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Playoff Baseball, goat snuggies & Steve Harvey introduces Jesus

It has come to my attention that some folks who read my twitter updates that are NOT on twitter miss out on quite a bit. There are pictures and some pretty cool links that never get posted here. This week, I’m hoping to remedy that situation just a little bit.

Also, the twitter was frozen up for a few hours yesterday, so as a public service, I opened up my comments section for random comments not necessarily related to the content of the blog post. You know, sort of like every day around here:

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said…
OMGoogle! Lots of comments must mean one thing: Twitter is frozen and we need to read blogs to avoid being productive.

I’m with you Kat. Nothing skanktacular will be worn my two girls. It’s really hard to find something cute in size 10(kids) and up for certain costumes. Go ahead, look up “fairy” or “cat” for that age group on a costume site. I dare you!

My problem is that my boy and older girl want to be scary. Like disgusting-scare-neighborhood-children-scary. I had to nix the nasty zombie with bones protruding and the evil clown. Geez.

My youngest wanted to be a bat. But most of THOSE showed too much skin. For a 6 year old.

Okay, I’ll go now and check on the Twitter again. Bye.

I’m really leaving.


Hey, visit my blog during the outage too!

See ya.

Are you still here?

Have I filled the entire comment page yet?


Okay. Enough of Steph’s rambling. Here’s the best (or not) of me on the twitter:
(And if this is your first time here, the tweets are in reverse order — because I’m all kinds of lazy.)

Because much like twitter, it is completely random and non-sequential.

As a public service, I would like to offer the comments section of my blog when the twitter goes down (like today)

RT @noveldoctor: God teaches patience / we linger in the waiting / when Twitter freezes #haiku

Perhaps I spoke too soon…

THANK GOODNESS the twitter is working! I was actually contemplating doing something productive!

RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish Look! Snuggie telepathy with @pwilson Did he just call me a loser? //I think he did!

@HerbieGookins Yes. Was that one of your neighbors? (in reply to: @katdish Did you see the goat snuggie-type thing?)

RT @stretchmarkmama: Crafts gone bad. (ht @AlanLeonard) #hilarious //SO FUNNY!

@Helenatrandom I dunno, Helen. @RachelleGardner raises a valid point. I may need to root for a NL team. (in reply to: @katdish Okay. Now that @billycoffey has us both rooting for the Yankees, what do they win? Or is our support the prize?)

@billycoffey They don’t make that much rope. (in reply to: @HeatherSunseri Give @katdish enough rope, and she’ll always hang herself.)

@billycoffey And you will be nice to @RachelleGardner no matter what. Right? (in reply to: @RachelleGardner @katdish @Helenatrandom Uh-oh. I just realized the Rockies and the Yankees could be playing for the World Series.)

@HeatherSunseri Yes. That one is definitely going on the Friday update. (in reply to: RT @billycoffey: @katdish You’re right. //That was too good to not retweet.)

RT @billycoffey: @katdish You’re right.

@RachelleGardner Oh, yes. What happens if they meet the Yankees in the World Series? That could get ugly. (in reply to: @katdish The Colorado Rockies are worth rooting for, too! πŸ™‚

@billycoffey Oh, let’s not get crazy… (in reply to: @katdish I see I’m having somewhat of a positive affect on you.)

@billycoffey And that affects me how? (in reply to: @katdish Keep in mind, however, that I just spent a month’s pay on a new furnace for the house.)

@billycoffey Hmmm…… (in reply to: @katdish Well since they haven’t won the World Series in nine years, I’d say you could name your price.)

@billycoffey I dunno….what’s it worth to you? (in reply to: @katdish Which means that you’ll be watching tonight, correct?)

@billycoffey Did I mention that the Yankees have one every game but one that I watched this year?

@br8kthru Oh, you can always complain… (in reply to: @katdish can’t complain. πŸ™‚

@redclaydiaries You are pure evil, Steph. (in reply to: Now @katdish Don’t click on this: (Just making sure she DOES click on it)

@Doallas Doesn’t exactly give you a hankerin’ for a hamburger, does it?

RT @andycrash: Typos gone bad, really bad //Um…wow.

RT @jewda4: And how would you introduce Jesus? //I LOVE THAT VIDEO!

@Helenatrandom Unicorns? Were rainbows involved?

@br8kthru Jason – just read your comment. You are a dork.

RT @PuriChristos: @CandySteele blessing b with you. (cuz I’m not some luck believing pagan) //Ha!

I wrote an anit-obedience obedience post. Because I like to be contrary…

Okay, people, my timer says my roots now match the rest of my hair. Gotta go rinse. (No need to thank me for sharing.)

@PeterPollock It’s a rare and beautiful thing, no? (in reply to: @katdish I’m beginning to understand what it’s like to be you πŸ™‚

RT @HerbieGookins: RT @katdish @HerbieGookins is right.// Of course I am. //And humble to boot!

@PeterPollock See how many people are being obedient and writing a post about obedience? How’s it feel to have that kind of power?

@redclaydiaries @HerbieGookins is right. Don’t let you boss you around!

@VariantVal I’m good. Trying to finish a post about obedience – not my strong suit.

@PeterPollock Thanks. Just to tell you, I’m going to do a post on obedience, even though I don’t want to.

Then I let them eat the cookie dough without cooking it. Don’t judge me.

So, I bought the pre-cut cookie dough this weekend, planning to bake cookies for the kids.

@marni71 You prank called Sherri? That’s awesome. (in reply to: @redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom @katdish In my sick stupor yesterday, I prank called Sherri. I guess I should call her back and apologize.)

Take THAT 140 character limitation!

“Your mother is acting strangely. She’s on the roof barking.”

So a few months later on another trip, he gets the following telegram from his wife:

next telegram, “Rover has fallen, but the vet is doing all he can.” Then when I got the bad news, I would have been better prepared.

For example, the 1st telegram could have said, “Rover is acting strange, he’s on the roof barking.”

“The dog is dead.” When he gets home, he tells his wife that bad news like that should be given in pieces to soften the blow.

Man goes away on a long term mission trip where the only form of communication is via telegraph. Receives one from his wife that simply says

@sarahmsalter @DougSpur Oh man. I have a great joke about roofs.

RT @redclaydiaries: @billycoffey U know me: a suck-up. She’s letting ME guest post next Wed. Gotta keep her happy.

@buzzbyannies Right now I could trade snow and ice for muggy with a high chance of mosquitoes.

@redclaydiaries Best. Hashtag. Ever. (in reply to: @BridgetChumbley Well yes. What are YOU talking about? #innuendomongering)

@redclaydiaries Are you sure you’re doing it right? The knuckle has to be placed just so. #grossconversation (in reply to: @katdish A farmer blow does me no good. Some of that stuff won’t come out without a hosing. Followed by farmer blow #grossconversation)

@BridgetChumbley How about a good old fashioned farmer blow? @CandySteele swears by them.

@BridgetChumbley TALK TO THE HAND! (in reply to: @redclaydiaries Oh… @katdish made me agree with her…you know what a bully she can be!)

@redclaydiaries TALK TO THE HAND? Wow. I’m tempted to unfollow you after that tweet.

RT @VariantVal: @katdish The grizzly is thought the plane crash was a free AUCE buffett //I was pulling for the bear.

Case in Point – Walker fighting a zombie looking plane crash survivor, when all of the sudden – Yes, people – a grizzly bear shows up.

Nothing against Chuck Norris, but Walker Texas Ranger is a horribly corny show.

Think I need to touch up my roots. Not to brag, but I’m looking pretty skunkalicious this morning.

RT @robkroese: They should just replace those stupid blowers in public restrooms with signs that say “Please wipe your hands on your pants.”

@pwilson @billycoffey – Golf is men in ugly pants walking.

@Helenatrandom Why should @billycoffey do a twitter post when he’s always featured on ours? He’s a clever redneck.

As always – Sorry/You’re welcome.


The twitter is an interesting and informative place. I’ve connected with some great people, laughed and learned. For the most part, it has been a wonderfully enriching experience. And then there’s this link tweeted by @redclaydiaries:

If you had the ability to grow your own meat and fish in a device that looks like something you’d buy off of a George Foreman infomercial, would you? The Cocoon is a concept cooker that grows meat and fish from heated animal cells. Weird.

While you are recovering from that horror, please enjoy the best (or not) of me on the twitter:

Okay, I’m done being smack talked on the twitter. Community is on! YAY!

@redclaydiaries Do you see how I’m joining in the conversation, as if you’re NOT ignoring me at all…

RT @redclaydiaries: @weightwhat Keebler: Oppressing elves for 10 generations.

@weightwhat YESH! (in reply to: @katdish How about: VO5 Gel for Men – Holding down comb-overs for the last 50 years.)

I tweeted incorrectly earlier today….Please welcome @DougSpur to the twitter!

@redclaydiaries @HerbieGookins @weightwhat We should start the #FOTTSP Ad Agency! How’s this: Volvo – They’re boxy, but safe!

@BridgetChumbley You crack yourself up? That’s always a good thing.

@WinLiannefield I HATE the money with the eyes! And how much money can they save you when they’re spending so much on ads?

RT @SBeeCreations: @katdish What?! You’re going to off some Brownies? Poor little girls //Ha! Missed that double meaning.

RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish I wouldn’t off the Brownies. Could be some nasty legal repercussions…//Mwha, ha ha!

Off the Brownies! We’re making (another) picture frame!

RT @Erinbeekeeper: Snuffy was just a total douche to Wolfgang on Sesame street. I wish he was still imaginary

@redclaydiaries Nekkid followers need love too. (in reply to: @katdish Leave it to me. I’ll just use my massive social influence & tell them to follow you. Especially the nekkid ones.)

@redclaydiaries How will I find the kind of quality followers you have collected? (in reply to: @katdish Hey! I just noticed that you have 900 followers! Only (whatever 3890-900 equals) to go to pass me up!)

@HeatheroftheEO You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high. That’s not so much an issue with me.

RT @HeatheroftheEO: The comments reminded me that I love wrogging (blogging/writing) –

@redclaydiaries What gets me is that someone would read “grow your own meat”, & say – Hey! What a great idea!

