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There is no such thing as pink hate (and other tweets that don’t make much sense)

Last Saturday was a lovely day, so my daughter and I went to the local park. Thank goodness I had my iPhone so I could get some much needed clarification about some vauge signage from my twitter friends. In other news, I had my eyes dilated and could not see my computer screen, but where there is a will there is a way — despite @billycoffey’s black hate. And for some reason, @br8kthru was all up in my grill this week…

And…here you go: The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@curtharding Sometimes I think Amy Winehouse looks at Lady Gaga and says, “Wow. That chick is whack.”

@KellyKarius Off the top of my head? Never let your 8 yo play “hide the tangerines in the closet” w/her friends. I found 4 a month later… (in reply to KellyKarius @desireescales @JAS13 @katdish @shelbilavender @marcome I am seeking bits of parents/g-parents wisdom today just for fun. Got any? Pls RT)

“Notice there is no such thing as pink hate…” ~ @helenatrandom (Snort!)

@Serverman5 Yes. Tell what’s wrong w/you in 140 characters or less. (in reply to Serverman5 @katdish in a nutshell? Or do you want the whole story ? πŸ˜‰

@coffeewithmarty He puts his pants on 1 leg at a time just like everyone else. Only difference is once he has his pants on, he’s Mitch Albom (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish yes, read it, and even got Mitch Albom to personally ask a question i had about it. I was amazed he would reply to little me.)

@BridgetChumbley I think it’s the getcherfreakon mojo. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish Guess when you’re good… or ya getcherfreakon so well… it happens!)

@coffeewithmarty Ooo! Have you read Have a Little Faith? Albom’s newest? It’s great.

@BridgetChumbley They must secretly correct my bad grammer and sentence structure.

@BridgetChumbley Yeah…why is that? (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish You seem to draw writers to you like moths to a flame… I’m sure that would be a big hit!)

@sarahmsalter Girl, I’ve read more books than you’ve had hot meals

What is wrong with you people?

@sarahmsalter You either? (in reply to sarahmsalter @coffeewithmarty Me neither. πŸ™‚

@coffeewithmarty What in the world do you read?

@coffeewithmarty YOU’VE NEVER READ A BOOK BY STEPHEN KING????? (in reply to coffeewithmarty @BridgetChumbley @sarahmsalter I have never read a Stephen king book. I know. Shocking)

@PeterPollock whew! I’m glad you said it! That was KILLING me! (in reply to PeterPollock I just sent @katdish a one line email and the moment I clicked ‘send’ I realized the only possible response was “TWSS”. Sorry Kat.)

@HeatheroftheEO Snort! (in reply to HeatheroftheEO I’m weepy over an episode of The Dog Whisperer. It’s possible I have a celebrity crush on Cesar Milan. I love how he says relawshunship.

RT @rachaelmphillip: No more Olympics . . . such a shame. I love to watch other people exercise.

@CandySteele Thank you in advance for my corn nightmares. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish The better to smile with, my dear.)

Man! I’ve got so much to do today. Hurry! Distract me!

@CandySteele And the TEETH! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I KNOW! Can you imagine thinking you’re snuggling with Teddy and wake up staring at corn cobs with EYES??)

@CandySteele Gaaa! That corn would give me nightmares! (in reply to CandySteele Pigs & corn. #thingsyoufindinaniowaairport

RT @TonyCToday: @katdish Really? I usually enjoy those right out of the bag…

@br8kthru Oh, hang on… (in reply to br8kthru @katdish But what did he say? The same thing?)

@br8kthru I know. I ewhed him too. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish Oh okay. I guess that ‘ewh’ was warranted, but what did @tonyctoday say?)

@br8kthru The bag of raw fish parts. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish what was the ‘ewh’ from earlier about? You have to be more specific.)

@RobinMArnold The monkey butt? Gotta be on a first name basis for the monkey butt. (in reply to RobinMArnold @katdish When do you pull out the big red you know what? Like, how much do you have to love someone to use that?)

@RobinMArnold As per usual… (in reply to RobinMArnold @katdish I see all y’all are showing lady like restraint in your wishes for Mr. Bon Jovi.)

Dear @BonJovi My friend @marni71 has a tiny little crush on you:

RT @Helenatrandom: @katdish He is @BonJovi

RT @BigBags: Ignorance is bliss… especially when it’s stubborn ignorance

Is Jon Bon Jovi on the twitter? Anyone?

Hey! I can see again! What did I miss?

@br8kthru @TonyCToday Um…ewh.

Instructions say, “Further cooking required”. Ya think? Um, yes.

@gyoung9751 my life is a potential blog post, Glynn. (in reply to gyoung9751 RT @katdish: Walking thru SAMs club singing “how deep is your love” by the BeeGees. Curse you, muzak! /Sounds like a blog post to me)

Mmmm! Just like mom used to make!

Sigh…My eyes are getting worse, not better. Guess I’ll go rest them for awhile.

@TonyCToday That’s too bad, Tony. You don’t win the pope soap on a rope then. ( in reply to TonyCToday @katdish Hey Kathy! I couldn’t find any Popes in you pizza picture…

@marni71 Hi Marns! Happy Jon Bon Jovi!

RT @billycoffey: @katdish And I do not have a black “hate.” I am a very friendly soul. //classic

@br8kthru Yes, Jason! I see a blue sweater vest. All is right with the world. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish do you see a sweater vest?)

How long do your eyes stay dialated after the dops?

Now that’s dedication to the twitter…

Well, that’s not true. I see a pink hat (Helen), A black hate (Billy) Strawberry blond head (heather) & a baseball (Marty)

Would somebody tweet my post? I can’t see ANYTHING!

At the eye doc. Eyes dialated. Can’t see very well. Hope I typed that right

9:15 AM I have showered, dressed, voted and gone to the grocery store. I KNOW, right?

@Nick_theGeek Thanks for the offer. But Peter is my go-to geek. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish that’s part of the new service I’m offering. I set it all up for those super busy people)

@Nick_theGeek I’ve been meaning to for a long time, just too busy. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish finally making the WP jump then? Seems like several ppl r rigt now.)

Gus: You have never read the bible have you Shawn? Shawn: Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Dooo…the right thing.. #psyche

@mabeswife To each his own. Cadbury creme eggs are the McRib of candy for me. Every few years I have to try one ~ Yep! Still disgusting!

@mabeswife But WHY??? What is that crap in the center? Gaaa! (in reply to mabeswife @katdish I luurve them!)

@mabeswife Ewh! Those things are disgusting! (Cadbury crème eggs)

@Helenatrandom Yes. I’m a big fan of Horton hears a Who.

@br8kthru Bet he’s not doing laundry. Mostly because he’s dead. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish did you know tomorrow is Dr. Seuss’ birthday?)

Doing “research”. Reading “Oh, the places you’ll go” by Dr. Seuss. What kind of depressing childrens book is this?

@br8kthru No, I’m pretty sure she’s mad at you. Right @marni71 ? (in reply to br8kthru @katdish I don’t think she was talking about my post- she was talking about your tweet so you, my dear, were the 1 reminding… JSYK)

@br8kthru Now you’ve gone and made @marni71 grumpy on her birthday. Jerk!

@br8kthru Im just grumpy because I was reminded I have to do laundry.( in reply to br8kthru @katdish Wow, such encouragement from you! Did someone pee in your cornflakes again?)

@br8kthru No, Jason. It’s not. Give up. (in reply to br8kthru Trying to live life to the fullest from inside the walls of a cubicle. I refuse to believe it’s impossible. No, it can be done!)

@marni71 Aren’t we the trendsetters? (in reply to marni71 Did ya’ll see? @prodigaljohn did his own Twitter Ho Down on SCL. Now if we could just get him to participate in ours…)

Happy Birthday @marni71 !

RT @badbanana: Somewhere, Gordie Howe’s ghost is smiling tonight. Which is really creepy since he’s still alive

Dear #closingceremonies : We get it…You’re Canadian. We love you, but we get it…

At Mission Burrito. Apparently, we did not beat the baptists here.

@CandySteele No. In the band hall. Which smells like teen spirit. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish So you’re having church in the trailer then? Epic.)

So apparently the school where we meet is double booked. Which is weird since we have Sunday mornings reserved.

@pwilson Just be thankful you’re not at the “you’ll go blind” phase. (in reply to pwilson Just heard @brandiandboys tell @jettwilson1 not to cross his eyes or they would get stuck. Seriously? Are we passing that myth on?)

RT @JeffHolton: RT @whisper1111: seismology assn apologizes for typo as salami washes ashore in hawaii (via @PirateWench)

@katbrak in reply to katbrak

@CandySteele Too late. He hid behind a truck. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Get closer! See if he smells like beef jerky & cologne from a truck-shaped bottle!)

A possible @billycoffey sighting in Texas!

@NargesNirumvala if that’s the case, they are in clear violation! (in reply to NargesNirumvala @katdish I think it means no ducks! Hopefully the ducks can read English!! LOL)

I need clarification. Does this mean no ducks or not to feed them?

My brother & family (including dogs) are at a school on higher ground & off the beaches of North Shore. Only expecting about 6′ water

@CassandraFrear My husband says, “Your tweets don’t make any sense.” I say, “I know. Awesome, huh?” (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish BTW, I love reading your tweets. Just in a stream. Hilarious.)

@Helenatrandom Thank you, Helen and @sarahmsalter

@sarahmsalter Thank you, Sarah. Much appreciated. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish I’ll be praying Mark 4:39 prayers for him… Jesus said, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ and the ocean and winds obeyed.)

@sarahmsalter So far, so good. Little worried about my big bro. He lives in Hawaii

@KevinMartineau Do a sermon on tithing. That should clear people outta there pretty quick! (in reply to KevinMartineau Uh oh! The gold medal game is at 12:15 pm on Sunday. Shortened sermon … Hmmmmm … Dilemma …)

Not all chemicals R bad. W/O chemicals like hydrogen & oxygen , there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer – D Barry

The First Rule of the Jake Club is Bacon Jesus, OSLT…

Every single week I think to myself, I wasn’t really on the twitter that much this week, wonder if I’ll have enough tweets to do a twitter update. Clearly, I’m delusional…I know you probably think I have a ridiculous number of tweets here, but what you see here represents about 25% of my tweets from the previous week. Which is lawesome (lame + awesome).

Here’s the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@amysorrells Do not tweet in the shower! (in reply to amysorrells @MaryDeMuth Be glad. Be very glad. Showering now.)

AMEN! Those things are VILE! RT @CharlesEllison: Cadbury Creme Eggs = gross.

RT @noveldoctor: I wrote a brilliant novel. Then I woke up. Guess I’ll have to wait for my nap to check sales figures.

@br8kthru Yes. Your comment was quite….educational. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish I finally found my purpose in life- commenting on Katdish’s blog… It’s a red-letter day for sure. πŸ™‚

Once again, the comments on my blog outshine the post. I heart my commenters!

Me Likey! RT @PeterPollock: Best (available) name for my new hosting site I’ve seen so far is …. hmmm

@TwinkleChar It’s really a shame I don’t control the literary world; I enjoy a well placed semicolon.

@gyoung9751 So, Glynn – are you going to be my agent when I write my katdishionary?

@beckfromfrogandtoad Um…ewh.

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: @katdish A Canadian delicacy. Hand-cut french fries. Covered in cheese curds. And gravy.

@beckfromfrogandtoad Please define “poutine” before my imagination takes over.

“I shop at a computer store called, “Your Crap is Already Obsolete” ~ Jeff Cesario

Early voting today in Texas. Should I vote for a Texas political insider or a Washington political insider for Gov? Decisions, decisions!

RT @badbanana: There’s really no need for a closing ceremony at the Olympics. Just turn the flame off. Everyone will get the idea.

