Katdish.net

This is a repost of something I wrote several months back in response to a few high profile folks on the twitter unfollowing their followers in-mass. I’m reposting it today because: A) I’m trying to get this stupid pottery piece finished for a school auction and I don’t have time to write anything,

I hate rhinos, painting and pottery. Seriously. I've spent 4 days on this thing and I'm dead on the inside.

and B) I’ve been unfollowed FOR THE SECOND TIME by a person whose work I appreciate and respect, who assures me “it’s nothing personal”, and I honestly believe that for him, it really isn’t personal, he’s just checking out this cool unfollow tool he found. But the problem with a mass unfollow of thousands of people is that there are actual people behind those avatars, and some people actually DO take it personally. I mean, I don’t. Not really. But still…

image courtesy of photobucket.com

The latest trend on the twitter seems to be the mass unfollow. I think Chris Brogan started the trend, Michael Hyatt and others followed suit.

Carlos Whittaker wrote a pretty spot-on post about why he’s not unfollowing everyone, so I figured I’d be trendy and give you my take on the whole follow/refollow/unfollow…um…thingy.

Last time I checked, I had 2546 followers on the twitter. Bush league numbers compared to a guy like Michael Hyatt who has over 100,000 followers or LosWhit whose following is just shy of 23,000. I have never used an auto-follow back service, which automatically refollows anyone that follows you. For every new follow notification I receive, I choose to refollow or not based on whether I think the person (and they need to be a real person) would be someone who could add to the conversation–whatever that conversation might be.

Auto-refollow services offer people (especially high profile people) a convenient, hands-off approach to connecting with their followers, and while I don’t anticipate I’ll ever have enough followers to warrant using such a service, even if I did, I wouldn’t.

Why?

Because I think it’s disingenuous.

There’s plenty of spam twitter accounts; plenty of people on Twitter who view follower counts as nothing more than a numbers game.

But there are also real, flesh and blood people on the other side of that tweet.

• There’s a stay-at-home mom whose baby just puked on the last clean shirt she owns.
• A new, struggling writer whose blog is read by 3 people, 2 of which are his mom and dad.
• A lonely, housebound widower who is desperately trying to make human contact with another soul in cyberspace.

All of whom are thrilled to death when someone they admire and respect is actually following THEM on Twitter.

How do you suppose it makes them feel when they are summarily dumped in a massive unfollow?

I assume it makes them realize what they suspected all along:

That they never really mattered in the first place.

And I’d rather let them know that up front instead of letting them believe otherwise until they’re of no use to me anymore.

Like the sign hanging in my daughter’s elementary school hallway says:

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

(Sorry–but I had to get that off my chest.)

While I consider each new follow on an individual basis, I do have some guidelines which help me determine who NOT to refollow. I’ve shared them here before, and here they are again:

image courtesy of photobucket.com

The Top 10 Reasons I didn’t grant you the courtesy refollow:

Generally speaking, if someone follows me on the twitter and they appear to be a real person and not some spambot or online markerter, I will grant the courtesy refollow. By the way, if you are a real person and I’m not refollowing you, it’s most likely that I don’t know you’re following me. If you let me know, I’ll follow you. Unless of course you happen to break one or more of  the cardinal rules of the katdish courtesy refollow:

1. You’re nekkid in your avatar. That’s all I have to say about that.
2. Your Twitter bio contains the words “Social Media” followed by the words “celebrity” or “rock star”. Um, get over yourself already. I’ve never heard of you.
3. Your last 10 tweets consist of links to your own website and tired old quotes everyone’s already heard.
4. Your tweets are in a language other than English. Sorry. I’m a dumb American. That’s the only language I speak, understand or read.
5. All of your tweets look something like this: *¨* 愛∗¸☀¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*. Am I missing something? What’s up with that?
6. You talk at the twitter, but you never have any conversations with people on the twitter. It’s social media. Be social already. I don’t care who you are, you’re not that big a deal (to me, anyway).
7. You don’t have a bio. Seriously…would it kill you to say 10 words about yourself?
8. You are suffering from hashtagatosis, where you cannot #tweet #anything #without #using #hashtags.
9. You are rabidly opposed to either liberals or conservatives and that’s all you tweet about. I follow liberals, conservatives and everyone in between, but I’m really more interested in what we have in common than what separates us. (End of mini speech.)
10. I’m just not that into you. (This may include, but may not limited to the fact that you use foul language constantly or are overtly sexually suggestive. I’m not the morality police, I just don’t care to see that in my twitter feed. To each his own.)

So, there’s my top ten. Do you have any deal breakers when it comes to the courtesy refollow?

image courtesy of photobucket.com

What is Klout you ask? Good question:

From Wikipedia:

Klout is a San Francisco based company that provides social media analytics that measures a user’s influence across their social network. The analysis is done on data taken from sites such as Twitter and Facebook and measures the size of a person’s network, the content created, and how other people interact with that content.

The scores range from 1 to 100 with higher scores representing a wider and stronger sphere of influence. Klout uses variables on Facebook and Twitter to measure True Reach, Amplification Probability, and Network Score.

True Reach is the size of one’s engaged audience and is based on those of their followers and friends who actively listen and react to messages. Amplification Score is the likelihood that one’s messages will generate actions (retweets, @messages, likes and comments) and is on a scale of 1 to 100. Network score indicates how influential one’s engaged audience is and is also on a scale from 1 to 100. The Klout score is highly correlated to clicks, comments and retweets.

The final Klout Score is a representation of how successful a person is at engaging their audience and how big of an impact their messages have on people. The accuracy of Klout Score has been questioned several times by different researchers however Klout Score is being used by most social media marketers as a barometer of influence.

Klout’s increasing popularity over the past several months and its own influence over high profile people in social media has garnered a typical response from me.

I make fun of it.

