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Katdishionary Part 8

Ah, yes gentle reader. It is once again time for another installment of the epic and never-ending series of blog fodder known as the katdishionary. For your convenience, I have combined all previous posts in one place. (See the katdishionary tab) If there are other words you have observed me using that have yet to make it into the katdishionary, please feel free to share them in the comments section of that page. And as always, sorry/you’re welcome.

And now, on with the katdishionary:

Awesome Cat(pronounced: Ah-sum-kat)

Definition: Awesome Cat defies definition. He is awesome. The end.

Origin: My friend Shaun sent me the picture, which he found on Digg. As soon as I saw it, I knew Awesome Cat must be the unofficial mascot of the brain trust that is the Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants.

Badgertastic – (pronounced ba-jer-ta-stik)

Definition: Very definitively and enthusiastically having to do with badgers.

Origin: Sleep Talkin’ Man Blog – a blog that chronicles the nocturnal ramblings of a seemingly mild manned English chap by day who tends to get a tad profane whist sleeping: “My badger’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!” (Note: not suitable for all audiences.)

Example: Did you read SCL’s post about proposed VBS games? My favorite was Badger in a Bag. Badgertastic!

Badger in a Bag(pronounced: ba-jer-in-a-bag)

Definition: A VBS game concept described as follows: “Let’s hide pieces of caramel in a bag and then put a really angry badger in the same bag. To win, you have to successfully grab a piece of candy from the bag without losing a finger.” ~ Jon Acuff

Origin: Stuff Christians Like Post #275 – Playing Red Rover at VBS

Example: To heck with our liability insurance! Let’s bring badger in a bag back to VBS this year!

Faction(pronounced (fak-shun)

Definition: A memoir written by a relatively unknown and unpublished author with no ties to celebrities (in or out of rehab) which is rewritten as a novel in order to draw a larger audience.

Origin: Very savvy and smart publishers. (And no, I’m not being sarcastic. It’s brilliant marketing.)

Example: Snow Day by Billy Coffey. Available October 11, 2010 at bookstores everywhere. Buy one. Heck, buy 100. They make great stocking stuffers!

HRM(pronounced: H-R-M)

Definition: Acronym for Helen of Random Musings. HRM is used to differentiate Helen when she interviews herself on her blog.

Origin: “I first thought of interviewing myself when Former Governor Blagojevich was causing a media circus by going on any show that would have him claiming that he shouldn’t be impeached because he hasn’t been convicted of a crime. (And that he is innocent, and Rahm Emmanuel should be subpoenaed to testify on his behalf at his impeachment hearing, blaj blaj blaj (sic)….) His antics were driving me crazy, and it occurred to me that by using a split personality as a literary device, I’d be able to demonstrate to people reading just how crazy. My friends liked the interviews and suggested I do them more often, so I have.” – Helen (aka HRM)


Blagojevich Part I

Blagojevich Part II

How I Didn’t Become a Nun

Dancing With the Kumquats (My Supermarket Salsa Post)

About My Fortieth Birthday

My New Year’s Resolutions

Midyear New Year’s Resolution Update

Skunkalicious(pronounced: skun-ka-li-shous)

Definition: The state of not wanting to leave the house due to an excess period between root touch ups which gives me the appearance of wearing an odoriferous rodent on my head.

Origin: Genetics. Asian DNA which causes premature graying. I started going gray in my late 20’s. Sadly, the math gene was not passed on to me.

Example: Sorry. I can’t meet you for lunch today. I’m feeling a bit skunkalicious.

This concludes this edition of the katdishionary. Always a pleasure to educate the internets.

A Tribute to Hot Dogs

(This picture reminded me that I haven’t ranted incessantly about Martha Stewart in awhile. I shall have to remedy this situation very soon.)

My post on Thursday, The Katdish Dictionary Part 1 caused me to wax poetic about a time before most of us from The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants were on the twitter. FOTTSP was like our own personal twitter without the 140 character limitation. Good times.

