Katdish.net

If you follow this blog regularly, then you know that I have two guest posts per week. I am so loving this! Hopefully, this has helped introduce many of you to some very good blogs, and I will continue this practice.

I’m posting a short story that I read on Brian C. Russell’s website earlier this week on a Saturday simply because, like all of the short stories I have read by him, it blew me away. I was first introduced to Brian’s work via a cartoon he writes, The Underfold I love that, too. But wow, can this guy write! Check it out:

His blood warmed my throat as I drank. It tasted of fruit, a sweet sensation lingered on my tongue. Eyes closed, I swallowed, not sure of what the next steps would be. Never before had anyone freely given of their blood for me to drink, nor anyone offer their flesh as sustenance.

This man, who did he think he was? He forgave, and never condemned anyone… Not even me.

That night is replayed in my mind every day. Of what he said at the table, how he knew it was me, but didn’t do anything to stop me. Of course, I know now. I know now that Jesus, the Son of God, was the messiah.

Running from the temple, the evil spirits descended upon me. Tormenting me in my anguish. “Betrayer!” they screeched.

Darkness swallowed my path, and glowing red eyes lit the shadows. A root grabbed my sandal and threw my body to the ground. I rolled onto my back, trying to catch my breath. One of the demons sat on my chest, compressing my lungs. His eyes hovered over mine. “You have just handed over the Messiah to us. We wanted to thank you for your services.”

Tears streamed down my face. “Just let me die.”

“Die?” He laughed, and a chorus of laughter echoed around me. “I am sorry, betrayer. You have been chosen for a much worse fate than death.”

“Lies! Torment me no more.”

“As I have said, we are here to thank you, not torment you, betrayer.”

I pushed to my feet and ran. Their laughter faded into the darkness and I came to a tree wrapped with vines. That was going to be the end. My end. I climbed onto the tree and looped a vine around my neck. I breathed deeply and jumped from the tree.

Everything blurred. I sputtered for breath. I groped at the vine to loose myself. Everything was gone.

Nothing greeted me. It wasn’t darkness, it wasn’t light. There was… nothing.

Then, Jesus appeared. Magnificent and new. “Judas, you have helped me fulfill my purpose in this world. You have endured a sacrifice that many will never understand.”

I sobbed. “Rabbi, I am sorry. Forgive me, Lord.”

He touched my neck with his hands. “Your sacrifice is wrapped in sin and greed. I knew the outcome, but you did not, yet you still performed it. Without your sin, there could be no forgiveness of sins.”

“Forgive me. Please.”

“You will roam this earth until the day I return again. You will never die until I come to judge all mankind.”

When I awoke, I lay in a field. A place of burial for foreigners. Stories were told of my death. Many embellished facts of my insides strewn across this very field.

Over the years, people have told me that the Lord works in mysterious ways. That sometimes, even what seems horrible is a blessing in disguise.

They have no idea.

I have lived to hear of Jesus’ death and resurrection, and now I can take part in that salvation. Someday.

Am I right, or am I right? Check out more of Brian’s writings here: Brian C. Russell

I first started blogging in an attempt to gather all my long winded comments from other blogs into one place. Now, many of you whose blogs I frequent are saying, “How’s that working out for ya?” Well, shut up. I have a lot to say.

I am grateful to Jon Acuff for many things; for his friendship and for introducing me via his blog Stuff Christians Like to so many fantastic, funny, wonderful people. One of my favorites is Stacey and her husband who sometimes answers to Hucklebuck. Stacey’s Thoughts of Infertility is a online journal of sorts; helping lots of folks struggling with infertility. But it’s not only about that. I’ve said this before and I will say it again. No matter what the subject matter, if something is written from a writer’s heart I am a fan. I am a big fan of Stacey, and consider it a privilege to call her a friend. But enough of me, here’s Stacey:

If you read my blog regularly and have a good memory, you might remember that I have been studying the book of Philippians for the past few months. I wrote a post about it back in February when I first started attending the Bible study, and I can’t believe that 16 weeks have gone by! In the original post (“Perspective”), I wrote about how much I was looking forward to studying a book about “how to have joy no matter what.” Now, as I near the end of the study, I want to write about something I learned this week.