A lot:

And because, according to my high-falootin’ Klout score of 60 and my Klout title of Broadcaster (Broadcaster: You broadcast great content that spreads like wildfire. You are an essential information source in your industry. You have a large and diverse audience that values your content.), immediately following my mafia refrigerator tweets, many of my “broadcastees” headed over to Klout to boost influence in both categories:

My inclination to make fun of Klout as a measure of online influence certainly isn’t an original one. Alise Write wrote a great post about her Justin Bieber influence and Naomi De La Torre wrote another about her influence in the categories of Unibrows, Vomit, Tuna, Poop and Placenta. I’m sure many have put their two cents in on the subject.

I think our collective need to make fun of Klout’s measure of influence stems from a common realization:

Because how can anyone tell me with a straight face that they are influential about Christianity, Social Media, Writing, Publishing, whatever when the same brain trust which measured that influence also tells me I’m influential about Cats, Angel Investing, Mafia and Refrigerator?

All I’m saying is this: While I suppose Klout has its place in the narcissistic world of social media, how they measure your influence should have very little to do with how you measure your influence. Heck, maybe even the powers that be at Klout have recognized how inaccurate their influence measurements can be, because my high falootin’ score of 60 on Wednesday morning had taken a substantial nose dive when I checked it on Thursday:

Either that or I have angered the influence gods…

image courtesy of photobucket.com

The latest trend on the twitter seems to be the mass unfollow. I think Chris Brogan started the trend, Michael Hyatt and others followed suit.

Carlos Whittaker wrote a pretty spot-on post about why he’s not unfollowing everyone, so I figured I’d be trendy and give you my take on the whole follow/refollow/unfollow…um…thingy.

Last time I checked, I had 2546 followers on the twitter. Bush league numbers compared to a guy like Michael Hyatt who has over 100,000 followers or LosWhit whose following is just shy of 23,000. I have never used an auto-follow back service, which automatically refollows anyone that follows you. For every new follow notification I receive, I choose to refollow or not based on whether I think the person (and they need to be a real person) would be someone who could add to the conversation–whatever that conversation might be.

Auto-refollow services offer people (especially high profile people) a convenient, hands-off approach to connecting with their followers, and while I don’t anticipate I’ll ever have enough followers to warrant using such a service, even if I did, I wouldn’t.

Why?

Because I think it’s disingenuous.

There’s plenty of spam twitter accounts; plenty of people on Twitter who view follower counts as nothing more than a numbers game.

But there are also real, flesh and blood people on the other side of that tweet.

• There’s a stay-at-home mom whose baby just puked on the last clean shirt she owns.
• A new, struggling writer whose blog is read by 3 people, 2 of which are his mom and dad.
• A lonely, housebound widower who is desperately trying to make human contact with another soul in cyberspace.

All of whom are thrilled to death when someone they admire and respect is actually following THEM on Twitter.

How do you suppose it makes them feel when they are summarily dumped in a massive unfollow?

I assume it makes them realize what they suspected all along:

That they never really mattered in the first place.

And I’d rather let them know that up front instead of letting them believe otherwise until they’re of no use to me anymore.

Like the sign hanging in my daughter’s elementary school hallway says:

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

(Sorry–but I had to get that off my chest.)

While I consider each new follow on an individual basis, I do have some guidelines which help me determine who NOT to refollow. I’ve shared them here before, and here they are again:

image courtesy of photobucket.com

The Top 10 Reasons I didn’t grant you the courtesy refollow:

Generally speaking, if someone follows me on the twitter and they appear to be a real person and not some spambot or online markerter, I will grant the courtesy refollow. By the way, if you are a real person and I’m not refollowing you, it’s most likely that I don’t know you’re following me. If you let me know, I’ll follow you. Unless of course you happen to break one or more of  the cardinal rules of the katdish courtesy refollow:

1. You’re nekkid in your avatar. That’s all I have to say about that.
2. Your Twitter bio contains the words “Social Media” followed by the words “celebrity” or “rock star”. Um, get over yourself already. I’ve never heard of you.
3. Your last 10 tweets consist of links to your own website and tired old quotes everyone’s already heard.
4. Your tweets are in a language other than English. Sorry. I’m a dumb American. That’s the only language I speak, understand or read.
5. All of your tweets look something like this: *¨* 愛∗¸☀¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*. Am I missing something? What’s up with that?
6. You talk at the twitter, but you never have any conversations with people on the twitter. It’s social media. Be social already. I don’t care who you are, you’re not that big a deal (to me, anyway).
7. You don’t have a bio. Seriously…would it kill you to say 10 words about yourself?
8. You are suffering from hashtagatosis, where you cannot #tweet #anything #without #using #hashtags.
9. You are rabidly opposed to either liberals or conservatives and that’s all you tweet about. I follow liberals, conservatives and everyone in between, but I’m really more interested in what we have in common than what separates us. (End of mini speech.)
10. I’m just not that into you. (This may include, but may not limited to the fact that you use foul language constantly or are overtly sexually suggestive. I’m not the morality police, I just don’t care to see that in my twitter feed. To each his own.)

So, there’s my top ten. Do you have any deal breakers when it comes to the courtesy refollow?

I had no intention of watching the Royal Wedding. I just don’t get jazzed up about stuff like that. Pomp and circumstance has its place I suppose, just not at 3:00 a.m. CST.

But as bad luck would have it, I awoke at 3:00 a.m. CST to the sound of the theme song from “Cops” blaring from my television. And since it seems they show the same dumb, drunk criminal lying to the police over and over again on that program, I figured, what the heck? Might as well watch some pomp and circumstance.

And hey, while I’m at it, might as well post some random thoughts on the twitter at the same time:

This is one long wedding. By this time at my wedding I was already @ the reception doing the chicken dance. #royalwedding

I’m guessing they won’t being doing the chicken dance @ this one, though #royalwedding

I’m going to wait until #royalwedding is over before I make fun of the hats, because I’m classy like that.

The people outside look really happy, don’t they? #royalwedding

I wonder if one dry cleaner takes care of all these clergy robes. Bet they’re easy to spot on that automated hanger thingy #royalwedding

Okay, people. Let’s wrap it up. We have another wedding here at 6:00 #royalwedding

So now what? Reception? They look pretty relaxed to me. #royalwedding

Incidentally, I had no intention of watching the #royalwedding. I just woke up too early.