Anyhoo, I decided to go back through some old posts and I found this wonderful tribute to hot dogs from Celine Dion:

Aren’t you glad you stopped by? Sorry/You’re welcome.


For a complete list of the assorted mixed bag of nuts who contribute to The Fellowship, click on the link and check the sidebar. And if you think my sidebars are crowded, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

It’s all about the comments, baby!

For those of you who are still unaware of this, I write for two other blogs. The first is my sad, little painting blog, Stuff I Painted. The other is the brainchild of a few of my bloggy pals. It’s basically and very strange chat room of sorts. It’s been feeling a bit maligned lately, so I thought I would do a sort of “best of”.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants comments hall of fame post:

Warning, this is in totally bad taste.

One of the local funeral homes had a fire last week. One of the workers attend out church and we work with them often. In the board meeting yesterday it was discussed that we were offering them use of our facilities as much as they need. The prep and holding facilities are fine and I think the chapel is fine, but their offices were damaged so it isn’t as bad as it sounds.

Anyways, one of the board members said “Yeah they are having a new Cremation Special.” Yep that was the part I warned you about. I told him that was pretty crude, and then I made it clear that when the Youth Pastor says it was not nice it is really bad. Of course I was laughing so my point might have been lost.

Can’t say I didn’t warn you. At least I’m not the one that said it. (Posted by Nick the Geek)

And now…the comments section:

107 comments: (Yes. You read that correctly)
Matt @ The Church of No People said…
Ba ha!
I’m all about bad taste.

April 6, 2009 5:49 PM
katdish said…
This is somewhat unrelated, but when I saw your comment on Candy’s blog, it reminded me of it.

I used to date a guy that was an auditor for a large chain of funeral homes. One of his investigations made the news because in the process of auditing a funeral home’s books, he discovered that they had been selling plots AND caskets multiple times. Some graves had more than one casket in them, sometimes with more than one body per casket. Can you even imagine? I wonder if there’s a special place in hell for someone who would do that. I know that our bodies are only temporary, but that just strikes me as a seriously evil thing to do to someone’s family.

April 6, 2009 6:30 PM
Nick the Geek said…
hehehe. That is all.

yeah people really need to honor families more than that. I wouldn’t mind if I was told in advance … I don’t really care much what happens to me. I’ve pretty well decided that I should be cremated, assuming the cause of my death doesn’t ultimately result in cremation at which point it is a mute point. Family should be honored in their time of grief though.

April 6, 2009 6:40 PM
sherri said…
Yeah, that’s awful.

And, as far as my body goes, I don’t really care what happens to it as long as my stilletos come with.
Put my ashes in a sandwich bag and stuff it in a shoe and mount it on the fireplace. I don’t care.

April 6, 2009 7:48 PM
katdish said…
Sherri – the funniest part of that comment is that your ashes probably WOULD fit inside a sandwich bag, if not a snack bag.

April 6, 2009 7:54 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
Put my ashes in a shoe and it would be the only time I had a shoe that fit.

Frankly, I’d rather have them scattered off a bluff overlooking the Mississippi River, but I think it’s illegal unless nobody sees you. So I think this group could take care of that little item for me, being the scoundrels that you are.

April 6, 2009 8:21 PM
sherri said…
katdish- you OBVIOUSLY have not seen my backside lately. But thank you.

I should have said a FREEZER bag.

April 7, 2009 5:16 AM
Helen said…
For some reason, talk of our own burial reminds me of a nasty poem I learned as a kid. Don’t worry, I won’t leave it on a fine upstanding blog such as this.

April 7, 2009 5:19 AM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
Coming soon – email blast from Helen.

April 7, 2009 5:26 AM
Beth said…
Hmmm…hopefully not coming any time remotely soon:

Operation Candy Sprinkles

Tee hee.

April 7, 2009 5:59 AM
Nick the Geek said…

Would it bother you if I used my t-shirt cannon. It should be perfected by then.

