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Twitter goes to the Mall

Whew! I’ve been absent from the computer so much this week I thought I wouldn’t even have enough tweets to fill a blog post. But then I took twitter to the mall with me and redeemed myself. So now I give you…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

Sheesh! Shopping in the rain is a drag.

@PuriChristos is it opposite day? No one told me. (in reply to PuriChristos @sarahmsalter but even that is @katdish’s fault because I only do what I think she would want me to do.)

I’m sending this to @weightwhat.

I could probably have my shopping done by now if I quit taking twitpics. But that’s how much I love you.

Why? Just why? Giant dust magnet.

Okay, this scary Santa dude is everywhere!

RT @sarahmsalter: @weightwhat Girl, Twitter’s been actin’ the fool ALL DAY. I don’t think it’s @katdish’s fault this time.//Ha!

What do you give someone who loves nutcrackers AND Star Wars (besides understanding and support)?

@billycoffey Marshalls has a nice selection of nasty pimp hats. #justsaying.

The snug sack: accept no substitutes.

Here’s a gift that says, “You know, I never really liked you.”

For the person that has everything, llama in a box.

I think I found a skirt to wear for Christmas eve. Little tight in the waist, though.

@redclaydiaries Tweet tight? TW…ah, nevermind…(in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish @sarahmsalter I’d better get to bed. The husband is giving me the evil eye. Good night! Tweet tight! (I crack myself up…)

@sarahmsalter I know the Feliz Navidad part, I just mumble the rest of the words( in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish You already know Feliz Navidad. Right?)

@redclaydiaries And speaking of re-gifting, my crap closet is filling up again, and it’s not even Christmas yet. I smell a giveaway!

@sarahmsalter I really should learn especially since everyone speaks Spanish to me anyway

@sarahmsalter But yes. My Spanish is el sucko

@sarahmsalter Now that’s just sad. I live in SE Texas & I’m being offered Spanish lessons by a gal from NC. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Yes! I LOVED it! That was AWESOME! (And I totally need to teach you some Spanish.)

@sarahmsalter Yes, but you’re organized and a tad OCD. I’m like that, only completely different.( in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish I walk into each store with a list. I get exactly what’s on the list and GET OUT. I don’t like crowds or fighting for parking.)

@sarahmsalter I’m pacing myself, Sarah… (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Good gosh, Woman. How much shopping do you have to do?)

I’ve been absent from the twitter quite a bit this week. And yet I’m still not finished with my shopping.

@muchl8r Suck in your head? (in reply to muchl8r Carol of the bells suck-in- my. . .head. . . Slowly. . .k-illing me.)

@PuriChristos You must be channeling Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver.

Follow @billycoffey NOW!

But first…Obama gave himself a B+. Sure wish he had been my 9th grade math teacher…

Gotta go do another #tendollarblessing, ninja style…

@shrinkingcamel Oh, Brad. You know I’m not the boss of me. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish @poemsandprayers Thx for the RTs! Hope you don’t have toxic employers…(esp. since u r both self-employed)

@PuriChristos Since it’s Christmas, I won’t make a comment about your little po-dunk town. (in reply to PuriChristos @katdish had a visitor in the church yesterday that moved here from Houston. Talk about trading up.)

@redclaydiaries Dog Videos: Next, on a very special Red Clay Diaries…

@HeatheroftheEO We are quite the banterers, aren’t we? (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @redclaydiaries @katdish Hi ya! I’ve missed your twitter banter. (you know I think you should get some kind of banter award, right?)

But I would never do that (on the twitter)

Jerry Seinfeld might call Tiger Woods a male bimbo, or a Mimbo…

Guess how many twitter posts this makes for me? That’s right – twenty-eight. Sorry/you’re welcome.

More twitter caroling, Houston snow and weiner poopie

Okay, yes. It snowed in Houston last week. Old news. It’s all gone but the memories. More twitter caroling and whatnot. Also, I received an multiple recipient email with approximately 3,500 responses in the span of 20 minutes. Hence the exploding head tweet…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:
@PuriChristos Cuz you ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

@PuriChristos So, I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas Mommy and Daddy are mad. I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas

@PuriChristos I did a dance on Mommy’s plants Climbed a tree and tore my pants Filled the sugar bowl with ants Somebody snitched on me.

@sarahmsalter @br8kthru Well, best I can figure, @weightwhat broke spades w/some kind of bodily function tweet. Am I right?

@br8kthru @sarahmsalter @weightwhat @redclaydiaries I don’t even want to know what y’all are talking about…

RT @stretchmarkmama: @prodigaljohn Are you like eight feet tall? //If by “8′ tall” you mean “No”, then yes.

So, did you hear? I’m a “powerful internet tornado” (snort!):

@sarahmsalter I have no problem w/dollar store, I’m just anti-crap. I hate it when someone says, “Look! This was only $1” if it’s not needed

@marni71 @sarahmsalter (Slowly shaking my head in disapproval…)

@redclaydiaries You know what works for that? A recipe. Written down. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Thank you. It always takes me 1 batch to remember how to make fudge. ADD is a b****)

@marni71 Don’t forget to dust the antlers before you decorate. ( in reply to marni71 @redclaydiaries @katdish @CandySteele @SBeeCreations Good morning ladies. I’m transforming my office into a Christmas wonderland.)

@PeterPollock It’s mad at me for dissing it on the twitter. ( in reply to PeterPollock Intense Debate is having HUGE problems on my blog today. Don’t give up though. Better to have 2 comments the same from you than none!)

@redclaydiaries Oh, well that sounds disgusting. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish U might like my first batch. More grainy than fudgey.)

@gyoung9751 I am now following your lovely wife, @Janet52young

22 entries on the #tendollarchallenge. Awesome…

@PuriChristos I just don’t like the idea of having comments rated. Just bugs me

@redclaydiaries You know what? I don’t like fudge. Too fudgey…

@muchl8r , et. al. – Why I hate The Prayer Cross commercial:

@muchl8r Yesh! My day was going very well. But now that Prayer Cross commercial is on and I want to punch someone in the neck.

@bryanallain Oh, I’m all up in that

RT @bryanallain: KILLER DEAL at Amazon right now on ALL 190 episodes of Seinfeld on DVD – $84.99 (from $250.99)

@PuriChristos Yet another reason I hate intense debate.