I think it’s interesting that all the women I saw were dressed conservatively (except some hats) & the most lavish costumes worn by men

Can someone tweet a pic of that tan hat that girl was wearing behind the queen, because Dang. What was that thing?#royalwedding

“If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers” – Homer Simpson

Okay seriously...WTH?

@BigMama247 How can you be okay with that hat? I wonder if she’s going to have a picture of the royal couple put in that frame on her head. (in reply to: @katdish Well, better with the hat than with the make-up. And I like anything that is feather-free.)

@BigMama247 There was a copious amount of plumage & flying saucers in attendance.

@agapeguitars @BigMama247 “Do you like my hat?” “No, I do not like your hat.” – Go Dog Go (in reply to: @katdish @BigMama247 Well, I’m not Alise, but I love the hat for its Seussian qualities. That always supersedes good taste IMO.)

@SBeeCreations @agapeguitars mentioned a certain Dr. Seussian quality to it. I tend to agree. (in reply to @katdish @agapeguitars Do you like my hat?)

Getting ready for the next #royalwedding unstated flashy

Perhaps an environmental statement #royalwedding

And floral is appropriate for a spring #royalwedding

"You wanna a piece of me?!?" #royalwedding

So there you have it. I watched the Royal Wedding so you didn’t have to. Sorry/you’re welcome/TTFN!

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Yes, lovely people…

I know it’s been awhile since I posted one of these updates, but I honestly didn’t think I had that many tweets over the past few weeks. That is, until I cut and pasted them all from my profile page into my blog. As usual, I was delusional. I had tweets a-plenty. Hopefully, I whittled them down to a manageable amount here. And I have twitpics!

The best of me (or not) on the Twitter:

katdish.net: from the sublime to the ridiculous (Okay, maybe not so much sublime…)

@fireboy49 I think you can relate almost any life experience to an episode of Seinfeld. (in reply to @fireboy49 @katdish Ah, a fellow Seinfelder.)

@fireboy49 Not that there’s anything wrong with that… (in reply to @fireboy49 @katdish Wow, I have socks just like that! Well, not just like that. I don’t bejewel my socks.)

Just noticed I walked the dog in these flops. I have another pair just like them.

RT @muchl8r What is that wretched smell? Did I step in something? No. That’s what winter smells like….

My son is home sick today. He just called me from his room and asked me to bring him breakfast. Y’all should probably pray for him…

@CassFrear @peterpollock knows he can never really be in trouble w/me because he’s pretty much indispensable.

@dlrayburn Well, hold off on the corner crying. You may do that after I tell you what I think…(in reply to @dlrayburn @katdish If ya got a sec, I would love your input on the color changes. 🙂 RLCBlog.com //If not, I will crawl into a corner and cry.

Getting a pedicure after months w/o one. I think the lady went to the back to find a power sander.

But seriously…there are some TWSS moments that one cannot pass up.

If y’all think I’m inappropriate on twitter, you should see some of my DMs.

My local Kroger has completely rearranged itself. NO ONE consulted me! First PCB, now this…

9YO was watching “Medical mysteries” on TV. She said, “The doctors found a growth in his urinal area”. Snort!

HELLP MEEE!!!

Watching the national news….”I see dumb people…”

Off the grid for awhile. I’ve been given reading orders by @billycoffey, who’s not the boss of me, but I can’t wait to dive into his words.

RT @muchl8r: I still think winter is the stupidest season. My attempt to like it over the past several months has been a sham.

Microwave: 1 Internet Connection: 0

Where is @redclaydiaries? She’s neglecting the virtual world.

@CandySteele Of course I’m mocking you. It’s what I do.

@billycoffey What do you mean survived? I’m delightful. (in reply to @billycoffey @JeanneDamoff Hey Jeanne! Saw that you survived your @katdish encounter.)

“It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way.” – Ernest Hemingway

RT @fishythoughts How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren’t even trying.

Yawn!!!!

Good Morning!

Because everything’s better with more cow bell.

got an email about praise band practice this week. We have a new member sitting in that plays blues guitar. I asked if I could play cow bell

Someone at the car wash has take out food that smells like B.O. At least I hope it’s the food. Dang.

@kelybreez Oh, like I have to fish for compliments. There are perks to being an internet tornado. (in reply to @kelybreez @katdish Pshaw.)

@kelybreez Am not. I happen to think Twitter DOES look fabulous this morning. (in reply to @kelybreez @katdish You’re just fishing for compliments.)

Good morning, Twitter! You’re looking fabulous this morning.

140 character limit holiday tip: The appropriate abbreviation for Valentine’s Day is V-Day. Not “VD”.

I would be offended if it weren’t for the fact that I suck at math. Even 4th grade math.

My daughter (in the 4th grade) has refused my help w/her math homework. Instead she is waiting for her dad to get off the phone to help her.

Because I’m thinking real angels don’t have curly locks and chubby cheeks. If that were the case, why do they always say, “Do not be afraid”

I need to write a post about how bitterly disappointed people w/cherub angel collections are gonna be when they get to heaven.

But in my defense, I got one of those “pass this email on if you love Jesus” emails. I think I’m entitled to rant.

All of my posts are a little ranty lately. I didn’t intend for the one I just wrote to be, just sort of happened.

Pretty excited that Lady Gaga left a spam comment on my blog, and she “harmonizes with my conclusions”. Wicked.

I call this "Dead dog in dead grass" Note: dog isn't really dead, but the grass is.

I will be posting my anti-Valentine’s Day post at midnight. Yes, I’m unromantic and jaded by commercialism.

Nothing I enjoy more than coming home after spending 3 hours in Houston traffic to have my son ask me to take him to the mall.

Who's got the coolest church trailer ever?

Carne asada & cheese enchiladas

Mmmmm....