April 7, 2009 6:11 AM
Nick the Geek said…
I should put a warning label, “do not shoot blogger ashes into the wind.”

April 7, 2009 6:11 AM
katdish said…
Helen – I think that is a wise decision – wouldn’t want anything to distract from the quiet dignity of the pornographic cheese buttler.

For some reason, I’m envisioning ashes being shot out of a t-shirt cannon as an episode of Myth Busters.

April 7, 2009 6:23 AM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
@NtG – It would be perfect. I want a few ashes in Wisconsin also. Remember to stand down wind.

April 7, 2009 6:39 AM
Nick the Geek said…

On mythbusters they would see if you could modify a t-shirt cannon to shoot ashes into space. When that didn’t work they would use high explosives to make it work.

I should work for them. It would be the best 5 seconds of my life.

April 7, 2009 6:50 AM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
“She’s everywhere, she’s everywhere!!!”

April 7, 2009 6:54 AM
Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said…
“Tshirt-Cannon Ash Spreader”

On the next Dirty Jobs.

Mike Rowe would totally accidentally get some in his mouth.

Ooo, I think I just wrote something dirty. I’ll stop now.

(Katdish, you can take it from here.)

April 7, 2009 6:58 AM
katdish said…
“Mike Rowe would totally accidentally get some in his mouth.”

Well considering the fact that, with the exception of my dh, I think Mike Rowe is the sexiest man alive, I’ll just sit here and blush for awhile…

April 7, 2009 7:12 AM
Nick the Geek said…
so when Candy is ready I’ll shoot her across the Mississippi and when katdish is ready I’ll shoot her directly at Mike Rowe.

April 7, 2009 7:16 AM
Marni said…
Could you shoot me at Jon Bon Jovi?

April 7, 2009 7:19 AM
katdish said…
Nick – that works for me. But I think you should make alternate plans just in case you don’t make it through your premiere on “Mythbusters: That’s gotta hurt!”

April 7, 2009 7:22 AM
Helen said…
Katdish, sexier than Scott “Where No Man Has Gone Before” Bakula?

April 7, 2009 7:28 AM
Beth said…
Really, Ladies. Men are not just objects. They have a mind and feelings, too.

(In case Frank dies before me, please shoot me at Tom Burgeron. JUST KIDDING! I meant Fabio. JUST KIDDING AGAIN! I really have no idea who I’d want my ashes to pummel…Is that weird?)

Marni, you’ll have to fight Stacey for Bon Jovi.

April 7, 2009 8:17 AM
Marni said…
Stacey, I hardly know you. You seem witty and sweet and I’m honored you’re my sister in Christ. But if you come between me and Jon Bon Jovi, it’s on like Donkey Kong!!

And I just have to throw this out there: Why did NtG feel compelled to throw a disclaimer about this post being in bad taste? Do we REALLY need a disclaimer since this site was built on it (as opposed to Rock and Roll like SCL?)

Oh and Sherri, I have on some FABULOUS high heels today. They hurt like a mutha, but they are hot, hot, hot. Everytime I look down and admire (read: worship) them, I think of you…

April 7, 2009 9:29 AM
Nick the Geek said…
This one was particularly bad taste and has somehow gotten much much worse.

April 7, 2009 10:04 AM
sherri said…
See Marni, my crippled feet STILL look great in stilletos! I just don’t move as fast. But I have a desk job, so who cares? Boys are grown, Big AL doesn’t chase me around the house anymore…

Don’t you just feel better (although you’re writhing in pain) just admiring/worshipping them?

And , if I had never met Bi Al, and if I wasn’t married, and He wasn’t married, and if I was way hotter and he liked short redheaded woman, I’d say my stuffed shoe would be sittin’ of Keith Urban’s mantle.
(Personally, I think Nicole Kidman is strange looking). What was he thinking? When he could have had all this? His loss.

April 7, 2009 10:18 AM
sherri said…
And, for the record, BIG AL is NOT “Bi”!

He’s totally straight, I tell ya’.