While studying the last chapter of Philippians, I took a long look at Phil. 4:6-7. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” These are powerful verses, and I’ve been trying to soak them in. I know that I believe them, but how do I live it? How do I overcome my anxiety and truly live in peace?

One of the things that is so hard about the struggle with infertility and miscarriage is that it feels way too big for me. It is so far beyond anything I know how to handle. I’m not suggesting that it’s the hardest thing in the whole world by any means, but being pregnant six times and not being able to do anything to help those babies grow and thrive is incredibly hard. Watching each one slip away has been devastating for us. After almost eleven years of marriage, we still have no children to hold in our arms and fill up our home. Even now we are in a season of waiting, and we have no idea how long it will last. All of these facts are hard to ignore. I wake up every morning painfully aware of them. I don’t have a definite medical reason why this is happening. Although my doctors have identified and even corrected some problems over the years, we have no guarantee that I will ever deliver a baby. Sometimes I let the future scare me. Many times I let my circumstances rob me of my joy.

A few things clicked for me today as the Bible study led me to 2 Chronicles 20. I hope you’ll read the whole chapter, but here’s a recap:

Jehoshaphat (king of Judah) is warned of an impending attack. He immediately decides to inquire of the Lord. All of the people of Judah gather to seek the Lord’s help, and Jehoshaphat leads them in prayer. For me, the highlight of this king’s prayer is in 2 Chron. 20:12: “We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.” Okay, now this I understand! Although I don’t have a vast army threatening my life today, I do feel utterly powerless against my foe. I have no idea what to do other than keep my eyes on the Lord.

When we read further, we learn that God spoke through one of the men in the assembly. Here is what is recorded in verses 15 and 17: “This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.'”

The people of Judah not only obeyed God; they sang and praised Him BEFORE they knew the outcome. Of course, God came through on His promise and the people rejoiced. In verse 30, we find Jehoshaphat’s kingdom at peace because “God had given him rest on every side.”

As I studied today it became clear what in the world these verses have to do with the fourth chapter of Philippians. What was the result of the people’s obedience?

1. They rejoiced in what the Lord had done.
2. They recognized God’s power and strength.
3. They rested in His peace.

Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I don’t know what to do as my battle with infertility continues. The people of Judah were told to take up their positions and to stand firm. Yes, I have a part to play that is not entirely passive, but ultimately the result is out of my hands, and I’m okay with that as long as the battle is God’s. I want to keep my eyes on Him, rest in His peace, and rejoice no matter what the outcome will be.

*All verses are quoted from the NIV. If you want to know more about this Bible study, click here: Precept Ministries

If you would like to read more from Stacey (and you really should – she’s awesome), visit her at Stacey’s Thoughts of Infertility.

I’ve been praying for God to give my life more balance, that I use my gifts for good, not for evil…

But God, in His infinite Wisdom, does not dole out answers to prayers like some kind of holy gumball machine. Pray for patience, He will put situations in your life to teach you patience. Pray for integrity, He will put you in a position where the right choice isn’t necessarily the first choice. He’s pretty all powerful and omnipotent like that.

So, when I prayed for balance, He opened the floodgates. I haven’t had a paying painting gig in 2 months. In the past 2 weeks, I’ve had 5 calls from old clients and a call from a decorator that wants to keep me working for the rest of my natural born life. God said, “Go find your balance.”

I enjoy blogging more than I ever thought I would. I have met some of the most amazing, hilarious, inspiring, talented, God honoring people: pastors, writers, stay at home moms and daughters, college students, working men and women. It takes up time from my day, but time that, while can be a distraction, can also be an incredible blessing. All things in moderation.

Because I will be away from my computer quite a bit for the foreseeable future, I have asked Billy Coffey to be a regular guest blogger on HLAC. A request that he has graciously accepted. (Excuse me while I do a back flip – um…ouch!) I have also asked some of my blogger buddies to fill in on a rotating basis. If you enjoy this blog, I promise you, you will enjoy reading their work as well.

