Katdish.net

Awesome Cat

Welcome to the twitter update featuring two weeks of tweets. Sort of a mixed bag of nuts–much like the people I follow on twitter. In this update, you’ll find me on a field trip to the Outdoor Learning Center, in the carpool lane, walking the dog and at Walmart. I found the last tweet (which is the first, since they’re backwards–still with me?) very telling. I sent that tweet out amongst a bunch of tweets blaming the Tea Party and Sarah Palin for the Arizona shootings. I’m not one to tell you “I told you so”. But, I told you so…

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@CandySteele I can’t bear the thought of Awesome Cat being stuffed and on display. (in reply to Candy Steele @katdish Or maybe “awesome cat as an adult?” He has been gone for a long time.)

@gyoung9751 @candysteele speculates it may be Awesome Cat’s mother. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish That photo of the cat – it looked vaguely familiar – like I’ve seen it on a telephone pole)

@gyoung9751 Thanks, Glynn. That should be the alternate title for all my posts. (in reply to gyoung975 1RT @CandySteele: RT @katdish: Good Morning! Greetings from Gourd Land!: http://bit.ly/fRPsBg / alternately titled “Out of her Gourd”)

African Albino Frog: GAAAA!

The only good armadillo is this kind

Here, kitty, kitty!

Greetings from gourd land!

Heading out on a field trip. I will be in charge of the gourd station @ the outdoor learning center. I know. Kind of a big deal…

Dang you, autocorrect! >RT @CandySteele: @billycoffey Good morning, Built!

Starving. Luckily, we’re going out to dinner, so I can save my famous Nothing Au-gratin for another night.

@karenzach Not without some rope and sedatives. (in reply to karenzach @katdish I think we need to adopt @billycoffey as the Honorary CL. Think I can get him to dress in drag?)

@billycoffey They have their moments….(in reply to billycoffey @katdish Whomever said that was very wise. Very wise indeed.)

“You can spray as much air freshener as you like on a pile of crap, it’s still a pile of crap.”-Recent writing advice given by a friend

New at Kirkland's: monk wear!

I wonder if they use free range dog to make this

Coming soon to a landfill near you!

RT badbanana Just had to sharpen a pencil by hand. Thanks for nothing smartphone.

Have you ever been reading someone’s tweet stream & they quote someone U admire immediately followed by someone you don’t? #twitterwhiplash

Sometimes intense debate makes me stabby.

RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: Dad just picked The Baby up at school & was told by a dad that the Baby is “the class terror.” THE PRIDE I FEEL!

@buzzbyannies I also have an extended Festivus vacation.

@buzzbyannies I’m my own boss. I always take President’s day off.

@kelybreez Besides, do you know how many 1,000’s of annoying tweets it took me to get that many followers?

Oh please! You cain’t quit me, Kely! >RT @kelybreez: @katdish I truly may unfollow you. I’m beginning to grow a root of bitterness.

@Babybloomr you could even sponsor a couple of people who never talk & still be good.

@Babybloomr Oh, heck. You’re good.

Okay, I think I’ve got my grumpy ho on enough for one evening…

I don’t even care if you don’t talk to me. Just talk to someone for goodness sake.

On my to do list this week: Lay down the unfollow hammer. If you don’t ever talk to anyone on here, I’m going to downsize you.

How does someone get over 100,000 followers when all they tweet are links to quick cash schemes? Lame.

@CandySteele You need to start a new account: Sh*t my Mom says. (in reply to CandySteele Mom-ism of the day: “Don’t give me anything for my bowels. I’ll just make a suppository out of a bar of soap.”)

@JeanneDamoff @karenzach If by “mule-headed” they mean loyal & courageous, then I agree. #DoWeNeedToTakeThisOutside

@karenzach I mentioned to BC that you might be more stubborn than me. He said that was impossible.

@karenzach You already are talking in my head. And you’re arguing with me. (in reply to karenzach @kelybreez @katdish You want me talking in ur head?)

@karenzach I love your writing. I know no one really writes like they talk, but it seems like you’re talking to me when I read your writing.

@karenzach Hey girl! Been reading your book this weekend. Just read the letter you sent to People. Awesome.

RT @unmarketing Don’t try to win over haters. You’re not the Jackass Whisperer.

The entire experience left a bad taste in his mouth, like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. #badmetaphor

Either lots of people schedule their tweets, or there are a significant number of vampires on twitter.

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs” – Stephen King

RT @Learell I live by the rule “never trust a person who throws a bday party for an animal” and it’s never let me down.

Because seriously, sometimes I’ll see something that other people think is good & I’m wondering if I’m looking at the same thing.

Does anyone else ever feel like the child in the crowd who calls out the emperor in “The Emperor’s New Clothes”?

Dear Jesus: If you do send email, would you send my dad one asking him to stop forwarding me these mass emails? Love, Kathy

My dad just forwarded me a mass email w/a subject line which says: If Jesus sent email.

@JCWert SHUT YO MOUTH!

RT @JCWert I think for my 40th birthday today, I’m going to walk around with an MP3 player & speakers playing the theme to Shaft.

Love me some Beck>RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: Big news! Bill has just made me the manager of his art career. Countdown to divorce starts: NOW.

Don't drive angry @buddylovethedog

Baby it's cold outside!

Ha! False alarm. You people w/your jukeboxes on your blogs…

Hark! Do I hear an ice cream truck?

@wai1twit Thanks. I’m a lot like Oprah. And when I say, “I’m a lot like Oprah”, I mean we wear the same size shoe.

Man, I have a lot of smart @$$ followers….Thanks! (in reply to several @ replies where it was suggested that Canadian bacon might be found on pizza in the frozen food section or in the sporting goods section–so thanks for nothing.)

@billycoffey Snort! Like I’m gonna take grocery shopping tips from you, Mr. Applesauce. But thanks anyway. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Look where the eggs are.)

Thank you! @awefullymade

If you were Canadian bacon at Walmart, where might you be?

If the creators of Zumba for xbox’s mission was to make me look like a giant dork in front of my family, mission accomplished.

@shrinkingcamel @mrsmetaphor A murse? That’s way better than what I call it – a man sack.

@shrinkingcamel Oh, Brad. Just be a good husband and hold your wife’s purse. (in reply to shrinkingcamel Help! I’m stuck in Sephora and I can’t get out! (at the mall with my family of girls).

Watching the news concerning the AZ shooting. No word on possible motives, so I’m not going to assume I know one.

Dang. I haven’t done a twitter update since December 17ish. But don’t worry, I didn’t go back that far. I’m sure I probably tweeted something brilliant that could very well solved the economic crisis and end world hunger, but I don’t feel like reading through all those tweets. I just started at January 1. As an added bonus, I’m still trying to figure out this new MacPuter of mine, so most of the conversations I used to know how to cut and paste had to be left on the cutting room floor, thereby making this update make even less sense than it normally does. Sorry/you’re welcome.

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this year:

@PeterPollock You didn’t know @karenzach is an author? She’s kind of a big deal…

Very often, my writing process involves reading a well written book. Reading After the Flag has been Folded by @karenzach

Oh, wait…never mind. I don’t care what other people think. What was I thinking?

I don’t want people to think I copied someone else’s story idea.

Have you ever been working on a story idea only to find someone else just wrote about the same thing? So now what? Do I keep writing?

<——Sucking up dead fire ants with the vacuum cleaner. Jealous much?

Sort of a reddish-brown 5 #lessambitiousbands

Dear Apple Computer Company: Delete and backspace are not the same thing. Learn it. Live it.

@Helenatrandom She says, “Well how much money does dad have?”

Note to self: Cancel Pottery Barn Teen catalog.

8 YO daughter: Guess what??? I found a bedroom set I want & it’s only $3,071! (I’m trying not to laugh)

@amykiane Pesky Ass Clown.

@tonyjalicea That sounds kinda gross to me. Everyone knows you don’t mix red wine w/chocolate. Except the Dutch, apparently.

And he’s be halfway thru the box by now…

I’m pretty sure if they sold katdish voodoo dolls, @peterpollock would buy a case of them.

If your twitter profile begins with the word “Ninja” you don’t really need to include the word “Nerd”. I kinda figured that out on my own.

@awefullymade That actually sounds pretty good. Mmm….polar bear!

@HisFireFly Because writers love to be unhappy.

Theory: Writers are gluttons for punishment.

