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Reindeer, coffee mugs & crimes against fashion

Okay, I realize I usually post my weekly twitter update on Saturdays, but I’m juggling my schedule a bit this month in order to free up some time on the weekends to procrastinate for Christmas shopping for as long as possible. (If you’re new here, the tweets are in backwards order, because I’m lazy like that.)

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@tonyjalicea rudolf

(in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish What’s the theme?)

@louisvillebobby Dude. That’s Santa’s reindeer!

(in reply to louisvillebobby @katdish Ok, the Rudolph tree is cool and I even like Yukon Cornelius but what’s with the wall of death? Lol)

My friend Shara has a themed tree every year

@amysorrells Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

@amysorrells I know @dlrayburn is trying to help, but you should know he’s from Alabama.

@karenzach Shhhhh!!!!! (in reply to karenzach @katdish I thot you were going to confess to killing the Smurffs.)

@karenzach Tee hee! What did you THINK I was gonna write about? (in reply to karenzach @katdish Loved your Xmas sweater piece. Hilarious.)

I absolutely love it when my comments section takes on a life of its own.

@TheMikeEllis That’s what I’m saying (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish @dlrayburn were supposed to lighten their load. Not make it worse.)

RT @PeterPollock @sarahmsalter So @fishythoughts is not a dog? Disappointed. Unfollow.

@BigMama247 Yes. Will the indignities ever end? (in reply to BigMama247 @katdish Is that like giving them muffin stumps?

@themikeellis Just thought you should know that @dlrayburn is advocating giving holiday sweaters to the homeless

@dlrayburn And speaking of crimes against fashion, thanks for changing your avatar.

@dlrayburn Yes, but think of all the crimes against fashion this post might prevent. (in reply to dlrayburn RT @katdish Breaking my silence | //I was so offended and the economy will suffer from this post.)

@kysilka They are, but if coupled with a holiday vest, all bets are off. (in reply to kysilka @katdish What is your take on the holiday turtleneck or long sleeved shirt? It seems to me they are less offensive.)

So, guess where they escaped to in the kitchen? The microwave. Mwha, ha ha!

The exterminator treated the house for fire ants yesterday. He said I might still see a few trying to escape from the poison…

@DougSpur A fruitcake would be wonderful. We are building a bomb shelter and we could use fruitcakes in place of bricks. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish so – guess I’ll return the sweater I got you for Christmas…how about a FRUITCAKE?)

@dutchhillgirl Oh, shut up… (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish What silence?)

@redclaydiaries Of course not! @buddylovethedog has a Santa suit and antlers. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Hey, does your ban on holiday attire extend to dogs? Cuz it sure is tempting to humiliate Scruff w a Santa sweater.)

@amysorrells Yes. That’s going into the katdishionary! Thanks. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I made up a new word, too. Nothing that compares to your original words, but a new word. Just for you.)

RT @TheMikeEllis There is no graceful way to hand a nurse your urine sample

@tonyjalicea Oh, please. Have you seen my giant head in the sidebar? (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish I have to be honest, I’m a little embarrassed by how big my picture is on your post today.)

@kelybreez Sorry, I was confused

@kelybreez Oh, you mean this one?

(in reply to kelybreez @katdish I don’t mean either one of those coffee mugs. I mean the purple/pinkish one. The big one.)

@kelybreez @tonyjalicea I have several

@tonyjalicea @kelybreez which coffee mug?

@dlrayburn So, Dusty – what’s up with the new avatar? You look like there should be a parrot sitting on your shoulder.

@TheMikeEllis Do you want me to offend you personally? Because that’s extra. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish I want an offensive guest post from you for my blog!)

@tonyjalicea I have a Seinfeld episode running thru my head for nearly every life situation. (in reply to tonyjalicea I have a song running through my head for nearly every situation in life. #humanjukebox)

@Peacegardenmama Oh, that’s great! Thanks. (in reply to Peacegardenmama @katdish “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1929-1968)

I’m going to write a post tomorrow that needs to be written. It may offend some people, but I’ve got to take a stand.

@buzzbyannies It’s what we can’t control that worries us. In driving and in life. (in reply to buzzbyannies @Katdish I’m used to this stuff. It’s the other guy I worry about.)

As tempted as I am to jump into #tsptry by quoting lines from Dr. Zhivago, I think I’ll behave myself & call it a night.

@dutchhillgirl You’d think most folks would know that by now, huh? (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish Haha!! Don’t they know you’re ALWAYS right? Even I know that. LOL)

Clearly, this person has no idea who they’re dealing with…

“I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I suggest it to discuss. Write me back in the PM. We will discuss.” ~ spam comment

“I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone’.” ~ Demetri Martin

@sandritaaaaa That’s from a store called Overpriced crap nobody needs. At least that’s what it should be called.


New follow, over 20,000 followers, no bio, & no tweets for 3 months. It’s like the spam mothership.

Wait. Spoke too soon.

Ah, diversity!


Have a crabby Christmas!

Trees in every flavor

Off to Garden Ridge Pottery to get a Christmas tree 50%-75% off. Which I’m pretty sure is gonna get ugly…

Warning: random vacation photos ahead

Since I was unable to post my usual twitter update last week, this is a very edited (believe or not) of 2 weeks worth of tweets, much of it consisting of my 9 hour car ride from Texas to Alabama. It probably won’t take you 9 hours to read. It will just seem that way. (As always, there in backwards order. So if you want them to make sense, read from the bottom to the top. Okay, they still probably won’t make much sense…)

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter for the past 2 weeks:

Okay, people. I’m off to read a book about writing which will specifically point to all the ways what I wrote yesterday was garbage.

@karenzach Ugh. So long self-esteem! It’s been fun. (in reply to karenzach @katdish That dog is out now. They’ll be no leashing her.)

@JCWert Yes, please. I think I’ve been feeling entirely too good about myself. (in reply to JCWert @katdish That’s why I’m here. 🙂 Shall I comment on something else? Your hair perhaps?)

@karenzach Sigh…so it was always there, I just needed to release it? Bummer. (in reply to karenzach @katdish No. The insecurity comes first. That’s why you write.)

@JCWert Gee, Thanks, Jason. That makes me feel so much better. (in reply to JCWert @katdish It’s just you.)

Does consistent writing make you insecure, or is it just me?

Wrote over 1000 words yesterday. Just read them again & I’m wondering what I was thinking. Ugh!

RT @TheMikeEllis Hug the hopeless. Love the lonely. Treasure the terminal. Forgive the fallen. Encourage the empty

Son: Oh, I have breakfast there too. Me: So what you eat here is pre-breakfast? No more breakfast at school. Sheesh

Me: Your lunch account us empty. What are you eating for lunch? Son: Just the regular lunch. Me: Then where’s all the money I just put in?

@redclaydiaries I’m building the neck stabbing. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Not stabbed in the neck? I’m surprised at you.)

@ExpeditionNovel You are so wise, Richard. Or a really good guesser. (in reply to ExpeditionNovel @katdish My guess would have been over 1007 but less than 1009.)

But I’ve got the beginnings of a story. I think it’s a good one. Someone gets punched in the jaw in the 1st chapter. FTW!

Okay, I’ll tell you. 1008. I’m pretty pleased with that. Even though I’m going to rewrite everything I wrote because I don’t like it.

@pauharri Ten???? Hmph

Guess how many words I wrote today? Go ahead, guess…

@anahid02 Clearly you THINK you like them. You’re just remembering wrong. (in reply to anahid02 @katdish I actually like Cadbury Creme Eggs…haven’t had any in a long time though.)

Seriously, what IS that stuff in the middle? It’s horrible.

So, since I have so much influence in these categories, I would just like to say, Cadbury Creme Eggs are disgusting.

Just checked my klout score. The topics I influence are: writing, publishing, authors, novels & Cadbury Creme Eggs

Beautiness – yet another new word I learned today. Spam comments are so educational.

At night all those inflatable Christmas decorations may look like a winter wonderland, but by day you just have a bunch of crap in your yard

Tomorrow, I’ll be posting a story of 2 blue herons & the political ramifications of said birds. Yeah, perhaps I need to get back on my meds

@tonyjalicea Now see? I knew you would get that reference! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Stuart Smalley! #dailyaffirmation)

@tonyjalicea You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it! People like you! (in reply to tonyjalicea Sometimes I think I’m my biggest fan. I’m okay with that.)

Because I’d hate to think I squeezed into my jeep for nothing

I hope this person had plenty of room to get out of their car

I wonder if this involves mirrors and large binder clips.

Behold! Whoville at night!

My neighbors front yard. Also affectionately referred to as Whoville.