And scantily dressed women give a whole new meaning to the term “Ho-down”.

In honor of the rodeo, it’s Go Texan Day in Houston! Where seemingly mild mannered business executives dress like Howdy Doody

RT @Babybloomr: Bad hair day. Woke up with my bangs inexplicably resembling Hitler’s moustache and I have no idea why.

@Brian_Russell Then don’t. #FF is not the boss of you. (in reply to Brian_Russell I don’t feel like participating in #FF like a sheep.)

@gyoung9751 I’m pretty sure @billycoffey is okay with not being a queen. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish But you will always be the queen.)

He said it would never happen. I insisted that it would. Now @billycoffey is about to pass me in followers. Follow him & prove me right!

Which reminds me, I wrote another Katdishionary post. Part 4 of infinity…

I could never write a new blog post again. Just mine my comments section for material.

RT @muchl8r: Said about me at work: “The first rule of Jake Club is, you do not talk about Jake Club” . . .flabbergasted but kinda flattered

@stretchmarkmama We’ve covered Bacon Jesus and a Jesus frying pan. A good day, me thinks.(in reply to stretchmarkmama @katdish Jesus Frying Pan? Man, I gotta join your religion. I have no idea what that is, but Jesus + Grease? How can that not be holy?)

@HeatheroftheEO Well I hope you have that on speed dial. (in reply to HeatheroftheEO 65412369+5278847871874/78848748742274 7752752748477444742774 7211427472727277 (tweet from Miles-age 4) (he says it’s our phone number)

@elysa Oh, well that makes sense! Thank you! (in reply to elysa @katdish google says “or something like that”)

@HeatheroftheEO You’re not helping… (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @katdish Oh Silly Little Timmy)

I need some clarification. What does the text abbrev. OSLT mean?

@amysorrells Well it is now. We make up our own hash tags. We’re rebels like that. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish “RagingADD” is a hashtag? I’m gonna follo . . . . SQUIRREL!!!!)

@SheilaWalsh SpongeBob brings so many people together! And OMGoogle! I just realized I’ve seen you at a conference before! (in reply to SheilaWalsh @katdish We had coffee when he was in Dallas:) We compared iPhone’s and both had SpongeBob Squarepants on them-beautiful man!!)

@amysorrells Just to tell you…that is going to STINK!!! (in reply to amysorrells Goin’ to a shark dissection parent meeting. Gonna dissect a shark with Youngest Son tomorrow. He’s watching Jaws: The Revenge as I type.)

@redclaydiaries Sweet Bacon Jesus dreams! (in reply to redclaydiaries Okay. OKAY. It is 12:30 Friday morning here. I MUST go to sleep. Have fun, US friends!)

@redclaydiaries What sort of place wouldn’t welcome Bacon Jesus? (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish SNORT. I just got that. No, they do not eat bacon. Bacon Jesus would not be welcome here.)

@SheilaWalsh Okay, how did you get a picture with Bono on your profile #notatalljealous

@redclaydiaries Oh, wait….they don’t eat bacon huh?

@redclaydiaries That’s unfortunate, because who doesn’t like a little bacon in their cereal? (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Oddly, I have not seen bagels. Lox, yes. But apparently you put it on rolls. The no-mixing-meat-&-milk rule is interesting too.)

@Helenatrandom Oh yeah…because people come to my blog for recipes… (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Maybe you need to tell her she can share a recipe. She seems more interested in that blog lately. And facebook. πŸ˜‰

This is how my mind works, people.

I just thought of a great name for a band: Medicinal Porpoises

@Helenatrandom For medicinal purposes, of course. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Well, seat belts couldn’t hurt to keep me from falling off of a bar stool. I usually drink my whiskey sitting on a swivel chair…)

@Helenatrandom Seat belts? I dunno. Would that make a difference in your interest? (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Do the bar stools have seat belts?)

@sarahmsalter I’m just trying to keep it real, Sarah. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Amen! In about 2 hours, that’s what I’ll look like. Only I WON’T be posting the pics!)

@arestlessheart I’m pretty random. (in reply to arestlessheart @katdish that was SO random… what the heck?)

Sometimes beauty isn’t pretty.

Just got an email from someone who thinks my readers would B interested in cookware & barstools. Yeah…they did some in-depth research .

@coffeewithmarty For the record, I’m not ORIGINALLY from Texas. And there’s only one katdish. (in reply to coffeewithmarty @CandySteele Yes, you are right. Iowaegans need to stick together. The world is a big place πŸ™‚ Full of @katdish Texans.)

@CandySteele Why you gotta be a katdish hater? (in reply to CandySteele @muchl8r Please clarify for the Twitter that you weren’t talking about @katdish)

@buzzbyannies You got that right. (in reply to buzzbyannies @Katdish Better than a dumba$$… Snort!)

@muchl8r Aw, you’re welcome! (in reply to muchl8r Some people… they just make joy. It’s pretty much amazing.)

@buzzbyannies Smart @$$ (in reply to buzzbyannies @Nick_thegeek @Candysteele In that last design I thought I saw the profile of @katdish at the top of the page… Sweird.)

RT @CandySteele: @katdish and for the record, Marty is WAY to polite to you. #justsayin @coffeewithmarty

@BridgetChumbley Exactly. But on the up side, you never have to wonder what I really think.(in reply to @katdish Is “somewhat direct” like saying the Pope is “sorta Catholic?”)

@CandySteele Look, I already told @coffeewithmarty that I was “somewhat direct”. He’s okay with that.

@CandySteele @Nick_theGeek And perhaps a coconut bra.

@CandySteele @Nick_theGeek I think there should be chex mix in the background.

@justanotherdayk @makeadiff21 So my choices are YouTube star or cirque de solis performer? Excuse me, that girl has math homework to do!

My daughter is hula hooping and jump roping at the same time! Surely there’s a future in that.

RT @br8kthru: @marni71 Ah, see- this is what I’m talking about… the sense of satisfaction is overwhelming (TWSS)

I concur RT @Helenatrandom: @katdish Thats more of an “TWHS”, isn’t it. #yeahiwentthere

noveldoctor That’s as delightful as it is horrifying. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish I’ve always felt a kinship with Eeyore. But my goal is to be Eeyore as re-imagined by Tim Burton. Now that would be cool.)

@marni71 Not much. Been sort of in and out myself. Bring on the TWSS.

@noveldoctor Steve, you are the Eyore of writers. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish Yeah. Starbucks is my Cheers. And my office. And my social bordello: I purchase a drink in exchange for a barista’s friendship.)

@noveldoctor You spent FIVE HOURS at Starbucks?

@n0spin Okay, it took me like 2 minutes to figure out what NP meant. Where is my low carb monster?

@shrinkingcamel You should wear it as a headband. That should make things interesting. (in reply to shrinkingcamel In board meeting all day today. Choking on the tie…)

Well, yes! As a matter of fact I AM still in my pajamas. Thanks for asking!

@Helenatrandom Sadly, Helen that’s the LAST thing he needs…Hence the name Buddy Love (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Are you sure that your dog Buddy doesn’t need Viagra? I’ve been hearing rumors….)

Dear Spam Commenters: Don’t need viagra, meridia, or prescription drugs for my dog. But thanks for asking.

@unmarketing Yay me! (in reply to unmarketing @katdish awesome. i’m doing a parody song on people who correct spelling/grammar in public πŸ™‚ welcome to the video πŸ˜‰

@unmarketing You and “me”. You’re welcome. (in reply to unmarketing @copyblogger people want to see you and I chatting. i’ve seen the research. But only you and I)

@billycoffey Oh, I’m the life of the freaking party! (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You are no fun at all.)

Walmart was educational. Who knew you could buy food for your ferret?

Hey people! Been at the Walmarts…Happy Monday!

@Becks_Beer Oh, well…Then I’ve totally made it! (in reply to Becks_Beer You ain’t made it until you have at least two stalkers. FACT!)

Check it out. Kohls gave me my own parking space!

@beckfromfrogandtoad Daughter – he’s MY dog! Why does he like you better? Me: Because I don’t trap him in the laundry basket.

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: “Nobody love me!” The Baby is currently sobbing. “Nobody will let me be mean to the cat!”

(She says piously…)

@CandySteele @buzzbyannies @janetober @coffeewithmarty @jamieworley @kenworley @weightwhat Don’t you people have church in the morning?


And that concludes this week’s update. Sorry/you’re welcome.

Bad movies, Bingo and Behold! The Jesus Chair!

Yesterday I ranted incessantly about some of the silly things sold at Christian bookstores. I also invited folks to share some ridiculous items they had come across. Well, Michelle came through in spades with a link to a picture of “The Jesus Chair”. Sweet Fancy Moses!

Anyhoo…for some unexplained reason, it seems this was ignore katdish on the twitter week. But I don’t give up that easily…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@br8kthru That was quite horrible, no? ( in reply to br8kthru @katdish it’s so annoying! Thank you for the birthday greetings & if you send me the Jesus chair it will be regifted. πŸ™‚

@sarahmsalter Tell @br8kthru that excuse is getting tired…

Would someone please tell @br8kthru to stop ignoring me on twitter? He’s been doing it all day.

@VariantVal Pretty much every day. Snort! (in reply to VariantVal Do you ever have days when you just feel extra sexy, and pretty and all hawt??)

@br8kthru Continues to ignore me…

@Brian_Russell Sorry/you’re welcome. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish That does help. Thanks. It’s like a smoker trying to quit and breathing in second-hand smoke to cope.)

@Brian_Russell Well, I’m up 44% from last month, if that helps… (in reply to Brian_Russell Day 2 without Google Analytics… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t REALLY interested in my numbers…)

@br8kthru Happy Birthday Jason! Did you get a new sweater vest?

@gyoung9751 He is very doggy, isn’t he? (in reply to gyoung9751 You have a great dog. And he’s so — doggie.)

This what Buddy Love does after a bath. Annoying…

Wait…this is the best side

Back of C3 trailer

C3’s trailer!

@DaleChumbley @BridgetChumbley I thought “getcherfreakon” was the next blog carnival.

@coffeewithmarty He’s a cranky ho sometimes, but he’s pretty much awesome. (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish ill follow your idaho guy πŸ˜‰

@muchl8r New guy – @coffeewithmarty lives in Iowa, but is from Idaho.

@BridgetChumbley Bahahahahah! (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish @coffeewithmarty My new name: Bridget Cafe Chumbley or Bridget Coffeembly Gee… I’m not sure this works for me. *sigh*)

@coffeewithmarty Speak for yourself. @billycoffey is a total hillbilly. (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish HAHA! Neither @billycoffey or I are “hillbillies” I don’t think! I’m kinda a city kid stuck in Iowa.)

@coffeewithmarty Although I do seem to find an inordinate amount of hillbillys

@coffeewithmarty Oh, please…It’s not a country boy thing, it’s a “good writing” thing.

@BridgetChumbley You know what? You’re right! Hmmm… (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish What’s up with you and men with Coffee/Coffey names? Hmmm….)

@KathleenOverby Yeah, Kathleen. Maybe you shouldn’t read tomorrow. The tree will be fine. The boy? Not so much… (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish Please don’t crush me. Are you going to bash the sentimental ole tree? I won’t be able to look. Mercy on the stump. I beg you.)

@Helenatrandom I think the point of the book was that you can be a hedonistic, self-indulgent opportunist & God will still love you…(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish A letdown from about 34 years ago that I still am not over. I am pschologically scarred from that book not having a real point.)

…whist avoiding body checks and pucks to the head. Thoughts?

So, I was thinking it might be cool to combine men’s figure skating with hockey. Skaters would perform artistic skating routines…

@marni71 ZIP IT???? Oh, okay…but not everyone can talk to me like that. Consider yourself lucky. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Oh zip it. I just didn’t see u there due to lack of coffee. Latte is now on board. And….YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME!)