@billycoffey Sigh. I know. If it wasn’t for the heated garage, I don’t know what I would have done. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I can’t believe your car even started in those temperatures.)

@billycoffey I know. It’s horrid… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You poor thing.)

@CandySteele @buzzbyannies @billycoffey It’s a chilly 37 here. I drove my daughter to the bus stop.

@kenworley What a bunch wet blankets… (in reply to kenworley @katdish Good morning. I don’t think the other people in the office would like it if I wore fuzzy pj this morning.)

Good Morning Twitter! It’s looking like a fuzzy pj sort of morning!

Super Cool Pastor/Church Planter/Twitter Snob Vince Antonucci is doing something awesome, you should check it out

“We have absolute verification that our suspect lives here. His phone no. is on this pizza box”~Dog the Bounty Hunter

@charliewetzel you ARE a mean one Mr. Grinch!

Behold! Whoville at night!

@llbarkat Tell you what, next time I’m in NY, I’ll buy you a venti and one of those fancy muffins. (in reply to llbarkat @katdish you can’t leave. I’m waiting for my coffee. 🙂

Okay, people! Gotta go paint a laundry room today. For money. I’ll have to enrich all your lives later…

RT @pagan43: @billycoffey Cheese and wine go well together. Do not let them abuse you ! //Oh, he loves it…

@redclaydiaries Don’t forget your snuggie… (in reply to redclaydiaries Spending the day out. Which means I’m fully dressed. In clothes. That match. And wearing shoes. U wouldn’t recognize me)

RT @HeatheroftheEO: @billycoffey Yes, no more Mr. Whiney Whinerton. Rain Shmain 🙂

@billycoffey Sorry, have I not called you that before? My bad… (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Now you’re calling me cheesy?!)

RT @sarahmsalter: @billycoffey A casserole is a complex, but often comforting mixture. I think that fits. //& cheesy – don’t forget cheesy

@gyoung9751 I know…we’re weather wussies. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish When we lived in Houston, it snowed once – 1/2 inch. Paralyzed the city.)

RT @mabeswife: RT: @JeffAbram: Hate cannot run out hate, only love can do that. – Martin Luther King @quotme

@MattTCoNP @buzzbyannies Shaddup

“You are a human casserole, Mr. Coffey.” – @candysteele

@gyoung9751 Well, not if you live in St. Louis. That’s big news in SE Texas.

The lovely & talented @JeanneDamoff wrote a very nice post where she calls me “adorably incorrigible”

@TheBloggess You’re a little too far southeast. Been to West Texas lately? (in reply to TheBloggess Also? Horny toads. Where have all the horny toads gone? I can only assume they’re with the tumbleweeds.)

@billycoffey Well you’ve all heard the storyAbout Rudolph and his nose Well I’ll tell you a Christmas tell That never has been told

@pagan43 Um…ewh. (in reply to pagan43 @katdish Weiner Poopie is waaaay funnnnee. Not like Rotweiler Poopie, which has buttons,fabric scraps and all manner of debris. KC)

@bryanallain I think you just like typing weiner poopie.

RT @bryanallain Weiner Poopie

@llbarkat A client asked me how much I would charge her to paint all the woodwork in her house. I quoted her a million dollars.

@marni71 My mom buys me clothes for Christmas. She wraps them in the hanging bag w/the hangers still on them. (in reply to marni71 @makeadiff21 What is this “wrap” of which you speak. If it doesn’t fit in a gift bag, I don’t buy it.)

@marni71 Ugh! (in reply to marni71 @sarahmsalter @katdish @billycoffey @makeadiff21 Good Morning! There are 17 shopping days left until Christmas. You’re welcome.)

Safety warning! Do NOT eat the new ZHU ZHU pets toy. Thank GOODNESS I read that…

@BridgetChumbley Now I’ve got that song in my head. Anticipay,yay,tion is making me wait…

RT @BridgetChumbley: New Post: One Word at a Time…’Anticipation’

Oh GAAAA!!! Joel Osteen is on my tv! Where’s the remote?

RT @CarolynHoyt: What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.

@CandySteele No, sigh…it’s all gone. I can’t believe you didn’t choose to bless that guy with whole milk & a pack of smokes!

RT @Brian_Russell: Saw a license plate on a Corvette that said “RT THIS”. You, sir, are a nerd.

@CandySteele I’ll tell her after she stops crying about what you said.

@CandySteele Are you dissing my daughter’s snowman? Do you want to make her cry or something?

@PuriChristos Yes. It’s about 2 feet high. I’ve NEVER seen this much snow in Houston, & it’s still coming down.

@redclaydiaries I think @charliewetzels tweet is a TWSS comment waiting to happen.

Can I sub in watermelons? #randomemailquotes

Deep breath…AHEM. #followfriday @myapronstrings & mucho thanks for the $10 Challenge button design

@redclaydiaries What you need is a good coconut bra #randomemailquotes

@billycoffey Don’t you start with me… (in reply to billycoffey @sarahmsalter Oh, @katdish doesn’t pay any attention to me anymore. I keep her too busy.)

Dear Twitter, If you don’t hear back from me today, it’s because my head exploded. Love, katdish

I just found out school is letting out early because of weather conditions. Okay, seriously? Michigan is laughing at us.

RT @jewda4: taking the road less traveled is generally a wise move, except in heavy snow with a 4-cyl car

Nooo! RT @Helenatrandom: Here’s a secret about me….Sometimes I get carried away and go a little overboard. Shhh…Don’t tell anyone.

RT @PeterPollock: Follow @billycoffey He’s written the best fiction novel of 2010! #followfriday
@Helenatrandom Ah, yes…thank goodness for Al Gore (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish It must be the fault of………….GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!!)

It’s snowing in Houston!

@sarahmsalter Mmmm…..monkey!

Sorry/You’re Welcome

Christmas decorating, Twitter caroling and laundry – I’m a multi-tasker!