This confirms my theory>RT @billycoffey: RT @noveldoctor: Pain makes a better writing partner than Contentment. He has a bigger vocabulary.

I’m so hungry I could eat all of @BryanAllain’s “I’m so hungry” tweets.

Deer jerky: not just for breakfast anymore.

Previous tweet brought to you by @muchl8r waxing poetic about the movie Titanic.

“Jack may have mostly froze b4 Rose let him sink to the bottom of the glaciating ocean, but truthfully, he died b/c she was a selfish cow.”

@amykiane Yep. You’re not supposed to disturb the mound when you set out the poison, but I like poking them w/a stick. Makes them mad.

The ants were angry that day my friends…

My work here is done//RT @tonyjalicea: @katdish @sistersadist Haha, I feel so dumb!

@karenzach The teen angst here is palpable.

Sitting at my son’s school remembering how much I hated junior high.

I like that my frozen lean cuisine feels it necessary on the instructions to say “Remove tray from box”

RT @LizFentonDecker: The Under-Graduate #LessAmbitiousFilms

Phantom of the Oprah #LessAmbitiousFilms

West Side Toy Story #LessAmbitiousFilms

Some Like it Not #LessAmbitiousFilms

Saving Ryan Seacrest #LessAmbitiousFilms

@karenzach You know, the katdishionary term for that is “fatassitosis”

The Shiny #LessAmbitiousFilms

V for Velveeta #LessAmbitiousFilms

Raging Bullwinkle #LessAmbitiousFilms

Fried Green Tomatillos #LessAmbitiousFilms

Leaving Las Cruces #LessAmbitiousFilms

Breakfast at Zale’s #LessAmbitiousFilms

RT @RedClayDiaries Reception @LessAmbitiousFilms

The Sound of Muzak #LessAmbitiousFilms

Pulp Historical Fiction #LessAmbitiousFilms

@CandySteele Can I cash in my value? Because we just dropped a load of cash on a computer.

My Twitter value is $678.84, according to http://www.twalue.com … What about yours? #twalue

@justinfalls Unless it’s Chicago deep dish pizza (in Chicago), all pizza falls into the category of “I’m too lazy to cook tonight.”

@justinfalls It was more than I could have hoped for. What do they want me to say?

We ordered pizza. It was delivered. We paid for it and then we ate pizza.

Ordered a pizza online last night. Just received an email “Tell us about your Pizza Hut experience”. Really?

There’s a big difference between knowing about God and knowing God. Knowing about him is academic Knowing him is a life long process.

I’m all about comfort before fashion, but wearing your pajamas to Eyemasters is a bit over the top.

Attack of the fire ants

@shrinkingcamel Well, I like your new avatar. But you’ve lost your status of International man of mystery.

So now I have hundreds of ants crawling around in 2 of 3 bathrooms in our house. That’s kinda special.

The fire ants are back in my house. Bug guy set traps & told me not to spray, just allow them to take the bait back to the queen.

@shrinkingcamel You changed your avatar! So, I’ve gone from wondering “what does Brad look like?” to “where’s the camel?”

RT @fishythoughts “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~Lily Tomlin

Nothing is certain except for death, taxes & Houston road construction.

I may lose weight because of my devastating laziness.

But every time I feel like eating something, I remember that I have to look it up on my iphone, so I just choose not to eat.

As part of an overall plan to be healthier this year, I downloaded an app that tracks calories (my husband has been using it for months).

Okay, seriously. Delete and backspace are not the same thing. #thingsthatbugmeaboutapplecomputers

It doesn’t help to be willing to die for love if you won’t live for it in little ways day by day by day. – @johnortberg

Son: Can I have my allowance from last week? Me: We weren’t here last week. Son: Yeah, & my room stayed clean.

It’s just a computer.

I’m enjoying my new MacBook, but I honestly don’t see why people are so hopelessly devoted to them.

It occurs to me after reading some of my spam comments that English is probably not their first language. Or even their 2nd or 3rd.

RT @fishythoughts: I just read a list of “The 100 things to do before you die”. I’m pretty surprised that ‘yell for help’ wasn’t one of them

RT @shrinkingcamel: My 18 y.o. daughter’s New Year resolution: “that 2011 won’t suck.” I like it. Covers a lot of ground.//I concur.

“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinions of others.” – Virginia Woolf #amwriting

@lewismoats Ah, are you the originator of the Ass Clown tweet?

Then again, @CandySteele’s hashtags were quiet memorable as well…

Most memorable tweet of 2010? “Beware the Ass Clown” @RedClayDiaries

I see a lot of people using one word for 2011, so here’s mine: Strategery

Happy New Year!

And yes, we still have fire ants in our house. Thanks for asking.

Okay, lovely people! Last repost for awhile. Pinky promise! I’ll be back next week with some new stuff. Now, I guess I need to do some writing, huh? Happy New Year!

It’s not you, it’s me.

Okay, that’s not true. It’s totally you. For most of you, it was a simple matter of you not following me back. Now, that’s not to say I follow people simply to be followed back. I actually followed you because either someone in my “friends” column recommended you or someone I follow retweeted something amusing or interesting from you. Or maybe I know of you through your blog or something.

Or maybe you’re in publishing or you’re an agent or a well known author and I thought it would be a good idea to follow you to keep up with the latest goings on in the literary world. But then I figured, I follow plenty of publishers, agents, and well known authors who follow me back. And it’s pretty rare I read something in 140 characters or less that I would put into the category of “life changing”.

I followed a few of you celebrities for a bit. But then I remembered I don’t care what you ate for lunch, where you ate your lunch, who you ate your lunch with, that your new album is selling really well, or that OMG you’re LMAO.

And then there are the “social media experts” who I followed a long time ago before I knew any better. Ah, well. Live and learn.

Here’s the thing about me and the twitter – I actually like having conversations with people. If you’re not following me, how am I supposed to talk to you or give you unsolicited advice about things that are absolutely none of my business?

I’m sure you see my point.

Love,

@katdish

P.S. – Now that I’ve cleaned out my following list, I need some new folks to follow. Gimme some good suggestions, will you please?

Write one little blog post about ugly Christmas sweaters, and tweets and twitpics of ugly Christmas sweaters begin to cover the tweetdeck like cougar moms at a Twilight movie premiere. As many sweater tweets as there are in the following update, that’s not even all of them. In other news, the magic of Festivus is in the air!

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

My daughter just asked Santa to give whatever he was going to bring her to a poor family. Sniff, sniff #proudmama

@tonyjalicea And he sits on a throne of lies! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That’s not Santa! He smells like beef & cheese!)

Who says there's no such thing as Santa?

One politically correct “winter” party down, one Girl Scout Christmas party to go!

Blogger still loading…..

I want to get @helenatrandom a wordpress website for Christmas

@weightwhat No. If it was a taxidermied dog head, then yes. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish That looks like it belongs in the house where your daughter goes for Girl Scouts.)

This would make a perfect gift for someone. Who? I have no idea...

Headed to Hobby Lobby. Because I’m a glutton for punishment.

@beckfromfrogandtoad Your kids have a flair for the dramatic. Wonder where that comes from? (in reply to beckfromfrogandtoad The Baby has a cold & is handling it in her usual understated fashion. “My nose hurts,” she just said. “Take me to the hospital.”)

He also thought the song was about Malcolm X. Which, upon reflection is disturbing on many levels.

My old boyfriend thought the lyrics to this song were "I believe in Malcolm, where ya from, you sexy thing."

Wow. That's quite the ménage right there.

@PeterPollock HA! Cyber fist bump. (in reply to PeterPollock RT @kelybreez: @katdish don’t call me a redneck. Just ’cause 5 sets of 1st cousins in my family married each other… // you can count to 5?)

@kelybreez I’m katdish. That trumps lawyer. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Rest your case? I’m the lawyer! You can’t do that!)

@kelybreez I rest my case

RT @kelybreez: @katdish Hey, yall don’t call me a redneck. Just ’cause 5 sets of 1st cousins in my extended family married each other…

@kelybreez Oh, like people need me to tell them you’re a redneck. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Hey, you didn’t have to retweet that comment. I don’t want people to know I’m a redneck!)

RT @kelybreez: @katdish Very perceptive of you. That’s the music my babies go to sleep with, holding a turkey neck in their little fists.

@kelybreez @dlrayburn So weird…I’m reading your tweets, and in the background I swear I hear banjo music.

@dlrayburn Maybe she’s a sweater… (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish 2 questions came to mind. What happened to safe search and does that really qualify as a sweater?)