@redclaydiaries I get a little confused with the states in the area known as “the ones in the middle”

RT @redclaydiaries: This isn’t real, is it? If so, hold me. //OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

@buzzbyannies Roughing it for me is staying at a hotel with low thread count sheets. (in reply to: @billycoffey Roughin’ it for me is dry camping in an RV. I’m slightly ‘sissy-girl’ that way. But don’t tell anyone!)

RT @redclaydiaries: @billycoffey @katdish is in fact your spokesmodel, right?//Yes. K-mart offered, but they already have Martha Stewart.

@mare261 – Happy Birthday! (Even though I’m not even sure if you’re on the twitter anymore

@redclaydiaries Did you notice how @billycoffey did not correct you even though you said he lived in WV and not VA? He’s polite like that.

@HeatherSunseri I was like, “Who is @katdishsomething?

I don’t kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, “Whoa! I’m way too high!”

When I’m around hard-core computer geeks I want to say, “Come outside, the graphics are great!” -Matt Weinhold

@br8kthru @Helenatrandom is adored by everyone. With the notable exception of Roman Polanski.

RT @br8kthru: @Helenatrandom your avatar is staritng to look a nascar car. πŸ™‚ //Okay, That’s what I was thinking!

@CandySteele You mean like over the shoulder boulder holder? (in reply to: Just found a great bra for a patient called “The Last Resort.” They could have come up with a kinder, gentler name.)

@Brian_Russell I think it is as impossible to prove He exists as it is to disprove. Faith is a matter of will. Deepdish katdish.

@RachelleGardner You should work on that. (in reply to: One of the hardest things about being an agent is that I can rarely explain exactly what makes me LOVE a book. Or not.)

Just to tell you, I have lemons on my avatar to support the fight of childhood cancer. I am not eating lemons. (Currently)

@br8kthru I’m a giver, Jason.

@br8kthru I’m revamping The Human Fund started by George Costanza. (in reply to: If you have a project or org. you are raising funds 4, please send me a DM or reply soon. I have an idea & would like 2 try 2 help!)

@VariantVal I’ve stopped correcting her, because she’ll just say, “Well I like the way I say it better.” She’s stubborn like that.

My daughter is learning about the human body in her 2nd grade class. Did you know that the lungs work together with the DIAGRAM?

@redclaydiaries I am very excited that @charliewetzel enjoyed your birthday post so much. I’m considering facebook friending him. Too much?

@marni71 Thanks, Marni. Check out my avatar! Lemons – good! Num-num!

Support Alex’s Lemonade, add a #twibbon to your avatar now! –…

@Helenatrandom They may dress well, but they still smell like big, stinky birds. (in reply to: @katdish Good point…even their walk is rather arrogant!)

@Helenatrandom Lack of obedience? Plus they’re way overdressed – A sure sign of arrogance. (in reply to: @katdish Why penguins are not as nice as robins….)

I heart hashtags!

If I wanted you to know, I’d be talking #SeeIToldYouSo

What are you thinking about? #QuestionsYouDontWantAnswersTo

Education: The next best thing to a record deal! #NationalSarcasmDay

@PeterPollock Obedience? You want ME to blog about obedience? Hmm….

@PeterPollock What’s a blog carnival? Will there be clowns? I think I can speak for @billycoffey and myself when I say if there are, NO!

@PeterPollock Since I have no idea what you people are talking about, then yes. Yes I am.

@sarahmsalter Clean is such a relative term, don’t you think Sarah?

@BridgetChumbley Wow, that’s laying it on a bit thick, don’t you think? But I like it…

RT @BridgetChumbley All hail the power of @billycoffey’s pen, let twitterers prostrate fall, bring forth the wisdom on his blog and comment.

RT @bryanallain: I’m so hungry, I’m like the wolf #bryanishungry //Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do

Okay, I’ll play…I haven’t had my coffee yet. Don’t make me kill you. #NationalSarcasmDay

RT @JanetOber: Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. #NationalSarcasmDay

@VariantVal Oh, well then. You should unfollow them. (in reply to: Not you, dear.)

I should probably go pray now…

@sarahmsalter Was Jerry Seinfeld your pastor? And what is UP with those tiny crackers? Is it bread? Is it a chicklet? (in reply to: @katdish That’s better than the pastor I once heard who said “Hello?!” over and over again. “God loves us! Hello?! And Satan’s bad! Hello?!”)

@VariantVal Just throw the unfollow hammer down on them. Unless it’s me, of course…

@sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 AMEN! And can I get an AMEN?

@sarahmsalter @br8kthru ‘s sermons are really good. He says AMEN alot.

@redclaydiaries Shaddup. (in reply to: @katdish Join me in yoville. I insist.)

Why must people INSIST on sending me yoville invitations?

Okay! It’s naptime somewhere. And by “somewhere”, I mean here.

RT @marni71: Come celebrate our Sarcastic Heritage…

Me: Mom, you need to get a flu shot/Mom: I know, I’m going to VCR Pharmacy to get one./Me: CVS?/Mom: That’s what I said.

@marni71 You complete me, Marni (in reply to: @katdish That’s why I’m here. To anticipate, to step in, to serve.)

RT @marni71: According to the Google, it’s National Sarcasm Day! Did everyone buy gifts for the snarks in their life? //Oooo! Gimme!

@marni71 That is SO freaky! I was just going to mention that to @Brian_Russell (in reply to: @Brian_Russell Our good friend @katdish has a 12 step program whereby she ridicules you 12 times and then you stop…out of shame and fear.)

RT @pwilson: A little Monday reminder: “You are not in control.” That’s it. Now go back to work. //You’re not the boss of me, Pete!

RT @billycoffey: @redclaydiaries For her. Not so sure it’s a gift to the rest of us, though. //Again. Thanks so much.8:44 AM Sep 28th from TweetDeck

@redclaydiaries Are you responsible for my latest follower? Or did he follow me in a moment of weakness?

RT @billycoffey: @redclaydiaries I’m sure @katdish will take that as a compliment. She pretty much takes everything as a compliment./thanks!

@VariantVal “No job is too big. No fee is too big…”

@VariantVal Oh goody! Random quotes! How about this one: “Do you have balloons in funny shapes?” / “Not unless round is funny.”

RT @VariantVal: I do not have time to watch a goat fetch soap… //Whaa???

RT @badbanana: I hope they throw the book at Roman Polanski and make him direct a couple of Transformers movies.

A get well haiku from my friends Jeff & Tam: Get better Kathy/At least there’s no cone of shame/That would be awkward.

My dog smells like feet.

I’ve picked up more followers this week than usual. And I’ve hardly tweeted all week. Hmmm…..
@prodigaljohn OMGoogle! Your wife told you to man up at Disneyland? Stop! I’m dying laughing!

RT @prodigaljohn: “Man up.” Words of “encouragement” my wife just gave me as we prepare to go on space mountain in Disneyland

@kates513 Congrats on your run today! I’m going to eat a celebratory bowl of ice cream in your honor.

This just in: I’m still sick (cough, cough) and goodnight.

Again, Sorry/You’re welcome.

It’s been a long week…

I had some outpatient surgery on Tuesday, spent Wednesday recovering from said surgery and catching the flu from my kids. Oh yeah…tons of fun. After approximately 297 phone calls to the doctor’s office and pharmacy, everyone is on flu meds and we are all on the mend. I wasnt’ going to do a post for today, but what the heck – I’m just lying here being miserable. I figure I might as well spread the love. So here you go…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

Alright people. Gotta get off the computer for now. I’ll be back tomorrow & I’ll be medicated.

@br8kthru That’s an excellent motto for a pastor, Jason. (in reply to: @katdish Well, I thought it wasn’t bad either & then everyone tried to get me nervous. ‘Don’t listen to people,’ that’s my new motto.)

@br8kthru Nah, you’re good. That’s the least disturbing picture you’ve created so far. (in reply to: @katdish If anything, it’s a tribute. Anyone who sees it differently just needs a better perspective…)

@BridgetChumbley Nah, not yet anyway…(in reply to: RT @katdish: @br8kthru You know what they say about paybacks, right Jason? (laughs maniacally) ///but is he dead to you?)

makeadiff21 It’s okay Ginny. I’m used to constant abuse at the hands of my friends.

I’m channeling Sherri in my tweets lately.

@Helenatrandom Or “MY” back as they say in some countries…

@Helenatrandom Oh Helen – I know you’ve always got may back.

@bryanallain Do you mean like debriefing vs depantsings?

RT @bryanallain: Every time I say “just livin the dream” to someone, I want to punch myself in the face. //twitpics, please.

@JeanneDamoff Mostly alive, but there are some that are looking a bit peeked. (in reply to: @katdish Hey! I’ve missed your awesomeness. You good? Everyone alive to you these days?)

@redclaydiaries You complete me, Steph. (in reply to: @katdish Love that you RT’d @helenatrandom. I’ll say what you couldn’t fit: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!)

RT @sarahmarkley: Someone in my cycle class smelled like corn chips. It wasn’t me.

RT @Helenatrandom: @sarahmsalter I don’t know why. I only know that she was upset she could not have frozen banana in the summer….

@br8kthru I love a pastor than can seized on a good TWSS moment. (in reply to: @katdish you are “appaulled” huh? TWSS)

@weightwhat I’m shocked and appaulled that you would ask me that. (in reply to: @katdish If I tell you will you use it against me?)

RT @billycoffey: @katdish But what really keeps us as friends is your stunning humility. // Now you’re getting with the program.

@weightwhat How did you make that little TM?

@billycoffey I am a wonderful influence. Unlike @weightwhat, I really AM goodness and light.

RT @weightwhat: @billycoffey YESH! // You’re a bad influence, Wendy!

RT @weightwhat: @Helenatrandom No, we wouldn’t want to deprive @katdish. I’ll get right on it. //Let it be written. Let it be done!

RT @PeterPollock: I’m sure @br8kthru could quickly mash up a picture of @katdish laughing maniacally //NO! Still having breakdish nighmares

Which should make everyone feel much better.