This week @HelenatRandom came up with the fabulous idea of Twitter Caroling, which frankly took about two or three emails for me to grasp what the heck she was talking about — I’m sort of dumb sometimes. Anyhoo, it was a great way to get into the Christmas spirit. Helen is like our random, cheery cruise director on the twitter. I even got serenaded by the beautiful, classic Christmas favorite, “Grandma got run over by a reindeer.” Appropriate, don’t you think?

Got my Christmas lights and yard art up, too. Overall a very productive week on and off the twitter.

So, here’s the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@sarahmsalter That’s why I use symbols like @$$ (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish I try to keep it rated-PG.)

@sarahmsalter Or a wise something… (in reply to sarahmsalter @billycoffey A search party to find baby Jesus… Well, that must make you a wise man. Or at least a wise guy.)

Yard art envy

@JodyHedlund Yeah, hold out as long as you can. When my kids gave up naps I was like, “Well NOW when am I supposed to take a shower?”

@JodyHedlund Wait…your 4 year old still takes naps? Lucky!

@redclaydiaries Well, after the baby Jesus at McDonalds comment, I wouldn’t be so sure.

@redclaydiaries Is there lightning in the greater Georgia area? Think I might stay inside if I were you…

@redclaydiaries Dang, you beat me to the breaking wind comment…

@PuriChristos Uh, huh…got my link didn’t I? (in reply to PuriChristos For lazy people like @katdish you can get to using this short url

@PuriChristos You should provide a link.

@kenworley It’s sort of an ongoing conversation, Ken (in reply to kenworley @katdish are you talking to your-self again.)

Yesh! 2 loads away from completing the laundry! What’s that?…Is everything folded and put away?…Oh, shut up.

@indymavs Good for you! I just pulled 4 paper towels, a gum wrapper & a pen out of one load of jeans. (in reply to indymavs @katdish mine are typically trash-free)

Oh, okay…So @prodigaljohn gets Little Drummer Boy, @stacyasmallSFL get Emmanuel, and I get Grandma got run over by a Reindeer? Nice…

@br8kthru You’re like a weird combination of Michael Scott and Joey from “Friends”.

Laundry Day Survey: Do all menfolk use their pockets as tiny trash receptacles, or is it just my household?

@bryanallain Today? Oh, enriching lives thru the power of social media and laundry. (in reply to bryanallain @katdish good morning to you as well. what’s on tap for today?)

@stacyasmallSFL In ancient times did’st give the LawIn cloud, & majesty and awe. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Okay, my friends. I gotta get some sleep! Goodnight all! And goodnight @HerbieGookins, wherever you are!

@weightwhat Dang! I was trying to beat you to the TWSS!

@sarahmsalter TWSS

@sarahmsalter You’re gonna hook up with Mr. Linky in the morning? And…..

RT @human3rror: Wow. Fire in the apple store. Kicked out by fire marshals. //WHAT DID YOU DO???

RT @weightwhat: Me thinks that @billycoffey doth protest too much. // I concur…

RT @billycoffey: Came home to find my wife playing the Kenny G Christmas CD. I suddenly hate this time of year

@weightwhat Sweat pants. (in reply to weightwhat I’m going to Sonic for the 1st time. Any recommendations?)

@HeatherSunseri Sorry. @helenatrandom was having TWS – twitter withdrawl syndrome. Not to be confused with TWSS.

This is a test.

@TAnneAdams Writers always see the glass half empty, huh? With a chip and a lipstick stain on the side.

RT @TAnneAdams: SO strange not have a word count hanging over your head. Although, I’m sure edits will find a fresh way to stress me out.

RT @kelli1227: Black Friday observation: wearing Crocs and a Snuggie at Macys after lunch is not cool. Really.

My weaknesses? Well, I oversleep and call in sick a lot. #NotToSayOnJobInterview

RT @InkPanther: I love starting fires. #NotToSayOnJobInterview

RT @marni71: Seriously! Who let’s Bruce Springsteen record Christmas music? It sounds like he’s having a colonoscopy when he sings…

RT @marni71: @katdish So now you’re a lunch menu pharisee as well? // No, I just don’t eat fish out of a can.

RT @marni71: @Helenatrandom I know! Spray cheese does sound good. Especially with @pagan43’s potted meat and saltines. //VURP!

OMGoogle, what a geek: RT @PuriChristos: at 12:42 and 10 seconds my binary clock makes a really cool arrow pointing up.

@redclaydiaries Oh, don’t worry. It’s just my imaginary friend Steph trying to steal our yard art.( in reply to redclaydiaries RT @katdish: @redclaydiaries It would make baby Jesus happy. //Mommy, what’s that scary shadow on my curtains?)

And of course sweet baby Jesus.

Exhibit B

Exhibit A

@marni71 I’m katdish. That’s what I do… (in reply to marni71 @sarahmsalter I think it counts! Don’t ask @katdish since she’s being a Christmas decoration pharisee)

@marni71 Well don’t hurt yourself going all out. (in reply to marni71 @katdish @redclaydiaries we’re gonna put a green light bulb in the porch light and red ones in the landscape lights and calling it a day.)

@redclaydiaries Oh, you’re just getting back from vacation. I’ll sit in judgment of you mid-week.

@redclaydiaries Hey there Steph! Did you hear I already have my Christmas lights up?

@marni71 Shaddup… (in reply to marni71 @katdish Today is Monday. Did your kids miss school? Nice parenting…)

@marni71 I’m okay now. Last night I thought today was Monday. Kinda freaked me out.

Hello Twitter! Miss me? I’ve been putting up my Christmas lights and yard art so that I can sit in judgment of those of you who haven’t.

My daughter gives my sister a Thanksgiving makeover. I am grateful my sister is not on the Twitter.

Clearly, the cows are terrified.

@JanetOber 6 months ago if you googled “katdish” I didn’t show up for a few pages. Shameless self promotion is a rare and beautiful thing.

If you google “katdish” you will find a web designer by the same name. A fact that @peterpollock no doubt finds hilarious.

And again, sorry/you’re welcome!

Thankful for the Twitter

You would think with getting my house ready for guests and Thanksgiving, I wouldn’t have much time to be on the twitter. And you would be wrong…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@PeterPollock Wow. I think you’ve been hanging around me too long. Either that or you’ve been hitting the box wine early. (in reply to @katdish well… @DaleChumbley managed to RT it… but I guess it takes a man to skillfully shorten a tweet!)