Beginning next week, Monday’s posts will be written by Billy Coffey. In addition, on Wednesdays, I will introduce some of you to some of my favorite bloggers who will fill that spot for me. I will continue to be annoying and ridiculous the remaining days, save Sunday, where I will hopefully post something that honors God and refocuses this blogger on why I am here in the first place.

Thank you for your faithfulness to this blog. I think this is going to be awesomatasic!

I get pretty wrapped up in the world. There’s so many distractions – like the internet (ahem). Then I go over to my buddy Jason’s blog and watch this Francis Chan sermon about how it is easier to fit a camel through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven; about how often that scripture has been explained away by one theory or another. But do you know what I think that scripture really means? I agree with Francis Chan’s interpretation: I think it means that it is easier to fit a camel through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven! I don’t cling to money, but that doesn’t mean that there are not any number of things that get in the way of simply being in awe of God. Stupid, ridiculous, small things that, when compared to the Creator of the Universe, the God who knit me together in my mother’s womb, that knows the number of hairs on my head, are simply laughable. Seriously people. Go watch that video. If you can’t do it now, go back and watch it later.

Jeff made the following video when he was the Creative Arts pastor at our old church. I have included the lyrics, all of which aren’t on the video, but I think they speak volumes. What do you think?

The One Thing
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

Revelation 3:14-22 14
“To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Speaking of stupid and ridiculous, Twitter update tomorrow!

If you’re not following me on Twitter, you’re missing out on some real teachable moments for you and your children (and possibly your dog – I seem to have a large dog following). If I am following you on Twitter, may I please suggest to you that there are a few things that I could happily live the rest of my life not knowing about you via twitter?:

– that you need to pee
– whether or not you washed your hands after you went pee
– that they put the wrong kind of pickles on your Chic fil A sandwich (Sorry, Erin – too good to pass up.)
– that you can tweet 74 bible verses in a row via twitter
– that your dog just peed on the floor (actually, that was rather amusing)
– that my dog is plotting against me
– that you got a really crappy parking spot at the mall
– that you cleaned your barn with a leaf blower
– that you’re back from Wal*Mart (unless you’re Steph. Then I’m all up in that.)
– that you are now following me and 20,000 of your closest friends via twitter*

*A notable exception to this rule is if you are @kickbuttcoffee and you tweet the following message: “We triple filter our water and then Chuck Norris grinds the beans with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.” (Because that’s pretty much awesome.)

And here’s some frigintastic advice you’ve been missing out on because you’re not following me on Twitter:

@brian_russell: Yar! I keep forgettin’ where I be s’posed ta click on this here Facebook fer Pirates!

@katdish: You know, @br8kthru used the twitter pirate function until I threatened to punch him in the kidneys.

@myapronstrings: I love how solicitors come to your door and when you say “Im not interested” they say “But I’m not selling anything” Oh. Really? My mistake.

@katdish: I used to have the same problem. Then I started keeping a battery operated chainsaw and a bottle of ketchup by the door.

@churchpunk: how in the crap do we lose a whole computer?

@katdish: One word: NINJAS.

And some random bits of wisdom:

I think Joe Biden was the inspiration for the main character of all those Naked Gun movies.

@marni71 – good point. did you know that the uterus is also a highly specialized homing device to find car keys and lost homework?

@marni71 -it should be by seniority – chidrens pastors pray for salad, youth pastor pray for coffee & tea service, senior for the meal.

@Brian_Russell – I have assembled a team of ninjas that have assured me it can be taken down, but yes – I believe there is.

@puriChristos – Can you ever REALLY get past the monkey butt? The genie is out of the bottle. It cannot be undone.

@nickcarnes – have you ever seen the warning label on the weight loss pill Ally? “May cause anal seepage”. Um, thanks. I’ll pass.

@mabeswife – I prefer barf, but yeah…

@erinbeekeeper – Oh, I’m not worried. Texas will never fall into the ocean. Why? Because Oklahoma sucks.

@purichristos – try not to say monkey butt in your meeting.

@whataboutbobdog – Say an extra prayer for your mom’s ungrateful heart, would ya?

@candysteele – Mike Rowe nekkid

@PuriChristos – Oh, excuse me, Mr. Monkey butt

@CandySteele, @redclaydiaries, @PuriChristos – Stop all this blaspheming! (Oh, wait – need to save that one for Sherri’s email.)