@BigMama247 Snort! I’m gonna steal that line! (in reply to BigMama247 @katdish Oh, that’s what I’ve got on the stove too! If I call cereal for supper “whimsical” that makes it okay, right?)

I really should have planned something for dinner besides my famous Nothing Au Gratin

Is there any lower form of reality television than televising small claims court?

@tonyjalicea Snort! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That would be my loaf, thank you very much!)

@tonyjalicea Someone always brings a loaf of bread. That always cracked me up. (in reply to tonyjalicea It says a lot about people’s cooking ability at work when the best food at the potluck is store bought. #nothankyou)

K-mart smart, that is. Guess I’m not k-mart smart.

“There’s smart, then there’s K-mart smart.” If someone told me I was K-mart I’m not sure I would take that as a compliment.

If by “Eco friendly” they mean “Leaves dirt on clothes”, then yes, this detergent is Eco friendly

If I played 4-square, I would give you my home address & tell you I was finally home. But why would I tell 2000+ people where I live?

They say most traffic fatalities occur within a few miles of home. Wonder if that includes homicides. #Getmeoutofthiscarnow

The nice lady we rented the beach cottage from just sent me a sweet email chock full of emoticons, clearly unaware of my emoticonophobia

@MichaelDPerkins I’m not sure anyone could rock the Christmas sweater vest, not even @br8kthru (in reply to MichaelDPerkins @katdish is it a sweater vest? If so @br8kthru may have to step up his game.)

I somehow managed to take a pic of myself upside down. My eyebrows look weird.

@TheMikeEllis Solidarity, bro. Me too. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish hey, hate me some Christmas sweaters.)

I’ll miss this

@kyrstind I tend to cut lite up tie guy some slack, cuz his wife probably bought it for him. His wife w/the matching sweater. (in reply to kyrstind @katdish LOL A middle-aged man with a light-up reindeer tie? Totally saw one at Wal-Mart the other day. Lite up & sang. Lol)

@kyrstind Is there anything sadder than a middle aged woman with a lite up reindeer sweater? Me thinks not. (in reply to kyrstind Not only 1 who does this? YES!)

First Christmas sweater sighting of the year. Let the season of secret sweater mocking begin! Mwha-ha-ha!

@redclaydiaries snort! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Steph’s not here, man.)

@redclaydiaries You malled AND decorated? Who are you & what have you done w/Steph? (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Yes, we malled, we ate, we decorated, we ate, we… ate… That’s about it.)

@gyoung9751 I bet you’ve read more books than I’ve had hot meals, Glynn. (in reply to gyoung9751

@PeterPollock @katdish Hey! I read War and Peace — a long time ago, yes, but I read it. Abridged and unabridged editions.)

@muchl8r But you finished it. Quite an accomplishment. I read Gone with the Wind just so I could say I read it, but I’m glad I did. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish I needed note cards to keep track of everyone, and I’ll admit that it was an entirely pretentious endeavor :))

@muchl8r I think you’re the only person I know that’s actually read War and Peace. Even though lots of folks say they have (in reply to muchl8r @katdish Kathy, I didn’t know you could score any more points in my book, but you just did. #ILOVETOLSTOY)

I love my kindle, but there’s something about an old book that draws me in.

“The sea was angry that day, my friend.” – George Costanza (cold front coming in)

Good morning! Who’s ready for Black Friday? Or what I like to call “losing your faith in humanity”.

Said pajama pants are B&W MC Hammer pants, BTW…

My sister is wearing pajama pants she’s had since 1985. Don’t know if I should be impressed or embarrassed. Both?



Happy belated Thanksgiving Canada!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

And if by chance I’m killed in my sleep by the drunk hillbillies next door, I want you to know I’ll miss you all!

Staying at a very quaint and secluded cottage on the bay…

Just in time to see the sunset over the bay



My dog, @buddylovethedog has marked the state of Louisiana 3 times. On to Mississippi!

The mighty Mississippi

Gator country

Obscene amounts of Chex Mix: Don’t leave home without it.

It’s a dog’s life.

Hello Louisiana! It’s been awhile!

Today, I am thankful for a DVD player in the car and 2 sets of headphones

Leaving the big city behind for awhile.

Heading east to Gulf Shores, AL this morning. Hope you all have a very wonderful Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to sink my feet in the sand!

@marni71 Chicken Soup for the Soul, Lower Back Pain. Wow, what’s next–a Chicken Soup book for the hemmorhoid sufferer?

@weightwhat He’s no Awesome Cat.

Okay, this made me laugh.

Dear people who send me emails, If U want me NOT to read ur email, make the subject line: MUST READ
NOW. Cuz you’re not the boss of me.

@TchrEric Oh, not just on Twitter… (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Because you are the most opinionated person on Twitter?)

@JCWert Got 2 bags of Snyder’s! What are Arnold Palmers? I assume you’re not eating the golfer. (in reply to JCWert @katdish Travel food? Arnold Palmers, Swedish Fish, Snyder’s of Hanover pretzels)

Also, I would like to give @tremendousnews credit for coining the phrase “devastating laziness”, even tho he never talks to me anymore.

@Brian_Russell Brian, you’re on probation for RTing someone else’s good morning. That’s just devastating laziness right there

Walmart greeter just said, Good morning, young lady!” Which I suppose is a relative term b/c I think he’s about 126 yrs old

Because when I’m talking to myself, I like to know I have an audience.

I’m thinking not many. Sorry, I don’t get “scheduled tweets”

I wonder how many people tweeting quotes are actually on the twitter.

Think before you tweet

this sign is in my office

You know, I’ve said some pretty outrageous things on the twitter. Okay, I’ve said some pretty outrageous things period. I’ve had to eat some crow and make some humbling apologies because I said or wrote something without thinking. Believe it not, it is never my goal to intentionally insult or hurt anyone, so when I read a tweet earlier this week that made a flippant, derogatory statement about an entire denomination, it irked me. Big time. That’s what my tweet, “I love the twitter, but sometimes I read people’s tweets and think, “Why would you tweet something like that? You can’t take it back”, was all about. And no, I’m not going to tell you who tweeted it. Like I said, that’s not how I roll. But I guess I’m not the only one who feels the same way, because that statement was RTed quite a bit. (Stepping off my twitter soapbox.)

Looking back on the week, I guess I was a grumpy ho more times than not. But I’m feeling much better now…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@kelybreez That’s the crappiest house they have here. You made the katdishionary, btw. (in reply to @kelybreez @katdish You’re getting warmer!)

@kelybreez You mean like this?
(in reply to kelybreez @katdish That’s cool! But in reality his house was older, smaller, and on the edge of delapidation!)

Hey, @kelybreez this makes me think of PawPaw’s house

Our summer place

Hey look!

Okay, lovely people. Off to the George Ranch. Have a great day!

@SarahBostAskins Or letting the it free from the valise (in reply to SarahBostAskins @katdish I love spam comments that are so poorly written or just plain funny sometimes but I guess I am letting the cat out of the bag here

I have no idea what that means, but I found it highly amusing.

“I would like to comprehensible you for some of my website that can let the cat free from the valise.” ~ spam comment

@TheMikeEllis Seriously…I crack me up.

@TheMikeEllis My tweets seem much more amusing when you tweet them. (in reply to TheMikeEllis My entire neighborhood is having a garage sale. I’m in second hand crap hell. @katdish)

@ExpeditionNovel I wonder if tweets might apply. I know that @badbanana’s tweets are often “recycled” by others.

I think that’s called “theft of intellectual property”. But I could be wrong.

If you tweet something someone else says (especially a well known quote) you really should credit its author.

I’m sort of grumpy this afternoon, so forgive me for complaining…BUT

Just when I thought no one character could annoy me more than Ryan, along comes Gabe #theoffice

#theoffice is the only show I’ve watched that has made me laugh & cringe simultaneously.

TSA Screener: If you’d like a private screening we can make that available to you.

Passenger: We can do that out here, but if you touch my junk I’m going to have you arrested.

Nice, Doug >RT @DougSpur: The best vitamin for making friends….. B1.

@MichaelDPerkins @JCWert Oh, it’s always my fault.

I’m a big fan of clever word play. This would not be one of those instances

Love that >RT @jeffreypjacobs: All I can say is, “in a world that needs more dancing, she’s still a hula girl at heart”.

@weightwhat Of course not! With you, I know what to expect. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Are you talking about my tweets again?)

@PeterPollock Now see? I love those kind of tweets. (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I’m in love with my wife!!! (and I’m not taking that back!)

I love the twitter, but sometimes I read people’s tweets and think, “Why would you tweet something like that? You can’t take it back.”

“Carry something really unreasonable in ur pants, like raw biscuits. Assert ur rights to carry raw biscuits in your pants…loudly.”@MattTCoNP

@tonyjalicea Why thank you, Tony. I think. (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Kathy, you are one of the most worthful people I know.)