@dlrayburn Um…yeah. (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish You’ve seen it too I take it.)

@dlrayburn Did one of the pics involve a reindeer? (in reply to dlrayburn @katdish We were sharing other results from my googling “ugly christmas sweater”)

@dlrayburn LIAR!!! (in reply to dlrayburn RT @katdish: @kelybreez As if I own any ugly Christmas sweaters // I saw her wearing one the other day.)

@kelybreez As if I own any ugly Christmas sweaters (in reply to kelybreez @weightwhat Or we can leave @katdish to molder in her pile of ugly sweaters.)

@Helenatrandom @AmBlessedBeyond and the dang thing was 80 bucks. That won’t even cover the therapy I’m gonna need after seeing it. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish unBELIEVEably!)

Okay, this is just frightening

Okay, disregard previous tweet. I don’t care what your bio says, if your twitter name is @goatjerky, that’s an automatic refollow.

@muchl8r Well, there’s that. And I don’t see you wearing that sweater. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish He’s probably got a whole foot on me, but @dnbroberts just agreed with you…….. :))

Check this out, @muchl8r, he could be your long long twin RT @lesserwhirls: @kelybreez @katdish and so it begins!

@CandySteele Oh, you’d be surprised. He moves pretty fast! Snort! (in reply to CandySteele @katdish That thing would knock BuddyLoves little legs right out from under him. Or give him a concussion.)

Yeah. Me neither…

When walking your dog, have U ever let go of the handle on the retractible leash so it chases after ur dog?

RT @noveldoctor Every time I write, I fall in love with characters who don’t know I exist. Fiction is all about the unrequiteable)

@shrinkingcamel True. And I did so while eating a Blazin Buffalo Ranch Dorito. I’m a multi-tasker. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish you’re no slouch, my dear. Look how fast you responded to that tweet!)

@shrinkingcamel I’m here! (in reply to shrinkingcamel Attention Overachievers: You Have Permission to Let Go: http://t.co/Mbce9fZ (where have all the slouches gone?)

RT @tremendousnews Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson split up just when I made the best couple name for them: Scaryan Johreynoldsson.

(in reply to @buzzbyannies @katdish Today we've had pouring rain, fog, snow and now it's blue skies and sunny. Sounds like your outfit covers all our weather.)

As a sign of solidarity for my friends in cold climates, I’m wearing a sweatshirt w/my jeans & flip flops today.

Guess who has a brother who lives in Hawaii?

RT @billycoffey: @katdish George, Festivus is your heritage – it’s part of who you are. #Festivus

“I got a lot of problems w/you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it. You, Krugar. My son tells me your company stinks!” #Festivus

“At the Festivus dinner, U gather your family around U & tell them all the ways they have disappointed U over the past year.” #Festivus

“A Festivus for the rest of us!” #Festivus

“As I rained blows upon him, I knew there had to be another way…out of that a new holiday was born.” #Festivus

“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I went to reach for the last one they had, but so did another man…” #Festivus

RT @LizFentonDecker: RT @billycoffey @katdish Happy Festivus! – ‘Go get the pole from the crawl space George’

@billycoffey Then, on to the feats of strength.

@billycoffey You too. I’m composing a personal email to you listing all the ways you’ve disappointed me this year.(in reply to billycoffey @katdish Happy Festivus!)

@billycoffey And Merry Christmas!

@billycoffey Oh, shut up. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Good morning, Grinch.)

Clearly not...

Bah humbug…

And FYI? Camel farts are as bad as you might imagine they'd be

Just returned from Journey to Bethlehem. Walking tour w/costumes and live animals.

This goes out to @redclaydiaries, because I know how much she loves shadow Joseph and Mary.

@Helenatrandom I’ve missed you!

@Helenatrandom HELEN!!!!!!!

@dhilliard74 Sweet Fancy Moses! (in reply to dhilliard74 @katdish is this what you were talking about? RT "@Marshmellow84: The hubby getting in the holiday spirit 🙂

Okay, I realize I usually post my weekly twitter update on Saturdays, but I’m juggling my schedule a bit this month in order to free up some time on the weekends to procrastinate for Christmas shopping for as long as possible. (If you’re new here, the tweets are in backwards order, because I’m lazy like that.)

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@tonyjalicea rudolf http://plixi.com/p/61979322

(in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish What’s the theme?)

@louisvillebobby Dude. That’s Santa’s reindeer! http://plixi.com/p/61976818

(in reply to louisvillebobby @katdish Ok, the Rudolph tree is cool and I even like Yukon Cornelius but what’s with the wall of death? Lol)

My friend Shara has a themed tree every year http://plixi.com/p/61975233

@amysorrells Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

@amysorrells I know @dlrayburn is trying to help, but you should know he’s from Alabama.

@karenzach Shhhhh!!!!! (in reply to karenzach @katdish I thot you were going to confess to killing the Smurffs.)

@karenzach Tee hee! What did you THINK I was gonna write about? (in reply to karenzach @katdish Loved your Xmas sweater piece. Hilarious.)

I absolutely love it when my comments section takes on a life of its own.

@TheMikeEllis That’s what I’m saying (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish @dlrayburn were supposed to lighten their load. Not make it worse.)

RT @PeterPollock @sarahmsalter So @fishythoughts is not a dog? Disappointed. Unfollow.

@BigMama247 Yes. Will the indignities ever end? (in reply to BigMama247 @katdish Is that like giving them muffin stumps? http://youtu.be/0eipl17WpOo)

@themikeellis Just thought you should know that @dlrayburn is advocating giving holiday sweaters to the homeless http://bit.ly/ijZ5a3

@dlrayburn And speaking of crimes against fashion, thanks for changing your avatar.

@dlrayburn Yes, but think of all the crimes against fashion this post might prevent. (in reply to dlrayburn RT @katdish Breaking my silence | Katdish.net http://bit.ly/hEryQj //I was so offended and the economy will suffer from this post.)

@kysilka They are, but if coupled with a holiday vest, all bets are off. (in reply to kysilka @katdish What is your take on the holiday turtleneck or long sleeved shirt? It seems to me they are less offensive.)

So, guess where they escaped to in the kitchen? The microwave. Mwha, ha ha!

The exterminator treated the house for fire ants yesterday. He said I might still see a few trying to escape from the poison…

@DougSpur A fruitcake would be wonderful. We are building a bomb shelter and we could use fruitcakes in place of bricks. (in reply to DougSpur @katdish so – guess I’ll return the sweater I got you for Christmas…how about a FRUITCAKE?)

@dutchhillgirl Oh, shut up… (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish What silence?)

@redclaydiaries Of course not! @buddylovethedog has a Santa suit and antlers. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Hey, does your ban on holiday attire extend to dogs? Cuz it sure is tempting to humiliate Scruff w a Santa sweater.)

@amysorrells Yes. That’s going into the katdishionary! Thanks. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I made up a new word, too. Nothing that compares to your original words, but a new word. Just for you.)

RT @TheMikeEllis There is no graceful way to hand a nurse your urine sample

@tonyjalicea Oh, please. Have you seen my giant head in the sidebar? (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish I have to be honest, I’m a little embarrassed by how big my picture is on your post today.)

@kelybreez Sorry, I was confused http://plixi.com/p/61727060

@kelybreez Oh, you mean this one? http://plixi.com/p/61726930

(in reply to kelybreez @katdish I don’t mean either one of those coffee mugs. I mean the purple/pinkish one. The big one.)

@kelybreez @tonyjalicea I have several http://plixi.com/p/61724466

@tonyjalicea @kelybreez which coffee mug? http://plixi.com/p/61724371

@dlrayburn So, Dusty – what’s up with the new avatar? You look like there should be a parrot sitting on your shoulder.

@TheMikeEllis Do you want me to offend you personally? Because that’s extra. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish I want an offensive guest post from you for my blog!)

@tonyjalicea I have a Seinfeld episode running thru my head for nearly every life situation. (in reply to tonyjalicea I have a song running through my head for nearly every situation in life. #humanjukebox)

@Peacegardenmama Oh, that’s great! Thanks. (in reply to Peacegardenmama @katdish “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1929-1968)

I’m going to write a post tomorrow that needs to be written. It may offend some people, but I’ve got to take a stand.

@buzzbyannies It’s what we can’t control that worries us. In driving and in life. (in reply to buzzbyannies @Katdish I’m used to this stuff. It’s the other guy I worry about.)

