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Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Part 4)

I am so visibly shaken by this next product that I fear I may have nightmares for the rest of my life. Not since the basement scenes from “Silence of the Lambs” or Tim Curry’s convincing portrayal of Pennywise the Clown in the movie adaptation of Steven King’s “It” have I seen anything quite so disturbing. Trust me — I’ve seen it in person at the local Tuesday Morning store: Be afraid…be very afraid!
The Animatronic Singing And Talking Elvis ($199.95)
sky mall creepy elvis
This is the animatronic Elvis, a singing and talking robotic bust adorned with The King’s trademark leather jacket, sideburns, and pompadour, recalling the musical icon’s performance during the highest-rated television event of 1968 — Elvis Presley’s Comeback Special. The device sings eight of Elvis’ most acclaimed songs including Hound Dog, Love Me Tender, and Jailhouse Rock, and the mouth, eyes, and head movements are synchronized with the music, replicating his unique facial expressions (including the curled upper lip) and baritone voice. Integrated infared sensors in his jacket detect ambient motion, prompting Elvis to say “Bring it on back now” or another famous Elvis remark as you walk by, and the device has 37 monologues recorded from interviews that play at a touch of a button, each reflecting on the life and career of the The King. A karaoke feature allows you to sing along with Elvsi and the device has an audio port for connecting an MP3 player or another audio source, allowing you to play your own music through Elvis’s 10-watt speaker. Includes a remote control, 1/4″ microphone jack, and an AC/DC adapter. Remote requires three AAA batteries. 20-1/4″ H x 13-3/4″ D x 21-3/4″ L. (10 lbs.)

Product Review: “This is the perfect gift for a big Elvis Fan. To sing along, you need to buy a separate mic…but it’s great. So life like it’s scary.Gender: Male
Age: 31-35
“So life like it’s scary.” I’ll tell you what’s scary, Mr. Male age 31-35. What’s scary is that you actually paid $200 plus shipping and handling for this future entry into the Creepshow Hall of Fame. I don’t even want to think about anyone actually plugging in a separate mic and singing along with dead Elvis. To truly appreciate how very frightning this thing is, you must see it in action. (Warning: Not recommended for young children or those of you with weak constitutions!)

Since I am, after all, one of those “glass half full” kind of gals, I feel obligated to say something positive about Creepy Elvis. So here goes: You could probably prop him up on some phone books in your car’s passenger seat and be able to drive in the HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lane during peak traffic hours. I guess every cloud truly does have a silver lining!

I know I said in my previous post that I was going to feature this product by itself, but I feel obligated to share with those of you actually considering purchasing Creepy Elvis another product that would most likely appeal to you as well. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present:

“The Slanket” $44.99
Screen Shot 2015-01-30 at 10.21.01 AM

Here’s the best blanket – hands down – for snuggling up with a book or laptop computer. Put your arms in the 13″ -wide sleeves and then turn pages, type, knit or do anything else with your hands without uncovering your body. The generously sized Slanket in midweight polyester fleece feels great and keeps you warm indoors or out. Machine wash and dry. 60″ W x 95″ L. Available in five colors. Please note: deep fried peanut butter, mayonnaise and bacon sandwich not included.

This concludes Katdish’s Holdiay Gift Guide brought to you in cooperation (albeit unknown) with our friends at Sky Mall Catalog. If you haven’t had your fill of ridiculousness, just visit their website and make up your own commentary. It will be delightful, I’m sure. As for me, I think I need to seek the advice of a good therapist.

Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Part 3)

I know you have all been anxiously awaiting the next installment of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide, so I apologize for the delay.

Last night, I was consulting with my editorial staff for this series of posts (Jeff and Tamara); sharing with them some of the possible categories. One of the potential categories was “Awkward Star Wars Geek”. This, I explained, would cover gifts for Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings enthusiasts. During this meeting, someone requested that I not “lump us all together” into one group. (Discretion prohibits me from revealing who made this request, but his name rhymes with “Jeff”.) Anyhoo, at the request of “rhymes with Jeff” I present to you the 3rd installment of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide:

The “I Can’t Believe It’s Actually Over” Harry Potter Fan:

Truth be told, I am a huge Harry Potter fan. I know, I know. Anything having to do with witchcraft and wizardry is evil and bad…yada, yada, yada. But my son is an avid reader, and he kept BEGGING me to let him read the books. Instead of just telling him no (for the 100th time), I decided that I would read them first and decide for myself whether they were as damaging to his faith as some Christian publications would have you believe. What I found was that the constant and unmistakable theme throughout the entire series was that you must sometimes do things not for your own good, but for the good of others and that in the end Love overcomes evil. (Why does that sound so familiar? I can’t put my finger on it!) Alas, clever marketing and manufacturing can make a buck off of any beloved work of literature:

So what if you already have the entire series? Your books are probably all dog-earred and bendy. Why not have a nice, clean set in a wicked awesome box to show off to all your friends? Try not to read them, you’ll just mess them up. Packed inside a trunk like Harry might carry to Hogwarts are all seven phenomenal bestsellers…Follow Harry from his first days at school through his adventures with Ron Hermione, his confrontations with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and the riveting series conclusion. Hardcover books are housed in a limited edition trunk with sturdy handles, privacy lock, and bonus decorative stickers. ($195.00)

Of all the great characters in the Harry Potter series, Dobby is among my favorites. What better way to immortalize the memory of this humble, brave little house elf than throwing down 200 large for a 10 inch pewter statue of him? ($195.00)

Your favorite “Tolkienian”:

What? You don’t know what a “Tolkienian” is? It is a person who loves all things “Tolkienesque”. Namely, anything having to do with “Lord of the Rings”. Again, I must confess that I am also a big LOTR fan. I’m not rabid or anything…I wouldn’t say, buy my husband a framed map of middle earth, or if I was a guy, buy my wife an Evenstar Pendant of Arwen, but still, I’m a fan. If you have such a fan on your list, here are some great ideas!

Of course, I must recommend the aforementioned Evenstar Pendant of Arwen. While the product description is rather boring, I’m pretty fond of one of the customer reviews: “The pendant was enclosed in a finely finished wooden box that gave an imminent feeling of the movie itself; which is exactly what a collector and fan looks for in their purchase. “…the light of the Evenstar does not wax or wane…” Lady Arwen, LOTR TOTT; this pendant seems to have captured that bit of elvish magic.” ($99.00) Umm…yeah. By the way, Sky Mall has the matching earrings for $95.00; they “does not wax or wane” neither!

This next item I hesitate to recommend, because I fear either you do not comprehend the power of the one ring, or you understand full well and would use it for evil. I can only say, purchase at your own risk!!! The One Ring – Gold Edition: cast in 18K gold, laser engraved, certificate of authenticity and treasure box. ($650.00)
Gollum(TM) – Smeagol(TM) Bookends
Depicting the dual personalities of one of the most complex characters from The Lord of the Rings(TM), each piece made of heavy cast metal and mounted on a wood base. Measures 8 inches in height. (Only available as a pair).
Sure, they’re creepy, but what better way to draw attention to your J.R.R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis collection? ($195.00)

Who doesn’t just LOVE Indiana Jones? (Besides me — I mean the first three were pretty good. But seriously, I get it already!) But like Rick Warren is fond of saying, “It’s not about me!” Ladies, do you have a very special archeology professor by day, swaggering hero by night, overall super guy in your life? Show him just how lucky you are with one or all of these fantastic and reasonably priced items from the Indiana Jones collection:

Indiana Jones Leather Bullwhip: An authentic replica of the whip used in the Indiana Jones movies. Measures 10′ in length. Made of fine leathers. Display included. ($199.00) Wow! an “authentic replica”. Don’t you just hate those fake replicas?

Indiana Jones Machete: Authentic replica. Stainless steel blade. Complete with collector display. Machete measures 30 inches in length. ($219.00)

And, of course what Indy fan could hold their heads up without the coveted Indiana Jones Fedora Hat?: Our licensed reproduction from Steven Spielberg’s adventure films is 100% wool felt, completely water repellent, and ready for every adventure life hurls your way. Imported. ($49.00)

Okay people. This conclude another exciting installment of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide. I could write one every day — there’s certainly no shortage of material. But this is a little too easy — like shooting fish in a barrel. My next and last post will contain an item that is so awesomely ridiculous, it deserves a post of its very own. Until then, remember that you can pay your Visa with your Master Card.

Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide (Part 2)

As we learned in the first installment of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide, nothing exceeds like excess. And since Thanksgiving is now a distant memory, there’s no doubt that there are only a few among you who have yet to decorate your humble abodes in holiday splendor. Let us proceed with some clever gift ideas for everyone on your buying list this year.