@weightwhat I got 450 spam comments yesterday. They were delicious.

“I am not a usual commenter, but I was not able to ignore something so worthful.” – spam comment

@jpwire I wore flip flops to the bus stop. It’s my way of giving winter the middle finger. But it’s in the 50s here, not that cold.

@curtharding Solidarity, brother. Me either. (in reply to curtharding I know it’s harmless, but it still feels good to say I have never watched a moment of Dancing with the Stars.)

@Brian_Russell @gyoung9751 That might be a first. A katdishionary term with 2 definitions.

@gyoung9751 @Brian_Russell – now see? That’s why you need to give me a definition. B/C Glynn’s interpretation is different.

@Brian_Russell I like that. Makes me sound smart. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish The most obvious would be a mash-up: “Hectelegance”)

@Brian_Russell Figure that one out and I’ll put it in the katdishionary. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish See? But it sounds bad. You need something a bit more elegant… Some form of hectic elegance.)

@Brian_Russell Hectic? Yeah, I can see that. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish You know, I don’t think they are… I thought hectic, but that has a negative connotation.)

@Brian_Russell Oh, okay. Zany, huh? Are the kids still using that word these days? Snort (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Like, zany)

@Brian_Russell And by “Russell” I mean “Brian”. Snort!

@Brian_Russell Thanks, Russell. What SHOULD I refer to my blog as? (in reply to Brian_Russell If you somehow aren’t following @katdish, please do. She’s awesome and still refers to her blog as her “wordpress blog”. #blogger)

@tonyjalicea Okay. You just won my “favorite person of the day” award for leaving a comment as “Joe”.

I’ve noticed that lots of folks whose name begins with “J” comment on my blog. So if your name starts w “J”, you’ll probably dig my blog.

@TheMikeEllis Ah, yes. If you consider tee shirt, levis and flip flops snappy, then you’re welcome. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish for being a snappy dresser?)

@TheMikeEllis You’re welcome (not sure for what, but still)

@angiemizzell Ha! I mean…sorry about that. (in reply to angiemizzell @katdish They do fly, actually. People take out our trash can all the time.)

I restrained myself, of course. I’m disciplined like that.

It’s garbage day. Just drove down the street & had the overwhelming desire to take out some trash cans. Bet those plastic ones really fly!

@kelybreez Not from me, of course. But still…

@kelybreez Spam bots need love too, Kely.

The universal dog greeting

“Peanut butter fills the cracks in my heart” – Paul Blart, mall cop (via @fatcatdaddy)

@karenzach Dude…now you’re just trying to get me in trouble. (in reply to karenzach @katdish R u just going to sit by and let him bilk the masses?)

@karenzach Thought so. (in reply to karenzach @katdish Absolutely.)

RT @Helenatrandom Time to go to Costco. Not as much of a “fashion parade” as Wal Mart, but it’s something….

@karenzach You’re trying to bait me, aren’t you? (in reply to karenzach Oh, goody. Joel Osteen has a new book out just in time for Christmas. Let me run right out to WalMart and get a copy.)

Heard on the morning news: Man proposes to girlfriend. Girlfriend says no. Man tries to kill girlfriend. No means no, dude.

@dutchhillgirl Thanks. As to questions #12 & #13, he deserved to be called a jerk. He dropped the F-bomb on his grandmother.

Wow…Clearly this cat is related to Awesome Cat:

@billycoffey Thanks. You did pretty well on the quiz about Billy Coffey. You only missed one.

Speaking of follow-backs, I don’t care how many followers u have, if u never talk to anyone don’t expect a refollow. Social media, people!

RT @EssOosh A Vending maching that uses facial recognition technology to recommend drinks. These Japanese are bored now.

And you know I wouldn’t recommend something if I didn’t believe in it. @peterpollock

This is who I use>RT @PeterPollock: Looking for a cost effective, friendly webhost with personal service? Then check out

My dog @buddylovethedog eagerly awaits company

After hearing a great sermon today, it occurs to me that many who liken themselves to Job are much more like Jonah.

Dear GPS, Thanks for taking me down the road of 1000 red lights. Next time I’m using Mapquest.

Off to a mini Dishman family reunion. Should be fun. And loud.

Awesome! Is that cotton? >RT @okiewife: @katdish some additional fall colors from OK

Thanks, y’all. Gotta finish up this post. TTFN.

Who needs google when I have the twitter?

And by “grammar nerds” I mean “dynamic wordsmiths”, of course…

Hey grammar nerds! Is it “profound effect” or “profound affect”. I always get those confused.

The return of Steph @redclaydiaries

For those of you keeping score at home, I’ve been posting these twitter updates for almost 2 years. Of the 70 updates I’ve posted, my friend Steph has been missing from roughly one of them. Which, of course, she complained about. So this week I’m happy to report that Steph is back in the update. In other news, according to Yahoo Answers, a Jedi lite saber can, in fact, cut through Superman.

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Okay, gotta go refill my wastebasket with coffee @kelybreez

@jpwire Oh, I’m warped for a whole host of reasons. Pin cushions filled w/human hair is just one of them. (in reply to jpwire @katdish kinda creepy. no wonder you are warped. :))

@jpwire She says it keeps the needles sharp. Worst part? That pin cushion is 40 yrs old. That’s some old hair (in reply to jpwire @katdish That’s awesome. especially if it was hair from her victims. LOL)

@jpwire I should write a horror story post about the pin cushion my mom has stuffed with HUMAN HAIR. (in reply to jpwire @katdish I can’t either. but I found I’m lethal with a needle and pin cushion.)

@jpwire Except that I can’t sew… (in reply to jpwire @katdish I think you would be great addition to the sewing circle. :))

Snort! >RT @kelybreez: Today, I’m gonna #FF @katdish, because hardly anybody knows her.

@kelybreez Dude. That’s my coffee! (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Oh, my goodness, when I woke up this morning I was wondering, Whose gonna post a picture of a wastebasket today? Now I know.) Morning all!

@br8kthru It’s my deep, abiding dysfunctional respect for your goofiness (in reply to br8kthru @katdish now it makes sense why you ignore me for long stretches. :))

@kelybreez Are you vying for 2 entries into the katdishionary? (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Really? I was just about to say you were awesomischievouliscious.)

My FB friend Hazel Moon just called me “awesomely mischievous”. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s told me all day.

@br8kthru You know, Jason. You’re like the pesky little brother I never had (in reply to br8kthru @katdish if I’m a ‘boy’ then how do I ‘man up’ -you speak in riddles and mysteries…)

@br8kthru Man up, sweater vest boy. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish *rolling eyes* I should have known better than to try to get sympathy from you.)

@br8kthru Wait…Lemme pull out my tiny violin… (in reply to br8kthru @katdish if you had to deal with all I do, you’d cope by being a goofball too :))

@br8kthru You’re such a goofball…

@tonyjalicea There’s no “I” in Team, but there is a “me”. ( in reply to tonyjalicea For the record, there is no “l” in both. Thank you. Your welcome.)

50 Yahoo answer fails (via @weirdnews) “Can a Jedi lite saber cut thru Superman?”

@Learell Oh, I despise the Cowboys. (in reply to Learell @katdish like the cowboys?)

@kelybreez He’s dead to me. He disrespected Texas.

My 13 YO son keeps changing my radio from rock to 40s big band music. What alternate universe am I living in?

@kelybreez Rantpiling? That may be one for the katdishionary (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Yes. But not rantpiling. It stops you up.)

@kelybreez I’ll have you know that my blood pressure is very low. Ranting is good for the soul if done correctly. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish It’s a commonly known fact that rantpiling causes high blood pressure. And in rare cases is communicable.)

@kelybreez I think I’m going to have to start stockpiling ranting posts, because I could rant about lots of stuff lately.

“Art is the symbol of the two most noblest human efforts: to construct & to refrain from destruction.” ~ Evelyn Waugh

@PeterPollock I’m sure this kind of thing happens all the time. Especially in the Houston area…

@PeterPollock & I just happened to be next to the Christmas table when I reached this decision…

@PeterPollock Yes, that’s what they told me. But if I was walking around w/a stack of books & changed my mind about buying them… (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish Where books go in a store is set corporately, months in advance. Most stores don’t get to pick what goes where.)

Note to self: Next time don’t ask. Just do.

I asked them to move it to the Christmas book table, they said they couldn’t.

Went to Barnes & Noble today. #SnowDayBook was on the 3rd row in the “new fiction” section.

@weightwhat I do, don’t I? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish You take all the best field trips.)

