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Confessions of a Christian Mother

I have a confession to make.

Despite advice to the contrary from well meaning friends, I am a Christian mom who allowed her daughter to play with Barbies and (GASP!) Bratz Dolls.

But thanks to generous giveaways here at HLAC, the Bratz dolls that formerly resided here now have new homes with Erin, Tony C and Jake. After all, my daughter’s body image is important to me, and I didn’t want her thinking she wasn’t pretty because she didn’t have a giant melon head, botox enhanced fish lips and detachable feet. Some lessons come slower than others, and parenthood is a series of difficult choices.

It’s such a shame I was not aware of these wholesome Christian alternatives:

God’s Girlz Dolls
Tired of toys with a worldly appearance? You’ll welcome these dolls with a perfect fit of faith and fashion! Whether your girls play with child of God Imani, nature-loving Hannah, worshipful Sarah, or musical Abigail, they’ll love the stylish outfits featuring faith-affirming T-shirts. And you’ll rejoice in the biblical message each poseable doll communicates.

Which is awesome and all, but seriously none of them look particularly wholesome when they’re lying nekkid in a clear rubbermaid container under the bed. Just saying…

I have put my foot down about certain clothes. My daughter will not be a devil fairy for Halloween despite an Academy Award worthy performance of flailing, crying and slammed bedroom doors. Nor will I allow her to wear “attitude tees” like this one:

Because if I’m being honest, there’s plenty of attitude around here without it being reaffirmed by wardrobe selections. But if you want to take it a step further, why not get a Godly attitude t-shirt?

At first glance, you think it’s snarky, but upon further inspection you realize that it is actually a bible verse!

How very clever! Take THAT satan!!!

Slutty Girlz Rock Band Contest Extended!

Hey, peeps! My kiddo is performing at Sea World today. Actually, his choir is performing – he doesn’t have mad water skiing skillz or anything like that. Anyway, one of the judges will be accompanying me on the trip, cuz her daughter is also performing. Therefore, I am extending the deadline until whenever I get back. This should be sometime tonight. In the meantime, let me remind you that still in the running are: Jake, Tony C., Rrramone, Nick the Geek, Helen, and of course, the odds on favorite: Beth!

I don’t need to tell you how skanktacular this particular prize package is. Clearly, you recognize quality, as witnessed by your loyalty to this blog! AHEM…

And now….(drum roll) here is the next group for your consideration:

Yes, Virginia there is a Skank Fairy:
Greetings from the Magical Land of Miscellaneous!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen! Not only do you get two beautiful stars from the blockbuster hit “Bratz Fashion Pixies!”, you also get two silver butterfly hair clips, a creepy little blue fairy, an extra skirt, wand AND a stereo radio worth literally hundreds of pennies!

I know you’re saying to yourselves, “How could she possibly offer such a fine prize package in such desperate economic times as these?!” But wait…there’s more!
You also will receive four cake topper bratz dolls, suitable for even the youngest wanna-be prostitot! (I realize that it is difficult to see in this picture, but trust me – the one on the far left has a precious expression that seems to say, “Oh no you di-ent!”, and the one on the far right bears a striking resemblance to BonQuiQui). Plus, a tiny pillow that says “Pamper Me”, a fuzzy bratz chiuaua with bobble head and all the accessories, and of course the removable pixie wings.
I know the competition will be extra tough this week. Please…no wagering! In the meantime, be thinking about possible graduation gifts for a certain young college blogger whose likeness will be up for grabs next week!