April 7, 2009 10:20 AM
sherri said…
Nick, after reading over all the comments, I will have to say that the post that did indeed start in bad taste has ended up quite DISGUSTING!

Helen- you may as well share the poem now. We’ve got everyone all warmed up!

April 7, 2009 10:22 AM
Helen said…
Ahem ahem….

When I die
I shall be buried
Face down in the grass
So that all who had dissed
Can now kiss my……..

April 7, 2009 10:48 AM
katdish said…
Seen on a hypochondriac’s headstone:

“See…I told you I was sick.”

April 7, 2009 10:53 AM
sherri said…
Helen- that wasn’t so bad…

April 7, 2009 11:03 AM
Helen said…
Well, I did leave out the last word.

April 7, 2009 11:05 AM
Nick the Geek said…
Helen did you write that for anyone in particular? A name that might rhyme with kapdish?

April 7, 2009 11:18 AM
katdish said…
Nick –


April 7, 2009 11:31 AM
Nick the Geek said…
yeah I think that is what helen want you to kiss

April 7, 2009 11:38 AM
Helen said…
Katdish never dissed me, Nick.
Right Katdish?

April 7, 2009 12:57 PM
katdish said…
I would never diss Helen. Ever. Period.

April 7, 2009 1:17 PM
Helen said…
See Nick? I told ya! I would never diss Katdish either! AND I WON’T LET ANYONE ELSE! (That means you, Bunnicula!)

April 7, 2009 1:21 PM
BUNNicula said…
( o )

April 7, 2009 1:37 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
Geesh, I leave town to go to a funeral of all places, and you guys are blowin’ ashes and (|)’s all over this poor place!! Sherri, thought of you during the funeral because my feet were killing me.

And I didn’t know I had a chance to get shot at a PERSON. So you guys get Fabio and Mike Rowe and I’m gettin’ Mark Twain? How fair is THAT?? Story of my life.

April 7, 2009 1:39 PM
BunBun said…

April 7, 2009 1:40 PM
Helen said…
It appears that Nick is taking Bunnicula’s name in vain again.
Didn’t he already let you know that he didn’t like that, Nick?

April 7, 2009 1:42 PM
Beth said…
I repeat, Fabio was a JOKE. He’s alllllll yours, Candy!

April 7, 2009 1:45 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
Actually, the more I think about it, I’ll take Mark Twain.

PS – It took me at least 5 minutes to find the “|” on the keyboard to make a (|). Has that key always been there?

April 7, 2009 1:50 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
And does it have a name? (no wise cracks, please)

April 7, 2009 1:52 PM
Helen said…
Okay, I just found out that Sheryl Crow does a version of “Dyer Maker”. I but it on my playlist because I can’t find a complete Ledd Zepplin version. Does anyone else think Sheryl Crow’s rendition is weak in comparison to Ledd Zepplin’s? Or are these fighting words?

April 7, 2009 2:03 PM
Helen said…
that should read
I put it on my playlist

April 7, 2009 2:04 PM
Helen said…
Candy, that button was never there before. Nick installed it while you were at the funeral. Maybe we should name it in his honor somehow…

April 7, 2009 2:12 PM
katdish said…
Helen – It’s Led Zepplin (one “d”). I don’t know if that makes a difference or not.

I’ve not heard the Sheryl Crow’s version, but I can’t imagine it possibly being better than the original. Then again, I had that album and I LOVE that song.

Isn’t it funny how most of their song titles have nothing to do with the lyrics of the song? That always cracked me up.

April 7, 2009 2:36 PM
katdish said…
Also – I bet Hucklebuck knows what that thing is called, and apparently, he’s still alive. Win-win.

April 7, 2009 2:37 PM
katdish said…
Have you guys stopped and read thru all the comments on this blog post? Hilarious!

April 7, 2009 2:38 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
It’s pretty amazing. Pity the foo’ who comes here for the first time. Starting with “cremation, anyone” this post now has it’s own heartbeat. Cracktacular.