@buzzbyannies Well, thank you. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish @marni71 You Texans are ruthless with that unfollow hammer.)

@buzzbyannies If @marni71 doesn’t, we should put the unfollow hammer down on her.

@buzzbyannies That’s okay. We can shun @marni71 together.( in reply to buzzbyannies @marni71 I second the ahem.)

@marni71 Ahem! (in reply to marni71 @Nick_theGeek @makeadiff21 @billycoffey @CandySteele Good morning!)

@ronsteele7 I’m being cursed at by a celebrity! Lawsome. (in reply to ronsteele7 @katdish The teleprompter is broken, so #?% to you, imaginary friend, katdish)

@CandySteele I’m imagining RB typing from a teleprompter & waiting for him to type *?#% you, San Diego! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish RB is responding to blog comments.”That’s a lot of work. I hope I don’t die cuz there might be a lot of them.Oh, wait…nevermind”)

Me thinks some extracts think a bit too highly of themselves!

@gyoung9751 Snort! (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish Absolutely. No question about it.)

@gyoung9751 Had we not already established that? (in reply to gyoung9751 That means @katdish is the queen.)

The baby has escaped from the king cake. And he’s GOLD BABY!

And where do I sign up for something like that?
So, there’s an olympic sport where you ski and shoot stuff with a rifle? Where have I been?

HLAC comments section – Where your raging ADD is always welcome. Just ask @redclaydiaries & buzzbyannies

After seeing The Tooth Fairy, I may have to rethink my screenplay The Life & Times of @billycoffey starring Dwayne Johnson.

@redclaydiaries Oh, it’s not Howard th Duck bad. Just a renter for sure.(in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish GAAA. Well, that settles it. I intend to “forget” to take kids to see it till after it leaves theaters. So thx for that.)

Wow. Just wow. That was 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back. And I have sticky shoes.

@JeffHolton @VariantVal Well, we’re about to see Tooth Fairy. I’m hoping it’s better than I expect it to be.

I am at the movies. My feet are stuck to the floor. Gross.

Has anyone seen the movie The Tooth Fairy? My daughter wants to go see it. Is it horrible?

@sarahmsalter Because I’ve found that one works for me…

@sarahmsalter Ultimately, I think you should go with your instincts on this one. The one that says @katdish is right.

@Nick_theGeek Oh, whateva… (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish well b careful arguing with me. beware the power of my mind)

@pagan43 That made me happy!

RT @pagan43: Put a geranium in your hat and be happy.

@Doallas Sharing is nice. But I don’t think I would like it if someone shared a banana by prying my jaws open. Sort of pushy, really… (in reply to Doallas @katdish The orang was sharing, actually. It’s clear it would be a no go (maybe more for you than Buddy).

@Doallas Also? Monkeys stink.

@Doallas Did you see how that ape was prying open the dog’s mouth? Buddy would have a fit! (in reply to Doallas So @katdish, does that mean no orangutan?)

@Doallas Ha! Buddy Monkey Love! (in reply to Doallas @katdish The perfect playmate for Buddy! )

Yeah, weird…

My sister just won. Dang she’s lucky!

My daughter is taking the artistic approach.

@HeatherSunseri I keep missing numbers. (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish How can you suck at Bingo?)

I suck at bingo…

@weightwhat so far, not so much… (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Ooo! Magenta must be lucky!)


@weightwhat I DO!!!! (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Do you have your very own dauber?)

Don’t judge me…

Pulp Historical Fiction #boringmovies

Pirates of the Long John Silver’s Restaurant #boringmovies

Diary of a menopausal Caucasian woman #boringmovies

13 going on 14 #boringmovies

@RonSteele7 Sweet Lincoln’s Mullet! Happy Birthday Ron Burgandy!

Sorry/you’re welcome…

So, who is the boss of me anyway?

Pictures of the D.C. area courtesy of @Doallas (aka Maureen from Writing Without Paper)

Oh, lots of twitpics, much of the country had incredible amounts of snow while I tried to show solidarity by wearing socks and long sleeved shirts, @billycoffey continues to sass me, @Brian_Russell continues to obess over his Analytics, and @Nick_theGeek and I actually have a serious conversation on the twitter. But don’t worry, it didn’t last long. And if you’re new here, the tweets will make more sense if you start from the bottom and read up. But not much more sense…

Ready? Pack a lunch…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

Beer for dogs…because you have way too much disposable income.

Or…you could just shut your pie hole.



RT @Nick_theGeek: #FF @katdish almost as amazing as the hype //almost?

Okay…going to take some undercover pics at an overpriced store dedicated to stuff you should never buy your dog…

@Nick_theGeek yes. (in reply to Nick_theGeek Post title should be “leading an ass to water” according to @katdish. do you agree?

Oh, comments section of HLAC, you complete me

@buzzbyannies your lack of compassion hurts me deeply.. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Whatev… Although I think you’ve gotten more snow than us this year.)

Brrr. Way too cold.

Okay. I need to go write something longer than 140 characters.

Good News! I made blackened chicken for dinner. Bad News: I wasn’t trying to make blackened chicken.

My daughter wants me to watch a Jonas Brothers movie with her. It’s like she doesn’t even know me…

RT @stretchmarkmama: I’m not saying I have PMS or anything, BUT WHERE IS MY SHOTGUN?!

RT @detroitsteve: watching Saw 6 while eating an Arby roast beef sandwich….probably not my best idea of the day

RT @Helenatrandom: @br8kthru Okay. I’d be pretty mad at a toilet that called me sir. //That’s just funny in any context.

@llbarkat Oh, yeah…Elliot. More like Mad Libs. (in reply to llbarkat @katdish awesome… and that from a woman who said she doesn’t “get” poetry. (See? You were reading too much T.S. Eliot. πŸ™‚

@noveldoctor Sigh…no. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish @arestlessheart “Do not come lightly to the page.” / Can I use this as an excuse to eat fried foods and avoid exercise?)

@arestlessheart “Do not come lightly to the page.” Stephen King (in reply to arestlessheart @katdish thanks for the RT – this post was the hardest in this series for me to write…)

@Brian_Russell You should raise your standards.

@Brian_Russell That’s kinda sad, really. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish As odd as you may find it, yes, you’re in that group.)

@Brian_Russell You’re welcome. (in reply to Brian_Russell It’s fun to be replied to by famous people.)

@RobinMArnold I think using the term “the twitter” avails more opportunities for a TWSS moment. Win – win. (in reply to RobinMArnold @katdish I have always wondered about the proper use of Twitter, or THE Twitter?)

@weightwhat Metaphorically, apparently. (in reply to weightwhat @Helenatrandom How, exactly, do the Amish play cards?)

@Helenatrandom He must have his thesaurus out again. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Perhaps. It’s some sort of game he called “Metaphorical”.)

Oh, Sweet Fancy Moses! >RT @billycoffey: @HeatheroftheEO I’m not gimp, I just have so much testosterone that it blew out my shoulder.

@Helenatrandom Amish cards? Now that’s manly…. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Maybe you and @billycoffey can settle this by playing Amish cards like he suggested…)

@billycoffey You keep forgetting I have kinfolk in your neck of the woods. Lots of them. (in reply to billycoffey @RobinMArnold You know, @katdish can talk pretty tough from fifteen hundred miles away.)

@billycoffey What to the ever…(in reply to billycoffey @katdish It has. Dang it, shunning starting…now.)

@billycoffey Oh yeah, cuz that’s worked so well for you in the past. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I’m going to play my Amish card and shun you.)

@billycoffey Bring it, Foo…(in reply to billycoffey @katdish Now you see, I was trying to be nice. The gloves are off now.)

@billycoffey Hey Gimpy! How are you feeling?

@Nick_theGeek So I suppose that takes us back to where we started. We can’t fix things, but God can. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish I can tell you about God’s ability to break this cycle first hand. Not for me but for my dad.)

@Nick_theGeek So these kids stay in the home, nothing changes & they end up being abusers or victims. THAT’S WHAT IS SO FRUSTRATING! (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish it is “investigated” and in the two instances nothing happened. In the one I didn’t even think I should call it in though.)

@Nick_theGeek but they get put right back in. Don’t they? (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish I am a manatory reporter if it affects a minor. I have had to call twice.)

@Nick_theGeek What’s your legal obligation? If any? If you know this stuff is going on? (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish preaching to the choir here. I work with a lot of troubled kids.)

@br8kthru Whoa! Where did that come from? No, no plans for a novel. Although a katdishionary is possible. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish yeah it was unsettling – so you planning on writing a novel?)

@Nick_theGeek I know. It’s just so frustrating though. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish yeah I think we need to remember that *we* can’t fix any thing … blog post idea it might be really good)

@Nick_theGeek it’s like you said, I want to fix everything, but I can’t. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish yes ur post yesterday was very unsettling)

Guess I won’t be wearing my flops after all. Which is a shame, because they match my shirt.

@Brian_Russell Don’t you have something else to obsess about? (in reply to Brian_Russell Oh… no… Google Analytics is down for maintenance! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?)

Okay. I’m serious this time. Really have to go watch 24 this week. It was disappointingly lacking in violence last week.

@billycoffey I’m totally Superman. (in reply to billycoffey @SMBlooding We’re like brother and sister. Or Superman and Lex Luthor.)

Crazy writers…

Do you people see what I have to put up with? >>>RT @billycoffey: @katdish Yes. Shut up and I hate you.

@BridgetChumbley I know! Tragic. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish Oh no… you didn’t have to cover up those freshly painted toes?!)

@billycoffey Hey. Did you see my sock tweet?

I realize many of you are enduring bad winter weather, but did I mention that I’m having to wear socks today? I hate socks.

@marni71 Seven and Seven? Do they have matching “Kick me” shirts? (in reply to marni71 @PeterPollock You know what’s sad? My husband’s cousin is named “Seven”. So is his son. Wow.)

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: @katdish Yes, fairly cute in a Let’s Move Out Of Our Rodent-Infested House Now sort of way. //Snort!

@beckfromfrogandtoad Oh, cute! Sort of like a wild hamster.

@Nick_theGeek It does help with the wrinkles. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish also, did u c that @CandySteele is trying to get me 2 steam my own baby?)

@beckfromfrogandtoad What is a vole?

“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who in times of crisis preferred to remain neutral.” ~ Dante

Okay. I’m back…What is it about the carpool line that turns people into complete idiots?

Ugh! Is it morning already?

Dang – RT @BreakingNews: “Deadliest Catch” captain Phil Harris dies, Discovery announces

@Brian_Russell I had to sign up for a digg account to vote for you. You’re welcome.

@Brian_Russell You truly are shameless. Well done, grasshopper. (in reply to Brian_Russell Help us get some Diggs! #webcomic #LOST)

@BridgetChumbley You could put it right next to your patience.( in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish The great part about my bra is that no matter how full the freezer is… you can always find room…)

@weightwhat Snort!( in reply to weightwhat @katdish Ssshhh! You weren’t supposed to say that until @sarahmsalter falls asleep!)

@BridgetChumbley That would totally work, but you lost me with the hashtag (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish How’s this? Don’t go to bed… you want to stay up ALL night! #reversepsychologyalwaysworks)

@weightwhat No luck so far.(in reply to weightwhat @katdish Are you ever gonna figure out who IS the boss of you?)

@weightwhat I’m more a bra in the freezer sort of gal.( in reply to weightwhat @katdish Wanna stay up all night, paint our nails and talk about boys then?)

@sarahmsalter Thanks, mom! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Nope… But I am looking out for your best interests. :o)

@sarahmsalter You’re not the boss of me. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Go to bed, woman!)

