Katdish.net

Tim Edwards has completed rehab and is the guest of honor at a homecoming party given at a local church tonight. For those of you who are new to this blog, Tim is the star of a viral marketing campaign and brainchild of a father and son marketing team here in Houston called Pimp this Bum dot com Through much prayer and more than a little gnashing of teeth by yours truly, I have been able to get past my anger about this website (mostly). I am still really struggling with the whole “the ends justify the means” mentality. I don’t think anyone could convince me that what they did was right. Having said that, Tim has been given a second chance; generous donations have allowed him to get off the streets. Kevin and Sean Dolan (the father and son team) are not evil marketers bent only on making a buck at Tim’s expense, I just can’t condone their methods. Piled atop of this, is a knot in my stomach that has yet to unravel. Why the knot? Because I asked my friend and well known pastor Pete Wilson to write a post about it, which only gained the website more exposure. It still makes me feel icky. I received an invite to the party, but I am not going. There are some folks from my church who know Tim that will be there. There will be enough unfamiliar faces there without adding mine to the mix. What am I going to say to him? “Hi, I’m katdish. You know, the blogger that all the news blogs keep quoting? The one that hates the website that is responsible for you being here?” No thanks. I’ll just stay home with the kiddos tonight. I am so happy for Tim. I really am. But I’m still struggling…

I’ve been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They’ve gone white
I’m fighting for who I wanna be
I’m just trying to find security

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go.

Well it’s hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there’s nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

Feel free to make fun of me for this post. No, really. If you were to write it, I might do the same. Besides, those of you who have been reading this blog for very long know that I’m not easily offended.

The thing is, I think it’s important to write from your own life experience; to come from your heart. The very best reads (for me anyway) are those where a person can wrap a piece of themselves into the story. So that’s what I’m attempting to do.

I’m a 43 year old (soon to be 44 – early August, I like flip flops, size 10, or a really nice 1-1/2″ sash brush from Sherwin Williams, BTW) ADD afflicted wife, mother, small business owner, school volunteer, blogger and church planter. I am attempting to live my life in a way that honors God. I fail miserably on a pretty regular basis. I beat myself up about it, say a prayer, and try again the next day. One day at a time. I see God in the big and the small things. I don’t think we have to sit on a beach or gaze down from a mountain to experience His majesty. (Even though I’ve always found His presence overwhelmingly strong when I have been able to do that.)

In some ways indulge my kids. When we’re in the car, unless there’s a song on that I really like, I let them pick what they want to listen to. I’ve been listening to quite a bit on Hannah Montana lately. Specifically, the soundtrack from her new movie. There’s one in particular that I really relate to. It reminds me that, while it’s good to have goals, life is more about the journey, not the destination. My life striving to become closer to Jesus is like that too. I’m never going to get where I need to be this side of eternity, but I want to make the most of the journey, and bring as many as I can along for the ride.

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Somebody’s you’re going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

So, yeah – God speaks to me in the quiet times, when I’m worshipping him in a corporate setting, or when I’m singing “The Climb” at the top of my lungs in my car with my daughter begging me to stop from the back seat.

It’s all about the climb. Keep the faith, baby!

It’s a rainy, cold (that’s relative I guess – in the 40’s) Tuesday morning. I’m still in my pj’s, drinking my second cup of coffee. The house is quiet. The kids are back in school:

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Oh, I’m just kidding…I’m actually gonna miss the little ankle biters! But it’s time to get back in the swing of things. I’ve got to finish up a job I started before the Christmas break, and I have a project due in two weeks sitting on my work table that needs to be completed. I have a carousel horse that needs painting for a silent auction, and I have to make a giant state of Texas, an oil derrick and a boot for a boy scouts dinner in February. I also need to finish my studio. Lots of stuff to do. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy a few self-indulgent hours of relaxation. Thank you, God. You are so good to me!

P. S. – How bad do you feel for the organist on that video? OUCH!