As tempted as I am to jump into #tsptry by quoting lines from Dr. Zhivago, I think I’ll behave myself & call it a night.

@dutchhillgirl You’d think most folks would know that by now, huh? (in reply to dutchhillgirl @katdish Haha!! Don’t they know you’re ALWAYS right? Even I know that. LOL)

Clearly, this person has no idea who they’re dealing with…

“I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I suggest it to discuss. Write me back in the PM. We will discuss.” ~ spam comment

“I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone’.” ~ Demetri Martin

@sandritaaaaa That’s from a store called Overpriced crap nobody needs. At least that’s what it should be called.

Um…yeah. http://plixi.com/p/61565086

New follow, over 20,000 followers, no bio, & no tweets for 3 months. It’s like the spam mothership.

Wait. Spoke too soon. http://plixi.com/p/60934755

Ah, diversity! http://plixi.com/p/60934466

Yikes! http://plixi.com/p/60932668

Have a crabby Christmas! http://plixi.com/p/60932386

Trees in every flavor http://plixi.com/p/60931767

Off to Garden Ridge Pottery to get a Christmas tree 50%-75% off. Which I’m pretty sure is gonna get ugly…

Since I was unable to post my usual twitter update last week, this is a very edited (believe or not) of 2 weeks worth of tweets, much of it consisting of my 9 hour car ride from Texas to Alabama. It probably won’t take you 9 hours to read. It will just seem that way. (As always, there in backwards order. So if you want them to make sense, read from the bottom to the top. Okay, they still probably won’t make much sense…)

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter for the past 2 weeks:

Okay, people. I’m off to read a book about writing which will specifically point to all the ways what I wrote yesterday was garbage.

@karenzach Ugh. So long self-esteem! It’s been fun. (in reply to karenzach @katdish That dog is out now. They’ll be no leashing her.)

@JCWert Yes, please. I think I’ve been feeling entirely too good about myself. (in reply to JCWert @katdish That’s why I’m here. 🙂 Shall I comment on something else? Your hair perhaps?)

@karenzach Sigh…so it was always there, I just needed to release it? Bummer. (in reply to karenzach @katdish No. The insecurity comes first. That’s why you write.)

@JCWert Gee, Thanks, Jason. That makes me feel so much better. (in reply to JCWert @katdish It’s just you.)

Does consistent writing make you insecure, or is it just me?

Wrote over 1000 words yesterday. Just read them again & I’m wondering what I was thinking. Ugh!

RT @TheMikeEllis Hug the hopeless. Love the lonely. Treasure the terminal. Forgive the fallen. Encourage the empty

Son: Oh, I have breakfast there too. Me: So what you eat here is pre-breakfast? No more breakfast at school. Sheesh

Me: Your lunch account us empty. What are you eating for lunch? Son: Just the regular lunch. Me: Then where’s all the money I just put in?

@redclaydiaries I’m building the neck stabbing. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Not stabbed in the neck? I’m surprised at you.)

@ExpeditionNovel You are so wise, Richard. Or a really good guesser. (in reply to ExpeditionNovel @katdish My guess would have been over 1007 but less than 1009.)

But I’ve got the beginnings of a story. I think it’s a good one. Someone gets punched in the jaw in the 1st chapter. FTW!

Okay, I’ll tell you. 1008. I’m pretty pleased with that. Even though I’m going to rewrite everything I wrote because I don’t like it.

@pauharri Ten???? Hmph

Guess how many words I wrote today? Go ahead, guess…

@anahid02 Clearly you THINK you like them. You’re just remembering wrong. (in reply to anahid02 @katdish I actually like Cadbury Creme Eggs…haven’t had any in a long time though.)

Seriously, what IS that stuff in the middle? It’s horrible.

So, since I have so much influence in these categories, I would just like to say, Cadbury Creme Eggs are disgusting.

Just checked my klout score. The topics I influence are: writing, publishing, authors, novels & Cadbury Creme Eggs

Beautiness – yet another new word I learned today. Spam comments are so educational.

At night all those inflatable Christmas decorations may look like a winter wonderland, but by day you just have a bunch of crap in your yard

Tomorrow, I’ll be posting a story of 2 blue herons & the political ramifications of said birds. Yeah, perhaps I need to get back on my meds

@tonyjalicea Now see? I knew you would get that reference! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Stuart Smalley! #dailyaffirmation)

@tonyjalicea You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it! People like you! (in reply to tonyjalicea Sometimes I think I’m my biggest fan. I’m okay with that.)

Because I’d hate to think I squeezed into my jeep for nothing http://plixi.com/p/60325475

I hope this person had plenty of room to get out of their car http://plixi.com/p/60325329

I wonder if this involves mirrors and large binder clips. http://plixi.com/p/60324085

Behold! Whoville at night! http://plixi.com/p/60198831

My neighbors front yard. Also affectionately referred to as Whoville. http://plixi.com/p/60176767

@BigMama247 Snort! I’m gonna steal that line! (in reply to BigMama247 @katdish Oh, that’s what I’ve got on the stove too! If I call cereal for supper “whimsical” that makes it okay, right?)

I really should have planned something for dinner besides my famous Nothing Au Gratin

Is there any lower form of reality television than televising small claims court?

@tonyjalicea Snort! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That would be my loaf, thank you very much!)

@tonyjalicea Someone always brings a loaf of bread. That always cracked me up. (in reply to tonyjalicea It says a lot about people’s cooking ability at work when the best food at the potluck is store bought. #nothankyou)

K-mart smart, that is. Guess I’m not k-mart smart.

“There’s smart, then there’s K-mart smart.” If someone told me I was K-mart I’m not sure I would take that as a compliment.

If by “Eco friendly” they mean “Leaves dirt on clothes”, then yes, this detergent is Eco friendly

If I played 4-square, I would give you my home address & tell you I was finally home. But why would I tell 2000+ people where I live?

They say most traffic fatalities occur within a few miles of home. Wonder if that includes homicides. #Getmeoutofthiscarnow

The nice lady we rented the beach cottage from just sent me a sweet email chock full of emoticons, clearly unaware of my emoticonophobia

@MichaelDPerkins I’m not sure anyone could rock the Christmas sweater vest, not even @br8kthru (in reply to MichaelDPerkins @katdish is it a sweater vest? If so @br8kthru may have to step up his game.)

I somehow managed to take a pic of myself upside down. My eyebrows look weird. http://plixi.com/p/59596202

@TheMikeEllis Solidarity, bro. Me too. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish hey, hate me some Christmas sweaters.)

I’ll miss this http://plixi.com/p/59592135

@kyrstind I tend to cut lite up tie guy some slack, cuz his wife probably bought it for him. His wife w/the matching sweater. (in reply to kyrstind @katdish LOL A middle-aged man with a light-up reindeer tie? Totally saw one at Wal-Mart the other day. Lite up & sang. Lol)

@kyrstind Is there anything sadder than a middle aged woman with a lite up reindeer sweater? Me thinks not. (in reply to kyrstind Not only 1 who does this? YES!)

First Christmas sweater sighting of the year. Let the season of secret sweater mocking begin! Mwha-ha-ha!

@redclaydiaries snort! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Steph’s not here, man.)

@redclaydiaries You malled AND decorated? Who are you & what have you done w/Steph? (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Yes, we malled, we ate, we decorated, we ate, we… ate… That’s about it.)

@gyoung9751 I bet you’ve read more books than I’ve had hot meals, Glynn. (in reply to gyoung9751

@PeterPollock @katdish Hey! I read War and Peace — a long time ago, yes, but I read it. Abridged and unabridged editions.)

@muchl8r But you finished it. Quite an accomplishment. I read Gone with the Wind just so I could say I read it, but I’m glad I did. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish I needed note cards to keep track of everyone, and I’ll admit that it was an entirely pretentious endeavor :))

@muchl8r I think you’re the only person I know that’s actually read War and Peace. Even though lots of folks say they have (in reply to muchl8r @katdish Kathy, I didn’t know you could score any more points in my book, but you just did. #ILOVETOLSTOY)

I love my kindle, but there’s something about an old book that draws me in. http://plixi.com/p/59396571

“The sea was angry that day, my friend.” – George Costanza (cold front coming in) http://plixi.com/p/59306017

Good morning! Who’s ready for Black Friday? Or what I like to call “losing your faith in humanity”.