I need to go to sleep. I really, really do. And yet…I don’t want to. I’m so stubborn sometimes.

Okay, peeps. Gotta go interface with the non-virtual people.

RT @the_original_xy: chuck norris is trending again? what is wrong with the world?

Y’all, I’m not kidding. It’s COLD here! I’m wearing socks and a long sleeved shirt. Snort!

@VariantVal Words to live by, Val. (in reply to VariantVal @Nick_theGeek it bleaches some fabrics.. so either way the clothing is ruined, so it is best to kill naked still)


@marni71 Oh Marns…that’s just sad.

RT @marni71: You know what’s a happy sound? That beep the microwave does when your Lean Cuisine is finished.

RT @billycoffey: My children are on their seventh straight snow day, further evidence that God really likes my book.

Buddy falls asleep watching tv again.

Sorry/you’re welcome!

Twitter Update moves to Saturday

Okay, peeps – I’m changing things up a bit. I’ve decided to move the twitter update to Saturday. Why? Oh, just because I felt like it. Actually, I’d like to do a bit more “actual writing” here during the week. We’ll see how it plays out.

I received some very exciting news yesterday. (Actually, two exciting announcements in one day). I’ll share one of them next week, but the other I still have to keep mum about for a bit longer. Dang it.

But for now, here’s the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@Nick_theGeek Sorry, but no. But AHHHH! (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish not even with me?)

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I’m excited about something. But sorry, can’t share.

The Church of No People blog is like the giant jar of cheez whiz to my computer’s intestinal system. Wuddup with that?

@redclaydiaries Sorry/you’re welcome (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I need to go scrub my brain.)

I suppose I should get a seat cozy for my vinyl chair ~ RT @billycoffey: Why you must write naked ~

@Helenatrandom Snort! “Twitter Ho Tweets” Sounds like some kind of Little Debbie product by Sylvester the Cat.

@sarahmsalter Sitting here thinking I should probably eat breakfast, but don’t feel like getting up. Devastating laziness strikes again.

@billycoffey It was, huh? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish That was bloody brilliant!)

Two, two…Two tweets in one!

If you suffer from Fatassitosis, perhaps you should not write naked

Including, but not limited to Kadonkadonk, Badonkadonk, and Fatassistosis.

Disclaimer: Any and all comments left of my blog, Hey Look a Chicken, may be used in part or in their entirety as future blog fodder.

RT @christomlinson_: “Chris Tomlinson: He doesn’t make me want to vomit.” by @katdish. Grace comes in many forms.

@makeadiff21 You’re asking ME what constitutes normal? You should probably go lay down. (in reply to makeadiff21 @katdish That isn’t normal?? Oh, please tell me that’s normal.)

Sigh…How is it that I’ve been busy all day and feel like I’ve gotten nothing accomplished?

@marni71 I sometimes write my posts in wing dings. Just because… (in reply to marni71 @prodigaljohn Verdana is holier. Just sayin…)

@bryanallain Did you want his cell number? (in reply to bryanallain I’m thinking about interviewing Steve Jobs for my blog. Not a possibility of course, but I’m thinking about it anyway.)

@sarahmsalter Oh, I can’t define crap, I just know it when I see it. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish See, you have to define “crap.” ‘Cuz I’m afraid to send you ANYthing.)

@sarahmsalter Yes. I’m anti-crap. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Oh, yes. I admit this. You know when something’s good and when something’s crap. It’s your spiritual gift.)

@sarahmsalter Yes, but you must admit that a katdish endorsement is kind of a big deal… (in reply to sarahmsalter @billycoffey I don’t need @katdish to vouch for your post, Dude. They stand on their own & prove themselves.)

I’m here! Commence the celebrations

Good Morning! My dog is having an emotional breakdown. I put his (nasty, gross) dog bed in the washing machine.

@myreallips Or a steel trap. One of those…

@myreallips Because I have a mind like a steal trap. (in reply to marni71 @buzzbyannies GAAAA! I thought I told ya’ll. How does @katdish know but not the rest of you? I have a complex now.)

@myreallips OOSTA! (in reply to marni71 @sarahmsalter @br8kthru I just like that @Nick_theGeek changed his, so I changed mine. And the story behind it will make @katdish laugh.)

RT @ryanmer: Only 15 minutes until Steve Jobs announces something I can’t afford, don’t need, and absolutely want.

@DueFriday Nobody beats Jack Bauer (except maybe @billycoffey) (in reply to DueFriday RT @DavidBGoddard The new Apple tablet is rumored to beat Kindle, cancer, Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris & fix the world trade deficit with China.)

I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that.

So now, if I don’t send this heart out to him and everyone else and someone dies, THAT’S ON MY HEAD?

UGH! My dad always sends me these email forwards. Today’s: “Give this heart to everyone you don’t want to lose in 2010”.

Is it just me, or does the Russian boss on 24 look like @badbanana?

@redclaydiaries @Nick_theGeek I’m talking to everyone, because everyone cares.

@katdish Also? I bought space bags today. 20-30 stuffed animals will now fit neatly into the attic.

@sarahmsalter Bribery & ultimatims. The cornerstone of parenting.

@Nick_theGeek Why yes. Yes I am. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish ru painting a big monkey butt on ur daughter’s wall?)

I tell my daughter “I want everything off the floor” and I can’t really fault her for not following instructions.

@mylestones Sort of like when my daughter used to tell me all the time, “Mommy, please stop talking to me.”

RT @mylestones: I asked my 5yo son how he would feel about doing school at home & me being his teacher. His one word response: “Bad.”

@amysorrells That’s called a vurp. (in reply to amysorrells Just turned in passport application. It felt…terrifying…and epic. I think I only threw up a little bit in my mouth, as they say.)

@joannamuses Oh man. I’d have all kinds of awards. (in reply to joannamuses if only society considered being an excellent procrastinator an achievement)

@Nick_theGeek Red Man as in the tobacco, not Native Americans. Just to be clear. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)

@Nick_theGeek Ah yes. The list of tax deductions is growing. Wonder if I should take up a Red Man habit.(in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish u should look n2 a tax deduction 4 ur cable bill …)

Watching Hillbilly: The Real Story on The History Channel (client research)

@kristaphillips Ah the beauty of the store is it has both. I think I’ve said No about 15 times. (in reply to kristaphillips @katdish my daughter gravitates 2 that section the moment we enter the store. She’s supposed to want expensive clothes, not stupid crap!)

At Justice with my daughter. Land of crap she doesn’t need.

“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.” ~ Rita Rudner

@billycoffey I have a really good feeling about this one. I really do.

RT @billycoffey: Sent a copy of Snow Day to my hero of 25 years for a possible endorsement. Fingers crossed, prayers said.

Dear Person who left me a DM telling me you’re looking forward to my tweets. You’re not following me, goober.

@marni71 Snort! (in reply to marni71 RT @katdish: Sorry people! I’m busy CHANGING LIVES here!// that’s just a day job. Twitter is your ministry. Get your priorities straight.)

Sorry people! I’m busy CHANGING LIVES here!

@Babybloomr Yes, sort of a twirlyworld sisterhood. (in reply to Babybloomr @katdish I totally love your twirly world! I live in twirly world!)

Fave comment today: I had to unfollow you for a bit. The straight tweet world needed to be figured out. Your twirly world confused me…

@billycoffey Tell me something I don’t already know. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ah. That’s my normal.)

@togetherforgood I’m fairly incorrigible…

@billycoffey Tired/snarky/reality based. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Was that snarky? Because that sounded snarky.)

@billycoffey Yes. It is morning isn’t it?

Fear not, Maya Angelou

I am not a poet. There, I said it. I read beautiful words strung together on other blogs and think, I could never do that. But that didn’t stop my poet friends from inviting me to participate in the TweetSpeak Poetry Jam on Tuesday night. So they get started. And I’m reading these tweets. And I’m waiting. Do you remember the feeling you had on the playground when you were supposed to make it into the jump rope that was already moving? And you keep standing there waiting for the right moment and thinking to yourself, “This could end very badly?” Yeah, that was me. I finally jumped in, and am proud to report that I made it through 2 tweets before I tweeted “That’s what she said”. What can I say? I gotta be me.

Glynn Young of Faith, Fiction and Friends gathered up all these tweets from several different participants, and with some editing, managed to put together a very fine poem for TweetSpeak Poetry entitled Adam and Even by the Narrow Lake. Here are my poignant contributions:

Well, I think I’ve done enough damage here. Gotta go write a guest post intro.

and then the customer doth say/Can I get fries with that shake? #tsp

and words sometimes doth twist/the fingers too #tsp

the black keys dance/though flat and sharp #tsp

and while the upon the white keys the petals fell silent/the black keys?/Not so much…#tsp

@sarahmsalter Okay, well the tangled part wasn’t mine, just the nonsense. Go figure. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Can I use that line sometime? The tangled nonsense part? That’s AWESOME!)

@Doallas If by “no” you mean “yes”, then “no” (in reply to Doallas we do get dramatic, no? #tsp)

@BridgetChumbley A rose by any other name, is still a rose. Besides, I can’t help myself. TWSS.( in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I was about to tell you how proud I was of you for attempting this… then I saw that tweet & all went out the window! πŸ˜‰

@redclaydiaries Thanks. I was hoping you would catch that. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish SNORT. Thanks for taking over the crazy for me.)

and in the tangled nonsense, one voice cried out, That’s what she said #tsp

and rainbows rays reflected upon surfaces shone hope to those who witnessed #tsp

Eve, hangs her head, in the shame of not being poetic #tsp

@gyoung9751 It’s all a matter of emphasis. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish I got that line – it’s great — but is Gaaa spelled with 2 or 3 a’s?)

@Doallas Gaaa! I am so out of my league here… (in reply to Doallas @katdish are you joining us for poetry jam #tsp)

And here’s the rest of the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

RT @PuriChristos: Your mum’s at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep. (I’ve had this dream)

@binaspad Well I’ll just have to come up w/some equally disturbing images for next week. (in reply to binaspad @katdish re:it will change your life. meat puppets are dancing in my mind even tho I bid them to stop. *sigh*)

@redclaydiaries I liked (among others) “Put the lobster down. Put it down!” (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish rolley pony PONY…. Splat!)

@redclaydiaries I AM CRYING I’m laughing so hard – reading that sleep talkin’ man blog.

@JeffHolton Sort of like a train wreck, isn’t it? (in reply to JeffHolton One of the worst posts I’ve ever read, but I’m still unable to resist sharing. πŸ™‚ From the amazing @katdish…

Snort! RT @Helenatrandom: @Brian_Russell Do not unfollow ME? I will make you pay if you do. I am friends with @katdish. Nuff said…

@amysorrells You know, the monkey butt pic sort of looks like a flower, if you squint real hard. in reply to amysorrells @katdish I like your style, but I refuse to put meat puppets on any kind of sidebar button. Unless it has a rose on it or damask of course.)

RT @joannesher: My daughter:”our oven is hotter than florida!

@amysorrells That’s called “branding” Amy. Katdish style! (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I can’t get those meat puppets out of my head. Or that monkey. They are forever seared upon my tender brain tissue.)

@amysorrells Sorry/you’re welcome. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish Yeah, THAT’s the quote I want to be known for through the generations . . .)

“Holy monkey-butt-meat-puppet, Batman!” ~ @amysorrells

@Helenatrandom Morning! I suppose I could have found some headcheese puppets. But then I would have thrown up on my computer.

Yes, that’s fine, b/c my ego can take it RT @billycoffey: @JeanneDamoff But you like me more than @katdish, don’t you? It’s okay to say it.

@JeanneDamoff Aw, thanks Jeanne! Happy dancing! in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish @billycoffey Thanks for the RTs. Also, you are two of my favorite people. Have a beautiful day.)