That should have been LAUGHING maniacally, not Laughigh maniacally…

Laughigh maniacally whilst rubbing my hands together…

RT @br8kthru: @marni71 Yeah, ignoring @katdish would be like ignoring a spreading rash -it’s to your own detriment //You got that right.

RT @marni71: @br8kthru Ignore @katdish . She’s just trying to get us to fight again… // IGNORE KATDISH? That’s not possible.

RT @marni71: @br8kthru You should do Public Service Announcements. Your advice is relevant and wise… // TWSS

@godhasablog You know how they say it’s just an honor to be nominated? It’s so much better to win…

RT @godhasablog: …. do you want to wait until you get to Heaven and get it at a big awards ceremony hosted by Neil Patrick Harris?

RT @godhasablog: Congrats to @katdish for winning the #essayspectacular! Important questions: do you want your prize now, OR…..

@jamieworley That is so wrong on so many levels. Can dogs feel embarrassment? Yes. Yes they can.

RT @jamieworley: @katdish Check out these dogs. You will laugh! This could be a whole blog post in itself:

@buzzbyannies I’m pretty open about my love of Boz. He doesn’t have to like it

@buzzbyannies Hey Annie! Thanks for the Boz pic! Buddy Love was jealous.

Son: Dad, can you take me to the mall? DH: Well… Son: Wait, before you start yapping, let me just say… Me: Snort!

RT @HerbieGookins: Kids are being unusually good today. Makes me wonder if there’s a piano suspended above my head that I don’t know about.

@CandySteele Why thank you Candy. You also rock.

@redclaydiaries It’s exactly like that…

@redclaydiaries don’t make me go samurai ghetto on you. It’s a lethal combination.

@sarahmsalter You know, real monkeys are actually quite vile. Have you been to the zoo lately?

@muchl8r – Thank you for that clarification, because I was about to call you out on that one.

RT @muchl8r: Let me modify that. More colorful language than MOST church people.

RT @muchl8r: Hanging out with the unsaved moving guys at the office. They have more colorful language than church people:)

I got an email from someone I don’t know with an overseas phone # saying “for friendship”. Um….ewh

RT @JeanneDamoff: @katdish Broody? Don’t make me skip and frolic my way over there. //Snort!

So true. I like the way E B White says it: “Omit useless words.” (in reply to: @katdish I’ll save ya time: So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads. Dr. Seuss)

@JeanneDamoff Yes, well…He’s sort of broody sometimes. You know how you writers get…

I’m calling you out. Right here on the twitter. Have a nice day.

So, here’s the deal. If you follow me thru one of the auto-follow robots & then unfollow me 24 hrs later when I don’t refollow (cont.)

@billycoffey How’s that?

AHEM! I hereby apologize for misreading @billycoffey ‘s tweet about twitter fighting. He is no longer dead to me.

@billycoffey If you don’t know, then you’re even deader to me. Oh wait…I misread that last tweet. Nevermind…

RT @weightwhat: @katdish I admit to nothing. //So are you saying you can neither confirm nor deny my previous tweet?

@billycoffey You didn’t even last 24 hours – DEAD TO ME!

@makeadiff21 I’m not bad, I just tweet that way…

I think @weightwhat stalks the twitter then pounces on unsuspecting victims.

@br8kthru True. I could understand if she was a yankee, but a southerner should be all up in Dr Pepper.

@br8kthru Yes, well. If that doesn’t work there’s always the exorcism route…(in reply to: @katdish she’s still unrepentant but I believe through my example she will see the light…)

@marni71 Yes. I knew that already. But Jesus loves him anyway. (in reply to: @katdish That’s a good call. Just don’t take @br8kthru ‘s side. EVER. He just revealed he’s from Oklahoma.)

@Helenatrandom Whatever y’all are talking about, I’m on Helen’s side…

Twitter quarrels, the escaltor pitch, and enriching lives through the power of social media

More random silliness from me and the gang on the twitter this week. I’ll admit I didn’t spend much time there this week, but I still managed to tweet more than I thought I did, which is typically the case. I imparted some valuable advice to top literary agent Rachelle Gardner, and at the moment Billy Coffey is no longer dead to me, but there’s always tomorrow…

@Brian_Russell wrote a great gripe piece about social media on his blog this week. You should check it out: Social Media, What a Fad.

The best (or not) of me on the twitter:

Gotta go interface with the non-virtual world. Miss me.

@redclaydiaries Clowns, blue man group, mimes, televangelists, etc…And frogs – but that’s another story… (in response to: @makeadiff21 I love your avatar. Has @katdish talked to you since you changed it? I hear she’s skeered of clowns…)

@redclaydiaries Yes. I am afraid of clowns – Well technically not clowns per sea, just people with make up covering their face…(cont.)

RT @br8kthru: @billycoffey there are plenty of days I’d love to be sweating rather than stuck in a cubicle (TWSS)

@marni71 Also, @weightwhat just informed @sarahmsalter what TWSS meant. How could anyone follow us & not know that?

@marni71 @herbiegookins has a mouse in her house & I wrote a post about her socks in a box. #drseuss

@sarahmsalter Do you speak pig latin? Because @herbiegookins can probably translate if not

@HerbieGookins That’s why…

On my blog today, @herbiegookins will stroll down memory lane w/ @rachaelmphillip & her dad’s sock.

@sarahmsalter You know, @weightwhat is pretty crafty herself. And yes, I mean that in more than one way.

@HerbieGookins Hey! What’s your mom’s twitter handle again? Is it @rachaelmphillips?

@muchl8r Not really. I’m doing some behind the scenes stuff. Very hush, hush…I could tell you, but then I’d have to – well, you know…

@Helenatrandom Thank you, sweet Helen. I’m expounding on Beth’s comment from my Socktacular post.

@Helenatrandom Yes. Despite that fact that he delights in annoying me, he has his redeeming qualities (referring to @PuriChristo)

@muchl8r Yes. I’m actually painting children

Dear blogs in my sidebar: I’m really sorry. I’ll catch up soon. I promise.

RT @marni71: The ball was on the cart path. Why don’t you look up the rules…shankapotomus. //I love that baby!

Hey Y’all! Miss me? Well miss me some more. I got some stuff to do.

@billycoffey Yes, you do. Is today garbage day? Perhaps you could wrestle a garbage can bear. (in response to: @katdish I do need some gratuitous violence, don’t I?)

@billycoffey Which has more gratuitous violence? I’m guessing the Bond movie.

@br8kthru We never talk anymore Jason.

@shrinkingcamel Hmmm….don’t know about that. (in response to: Yesterday I referred someone to @katdish as @billycoffey’s “Handler.” Was that inappropriate?)

Do you like the book “The Giving Tree”? Read my blog and find out why you’re wrong.

Okay. I’ve got to get off the twitter. @weightwhat @Helenatrandom – stop talking about @billycoffey via DM. I know how you are…

@Helenatrandom In reference to your DM – Bahahahahaha!!!!!! That’s what she said.

@CandySteele Have you tried duct tape?

Oh, nevermind….there she is. Hey @marni71!

Okay. How come I can’t see @marni71 on my tweetdeck! Head will ROLL, people!

I hereby claim intellectual property rights on the aforementioned tweet.

Thank you, @redclaydiaries . AHEM! @katdish – enriching lives thru the power of social media (R with a circle around it).

@redclaydiaries I’m enriching lives thru the power of social media. You know, the usual…

@weightwhat Sitting here contemplating my day. Waiting on some stuff…(She says mysteriously)

@RachelleGardner feel free to use my escalator pitch. That’s pretty much golden. (in response to: Speaking to writers group tonight about elevator pitches, taglines & synopses. Guess I’d better think about what to say.)

RT @billycoffey: @HerbieGookins I’m not that transparently childish, am I? // Wow. That’s too easy.

@PeterPollock Are you trying to make me angry? Do you really want to face my wrath?

I big pink fuzzy heart @badbanana I know I’ve said that before, but it bears repeating…

RT @badbanana: We need more solidarity in this country. Like in the 1970s when we all joined together to defeat Ring Around the Collar.

@RachelleGardner I have a escalator pitch, where I talk to you while running up the down escalator. Very effective, and quite the workout. (in response to: @katdish Especially if you’re planning to pitch ME.)

@prodigaljohn You need to write a post about puppet ministry, but warn me first. Those things freak me out

@RachelleGardner Especially if the conference is held in a hotel with an elevator.

RT @RachelleGardner: If you’re going to a conference anytime soon, be SURE to polish your elevator pitch!

@PuriChristos Oh, he’ll come groveling back. They all do…(in response to: @katdish did you hear that @billycoffey is taking back his apology?)

RT @billycoffey: @katdish ((sorry)) // LADIES & GENTLEMEN, My public apology from @billycoffey. Carry on…

RT @redclaydiaries: @weightwhat Me and triple the Jonas… Yes, that sounds strangely soothing. And yes, TWSS.

@billycoffey Shhhh! Don’t talk. (in reply to: @PeterPollock @katdish Again?! This has happened before?!)

@PeterPollock I don’t know what happened. I tell you, I’m dangerous (in reply to: @katdish again?)

@PeterPollock Well, somebody messed up the contact page on somebody’s website. Sorry.

RT @godhasablog: I’m mentioning @katdish in this tweet only because I want @BridgetChumbley to RT it.

@PuriChristos Remember what? Oh, you mean that writer guy that I used to be helping? He’s dead to me.

@godhasablog That explains @purichristos (in reply to: @PuriChristos Actually, I’m quite squeamish. I Created the really gross things because they’re vital to Life, but I kept my eyes closed.)

RT @InkPanther: I was in the middle of writing this tweet when Kanye started yelling at me that @katdish has better tweets. //Snort!

RT @godhasablog: @katdish Um…. ew. //What? They’re kosher…

I want a hot dog. Just thought I’d share that little tidbit of information. You’re welcome.

@billycoffey You wish…(in reply to: @BridgetChumbley @katdish sent me a DM and apologized profusely. Since I’m the forgiving sort, I let it slide.)

@sarahmsalter The neti pot is wonderful. Don’t be a hater…

Dear people sending me “get more followers instantly” tweets. Stop doing that please.

Me: Did you put the dog up on the stool? Daughter: I’m helping him conquer his fear of heights.