“That’s weird. Never seen an urinal in the Ladies Room before. Wait! I’m in the MENS room!” – Me

@kelybreez Well, you’re the lawyer. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish kat. You’re ridiculous. This clearly means you can put your car here IF your child is the one parking the car. Get a grip.)

This is why I don’t signs like this. They give people an excuse to find a loophole instead of just doing the right thing. Technically, I am a customer w/children, even though they’re in school. So I could park here.

@KathleenOverby sorry/you’re welcome (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish Yes, of course it would you brutal truth teller. This is why I asked. I KNEW your answer and needed it to stop my folly. groan.)

@KathleenOverby Why? Won’t that distract from what you’re creating on the table? (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish no sun, moon, stars, or paisley designs before I seal it? :))

@KathleenOverby Sand it, paint it again, then put a sealer on it. (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish wish you were here to help me paint the ping pong table, which is really my craft table. I put red on for the base. Now what?) Change of plans. Think I’m gonna drive around & remember my misspent youth for awhile.

Singing obnoxiously loud (in harmony, no less.)

Dang! Anyone remember this one?

Well, except my mom. But she’s just stubborn that way.

My home phone number has become the equivalent to the spam filter on my website. People I need to talk to call my cell phone.

Thinking about writing another “Why I hate writing post” for all you masochistic writers out there.

@SBeeCreations SPACE: Sort, Purge, Access, Containerize, and then something that starts with “E”

@SBeeCreations It says to organize like a kindergarten classroom. Have zones for everything…

@SBeeCreations I’m not much at organizing, but there’s a great book I read that makes sense. Gonna try & find it on Amazon.

@redclaydiaries Snort! ( in reply to redclaydiaries: @katdish Oooh ooh! I’ve got one! For about a year, Charlie asked me to handle bill paying…
C: Steph, why was the electric bill $200 last month?
Me: I don’t know.
C: Was it 2 mos worth?
Me: I don’t know
C: How do u not know? U wrote the check YESTERDAY.
Me: (bats eyelashes)

@redclaydiaries R: How much did you pay for those green beans?
Me: Um, what would be a good price for green beans?
R: 50 cents a can.
Me: Um, yeah. I think that’s what I paid for them.
R: You have no idea do you?
Me: (bats eyelashes)

@redclaydiaries Ooo! Like mine, too. Because she would take the time to clip coupons & stuff (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Good point. Yes, a wife with a personality like my husband’s.)

@redclaydiaries Let’s just lay our cards out on the table shall we? Someone who will cook, clean, shop & babysit. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Can they also do laundry? Then I’m all up in that.)

@SBeeCreations No dollar range. What’s something you do that you would pay someone to do?

(That’s one extravagance, right? b/c the cook & shopper would be the same person. He or she would also plan meals & clean the kitchen)

Me? A full time cook and grocery shopper.

If you were to allow yourself one big extravagance, what would it be? This is a DVD made for children? GAAA!

Subbed in the toddler class at church today & faced my fear of puppets head on.

@karenzach That’s really nice of you. Kids over 12 in my neighborhood received candy & judgmental stares (in reply to karenzach @katdish We gave out $75 worth of candy and 40 books. We get 400-500 every year. Those over 12 get books)

The great thing about this dog bed is that no matter how often you wash it, it’s still disgusting.

Don’t mess with Texas

Last week I mentioned I had an interesting conversation on the twitter that would have to wait until this week, and while it is not here in its entirety, I think there’s enough here that you’ll get the gist of it, which is this:
Don’t be talking smack to me about Texas.
Especially if you’ve never been here. And no, I’m not kidding. Not even a little bit. We’re proud of our state, and for good reason, just as I’m sure (I’m hoping) that you have pride in your own state. Nuff said. (Folks from Oklahoma are exempt from this rule, but we have a mutual understanding about making fun of each other’s states.)

In other news, I took a little heat for humiliating my dog, but I think he actually enjoyed being dressed like a chicken. Okay, maybe not. But I sure got a kick out of it!

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@ServingStrong Very true. (in reply to ServingStrong What a profound statement for all of us to say!)

@edcyzewski Not so much, no. (in reply to edcyzewski @katdish No self esteem issues I see…

Being me has its perks.

This particular copy will be personally autographed by @billycoffey. Details on Monday at

There have been several great giveaways for @billycoffey’s #snowdaybook so far. And I will be giving away one, too.

@tonyjalicea It’s funny and punny.

@tonyjalicea Luuuuuke! I am your fodder! (in reply to tonyjalicea Fodder is a funny word.)

@TheMikeEllis You are correct. As I have an overwhelming desire to bury turds. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish doesn’t play well in sandbox)

@TheMikeEllis Thanks. And good call, as I am freakishly strong for a girl. (in reply to TheMikeEllis The Christ following chick I’d take into a bar fight is @katdish #ff)

RT @TPO_Hisself: Biden: Just because the Recovery Act was a monumental failure, does not mean that it is not a huge success.//Snort!

I’m synching my iPhone to my computer. Whatever that means.

@RachelleGardner I can live with that. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish Okay then, you’ be terrible at the “would you rather” game my kids like to play. 🙂 Refusing to choose is cheating!)

@RachelleGardner I don’t wanna. Besides, writers should concentrate on writing & let folks like us make them famous. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish The point of this game is to CHOOSE! :-))

I choose both>RT @RachelleGardner: Writers — what if you had to choose between financial success or critical acclaim?

@kelybreez But there will always be a demand for a good story. Always.

@kelybreez The reality of publishing is that it is a for profit business. Marginal books sell b/c they’re written by famous people.

@sarahmsalter I’m really looking forward to old age. I’ll be that crazy old lady at family gatherings that everyone just smiles politely at.

@billycoffey You need to stop being sick. You’re no good to me dead.

@sarahmsalter Is your grand daddy Yogi Berra? Snort! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Yep. He also said, “It’ll quit hurting when it stops.” And “always keep your tail behind you.” 🙂 #homespunwisdom)

@tonyjalicea Ha! You’re the only one. (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish I totally retained my man card today.)

@Helenatrandom Scandalous! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I had a crush on Mr. Rogers. I told a Nun I worked with about it as an adult. She was shocked, since he is a Presbyterian! SNORT)

@CandySteele Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

@CandySteele Do you know what’s more annoying that Happy Meal toys? Adults who collect them & sell them on ebay.

@MichaelDPerkins Thanks Michael. You’re being awfully nice today. Do you owe me money? (in reply to MichaelDPerkins If you want to learn how to write better then start reading @gyoung9751 @katdish @gritandglory All are ridiculously good.)

@kelybreez I would, but it’s already sopping wet with your man-tears (in reply to kelybreez I use my man card to wipe my tears.)

@br8kthru Yeah. And some serious man-card violations. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish I know! Lots of eye-opening comments though. :))

@br8kthru You’re welcome. Who knew your post would be such a cry fest?

@jewda4 Yeah, way to kick a kid when he’s down. (in reply to jewda4 @katdish yeah, and that cuts deep. I don’t live there, and I’m hurting for my fellow fatties.)

So, basically they’re saying, “Hey fat kid! No toys for you!”

Deep, breathy sigh…SF area McDonalds may disallow toys in Happy Meals if fat & calorie counts are too high to help curb childhood obesity.

RT @br8kthru: Top 5 Cartoon Criers- go ahead & weigh in w/ your thoughts! @dlrayburn broke spades w/Barbie

Is it just me, or is Chris Matthews of MSNBC a grumpy ho?

@TheMikeEllis Nah. If you give me any trouble I’ll send the @billycoffey mafia after you. Great to talk to you. (in reply to TheMikeEllis I feel very important. I just got off the phone with @katdish She is currently changing her number.)

End of mini rant.

The government needs to get the hell out of the way and let people work without getting taxed out of business.

I guess my main disagreement with current leadership is their belief that the government needs to create jobs.

And since when do snowman have teeth? What kind of nightmare decor company comes up w/this stuff?

GAAA! Scary elf.

Aaaand done. Except for stapling the top, which somebody else can do.

@Helenatrandom Of course. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish HEY!! I saw a cute little Alice in Wonderland teapot in their flyer that I was thinking of getting.. (but only if it is functional)

@weightwhat you have my Chicago address, right? C/O @Helenatrandom? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish I went to Tuesday Morning today. Saw lots of crap. Be expecting a large package soon.)

Stock up and save! This one’s on clearance. Can’t imagine why it didn’t sell.

@weightwhat why didn’t I think of that? You should be my wingman in Houston traffic. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should have just parked on top of them.)

This is Texas. Get a gas guzzling SUV for crying out loud.

Silly little matchbox cars. They should make them park 2 to a space. I thought I had a parking space twice, but I just couldn’t see them.

The non virtual world needs me. TTFN.

@CandySteele Or blue?