Is it a good or a bad sign when you’re writing a blog post and cracking yourself up?

Dog day afternoon

@Doallas Oh, trust me…you should be grateful. Did I mention I used to work in the oil & gas industry? In Texas? Nuff said.

@Doallas Which reminds me of an airline joke, which I cannot share.

@Doallas Of course I do. (in reply to Doallas @katdish The @thetwitcleaner? You do realize that middle word has at least two other meanings.)

I’m utilizing @thetwitcleaner to lay down the unfollow hammer. If you feel my unfollow is in error, please let me know.

(I do, don’t I?) RT @amysorrells: So grateful to @katdish because she ROCKS!!!

Favorite keyword search of the month for HLAC: “Lo, I have a painful disease in my loins”

@HeatheroftheEO Paranoia and self doubt? You’re a born writer! (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @warmchocmilk @katdish yes, yes. You’re right. Just paranoia setting in. I need more to do or something. πŸ™‚

What am I supposed to do with THIS? – RT @PeterPollock: @katdish I don’t love/hate you. There’s one of those which I definitely don’t do!

@CandySteele Follow Friday is not the boss of me. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish what is this, #followwednesday ?)

Previous tweet translated: Keep it under 800 words, people!

RT @prodigaljohn: Write your blog as if you’re asking someone to share the most precious resource they have. Because you are. Time.

@BridgetChumbley You should have some protein. Perhaps dip them in peanut butter? (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I’m breaking open the box of Lemon-Heads…)

@Mami_Picture Low carb monster and a protein bar. I’m devastatingly lazy when it comes to preparing food.( in reply to Mami_Picture @katdish so what’s 4 lunch?)

@BridgetChumbley Kay. I just had a blue monster and a protein bar. Cuz I’m fancy. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @makeadiff21 But of course… and @katdish I’m hungry too… let’s do lunch!)

@CandySteele You like me…you really, really like me

@annkroeker Well, let’s just stop then. I don’t want his head getting too big for that cowboy hat. (in reply to annkroeker @katdish Guess we all recognize a good thing when we read it…. This is turning into a gushing @billycoffey stream of posts.)

@annkroeker Oh, y’all found @billycoffey first. I’m just BeBe to his Frazier Crane. (in reply to annkroeker @katdish Same thing @highcallingblog where @billycoffey works his word-magic. Thanks for sharing him!)

@chrissulli You’ll have to take that up with @peterpollock. He love/hates me. (in reply to chrissulli @billycoffey egh, I’m bored out of my mind. I can’t even get @katdish to let me build her a website for free)

@sarahmsalter Oh, I didn’t see his last tweet. I unfollowed him. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish You’re welcome. And if you want, I’ll help you beat up @billycoffey. Especially after his latest particularly snotty comment.)

So, @billycoffey’s guest post on my blog always get more hits than mine. But I’m not bitter…

@marni71 It can’t be done without laying down the unfollow hammer.( in reply to marni71 @billycoffey Let me know how ignoring @katdish works out for you.)

@billycoffey Oh, like that’s possible… (in reply to billycoffey @marni71 Thank you, Marni. I’m ignoring @katdish.)

@billycoffey Sit down and take a break. You’re so needy… (in reply to billycoffey @mylestones @weightwhat @katdish @sarahmsalter @br8kthru @marni71 Would someone please tell me to sit down and take a break?)

@marni71 No. He’s just stubborn. Sort of runs in the family. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Are you staring at him? Maybe he has stage fright….)

Right now I’m waiting for my dog to take care of business, and lamenting the fact that I still don’t own a starter pistol.

Okay, I gotta go. Someone’s cracking a redneck whip in my general direction.

Don’t taze me bro! #24

I have a date with Jack Bauer…chat later.

@amysorrells If your cake has a crust, I don’t know if frosting is your biggest issue.

@amysorrells Then we can’t work together…( in reply to amysorrells @katdish I refuse to change my profile pic to me in a cowboy hat. Ever. I have my limits. Just so you know.)

@marni71 She should follow me on Twitter. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Dumb counselor. If only she could see you now! )

@buzzbyannies @marni71 And my high school guidance counselor told me being a smart @$$ was not a marketable skill…

@marni71 “Juob” is French for “Job”

@marni71 Oh, I’m not off either. Being an internet tornado is a full time juob.

Oh…em….gee…Taking a breath between 24 episodes. Oops! Gotta go!

Oh, wait….24 is on! Forget this show

I’m watching The Human Target, starring that dude from the 1st 3 seasons of Boston Legal & guest starring a kid from The Bad News

Making a grocery list on my iphone I cannot type the word “banana” w/o breaking into a Gwen Stephani song.

Ladies, if you’re going to be a lush, at least be a fashionable one.

@ryanmer You’re a rather angry librarian… (in reply to ryanmer I SHOULD be happy that so many people are at the library on a Saturday, but instead I just want to scream obscenities & punch people.)

Again, Sorry/you’re welcome. Happy Friday!

The Return of the Pornographic Cheese Butler

It was sort of stroll down memory lane on the twitter this week. The topic of an old post of mine came up (I do not heart grocery shopping – which was the introduction of the Pornographic Cheese Butler), and after tweeting with @marni71 and @HelenatRandom, for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to sell muumuus with heart-shaped monkey butts on the back. Yeah…I’m weird. But you probably already figured that out by now.

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Sigh…I should probably go for awhile. I got my eliptical (sp?) trainer back yesterday. So far, so good. No clothes hanging off of it yet.

@Helenatrandom @weightwhat must be giving google kickbacks. Perhaps in bra snacks…

@br8kthru Do you know what that pathetic apology needs? A ham sandwich… (in reply to br8kthru @marni71 sorry, how about this: PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE TELL ME YOUR STORY? PLEASE? any better?)

RT @marni71: @br8kthru That didn’t sound enthusiastic enough. I rescind the offer. Go eat your sandwich you dream crusher.

Yeah…I have a lot of free time…

So, I googled PCB, and @weightwhat ‘s post came up first: Are bra snacks kosher?

@marni71 You know…the true pioneers in any field are never appreciated until they’re gone. I feel their pain. (in reply to marni71 And NOW I’m being followed by cross-stitchers and people who make scarves. I blame @katdish.)

So @TheTwitCleaner gives me a list of people called “These people ignore you”. Boy, that’s an ego booster…

And the follow-up PCB Post

The infamous PCB Post:

@billycoffey Come on. That day has to rank pretty high on the “bestest day ever” scale. (in reply to billycoffey @Helenatrandom No. @katdish left a snarky comment on my blog and I followed her to hers. It was all quite shocking.)

@marni71 I’m on my second one today. Three is too many, one not enough. (in reply to marni71 @katdish OH DUH! Told you I was slow. I need a blue Monster…)

@marni71 I think @billycoffey meant a board that you smash crickets with. (in reply to marni71 @billycoffey That was my personal fave too πŸ˜‰ The Pakistani are known for their refined games of cricket.)

@marni71 I’d watch that episode for sure.

RT @marni71: @katdish We could consult with the Dog Whisperer. It would look good on his resume.

@marni71 Also wondering if you could get a baboon to sit still long enough to get a clean impression.

@marni71 I wonder if I could borrow a baboon from the zoo and have them stamped? (in reply to @marni71@katdish But if you offered to autograph them, we could sell at least 12 I think )

Oooo! New hashtag! #SnowDay about 7 hours ago from TweetDeck

RT @FaithWords: Rt: @billycoffey @DueFriday: Sending out @billycoffey’s debut novel, SNOW DAY, for endorsements! #SnowDay

@marni71 @Helenatrandom Okay, just envisioned a muumuu with a heart shaped monkey butt on the back.

@marni71 You know, we could seriously make some t-shirts. At least 10 people would buy them. (in reply to marni71 @BridgetChumbley Yes, yes I am. That and cross stitch pillows. They’ll be on mine and @katdish ‘s new etsy site.)

RT @Helenatrandom: Today I am grateful for having a cute avatar….

@gyoung9751 Yes, Glynn, but my dog loves them. Don’t be a hater. (in reply to gyoung9751 RT @katdish Eating chex mix & giving the pretzels to my dog. Cuz I’m generous like that… / And you don’t like the pretzels.)

@Helenatrandom Amazingly…no. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Hasn’t the Wordy McTypelot thing been working out?)

@Helenatrandom Well, there you go. Who needs a book deal? (Although I am entertaining any and all offers…) (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish We could sell them on FOTTSP!!! And NtG hats that say “Think Geek”, and muumuu’s with chopped veggie pattern saying “Salsa Anyone”)

@BridgetChumbley You just have to ask yourself WWKD? I think @marni71 is working on some bracelets. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish Do you teach classes? You know I’ve always been a BIG fan…)

@BridgetChumbley It is if you’re me. (in reply to BridgetChumbley RT @katdish: @makeadiff21 Let me put it another way. I don’t want them all up in my business. // Is that an option?!)

@makeadiff21 Yes. That’s what I’m saying. My family is a great source of blog fodder. I need to freedom to write about them w/o fear. (in reply to makeadiff21 @katdish @Helenatrandom Are you saying you live your lives in compartments? What are you hiding from ppl???)

Okay…My Uncle Franklin just became my facebook friend. And you people wonder why I don’t link my blog on facebook…

@PuriChristos You’re about as subtle as a freight train, Nick. (in reply to PuriChristos I had an epic idea just now. Waiting to hear from @ProdigalJohn to see what he thinks. He should check his email if he reads this)

RT @DueFriday: Sending out @billycoffey’s debut novel, SNOW DAY, for endorsements!

Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.~Mansfield

@the_original_xy That’s a challenge. Hate is so much sexier & more newsworthy than love & grace. (in reply to the_original_xy @katdish then you non-crazies have to start being louder to drown out the crazies.)

And I pray that people would understand that one Christian does not speak for all of us.

As Christians, I honestly wish people knew more about what we’re for than what we are against…

#SCL Snobbery: You see people making up definitions w/word verifications & think to yourself, “That is SO 6 months ago!”


@marni71 We should set up an etsy account. (in reply to marni71 @katdish I think I just found my new cross-stitch pillow quote!

@marni71 Me too. Silver linings and snark. It’s a rare and beautiful thing. (in reply to marni71 @katdish I feel it’s God’s way of rewarding me for not dying. Silver lining…I’m all about the silver lining.)

@billycoffey It doesn’t suck… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish It must be great to live your life.)

@billycoffey I can’t be bothered with details. That’s your job. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You know all those Tannenbaum’s ended up in the hospital, right?)

@billycoffey That’s unacceptable. Tannen-baum! Tannen-baum! (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Yes. So far it’s a draw.)

@billycoffey Hey there. Fighting the Resistance this morning?

@makeadiff21 Oh, I have plenty of weird followers already

RT @buzzbyannies: I am not quite sure why Boz looks so worried. He’s driven with me a million times…. #scaredycat

@sarahmsalter My people are working on the prototype. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish You know, if you could figure out a way to bottle that snarkiness and sell it, you could probably make some good money…)

@sarahmsalter fajita taco.( in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Buenas dias!)

Although I don’t always floss…

Pretty much love God, floss, and post at 12:01 AM CST.

I’m tempted to post early, because my post goes with @brian_russell’s post. But I follow so few rules, I feel compelled to stick to them.

@mdgoodyear Marcus, I think I have some time share opportunities you may be interested in. (in reply to mdgoodyear @katdish I confess, I love this *as seen on tv* thing =>

@LynnRush OH WOW! That’s just AWESOME! (in reply to LynnRush I feel like I’ve entered the Twilight Zone. . . . I’m looking at my first book contract right now. . .)