April 7, 2009 2:42 PM
Helen said…
Yep, they are.
By the way, I don’t know what a Dyer Maker is. If I google it, are my sensibilities going to be in for another shock?

April 7, 2009 2:49 PM
Helen said…
Until googling “Uh oh oh oh oh oh, you don’t have to go oh oh oh oh”, I thought that was the title of the song.

April 7, 2009 2:52 PM
Nick the Geek said…
OK, First Mark Twain is not available for the ash in the face cannon. I might be willing to dig up Samuel Clemons next time I’m in north MO though. I bet he would get a kick out of that.

Second, how does this post get over 50 comments. Bad to worse to worst I’m telling you.

Finally, with all the potential suspects why did I get tossed under the bus for using Bunicula’s name? Just because I like pranks doesn’t mean I’m responsible for every prank. Although adding a key to someone’s keyboard while they were away would be pretty awesome … if someone did that which I most certainly didn’t 😉

April 7, 2009 2:53 PM
BunBun said…
Nick, all I can say is that I knew it was not the real Bunnicula, because the real Bunnicula’s butt has a certain savoir faire that yours doesn’t.

April 7, 2009 2:57 PM
Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said…
These comments have gone so fast and furious that they’ve kept my inbox full all day. This in spite of my busyness entertaining 3 kids for spring break.

One commenter was allowed to go unmocked a few minutes ago, and I can’t allow that. The comments:

“PS – It took me at least 5 minutes to find the “|” on the keyboard to make a (). Has that key always been there?”

Followed by:

“And does it have a name? (no wise cracks, please)”

Wise CRACKS. Hee.

Personally, I think that key should heretofore be christened the wisecrack key.

April 7, 2009 2:58 PM
sherri said…
I was trying to keep my mind reflective on this sacred week..then i came here.

Death and burial IS part of the story, but somehow the reverence I came with early this morning is all but lost.

I’m so ashamed.

But on a happier note, I found a pair of shoes I thought I had lost (while cleaning out a closet last night)!

I want to be buried in them.

And if you guys should travel to see me for one last time (or for the first time), wear stilletos in my honor. K?
Well, not you Nick, but the others.

And DON’T let katdish speak. Or get near a microphone. Or draw anything. Or offer a song.
Or sit in the front…etc.

She’s welcome at the after party (she can lead karaoke), just not at my solemn funeral service.

promise me that my wishes will be granted?

April 7, 2009 2:59 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…

April 7, 2009 2:59 PM
Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said…

April 7, 2009 3:01 PM
Helen said…
Sherri, all I can say is that for sure I am staying away from the computer on Good Friday. I kind of trust you guys, but not so much myself.
Candy, I kinda like Steph’s name for it.
Steph, are we cluttering up you INBOX? Sorry about that.

April 7, 2009 3:09 PM
Candace Jean July 16 said…
oh…I get it. Like you, I couldn’t keep up. It’s as bad as a Twitter feed in this room.

April 7, 2009 3:11 PM
Nick the Geek said…
The wisecrack key is also known as the … are you ready? … vertical line. Can’t imagine how they came up with that name.

Sherri, I have a great prank idea you could help me with. It would top the last one. It seems to be about the only way to top it escalation being what it is. If you help me I promise to try and behave at your funeral … I won’t say anything about how they had to use a child’s coffin or how I’ll have to use my marshmallow launcher instead of my t-shirt cannon to send your ashes into the face of a some equally short celebrity.

April 7, 2009 3:19 PM
katdish said…
Hey, this is sort of off topic, but I’m going on a field trip with my daughter tomorrow.

Does anyone know any practical jokes that you can play on zoo animals?

April 7, 2009 3:21 PM
Nick the Geek said…
Shoot someone’s ashes in their face. Animals hate that but never see it coming. You will need someone of small stature so you can use a smaller delivery device though.