Said pajama pants are B&W MC Hammer pants, BTW…

My sister is wearing pajama pants she’s had since 1985. Don’t know if I should be impressed or embarrassed. Both?

Sunset http://plixi.com/p/59143092

GAAA! http://plixi.com/p/59127359

Happy belated Thanksgiving Canada!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

And if by chance I’m killed in my sleep by the drunk hillbillies next door, I want you to know I’ll miss you all!

Staying at a very quaint and secluded cottage on the bay…

Just in time to see the sunset over the bay http://plixi.com/p/58919601

Alabama! http://plixi.com/p/58903435

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I http://plixi.com/p/58894538

My dog, @buddylovethedog has marked the state of Louisiana 3 times. On to Mississippi!

The mighty Mississippi http://plixi.com/p/58880958

Gator country http://plixi.com/p/58874706

Obscene amounts of Chex Mix: Don’t leave home without it. http://plixi.com/p/58870958

It’s a dog’s life. http://plixi.com/p/58859737

Hello Louisiana! It’s been awhile!

Today, I am thankful for a DVD player in the car and 2 sets of headphones

Leaving the big city behind for awhile. http://plixi.com/p/58840771

Heading east to Gulf Shores, AL this morning. Hope you all have a very wonderful Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to sink my feet in the sand!

@marni71 Chicken Soup for the Soul, Lower Back Pain. Wow, what’s next–a Chicken Soup book for the hemmorhoid sufferer?

@weightwhat He’s no Awesome Cat.

Okay, this made me laugh. http://bit.ly/fLFMk0

Dear people who send me emails, If U want me NOT to read ur email, make the subject line: MUST READ
NOW. Cuz you’re not the boss of me.

@TchrEric Oh, not just on Twitter… (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Because you are the most opinionated person on Twitter?)

@JCWert Got 2 bags of Snyder’s! What are Arnold Palmers? I assume you’re not eating the golfer. (in reply to JCWert @katdish Travel food? Arnold Palmers, Swedish Fish, Snyder’s of Hanover pretzels)

Also, I would like to give @tremendousnews credit for coining the phrase “devastating laziness”, even tho he never talks to me anymore.

@Brian_Russell Brian, you’re on probation for RTing someone else’s good morning. That’s just devastating laziness right there

Walmart greeter just said, Good morning, young lady!” Which I suppose is a relative term b/c I think he’s about 126 yrs old

Because when I’m talking to myself, I like to know I have an audience.

I’m thinking not many. Sorry, I don’t get “scheduled tweets”

I wonder how many people tweeting quotes are actually on the twitter.

this sign is in my office

You know, I’ve said some pretty outrageous things on the twitter. Okay, I’ve said some pretty outrageous things period. I’ve had to eat some crow and make some humbling apologies because I said or wrote something without thinking. Believe it not, it is never my goal to intentionally insult or hurt anyone, so when I read a tweet earlier this week that made a flippant, derogatory statement about an entire denomination, it irked me. Big time. That’s what my tweet, “I love the twitter, but sometimes I read people’s tweets and think, “Why would you tweet something like that? You can’t take it back”, was all about. And no, I’m not going to tell you who tweeted it. Like I said, that’s not how I roll. But I guess I’m not the only one who feels the same way, because that statement was RTed quite a bit. (Stepping off my twitter soapbox.)

Looking back on the week, I guess I was a grumpy ho more times than not. But I’m feeling much better now…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@kelybreez That’s the crappiest house they have here. You made the katdishionary, btw. (in reply to @kelybreez @katdish You’re getting warmer!)

@kelybreez You mean like this? http://yfrog.com/e4tlcjj
(in reply to kelybreez @katdish That’s cool! But in reality his house was older, smaller, and on the edge of delapidation!)

Hey, @kelybreez this makes me think of PawPaw’s house http://yfrog.com/jw55776533j

Our summer place http://yfrog.com/nffx5aj

Hey look! http://yfrog.com/eh7ckjj

Okay, lovely people. Off to the George Ranch. Have a great day!

@SarahBostAskins Or letting the it free from the valise (in reply to SarahBostAskins @katdish I love spam comments that are so poorly written or just plain funny sometimes but I guess I am letting the cat out of the bag here

I have no idea what that means, but I found it highly amusing.

“I would like to comprehensible you for some of my website that can let the cat free from the valise.” ~ spam comment

@TheMikeEllis Seriously…I crack me up.

@TheMikeEllis My tweets seem much more amusing when you tweet them. (in reply to TheMikeEllis My entire neighborhood is having a garage sale. I’m in second hand crap hell. @katdish)

@ExpeditionNovel I wonder if tweets might apply. I know that @badbanana’s tweets are often “recycled” by others.

I think that’s called “theft of intellectual property”. But I could be wrong.

If you tweet something someone else says (especially a well known quote) you really should credit its author.

I’m sort of grumpy this afternoon, so forgive me for complaining…BUT

Just when I thought no one character could annoy me more than Ryan, along comes Gabe #theoffice

#theoffice is the only show I’ve watched that has made me laugh & cringe simultaneously.

TSA Screener: If you’d like a private screening we can make that available to you.

Passenger: We can do that out here, but if you touch my junk I’m going to have you arrested.

Nice, Doug >RT @DougSpur: The best vitamin for making friends….. B1.

@MichaelDPerkins @JCWert Oh, it’s always my fault.

I’m a big fan of clever word play. This would not be one of those instances http://yfrog.com/jxdsjeaj

Love that >RT @jeffreypjacobs: All I can say is, “in a world that needs more dancing, she’s still a hula girl at heart”.

@weightwhat Of course not! With you, I know what to expect. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Are you talking about my tweets again?)

@PeterPollock Now see? I love those kind of tweets. (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I’m in love with my wife!!! (and I’m not taking that back!)

I love the twitter, but sometimes I read people’s tweets and think, “Why would you tweet something like that? You can’t take it back.”

“Carry something really unreasonable in ur pants, like raw biscuits. Assert ur rights to carry raw biscuits in your pants…loudly.”@MattTCoNP

@tonyjalicea Why thank you, Tony. I think. (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish Kathy, you are one of the most worthful people I know.)

@weightwhat I got 450 spam comments yesterday. They were delicious.

“I am not a usual commenter, but I was not able to ignore something so worthful.” – spam comment

@jpwire I wore flip flops to the bus stop. It’s my way of giving winter the middle finger. But it’s in the 50s here, not that cold.

@curtharding Solidarity, brother. Me either. (in reply to curtharding I know it’s harmless, but it still feels good to say I have never watched a moment of Dancing with the Stars.)

@Brian_Russell @gyoung9751 That might be a first. A katdishionary term with 2 definitions.

@gyoung9751 @Brian_Russell – now see? That’s why you need to give me a definition. B/C Glynn’s interpretation is different.

@Brian_Russell I like that. Makes me sound smart. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish The most obvious would be a mash-up: “Hectelegance”)

@Brian_Russell Figure that one out and I’ll put it in the katdishionary. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish See? But it sounds bad. You need something a bit more elegant… Some form of hectic elegance.)

@Brian_Russell Hectic? Yeah, I can see that. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish You know, I don’t think they are… I thought hectic, but that has a negative connotation.)

@Brian_Russell Oh, okay. Zany, huh? Are the kids still using that word these days? Snort (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Like, zany)

@Brian_Russell And by “Russell” I mean “Brian”. Snort!

@Brian_Russell Thanks, Russell. What SHOULD I refer to my blog as? (in reply to Brian_Russell If you somehow aren’t following @katdish, please do. She’s awesome and still refers to her blog as her “wordpress blog”. #blogger)

@tonyjalicea Okay. You just won my “favorite person of the day” award for leaving a comment as “Joe”.

I’ve noticed that lots of folks whose name begins with “J” comment on my blog. So if your name starts w “J”, you’ll probably dig my blog.

@TheMikeEllis Ah, yes. If you consider tee shirt, levis and flip flops snappy, then you’re welcome. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish for being a snappy dresser?)

@TheMikeEllis You’re welcome (not sure for what, but still)

@angiemizzell Ha! I mean…sorry about that. (in reply to angiemizzell @katdish They do fly, actually. People take out our trash can all the time.)

I restrained myself, of course. I’m disciplined like that.

It’s garbage day. Just drove down the street & had the overwhelming desire to take out some trash cans. Bet those plastic ones really fly!

@kelybreez Not from me, of course. But still…

@kelybreez Spam bots need love too, Kely.