Sigh…I’ve decided against my better judgment to get dressed. I have to go to the bank & I don’t think they want to see me in my pjs.

RT @AmberAusten: Haha, RT Organizing my tupperware/gladware/rubbermaid cabinet. I have found the end of the universe. (via @rocksinmydryer)

@billycoffey Some things are just God given gifts… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Oh wow. I’d like everyone to know I did NOT train your ego…)

@sarahmsalter Um…scuse me @billycoffey trained ME? You mean like Jay Leno trained Johnny Carson?

@sarahmsalter @billycoffey is right. When he found me I was a quiet, shy demure little blogger. (in reply to sarahmsalter@billycoffey Now, Billy. You have to be willing to share @katdish’s gifts and talents with the world.)

@billycoffey Mwha ha ha! (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Okay, now that’s just wrong.)

@billycoffey I’m sorry, what? Wait…I have to take a call from another client. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Then it better not be work for ME.)

@billycoffey I’m doing work, but it’s probably not that important… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’re lazy. Don’t you have work to do?)

Speaking purely hypothetically of course – at what point in the day do you decide instead of getting dressed you simply stay in your pjs?

@poemsandprayers And yes. I am. Proudly so. (in reply to poemsandprayers @katdish smart ass)

@poemsandprayers I’m not talking about legitimate groups, I’m talking about the “I Love Ranch Dressing” groups. (Of which, I am a member.) (in reply to poemsandprayers @katdish guess im a little touchy about the facebook group thing)

Do you know what this world needs? More groups on Facebook…(yes, I’m being sarcastic)

I put a bird feeder outside the window of my office. I find it relaxing watching the birds whilst my dog barks incessantly at them.

@sarahmsalter I am SO getting you a poo purse. (in reply to sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, my birthday is the 31st. But please don’t get me a poo purse. Thank you.)

@Brian_Russell Stop being a slave to your analytics. Just write and create. You’re welcome.

@weightwhat Well, just don’t google yourself again. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Thank Gumby! I thought I was going to have to TWSS myself again. TWSS.)

@weightwhat TWSS (in reply to weightwhat My hangtags are going to be so cute!!!)

@shrinkingcamel I never know what I’m doing. You get used to it. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish I’m not really sure what I’m doing at this point.)

@Brian_Russell Fo shizzle. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Word.)

@stretchmarkmama Hey! That there is what we call an “Art Car” around these parts. (in reply to stretchmarkmama @katdish “Novel” is one word. “Trashy” might be another.)

Maybe just once, someone will call me “Sir” without adding, “You’re making a scene.” ~Homer Simpson

A novel use of happy meal toys and gumball machine trinkets.

It’s not the bitter cold or the harsh winds of winter I hate so much, it’s the static electricity wreaking havoc on my hair. Yes, I’m deep.

RT @michael_arndt: If you are trying to blame me, the buck doesn’t even slow down here, keep on going

One of my son’s happier moments…

Sigh…oh well. It’s only paint right?

My daughter wants to redo her room. All my work to be painted over.

Just checked my facebook account. I have 93 items in my in box #baneofmyexistence

RT @Doallas: Need a headline writer? Hire @katdish. Here’s an example:

RT @muchl8r: Compelled by the promise of adventure, our protagonist ran out the door yelling, “oh CRAP! i’m late!” off to work:)

RT @badbanana: 85,000 jobs lost in December. Mostly football coaches.

And YES, I left out a whole bunch of tweets about Chex mix. I realize you’re probably bitterly disappointed, but those are for research.

As always, Sorry/You’re welcome.

Pocket Jesus, the nasty pimp hat & revenge of the granny panties

I love me some twitpics! It’s my way of sharing my day to day with people all over the world! (You’re welcome.) The first entry (which is the last entry; try to follow along), I tweeted after I had started my update, but I wanted to share. (Again, you’re welcome.)

Without further ado (or adieu?), the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

trying on low rise jeans + granny panties = devastating blow to my self esteem

@Helenatrandom Snort! (in reply to Helenatrandom @chrissulli Haven’t you heard? Global Warming is the reason why we are getting colder!! The whole theory was developed by oxy morons…)

Some fascinating discussions about dog poo. Today, on a very special Hey look a chicken

@bryanallain You just had dinner? What are you, 80?

@JeanneDamoff TWSS (in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Should be tons o’ fun. A 1940’s USO-type swing-dance show. Only problem is rehearsals start next week. I need to GET ON IT! )

@Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley Do you ever have them face one another & then squish them together? In a purely platonic way, of course.

@BridgetChumbley I’ve eaten gummy bears past the point of a stomach ache. That’s how much I heart them. (in reply to BridgetChumbley I ‘heart’ Gummi Bears… but I leave the green ones… yuck!)

RT @BridgetChumbley: RT @katdish: @BridgetChumbley I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! // Stop in the name of all which does not suck.

@Helenatrandom Um, ewh… (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish That’s be cool. It would go great with my Life is Funny Mammogram post. (Better hope I don’t get a pap smear anytime soon…)

@CandySteele Yes. We do. (in reply to CandySteele @billycoffey Just ignore @katdish ‘s illusion of intimidation. We know who’s boss)

@Helenatrandom I could make you a ta-ta hat. (in reply to Helenatrandom @CandySteele Save the Ta Tas? I really need a new picture… Or maybe a ta ta hat….)

@HeatheroftheEO You’re welcome. That’s why we’re here. (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @billycoffey @katdish I will be saying “what to the ever” for the rest of my life. Thank you.)

@billycoffey Don’t make me come up there. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Oh, I’m sorry. Did I ask you? No, I didn’t.)

@Helenatrandom Oh, don’t listen to @billycoffey! The cap is lovely.

@pagan43 I’m not grumpy anymore. I kicked my cold’s butt

RT @marni71: @katdish I threw down the clean room ultimatum on Pey Peyt yesterday. Powertrips+clean rooms=Nirvana.

@marni71 I heart ultimatums.

@marni71 Here I am. Mock away. My daughter has been invited to a skating party today. I told her she wasn’t going unless her room was clean. (in reply to marni71 I’m waiting for @katdish and @redclaydiaries to be on her so I can mock the fact my kids are in school and theirs aren’t. #anticipation.)

@Brian_Russell Oh, stop being such a cranky ho, Brian. (in reply to Brian_Russell Internet Explorer is the bane of the internet. If you’re using it, you’re part of the problem.)

RT @weightwhat: RT @MrBigFists Trust me pajamas, I’m just as upset about this as you are. But hey, we’ll always have Wal Mart.

@stretchmarkmama Whew! I can breath again… (in reply to stretchmarkmama @katdish Of course I’m still following you. Like a shadow. A big creepy one.)

@stretchmarkmama Please tell me you’re still following me. (in reply to stretchmarkmama Thanks to @TheTwitCleaner I just gave a few hundred tweeple the boot. #ahh)

Fresh mascara + sneeze = Dang it!

It’s Jan 2, & across the land Protestants too lazy to take down their lites pretend to celebrate the epiphany.

@poemsandprayers It’s quite an art form. (in reply to poemsandprayers @katdish i’ve never seen chicken pushers before…)

@Brian_Russell Yes, well I’m like me, so there you go. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish He’s like that…)

@Brian_Russell Then there’s @human3rror, but he didn’t courtesy refollow me, so he’s dead to me

@TchrEric Is there some sort of training for this? Because these guys are AGGRESSIVELY giving away chicken. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Don’t recall ever seeing that happen in CA – but every mall food court here it happens….go figure….)

RT @bryanallain: Have barbecue chips ever over-delivered? They are the Fruit Stripes gum of the potato chip world.

@CandySteele he smells like eggrolls and teen spirit. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Hey, that’s the guy that sprayed perfume on me at the mall last week. Get closer. Does he smell like Eau de Squirrel?)

Would someone please explain the overly aggressive bourbon chicken samplers at the food court?

@MistiPearl Do you really expect to get a pocket Jesus for free? I’m at the mall. Nothing is free. (in reply to MistiPearl @katdish They don’t charge money for that do they?)

@MistiPearl well it’s a pocket Jesus of course! Actually, it’s just the box. Because as you might expect, He wasn’t in there (in reply to MistiPearl @katdish What?! is that?)


@weightwhat I gave up quitting. (in reply to weightwhat @sarahmsalter Nope, because I only resolve not to make resolutions. Doing good so far!)

RT @badbanana: That one set of carbon footprints in the sand is when Jesus carried me and my 60-inch plasma TV

@CandySteele It’s not the cold, it’s the humidity. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish oh shut up. I’d be out sun bathing in that.)

@CandySteele @makeadiff21 43 degrees here. Brrrr!

RT @CandySteele: @katdish this screams katdish

RT @pattidigh: every day is a new year //and some days feel like a year.

@RachelleGardner I learned I am infinitely less patient than I realized. #whatIlearned

@Brian_Russell In the grand scheme of things, does it matter that I’m slightly less obscure than you? Me thinks not

@SuperBowlSunday Thanks for following me. You know I’m in Houston, right? Is this a sympathy follow?

RT @MaggieDammit: My mother sent the children home with kazoos. My mother hates me.

@buzzbyannies Oh, sorry. (Not really) (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish @CandySteele
Candy’s quote about Boz in a Box. Quit trying to steal the glory Kat.)

@buzzbyannies Wait, which quote? The King quote or the crap quote. The crap quote was all me.

@buzzbyannies No. Sweet baby Boz. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish The one of sweet baby Jesus?)

“You must not come lightly to the blank page.” ~ Stephen King

Writers resolution: write every day. Even if it’s crap. Just write.

@jewda4 Oh, like I don’t do that already… (in reply to jewda4 @katdish that would be a good version, but a bad outcome. maybe you should eat skittles and leg drop your dog while reading a safer version)

@jewda4 And the possibility of being struck by lightning.

@jewda4 I’m waiting for the #SCL version. (in reply to jewda4 I like switching the version I use to read through the Bible each year. Last year, I read the HCSB. This year, I’m going to read the ESV.)

@CandySteele I need more coffee. I read that last tweet as “grapefruit or the porn” And now, bring on the spambots! (in reply to CandySteele @billycoffey I overslept by 2 hr today. Not sure if it was the grapefruit or the pom that put me over the edge last night.)

@billycoffey Oh, right. Nevermind @bryanallain. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Forgive your southerness? Are you serious?)

RT @tim_____: It’s 2010. And again I ask, where the heck is my flying car? The future disappoints yet again.

@bryanallain Now you’re cooking with grease! (Forgive my southerness.) (in reply to bryanallain @katdish my 1st tweet reply of 2010 goes to katdish. now that’s starting strong with nowhere to go but down.)

@bryanallain You’re supposed to start on a high note and end a miserable failure. Get with the program, Bryan. (in reply to bryanallain This is my first Tweet of 2010, and boy is it a letdown. Nowhere to go but up. Happy New Year everyone.)

Tell me you wouldn’t want to visit my church.

@weightwhat. Nope he’s wearing pants.

@weightwhat not my kitchen, but let me check. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish That’s quite a lampshade you’re wearing there… Hey, is that a mini-PCB on your kitchen counter?)

@billycoffey what? You don’t like my nasty pimp hat? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Oh that’s lovely…)

Happy new year!

I gotta get the one with toothpaste in the center.

Of all the great chocolates…

See you next year! (Don’t you hate it when people say that?)

Again, Sorry/you’re welcome!

Happy New Year Twitter!

This month will mark the one year anniversary of me being on the twitter. I got off to a slow start, but I think you’ll all agree I have made up for my lack of tweeting in the early months of 2009…

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

Why must all Petco stores smell like a hamster cage?

RT @billycoffey: @marni71 Were the pig and hedgehog IN the triple wide? Because then she would be a hillbilly.

Follow @billycoffey for insights into the subtle distinctions between rednecks and hillbillies.