@PeterPollock Thanks Peter. I would RT it, but it’s too many characters.

We haven’t eaten yet! I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking…

@CandySteele The goose is arriving in a couple of hours. Year 44 of NOT cooking a turkey and counting.

@Helenatrandom “beef tongue” and “delightful” should never be used together in a sentence.

@Helenatrandom Bet @bryanallain isn’t THAT hungry…

RT @Helenatrandom: @bryanallain I have a great recipe for beef tongue…//GAAAAAA!!!!!

@bryanallain When are you NOT hungry, Bryan?

Also known as the “McKnuckle” RT @MattTCoNP: Just as I’m starting to have some self esteem, McDonald’s announces McRib is back!

Gotta go walk the dog. (Not a euphemism)

@MattTCoNP Oh, Matt. You always sound grumpy.

@MattTCoNP Good morning, Matt! Getting your grump on early this morning?

RT @joannamuses: RT @FakeAPStylebook: For balance, Thanksgiving articles should also contain quotes from devastated turkey families.

@CandySteele Answer: “And I get to use my offset spatula”. Question: Name a phrase katdish would never say.

RT @marni71: @prodigaljohn dude, dial down your freak magnet.

Oh wait. Let me poke them with a stick. They love that.

Fire ants in November. Try not to be jealous.

@sarahmsalter oh Sarah, you’re such a girl. (in reply to @katdish EEEEWWWWW!)

@PuriChristos it was already dead. But I did chop up a big one with a riding lawn mower once. It was awesome. Thunk, thunk, THUNK! (in reply to @katdish What did you do?)

Dead baby snake

Merry Christmas Buddy Love!

Note to self: You are too old to sit criss-cross applesauce for long periods of time.

Or is that “blogging”? I’m so confused…

Now I gotta go back to “writing”…

I’m off to get a haircut then see about renting a bulldozer to clean my kids’ rooms.

@JeanneDamoff Snort! (in reply to @katdish @heathersunseri @billeycoffey The Dread Pirate Coffey works, but I have dibs on The Dread Pirate Roberta. (I also have the pants.)

@billycoffey What about The Dread Pirate Coffey?

@HeatherSunseri Biff, huh? Well, whatever you do, don’t call him Bill.

@HeatherSunseri He’s a fancy redneck.

@JeanneDamoff Just the shoes. I can’t tell you where the witch is until the statutes of limitations has expired. (in reply to @katdish Does your dead potted plant wear red polka-dotted shoes? Or did it land on the wicked witch of the west? Mysteries abound.)


Having company this week. Guess I should put a new plant on the front porch.

@marni71 I know. Everyone wants to support “your vision”, just as long as you do it their way.

@Helenatrandom My Sweet Helen! How I’ve missed you!

@CandySteele Who me? Never. But I come from a long line of squeaky, loud, obnoxious wheels. (in reply to @katdish you say that like you have experience.)

@redclaydiaries Remember: Squeaky, loud, obnoxious wheel! (in reply to @sarahmsalter @katdish @CandySteele @billycoffey et al, I’m ok w snakes &/or spiders. Hi & Bye. Off to see doctor. AGAIN. C U l8r)

@sarahmsalter Has Charlotte’s Web taught us nothing?

For those of you put off by the picture on my post today, be glad I didn’t post this one:

@PuriChristos The monkey spider airplane tweet.

@PuriChristos What the heck are you talking about? Did you forget your meds this morning?

@redclaydiaries It was the grocery store sushi references I’m sure.

@redclaydiaries and Belgium of course…

@redclaydiaries Well that explains why I’ve only had two hits from China! They love me in Japan!

@PeterPollock Snort! Good one… (in reply to @katdish Aww, you haven’t called me that in a while!)

@PeterPollock Oh, shut up. You know what I’m talking about. (in reply to @katdish What time machine book has your daughter read?)

@JanetOber The only thing you should eat from a gas station is a fried burrito with ketchup, and then only from Allsups.

@PeterPollock Everytime I mention “the book”, my daughter says, Oooo! The time machine book? I LOVE that book!

@PeterPollock Well, they do share a fondness for black cowboy hats.

@PeterPollock Who is Trace Adkins?

RT @PeterPollock: My daughter just saw a picture of Trace Adkins and asked “Is that @billycoffey?”

@unmarketing Well then, I’m doing it right. (in reply to @katdish by not asking people to validate their existence)

@unmarketing so how do you do it right? (in reply to If ur using TrueTwit validation to make ppl verify they’re a real person, ur doing it wrong. And ur unfollowed now)

@sarahmsalter it’s not that I can’t cook, I just don’t like to. If it was up to me we would eat sandwiches all the time.

@CandySteele I’m too lazy to do that. I don’t like chopping stuff either. Or cooking. I’m pretty much worthless in the kitchen.

“these French fries taste like salty potatoes.” – my daughter

@RobinMArnold her teacher said she knew something was up when she asked her how to spell diarrhea.

@noveldoctor Ooo! Can I be one of your minions? I’ll have family over, but they’ll be in a tryptophan coma by 3ish… (in reply to FYI: While everyone in America is tripping on tryptophan next Thurs, I’m plotting a takeover of Twitter.

@br8kthru I wouldn’t know… (in reply to @katdish neither does being humble. 🙂

@llbarkat being right never gets old.

RT @llbarkat: Well @katdish will be happy about the cover. Hoping you will be too

@HeatheroftheEO I’m been hearing that a lot lately. But I know better…YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME!

RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish GET OFF MY BACK. Thank you. //Just trying to help you help me.

@redclaydiaries My inbox is seriously lacking in an email from you…

The Airing of the Grievances

I’ve always appreciated a writer’s job. They can take the obvious and make it new, can create entire new worlds, and can convey the deepest and darkest of human emotions. But it’s only been recently when I discovered they can also be a pain in the…well, you know.

But alas, it is my calling to help navigate the waters of social media. It is my cross to bear…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

RT @muchl8r: I just got man-whiched between a large boss and a big graphic artist at work. . . Where’s my HR Person?

RT @TonyCToday: RT @misstexan: Cigarette smoke, b.o., and cheap cologne- do I work in a bar? No. Just a high school.