The universal dog greeting http://yfrog.com/jtkq6dj

“Peanut butter fills the cracks in my heart” – Paul Blart, mall cop (via @fatcatdaddy)

@karenzach Dude…now you’re just trying to get me in trouble. (in reply to karenzach @katdish R u just going to sit by and let him bilk the masses?)

@karenzach Thought so. (in reply to karenzach @katdish Absolutely.)

RT @Helenatrandom Time to go to Costco. Not as much of a “fashion parade” as Wal Mart, but it’s something….

@karenzach You’re trying to bait me, aren’t you? (in reply to karenzach Oh, goody. Joel Osteen has a new book out just in time for Christmas. Let me run right out to WalMart and get a copy.)

Heard on the morning news: Man proposes to girlfriend. Girlfriend says no. Man tries to kill girlfriend. No means no, dude.

@dutchhillgirl Thanks. As to questions #12 & #13, he deserved to be called a jerk. He dropped the F-bomb on his grandmother.

Wow…Clearly this cat is related to Awesome Cat: http://youtu.be/5sAF8gMN9c0

@billycoffey Thanks. You did pretty well on the quiz about Billy Coffey. You only missed one.

Speaking of follow-backs, I don’t care how many followers u have, if u never talk to anyone don’t expect a refollow. Social media, people!

RT @EssOosh A Vending maching that uses facial recognition technology to recommend drinks. These Japanese are bored now.

And you know I wouldn’t recommend something if I didn’t believe in it. newbloghosting.com @peterpollock

This is who I use>RT @PeterPollock: Looking for a cost effective, friendly webhost with personal service? Then check out newbloghosting.com

My dog @buddylovethedog eagerly awaits company http://yfrog.com/ngjstohj

After hearing a great sermon today, it occurs to me that many who liken themselves to Job are much more like Jonah.

Dear GPS, Thanks for taking me down the road of 1000 red lights. Next time I’m using Mapquest.

Off to a mini Dishman family reunion. Should be fun. And loud.

Awesome! Is that cotton? >RT @okiewife: @katdish some additional fall colors from OK http://twitpic.com/36kicw

Thanks, y’all. Gotta finish up this post. TTFN.

Who needs google when I have the twitter?

And by “grammar nerds” I mean “dynamic wordsmiths”, of course…

Hey grammar nerds! Is it “profound effect” or “profound affect”. I always get those confused.

For those of you keeping score at home, I’ve been posting these twitter updates for almost 2 years. Of the 70 updates I’ve posted, my friend Steph has been missing from roughly one of them. Which, of course, she complained about. So this week I’m happy to report that Steph is back in the update. In other news, according to Yahoo Answers, a Jedi lite saber can, in fact, cut through Superman.

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Okay, gotta go refill my wastebasket with coffee @kelybreez

@jpwire Oh, I’m warped for a whole host of reasons. Pin cushions filled w/human hair is just one of them. (in reply to jpwire @katdish kinda creepy. no wonder you are warped. :))

@jpwire She says it keeps the needles sharp. Worst part? That pin cushion is 40 yrs old. That’s some old hair (in reply to jpwire @katdish That’s awesome. especially if it was hair from her victims. LOL)

@jpwire I should write a horror story post about the pin cushion my mom has stuffed with HUMAN HAIR. (in reply to jpwire @katdish I can’t either. but I found I’m lethal with a needle and pin cushion.)

@jpwire Except that I can’t sew… (in reply to jpwire @katdish I think you would be great addition to the sewing circle. :))

Snort! >RT @kelybreez: Today, I’m gonna #FF @katdish, because hardly anybody knows her.

@kelybreez Dude. That’s my coffee! (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Oh, my goodness, when I woke up this morning I was wondering, Whose gonna post a picture of a wastebasket today? Now I know.)

http://yfrog.com/jjj1ebj Morning all!

@br8kthru It’s my deep, abiding dysfunctional respect for your goofiness (in reply to br8kthru @katdish now it makes sense why you ignore me for long stretches. :))

@kelybreez Are you vying for 2 entries into the katdishionary? (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Really? I was just about to say you were awesomischievouliscious.)

My FB friend Hazel Moon just called me “awesomely mischievous”. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s told me all day.

@br8kthru You know, Jason. You’re like the pesky little brother I never had (in reply to br8kthru @katdish if I’m a ‘boy’ then how do I ‘man up’ -you speak in riddles and mysteries…)

@br8kthru Man up, sweater vest boy. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish *rolling eyes* I should have known better than to try to get sympathy from you.)

@br8kthru Wait…Lemme pull out my tiny violin… (in reply to br8kthru @katdish if you had to deal with all I do, you’d cope by being a goofball too :))

@br8kthru You’re such a goofball…

@tonyjalicea There’s no “I” in Team, but there is a “me”. ( in reply to tonyjalicea For the record, there is no “l” in both. Thank you. Your welcome.)

50 Yahoo answer fails (via @weirdnews) “Can a Jedi lite saber cut thru Superman?” http://bit.ly/cpJU35

@Learell Oh, I despise the Cowboys. (in reply to Learell @katdish like the cowboys?)

@kelybreez He’s dead to me. He disrespected Texas.

My 13 YO son keeps changing my radio from rock to 40s big band music. What alternate universe am I living in?

@kelybreez Rantpiling? That may be one for the katdishionary (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Yes. But not rantpiling. It stops you up.)

@kelybreez I’ll have you know that my blood pressure is very low. Ranting is good for the soul if done correctly. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish It’s a commonly known fact that rantpiling causes high blood pressure. And in rare cases is communicable.)

@kelybreez I think I’m going to have to start stockpiling ranting posts, because I could rant about lots of stuff lately.

“Art is the symbol of the two most noblest human efforts: to construct & to refrain from destruction.” ~ Evelyn Waugh

@PeterPollock I’m sure this kind of thing happens all the time. Especially in the Houston area…

@PeterPollock & I just happened to be next to the Christmas table when I reached this decision…

@PeterPollock Yes, that’s what they told me. But if I was walking around w/a stack of books & changed my mind about buying them… (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish Where books go in a store is set corporately, months in advance. Most stores don’t get to pick what goes where.)

Note to self: Next time don’t ask. Just do.

I asked them to move it to the Christmas book table, they said they couldn’t.

Went to Barnes & Noble today. #SnowDayBook was on the 3rd row in the “new fiction” section.

@weightwhat I do, don’t I? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish You take all the best field trips.)

“That’s weird. Never seen an urinal in the Ladies Room before. Wait! I’m in the MENS room!” – Me

@kelybreez Well, you’re the lawyer. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish kat. You’re ridiculous. This clearly means you can put your car here IF your child is the one parking the car. Get a grip.)

This is why I don’t signs like this. They give people an excuse to find a loophole instead of just doing the right thing.

http://yfrog.com/5y4uhaj Technically, I am a customer w/children, even though they’re in school. So I could park here.

@KathleenOverby sorry/you’re welcome (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish Yes, of course it would you brutal truth teller. This is why I asked. I KNEW your answer and needed it to stop my folly. groan.)

@KathleenOverby Why? Won’t that distract from what you’re creating on the table? (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish no sun, moon, stars, or paisley designs before I seal it? :))

@KathleenOverby Sand it, paint it again, then put a sealer on it. (in reply to KathleenOverby @katdish wish you were here to help me paint the ping pong table, which is really my craft table. I put red on for the base. Now what?)

http://yfrog.com/cai0epj Change of plans. Think I’m gonna drive around & remember my misspent youth for awhile.

Singing obnoxiously loud (in harmony, no less.)

Dang! Anyone remember this one? http://yfrog.com/e6ifzj

Well, except my mom. But she’s just stubborn that way.

My home phone number has become the equivalent to the spam filter on my website. People I need to talk to call my cell phone.

Thinking about writing another “Why I hate writing post” for all you masochistic writers out there.

@SBeeCreations SPACE: Sort, Purge, Access, Containerize, and then something that starts with “E”

@SBeeCreations It says to organize like a kindergarten classroom. Have zones for everything…

@SBeeCreations I’m not much at organizing, but there’s a great book I read that makes sense. Gonna try & find it on Amazon.