April 7, 2009 3:30 PM
sherri said…
Yeah Nick, thanks alot for not bringing it up. Yes, I’ll help with the prank, cause I don’t want you dissing me anymore with the short jokes!

katdish- don’t hang around the monkey cages with kids in tow- they always put on x-rated shows EVERYTIME we took the kids.
If one of your kids says, Aw, Look mom. That one monkey is raisin’ the other one’s tail…” the fun is about to ensue so get them outta’ there fast!

I know you would think it’s hilarious, but really, a bit graphic for the youngins.

April 7, 2009 3:31 PM
sherri said…
And Nick, please remember…I’m NOT DEAD YET!

QUit making plans for my tiny ashes when so far as I know I’m the picture of health.

DO you know something I don’t.

DId you get a hold of my recent test results before they sent them to me?

April 7, 2009 3:33 PM
sherri said…
How long doo I have Nick? How long?

Just be straight with me. I can’t take it. I’m a big girl. Well, not really, but give it to me straight.

April 7, 2009 3:35 PM
katdish said…
Nick – Don’t go making promises you can’t keep about firing Sherri’s ashes at equally short celebrities. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Hervé Villechaize has passed away.

Did y’all know that Jeff asked to be taken off the e-mail notification list for this blog? Seems as he was getting an inordinate number of emails on his blackberry. Can you imagine?

April 7, 2009 3:37 PM
sherri said…
The extra 0 was added on DOO for emphasis. It was NOT, I repeat NOT a typo.

I have to leave now to go to my parent’s 55th wedding anniversary dinner.

Behave ya’ll.

April 7, 2009 3:37 PM
Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said…

Make sure you shoot ashes at the x-rated monkeys. And make uncomfortable jokes while they’re gettin ‘hitched’. And be sure to tease them for their height deficiency.

They LOVE that. If they’re eating or pooing at the time, all the better.

“If you have any poo, throw it now!”

April 7, 2009 3:40 PM
sherri said…
katdish- I’m taller than some other people too, besides Herve’ Villechaize (God rest his soul).
I just love saying his name. “Herve Villechaize” (typing it was a bit tricky though.)

April 7, 2009 3:41 PM
sherri said…
I’m leaving now, but Steph’s comments just made me picture katdish and her reaction to the monkey hibbity jibbity. It would be classic, I’m sure. Just sayin’…

April 7, 2009 3:44 PM
Beth said…
Man, you feed your family dinner and color some Easter eggs and…

QUICK! There’s a dude on Wheel of Fortune with a severe fauxhawk!

April 7, 2009 4:24 PM
katdish said…
-sack lunch (check)
-sunscreen (check)
-comfortable walking shoes
-flip video camera (check)
-small, portable steamer filled with ashes from the 55 gallon burn drum in the backyard (check) (and shut up, we’re only a little bit redneck)
-ziplock bag full of Buddy poo (check)

Ready for the zoo!

April 7, 2009 5:20 PM
Helen said…
Nick, I was sure it was you because BunBun told me. I am sure the others got his email, right guys? You probably aren’t on his email list because you don’t have yours up on your profile, so how was the little bunny supposed to know.

April 7, 2009 6:05 PM
Nick the Geek said…
I think I have enough data to make a formula that tracks the correlation between the inappropriateness of a given post and the number of comments the post receives now.

Serious posts will generate 2-5 comments.

Secular humor will generate 5-10 comments.

Religious humor will generate 10-20 comments.

Bodily function humor will generate 20-30 comments.

Grossly inappropriate humor will generate 30+ comments where the more inappropriate the humor the more comments will be left.

Of course these are all statistical averages and so there will be anomalies but those are exceptions.

April 7, 2009 7:22 PM
sherri said…
Sad, but true Nick.

April 7, 2009 7:42 PM
Annie K said…
I’m gone for like half a day. And I come back and this. What the…? Have you people no life?

April 7, 2009 8:52 PM
katdish said…
Annie – I’ll have you know that this has been a very productive day. I finished several set pieces for the 2nd grade musical, started making signs for C3 on Sunday, filled a ziplock bag full of dog poo, and simonized my car (okay, I might have made one of those up). I’m a multi-tasker! But I gotta go to bed now! Goodnight Hervé Villechaize, where ever you are!