RT @llbarkat: @katdish lol, re: Brad’s poetic inspiration // I bet it was a good box wine.

Please do the EXACT OPPOSITE of whatever @PuriChristos says. Thank you, kind and wonderful followers whom I appreciate immensely.

@PuriChristos He will most likely never recover. (in reply to: @katdish @billycoffey must really feel bad for calling u evil now that that truth is out there)

@PuriChristos Sort of like Nicholas and Ridiculous? (in repy to: @katdish hmmm awesome rhymes with possum, yeah anone that was a child of the 80s should know that one. Awesome Possum.)

@BridgetChumbley Don’t worry, Bridget. I’ll talk to @billycoffey again when he makes a public apology & writes a book of my awesomeness.

RT @shrinkingcamel: Has anyone else noticed that “Possum” rhymes with “Awesome?” Cool, right? //Enjoying a bottle of wine tonite Brad?

@PuriChristos I left to get ice cream. @billycoffey left bc he knows I’m right. (in reply to: Where did the @katdish @billycoffey throwdown disappear to? someone said someone was evil and they weren’t apologizing cuz they are stubborn)

I’m going to get some icre cream….

RT @PuriChristos: @katdish u stole that from me but I stole it from someone else so I guess it’s ok //banjo tweet credit to Nick.

RT @billycoffey: @katdish YOU CAN’T QUIT ME KATDISH!!//You may commence groveling.

@billycoffey I’m sorry….I see your lips moving but all I can hear is banjo music…(in reply to: @katdish You wouldn’t say that if you weren’t evil.)

@BridgetChumbley Well, it was just fine until @billycoffey said I was evil. He’s dead to me…

RT @billycoffey: @katdish That’s because you’re evil. //You are so in trouble…

RT @PuriChristos: Sometimes I like to RT tweets that mention RTing. //Me too!

Sometimes I like to RT stuff that makes no sense unless you’re privy to the conversation.

RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish My friend had free eggplants. So I took two! πŸ™‚

@HerbieGookins Why? Why would you do that? (in reply to: I’m going to attempt eggplant parmesan this evening. And I’ve never eaten eggplant before?? Oh well…)

RT @n8sant: The second tower falls at this moment, 8 years ago. #DoNotForget.

RT @n8sant: The first tower falls at this moment, 8 years ago. #DoNotForget.

@mylestones Ah, yes. My children always say please and thank you when they’re insulting me

@MattTCoNP Can’t get ANYTHING past me, can you?

RT @MattTCoNP: I know what ‘Stuff Christians Like’ is going to be about tomorrow. How do I know this…? //BC you’re guest blogging?

Follow @inkpanther because….Oh, just do it because I said so

@mylestones Aren’t they just adorable? When my daughter was 4, she would say, “Mom, would you please stop talking to me?”

Stuff Christians Like is high on the list of Top 100 Church Blogs! Numero (whatever the Spanish word for 4 is) Baybee! @prodigaljohn

And again…Sorry/You’re welcome.

Giving People the business and the handy, dandy toilet purse

Okay, sorry. I know I promised this yesterday, but the doggone non-virtual world was calling out my name. So, here we go. This week I thought I would be nice and post portions of conversations so you might better understand my tweets. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN EVERY WEEK, so you might as well just follow all the folks I talk to or you will be completely lost.

Well, you may be completely lost anyway, but I digress…

This week I got on my cranky twitter ho soapbox a couple of times and then was pretty much silly the rest of the time. (Shocking – I know.)

So without further adieu, the best (and the rest) of me on the twitter:

@PuriChristos You could spell it like “O” “8” and then the other word for donkey. The kids would love that.

@PuriChristos What happened to my suggestion of “big honkin’ building to do stuff in”? That’s gold!

in reply to PuriChristos had a meeting 2day. I’m happy with the results. Looks like we are going with “Oasis” as the name for the Family Life Center.

@llbarkat thanks. I am the opposite of subtle.

@RachelleGardner but you’re not MY agent! But I’m willing to hear your pitch.

in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish OK one more #pubtip: Leave your agent alone on a holiday weekend unless it’s an emergency!

@HerbieGookins Because my children are crapaholics, that’s why.

in reply to HerbieGookins @katdish You seem to be the undisputed queen of crap…er…treasures. Why is that??

@HerbieGookins I LOVE the treasure box! I get rid of lots of crap…er…treasures and donate them to the school

@RachelleGardner Oh, just ONE MORE PUB TIP? Come on…you know you want to…

in reply to RachelleGardner Computer is going OFF. I’m totally SERIOUS now.

Okay. I need chocolate…

RT @stretchmarkmama: @katdish I will smite you with the click of my mouse on the unfollow button! //YOU CAIN’T QUIT ME LISA!

@stretchmarkmama Don’t start…Besides, your tweets are always redeeming and educational…or not

RT @stretchmarkmama: @katdish But what if someone tweets about getting 400 followers? Then will you unfollow? Or simply turn them into salt?

@PuriChristos I said people I don’t know, Nick. You’re safe (for now).

@weightwhat Yes, yes and yes. I’m going 300 on the twitter…

in reply to weightwhat @katdish Will we need the chair and whip today? Or the body armor?

@br8kthru Nah, just Low Carb Monster, and I’m unfollowing annoying people (that I don’t know). So you’re safe

Also if you tell me what a twitter rock star you are and you’re actually being serious. Pull-eease!

Okay seriously people…If I’m following you and I see a tweet about how to get 1000 followers, Buh, bye!

I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I can tell the difference between nougat and cookie. #randomseinfeldquotes

The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. #randomseinfeldquotes

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? #randomseinfeldquotes

Serenity Now! Serenity Now! #randomseinfeldquotes

And you want to be my latex salesman #randomseinfeldquotes

I was in the POOL! #randomseinfeldquotes

The dingo ate your baby! #randomseinfeldquotes

@br8kthru That’s what she said

in reply to br8kthru @katdish OOH, whatnot! It’s been years since I’ve seen some good whatnot.

@br8kthru Yes. There will public denouncing and whatnot…

@TheBonnieGray I prefer “Her Royal Twitter Ho-ness”

AHEM! Also follow @billycoffey or I will viciously unfollow you!

@Helenatrandom Oops! Read that wrong….

@Helenatrandom How’s that?

ATTENTION PLEASE!!!! Follow @helenatrandom or I will viciously unfollow you!

@br8kthru It was intentional. @helenatrandom & I have had this conversation before.

in reply to br8kthru @katdish okay, I think it’s thingy, if singular and thingies, if plural. & did you spell ‘miner’ wrong on purpose? If so, gold!

@Helenatrandom But it’s actually “thingie”. You should know that, being an English miner.

@mabeswife CONGRATS! Awesome!

RT @mabeswife: Okay, my brother knows now so I cn spread the news. Attention: i’m having a baby. We R excited. Carry on abt yr business.

Oh, wait…there she is. Please disregard earlier rampage.

Where is @helenatrandom on my tweetdeck!?! Heads will ROLL, people! Get her back on here!

@JeanneDamoff Hee! Hee!

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Are we talking about “the business” again?

@JeanneDamoff Again…you’re a giver.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish You’re most kindly welcome. It brings me great joy to share the finer fruits of my English degree labors.

@arlenesg Dynamically clever? Ooo! Me likey!

@JeanneDamoff Thank you and I stand corrected.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Fine speech. Excellent points. Editorial remark: I believe the accepted spelling (according to industry standards) is “thingies.”

RT @godhasablog: @katdish Clearly. If it were, I’d have 837 billion followers. For sure.//Okay, @godhasablog agrees with me. How bout that?

Ahhh…I feel much better now

Again, LAME. Stepping down now…

And even if it is, your following is fake, because you don’t give a hoot about your followers, you just care about numbers.

And frankly, I think that’s LAME & you are completely missing the point of social media. It’s not a popularity contest.

If you unfollow me after 24 hrs, then I know that you have one of those automated follow robot thingys.

New refollow rule: Unless I know who you are, I will wait 24 hours before I decide whether to refollow you.

Scuse me, folks. I’m fixin to get up on my twitter soapbox…

@marni71 Snort! How old are we again?

in reply to marni71 @katdish Oh it is SO happening!!

@marni71 Just tell her you’re not going to be her BFF anymore. That’ll show her.

in reply to marni71 @katdish Want me to go all junior high on her and give her the stink eye when I see her next?

@marni71 It hurts ya know? Being snubbed by one of the nicest people on the twitter. It’s like I’m dead to @CandySteele

in reply to marni71 @katdish I feel ya. I was just trying to take the sting of rejection away…

@marni71 That excuse just isn’t working for me…

in reply to marni71 @katdish Yeah, she totally snubbed you.

@CandySteele Okay, that last tweet where I was talking to myself? That’s because you make me sad

@katdish And you mentioned @marni71 twice. I see how you are…

@CandySteele Are you ignoring me? You are, aren’t you?

in reply to CandySteele @redclaydiaries @billycoffey @marni71 @marni71 out of the shower and off to work – have a great day all!

@marni71 This conversation is going from bad to worse…

Nothing like starting your day with talk of toilet purses and pocket protectors.

@redclaydiaries Um….ewh.

in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish So I shouldn’t bring up my new idea: toilet pocket protector?

@redclaydiaries In your pockets. Okay, this conversation is grossing me out.

@redclaydiaries How about a toilet purse?

@CandySteele Morning Candy!

@BridgetChumbley I’m sitting in the carpool line cuz that’s what social media darlings do on their off time.

@redclaydiaries Snort! Bet that woke you up this morning…

He’s coming for you @redclaydiaries, and he looks angry…

Thank you alert DM stalker!9:51 PM Aug 31st from TweetDeck

RT @PuriChristos: @emptynestegg in man ways I am ambidextrous. I have wondered if I was suppose to be a leftie like my sis.//blog fodder!

@buzzbyannies Says @katdish, and I’m trying to write a blog post. Shhhh!!!!

in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Says who?

@buzzbyannies Girl, you can’t RT yourself!

@Brian_Russell Well get your geek on, Brian!8:40 PM Aug 31st from TweetDeck in reply to Brian_Russell Nerd alert: I have 3 web browsers, and used all of them in one sitting!