RT @stretchmarkmama: I’m flossing before noon. I hate to be so transparent like that, but there it is.

@TonyCToday Well, as long as you’re emotionally shattered already, you should read my post today

@TonyCToday So do I! But does being able to punch one make it better. I’m thinking yes.


Remember these?:

@billycoffey Well of course you’ve taught me something: how to deal with crazy writer people.

“There’s no doubt that Jesus’ action created one king-sized moment of awkward silence.” – Jeff Hogan, C3

And since Michelle broke spades with her comment, then YES, that’s exactly what that tree looks like:

@billycoffey Buh, bye…

@billycoffey You’re right. I am very thankful that I can remove people from my friends column whenever they make me mad. (in reply to @katdish Quit griping and be thankful.)

@billycoffey Meh? Now what kind of attitude is that. This is your best life NOW!

@billycoffey Turn that frown upside down Mr. Coffey! (in reply to @katdish A cloudy, cold day that promises rain. That’s what’s up.)

RT @prodigaljohn: SCL crew raised $950 to match donations to Vietnam today. Give $1, we’ll match it. $20? Matched

I heart direct messaging…(in reply to a DM sent to @HelenatRandom – I crack myself up.)

@Helenatrandom Oh, I’m in…

@billycoffey Whatever helps you sleep at night, Billy. (in reply to @katdish Well, I’m a redneck. Rednecks are tougher than samurai ninjas.)

@billycoffey That too… (in reply to @katdish Thought you were a samurai.)

@billycoffey Of course not. I’m a ninja. (in reply to @katdish Ah, morning katdish! I didn’t see you lurking.)

@billycoffey Well bah humbug to you too!

Follow @PeterPollock . Okay? Good

RT @prodigaljohn: Play matchmaker? @katdish will $1 for evry $5 the Acuffs match tom for $500 for Vietnam. You in? 25cent match means $25

RT @prodigaljohn: I’ve got 5 on it. Tomorrow, Acuff family is matching the 1st 100 $5 donations for 2nd kindgrten

@llbarkat We’re devising a clever marketing plan for your book. You’re welcome. (in reply to Are you guys talking behind my Twitter? @katdish @gyoung9751 🙂

@gyoung9751 Have you ever bought a book based on its cover? I know they say you can’t judge one by it, but I think people still do

@gyoung9751 And my answer is, Number 2

@gyoung9751 Not to sound like a complete sell out, but I ask myself, “Which cover would people gravitate towards at a bookstore?”

@llbarkat So let me ask you, what are you trying to convey with the cover art? What mood do you want to set?

@BridgetChumbley No. I’m the boss. (in reply to @katdish Well, you are the boss… or wait, is that @billycoffey? I get so confused!)

@BridgetChumbley Well I mind! Slacker… (in reply to @billycoffey Of course not. You can add that link whenever you are ready & able. How are you feeling?)

How early is too early for grocery store sushi? I got a hankerin

RT @muchl8r: MMMM-Bop! //What???? Hanson? Really? Has hell frozen over?

Hey! You know what? I think I’m pretty smart. I really don’t want to take your DM IQ test. Thanks anyway Spammy McSpammer!

@muchl8r Will there be thinly veiled threats of violence? (Say yes)

@HerbieGookins I’ve missed your long, seemingly unrelated to content comments on my blog.

@HeatherSunseri Okay, sorry. That was kinda gross…

@HeatherSunseri That’s what the Imodium said too… (in reply to @billycoffey @katdish You guys are so cute. This too shall pass. That’s what my mama always says.)

@HeatherSunseri I didn’t quit. He’s just being disagreeable. (in reply to @billycoffey By the way, before I reject or accept the job, what did you do to make @katdish quit?)

@billycoffey Oh, shut up… (in reply to @katdish Funny, mine’s doing the same thing.)

@billycoffey Oh, wow. You should see my DM column filling up right now… (in reply to @katdish YOU CAN’T QUIT ME!)

Hey! Any writers out there looking to be made a household name? I may be available soon.

RT @billycoffey: @sarahmsalter Is that what @katdish does? Look out for me?

@sarahmsalter It’s darned near a full time job. (in reply to @katdish I understand. You’re looking out for @billycoffey’s best interests. :o)

@sarahmsalter I’m not the boss of him. I just strongly suggest things

@redclaydiaries Perhaps you just needed a good blood letting.

#FF @br8kthru Because he rocks the sweater vest.

@RachelleGardner So the query delivered by the singing gorilla telegram was not impressive? Dang… (in reply to Writers: Pretty much anything you do to get our attn in your query, besides a terrific blurb, is wasted effort. #pubtip)

@DaleChumbley Aw, Dale. No one should ever get credit for your stupidity but you.

@redclaydiaries How did I miss the waffle ho conversation? Stupid non virtual life…

And of course…Sorry/you’re welcome!

Seeing the forest for the trees

“You can’t see the forest for the trees.” We’ve all heard that expression, right? It means you get so caught up in the little picture that you fail to see the big picture. I sort of had a “seeing the forest” moment while going through my tweets from this week. It occured to me that I might come off as a tad blunt and maybe a bit direct. Has this revelation caused me to pause and reflect on whether my tweets might be taken the wrong way?

Heck no. I just wanted you to know that I know that about myself. Besides, I think you should say what you mean and mean what you say. Life is much less complicated that way…

Without further adieu, the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@br8kthru You know, if you wanted to. I would never tell anyone what to do.

@br8kthru You need to switch to tweetdeck.

@br8kthru You need to make some calls…

@PeterPollock Thank you, Peter. You shall remain in my good graces for the rest of the day.

@PeterPollock Okay, maybe I am. But still…

@PeterPollock I’m not tweeting this stuff for my own personal enjoyment you know.

@PeterPollock Would you please tell @br8kthru that he needs to fix his PeopleBrowser so he can see my tweets?

But I’ll settle of one out of three…

Peace on earth, goodwill towards men, and a Kindle.

What does @katdish want for Christmas?

@br8kthru You’re welcome, also Jason. Am I still not showing up?

Welcome @TAnneAdams to the twitter. Now kindly change your avatar. That bird freaks me out.