@CandySteele What about green?

@CandySteele Oh-Em-Gee. Check this out: I stripped that paper for a client last year. Same monster flower family.

(in reply to CandySteele @katdish This paper was the it’s day. Yes, rugly. No other colors #shutup)

@billycoffey Snort! (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’re awful.)

@billycoffey HA! You said duty… (in reply to billycoffey Good morning, folks. Don’t forget to vote today. It’s not just a duty, it’s a privilege.)

Just woke up from a 14 hour Benedryl induced nap. Good morning!

Can a person sneeze to death? Is that possible?

@mabeswife I’ve sneezed approx 100 times this morning. Stupid weather.

Candy inspection time. I must remove all questionable treats & those I happen to really like

@CandySteele I’m thinking taco. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Did Buddy Love get his dignity back? Next year you may as well make him a green pig totally shatter his ego.)

@weightwhat Nah. He LOVES that costume. Can’t you tell? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Did you find poo in your shoes this morning?)

@muchl8r Yes. Also? He’s a dog. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish I want to feel bad for your dog, but people do that to their kids, too so whatever)

@SBeeCreations Had to take him inside. The barking chicken was scaring the little kids.

@TheMikeEllis Hey. You’re not the boss of me. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish hey hush up.)

@LizFentonDecker Ooo! You know what? If he comes back, I’m giving him a rock! (in reply to LizFentonDecker ‘All I got was a rock!’)

@kelybreez Yes. Hush, hush. Voices carry. Story of my life. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Voices Carry. Anyone remember that song by Til Tuesday?)

Accepting his fate

Per @CandySteele’s request

@CandySteele flip flops, jeans and a black shirt. I’m going subtle. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Whatchya wearing?)

But come on–a 50 something bald guy dressed as Charlie Brown? That’s funny right there.

Just been told I need to keep my costume editorials myself because apparently, my voice carries.

Sitting on the driveway waiting on the onslaught of trick or treaters.

@mayaREguru Oh, ponies are okay. (in reply to mayaREguru @katdish what if I send you a pony? :D)

If you send me ad links you will be reported as spam. Have a nice day.

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak out and remove all doubt.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

@Helenatrandom That’s what I was thinking! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Perfect! A snuggie to match my undies!)

@weightwhat No snuggie for me, but I think I found one for @Helenatrandom

@duane_scott Yes. I’m sure your 100 lb. bag was way over the limit. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish yes. I’m sure. I once tried to go to TEXAS, but I didn’t arrive at the border with a 50 lb. bag of ego so I was sent back.)

@duane_scott Now see, if you had spent any time in Texas you would know that it is awesome. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish I’m learning new stuff everyday. My sister and her husband are moving to Texas. #justrealizediwillhavetovisit #suckstobeme)

@redclaydiaries Or something like that… (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I think he must have small-state syndrome. @duane_scott)

@duane_scott What do you know about Texas? (in reply to duane_scott @CandySteele so I can “train” my phone to capitalize texas? I may do it for @katdish for her Christmas present.)

@duane_scott How very thoughtful to get something for yourself for me for Christmas. (in reply to duane_scott @CandySteele so I can “train” my phone to capitalize texas? I may do it for @katdish for her Christmas present.)

@redclaydiaries Why yes. I think you did. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Thank you! Did I get here in time for Pick on @duane_scott Time?)

@Learell It’s truly a gift to be easily amused. (in reply to Learell @katdish yes. Cheetoes for sure. (phone just attempted to correct that to cherries and I laughed. It’s late)

RT @redclaydiaries: @duane_scott “It’s” educational system? I think your google dictionary needs to review possessives.//Snort!

@duane_scott I beg your pardon. My kids go to one the highest rated districts in the country. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish it will be the google dictionary on my phone that doesn’t capitalize texas because obviously, it’s education system is too poor.)

@duane_scott Would that be the one written in crayon where you don’t capitalize “Texas”? (in reply to duane_scott @katdish I’m with @lainiegallagher. “Irregardless” is not a word. I will bring my dictionary to texas. @kelybreez)

Shirt of the tiger

School field day, various and sundry practices to attend and working on the set for my girl’s 4th grade musical, et. al. — It was a pretty busy week for me in the non-virtual world, but I still managed to enrich a few lives through the power of social media. Or not…

I also had a rather riveting twitter conversation whilst preparing this post, but alas, it will have to wait until next week.

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@CandySteele Dude. I’m totally making me one of those. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Did you get one? Angry Birds costume bawwwk!)

@kelybreez I think @LainieGallagher’s favorite word is “I am always right”. Even though technically, that’s 4 words. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish But it would have to be her favorite word, not yours. She has the 3rd letter “i” in her name.)

@mdgoodyear Yes, but vurp is a much funner word. (in reply to mdgoodyear @katdish I thought that was called acid reflux…)

@kelybreez I think my favorite word is “irregardless”. Mostly because @LainieGallagher says it’s not a real word, & I like to make her mad.

Vurp: vomit/burp. You’re welcome.

@Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations @kelybreez VURP!

@Helenatrandom Um, right. Credit. That’s what I meant. (in reply to Helenatrandom Don’t you mean credit, not blame?)

@SBeeCreations Okay…Neti Pots I’ll own, not head cheese.

@kelybreez I believe what @weightwhat means is that I am the catalyst for all things good. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “I take no blame for pirate festivals or head cheese. That’s all @helenatrandom” / But you’ve been blamed for everything.)

@kelybreez Okay. Tangent. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “Twitter” is above & beyond the English language. Doesn’t count. You’ll have to try again.

@kelybreez Twitter. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Twitter peeps. I love words. What’s your favorite word in the English language that’s starts w/ 3rd letter of your first name?)

@weightwhat The worst part is that my friends used to sing it to ME. Inconceivable! (in reply to weightwhat @katdish At least you were singing loudly – makes it more believeable.)

Confession: I thought the name of this song was “Something Conceited”, which I sang at the top of my lungs.

Spent most of the day with paper and a stapler. Hope to be mostly done by tomorrow.

Why, yes…I AM easily entertained…

“It takes me a week to build my website. It looks heinous & insolvent & so I call your admonition to rally it.” – spam comment

Excerpt from spam comment: “I found your excellent text in the twitter.” (Snort!)

What would happen if everyone really did Wang Chung tonight?

@TchrEric That would be interesting. And horrible. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish It would be much more interesting to hear YOU playing the French Horn)

@kirstenwilson Snort! (in reply to kirstenwilson @katdish My boy also plays French horn. (Not sure why I’m telling you this. Perhaps so we could start a support group?)

I’m off again…French horn lessons (no, not for me, for the boy)

Nothing says welcome to fall like 94 degrees and humidity. Blech!

@dlrayburn Who doesn’t love a good katrant? (in reply to dlrayburn @tonyjalicea Love the Katrant’s huh? (cc: @katdish )

@tonyjalicea Aw, really? Thanks Tony. (in reply to tonyjalicea I would say @katdish // RT @dlrayburn If you could only recommend one person to follow on twitter, who would it be?)

So, here’s what I’ve been doing for the last 2 hours…

@cathylynnl @tonyjalicea @kelybreez There are few life situations where I’m at a loss to compare them to an episode of Seinfeld.

@cathylynnl Now you’re supposed to say, “Oh, it be…”

@cathylynnl It annoys you? That can’t be! (in reply to cathylynnl @tonyjalicea @kelybreez Seinfeld totally annoys me. I thought it was a “guy” show. Evidently not, @katdish)

@kelybreez I don’t think you’re a loser, but you probably won’t ever understand some of my tweets. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish I hesitate to admit this… But I’ve never seen an episode of Seinfeld. I know, I know. People think I’m a LOSER.)

@tonyjalicea I thought everyone watched Seinfeld. I found out differently last week. (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish It feels so good to be understood.)

@tonyjalicea Worse than a RAGING anti-dentite! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That’s worse than an anti-dentite!)

@tonyjalicea An anti-grace-ite? (in reply to tonyjalicea If you don’t give grace to someone because they don’t give grace to others, what does that make you?)

@weightwhat Who knew? Guess you can never be too prepared. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish That’ll teach you for leaving the house unprepared.)

@weightwhat I was wishing I had my old curling iron. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Did you feel the need to feather your hair?)

@weightwhat @BigMama247 I had a temporary flashback to 1979.

You’ve heard of eye of the tiger? I give you…shirt of the tiger.

“The truth isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s a big boy…” ~ Stephen King (Duma Key)

“If you tell yourself the great lie of bad art–that you are in charge–your chance at the truth will be lost. ” ~ Stephen King (Duma Key)

You don’t mix together all the ingredients to get love. All the ingredients are already there.