@redclaydiaries Snort! ( in reply to redclaydiaries: @katdish Oooh ooh! I’ve got one! For about a year, Charlie asked me to handle bill paying…
C: Steph, why was the electric bill $200 last month?
Me: I don’t know.
C: Was it 2 mos worth?
Me: I don’t know
C: How do u not know? U wrote the check YESTERDAY.
Me: (bats eyelashes)

@redclaydiaries R: How much did you pay for those green beans?
Me: Um, what would be a good price for green beans?
R: 50 cents a can.
Me: Um, yeah. I think that’s what I paid for them.
R: You have no idea do you?
Me: (bats eyelashes)

@redclaydiaries Ooo! Like mine, too. Because she would take the time to clip coupons & stuff (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Good point. Yes, a wife with a personality like my husband’s.)

@redclaydiaries Let’s just lay our cards out on the table shall we? Someone who will cook, clean, shop & babysit. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Can they also do laundry? Then I’m all up in that.)

@SBeeCreations No dollar range. What’s something you do that you would pay someone to do?

(That’s one extravagance, right? b/c the cook & shopper would be the same person. He or she would also plan meals & clean the kitchen)

Me? A full time cook and grocery shopper.

If you were to allow yourself one big extravagance, what would it be?

http://yfrog.com/5bmn4mj This is a DVD made for children? GAAA!

Subbed in the toddler class at church today & faced my fear of puppets head on.

@karenzach That’s really nice of you. Kids over 12 in my neighborhood received candy & judgmental stares (in reply to karenzach @katdish We gave out $75 worth of candy and 40 books. We get 400-500 every year. Those over 12 get books)

The great thing about this dog bed is that no matter how often you wash it, it’s still disgusting. http://plixi.com/p/55143962

Last week I mentioned I had an interesting conversation on the twitter that would have to wait until this week, and while it is not here in its entirety, I think there’s enough here that you’ll get the gist of it, which is this:
Don’t be talking smack to me about Texas.
Especially if you’ve never been here. And no, I’m not kidding. Not even a little bit. We’re proud of our state, and for good reason, just as I’m sure (I’m hoping) that you have pride in your own state. Nuff said. (Folks from Oklahoma are exempt from this rule, but we have a mutual understanding about making fun of each other’s states.)

In other news, I took a little heat for humiliating my dog, but I think he actually enjoyed being dressed like a chicken. Okay, maybe not. But I sure got a kick out of it!

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@ServingStrong Very true. (in reply to ServingStrong What a profound statement for all of us to say!)

@edcyzewski Not so much, no. (in reply to edcyzewski @katdish No self esteem issues I see…

Being me has its perks.

This particular copy will be personally autographed by @billycoffey. Details on Monday at katdish.net

There have been several great giveaways for @billycoffey’s #snowdaybook so far. And I will be giving away one, too.

@tonyjalicea It’s funny and punny.

@tonyjalicea Luuuuuke! I am your fodder! (in reply to tonyjalicea Fodder is a funny word.)

@TheMikeEllis You are correct. As I have an overwhelming desire to bury turds. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish doesn’t play well in sandbox)

@TheMikeEllis Thanks. And good call, as I am freakishly strong for a girl. (in reply to TheMikeEllis The Christ following chick I’d take into a bar fight is @katdish #ff)

RT @TPO_Hisself: Biden: Just because the Recovery Act was a monumental failure, does not mean that it is not a huge success.//Snort!

I’m synching my iPhone to my computer. Whatever that means.

@RachelleGardner I can live with that. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish Okay then, you’ be terrible at the “would you rather” game my kids like to play. 🙂 Refusing to choose is cheating!)

@RachelleGardner I don’t wanna. Besides, writers should concentrate on writing & let folks like us make them famous. (in reply to RachelleGardner @katdish The point of this game is to CHOOSE! :-))

I choose both>RT @RachelleGardner: Writers — what if you had to choose between financial success or critical acclaim?

@kelybreez But there will always be a demand for a good story. Always.

@kelybreez The reality of publishing is that it is a for profit business. Marginal books sell b/c they’re written by famous people.

@sarahmsalter I’m really looking forward to old age. I’ll be that crazy old lady at family gatherings that everyone just smiles politely at.

@billycoffey You need to stop being sick. You’re no good to me dead.

@sarahmsalter Is your grand daddy Yogi Berra? Snort! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Yep. He also said, “It’ll quit hurting when it stops.” And “always keep your tail behind you.” 🙂 #homespunwisdom)

@tonyjalicea Ha! You’re the only one. (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish I totally retained my man card today.)

@Helenatrandom Scandalous! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I had a crush on Mr. Rogers. I told a Nun I worked with about it as an adult. She was shocked, since he is a Presbyterian! SNORT)

@CandySteele Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

@CandySteele Do you know what’s more annoying that Happy Meal toys? Adults who collect them & sell them on ebay.

@MichaelDPerkins Thanks Michael. You’re being awfully nice today. Do you owe me money? (in reply to MichaelDPerkins If you want to learn how to write better then start reading @gyoung9751 @katdish @gritandglory All are ridiculously good.)

@kelybreez I would, but it’s already sopping wet with your man-tears (in reply to kelybreez I use my man card to wipe my tears.)

@br8kthru Yeah. And some serious man-card violations. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish I know! Lots of eye-opening comments though. :))

@br8kthru You’re welcome. Who knew your post would be such a cry fest?

@jewda4 Yeah, way to kick a kid when he’s down. (in reply to jewda4 @katdish yeah, and that cuts deep. I don’t live there, and I’m hurting for my fellow fatties.)

So, basically they’re saying, “Hey fat kid! No toys for you!”

Deep, breathy sigh…SF area McDonalds may disallow toys in Happy Meals if fat & calorie counts are too high to help curb childhood obesity.

RT @br8kthru: Top 5 Cartoon Criers- go ahead & weigh in w/ your thoughts! http://ow.ly/1rox4Z//Yes. @dlrayburn broke spades w/Barbie

Is it just me, or is Chris Matthews of MSNBC a grumpy ho?

@TheMikeEllis Nah. If you give me any trouble I’ll send the @billycoffey mafia after you. Great to talk to you. (in reply to TheMikeEllis I feel very important. I just got off the phone with @katdish She is currently changing her number.)

End of mini rant.

The government needs to get the hell out of the way and let people work without getting taxed out of business.

I guess my main disagreement with current leadership is their belief that the government needs to create jobs.

And since when do snowman have teeth? What kind of nightmare decor company comes up w/this stuff? http://plixi.com/p/54613868

GAAA! Scary elf. http://plixi.com/p/54613621

Aaaand done. Except for stapling the top, which somebody else can do. http://plixi.com/p/54605660

@Helenatrandom Of course. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish HEY!! I saw a cute little Alice in Wonderland teapot in their flyer that I was thinking of getting.. (but only if it is functional)

@weightwhat you have my Chicago address, right? C/O @Helenatrandom? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish I went to Tuesday Morning today. Saw lots of crap. Be expecting a large package soon.)

Stock up and save! This one’s on clearance. Can’t imagine why it didn’t sell. http://plixi.com/p/54593816

@weightwhat why didn’t I think of that? You should be my wingman in Houston traffic. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should have just parked on top of them.)

This is Texas. Get a gas guzzling SUV for crying out loud.

Silly little matchbox cars. They should make them park 2 to a space. I thought I had a parking space twice, but I just couldn’t see them.

The non virtual world needs me. TTFN.

@CandySteele Or blue? http://yfrog.com/4pfqvj

@CandySteele What about green? http://yfrog.com/50z86fj

@CandySteele Oh-Em-Gee. Check this out: http://yfrog.com/bcb3jwj I stripped that paper for a client last year. Same monster flower family.

(in reply to CandySteele @katdish This paper was the rage..in it’s day. Yes, rugly. No other colors http://twitpic.com/338b55 http://twitpic.com/338bcu #shutup)

@billycoffey Snort! (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You’re awful.)

@billycoffey HA! You said duty… (in reply to billycoffey Good morning, folks. Don’t forget to vote today. It’s not just a duty, it’s a privilege.)

Just woke up from a 14 hour Benedryl induced nap. Good morning!

Can a person sneeze to death? Is that possible?

@mabeswife I’ve sneezed approx 100 times this morning. Stupid weather.

Candy inspection time. I must remove all questionable treats & those I happen to really like http://plixi.com/p/54359157

@CandySteele I’m thinking taco. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Did Buddy Love get his dignity back? Next year you may as well make him a green pig totally shatter his ego.)

@weightwhat Nah. He LOVES that costume. Can’t you tell? (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Did you find poo in your shoes this morning?)