April 7, 2009 9:05 PM
Annie K said…
Actually I was too busy on Facebook to be here.

April 8, 2009 5:07 AM
Shark Bait said…
Wow!! I couldn’t get the comments to load on this post yesterday, and now I know why…

81 Comments. Isn’t that some sort of record?

April 8, 2009 6:25 AM
Marni said…
Beth, I saw fauxhawk dude on Wheel of Fortune. Thank God, I thought I was the only person under 55 who watched that show. That faux made him dumb. Who wouldn’t get “clipboard”? I was screaming it at the TV, but he didn’t hear me…

I long to be on that show. I could win some serious prizes. I am sad that gone are the days that my head could float around on the screen as I buy $600 ceramic dalmations, but it’s okay I guess.

April 8, 2009 6:32 AM
Nick the Geek said…
“That faux made him dumb. Who wouldn’t get “clipboard”? I was screaming it at the TV, but he didn’t hear me…”

Irony how I love thee

April 8, 2009 6:38 AM
Nick the Geek said…
Shark Bait

“81 Comments. Isn’t that some sort of record?”

Based on my latest theory of comments in this blog I believe that is a record for the most base post this blog has seen.

April 8, 2009 6:39 AM
Helen said…
Marni, I too have wanted to be on that show. But I have to remind myself that at home it is always my turn, the bankrupt or lose a turn never affects me, and I have nothing to be nervous about. All that changes when your on the show.
What is your favorite category? Mine is probably “fictional character”.
Least favorite category? Before and After. I am not fond of the weird combos. Happy Birthday Suit. You know.
Any other Smarty Pantsers want to get in on this? Let’s see how high we can get the comments up to!

April 8, 2009 6:40 AM
Marni said…
Before and After is my favorite category. Helen, I hope this doesn’t cause you to re-evaluate our friendship..I mean, c’mon “Jiffy Pop Culture”…that’s genius right there.

Hey Nick….tttttthhhhhhhhppppppp!

Speaking of death-bad-taste stories (actually we’re not speaking of them sense we’re now on to sexually aggressive monkeys and Wheel of Fortune) there was a bit on the radio this morning about a 6’7″ man who died some 10 years ago. He was buried in a standard casket. A few months ago, the lightbulb went off in his family’s collective head and they were all “wait a minute…he was really tall and that casket was no more than 6 feet long…what gives?” So they had him exhumed (!!!) and realized the funeral home had cut off his lower legs so as to fit him in the casket. (I should point out here that the guy was, in fact, dead when his legs were cut off. I doubt he was all offended, but that’s just me). But his family is PISSED and threw a hissy fit to the DA’s office who has now, 10 years later, charged the director of the funeral home with “desecration of a corpse” and he could very well lose his license.

I just wanted to run that up the fodder flag pole and see if anyone salutes.

April 8, 2009 9:23 AM
Helen said…
Marni, I don’t think we need to reevaluate our friendship. I can concede the Jiffy Pop Culture is good. Can you concede that Happy Birthday Suit isn’t? Can we meet in the middle here?
I think it was inappropriate for the funeral home to do that without consulting the family. I would have probably said “Leave my Daddy’s legs alone!”, but, alas, as the hater of Happy Birthday Suit, I may be way off on this one….

April 8, 2009 9:31 AM
Nick the Geek said…
Marni, yet another reason to be cremated.

Along that train of thought, why is it wrong to cut someone off at the knees to fit into the casket the family paid for but it is ok to render them into ash?

April 8, 2009 11:33 AM
Marni said…
Yes, Happy Birthday Suit is creepy. I’m so glad we’re still friends.

I think it was inappropriate to chop off daddy’s legs too. I just found this whole shabang funny because it took them 10 years to connect the dots about dad being tall, but casket being short.