Taking hubs to get LASIK this afternoon, but first, Mexican Food FTW. @kelybreez

The Donald for president? I just don’t know if I can get behind a guy with a bad combover.

I’m not sure how I feel about The Donald running for president.

@PeterPollock I read it once. Before I threw it with great force against the wall. (in reply to @PeterPollock @katdish Oh yes. You read it to your kids every night… right?)

Who likes the book The Giving Tree? I’m thinking about reposting my version of it.

RT @andylevy This is the worst resignation speech ever. #mubarak

Man, I thought I was stubborn. #mubarak

Uh, oh. This isn’t sounding like a resignation speech so far. #Mubarak

Reuters is reporting that Mubarak will NOT step down. If that’s the case, this will not end well.

@noveldoctor She’s pasted into the wall with her own paper. The design is of life-sized human bodies. She’s never found.

@noveldoctor I’m writing a novel about a wallpaper designer. She dies at the end, because I hate wallpaper.

RT @noveldoctor If your protagonist doesn’t struggle, you’re not writing a novel, you’re designing wallpaper.

Unconfirmed reports say Mubarek will step down via Fox News

“A good writer is basically a story teller. Not a scholar or redeemer of mankind.” ~ Isaac Singer

DH: I’m going to dinner next Wed. I’ll be back Thurs. Me: That’s a long dinner! DH: DENVER! Not dinner. Me: Oh, okay.

A winter haiku: Winter winds they howl/Garbage cans dance in the street/Sure glad they’re not mine.

Favorite pasta salad ever

Or maybe I’m just devastatingly lazy. Yes. Definitely one of those.

Life's too short to chop your own produce

And now, I must go face my arch nemesis: the grocery store.

Dr Pepper plant burning in Grand Prairie, TX. Observing a moment of silence for @marni71

@CandySteele Birds that grow fur? I think those are bats. (in reply to CandySteele @billycoffey We have birds that grow fur. Seriously, that’s what it looks like.)

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Sick kid, sick me, freezing weather and reality television makes for some very grumpy and snarky tweets. But alas, the sun is shining this morning and I’m hoping to get out of this house very soon. Because this update is sadly lacking in twit pics…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

I’m 92% thru Anna Karenina, according to my kindle. Next I think I’ll read something a little lighter. Like the phone book, maybe.

Just saw on the news some folks moved the barriers on an icy overpass. Guess you can’t cure stupid.

The freeway system here is not designed for freezing temps. Accidents everywhere. Stay home if you can.

I wonder if I could make money by offering to not speak at certain public events.

You know, I’ve been doing some research into public speaking. Some folks make some serious cash doing that.

Some spam comments are so polite I’m tempted to approve them. Besides, some of my readers may need to buy discount scooter parts.

Alas, the official email has been sent. No school tomorrow.

I don’t care what the boy says, if I don’t get an official email from the school district, he’s going to school tomorrow.

@tonyjalicea Embrace your inner cranky ho, Tony. It works for me.

My son just came home and announced there was no school tomorrow. I shall wait for official email.

@RaleneB Yes. Can’t be caught in a snowstorm with your roots showing.

@SassafrasHill @Helenatrandom @LizFentonDecker Ding, ding, ding! Correct!

Back from Walmart. Answer the following:

Which aisle was most crowded? A) bread B) milk C) hair color ((hint: I live in Texas)

Okay, people! I’m headed to Walmart. Which should be quite an adventure, what with the ARTIC STORM bearing down on us. Snort!

I need to run some errands before Houston is covered by 1/4″ of snow & grinds to a complete halt.

That last tweet was a little gloat-y, huh? Sorry.

Congrats to @MichelleDeRusha (Told you I know good writers when I read them)

WOOT! >RT @RachelleGardner: Welcome new WordServe client @MichelleDeRusha! Follow her on Twitter & visit her blog: http://bit.ly/h7Gx89

The most amusing thing about getting snow in SE Texas are all the ARTIC BLAST! updates. Chicago is laughing at us.

Weatherman predicting snow today. In Houston. Go figure.

@weightwhat If I ever need a chicken poop fairy, your number’s on speed dial. (in reply to @katdish Are you sure? Because I could totally be your chicken poop fairy. We’ve got plenty here and I’m a giver.)

@CandySteele I definitely do not need a chicken poop fairy. I hate being sick. (in reply to @katdish Ha! I read that as “chicken poop.” Wish you lived closer – I’m on a cooking binge today.)

I need a chicken soup fairy

@karenzach More like Abe Vigoda (in reply to @katdish Not quite Audrey Hepburn this week, heh?)

Sitting here with tissue stuffed in my nose. Lovely.

Wind, rain, cold and no power. Lawsome.

Okay. I think I’m sick. But I’ve got a bottle of cherry flavored Nyquil and I’m not afraid to use it.

Is it okay to use the term “pretentious asshole” in a blog post? Sure hope so.

Let the incessant complaining begin anew >RT @Brian_Russell: I would like to wholeheartedly welcome @the_original_xy back to the internet!

@karenzach I accept your offer. (in reply to karenzach @katdish you best have someone righteous praying for you)

@karenzach Yes. She’s mini me. I pray for her constantly. (in reply to karenzach @katdish like her mama)

@karenzach It was a peach pit. She has a vivid imagination.

@karenzach She almost threw up in the trash can @ the doctor’s office. Later :”There was something in that can. Think it was a heart”

Cold symptoms make me snarky.

@BethLayne Ha! I’m gonna answer “love” next time they ask me “Paper or plastic”. (in reply to BethLayne Love is the answer, no matter the question.)

I’m sure it’s pure coincidence that I’ve been taking care of my sick kid for the past 5 days & I just sneezed 97 times.

I am not getting sick. I am not getting sick…

RT badbanana TWITTER HAS ISSUED A WINTER WHINING WARNING, IN EFFECT UNTIL NOON FRIDAY.

Sweet Fancy Moses. You wouldn’t believe what the stupid crap people will pay for. I think I feel an incessant rant coming on…

Earlier snail tweets brought to you by a book I just read about understanding philosophy thru jokes.