RT @CandySteele: @PuriChristos it’s back to throbbing. Better today though.//Ahh….blog fodder!

RT @MattTCoNP: @HeRockzDotCom Maybe Joel Osteen’s prosperity gospel is the porn of Christianity…//Maybe?????

@billycoffey I’m only on my first cup of coffee, Coffey. Gimme a break.

in reply to billycoffey @katdish Ahem, shouldn’t you be tending to a certain something for a certain someone?

@Helenatrandom Just as long as you promise to pick on him next week.

@billycoffey Oh, nobody likes a whiner.

in reply to billycoffey @katdish Helen likes me, obviously unlike someone else I know.

@Helenatrandom Why are you being nice to @billycoffey? It’s really not necessary…

So, I’ll see you sneaking off to unfollow me.

Oh, and thanks for all the new follows! As promised, I did a courtesy refollow. Now don’t unfollow me, because I have

@weightwhat That’s supposed to be “shameless self promotion”. Gaaa!

Just added myself to the twitter directory under: #jesus #writerblogger #add #painter #shame

RT @CandySteele: @katdish I just got followed by @ihateyou99 I feel so special//LAWSOME!

DANG! I can’t follow myself!

I need one more follower to break 800. Can I follow myself?

@PeterPollock I mean, that’s unfortunate.

@PeterPollock What a bunch of losers…

in reply to PeterPollock @katdish They trawl for people they can follow then go back some time later and unfollow everyone who isn’t following them.

@PeterPollock I don’t get how these bots work.

I have 795 followers. My 800th follower will get (drum roll please……) absolutely nothing – except maybe a courtesy re-follow.

RT @JeanneDamoff: @katdish Especially when it comes to giving “the business.”//that’s what she said!

@JeanneDamoff you’re such a giver.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish I’m thinking YouTube for free. I’m generous like that.

@JeanneDamoff You could probably get literally tens of dollars for that video on the black market.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Okay, then. Take video.

@JeanneDamoff It’s all or nothing, baby!

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Give it a try! Then let me know how it goes. (Without getting too graphic.)

@JeanneDamoff I have identified a location of a class, yes.

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish Aw. Thanks! πŸ™‚ Did you find a zumba class to join?

@JeanneDamoff Sort of like me…

in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish “Giving me the business” ranks among my favorite phrases of all time. It’s so full of meaning in a meaningless sort of way.

@JeanneDamoff I’m good, thank you. “Giving you the business?” Snort! That could have several meanings…

@RachelleGardner Horse poop is the great equalizer.

in reply to RachelleGardner If you ever start thinking you’re “all that,” I recommend an afternoon mucking stalls. Shoveling horse poop keeps you humble.

@JeanneDamoff I’m gonna sign myself up for a zumba class. It’s been awhile since I publicly humiliated myself.

#FF @unmarketing and then follow his advice on HOW NOT TO BE ANNOYING ON THE TWITTER!

#FF – Follow me – because I put the asian in Caucasian.

Again…Sorry/You’re welcome!

The Art of the Twitter Unfollow

Subtitled: How to be unintentionally annoying on the twitter

Yes, I’m still in a mood…

Some people just have a knack for sucking the fun out of EVERYTHING! Case in point – people who think twitter is some contest to see who can get the most followers.

Okay, I openly admit that it’s a bit of an ego boost to have a bunch of followers, but that is SO not the point. It’s social media people – that’s means to socialize, not cover my tweetdeck with your ginormous head and tell me how you’ve been voted the top tweeter with the most followers. REALLY? That’s amazing considering the only other thing you ever tweet besides “Look how great I am” is lame @$$ jokes and tired old quotes that are no doubt automatically generated by some robot.

And yes, I will also openly admit that Twitter and other social media outlets are outstanding ways to promote an idea or even a product. But if you think you’re going to get me to pay attention to you just because you have a few thousand followers you’re wrong.

Engage me. Make me laugh or cry or think or pray or ponder an alternative opinion. But shut up about your stupid self all the time! Yeah, I talk about myself a lot, but that’s just me being adorably annoying. It’s what I do.

But I also have conversations with people. THAT’S SORT OF THE POINT.

Which bring me to my next point: These trolling services that seek out new people to follow so that you can get a courtesy refollow. Then, if the person doesn’t refollow you within a certain time (usually 24 hrs), it automatically unfollows that person. Unless the unsuspecting person uses, they never even know you unfollowed them. LAME, people! L-A-M-E!

So how do we fight this? Well first off, if you’re not signed up for Nutshell or similar service, do so. It will give you updates on follows, unfollows, DMs – replies, the whole she-bang sent to you via email. I dig it the most. Next, unless you know the person, wait 24 hours before you refollow them. If you get an alert from NutShell saying they have unfollowed you, then you will know that they could care less about your tweets. You’re just another lemming follower to them.

Know this – if I’m following you, it’s because I have taken the time to look over your profile and found you engaging in some way or another. Either that or you’re Chris Daughtry, who last time I checked IS STILL NOT FOLLOWING ME! But I’m not bitter…

And now that I have ranted incessantly on my Friday twitter update post, I have no room for tweets. But don’t worry – it was a banner week and I will update later today. Which, of course – I will tweet over and over again…


Gaining followers the old fashioned way: One annoying tweet at a time.

Squirrels, coffee and brownie in a cup

I was shocked and appauled at how few tweets I had this week. Mostly because even though I was on the computer quite a bit, I was actually working – like doing real worky stuff. Strange sensation, I gotta tell ya. I was however, sucked back into the twitter on several occassions, tried to leave, and then got sucked back in again. Okay, okay…I’m making excuses. It’s just too much fun sometimes! Besides, one of my tweets actually inspired @redclaydiaries to write a very touching blog post about squirrels and coffee. So there you go.

Also? Helen is back. So YAY!

Also? I still hate snarky anonymous comments. BOO!

And @rachellegardner – I’m sure brownie in a cup is wonderful. Just seems like a whole lot of trouble for not very much chocolatey deliciousness. Simmer down, girl.

The best (or not) of me on the twitter:

@beckfromfrogandtoad Oh….Canada. Cursed metric system!

@beckfromfrogandtoad I still can’t believe it’s 10 anywhere! It’s like 90 hundred degrees here with 200% humidity.

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: It is 10 out this morning. TEN. G’bye, summer. //TEN? Get out!

RT @tremendousnews: I spent the last 19 minutes trying to find William Hung on Twitter. Yes. That’s where I am in life. There.

RT @muchl8r: Not awake. Driving to work. Must be like those flying dreams. Admitedly though, i always fall in those. . .//Be careful!

@Helenatrandom Yeeeaahhh…I bet you have a few emails.

@Helenatrandom Are you back?

Just to tell you, I’m in a FOUL MOOD! And I will be ranting incessantly about it on my blog tomorrow. Grrrrr!

RT @unmarketing: There are people in this world that deserve your emotions, and those that don’t. Choose the former to focus on. //YESH!

@marni71 Where else? SCL

Those who can, do. Those who cannot leave snarky , unconstructive anonymous comments of other people’s blogs.

@marni71 Oh, dang…Sorry to hear that. (In reply to: @katdish No…it’s chili-bowl-ish. With curls. Gettin’ the visual?)

@marni71 I keep forgetting how thick your hair is. So is it Rosanne Rosana Danna-ish?

@PeterPollock Expect an email blast shortly…

Okay people! I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET TO WORK! Stop distracting me!

@RachelleGardner Except maybe the virtues of store bought cakes or brownies in a cup.

@RachelleGardner Oooo! It’s on like donkey kong! But I REALLY hope we never have anything to argue about. (In response to: @katdish Do you get feisty when someone argues with you? Cuz I’ll take you on, girl. Bring it.)

@billycoffey Yes. You are correct. (In response to: @katdish No. Because that’s pretty pointless, isn’t it?)

@Brian_Russell Brian, I never start anything. People just like to pick on me…(sheepish look)

@gyoung9751 You agree with Mr. Coffey? Hmph!

@billycoffey Are you arguing with me? (In response to: @katdish Experience has taught me otherwise.)

RT @br8kthru: @katdish womenfolk: your arms are just as capable of taking out the trash- do it once in a while. :)//Oooo! I’m telling!

Menfolk: The uterus is not a homing device. Find your own car keys.

But before I go…a public service announcement:

Okay. Gotta get off the twitter. Got some work to do.

RT @simonleung: “I’ve been hanging around Chinese people so much lately… I forgot I’m Vietnamese!” – Aimee Vo (@aimeevo)

Oh, shameless self promotion, how I love thee…

RT @ProfessionalOne: There are over 200,000,000 Blogs//But not nearly as many worth reading. Mine, for instance…

@katdish Or to the Walmarts.

@RachelleGardner I wonder that every time I go to the book store.

RT @RachelleGardner: evr get frustrated trying 2 get a book deal, & then wonder y so many BAD books get published?

Great interview: @TheBonnieGray interviews @billycoffey. No, really…it’s very good. Would I lie to you?

RT @redclaydiaries: New blog post, inspired by @katdish. I’m sorry/You’re welcome.

@shrinkingcamel There’s no “I” in TEAM, but there is ME.

RT @tylerstanton: Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things. #wisdompearls

Okay peeps! Gotta get some shut eye. 6AM comes pretty early. Sometimes as early as 6AM. G’night!

I realize that @redclaydiaries is probably asleep, but I needed to share this with her:

@becca_homefront Well, just between you and me – she’s a bit gassy.

That’s one strange kid. Must take after her father…

8yo daughter informed me she did not have chocolate milk at school because she is 1/2 lactose intolerant. What does that even mean?

@WinLiannefield What are struggles in life if not blog fodder?

Could the BE anymore paperwork to fill out for my kid’s school? Not that I’m complaining. But I totally am…

Fixing what’s broken by @billycoffey (There – HAPPY now?)

@billycoffey What’s that?….Mmm, hmm. Thought so…

@billycoffey Maybe I’m working on something for someone else. And maybe I’ll just stop doing that. How’s that work for ya? (In response to: I have to post on @katdish’s blog because she won’t get off Twitter. Fixing what’s broken:

@katdish Oooo! Heading over there…beware the wrath of @katdish cowardly Anonymous!