@purichristos – we really should have a dictionary for FOTTSP. Maybe use monkey butt as some sort of magic portal to definitions.

@CandySteele – Oh, you’re right! It’s raining pork and beans outside!

@weightwhat – It’s a virtual rainbow of monkey butts. Sort of like a skittles rainbow, only disgusting.

Dear Fed Gov: If you want people not to panic about the swine flu, stop holding round the clock news conf. telling people not to panic

FINALLY! Stupid news conference is over. Now I can watch Shepard Smith – who is dreamy…

If the only qualifications you need to be a press secretary is the ability to say um and I don’t know, I think I might apply.

@mabeswife – he’s not glittery, he’s sparkly! Stupid people!

And here’s three awesomatastic blog posts I tweeted this week:

A Bunch of Swingers (from Very Much Later)

A brief snippet from Jake’s post:

People aren’t great at balance, we have such a nasty tendency toward extremism. It’s just tons easier to be all or nothing, black or white. Less thought and effort goes into being extreme than being balanced. That’s where this whole back and forth motion of theology comes from. We just don’t like to think, and apparently don’t read the Bible enough to understand that balance, my friends, is a key to following Jesus and living life a little more like He’d have us do it.

This is why I pink fuzzy heart Helen: Security! Security!

And finally, a parenting blog post inspired by an inordinate number of monkey anatomy related tweets:
What not to call the Hoo-Ha

So, there you go. This is what you’ve been missing Prodigal Jon.

So…I pretty much got nothing. Plus, I’m still reeling from the fact that my first guest blogger is more popular than me ON MY OWN BLOG. How suck is that? (Just kidding – that’s awesome.) Maybe I should spend more time carefully weaving a story that is humorous, engaging and thought provoking…Oooo! Shiny vampire!

I suppose I could write about the weather: It rained. A bunch. Rednecks swam in flood waters. For fun. There was no school. There better be school today. The end.

And now…I’m going to punt. A few members of the Magnificent Infinity posted “8 Things” posts, so I’m going with that. We used to be the Magnificent 7, but we’re a friendly bunch, and people dig us (especially Annie K). I’m changing mine up a bit because I like to be different, and they’re not the boss of me. Here ya go:

8 Things I MAY OR MAY NOT have done Yesterday:
1. Made red beans and rice for lunch.
2. Shot a man just to watch him die.
3. Sent Donald Miller* a tweet with the word frigintastic and got a response to said tweet.
4. Threatened to kick my kids out in the rain if they messed up my clean house.
5. Got rave reviews from Simon Cowell after singing “Jenny” on American Idol for Wii.
6. Alphabetized my spice rack.
7. Took an extra dose of Ginkgo Biloba for good measure.
8. Booked 2 appointments with potential new clients for next week.

*yeah, “Blue Like Jazz” Donald Miller.

8 Shows I MAY OR MAY NOT Watch
1. Best Show in the History of Television (also known as The Deadliest Catch)
2. Dancing with the Stars
3. CSI Miami
4. CSI NY
5. CSI Las Vegas
6. Dirtiest Jobs
7. Myth Busters
8. The Office

8 Things I Wish I Could Do (or might actually be able to do):
1. Paint with either hand.
2. Juggle.
3. Write song parodies a-la Weird Al Yankovitz.
4. Recite the preamble to the Constitution.
5. Play the harmonica.
6. Roller Skate backwards.
7. Make awesome chicken enchiladas.
8. Sing “American Pie” in its entirety (the long version)by memory.

8 Things I MAY OR MAY NOT be Looking Forward To:
1. Meeting some of my bloggity gal pals this summer.
2. Tomorrow.
3. Redoing my guest bathroom.
4. Old age.
5. Catching up on a season’s worth of American Idol on Tivo.
6. Going to my husband’s high school reunion.
7. Going to Japan with my mom someday soon.
8. The premiere of the movie “New Moon”.