@billycoffey My work here is done… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Serenity now!)

RT @billycoffey: @marni71 She’s already on probation. I think @katdish’s resolution for the year is to get canned.//Oh, pish posh!

@buzzbyannies Good point. Perhaps some garbage can bears. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish @billycoffey You may have to go slay something Billy. After all this kindler , gentler redneck talk.)

@billycoffey A kinder, gentler redneck ( in reply to billycoffey @katdish @redclaydiaries @buzzbyannies Shiny redneck?)

@buzzbyannies Oh, no Annie. You would never stir the pot. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish @billycoffey @redclaydiaries Fancy? Billy, I think that’s kind of an insult. Not to stir the pot or anything.)

@PuriChristos Says who? You’re not the boss of me. (in reply to PuriChristos Joyful New Year’s eve everyone.)

@dannyjbixby The doodlebops are deeply disturbing… (in reply to dannyjbixby @katdish Maybe it’s a combo of Whack a mole and doodlebop. If so, awesome!)

@billycoffey @redclaydiaries Carry on…

@redclaydiaries @billycoffey I must cut in here. FANCY Redneck. That’s the image we’re going for.

This just in: In addition to being an “Internet Tornado”, I am also a “Whackadoo”. Is that like Whack a Mole? B/C I dig that game.

@buzzbyannies @CandySteele Okay, I should probable be going soon too. (I said should be) I’m not the boss of me.

RT @buzzbyannies: @CandySteele You weren’t wearing your coconut bra when you said that were you? (Snort!)

@weightwhat Yes. Silly you.

@CandySteele Speaking of TWSS, where did @weightwhat go?

@prodigaljohn Do you work at 30 Rock? (in reply to prodigaljohn Awesome. The only guy who came in to work today with me is the guy who sings “Glee” songs at the top of his lungs.)

@CandySteele I love a good lollygag. ( in reply to CandySteele @JanetOber nah. RB’s working and I’m going to play catch up from Christmas. Then lollygag around all weekend)

@JanetOber I have to obey my muse. She’s not feeling ridiculous lately (Except on the twitter).

@heygip Plans? You mean other than enriching lives thru the power of social media? I think I may go shopping…

@mylestones I’m working on the book. I’ve finished all the page numbers. (Stolen from Steven Wright) (in reply to mylestones @katdish Come to think of it, Sherri’s censored you a time or 20 as well. So you’ve got a best-selling title now. All you need is the book!)

@CandySteele Do you know how terrified I was just to TAKE that picture? We must face our fears. You’re welcome. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I can’t believe you tortured dear sweet @billycoffey with that pic – and me too. GAAAAA!)

@billycoffey Oh, you wish… (in reply to billycoffey RT @katdish: To @billycoffey you’re welcome. // You’re dead to me.)

@HerbieGookins herbie!

One more from the bookstore. Seriously? It’s not rocket science people!

@mylestones Surprisingly enough, I quite often censor myself. Sad, but True. (in reply to mylestones @llbarkat @katdish so does that imply @katdish is currently “censored”? Hmm…wouldn’t have guessed that! πŸ˜‰

@llbarkat I’m not sure. But thanks for the book idea. I’ll start immediately. (in reply to llbarkat @katdish can you get those on Kindle? Does it handle dysfunction and sarcasm? πŸ™‚

Or this one?

Okay, this one?

Who says there’s no educational books for teens anymore?

To @billycoffey you’re welcome.

@pagan43 why yes. Yes it would. (in reply to pagan43 @katdish Wouldn’t that be a kindle light? Lol)

At the mall. Headed to the bookstore. Why? To find a booklight for my kindle.

RT @rachelheldevans: Re-wrote my 2009 Haiku: β€œOpposite Marriage”/ Hiked the Appalachian Trail/ Got mauled by Tiger.

RT @claritychaos: Walked in to find 6 yo had tied 3yo to bunk bed ladder before 9am. Goooooood morning.

Yay! Tweetdeck

@TchrEric You really get me, don’t you? (in reply to TchrEric RT @llbarkat: Because @katdish wants it πŸ™‚

Is following a pile of newspapers on the list? RT @tremendousnews: The 7 Twitter Sins: Which Ones Have You Committed?

@muchl8r Ooo! Jake – LOVE the new avatar. Looking very hip and writerly…

@BridgetChumbley I’m a giver…

I’m trying to keep him grounded.

Twitter friends – @billycoffey is precariously close to having as many followers as me. This cannot happen.

All books should be available on Kindle! Why? Because I just got one.

@prodigaljohn – Your book’s not available on Kindle? Wuddup with that?

The aforementioned cat which I fed, not felt.

OMGoogle! FEED a cat. Not FEEL a cat! Oy vey…

Gotta go drive across town to feel a cat. Yes, I’m a rockstar…

Reading “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield, and it’s KICKING MY BUTT!

@billycoffey I’m not afraid of much, really. Just clowns, mimes and Blue Man Group. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Don’t ask the question if you’re afraid of the answer.)

@billycoffey Lovely… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish None that are living.)

@billycoffey Any cats in your freezer? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Beets, bears, Battlestar Galactica.)

@billycoffey And you’re totally Dwight. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I like M&Ms. And you locked your keys in the car? You’re totally Kevin.)

But on the up side of things, she left her computer here.

Also? I like m&m’s…

@billycoffey Kindle is good, although I can’t get to it at the moment. Stuck at my sister’s house w/my keys locked in the car.

@billycoffey gets smacked in the head. Next on a very special Hey Look a Chicken:

For me, art is the restoration of order. It may discuss all sorts of terrible things, but there must be satisfaction at the end. A little bit of hunger, but also satisfaction. ~ Toni Morrison

RT @muchl8r: christmas music at church after christmas. #OnlybecauseiloveJesus πŸ™‚

We are the church.

I will give you a new heart & put a new spirit in you: I will remove from you your heart of stone & give you a heart of flesh ~ Ez 36:26

Mmmm…grocery store Sushi!

@sarahmsalter I don’t even have to try to be useless. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Thank you, thank you… I’m trying to be useless today, how ’bout you?)

@forthegirls Next thing you’ll be saying an 18 month old shouldn’t have a cell phone either

@forthegirls You’re so old fashioned… (in reply to forthegirls I’m just going on record, sorry if I offend, but I think an 18mo old is too young to have their own iPod Touch)

@redclaydiaries Again. It’s what I’m here for. (in reply to redclaydiaries RT @katdish: @redclaydiaries You can write about how much you love my blog. //I can always count on you for creative input)

@redclaydiaries That’s what I’m doing.

@redclaydiaries You can write about how much you love my blog. (in reply to redclaydiaries Dinner planned. White beans & ham! Yum. Thinking about Tuesday’s blog carnival on LOVE. No idea what I’ll write.)

@JanetOber No. I haven’t figured out how to text from my kindle. If my dh knew I could twitter from it, I doubt he would have gotten it.

@Helenatrandom Yes to the kindle, sadly not to the peace on earth and good will towards man.

@CandySteele And a happy Put all the crap back in the shed day to you as well.

@CandySteele Well then. It really is boxing day. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Boxing Day is the day you put the Christmas tree back in the box. Duh)

@Helenatrandom Hello my sweet Helen!

@joannesher Oh, well. I’m all up in that. (in reply to joannesher RT@katdish: What the heck is boxing day?// it’s the day after Christmas, set aside to beat up your kids for their selfish attitudes πŸ˜‰

@PuriChristos But just boxers, or does it encompass wrestlers and cage fighters? (in reply to PuriChristos @katdish it’s a day to celebrate professional fighters … duh)

What the heck is boxing day?

This too.

Enjoy the view. It’s going back in the box very soon.

@CandySteele So the whole local celebrity and trusted news anchor gig pales in comparison to a good Ron Burgandy quote on the twitter? (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I will. That was one of his prouder moments. He gloated for an hour.)

@CandySteele Just highlight his contributions on the screen. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I’ll have to point out your twitter update to him – not sure his attention span can take it tho.)

@redclaydiaries You’re at the mall already? Your slacker reputation is in serious jeopardy

@CandySteele Ron Burgandy made my twitter update. He has my permission to use that in his professional resume.

RT @PuriChristos: Merry Day after Christmas aka “who’s gonna clean up this mess day”

(Exactly@TchrEric It’s pretty bad. Boxes and wrapping paper everywhere. I won’t subject you to the photos

The morning after: My living room looks like war-torn Beruit.

Say it with me now: Sorry/You’re welcome!

I’ll be Ho for Christmas…if only on the twitter

Fair warning: This is a VERY LONG twitter post. But since it’s Christmas, I wanted to give you an extra helping of my holiday tweets (snort!). Also, two low carb monsters per day are most definitely my limit.

And now, for the very last time in 2009 (golf clap), the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

Unfortunate price sticker placement.>

For Christmas, I asked for peace on earth, good will towards men and a Kindle. And I gotta say, 1 out of 3 ain’t bad. Merry Christmas y’all!

@shrinkingcamel Wonder if there will be a toe laser hair removal gift certificate under the tree.

@shrinkingcamel She should give you forty bucks for Christmas. (in reply to shrinkingcamel I just gave my daughters 40 bucks to buy me something for Christmas. I’m sitting here in the food court at the local mall. ~sigh~)

@llbarkat I had an Aunt Hattie. I suppose she would be @hatdish. But she didn’t even drive a car, let alone operate a computer. (in reply to llbarkat @katdish @hatdish, cousin, right?)

@Doallas Who is @hatdish? (in reply to Doallas @billycoffey @hatdish @llbarkat et al Reading your tweets from last to first is a weird experience. Talk about out of body.)

But only because I don’t have a penguin cage as @llbarkat suggested.

Okay! @VariantVal has saved the day! CD case it is!

@llbarkat And I mean that in a good way.

@llbarkat You are so weird… (in reply to llbarkat RE: what to wrap a gift card in. @katdish a really big penguin cage. that’ll throw ’em for sure. πŸ™‚

@VariantVal Ooo! CD case is very good…

@CandySteele I’m fresh out of ginormous boxes.

So…what does one wrap a gift card in?

@PeterPollock INCONCEIVABLE! (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I remember a time when he won an argument with you!)

@billycoffey Now we need to stop before we make @bridgetchumbley and @sarahmsalter cry again. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish GAAA!!!)

@billycoffey Have you ever won an argument with me, Billy? Answer – No.

@billycoffey Yeah. You’re full of something all right. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’d better be glad I’m full of Christmas spirit.)

@billycoffey Pffft… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I didn’t Google her! And now I’m not telling.)

@billycoffey So who is she? I’ll wait while you google it…

@VariantVal TWSS (in reply to VariantVal @katdish I’d never google!!)

@billycoffey Oh, please… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Me? Google a baseball fact? You’re fired.)

@VariantVal @billycoffey And who the heck is Effa Manley?

@billycoffey @VariantVal Did y’all google that?

Who was the first woman elected into the national baseball hall of fame? (Hint: not Madonna)

@RachelleGardner You’re right, and I’m shiny and red. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish Oh, I thought Christmas was the time when our true colors emerge. πŸ™‚

@BridgetChumbley And happy birthday too. (in reply to BridgetChumbley RT @katdish: @billycoffey Wait…you’re ARE right! Of course you’re right. // Wow… Merry Christmas to Billy!)

@RachelleGardner I know the Rockies tanked, but Christmas is no time for bitterness, Rachelle. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish @billycoffey Totally can’t get enough baseball talk on Christmas Eve. *eye roll* It’s FOOTBALL season, people. πŸ™‚

@billycoffey Wait…you’re ARE right! Of course you’re right. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ricky Henderson was the one who led the AL in stolen bases, right?)