For the Over-Indulgent Parent:

While phrases like, “It’s more important what’s on the inside than what’s on the outside” are all well and good for less attractive children, your little princess deserves only the very best! “Add an attractive and useful addition to your little girl’s room with this daisy pastel vanity. It is a perfect furniture for their make-up, brushes, barrettes and jewelries. It maximizes the space in their room while keeping their fashion accessories organized.” ($189.99)

Stuffed animals are a dime a dozen. If those tiny Webkins and Shining Star animals are all the rage, just imagine how grateful your kids will be when they see this bad boy under the tree! Our gorgeous Giraffe makes a big statement. Featuring soft and cuddly plush and life-like features this beauty is sure to be family favorite for years to come. Featuring premium plush and an internal frame to keep upright. Giraffe filled with synthetic fibers. Size 22″l x 14″w x 59.5″h, Weight 12 lbs. Imported. (Age 3+)” (99.99)

Has your little train engineer grown tired of playing with his Thomas the Train railroad set? I mean, sure — buying the complete set may have put you back a few grand, but how can you put a price on childhood memories? Let him experience the thrill of riding the rails with his very own Lionel Pedal Train! Train includes all-steel construction, adjustable pedals, chrome bell, realistic locomotive sounds, padded seat, and beautiful finish. Ride-on maximum capacity of 100 lbs. Seat to pedal 16-19″. Size 46″l x 18″w x 25″h, Weight 39 lbs. Imported. (Age 2-6) Please note the weight limit of 100 lbs. — not recommended for fat kids. ($319.99)

Isn’t it cute when other parents brag about how their little Johnny got an “A” in science class? You could point out to them that their kid is in regular classes while yours is in the “gifted and talented” program, but that would be condescending. Just invite them over the next time your kid pulls out his Fuel Cell Car and Experiment. “Winner of the Silver Award from the Parents Choice Foundation, this experiment kit gives children a fun, hands-on way to discover fuel cells, one of the most significant technologies of the 21st century. This kit makes 30 distinct experiments, including a car that uses solar power and a fuel cell to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen by electrolysis, and then runs on the resulting energy. Experiments cover electrolysis and its effect on water, how to construct and load a reversible fuel cell, decomposition of water in a fuel cell, and many others. Contains all necessary parts, tools, and a
lab manual (distilled water not included). Ages 12 and up. Made in Germany. 5-1/2″ H x 5″ W x 8″ L. (1 lb.)”

It’s tons of fun for kids to spend a day at the amusement park or water slide. But let’s face it, places like that are often frequented by some pretty undesirable folks. Why not let your kids enjoy the essence of the park without exposing them to the seedier elements of society?

Thrill Zone includes a bouncing area with netted sidewalls, a climbing wall with handles and footholds, a water slide with side rails, a pool at the slide landing, and a tunnel. Top arch with sprinkler system. Entrance ramp with Velcro closure. Durable PVC unit includes water bags and stakes for added stability, and a 110volt blower pump. 228″ L x 92″ W x 81″ H. Weight limit 100
lbs. per section (500 lbs. total).

I can already hear some of you now, “Kat, I don’t have any human kids, aren’t you forgetting about our little four-legged variety?” Well, of course not! This next section is just for you.

For The Over-Indulgent Pet Owner

Since many reading this are now experiencing cold weather, it seems cruel to expect little Bella or Baxter to brave the elements just because they have to tinkle! Even those of us who are still enjoying milder weather would agree that taking a dog out in the humid, damp air would be disastrous to their newly coiffed and groomed coats! That’s why I love this next product, the Indoor Dog Restroom. This mat and tray system gives dogs a place to relieve themselves when they can’t go outside for a respite. This ingenious system uses a mat made of antimicrobial, porous artificial turf that gives off an organic scent to attract dogs, so they can be taught quickly that it is an acceptable spot for relieving themselves. The tray is easy to empty and can hold up to 2 gallons of liquid. Sure, to the casual observer it looks like a door mat on a cookie sheet, but you and I know better! ($149.95, replacement mat $64.95)

Don’t worry cat lovers, I haven’t forgotten you! How many times have you said to yourself, “That big, stinky litter box seems so crude! Doesn’t my cat deserve the dignity of using her very own toilet?” Well, of course she does! For hands-free cat box care, you can’t beat the Cat Genie. Just press a button and the world’s most advanced litter box flushes away cat waste, then washes, sanitizes and dries the entire area. You can even preset the controls to do it automatically every

We’ve covered a couple of products to make your favorite canine or feline feel like part of the family, but what about your fish? Don’t you imagine that they get kind of lonely way over on the back wall away from direct sunlight? Treat Bubbles to his new home right in the middle of the action with his very own Aqua Coffee Table. After all, fish have feelings too! ($529.95)

That conclude this edition of Katdish’s Holiday Gift Guide. I know many of you are hankerin’ to go online and start your shopping, but wait…there’s more to come. For those of you who want to beat the Christmas rush on these items and choose to order today, make sure to tell them at Sky Mall that Katdish sent you…

On second thought, maybe you should leave my name out of it.

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