Knock on the door. Woman answers it only to find a snail. She picks it up & throws it across the yard….2 weeks later, another knock at the door. Woman answers to find the snail who says, “What was all that about?”

Time relativity: Snail is mugged by 2 turtles. Police ask what happened. Turtle says, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Bride told the consultant no price limit, finds a $14,000 dress, then asks to try on a $1500 dress. #gratefulInolongerworkretail

This bride wants a Panina wedding gown. I love their sandwiches!

Okay, even tv weddings make me a little verclempt.

@melissa_rae My mom has the good sense to talk about me behind my back. #kidding #sortof

“My daughter’s dress is gaudy because my daughter has gaudy taste.” bride’s mother #notnice

@fireboy49 Save your money. (in reply to fireboy49 @katdish If my daughter watches that show religiously, does that bode well for me?)

Okay. Now the fiance & MIL are now digging thru the dresses. GAAA!

And the fiance & MIL are making fun of the first dress she tried on. Sigh.

Okay, this bride brought her fiancé & her future mother in law to help pick out a dress. Um. No.

Okay. Bride picked the $11,000 dress. Her dad is going to sell his motorcycle so he can pay for it. Hope the groom knows what he’s in for

Okay, the $5000 budget has been broken. $11,000. Redunkulous.

But since I’m already being judgmental, I wonder if these brides have given as much thought to the marriage as they have to the wedding.

See? I told you I shouldn’t be allowed to watch reality TV. I get all judgmental and whatnot.

Father of the bride just told the consultant to forget about the $5000 price limit. These people need to get a grip.

I’m very grateful for my mom. She made my wedding dress & it was amazing. She also let me decide what it should look like.

I should not be allowed to watch reality TV. Watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC….

Follow @mychiapet, because I think we need to encourage all of @weightwhat’s personalities to come out from behind the tree.

@HyacynthW I’ve tried. But Oprah won’t talk my calls. (in reply to HyacynthW @katdish If you feel a connection with someone, ask! I did last summer and it’s been awesome to have her!)

Am I the ONLY PERSON who doesn’t have a mentor? I feel deprived…

I wish I would have known that before I started writing.

I’m of the opinion that many writers write to chase away demons, or at least keep them at bay for awhile.

@Learell Parts? I thought Macbooks were indestructible. Guess I should stop hitting mine w/a hammer.

My daughter sold 6 boxes of girl scout cookies. We’re proud underachievers here.

Not sure if that says something about me or about my readers. Or both.

When I get an idea for a post & then think, “Nah, that’s a really stupid idea” & then write it anyway, those are the most popular.

@RedClayDiaries You missed making my twitter update again. You really should devote more time to social media.

@mmmhmmmheinz I just had this whole heroic knight vibe going on in my head. Nights would be good, but I’m still thinking knights.

@mizweatherby I KNOW! And I had this whole King Arthur’s knights of the round table thing going on in my head. Ruined I tell you!

I just found out the song by The Moody Blues is Nights in White Satin, not KNIGHTS in White Satin, which pretty much ruins it for me.

Lying on the couch reading a book w/this stuck in my armpit.

Awesome Cat

Welcome to the twitter update featuring two weeks of tweets. Sort of a mixed bag of nuts–much like the people I follow on twitter. In this update, you’ll find me on a field trip to the Outdoor Learning Center, in the carpool lane, walking the dog and at Walmart. I found the last tweet (which is the first, since they’re backwards–still with me?) very telling. I sent that tweet out amongst a bunch of tweets blaming the Tea Party and Sarah Palin for the Arizona shootings. I’m not one to tell you “I told you so”. But, I told you so…

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@CandySteele I can’t bear the thought of Awesome Cat being stuffed and on display. (in reply to Candy Steele @katdish Or maybe “awesome cat as an adult?” He has been gone for a long time.)

@gyoung9751 @candysteele speculates it may be Awesome Cat’s mother. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish That photo of the cat – it looked vaguely familiar – like I’ve seen it on a telephone pole)

@gyoung9751 Thanks, Glynn. That should be the alternate title for all my posts. (in reply to gyoung975 1RT @CandySteele: RT @katdish: Good Morning! Greetings from Gourd Land!: http://bit.ly/fRPsBg / alternately titled “Out of her Gourd”)

African Albino Frog: GAAAA!

The only good armadillo is this kind

Here, kitty, kitty!

Greetings from gourd land!

Heading out on a field trip. I will be in charge of the gourd station @ the outdoor learning center. I know. Kind of a big deal…

Dang you, autocorrect! >RT @CandySteele: @billycoffey Good morning, Built!

Starving. Luckily, we’re going out to dinner, so I can save my famous Nothing Au-gratin for another night.

@karenzach Not without some rope and sedatives. (in reply to karenzach @katdish I think we need to adopt @billycoffey as the Honorary CL. Think I can get him to dress in drag?)

@billycoffey They have their moments….(in reply to billycoffey @katdish Whomever said that was very wise. Very wise indeed.)

“You can spray as much air freshener as you like on a pile of crap, it’s still a pile of crap.”-Recent writing advice given by a friend

New at Kirkland's: monk wear!

I wonder if they use free range dog to make this

Coming soon to a landfill near you!

RT badbanana Just had to sharpen a pencil by hand. Thanks for nothing smartphone.

Have you ever been reading someone’s tweet stream & they quote someone U admire immediately followed by someone you don’t? #twitterwhiplash

Sometimes intense debate makes me stabby.

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: Dad just picked The Baby up at school & was told by a dad that the Baby is “the class terror.” THE PRIDE I FEEL!

@buzzbyannies I also have an extended Festivus vacation.

@buzzbyannies I’m my own boss. I always take President’s day off.

@kelybreez Besides, do you know how many 1,000’s of annoying tweets it took me to get that many followers?

Oh please! You cain’t quit me, Kely! >RT @kelybreez: @katdish I truly may unfollow you. I’m beginning to grow a root of bitterness.