I think people often mistake 1 Cor 13: 4-13 (Love is patient…) for a recipe rather than a definition.

@billycoffey #SnowDayBook is still doing very well on Amazon. I think everyone should buy at least 2 copies. One to keep & one to give.

My son is playing “You and Me” by Lifehouse on the French horn. (smiles)

Twitter Update No. 66 – Lawsome

image courtesy of

Yeppers. Twitter update number 66. Apparently, I have a lot to say. A real mixed bag of nuts on the twitter this week: baseball, Walmart and a dreaded neighborhood garage sale. Also, approximately 28,000 tweets which mysteriously disappeared have now returned. Perhaps I can publish them in a book afterall. But most likely not…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Son just bought a music book for French horn that came w/CD. Just heard My Immortal played on French horn & died a little inside.

@NikoleHahn Duly noted. (in reply to NikoleHahn @katdish @CassFrear I’d want the secret police double agent position to help the peasants escape the Supreme Commander of the Western Hem.)

@CassFrear @NikoleHahn Congress? Not for me. If there’s an opening for Supreme Commander of the Western Hemisphere, I’m all up in that. (in reply to NikoleHahn @CassFrear @katdish That’s probably a good que to be careful what you tweet. If any of us runs for congress, we’ll eat our own words)

@CassFrear I would, except twitter ate most of my tweets. I think they’re in a vault somewhere. (in reply to CassFrear @katdish Ha! I figured I’d get a reaction. I wonder, could you put your tweets in a book and sell them?)

@kelybreez That was Al Gore. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish I thought you invented the interwebs… Or was it that other guy…?)

@kelybreez I’m like the Kevin Bacon of the interwebs. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “Aren’t you glad I intoduced you to @weightwhat?” That was you?! I wondered who started this madness.)

Just cut and pasted tweets for my next twitter update. Anyone care to guess how many I’ve done?

@kelybreez Aren’t you glad I introduced you to @weightwhat?

@TheMikeEllis Now see…if you were a fan of Seinfeld, your response would have been “Oh, it be…”

@TheMikeEllis You never watched Seinfeld? That can’t be! (in reply to TheMikeEllis I’m so unhip. I never watched it.)

@TheMikeEllis Is that anything like The Maestro on Seinfeld? (in reply to TheMikeEllis Prince changed his name. So did I. @MarketerMikeE is now @TheMikeEllis)

@marni71 @CandySteele @buzzbyannies Can I get an Amen?

My thoughts exactly

At the girly Ace Hardware store. Some pretty creative Christmas trees here.

@billycoffey Thanks. Don’t you have some ironing boards and grapes to deliver? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Well, good luck with all THAT.)

Today’s agenda: Buy 3 birthday gifts & help hubby de-mold boat seats. I know, glamorous, no?

@fatcatdaddy Like I’m gonna go digging thru my neighbor’s crap… (in reply to fatcatdaddy @katdish hey I need some props for Halloween if you see something I can turn into a fighter pilot helmet let me…)

@weightwhat I live in Nebraska. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Where is your neighborhood again? I was thinking about getting you some ceramic clowns for Christmas & I’m sure someone’s sellin’.)

@weightwhat No, but I’ve got my pressure washer set up in case any of them try to come up my driveway. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Got your fanny pack and small bills ready?)

My entire neighborhood is having a garage sale. I’m in second hand crap hell.

Only 2 copies of #SnowDayBook by @billycoffey on Amazon Today’s special: Buy 1, get 1 for the same price.

“You know, son – a giant bowl of potato chips is not what I would consider a healthy after school snack.” #thingsIshouldnothavetosay

@kelybreez Who apparently all have the day off. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “Violent protests in France against changing retirement age from 59 to 62.” That’s a lot of furious 59 year olds!)

Violent protests in France against changing the retirement age from 60 to 62? Seriously?

Caller ID is wonderful. Who knew there were so many people I didn’t want to talk to?

Here’s 4 seconds of your life you’ll never get back. Sorry/you’re welcome:

@pwilson Give it up NOW, Wilson! You’ve been on thin ice for some time now.

RT @pwilson Few things relax me like watering the flowers and drinking a cup of hot mango tea. Should I give you my man card now or later?

It’s your life: Live it or live in it.

@lainiegallagher I just RTed that so everyone could see how ridiculous you are.

RT @lainiegallagher @mattiehopper If Lance Berkman were in the center of God’s will, he’d be a Ranger. I’ll pray for that one. @katdish

@lainiegallagher Who died and made you queen of Texas? (in reply to lainiegallagher @mattiehopper FALSE. Once a Yankee, you’re dead to TX. (Unless you’re Pudge. Then we extend grace when you come to your senses.) @katdish)

RT @mattiehopper: @lainiegallagher @katdish a true Texan always cheers for Lance Berkman!//Amen!

@lainiegallagher Okay…that’s a pretty cool shirt. (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish Yes. Over THERE. Not here. Yankee.

@lainiegallagher Yankee? Virginia is hardly the North, and my family has been there since b4 the Revolutionary War as well. (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish My ancestors were here before the Revolutionary War. It’s in my BLOOD, Yankee. (And whatever. You don’t remember when I was born.)

@lainiegallagher I’ve lived here longer than you’ve lived here, because I’ve been here since before you were born (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish Oh wait — then you’re not a Texan. You just made an easy job even easier, foreigner!)

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad “What happened? You used to be such a pretty girl.” – some old lady at the tea. Too bad I can’t barf at will.

Hey, @prodigaljohn is giving away a signed copy of Braveheart, but don’t leave a comment b/c I want to win.

Sitting here at my computer & just realized the back of my jeep is still full of Walmart bags. #easilydistracted

Seriously, y’all. That picture did not capture just how many hornets are in that thing…Or were, anyway. Mwha ha ha!

@Helenatrandom Acts of violence upon stinging insects? It’s always a good day for that. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish But it’s not Wednesday!)

Bird feeder full of hornets. Scuse me. I’ve got some killin’ to do.

Just heard new music from Peter Frampton & Heart. Didn’t realize Sirius Radio had an AARP channel.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Walmart. But not nearly long enough.

Gotta go interface with the non-virtual world for awhile. Have a great morning,

@duane_scott And yes, she emptied it the last time.

@duane_scott In a happy marriage, it’s always your turn to empty the dishwasher.

@duane_scott Also? Your pants pockets are not tiny garbage receptacles. Clean out your pockets before you put them in the hamper.

@duane_scott Here’s my unsolicited marriage advice: Never let the sun go down on your anger. Stay up and fight

“When you combine ignorance with leverage, you get some pretty interesting results.” – Warren Buffet

@kelybreez Dang it. I was about to tweet your phone number. (in reply to kelybreez
@katdish I think she means she just HAD a phone conversation… Don’t want everyone calling me all of a sudden!)

PB&J: It’s what for lunch.

Just have a great phone conversation with @kelybreez. Y’all should follow him. And stay tuned.

Son: Who won the Texans games? Me: Texans Son: How’d they do that? Me: They scored more points. (I crack myself up.)

I just got a request for me to teach yoga to a group on 2 week holiday to my country. It’s like they don’t even know me.

I really should check my spam email more often. Hilarious.

RT @RobbBailey “Facebook was created for counting how many people left to be roundhouse kicked.”

RT @badbanana To be honest, that presentation was awkward looooong before we accidentally set the client’s hair on fire.

An exciting week on the twitter…

Hoo Ha Ha!

Have I mentioned that my friend @billycoffey’s book Snow Day is now available for purchase? I think I probably have. On Monday, the fine folks at Faith Words threw a twitter party in honor of the official release day of the book, using the hash tag #SnowDayBook. There’s quite a few tweets about that here, but trust me, I’ve omitted the majority of them because dang…

But here’s the REALLY exciting news: Professed twitter snob Sharkbait is now on the twitter! Follow him at @fishythoughts, and tell him I sent you. He’ll appreciate that.

The most hilariously ironic thing about this development is the fact that I was eating fish at Red Lobster restaurant when I saw his first tweet–sorry Sharkie. But come on, that’s just sort of funny, no? And it wasn’t clown fish. At least I’m pretty sure it wasn’t clown fish…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@CandySteele Snort! I wish. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I didn’t know it either. You probably have a truckload of floral arrangements in your driveway though.)

@CandySteele Today is bosses day? Good thing no one’s the boss of me.

@weightwhat It’s been a busy week. I’ve had to be relatively nice. It’s stressful. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish You’re kind of scaring me right now.)

@weightwhat I know, right? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Who are you?!)

Top 10 Reasons I didn’t grant you the courtesy follow:

Okay, @askbillmitchell says to repost early. And as you know, I always do what I’m told.

I wrote a post about the courtesy refollow on twitter scheduled to post in an hour. Should I post it early or what?