RT @prodigaljohn: A hateful blog comment with no name deserves a response with no words. (Or a “badger gram” but badgers are hard to mail)

RT @annalisa2: β€œDon’t write down to your readers. The ones dumber than you can’t read.”//BA HA HA! Good one.

@br8kthru You’re welcome. Now go read my blog…

Just had 2 Ginkgo Bilobas with a low carb monster chaser. Bring it, Foo!

@redclaydiaries Yes. Perhaps the George Costanza approach to life is fitting…

@JeanneDamoff I would think you would be a literary agent’s dream come true.

@marni71 Let me put it this way – if they had a debate team in the 3rd grade, my daughter would be president of it.

RT @unmarketing: Hey you, ya the one that just tagged me in a Facebook note just so I’d read it. You’re a jackass.//Ah, honesty! Refreshing.

How not to suck as a Leader by @shrinkingcamel (who sucks at linking his blog posts)

RT @shrinkingcamel: The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist. //HA! Brilliant!

@HerbieGookins This much I know is true…(In reply to: @katdish My dorkiness knows no bounds.)

@HerbieGookins You are so cool in your dorkiness.

@BridgetChumbley Barely. I boxed up all her Barbies in a fit of rage. But she’s okay with it.

RT @marni71: @br8kthru don’t listen to the haters…not everyone can rawk the sweater vests.//And stripes to boot!

RT @br8kthru: @PeterPollock you better zip it, Peter! You’re just jealous of my nerdy machismo //Just tell me you’re not wearing plaid pants

@br8kthru Alaskan beer in Texas chili? Dunno about that…

@pwilson Man card violation pending…(In response to: Stopping for a green tea frappucino on my way back to the 6pm @crosspoint_tv. It’s my latest addiction.)

Gotta go buy some beer. No – for chili.

@shrinkingcamel Now you’re talking…2:47 PM Aug 23rd from TweetDeck in reply to shrinkingcamel (In response to: OMGhost! I will hunt down wireless in this God-forsaken beach town. //Or, I will steal my wife’s precious i-phone)

@shrinkingcamel You’re posting for me this week! How are you going to respond to your adoring fans? (In response to: The only prob- no – internet – access — HE-L-P — M-EE (gasp)

RT @jewda4: R dog freaks out whenever I make an elephant noise. Only a long car trip could provide such valuable & entertaining information.

Typically have 10 to 12 kiddos at church. Today 26. At a church plant, there’s only so much planning you can do. God brings who he brings.

Son starts junior high tomorrow. Who me? Nervous? Um, yes.

@Brian_Russell Rock, indeed.

I’m sass talking @weightwhat via direct messaging! Mwha ha ha!

My daugther’s room is an unmitigated disaster from her slumber party last night. I mean IT. IS. BAD

RT @AlexGoodall: Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. //Okay, that’s just funny right there

@prodigaljohn HEY! The snuggie is my signature giveaway! Oh…whatever!

@billycoffey Ooo! Market a cologne called “new book”. Like “the beach” from Kramer.

@muchl8r Aren’t you following Gangsta Steph?

@redclaydiaries And you’re an authority on gangstas?

@MichaelHyatt Or the estrogen… (In response to: The Woman of Faith conference has just begun. You can’t imagine the energy in this room!)

@muchl8r Fo shizzle.

@muchl8r Vato to you to. What’s Vato?

And yes, I know it’s Saturday. But you’re not the boss of me.

#ff @muchl8r because he embraces his grumpiness. It works for him.

#ff Follow @asilannax Because she ate a cupcake with a Q-tip.

#ff @shrinkingcamel because he’s really not a camel.

@asilannax You ate a cupcake with a Q-tip? Okay, that’s just weird…

RT @asilannax: I 8 a cupcake w/ a Q-Tip. y? b/c I’m cute & quirky, that’s y! Actual reason: I might B slightly mentally disturbed.

Follow Friday: @chrissulli Because he really needs to step up his twitter game.

As always – Sorry/You’re welcome.

Bon Qui Qui, private emails, and thinly veiled threats of violence

I jumped in a conversation this week between @JeanneDamoff and @redclaydiaries about Bon Qui Qui, who I think is hilarious. But it occurred to me that some of you might not know who Bon Qui Qui is. Hence the above video. It’s a wonder I was even on the twitter at all this week considering the barrage of multiple recepient emails flying back and forth, but I managed quite a few tweets somehow. Many of these tweets will reference one such email, so they will only make sense to those people on the email list. But as I’ve said in the past, this post is primarily for my own enjoyment. Because as you know, I crack myself up. So there you go…

The best (or not) of me on the twitter this week:

@RachelleGardner Shhhhh!!!!! She can read you know! Besides, she won. White cake, orange frosting.

My daughter wants to bake a cake. My attempts to convince her of the superiority of store bought cakes have failed.


RT @marni71: @katdish @weightwhat @HerbieGookins @ redclaydiaries. Sherri just emailed us. She said Big Al is bored stiff. TWSS.

So, how do the google ads in the sidebar work? How is it that there’s an ad that says “Don’t eat me piggy t-shirts?”

@HerbieGookins If you get Mike Rowe to come to your house, you’d better find some room for me, too…

Sherri spreads lies and half-truths about her friends for all the world to see:

@lizzyarmentrout of course I have. I’m the administrator of it. One blog many contributors. Like a Mensa think tank, okay nothing like that.

Do you read the smartypants blog? It’s influence must be growing.

@Brian_Russell Sigh…that made me laugh.

RT @Brian_Russell: You know you’re grumpy when you get angry at your flagrant use of “yah” instead of “yeah” in an IM conversation.


Whoa…I just got Rick rolled by @weightwhat ‘s blog.

Okay, sheesh! Gotta lay down some wisdom in the comments section. Who wrote a post today?

@PrairieLady Oh, I’ve scared him off for now. Which is good. He’s got work to do.

@billycoffey Run, but you can’t hide…

RT @weightwhat: @billycoffey Are you sure @katdish isn’t omnipresent? //I knew you were going to say that…

@marni71 @billycoffey. uh-huh…I see how you are. Can you endure the wrath of @katdish?

@billycoffey I think one half samuri trumps one quarter Cherokee. Just saying.

@billycoffey don’t you get sassy with me young man! I’ll go samuri on you!

@billycoffey i’m at the dentist’s office. I can’t keep up. What the heck are y’all talking about? Gaaa!

@redclaydiaries Get your mind out of the gutter. And yes, that email conversation was delightful, no?

@marni71 Well dang. Now I’m hungry, and I don’t have any bananas or nuts….

@redclaydiaries You should have a Big Al smoothie.

@CandySteele She’ll never see your tweet. She can’t even figure out how to get on the twitter!

Everyone please follow @gabbysherri It may take awhile before she refollows, because she forgot her user name.

@buzzbyannies I wonder how many typos she could make in 140 characters or less.

@CandySteele @buzzbyannies We might just get Sherri on the twitter after all…

@buzzbyannies Hmm….I dunno I think it might be Al right to mention it.

@buzzbyannies @CandySteele Good Morning! What’s for breakfast? (Snort!)

@weightwhat Platonic bathing incident…

@marni71 @weightwhat Go check the email…

@PeterPollock I ALWAYS go there…

@tremendousnews So basically, what you’re saying is that you have hair where monkeys don’t?

RT @br8kthru: @katdish besides if anyone knows disturbing, it’s me.//Yeah, you’re all up in disturbing…

@br8kthru Judge not, lest you be judged.

RT @godhasablog: @katdish Jiminy Cripple? //BA! HA! HA!

@br8kthru Ahhh, that’s the beauty of twitter. Sometimes it makes no sense at all.

@marni71 We should market our butt fat to skinny lipped celebrities.

Dear @godhasablog – what DO you call a grasshopper with one leg?

@marni71 I figured people would be googling your lips. Who did them anyway?

@marni71 Did you notice that someone is googling your sunglasses?

@godhasablog thanks be to you for leaving a comment on my blog. Ask and ye shall receive…

@RachelleGardner Congrats! You now represent at least 2 potential best selling novelists.

This cat is pushing a watermelon out of a lake. Your argument is invalid:

Okay, people! My kids need haircuts. Be back later to enhance all your lives thru the power of social media.

@PuriChristos Okay, Nick. Let me finish writing my smartypants opus first. Gotta go!

@indymavs You’re welcome. Now don’t unfollow me or I will publicly berate you via the twitter.

@CandySteele I’m channeling Sherri through my recipe emails.

50. RT @br8kthru: @katdish I told her, Jesus took away my shame. // You have the spiritual gift of sarcasm. I dig that

RT @redclaydiaries: @br8kthru @katdish @weightwhat OH DEAR GOD. WHAT HAVE U DONE TO PETER?! HAVE YOU NO SHAME? //Of course we don’t.

@oliveshoot You can’t just tweet “poop in my dryer” and then leave it at that. We need follow up.

@marni71 So you just jump on the twitter and announce your dinner? I’m fine, thank you.

@BridgetChumbley I’m not sure where @billycoffey is. Probably hunting garbage can bears.

@br8kthru @weightwhat Again…NOT MY FAULT.

Can I be honest? I have absolutely no interest in the comings and goings of Lady Ga Ga.

RT @shrinkingcamel: @katdish Oh boy, here we go. Where’s the spanking machine at? //Snort!

@shrinkingcamel You’re still following me, aren’t you Bradley?

@br8kthru Why do I suddenly have the urge to watch The Muppet Show?

RT @br8kthru: @peterpollock Beauty has a new name: Peterlyn Monroe (please don’t hate me) //That ain’t right!

RT @br8kthru: @PeterPollock @katdish @jeanneDamoff okay give me a minute and we’ll be ready to roll… (warning: it has bosoms)

@PeterPollock @br8kthru @JeanneDamoff I’m giddy with anticipation…

RT @br8kthru: @JeanneDamoff and the enough-knowledge-of-photoshop-to-morph-a-picture set

@PeterPollock Mwha-ha-ha!

@PeterPollock Since when do I have any power? I am but a meek and lowly homemaker.