RT @tremendousnews: “I met my boyfriend on Twitter. God. I wish I could go back to the days where he was limited to 140 chars”

RT @tim_____: My friend’s GPS just called me a beeotch. All I did was pull out my iPhone.

@Helenatrandom Read you comment & was like, “What’s a polish blessing? Wait! Polish blessing.” Gotcha

Check out this article from Times Online (Also check out how subtle I am in the comments section.)

@redclaydiaries Collecting baskets is a stretch. Why do you need to collect baskets? To keep crap in, that’s why.

@sarahmsalter No! Books are useful. They enrich your life.

@CandySteele Crap to hold crap. You’ve just made my point.

And no, @candysteele that basket is NOT for sale and you don’t need one anyway.

RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish But we wants it. //Yesh…

@HeatherSunseri “Kill your precious” is how I’ve heard it.

@billycoffey You have a non-vomit streak? Oh, do tell…

@billycoffey No, really. It’s horrible while it’s happening, but you’ll feel much better afterwards

@billycoffey You should throw up.

@HeatherSunseri Anything can be said in 140 characters or less.

@HeatherSunseri What’s it about?

RT @noveldoctor: Writing a novel is like running a marathon – there’s a good chance you’ll throw up before reaching the finish line

If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered. – Stephen King

RT @marklamberti: I just unsubscribed from my blog. I’ve had enough of myself for now.

“Imitation is the sincerest form of television” – Fred Allen

RT @billycoffey: “Fiction is the truth inside the lie.” ~ Stephen King //Also known as “Faction

@redclaydiaries That was so cleverly shameless…

@sarahmsalter Yes. Sometimes gratuitous violence does wonders .

@BridgetChumbley Really, Bridget – it matters not.

@redclaydiaries Well I don’t buy baskets or candles. I’m anti-crap.

@dsanson I’ll let you know as soon as the statute of limitations is over.

@pagan43 And for the love of Gumby, please don’t tell me it’s an investment

@pagan43 So why are they so expensive? And why do you NEED an expensive basket?

@redclaydiaries The puzzles pieces are all coming together, aren’t they?

@makeadiff21 She says the hair keeps the pins sharp. But she made it like 30 years ago! Gaaa!

@redclaydiaries Hand to God – My mom has a pincushion stuffed with HUMAN HAIR!

I’m considering writing about stuff people collect and why. Any Logenbauer (sp?) collecters out there? And if so, why?

This just in: I have coupons following me on the twitter. They like me. They really, really like me…

@redclaydiaries My next house will have 4 dishwashers and no cabinets.

Does this make anyone want to eat chicken? Me neither. Thank you, Kroger.

@redclaydiaries Oooo! Skymall

@mabeswife I’d hang on to the savings bonds if I were you…

@mabeswife But of course! I’ll send you an author’s edition.

RT @mabeswife: @katdish YESH! //See? One book sold already. Bring on the offers.

Me thinks…yes

I’ve been quoted on twitter like 5 or 6 times. Could a book offer be far behind?

@pagan43 Yes, but that would require me to open a can and heat it up. It’s more than I’m willing to do.

@br8kthru Food is overrated. I think I’ll have a low carb monster and some whoppers

I really need to eat something

@BridgetChumbley Good. But I’m hungry. I just don’t feel like making lunch. Devastating laziness has its drawbacks

@PuriChristos Oh, see…you didn’t say when MAKING candles. I thought you were just going to be a Beavis and burn stuff

@PuriChristos Why are you asking about adding nutmeg to a candle? That’s weird.

@PuriChristos You’re so weird…

@joannamuses Liger flu….Yesh!

RT @redclaydiaries: @sarahmsalter I decline to answer that on the grounds that it might show me to be hopelessly lazy

@redclaydiaries I thought laundry was your arch nemesis. Can you have more than one?

RT @weightwhat: @katdish I heart Captain Underpants!!! //Somehow I knew that.

Hmmm….@br8kthru seems to be ignoring me.

@redclaydiaries nah. She wear her granny panties with pride

@redclaydiaries of course they’re not mine. They’re @candysteele’s.

@redclaydiaries Just for you:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. – Steven Wright

RT @BridgetChumbley: @katdish I’ve realized I need to humiliate my cats more often… my kids will appreciate the break! // ha!

I know. Subtle aren’t I?

Speaking of great books. Can’t wait for this one to come out (Fall 2010):

@BridgetChumbley Poor Buddy? He’s a dog. Furthermore, he’s MY dog. Not exactly a win-win situation.

@billycoffey whateva

RT @billycoffey: Okay, @katdish is kicking me off Twitter. I’ll be back later when she isn’t here…//Um hmm…thought so.

What the….@billycoffey ! GET OFF THE TWITTER and go back to resting before I come up there & smash your laptop with a hammer!

Once again, Sorry/you’re welcome.

Twitpics, stocking stuffers and whatnot…

This week on the twitter, @redclaydiaries kept me highly entertained from NYC with both tweets and DMs, I reached and surpassed 1000 followers and publicly humiliated my dog both on my driveway and on the tweetdeck. Overall, a very good week:

Hmmmm….Just curious why tweetdeck will not allow me to remove @MarilynDoming ‘s butt off my Mentions column. @spam

@br8kthru You’re welcome. Now go shake your moneymaker.

@redclaydiaries The mini ketchups make great stocking stuffers…( in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Done. Packed all the mini jams that came w room service too. Wondering if they count the pillows…)

@redclaydiaries Dang. Well you can always raid the housekeeping cart for tiny shampoo. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish They’re so mean now! They pay attention & charge me if the robe goes missing!)

@redclaydiaries Are you going to buy that robe, or did you bring an extra large suitcase?

@charliewetzel What’s @redclaydiaries doing? More importantly, what is she wearing?


Oh, I’m calling this one. Yankees win the World Series. (one out away)

Now, I’m trying to watch the Yankees and write a post. Scuse me…

Hey! Somebody follow @Becks_Beer ! Okay? Good.

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

@redclaydiaries Nekkid animals should not offend you. Animals with clothing should offend you.

@redclaydiaries I’ll have you know that at last check all of my followers were wearing clothes. Well, except for the dogs and cats.

@pagan43 Oh, well now you’re using math. And here I followed you…Although I could have sworn I was already following you.