Daughter is now helping me wrap gifts using copious amounts of tape. I think she’s channeling @billycoffey

@billycoffey So far no Ricky Henderson answers, but I’ll keep that one in mind. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ricky Henderson.)

Okay, now she’s accusing me of cheating.

Sammy Sosa! Score!

Colorado Rockies! Yay! I finally got one right!

All wrong.

So far my answers have been Pete Rose, Nolan Ryan, Derek Jeter, and Stinky Pete.

My daughter is asking me baseball trivia questions and I’m just making stuff up.

Who was the AL base stealing champ for 9 years in the 1980s?

@CandySteele Mmmm….Chex mix! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I got back up nuthin without power. Ugh. Oh look…Chex Mix!)

@CandySteele Do you have a back up tofurky? (in reply to CandySteele Just lost power. Not good. #turkeyfail)

Who says I only pick on Buddy Love?

The angry little reindeer

@PeterPollock Thanks, Peter. You’ve truly been a blessing this year.

@llbarkat Twank you. (Ugh! Did I just type that?) (in reply to llbarkat @katdish Merry Christmas, Tweetie. πŸ™‚

Merry Christmas Twitter!

RT @weightwhat: @katdish I think Buddy Love’s plot to kill you has only been foiled due to his lack of opposable thumbs.

@Doallas The trick is mastering the choke hold. (in reply to Doallas @katdish Of course, Westies being terriers, their unwillingess to wear a Santa suit should come as no surprise.)

@BridgetChumbley She’s much cuter than Buddy and I bet she doesn’t poo in the dining room either. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish Here is what Buddy inspired…

@buzzbyannies He was COLD Annie. I’m just looking out for him. (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Poor, poor, humiliated Buddy…)

And frankly, he’s not amused.

You’d better watch out, he’s coming to town!

@ronsteele7 Your wife already scooped you on that Ron Burgandy. (in reply to ronsteele7 – Ice on brick. Still accumulating.) (To which @ronsteele7 replies quite brilliantly – @katdish One scoop a year. But I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. )

@llbarkat Well, there probably is, but now you’ve got me feeling all pressured and whatnot… (in reply to llbarkat @katdish you know, whatever you can conjure πŸ™‚ I bet there’s a poignant bone in that sweet little body somewhere)

@redclaydiaries I’m gonna call your cell phone if you don’t tweet what movie you’re in!

@redclaydiaries Quick before they tell you to put your phone away, what movie? (in reply to redclaydiaries In theater waiting 4 movie to start. Ad sound is up so loud that my ears R bleeding. Makes for a less pleasant cinematic experience.)

@llbarkat I’m assuming “fun” for me and “poignant” for @billycoffey? (in reply to llbarkat @katdish thanks for the RT. I hope you and @billycoffey try out the project. From fun to poignant, we’ll be treated to it all! πŸ™‚

@CandySteele I’d take a little ice right now. We still have mosquitos

It’s Dec 23, I’m walking around outside wearing flip flops, jeans and a sleeveless shirt. Oh, and it’s muggy outside.

@shrinkingcamel Exactly how much toe hair are we talking about here? (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish Apparently lasar-treatment can do wonders on unsightly toe-hair.)

RT @shrinkingcamel: The ladies here are having a big discussion about toe-hair. //thanks for sharing, Brad.

And really, what better way to celebrate the birth of our Savior than sitting at the nickel slots all day?

I still need to get my mom a little something for Christmas. Giving her cash, because she’s going to Vegas w/my sisters Dec 26.

@dukeslee oh please! Of Course I tresspassed! (in reply to dukeslee @katdish Creeped out, yes. Did you trespass on someone’s property to get that photo? Or is that on your front step?)

Okay, is it just me or this creep anyone else out?

Target report: surprisingly not bad. I went there to purchase gift cards for 2 families on behalf of my church. I think God worked that out.

Okay, people – I’m going to Target. Two days before Christmas. If I’m not back in 3 hours, call the authorities.

To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year ~ E.B. White

RT @prodigaljohn: “60 pound beaver attacks boy.” Quite possibly my favorite CNN headline of 2009. I think that beaver is doing P90X.

@billycoffey I’m smart like that. I know that’s like kryptonite to you. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Dang. You just had to appeal to my Christmas spirit, didn’t you?)

@billycoffey Merry Christmas! (sheepish grin) (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Uh-huh. What-ev.)

@billycoffey Like I said. I blame the monster. (in reply to billycoffey @sarahmsalter @katdish I’m reading your tweets from last night. You two have some ‘splaining to do.)

@billycoffey Good morning. Please disregard any tweets from last night. I blame the low carb monster.

P.S. – Don’t be surprised if I’m back on here in an hour.

Okay people. My giant head is filling up the tweetdeck and I really should TRY to get some sleep. Goodnight!

@emavalos Now why would I want to send an angry email to myself? I dig me.

Well, if my theory about NOT tweeting to get new followers holds true, I pretty much blew that in the past 10 minutes.

I’m really glad @billycoffey is off tomorrow & spending the day w/his family. He probably won’t even have time to send me a nasty email.

@sarahmsalter No offense to @billycoffey, but who DOESN’T wrap better than @billycoffey?

@BridgetChumbley You should have 1 or 4 low carb monsters. I think I could rewrite War and Peace right now. (in reply to BridgetChumbley Brain is completely empty when it comes to what I’m trying to ‘recall’ for my blog post.)

Yes, I know I RTed myself, but no one else did it for me. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

RT @katdish: If @billycoffey wrote like he wraps presents, y’all would all be saying “who’s billy coffey?” #justsaying

@sarahmsalter You and me both! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish I like snarky Katdish. :o)

Also? 4 low carb monsters apparently makes me a bit snarky…

@mapdentists Thank for that helpful diet & exercise advice. I often ask my dentist about these things.

If @billycoffey wrote like he wraps presents, y’all would all be saying “who’s billy coffey?” #justsaying

It’s the little things in life, you know?

YAY! My tweetdeck is now fully functional.

What is happening?

Okay, @CandySteele tweets “I have a housefull of meat this week” & @weightwhat doesn’t throw down a TWSS?

Note to self: Limit yourself to 2 low carb monsters per day. 4 is definitely too many.

@BridgetChumbley I heart #randomhashtags (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I almost fell off the couch on that one… I’ve introduced a lot more roughage into my diet… #regularityisamust)

Surely there’s no correlation there, right?

Not that I’m complaining, but I’ve had a bunch of new followers today & I’ve hardly tweeted. Hmmm…

Well crap. That didn’t work.

@katdish – hey you know what? If I talk to myself it shows up in my mentions column AND I get to talk to myself! Win-win.

@BridgetChumbley DMs or B…Oh wait. That’s tacky… (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I guarantee it! My DM’s haven’t been right in a long time!)

@BridgetChumbley Or not…

@BridgetChumbley I can’t see my mentions or my DM column! I’m quite sure some important folks are trying to talk to me!

No offense, apple crap fans!

@MattTCoNP I’m not aware of anything apple-themed that isn’t crap. (in reply to MattTCoNP @katdish Apple themed stuff sounds great, just as long as it is crap.)

@DougSpur Ooo! Good one. How about – my very best plasticware. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish oxymoron – my bald friend named harry)

@rachelheldevans HA! Well, there you go… (in reply to rachelheldevans @katdish “perfect man”)

RT @kylaaak: Oxymoron time! My favorite is “jumbo shrimp”. Whats yours? #fb >>prosperity gospel

@MattTCoNP I could send you some coffee mugs and assorted apple themed crap. (in reply to MattTCoNP …But the rest of the kids really let me down! Where’s my presents?!)

@sarahmsalter It’s both! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Maybe I’ll just write him a check and let him go to Walmart and buy his own gift. Is that lazy or smart?)

@sarahmsalter although I must say, some of @billycoffey’s best stories take place at Walmart.

@sarahmsalter Gaaa! Not the Walmarts!

@CandySteele TWSS.

@CandySteele I don’t need to go to Booty Camp. I’ve got plenty of booty.( in reply to CandySteele @katdish @sarahmsalter I’m sending you guys to Boot(y) Camp. For shame.)

Stupid, stupid prayer cross commercial…

@sarahmsalter I swear, I took one bite and had to go to the dentist.
@CandySteele My friend Pat once made bread pudding out of day old Krispy Kreme donuts.

@CandySteele It’s the perfect bad food combination. Throw in a pack of Marlboro Reds and you have the perfect tri-fecta.

@redclaydiaries There’s no telling. But you’re welcome. That’s what I’m here for.( in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish What would I do without your “encouragement?”)

@mylestones @redclaydiaries likes it when I encourage her. It’s one of my spiritual gifts, you know.

@redclaydiaries Dude, who DOESN’T make you look bad when it comes to posting?

Went to the mall, looked at the parking lot & went to Kroger. Did you know you can get Best buy gift cards there? Yeppers.

RT @weightwhat: RT @thedayhascome I couldn’t find a gift that conveys my general dislike for you, so I got you this fruitcake instead.

@weightwhat Thanks Wendy. That was craptastic!

@helenatrandom Adeste fideles,Laeti triumphantes; Venite, venite in Bethlehem; Natum videte, Regem Angelorum

@mandythompson Gotta love the government! No really, they’re trying to pass a law saying as much.

@ronsteele7 And yet you’re still not following me… (in reply to ronsteele7 @katdish Yes she did—but I am for real now–and you’ll know it’s me—because–I use too many dashes—(she says)

RT @marni71: RT @PuriChristos: Hey everyone, take a minute and pray for @Helenatrandom’s mom, she is in the hospital//Yes let’s do…

@ronsteele7 Even if your wife did tweet that for you…

@ronsteele7 NOW who feels special? (Answer? I do!) (in reply to ronsteele7 @katdish I heard that. I’m going to start paying closer attention to my favorite dish)

Watching Blades of Glory because I have very refined taste in movies.

@CandySteele Oh goody! Yet another opportunity to be ignored by Ron Burgandy! (in reply to CandySteele @redclaydiaries @BridgetChumbley BIG step tonight – RB wants me to set up a FB page. Good idea or social media suicide??)

@sarahmsalter you’re the very best Sarah Salter I know. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish You have a lot of lovely qualities that I wouldn’t mind being like. BUT I also like to be an individual on occasion. πŸ™‚

My favorite Christmas card this year. Thanks Boz! and @buzzbyannies

@dukeslee He’s actually quite the fashionista in his own way. But don’t tell him I said that. (in reply to dukeslee @katdish He’s unusually quiet on matters of fashion, isn’t he? In time, in time … Keep working on him.)

HeatherSunseri We’re going for a fancy redneck look for @billycoffey (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish @billycoffey I like sequins. What are we putting sequins on?)

@billycoffey How do you feel about sequins? (in reply to billycoffey @dukeslee @katdish Oh I can’t wait to see what you two came up with…)

RT @dukeslee: @katdish Have him use a Bedazzler on his Carhartts. // Brilliant!

@dukeslee I know. I’m really trying to push the “Fancy Redneck” image. (in reply to dukeslee @katdish As part of his PR team, u r doing a fine job in helping him brush up on his image. More Target; less Walmart. When will he listen?)

@dukeslee I told him he should have gone to Target.

@billycoffey Sort of a Misery meets Larry the Cable Guy sort of story? (in reply to billycoffey @RachelleGardner I could, but that rewrite would be a horror story and I’m not sure if you’d represent it.)

@billycoffey Well done grasshopper.

Sniff…so proud…RT @billycoffey: Headed to Walmart with a huge snowstorm looming. Hey, that sounds familiar ~

@billycoffey I read somewhere that God hates the Yankees. Where was that? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish If God liked me better, the Yankees would win EVERY year.)

@CandySteele Sweet Fancy Moses! You ordered a 4 legged turkey?

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