@Babybloomr you could even sponsor a couple of people who never talk & still be good.

@Babybloomr Oh, heck. You’re good.

Okay, I think I’ve got my grumpy ho on enough for one evening…

I don’t even care if you don’t talk to me. Just talk to someone for goodness sake.

On my to do list this week: Lay down the unfollow hammer. If you don’t ever talk to anyone on here, I’m going to downsize you.

How does someone get over 100,000 followers when all they tweet are links to quick cash schemes? Lame.

@CandySteele You need to start a new account: Sh*t my Mom says. (in reply to CandySteele Mom-ism of the day: “Don’t give me anything for my bowels. I’ll just make a suppository out of a bar of soap.”)

@JeanneDamoff @karenzach If by “mule-headed” they mean loyal & courageous, then I agree. #DoWeNeedToTakeThisOutside

@karenzach I mentioned to BC that you might be more stubborn than me. He said that was impossible.

@karenzach You already are talking in my head. And you’re arguing with me. (in reply to karenzach @kelybreez @katdish You want me talking in ur head?)

@karenzach I love your writing. I know no one really writes like they talk, but it seems like you’re talking to me when I read your writing.

@karenzach Hey girl! Been reading your book this weekend. Just read the letter you sent to People. Awesome.

RT @unmarketing Don’t try to win over haters. You’re not the Jackass Whisperer.

The entire experience left a bad taste in his mouth, like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. #badmetaphor

Either lots of people schedule their tweets, or there are a significant number of vampires on twitter.

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs” – Stephen King

RT @Learell I live by the rule “never trust a person who throws a bday party for an animal” and it’s never let me down.

Because seriously, sometimes I’ll see something that other people think is good & I’m wondering if I’m looking at the same thing.

Does anyone else ever feel like the child in the crowd who calls out the emperor in “The Emperor’s New Clothes”?

Dear Jesus: If you do send email, would you send my dad one asking him to stop forwarding me these mass emails? Love, Kathy

My dad just forwarded me a mass email w/a subject line which says: If Jesus sent email.

@JCWert SHUT YO MOUTH!

RT @JCWert I think for my 40th birthday today, I’m going to walk around with an MP3 player & speakers playing the theme to Shaft.

Love me some Beck>RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: Big news! Bill has just made me the manager of his art career. Countdown to divorce starts: NOW.

Don't drive angry @buddylovethedog

Baby it's cold outside!

Ha! False alarm. You people w/your jukeboxes on your blogs…

Hark! Do I hear an ice cream truck?

@wai1twit Thanks. I’m a lot like Oprah. And when I say, “I’m a lot like Oprah”, I mean we wear the same size shoe.

Man, I have a lot of smart @$$ followers….Thanks! (in reply to several @ replies where it was suggested that Canadian bacon might be found on pizza in the frozen food section or in the sporting goods section–so thanks for nothing.)

@billycoffey Snort! Like I’m gonna take grocery shopping tips from you, Mr. Applesauce. But thanks anyway. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Look where the eggs are.)

Thank you! @awefullymade

If you were Canadian bacon at Walmart, where might you be?

If the creators of Zumba for xbox’s mission was to make me look like a giant dork in front of my family, mission accomplished.

@shrinkingcamel @mrsmetaphor A murse? That’s way better than what I call it – a man sack.

@shrinkingcamel Oh, Brad. Just be a good husband and hold your wife’s purse. (in reply to shrinkingcamel Help! I’m stuck in Sephora and I can’t get out! (at the mall with my family of girls).

Watching the news concerning the AZ shooting. No word on possible motives, so I’m not going to assume I know one.

Dang. I haven’t done a twitter update since December 17ish. But don’t worry, I didn’t go back that far. I’m sure I probably tweeted something brilliant that could very well solved the economic crisis and end world hunger, but I don’t feel like reading through all those tweets. I just started at January 1. As an added bonus, I’m still trying to figure out this new MacPuter of mine, so most of the conversations I used to know how to cut and paste had to be left on the cutting room floor, thereby making this update make even less sense than it normally does. Sorry/you’re welcome.

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this year:

@PeterPollock You didn’t know @karenzach is an author? She’s kind of a big deal…

Very often, my writing process involves reading a well written book. Reading After the Flag has been Folded by @karenzach

Oh, wait…never mind. I don’t care what other people think. What was I thinking?

I don’t want people to think I copied someone else’s story idea.

Have you ever been working on a story idea only to find someone else just wrote about the same thing? So now what? Do I keep writing?

<——Sucking up dead fire ants with the vacuum cleaner. Jealous much?

Sort of a reddish-brown 5 #lessambitiousbands

Dear Apple Computer Company: Delete and backspace are not the same thing. Learn it. Live it.

@Helenatrandom She says, “Well how much money does dad have?”

Note to self: Cancel Pottery Barn Teen catalog.

8 YO daughter: Guess what??? I found a bedroom set I want & it’s only $3,071! (I’m trying not to laugh)

@amykiane Pesky Ass Clown.

@tonyjalicea That sounds kinda gross to me. Everyone knows you don’t mix red wine w/chocolate. Except the Dutch, apparently.

And he’s be halfway thru the box by now…

I’m pretty sure if they sold katdish voodoo dolls, @peterpollock would buy a case of them.

If your twitter profile begins with the word “Ninja” you don’t really need to include the word “Nerd”. I kinda figured that out on my own.

@awefullymade That actually sounds pretty good. Mmm….polar bear!

@HisFireFly Because writers love to be unhappy.

Theory: Writers are gluttons for punishment.

This confirms my theory>RT @billycoffey: RT @noveldoctor: Pain makes a better writing partner than Contentment. He has a bigger vocabulary.

I’m so hungry I could eat all of @BryanAllain’s “I’m so hungry” tweets.

Deer jerky: not just for breakfast anymore.

Previous tweet brought to you by @muchl8r waxing poetic about the movie Titanic.

“Jack may have mostly froze b4 Rose let him sink to the bottom of the glaciating ocean, but truthfully, he died b/c she was a selfish cow.”