@PeterPollock @br8kthru I would just like to go on the record as saying this was not my fault. That is all. Carry on.

@joannesher What’s another word for synonym?

@PeterPollock I just got a VERY BAD VISUAL of you Peter!

@JeanneDamoff You’re so eloquent in your sarcasm…

@JeanneDamoff Scurvy is really not an area of expertise for @redclaydiaries. She is, however, an expert on multiple laundry baskets.

@redclaydiaries Scurvy? In response to what?

@katdish Not that I care…(sniff, sniff)

@redclaydiaries I can’t believe I missed a conversation with @godhasablog Who, BTW has not commented on my blog for some time now.

@JeanneDamoff Ahhh…sometimes I just can’t help myself. Okay, most of the time.

@JeanneDamoff He’s better than a multi-vitaman? Yes, reading @billycoffey doesn’t make your pee stink

@JeanneDamoff Yay! I saw your comment on FB via email yesterday, but then I got distra….Oooo! Shiny

Time to cut and paste a blog post…

Time to go write a blog post. Oh, wait…tomorrow’s Monday. @billycoffey wrote a blog post.

@Brian_Russell Yeah, yeah…everyone’s a critic.

Or should I say Leonardo Da Vinci?

Lee-da-nardo Da Finka (This is how my daughter pronouces Leonardo Da Vanci.

@CandySteele Perhaps you misplaced them in the corn.

I am being sass talked via direct messaging.8:34 PM Aug 16th from TweetDeck

I will now go attempt to lull them to sleep with a lullaby. If that fails, I’ll threaten to take away all electronic media.

My kids start school in a week. They both slept until 11:00 am on Saturday morning. Me thinks we need to set a new bed time.

@CandySteele Nah, I lived in Charlotte, NC. Race tracks don’t scare me. Mostly John Cougar Mellencamp.

@CandySteele Don’t threaten me with corn, Candy. @HerbieGookins has tried to scare me with Indiana. I will not be silenced!

@marni71 Do you think Iowa can handle the both of us? Texas, yes. The other states? Not so sure…

@marni71 I find it amusing that @MattTCoNP is pimping his blog via the twitter. You know, the thing he swore he’d never be on?

Yet another interview with @billycoffey. That guy is EVERYWHERE!

They say the eyes are the windows to a person’s soul. I say their DM’s are…

Because mastering the game of corn hole isn’t enough for @pwilson:

If you want a refollow, then tweet something interesting. I don’t even have to agree with you.

@emptynestegg There’s a fine line between appealing and appalling, no?

Why do people keep following me, then unfollowing me, then following me again? Make up your mind already!

@arlenesg And can someone really get too big for their bitches?

@arlenesg Um…was that a typo in that last tweet? Read it again. (snort)

So…I’m looking thru some of @prodigaljohn ‘s posts , and someone referred to @purichristos (Nick the Geek) as Nick the Nerd (BA HA HA!)

RT @br8kthru: @weightwhat it’s just misunderstood that’s all. It wants to know what love is. It wants you to show it…

RT @pwilson: @katdish I can’t believe you doubt me. I’ll show you.//You don’t need to play well – look at Alanis Morrisette. She’s awful

By a show of hands, how many people think @pwilson will actually learn to play the harmonica?

Where are the men folk? I feel the need to make someone uncomfortable.

@weightwhat That br8kdish was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. Who knew 2 such fabulous looking people could look so bad?

@Helenatrandom You’re not dissing Agatha Christie are you? Ah will cut you…

@redclaydiaries Yes, and then wrap your body in the snuggie.

@JeanneDamoff For the record, I was NOT threatening to cut Steph, just whoever was lurking. She was my ride.

@JeanneDamoff Did Steph write a post? Look! Flying pigs!

@redclaydiaries Ah am not tryin tah fight you. There wount be no fight. Ain’t that right Da-wayne?

@redclaydiaries Ah will still cut you… @BonQuiQui #madeuptwitternames

@buzzbyannies That’s not crap…uh, well…What-ev!

@buzzbyannies Sorry. You know I’m anti-crap.

#FF Follow @billycoffey so you can say you followed him before he was famous.

As always…Sorry/You’re welcome!

This week on the twitter: Family feuds, bacon donuts, and John C. Maxwell riding on Shamu

Despite spending much time away from my computer this week, I still got in a few marathon rounds on the twitter. My friend @helenatrandom was sorely missed this week. It seems her laptop was sent out for repairs. But hopefully, she will be back soon to help me in my quest to enrich lives through the power of social media.

I was able to give some sound (or not) relationship advice via direct messaging, discuss the merits of bacon in baked goods, and perhaps even lay the groundwork for a redneck family feud back in my home state of Virginia. Ahh…life is good.

Without further adieu, the best (or not) of me on the twitter:

@JeanneDamoff Did I miss you on the twitter again? Dang!

@marklamberti The most annoying sound in the world? Do you know my family?

Thank you. Carry on with your bantering…

Okay, seriously. Cannot get sucked into the twitter. I have to write something!

@BridgetChumbley You really should raise your standards…

@SteveGarufi Are you following @billycoffey? He’s the real rabid Yankee fan. (Besides you, that is.)

@weightwhat Sigh…I know the feeling. The life of a social media darling is not all champagne and roses

@weightwhat Yesh, I bow to your twitter ho-ness.

@weightwhat Are the air quotes implied when you say “special”?

@lizzyarmentrout I’m never quiet. I’m just being loud elsewhere…

My “mentions” column is completely empty. Does this mean no one is talking about @katdish?

@br8kthru How much creativity does it take to send someone something like that? Be original for crying out loud!

@br8kthru Delete, delete, delete! Facebook bugs me…

RT @PeterPollock: Facebook just asked me if I want to view 151 new posts. Ummm… no thank you!//Exactly!

I’ve written several childrens books. Not on purpose. – Steven Wright

@marni71 Indeed! (sideways smiley face wink emoticon)

@redclaydiaries Crazy Steve:

@redclaydiaries Drake and Josh? Hello?

@redclaydiaries Alternate universe: Crazy Steve is mine.

@becca_homefront Where have you been young lady?!?

@marni71 Spencer or Crazy Steve. Anyway you slice it, I love that guy!

@marni71 I am also watching educational television: iCarley

@redclaydiaries I’d like to see @johncmaxwell riding Shamu as he jumps out of the water. Set that up for me, will ya?

@redclaydiaries YOU LIFT ME UUUUUPPPP!!!!!

@PeterPollock I just figured @michaelhyatt might need a boost from my mighty following.

RT @billycoffey: @katdish Cheater!//I play hardball.

@muchl8r I can’t wait to be old and inappropriate. As opposed to middle aged and inappropriate.

@billycoffey Oh you don’t scare me….much.

@ @katdish – 1 @billycoffey – 0

RT @emptynestegg: @billycoffey wait are you a Yankee fan???//Do you not know him AT ALL?

@muchl8r So, is she like @helenatrandom? She loves Jesus but she drinks a little?

@emptynestegg That’s okay…I know you like me best.

@billycoffey Are you trying to tarnish my family name? Because if you are, you’re way too late for that.

@muchl8r Your grandma works at the liquor store?

@emptynestegg All major credit cards accepted. Except Discover. Nobody takes Discover except for Sears

Grandma Lee just beat out a bunch of drag queens on America’s Got Talent. Who says there’s nothing good on television?

@billycoffey That might be a problem, as many of my relatives have had their drivers license temporarily suspended…

@billycoffey Fine. We’ll meet the Coffeys at the Rivah!

@billycoffey The Dishmans are a pretty scary bunch…

@billycoffey I know you live in VA, and I have lots of kinfolk that could track you down…

@beckfromfrogandtoad I had a sewing teacher tell me that I should just give up. Which sucked because she was also my mom.

@marni71 Is @stacyasmallSFL personally responsible for vampire neutering?

@billycoffey Now be nice or I’ll get @weightwhat on here.

@billycoffey AHEM! I’m still here…

@Helenatrandom Helen! My sweet Helen! When are you getting your computer back?

@redclaydiaries No refunds. I get 10% of the proceeds.

@redclaydiaries You can’t sneak up on me!

@billycoffey Sheesh! Don’t sneak up on me like that! Stalker!

@billycoffey (Whistling and looking skyward…) (In response to @billycoffey: was that directed at me?)

HA! Take that 140 character limit

@BridgetChumbley So they don’t have to keep checking back to see if there’s a new post up.

@BridgetChumbley But as ADD as I tend to be, I think posting at the same time every day helps. Readers know when a new post will be up.

@BridgetChumbley I dunno. I think M-W-F is a good schedule. I have 2 guest posts per week, plus a rerun on Saturday.

@BridgetChumbley More than once what? A week? You should lower your standards. Works for me.

@redclaydiaries It’s a must for a social media darling…

@redclaydiaries Kindle e-book app? Where is that? Give us the Precious! We wants it!

Am I the only person that actually schedules their blog post for the same time every day?

@PeterPollock Oh, well that’s even worse! What is it with you writer types?

@Power2BThin Okay thanks. But just to tell you, I still like greasy tacos…

@PeterPollock Is this your lazy post linking @michaelhyatt ?

RT @marni71: @katdish Get thee behind me satan!! Er, uh, I mean, yeah, I love Jack in the Box tacos too.

@redclaydiaries No, authentic katdish. Much more valuable.

Dear @power2bthin – why the unfollow? It was the bacon donut comment, huh? Or maybe the greasy tacos?

@marni71 I love Jack in the Box tacos. I like to remove the pesky crispy part and just go for the grease soaked portions.

@redclaydiaries I’m saying he CAIN’T quit me! Many have unfollowed only to return. Begging forgiveness.

@BigBags You’re grovin’ in you cube? Is that like groovin’ with clogs?

RT @redclaydiaries: @PeterPollock Sounds like you need @katdish aversion therapy.//The genie is out of the bottle. It cannot be undone.

Sigh…I miss @helenatrandom

@weightwhat Cue the creepy twilight zone music!

RT @redclaydiaries: @weightwhat And by the way, you’re dead to @katdish. (Is that like being dead to your sins?)/It’s exactly like that.