“Time to put your pants back on Walter we have a case.” #fringe

“It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase “as pretty as an airport” appear. ~ Douglas Adams

Wow! #SnowDayBook #62 on Amazon’s Bestsellers in American Lit! @billycoffey

Litter box just went from odor-free to “Smelly Cat what are they feeding you?”

Sigh…I just went to make a call on my iPhone. Clicked on the email icon and put the phone to my ear. Long day.

@dlrayburn Good for you, Dusty! You should write a review (in 800 words or less)

RT @dlrayburn CORRECTION: I did! I did! I did win a copy of “Snow Day: A Novel” by @billycoffey from @FaithWords !

@sarahmsalter Good point. That way it would always be annoyingly close to me at all times. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Can you fit Buddy Love with a clipboard to hold onto your list? He can wear it like a saddle.)

@sarahmsalter Yes. And then I lose them. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Do you make to-do lists? That’s how I survive…)

And it’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Do you every have this nagging feeling you’re forgetting to do something? I pretty much feel like that every day.

@dlrayburn Yeah, I do that too… (in reply to dlrayburn 300…that’s like telling a preacher he has 5 minutes.)

@dlrayburn 700 to 800 is pretty much the max. 300-600 is a good target to shoot for. (in reply to dlrayburn I think I need to start limiting my posts to 500 words…I’m just not sure I can do it.)


It’s easier to believe the lies the world tells us about ourselves than in the truth God buries in each of our hearts.

I don’t watch much reality TV, but I happened to click on Jerseylicious, & it’s like a trainwreck. It’s horrible, but I can’t look away.

Daughter is home sick today–sore throat/stomach ache. Better known as “playing hooky”.

@tonyjalicea Oooo! I’ll start working on my acceptance speech. (in reply to tonyjalicea @MarketerMikeE @katdish I vote Kat mayor of Twitterville!)

In search of deeper faith, it is 1 thing to embrace your doubt, quite another to celebrate it while mocking those whose faith is strong. You may never know the dark roads they have traveled to find it.

@Brian_Russell To paraphrase my 13 YO son, Boo-yah! (in reply to Brian_Russell In the paraphrased words of @katdish, it’s unfollow hammer time!)

@dlrayburn @makeadiff21 Of course I did! (in reply to dlrayburn RT @makeadiff21: RT @katdish: @dlrayburn Did you move it?? //You know she did.)

@kelybreez I’m just trying to help people find a great book easier. Books a million should thank me. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish That’s the Christian friendship sabotage spirit at work right there!)

@dlrayburn yeah, but it’s hidden on the bottom shelf. Or at least it was… (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish Hey it’s turned out showing the full cover! That’s a good thing!)

Ahh, much better!

Now that ain’t right!

When is @candysteele & @ronsteele7’s anniversay? Because I need to send them this:

@mabeswife My dad once made a chicken noodle soup sandwich. That was the worst sandwich ever.

Golf cart on major road. I predict this will not end well.

Man, why does twitter keep interrupting wanting me to download the new version? #rude

Dear #NewTwitter: I’m just not that into you. It’s not you, it’s me. Love, katdish

Computer is running slow. I think I need to de-frag it. I have no idea what that means, but I’m thinking that would help.

@FaithWords Thanks for a great #SnowDayBook day!

@CandySteele Well, yeah…that too. (in reply to CandySteele RT @katdish Never underestimate the power of social media #SnowDayBook / or the power of a great book & heart of a great writer)

Never underestimate the power of social media #SnowDayBook

Holy Cow! Really? >RT @LoveWriteCook: @katdish @billycoffey Now #75.

BREAKING NEWS: @billycoffey’s debut novel #SnowDayBook in the top 100 in US Lit & Fiction on Amazon:

“Happiness does not buy you money.” – Warren Buffet

@billycoffey Can’t argue with you there. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Oh, you know too much about everything already.)

@billycoffey Wait…I CAN’T know it all? That’s not at all comforting.

RT @billycoffey Life is made more beautiful by the unknown. Somehow knowing that we couldn’t ever know it all was comforting. #SnowDayBook

@billycoffey I am, aren’t I? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’re such a good mom.)

Both kids home from school today. While I’m at my computer, their making good choices #cookiedoughforbreakfast

Holy Hashtags, Batman! #SnowDayBook

It seems @BuddyLovetheDog can hardly contain his excitement about #Snowdaybook day.

RT @FaithWords: Guess what today is! #SnowDayBook Twitter party to celebrate the pub of SNOW DAY by debut author @billycoffey! Join the fun!

@gabbysherri Yes. (in reply to gabbysherri @katdish -“right” or “overbearing”…)

@gabbysherri Hello there! I see you found Shark Bait. You would think I would get tired of being right all the time… (in reply to gabbysherri @fishythoughts – I don’t believe it! She got to you, didn’t she? Well, you can be like me- pop in, pop out–keep em off your back/scales)

@katbrak Influenced. Yeah, let’s go with that. (in reply to katbrak @katdish and I know you’ve forced, um, influenced them all to join :))

@katbrak He’s hardly the first person who told me they wouldn’t join Twitter.

@CandySteele I do, don’t I? (in reply to CandySteele RT @katdish A very special forward: follow @fishythoughts. My favorite grumpy little fish! / you always win)

A very special forward: follow @fishythoughts. My favorite grumpy little fish!

@fishythoughts Hoo HA HA!!!! Sharkbait is on Twitter!!! I win! I win! (in reply to fishythoughts @duane_scott Congratulations. You are the first to notice. Don’t tell @katdish :-))

Surrender, surrender. But don’t give yourself away, aaaaaayyyy, aaa-ay-ay awaaaaaaaaaay! #randomcheaptricklyrics

RT @DougSpur Snow Day models :my granddaughter Nevaeh, (little one on right) & her friend Katy.

RT @TedInJest Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for a Klondike bar.

@MarkDavidGerson Don’t you kinda feel like a jerk saying “Mark David Green likes Mark David Green and thinks you should too!” (in reply to MarkDavidGerson Trying this “fan” page thing out. (Ugh: hate the term “fan” page.)

@MaryDeMuth Did you know that the traditional “mum bigger than your head” is mostly a Texas thing?

@DougSpur Get out! Really? So you got a copy? Nice, huh? (in reply to DougSpur @katdish I told em what you said And look at this here book in my hand woopwoop)

@DougSpur Wait…they’re not allowed to put it on the shelves until Mon. But tell them I said it was OK. Which will illicit blank stares. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish – thanks – I’m headin’ to the truck)

@DougSpur absolutely. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish – so, if I buy from the local Books a Million or order online it helps ya’ll just the same?)

Obsessively checking Amazon rankings and am VERY encouraged at the moment…

RT @kevinqueen: Today while changing my garbage disposal I found evidence of redemptive value in Left Behind books

@redclaydiaries I think it’s saying, “Tweet more, the world needs your wisdom.”(in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Sounds like twitter’s trying to tell you something.)

247 tweets? I know that ain’t right.

@WriteOnRideOn I usually get someone in my entourage to carry it. (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish You DO carry a portable red carpet with you at all times, right? Especially in the grocery store you love so much.)

I love how the frozen food cases in the grocery store light up as I pass. Sometimes I’ll get to the end, turn around and bow.

Top 10 Reasons I didn’t grant you the courtesy refollow

image courtesy of

Generally speaking, if someone follows me on the twitter and they appear to be a real person and not some spambot or online markerter, I will grant the courtesy refollow. By the way, if you are a real person and I’m not refollowing you, it’s most likely that I don’t know you’re following me. If you let me know, I’ll follow you. Unless of course you happen to break one or more of  the cardinal rules of the katdish courtesy refollow:

  1. You’re nekkid in your avatar. That’s all I have to say about that.
  2. Your Twitter bio contains the words “Social Media” followed by the words “celebrity” or “rock star”. Um, get over yourself already. I’ve never heard of you.
  3. Your last 10 tweets consist of links to your own website and tired old quotes everyone’s already heard.
  4. Your tweets are in a language other than English. Sorry. I’m a dumb American. That’s the only language I speak, understand or read.
  5. All of your tweets look something like this: *¨* 愛∗¸☀¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀.•*¨* 愛∗¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸☀¸¸.•*¨* 愛∗¸.•*. Am I missing something? What’s up with that?
  6. You talk at the twitter, but you never have any conversations with people on the twitter. It’s social media. Be social already. I don’t care who you are, you’re not that big a deal (to me, anyway).
  7. You don’t have a bio. Seriously…would it kill you to say 10 words about yourself?
  8. You are suffering from hashtagatosis, where you cannot #tweet #anything #without #using #hashtags.
  9. You are rabidly opposed to either liberals or conservatives and that’s all you tweet about. I follow liberals, conservatives and everyone in between, but I’m really more interested in what we have in common than what separates us. (End of mini speech.)
  10. I’m just not that into you. (This may include, but may not limited to the fact that you use foul language constantly or are overtly sexually suggestive. I’m not the morality police, I just don’t care to see that in my twitter feed. To each his own.)

