matter the question.)

I’m sure it’s pure coincidence that I’ve been taking care of my sick kid for the past 5 days & I just sneezed 97 times.

I am not getting sick. I am not getting sick…


Sweet Fancy Moses. You wouldn’t believe what the stupid crap people will pay for. I think I feel an incessant rant coming on…

Earlier snail tweets brought to you by a book I just read about understanding philosophy thru jokes.

Knock on the door. Woman answers it only to find a snail. She picks it up & throws it across the yard….2 weeks later, another knock at the door. Woman answers to find the snail who says, “What was all that about?”

Time relativity: Snail is mugged by 2 turtles. Police ask what happened. Turtle says, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Bride told the consultant no price limit, finds a $14,000 dress, then asks to try on a $1500 dress. #gratefulInolongerworkretail

This bride wants a Panina wedding gown. I love their sandwiches!

Okay, even tv weddings make me a little verclempt.

@melissa_rae My mom has the good sense to talk about me behind my back. #kidding #sortof

“My daughter’s dress is gaudy because my daughter has gaudy taste.” bride’s mother #notnice

@fireboy49 Save your money. (in reply to fireboy49 @katdish If my daughter watches that show religiously, does that bode well for me?)

Okay. Now the fiance & MIL are now digging thru the dresses. GAAA!

And the fiance & MIL are making fun of the first dress she tried on. Sigh.

Okay, this bride brought her fiancé & her future mother in law to help pick out a dress. Um. No.

Okay. Bride picked the $11,000 dress. Her dad is going to sell his motorcycle so he can pay for it. Hope the groom knows what he’s in for

Okay, the $5000 budget has been broken. $11,000. Redunkulous.

But since I’m already being judgmental, I wonder if these brides have given as much thought to the marriage as they have to the wedding.

See? I told you I shouldn’t be allowed to watch reality TV. I get all judgmental and whatnot.

Father of the bride just told the consultant to forget about the $5000 price limit. These people need to get a grip.

I’m very grateful for my mom. She made my wedding dress & it was amazing. She also let me decide what it should look like.

I should not be allowed to watch reality TV. Watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC….

Follow @mychiapet, because I think we need to encourage all of @weightwhat’s personalities to come out from behind the tree.

@HyacynthW I’ve tried. But Oprah won’t talk my calls. (in reply to HyacynthW @katdish If you feel a connection with someone, ask! I did last summer and it’s been awesome to have her!)

Am I the ONLY PERSON who doesn’t have a mentor? I feel deprived…

I wish I would have known that before I started writing.

I’m of the opinion that many writers write to chase away demons, or at least keep them at bay for awhile.

@Learell Parts? I thought Macbooks were indestructible. Guess I should stop hitting mine w/a hammer.

My daughter sold 6 boxes of girl scout cookies. We’re proud underachievers here.

Not sure if that says something about me or about my readers. Or both.

When I get an idea for a post & then think, “Nah, that’s a really stupid idea” & then write it anyway, those are the most popular.

@RedClayDiaries You missed making my twitter update again. You really should devote more time to social media.

@mmmhmmmheinz I just had this whole heroic knight vibe going on in my head. Nights would be good, but I’m still thinking knights.

@mizweatherby I KNOW! And I had this whole King Arthur’s knights of the round table thing going on in my head. Ruined I tell you!

I just found out the song by The Moody Blues is Nights in White Satin, not KNIGHTS in White Satin, which pretty much ruins it for me.

Lying on the couch reading a book w/this stuck in my armpit.

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