Just to make this interesting and to lure you lurker types out of shadows, I am offering a frigintastic prize to the person who can come up with the most correct true or false answers to the aforementioned statements. In the event of a tie, I have more than one of these quality pieces of yard art:

These are not the actual birds in my possession, but seriously – close enough! I didn’t feel like taking a picture, downloading it to my computer, etc. Besides, mine are hermetically sealed in the original packaging. Sa-weet! This is a friendly competition and all results are final. Please – no wagering.

The winner will be announced on tomorrow’s post.

Bonus Question: I MAY OR MAY NOT have given out the following phone number on one or 30 occasions “back in the day”:

(Oh sure, it’s no top ten shiny vampire list. But still, very good.)

P. S. – Billy, In your email, you mentioned that you didn’t remember how you found your way over to my blog. I’m pretty sure it was the first comment I made on your post, The Fruit Salad. Here’s what I said (in part):
“Your grandmother was a very wise woman, indeed. And you dropped the “f” bomb on her? Jerk!”

You left a comment here before mine was even posted.

P. S. S. – If you have a comment for Billy, please feel free to post it here. I’ll try to keep my big mouth shut. (No promises, though.)

So, it seems that the Esteemed Reverend Hogan is hassling me for reposting some of my older posts. So instead of doing another “best of HLAC”(?), I have decided to link Jeff’s newest post, Everyday. Which surprisingly, has absolutely nothing to do with Sly and the Family Stone. But you gotta admit, Jeff’s picture on the sidebar of my blog bears a striking resemblance to Mr. Family Stone.

If you happen to be new to HLAC, please feel free to express to Jeff how much you are enjoying reading some of my older posts. He will probably dig that.

P.S. – That’s some pretty stellar camera work in that video, huh?

P. P. S. – “And so on, and so on, and Scooby Doobie Doobie! Ahhhh! Sha Sha!” They just don’t write ’em like that anymore do they?

Peter P. at Rediscovering the Church interviewed me on his blog! I’m pretty sure he’s talking to Francis Chan next week, or was it Charlie Chan? I forget…

Anyhoo, check it out here: Interview with Katdish
Will the accolades never end? (She types as the readers of Hey look a chicken collectively roll their eyes and slowly shake their heads.)

By the way Peter – you could have told me that you were posting this interview today! I might have tidied up around here a bit. Okay, probably not…never mind.

“Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.” -John F. Kennedy

“If you see in any given situation only what everybody else can see, you can be said to be so much a representative of your culture that you are a victim of it.” -S. I. Hayakawa

So, I was commenting on my buddy Jason’s blog the other day that my blog roll is pretty diverse, and that with a few exceptions, many of the blogs I frequent, based upon the number of comments received, are not exactly burning up the site hit counters. The thing is, I actually like that. Not that I don’t want people to read their blogs, I just like feeling like I’ve stumbled upon something really special that hasn’t been ruined by a bunch of lemmings following each other over a cliff. (I don’t even know if that comment made sense, but I’m going with it.)

One of my favorite blogs is The Wide World of Timbo. Like most of the blogs I frequent, I found this one via Stuff Christians Like. Unlike most of the commenters on SCL, he uses the Name/URL function when leaving a comment. I actually had to track him down. On my first attempt, I googled “The Wide World of Jimbo”, which is something completely different…

Anyhoo, one of my all-time favorite SCL posts is WOTAM, baby, straight up WOTAM. (Christian Text Abbreviations). The post was great. Here’s a sample of one of Jon’s updated text abbreviations:

9. OTTOMH
Original Meaning = Off The Top Of My Head
Christian Meaning = One Time This Orangutan Mauled Hank
Usage: OK, this one is kind of a niche phrase. I admit, you won’t get to use it often. But if you ever go on a mission trip or a retreat or simply have an orangutan outreach program during church service and one of those orangutans mauls someone and that someone happens to be named Hank, you are going to be so happy that you read this post and can immediately text all your friends, “OTTOMH! OTTOMH!”

While the post itself was hilarious, the comments were some of the funniest I’ve ever read. Most of them were simply adding more ridiculously funny text abbreviations. Until you get to Comment No. 52 from Tim M. which says: “Hi. I’m new to this blog. I got here by googling “orangutan mauled Hank” to see if there’s any update on my cousin Hank after his horrible accident.”