@redclaydiaries Oh wait…there she is. Nevermind.

@redclaydiaries No. I can’t see her. She’s dead to me.

@redclaydiaries Oh, okay…so if @billycoffey talks to you, that makes you significant? What am I? Bacon donut?

@WinLiannefield Do you know what that bacon muffin needs? Ham sandwich.

@redclaydiaries Give us the Precious. I’m going to be quoting you all day.

@WinLiannefield “A muffin is a bald cupcake.” – Jim Gaffigan

The doctor is in.

RT @asilannax: Therapy session with @katdish. She’s the greatest. Don’t take her away, I’ll cut you. Follow her instead.

@PeterPollock “man-sassy”?

@PeterPollock Ooo! Aren’t we the sassy one today?

@PeterPollock Oh, Peter. You’re just being lazy…

@redclaydiaries For the love of Gumby, why would I have any pictures of Donald Trump?

@redclaydiaries And please, if they go bald, let them not sport a combover.

Puritanism–the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. – Henry Louis Mencken

@billycoffey Thanks. I think that would be mantastic!

@redclaydiaries I’m waiting for those folks who might actually have those twitter names to send me angry DMs.

@buzzbyannies I’ve been around, screaming profanities at my internet service.

@redclaydiaries Oh, (dirty word!) that was even more ridiculous than the snuggie! (But I’m sure it would look good on you.)

@weightwhat I suppose you’re right, even though @You‘reNotTheBossOfMe #madeuptwitternames

@weightwhat @yesIam #madeuptwitternames

@12itemsorless #madeuptwitternames

@theguywhomakesthedonuts #madeuptwitternames

And a new hashtag is born #madeuptwitternames

@oprahsboyfriendstedman #madeuptwitternames

I totally made up that name…

@weightwhat or perhaps @oprahsfriendgayle if @oprah is busy.

@weightwhat Should I make some calls? Maybe my friend @oprah could help her out.

@BridgetChumbley Thanks. Me too. But it was nice to interface with the non-virtual people.

Interloop – made up word by @katdish. I’m claiming intellectual property on that baby!

@weightwhat Has she been going to the library? I’m so out of the interloop

As always…Sorry/you’re welcome.

Birthday Week on the Twitter

This week was Katdishmas, and because my dad, sister, son and daughter all have birthdays all clumped up right around mine, I’ve been celebrating by spending less time on the computer. Sadly, this means less time on the twitter as well. But I still manage to enrich lives and make the world a better place through the magic of social media.

Or not…

@PuriChristos @br8kthru And for the record, how do you know that @weightwhat and I aren’t 484? We are shiny vampires.

@PuriChristos Well kudos to your gigantic head

@PuriChristos Dude. I paint and my dh is an engineer. I don’t need no stinking math!

@br8kthru Curses! Math rears its ugly head again!

@br8kthru I figured you would be eating baby seal or polar bear.

@weightwhat I know – I don’t look a day over 43 huh?

@weightwhat I’m 22 squared

RT @weightwhat: @br8kthru Beware the Belgian sandwich! That’s not fancy bologna you’re eating! (You are going to cause Belgium to invade)

@weightwhat How do you make a pretzel? I thought they grew on metal revolving trees.

@br8kthru Yes. And stop and get a pretzel on the way home. Tell them I sent you.

RT @ProfessionalOne: @katdish Sorry, I thought it was 8 crazy nights of Katdishannukah! My bad! (Snort!)

@ProfessionalOne Well, you should have marked your calendar. Katdishmas is a national holdiay

@ProfessionalOne You have yet to wish me a Happy Birthday. Still pouting?

This is the most amazing birthday poem I’ve ever received (also, the only one – but stil) Amazing:

Wow. Already one o’ clock and still I have not eaten any cake today? Must remedy that situation…

@br8kthru The hot pretzel is a rare and beautiful thing, no?

@br8kthru I’m taking my son to the mall. Does that count as excitement?

Halloooo! @helenatrandom, wherever you are!

@theBirthdayBot Why, thank you Birthday Bot!

@buzzbyannies And I forgive you for all the annoying emoticons, because I’m forgiving like that

@buzzbyannies Thank you Annie! Boz is SO stinking cute!

Happy Katdishmas Everyone!

Sheesh! I’m old now. Gotta go to bed…

billycoffey Look. I know what I’m doing. Just trust me. (Said the spider to the fly.)

@billycoffey Aw come on! Might be good for your platform…

@billycoffey Snort! Video! I want to see video!

@PeterPollock Makes sense. Most English names infer a profession (Blacksmith, etc.) Perhaps your kinfolk were fish mongers

@br8kthru I don’t know…farging bastitches…

@BabySnooks I swear my laundry is mating and making new laundry.

@weightwhat I keep offering, but then @HerbieGookins starts threatening me with Indiana again.

@weightwhat I sent them to @muchl8r . They needed him to spread the fairy skank to Idaho.

@weightwhat When is Helen going to get her computer fixed? Priorities, Helen. Priorities!

What’s you top Keyword Search? Bet it’s not “Why Helen not buying me a chicken”:

It is katdishmas eve. Have you finished your shopping yet? There’s still time.

@muchl8r Well grumpy ho good morning to you

@weightwhat Wow. @billycoffey is getting really pushy. Me thinks I’ve created a monster…

@weightwhat You’d have to cut me off at the knees and put stilettos on my bloody stumps for that to happen

@HerbieGookins Now see, our library is always so busy, so rather than bother them w/checking out the books, I just put them in my purse.

@billycoffey Now you’re talking…

@billycoffey Yes. You have been neglecting your twitter ho diva friends

@marni71 Thanks. You know how I get…

@weightwhat You’re welcome. Where do you get a Jesus beach bucket anyway?

@HerbieGookins Yes. Somebody’s getting their cranky ho on this week at SCL

I REALLY hate snarky Anonymous comments. Cowards…

RT @prodigaljohn: The easiest way to ruin doing something you love is to do it as an attempt to please people who hate you.

Okay. I have successfully filled up the tweetdeck with my enormous head, so I guess it’s time to get some shut eye.

@KevinMartineau Gotta love bacon.

@KevinMartineau I pink fuzzy heart Jim Gaffigan. Is he on the twitter?

@PeterPollock I KNEW I’d heard that word before! Jim Gaffigan! Caliente Pocket!

@emptynestegg Seems to be where it’s starting. But I’m sure it will go downhill fast. It always does.

@PeterPollock What in the heck does “caliente” mean?

@weightwhat That’s you. We always know what you mean.

@weightwhat I just thought of the scene where Joey says, “If you know what I mean”, & someone else says, “We always know what you mean.”

@weightwhat Did you ever watch “Friends”?

@br8kthru Impressive. My mother has a blackbelt in passive-aggressive behavior.

@br8kthru It typically goes back to stomach discomfort with @weightwhat, no?

@br8kthru Sounds to me like your fishing for a compliment. Which is incredibly adorable in a passive-aggressive sort of way.

@br8kthru Oh, Jason…shut up.

@weightwhat YESH! I would need more low carb monster in order to courtesy unfollow. I don’t even unfollow people that unfollow me.

I’ve gotten 2 answers to a question I asked earlier. Problem is, I forgot the question…

@weightwhat Nah. I’m sort of like @tremendousnews in that I rarely unfollow because of my devastating laziness.

You should read this soon. After midnight, I’m posting something incredibly stupid: The Shine by @billycoffey

@weightwhat What? My refollow tweet, or the fact that I crack myself up?

@jewda4 No. You do not need that toy. You’re a grown man. Buy a really expensive toy, like a sports car.

Also? I crack myself up.

Especially when I’m following them as a courtesy refollow. Sucktacular!

When I get a DM saying “thanks for the follow, I will follow you back!”

Okay, so you know what makes me feel like a super special follower? (No, do tell…)

@pwilson Does Crosspoint have a “gum budget” for you?

RT @pwilson: Huge Announcement: My new favorite gum is Orbit’s raspberry mint. Yummy delicious. (ALERT THE MEDIA)

@jackalopekid I’m just giving you a hard time. It’s what I do…

@jackalopekid You ask a lot of questions…

@ryanmer Goody!

@ryanmer Crap away

@ryanmer Yay! I expect an autographed copy, of course…

@ProfessionalOne And I never said YOU were boring, just your job…

@ProfessionalOne Katdishesque? That’s a new one. Also have heard Katdishyness, but only in DMs.

@mabeswife I think my chances are slim to none. Mostly because I don’t handle rejection well. Also? I can’t keep my mouth shut.

Obviously, I have no chance of being a really great writer. Oh, well…

I have always noticed that in portraits of really great writers, the mouth is always firmly closed – Gertrude Stein

@weightwhat See there?

The Shine by @billycoffey (Have y’all read this yet? You really should…)

@weightwhat Shameless self promotion should always come first. Watch the master at work…

RT @weightwhat: Let’s see… Toast, Nutella, milk, shameless self-promotion…

Okra Winfrey #grossicecreamflavors

@WinLiannefield Happy Birthday!

@joannesher Happy Birthday Joanne!

@redclaydiaries Yes. Also? Those jukeboxes make my computer angry.

Dear friends with juke boxes on their blogs: GAAAAAA!

@weightwhat Ahh….dirty word…

@WinLiannefield again with Belgians. Let’s just beat that dead horse into the ground, shall we?

@weightwhat At this point, anyone following you should not be easily shocked or offended.

“Poop-free chicken waterers” – Gmail pop up ads, how I love you so!

RT @RachelleGardner: I asked a client 2 cut his MS by 15,000 words & it hurt me 2 say it. But he did an amazing job & the book is better

Perfection is such a nuisance that I often regret having cured myself of using tobacco – Emile Zola

Money is like love; it kills slowly & painfully the one who withholds it, & enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.-Kahlil Gibran

“Beware of the man of one book.” – St. Thomas Aquinas

Hallo Twitter! Miss me? Well miss me some more. Gotta go interface with the non-virtual people

@redclaydiaries Oh, it’s always something with you, isn’t it?

@godhasablog Thanks be to you for the follow friday! And thank you in advance for the great parking space at the mall.
As always, Sorry/You’re welcome.
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