So, there’s my top ten. Do you have any deal breakers when it comes to the courtesy refollow?

So apparently, I need to shut my pie hole

If you’ve been following along at home, you know that yesterday I ranted incessantly about John Mayer feeling compelled to tell everyone why he was leaving the twitter. He was of the opinion that no one on Twitter has created any lasting art. Pish posh! Just because he can’t do it, doesn’t mean no one else can. Take for example the Tweet Speak Poetry Jam the other night. This is where poets get together on twitter, and tweet poetic lines which are then put together to form one big poem. This week’s prompt: Pie. The lovely and talented Mr. Glynn Young (aka @gyoung9751) is the person responsible for putting everyone’s lines together. Now see, ordinarily I would link that poem, but I just asked folks on twitter for the link and everyone except for Kathleen Overby is politely ignoring me. Kathleen just told me I was the enemy and that I wasn’t invited to pie anymore. Which is ridiculous. YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME, KATHLEEN!

Anyhoo, I always enjoy following along and reading what everyone tweets during these poetry jams, but I’m just not at all poetic. When I try and participate, I feel a bit like Eunice singing Feelings on The Gong Show. But it seems I wasn’t the only person feeling uninspired. As it turns out, my friend Steph also happened to be on the twitter at the same time, so we decided to have our own little hashtag party: #notpoetry, featuring quotes about Hot Pockets from Jim Gaffigan.  Some friends compliment each other like peanut butter and jelly, peas and carrots, ebony and ivory. Steph and I are more like Aqua Net and a Bic lighter…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the Twitter this week:

@noveldoctor with a side of angst. (in reply to noveldoctor A writer is best fed by hunger.)

@weightwhat Farmer blow. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Neti pot?)

Can’t. Stop. Sneezing.

IMO, children should not be encouraged to whistle in public. Or ever, really.

I’m at the fancy Walmart. Also known as Target.

@PaperIsDue Also affectionally known as the McPig knuckle.

FYI – it is.

Have U ever eaten a McRib sandwich b/c you’re convinced it couldn’t possibly be as disgusting as you remembered?

RT @FaithWords Join us Monday 10/11 as we celebrate pub of SNOW DAY by @billycoffey w/ new background, giveaways, & more. #snowdaybook

@tonyjalicea Or Tom Hanks from Volunteers: “It’s not that I can’t help these people, it’s that I don’t want to.” (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Sounds like Peter from Office Space. “The thing is Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care”)

Anyone who equates great artistic talent with great humanity should remember Nietzsche

@tonyjalicea I interviewed for a job I didn’t want. When asked what my weaknesses were, I said “I tend to oversleep & call in sick a lot.”

@MarketerMikeE Hmmm…I could say a lot about that #FF, but I think I’ll just say thank you (in reply to MarketerMikeE She’s so delish I’d put her on a cracker. Follow @katdish #ff)

@billycoffey Your fan page now has 301 likes. I’ll accept gratitude for its promotion in the form of beef jerky

Photobucket makes me stabby.

@CandySteele Fine, just so you know, you missed @redclaydiaries & my Hot Pocket tweets. in reply to CandySteele

@redclaydiaries Goodnight, fellow not poet.

@memoriaarts Have you considered the witness protection program? (in reply to memoriaarts @katdish She (mother) kept finding me! I gave up. *laughter* And it’s not like you can hit ignore. Phone rings 0.5 seconds later…)

@CandySteele is not talking to me. Just tweeting food. #rude

@gyoung9751 What @redclaydiaries said. (in reply to gyoung9751 @redclaydiaries @katdish Because I only follow intelligent, friendly people on Twitter.)

@gyoung9751 You’re a gentleman and a scholar. Which is why I can’t figure out why you follow @redclaydiaries and me.

@redclaydiaries Oh, don’t sell @lainiegallagher short. She can be incredibly annoying. (in reply to redclaydiaries @lainiegallagher Annoyingly so. (So not really like you. You’re not at all annoying. Much.)

If 5 more people like this Facebook page, I’ll win a bet. No pressure, but it involves beef jerky:

Deepdish katdish #tsptry

@gyoung9751 We are NOT making fun of #tsptry. @redclaydiaries & I are simply trying to remain inappropriate outside the hash tag

Pie can’t compete w/cake. Put candles in cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. @jimgaffigan

@KathleenOverby Not mocking. Just painfully aware of our lack of poetic-ness. (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish have you been mocking us? you nonpoetical rebel.)

Hot pocket for breakfast, hot pocket for lunch, and dead by dinner. @jimgaffigan #notpoetry

Never eaten a Hot pocket/then replied/I’m glad I ate that. #notpoetry by Jim Gaffigan

@LoveWriteCook @SBeeCreations @redclaydiaries @mxings I think #notpoetry should be a hash tag closely associated w/anything I tweet.

@mxings Sorry/you’re welcome. (in reply to mxings @katdish @redclaydiaries enjoying your off pie commentary :))

@redclaydiaries Ooo! That’s an excellent pen name. (in reply to redclaydiaries RT @katdish: Okay DUH! I keep seeing this #newtwitter hashtag and read it as #NewWriter.// I read as Newt Writer.)

@SBeeCreations Steph and I aren’t really poets, so we’re going low brow w/Jim Gaffigan

Okay DUH! I keep seeing this #newtwitter hashtag and read it as #NewWriter. The former makes more sense.

@redclaydiaries Could a hot pocket be considered a pie? Hoooooot Pocket-Pie! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish See, I was gonna quote Jim Gaffigan: “If there’s rum in the pie, it means someone’s drinkin in the kitchen!”)

@redclaydiaries Don’t feel bad. I was going to tweet the lyrics to Cherry Pie by Warrant, but decided I’d better not. (in reply to redclaydiaries Okay, forget the poetry party. I guess I’m not in the mood to be poetic about pie. Now cake, on the other hand…)

Pie I don’t like: 3.14 and humble #tsptry

@Brian_Russell oh, it’s always my fault! (in reply to Brian_Russell RT @Brian_Russell: Avenging Narwhal // This is @katdish’s fault.)

@Brian_Russell I’m not sure I can help, but now I want a avenging narwhal action figure.

@CandySteele It’s like flipping the channels between The McLear News Hour and Dog the Bounty Hunter. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish @ronsteele7 ‘s having some rather extreme tweeting paradigm shifts today, huh?)

@ronsteele7 This is why I follow you on Twitter. Such hard hitting news stories about PB&J

Regardless, it’s probably not a good idea to call an umpire an A-hole on national television #justsaying

Texas 5 Rays 0 –The Rays are not happy after what they feel was a bad call shortly followed by 3 runs.

@melissa_rae @katdish haha! Not too much. And I can put a stake in our carpet so they only run in circles. 🙂

@melissa_rae Do the stuffed animals interfere with the choke collar? Snort! (in reply to melissa_rae @katdish @SBeeCreations I always thought they were very necessary! But ours have cute stuffed animals attached to make them humane. :))

@SBeeCreations I always thought those leashes for kids were horrible, but I considered one for my son.

RT @tonyjalicea Is there ever a good response when the cleaning lady knocks on the door of the men’s restroom?

@weightwhat Oh, thanks for that visual. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should just squeeze him like a tube of toothpaste. Could work.)

10 lb. dog has spent the last 10 min. looking for the perfect place to poo. Yet another reason I want a starter pistol.

RT @ConanOBrien: The Chilean Miners could B released this weekend just in time 2 see Michael Bolton sing on DWTS. Guys, what’s an extra day?

My fave new name for “church ladies” shared by my friend Suzie last night: Cindy Lou Betterthanyou

@tonyjalicea Happy now?

@tonyjalicea You are awesome. (in reply to tonyjalicea Tell someone today that they are awesome. You have no idea how much they may need it.)

@Nick_theGeek Nah. Maybe for some, but that will bite you in the arse eventually. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish u mean what u know about who u know)

It’s not what you know or who you know. It’s both.

How can you not be compelled to read a blog post entitled All Roads lead to Ass Clown? @redclaydiaries

@tyronem I’m like Joe Walsh. I can’t complain but sometimes I still do.

@kelybreez Good morning! Sorry for the delay. I had to google “soporific”. And yes, I agree. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Gunaydin, kat!! (Turkish). Hope your day is not soporific. Until late tonight.)

As always…Sorry/you’re welcome.

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