@amykiane Yep. You’re not supposed to disturb the mound when you set out the poison, but I like poking them w/a stick. Makes them mad.

The ants were angry that day my friends…

My work here is done//RT @tonyjalicea: @katdish @sistersadist Haha, I feel so dumb!

@karenzach The teen angst here is palpable.

Sitting at my son’s school remembering how much I hated junior high.

I like that my frozen lean cuisine feels it necessary on the instructions to say “Remove tray from box”

RT @LizFentonDecker: The Under-Graduate #LessAmbitiousFilms

Phantom of the Oprah #LessAmbitiousFilms

West Side Toy Story #LessAmbitiousFilms

Some Like it Not #LessAmbitiousFilms

Saving Ryan Seacrest #LessAmbitiousFilms

@karenzach You know, the katdishionary term for that is “fatassitosis”

The Shiny #LessAmbitiousFilms

V for Velveeta #LessAmbitiousFilms

Raging Bullwinkle #LessAmbitiousFilms

Fried Green Tomatillos #LessAmbitiousFilms

Leaving Las Cruces #LessAmbitiousFilms

Breakfast at Zale’s #LessAmbitiousFilms

RT @RedClayDiaries Reception @LessAmbitiousFilms

The Sound of Muzak #LessAmbitiousFilms

Pulp Historical Fiction #LessAmbitiousFilms

@CandySteele Can I cash in my value? Because we just dropped a load of cash on a computer.

My Twitter value is $678.84, according to http://www.twalue.com … What about yours? #twalue

@justinfalls Unless it’s Chicago deep dish pizza (in Chicago), all pizza falls into the category of “I’m too lazy to cook tonight.”

@justinfalls It was more than I could have hoped for. What do they want me to say?

We ordered pizza. It was delivered. We paid for it and then we ate pizza.

Ordered a pizza online last night. Just received an email “Tell us about your Pizza Hut experience”. Really?

There’s a big difference between knowing about God and knowing God. Knowing about him is academic Knowing him is a life long process.

I’m all about comfort before fashion, but wearing your pajamas to Eyemasters is a bit over the top.

Attack of the fire ants

@shrinkingcamel Well, I like your new avatar. But you’ve lost your status of International man of mystery.

So now I have hundreds of ants crawling around in 2 of 3 bathrooms in our house. That’s kinda special.

The fire ants are back in my house. Bug guy set traps & told me not to spray, just allow them to take the bait back to the queen.

@shrinkingcamel You changed your avatar! So, I’ve gone from wondering “what does Brad look like?” to “where’s the camel?”

RT @fishythoughts “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~Lily Tomlin

Nothing is certain except for death, taxes & Houston road construction.

I may lose weight because of my devastating laziness.

But every time I feel like eating something, I remember that I have to look it up on my iphone, so I just choose not to eat.

As part of an overall plan to be healthier this year, I downloaded an app that tracks calories (my husband has been using it for months).

Okay, seriously. Delete and backspace are not the same thing. #thingsthatbugmeaboutapplecomputers

It doesn’t help to be willing to die for love if you won’t live for it in little ways day by day by day. – @johnortberg

Son: Can I have my allowance from last week? Me: We weren’t here last week. Son: Yeah, & my room stayed clean.

It’s just a computer.

I’m enjoying my new MacBook, but I honestly don’t see why people are so hopelessly devoted to them.

It occurs to me after reading some of my spam comments that English is probably not their first language. Or even their 2nd or 3rd.

RT @fishythoughts: I just read a list of “The 100 things to do before you die”. I’m pretty surprised that ‘yell for help’ wasn’t one of them

RT @shrinkingcamel: My 18 y.o. daughter’s New Year resolution: “that 2011 won’t suck.” I like it. Covers a lot of ground.//I concur.

“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinions of others.” – Virginia Woolf #amwriting

@lewismoats Ah, are you the originator of the Ass Clown tweet?

Then again, @CandySteele’s hashtags were quiet memorable as well…

Most memorable tweet of 2010? “Beware the Ass Clown” @RedClayDiaries

I see a lot of people using one word for 2011, so here’s mine: Strategery

Happy New Year!

And yes, we still have fire ants in our house. Thanks for asking.

Okay, lovely people! Last repost for awhile. Pinky promise! I’ll be back next week with some new stuff. Now, I guess I need to do some writing, huh? Happy New Year!

It’s not you, it’s me.

Okay, that’s not true. It’s totally you. For most of you, it was a simple matter of you not following me back. Now, that’s not to say I follow people simply to be followed back. I actually followed you because either someone in my “friends” column recommended you or someone I follow retweeted something amusing or interesting from you. Or maybe I know of you through your blog or something.

Or maybe you’re in publishing or you’re an agent or a well known author and I thought it would be a good idea to follow you to keep up with the latest goings on in the literary world. But then I figured, I follow plenty of publishers, agents, and well known authors who follow me back. And it’s pretty rare I read something in 140 characters or less that I would put into the category of “life changing”.

I followed a few of you celebrities for a bit. But then I remembered I don’t care what you ate for lunch, where you ate your lunch, who you ate your lunch with, that your new album is selling really well, or that OMG you’re LMAO.

And then there are the “social media experts” who I followed a long time ago before I knew any better. Ah, well. Live and learn.

Here’s the thing about me and the twitter – I actually like having conversations with people. If you’re not following me, how am I supposed to talk to you or give you unsolicited advice about things that are absolutely none of my business?

I’m sure you see my point.

Love,

@katdish

P.S. – Now that I’ve cleaned out my following list, I need some new folks to follow. Gimme some good suggestions, will you please?

Write one little blog post about ugly Christmas sweaters, and tweets and twitpics of ugly Christmas sweaters begin to cover the tweetdeck like cougar moms at a Twilight movie premiere. As many sweater tweets as there are in the following update, that’s not even all of them. In other news, the magic of Festivus is in the air!