The funeral home put the chopped off legs in the casket and they were buried with daddy. I guess they thought that would soften the blow??

Nick, that is the question of the day. How is burning not desecration, but choppin is. I just don’t know. I told my hubs and kids to cremate me and keep the extra cash that saved. Of course now that you’re going to shoot me at Bon Jovi, the plan is even better. But I’ll tell my family to have a plan B ready in case you don’t outlive me. Which statistically speaking, you won’t because you are in full time ministry…with teenagers. You’re kind don’t live very long, I’m just sayin…

April 8, 2009 12:02 PM
Marni said…
Your, you’re…whatever. I’m an English major, so that was a serious party foul…

April 8, 2009 12:04 PM
Nick the Geek said…

You forgot to factor in 4 kids 5 and under and a trip cross country on a plane this summer. Statistically speaking I’m not sure how I’m still alive.

April 8, 2009 12:08 PM
Nick the Geek said…
and I thought you were say I am kind, which was very nice of you.

April 8, 2009 12:08 PM
Helen said…
Marni, I was an English minor. Some of the faux pas I have made make me seem more like an English miner, like my daddy was a coal miner in the Old Country. Sometimes I just can’t dig up the correct word or spelling.

And I didn’t think that you thought desecrated corpses were funny. I understood you to mean the very idea that ten years later someone says “SHEBANG! THAT CASKET WAS SEVEN INCHES SHORTER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE!” was wgat was funny.

April 8, 2009 12:11 PM
Helen said…
“Wgat” instead of “what”. Mining for English again….

April 8, 2009 12:12 PM
Nick the Geek said…
Isn’t “wgat” Welsh for “what”?

April 8, 2009 12:27 PM
Brian C. Russell said…
Is your life-insurance money burning a hole in your pocket?
Well, stoke the fires with this great sale on cremation!
This deal is HOT HOT HOT! Come in quick before all the savings just burn away!
Don’t let this sale become dust in the wind! Act now to make sure that your future’s sealed up tight!

April 8, 2009 1:18 PM
katdish said…
Ninety-freaking-seven comments? That’s beats Acuff. Of course, SCL has comments from lots of people, not just the same ones over and over.

Brian – for a minute there, I thought Smartypants had its first spam comment. I’m mildly disappointed. (Brian is B-man).

Didn’t see the sawing the legs off thing coming. I figured they folded him in half or something.

Best wrong answer of Wheel of Fortune?

Should have been: GONE WITH THE WIND

Contestant guess: DONE WITH ONE HAND


April 8, 2009 3:03 PM
sherri said…
ninety nine….

April 9, 2009 6:06 AM
sherri said…
One Hundred!!!!!
DO I win something?

(And no $6000 ceramic dalmation either!)

April 9, 2009 6:07 AM
sherri said…
Uh oh, ninety eight didn’t publish, so here it is out of order.

Comment # 98

April 9, 2009 6:08 AM
sherri said…
Yep it did. Katdish was 98.

SO I put us over the 100 comment mark! I think I should get a bonus prize and please, don’t let katdish be the prize giver…..

April 9, 2009 6:10 AM
Nick the Geek said…
I think the winner should get a visit from the skank fairy.

April 9, 2009 6:33 AM
Marni said…
“done with one hand”…awkward turtle. Did Pat and Vanna get freaked out looks on their faces??

April 9, 2009 6:44 AM
Helen said…
Good News everyone! If you google “pornographic cheese butler”, the only two sites that come up are “Hey Look, A Chicken”, and this one! I wonder if blogger can stand all that traffic going to only two sites!

April 9, 2009 6:49 AM
katdish said…
I’m gonna tweet this comments section. The world needs to know what they are missing!

May 21, 2009 11:25 AM
Helen said…
I’m glad you retweeted this.
Nick’s revelation about the vertical line brought me to this thought…

this – is a horizontal line.

I should go over all of our comments in previous posts and see what further wisdom I can glean….

Sorry/You’re Welcome.