@redclaydiaries Hey did you hear I have 1000 followers now? I’m breathing down your 4031 follower neck!

@pagan43 Pie? I don’t want no stinkin’ pie! Well, okay…what kind of pie?

@redclaydiaries So am I now “The One who must not be named?”

@makeadiff21 He’s following me. Isn’t that reward enough?

RT @makeadiff21: @Brian_Russell Heehee. Well, I think that @katdish should give you a reward for finding her 1000th follower 🙂

Follow @underfoldfred and go read The Underfold!

@Brian_Russell YAY!!!

I have 999 followers. Who will be #1000? No, not you Brittney.

@pwilson Where have you been hiding him?

@pwilson OMGoogle! I pink fuzzy heart @fakepwilson!

@Helenatrandom my frontsettes are not blogworthy.

@billycoffey Well, I’m working on that, Billy. (in reply to billycoffey@katdish Tell you what. Just have him call me)

@billycoffey Did you need his number? (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I’m gonna call George and tell him to order you a World Series ring.)

@billycoffey Yes. Mojo indeed. You’re welcome, BTW.

@makeadiff21 A very fancy one apparently.


The orthodondist office has a private movie theater, built in fish tanks and is professionally decorated. This is going to be expensive.

So there you go. Also? I’m 6 followers short of 1,000 WITHOUT any auto-follow service or whatnot. What does this mean? No idea.

Quiet Dignity Just thought I would publicly humiliate my dog one more time before I say goodnight.

@weightwhat No. I don’t want to see a clown stone cold sober, let alone after a few cocktails.

This is one I like to call “Quiet Dignity”.

Okay. Gotta go try and get Buddy Love the wiener dog in a chicken costume. Pictures to follow…

@CandySteele Sorry. I can’t help myself.

@CandySteele Your p gets stuck? TWSS.

@shrinkingcamel I’m only a part-time social media maven.

@BridgetChumbley I’m all up in subtle…

@redclaydiaries So you did not have a cone bra? Suppose now you’re going to tell me you were never a pole dancer either.

@RachelleGardner Is it a Snow Day? Hey! That would make a great book title!

Yes, yes…Sorry/you’re welcome.

Shocking but true…

I wasn’t on the twitter much last week. I’m busy people! But I still managed to enrich a few lives through the power of social media.

In particular, @sarahmsalter, who has never heard of Festivus! I know what you’re saying to yourselves, “That can’t be!”

In the words of Elaine to Jerry, “Oh, it be…”


@BridgetChumbley Oh, right. I haven’t had any gray hair since I was about 27.

@br8kthru Oh shut up. (in reply to: @Helenatrandom I know- the funny thing is I joked about her avoiding me then she never responded. I was trying to lure her out – oh well…)

@BridgetChumbley Hair day? Every day is hair day for me. Mostly ponytail hair day though…

@br8kthru Did you not see my earlier tweet Jason? Sheesh!

@sarahmsalter It’s Festivus for the Rest of Us:

@sarahmsalter Oh, hold on…

Does anyone else celebrate Festivus?

RT @tremendousnews: Announcement! I now have an agent. I know. I know. His name’s Doug. He’s State Farm’s finest.

@Helenatrandom No regrets, I’m like you. I’ll forget to read it if I don’t.

New rule: I’m going to actually read a post before I RT it. So if I don’t RT right away, that’s what I’m doing.

@PeterPollock You’re welcome.

@PeterPollock SNAP OUT OF IT!

@br8kthru Why would I avoid you, Jason? I’ve just been a bit busy. Besides, the sweater vest is hard to miss.

Are y’all freaking kidding me with the ads in my DM column? STOP IT NOW!

RT @muchl8r: Starting a new day. This one will rock yesterday’s socks off! Or else I’ll be forced to stab someone!

” I know that my lack of detachable feet has never interfered with my self esteem.” – @helenatrandom

What am I missing in Chicago? Besides @helenatrandom?

@pwilson You’re not going up on the roof again are you? Because if you are, you’d better bring your camera.

RT @unmarketing: How to properly add a comment to a ReTweet //Hint: not like this.

RT @unmarketing: @katdish I’m putting you on probation, and this is going in your file //Read: @katdish is AWESOME

@unmarketing Just because I subscribe to your blog and follow most of your advice, does not mean you’re the boss of me. Probably.

@unmarketing Says who? You’re not the boss of me.

RT @unmarketing: Just saw another person add a comment to a retweet that makes it look like the originator said it. Comment before RT

@RachelleGardner Best book on writing I’ve ever read. Also the only book on writing I’ve ever read. But still…

RT @RachelleGardner: “The editor is always right.” But: “No writer will take all of his or her editor’s advice.” ~Stephen King On Writing

@marni71 Actually, no. I wouldn’t know. Snort! (in reply to: @katdish It hates me. Sigh. And I love it so. Rejection is hard, ya know?)

@PuriChristos Oh, like you wouldn’t pester me anyway.

RT @PuriChristos: @katdish my net went down. Do u like my new avatar? I picked it special 4u//See? Annoying…

Follow @PuriChristos, because it’s his birthday, and he’s like the annoying little brother you never wanted.

“A good writer is basically a storyteller, not a scholar or redeemer of mankind.” -Isaac B. Singer

RT @redclaydiaries: @billycoffey @katdish You know, I like the word “GAA.” It has so many practical applications.//It really does.

RT @makeadiff21: @billycoffey You been hangin’ with @katdish too long? // You say that like it’s a bad thing.

RT @redclaydiaries: @billycoffey TWSS!

@billycoffey Oh, like that would ever happen. We’re delightful!

@billycoffey You know me. I always go there.

RT @shrinkingcamel: Still waiting for that agent to discover your brilliant blog? //Not really, no…

As always…Sorry/you’re welcome.

I big pink fuzzy heart social media

It has come to my attention that by adding “(in reply to tweets)” in my twitter updates, some of them actually make sense and can be followed by the average reader. I will not do that this week. I feel like being confusing and random. Because that’s how I roll sometimes.

Something kind of cool happened on the twitter yesterday. And by “kind of cool” I mean AWESOME. It also gives credence to my assertion that being a tad pushy isn’t always a bad thing.