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

My daughter just asked Santa to give whatever he was going to bring her to a poor family. Sniff, sniff #proudmama

@tonyjalicea And he sits on a throne of lies! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That’s not Santa! He smells like beef & cheese!)

Who says there's no such thing as Santa?

One politically correct “winter” party down, one Girl Scout Christmas party to go!

Blogger still loading…..

I want to get @helenatrandom a wordpress website for Christmas

@weightwhat No. If it was a taxidermied dog head, then yes. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish That looks like it belongs in the house where your daughter goes for Girl Scouts.)

This would make a perfect gift for someone. Who? I have no idea...

Headed to Hobby Lobby. Because I’m a glutton for punishment.

@beckfromfrogandtoad Your kids have a flair for the dramatic. Wonder where that comes from? (in reply to beckfromfrogandtoad The Baby has a cold & is handling it in her usual understated fashion. “My nose hurts,” she just said. “Take me to the hospital.”)

He also thought the song was about Malcolm X. Which, upon reflection is disturbing on many levels.

My old boyfriend thought the lyrics to this song were "I believe in Malcolm, where ya from, you sexy thing."

Wow. That's quite the ménage right there.

@PeterPollock HA! Cyber fist bump. (in reply to PeterPollock RT @kelybreez: @katdish don’t call me a redneck. Just ’cause 5 sets of 1st cousins in my family married each other… // you can count to 5?)

@kelybreez I’m katdish. That trumps lawyer. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Rest your case? I’m the lawyer! You can’t do that!)

@kelybreez I rest my case

RT @kelybreez: @katdish Hey, yall don’t call me a redneck. Just ’cause 5 sets of 1st cousins in my extended family married each other…

@kelybreez Oh, like people need me to tell them you’re a redneck. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Hey, you didn’t have to retweet that comment. I don’t want people to know I’m a redneck!)

RT @kelybreez: @katdish Very perceptive of you. That’s the music my babies go to sleep with, holding a turkey neck in their little fists.

@kelybreez @dlrayburn So weird…I’m reading your tweets, and in the background I swear I hear banjo music.

@dlrayburn Maybe she’s a sweater… (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish 2 questions came to mind. What happened to safe search and does that really qualify as a sweater?)

@dlrayburn Um…yeah. (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish You’ve seen it too I take it.)

@dlrayburn Did one of the pics involve a reindeer? (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish We were sharing other results from my googling “ugly christmas sweater”)

@dlrayburn LIAR!!! (in reply to dlrayburn RT @katdish: @kelybreez As if I own any ugly Christmas sweaters // I saw her wearing one the other day.)

@kelybreez As if I own any ugly Christmas sweaters (in reply to kelybreez @weightwhat Or we can leave @katdish to molder in her pile of ugly sweaters.)

@Helenatrandom @AmBlessedBeyond and the dang thing was 80 bucks. That won’t even cover the therapy I’m gonna need after seeing it. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish unBELIEVEably!)

Okay, this is just frightening

Okay, disregard previous tweet. I don’t care what your bio says, if your twitter name is @goatjerky, that’s an automatic refollow.

@muchl8r Well, there’s that. And I don’t see you wearing that sweater. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish He’s probably got a whole foot on me, but @dnbroberts just agreed with you…….. :))

Check this out, @muchl8r, he could be your long long twin RT @lesserwhirls: @kelybreez @katdish and so it begins!

@CandySteele Oh, you’d be surprised. He moves pretty fast! Snort! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish That thing would knock BuddyLoves little legs right out from under him. Or give him a concussion.)

Yeah. Me neither…

When walking your dog, have U ever let go of the handle on the retractible leash so it chases after ur dog?

RT @noveldoctor Every time I write, I fall in love with characters who don’t know I exist. Fiction is all about the unrequiteable)

@shrinkingcamel True. And I did so while eating a Blazin Buffalo Ranch Dorito. I’m a multi-tasker. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish you’re no slouch, my dear. Look how fast you responded to that tweet!)

@shrinkingcamel I’m here! (in reply to shrinkingcamel Attention Overachievers: You Have Permission to Let Go: http://t.co/Mbce9fZ (where have all the slouches gone?)

RT @tremendousnews Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson split up just when I made the best couple name for them: Scaryan Johreynoldsson.

(in reply to @buzzbyannies @katdish Today we've had pouring rain, fog, snow and now it's blue skies and sunny. Sounds like your outfit covers all our weather.)

As a sign of solidarity for my friends in cold climates, I’m wearing a sweatshirt w/my jeans & flip flops today.

Guess who has a brother who lives in Hawaii?

RT @billycoffey: @katdish George, Festivus is your heritage – it’s part of who you are. #Festivus

“I got a lot of problems w/you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it. You, Krugar. My son tells me your company stinks!” #Festivus

“At the Festivus dinner, U gather your family around U & tell them all the ways they have disappointed U over the past year.” #Festivus

“A Festivus for the rest of us!” #Festivus

“As I rained blows upon him, I knew there had to be another way…out of that a new holiday was born.” #Festivus

“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I went to reach for the last one they had, but so did another man…” #Festivus

RT @LizFentonDecker: RT @billycoffey @katdish Happy Festivus! – ‘Go get the pole from the crawl space George’

@billycoffey Then, on to the feats of strength.

@billycoffey You too. I’m composing a personal email to you listing all the ways you’ve disappointed me this year.(in reply to billycoffey @katdish Happy Festivus!)

@billycoffey And Merry Christmas!

@billycoffey Oh, shut up. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Good morning, Grinch.)

Clearly not...

Bah humbug…

And FYI? Camel farts are as bad as you might imagine they'd be

Just returned from Journey to Bethlehem. Walking tour w/costumes and live animals.

This goes out to @redclaydiaries, because I know how much she loves shadow Joseph and Mary.

@Helenatrandom I’ve missed you!

@Helenatrandom HELEN!!!!!!!

@dhilliard74 Sweet Fancy Moses! (in reply to dhilliard74 @katdish is this what you were talking about? RT "@Marshmellow84: The hubby getting in the holiday spirit 🙂