@muchl8r Yes. Also? He’s a dog. (in reply to muchl8r @katdish I want to feel bad for your dog, but people do that to their kids, too so whatever)

@SBeeCreations Had to take him inside. The barking chicken was scaring the little kids.

@TheMikeEllis Hey. You’re not the boss of me. (in reply to TheMikeEllis @katdish hey hush up.)

@LizFentonDecker Ooo! You know what? If he comes back, I’m giving him a rock! (in reply to LizFentonDecker ‘All I got was a rock!’)

@kelybreez Yes. Hush, hush. Voices carry. Story of my life. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Voices Carry. Anyone remember that song by Til Tuesday?)

Accepting his fate http://plixi.com/p/54209027

Per @CandySteele’s request http://plixi.com/p/54207027

@CandySteele flip flops, jeans and a black shirt. I’m going subtle. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Whatchya wearing?)

But come on–a 50 something bald guy dressed as Charlie Brown? That’s funny right there.

Just been told I need to keep my costume editorials myself because apparently, my voice carries.

Sitting on the driveway waiting on the onslaught of trick or treaters.

@mayaREguru Oh, ponies are okay. (in reply to mayaREguru @katdish what if I send you a pony? :D)

If you send me ad links you will be reported as spam. Have a nice day.

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak out and remove all doubt.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

@Helenatrandom That’s what I was thinking! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Perfect! A snuggie to match my undies!)

@weightwhat No snuggie for me, but I think I found one for @Helenatrandom http://plixi.com/p/53813451

@duane_scott Yes. I’m sure your 100 lb. bag was way over the limit. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish yes. I’m sure. I once tried to go to TEXAS, but I didn’t arrive at the border with a 50 lb. bag of ego so I was sent back.)

@duane_scott Now see, if you had spent any time in Texas you would know that it is awesome. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish I’m learning new stuff everyday. My sister and her husband are moving to Texas. #justrealizediwillhavetovisit #suckstobeme)

@redclaydiaries Or something like that… (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I think he must have small-state syndrome. @duane_scott)

@duane_scott What do you know about Texas? (in reply to duane_scott @CandySteele so I can “train” my phone to capitalize texas? I may do it for @katdish for her Christmas present.)

@duane_scott How very thoughtful to get something for yourself for me for Christmas. (in reply to duane_scott @CandySteele so I can “train” my phone to capitalize texas? I may do it for @katdish for her Christmas present.)

@redclaydiaries Why yes. I think you did. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Thank you! Did I get here in time for Pick on @duane_scott Time?)

@Learell It’s truly a gift to be easily amused. (in reply to Learell @katdish yes. Cheetoes for sure. (phone just attempted to correct that to cherries and I laughed. It’s late)

RT @redclaydiaries: @duane_scott “It’s” educational system? I think your google dictionary needs to review possessives.//Snort!

@duane_scott I beg your pardon. My kids go to one the highest rated districts in the country. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish it will be the google dictionary on my phone that doesn’t capitalize texas because obviously, it’s education system is too poor.)

@duane_scott Would that be the one written in crayon where you don’t capitalize “Texas”? (in reply to duane_scott @katdish I’m with @lainiegallagher. “Irregardless” is not a word. I will bring my dictionary to texas. @kelybreez)

School field day, various and sundry practices to attend and working on the set for my girl’s 4th grade musical, et. al. — It was a pretty busy week for me in the non-virtual world, but I still managed to enrich a few lives through the power of social media. Or not…

I also had a rather riveting twitter conversation whilst preparing this post, but alas, it will have to wait until next week.

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@CandySteele Dude. I’m totally making me one of those. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Did you get one? Angry Birds costume http://twitpic.com/321dj4 bawwwk!)

@kelybreez I think @LainieGallagher’s favorite word is “I am always right”. Even though technically, that’s 4 words. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish But it would have to be her favorite word, not yours. She has the 3rd letter “i” in her name.)

@mdgoodyear Yes, but vurp is a much funner word. (in reply to mdgoodyear @katdish I thought that was called acid reflux…)

@kelybreez I think my favorite word is “irregardless”. Mostly because @LainieGallagher says it’s not a real word, & I like to make her mad.

Vurp: vomit/burp. You’re welcome.

@Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations @kelybreez VURP!

@Helenatrandom Um, right. Credit. That’s what I meant. (in reply to Helenatrandom Don’t you mean credit, not blame?)

@SBeeCreations Okay…Neti Pots I’ll own, not head cheese.

@kelybreez I believe what @weightwhat means is that I am the catalyst for all things good. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “I take no blame for pirate festivals or head cheese. That’s all @helenatrandom” / But you’ve been blamed for everything.)

@kelybreez Okay. Tangent. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish “Twitter” is above & beyond the English language. Doesn’t count. You’ll have to try again.

@kelybreez Twitter. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Twitter peeps. I love words. What’s your favorite word in the English language that’s starts w/ 3rd letter of your first name?)

@weightwhat The worst part is that my friends used to sing it to ME. Inconceivable! (in reply to weightwhat @katdish At least you were singing loudly – makes it more believeable.)

Confession: I thought the name of this song was “Something Conceited”, which I sang at the top of my lungs. http://plixi.com/p/53585685

Spent most of the day with paper and a stapler. Hope to be mostly done by tomorrow. http://plixi.com/p/53431091

Why, yes…I AM easily entertained…

“It takes me a week to build my website. It looks heinous & insolvent & so I call your admonition to rally it.” – spam comment

Excerpt from spam comment: “I found your excellent text in the twitter.” (Snort!)

What would happen if everyone really did Wang Chung tonight? http://plixi.com/p/53254972

@TchrEric That would be interesting. And horrible. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish It would be much more interesting to hear YOU playing the French Horn)

@kirstenwilson Snort! (in reply to kirstenwilson @katdish My boy also plays French horn. (Not sure why I’m telling you this. Perhaps so we could start a support group?)

I’m off again…French horn lessons (no, not for me, for the boy)

Nothing says welcome to fall like 94 degrees and humidity. Blech!

@dlrayburn Who doesn’t love a good katrant? (in reply to dlrayburn @tonyjalicea Love the Katrant’s huh? (cc: @katdish )

@tonyjalicea Aw, really? Thanks Tony. (in reply to tonyjalicea I would say @katdish // RT @dlrayburn If you could only recommend one person to follow on twitter, who would it be?)

So, here’s what I’ve been doing for the last 2 hours… http://plixi.com/p/53213482

@cathylynnl @tonyjalicea @kelybreez There are few life situations where I’m at a loss to compare them to an episode of Seinfeld.

@cathylynnl Now you’re supposed to say, “Oh, it be…”

@cathylynnl It annoys you? That can’t be! (in reply to cathylynnl @tonyjalicea @kelybreez Seinfeld totally annoys me. I thought it was a “guy” show. Evidently not, @katdish)

@kelybreez I don’t think you’re a loser, but you probably won’t ever understand some of my tweets. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish I hesitate to admit this… But I’ve never seen an episode of Seinfeld. I know, I know. People think I’m a LOSER.)

@tonyjalicea I thought everyone watched Seinfeld. I found out differently last week. (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish It feels so good to be understood.)

@tonyjalicea Worse than a RAGING anti-dentite! (in reply to tonyjalicea @katdish That’s worse than an anti-dentite!)

@tonyjalicea An anti-grace-ite? (in reply to tonyjalicea If you don’t give grace to someone because they don’t give grace to others, what does that make you?)

@weightwhat Who knew? Guess you can never be too prepared. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish That’ll teach you for leaving the house unprepared.)

@weightwhat I was wishing I had my old curling iron. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Did you feel the need to feather your hair?)

@weightwhat @BigMama247 I had a temporary flashback to 1979.

You’ve heard of eye of the tiger? I give you…shirt of the tiger. http://plixi.com/p/53098825

“The truth isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s a big boy…” ~ Stephen King (Duma Key)

“If you tell yourself the great lie of bad art–that you are in charge–your chance at the truth will be lost. ” ~ Stephen King (Duma Key)

You don’t mix together all the ingredients to get love. All the ingredients are already there.

I think people often mistake 1 Cor 13: 4-13 (Love is patient…) for a recipe rather than a definition.

@billycoffey #SnowDayBook is still doing very well on Amazon. I think everyone should buy at least 2 copies. One to keep & one to give.

My son is playing “You and Me” by Lifehouse on the French horn. (smiles)