I big pink fuzzy heart social media…

RT @FaithWords: @billyCoffey – the tribe has spoken you must plan a BlogTalkRadio chat with us ; ) //The tribe is grateful. Thanks.

@HeatheroftheEO Oh, that’s what you WANT me to say, isn’t it?

@HeatheroftheEO You need to be more specific. Deep dish or hand tossed?

Son: I thought you were in the den but you were in the office. That’s called situational irony/Me: No, that’s called you being wrong.

@JeanneDamoff Thank you. You really can apply many life experiences to an episode of Seinfeld.

@sarahmsalter I knew you were incredibly perceptive, Sarah.

HEY! @BridgetChumbley @VariantVal @sarahmsalter @JeanneDamoff @PuriChristos @PeterPollock ! Did you see my RT?

Everyone’s a comedian…

RT @FaithWords: Which Faithwords author(s) would you like to be chat with on Blogtalkradio? //@BillyCoffey!

@VariantVal Ssshhh! I’m trying to find something.

Hello everyone! Are you paying attention?

Okay…I have to turn off the tweet deck and do some actual work. Sigh. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

@redclaydiaries And that’s all that really matters in the end.

@redclaydiaries Yes. We are hilarious.

RT @marni71: @katdish @redclaydiaries Awww how sweet. How many of us can truly say we’ve found friendship by harsh Biblical conviction?

@forthegirls Okay, well I like CSI too. Except Miami, because David Caruso is annoying.

RT @redclaydiaries: @marni71 Did u see?! @HeatherSunseri LOVES Caillou! WHO’S WITH ME ON ANOTHER INTERVENTION?! // UNFOLLOW!

@sarahmsalter Caillou is the poster child for annoying children everywhere.

@redclaydiaries OMGoogle! You must watch it. “I want people to love me so much it hurts.” – Michael Scott

@sarahmsalter You’ve never seen The Office? I’m not sure we can be friends anymore…

@billycoffey Was it like a crazy, maniacal laugh?

@chrissulli I’m multi-talented.

@chrissulli That’s what I’m here for, Chris.

@chrissulli You’ve obviously never been pregnant.

I’m going to RT @peterpollock’s guest post as soon as he changes “bost” to “post”. Cuz I’m in editor mode right now.

@marni71 I swift head butt if I recall correctly.

@marni71 Trying being fitted for ski boots only to have the guy tell you (in a surfer accent) “Your calves are HUGE!” Nice.

@marni71 Yes. An OCD germophobe. He completes you.

@marni71 Monk is good. He’s a germophobe.

@PuriChristos What do you mean “ewww”? I’m mildly offended.

@Helenatrandom @makeadiff21 @Doallas @BridgetChumbley @billycoffey @HeatherSunseri @br8kthru Thx for the RTs. I’m officially overexposed

@redclaydiaries Right….because I have so many more followers than you do. You broke spades w/your own poop tweet.

I crack myself up. I truly, truly do…

@redclaydiaries Oh man…that’s a TWSS moment if I ever saw one. I’m not touching that one though…(ha! TWSS)

Dear @BridgetChumbley ‘s blog carnival. I have nothing set out for dinner. I blame you.

@Helenatrandom Thanks, but I meant she’s an epic procrastinator.

@marni71 Yes. I think my sister is supposed to set up an etsy account, but she probably hasn’t because, well…she’s like me.

@marni71 Yes. Covered with sticky fingerprints already.

@JeanneDamoff You know what? I don’t but I really need to make a road trip to Dallas. My daughter loves American Girl Store.

@gyoung9751 Hey! Thanks for making me feel all convicted and stuff this morning!

@bryanallain Okay, that’s just gross…

RT @bryanallain: if I had a nickel for every time I’ve eaten guinea pig, I’d have a nickel.

@chrissulli You say “incredibly random” like it’s a bad thing….

@CandySteele I didn’t even know there were more than 15 types of beans. Were there jelly beans?

RT @marni71: A UPS truck just tried to kill me while on the hwy. “What can Brown do for me?” Not swerving into my lane is a good start.

@PuriChristos Awesome Cat, Watermelon Cat, Bus, Stink Eye

As always, Sorry/You’re welcome…

    We interrupt this Twitter update for a special annoucement

    A VERY brief twitter update this week. Sorry, I’m pretty stoked about some other news, which I will get to in a minute. For now, here’s the shortest twitter update ever:

    @peterpollock: The slave driver has put me to work again!…. just sayin’

    @katdish: @PeterPollock Mush! Mush!


    @katdish: @billycoffey Thanks. Staying busy?

    @billycoffey: @katdish Sigh…yes. And cold and wet.

    @katdish: @billycoffey Oh, don’t fret. I have a feeling your week will end on a high note.

    @BridgetChumbly: @katdish All this ‘code’ talk between you and @billycoffey is driving me crazy! Will we get to hear this news on Friday, or no???

    @billycoffey: @BridgetChumbly Hmmm….

    @katdish: @BridgetChumbley Stay tuned….


    @katdish: RT @PeterPollock: I’m scared this morning. I was woken up by orders given through twitter DM’s… I’m just obeying, it’s safest //Mwha ha ha


    So what’s the big news? Well, hang on…I tell you in just a minute. But first…

    Billy has done some really great interviews. I’ve enjoyed each and every one of them. But no one does an interview quite like my pal Matt at the Church of No People. Here’s a brief excerpt from Billy Coffey’s latest interview with Matt:

    Your writing has a signature style. It’s been said by readers such as myself that it can be calming like a butterfly, fierce and poignant like a tiger, or ironic like a three-legged dog. What do you say?

    I would say my style resembles a three-legged dog who gets so distracted by chasing a butterfly that he doesn’t see the tiger that comes along and eats him.

    Now as a test of writing dexterity, I’m thinking of three random things: a hula-hoop, a pudding cup, and that three-legged dog from the previous question. Can you write an inspiring story using all three?

    To read how Billy answers this and other questions, hop on over to Matt’s blog,
    The Church of No People. I’ll wait right here….

    Are you back so soon? Did you go read the interview? Good, huh?

    Okay. Here’s the big news: I’m not going to tell you. You have to go HERE. to read about it. Okay…bye!

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