Katdish.net

(twitpic courtesy of @weightwhat)

I follow around 1800 folks on twitter, give or take a few. And no, I don’t read everyone’s tweets, but I’m somewhat selective about whom I follow. When someone follows me, before I refollow, I look at their profile and read their last few tweets. If it’s someone that makes me smile, makes me think and generally looks like a real person, I will refollow. There’s some great info, some great links and some great conversations on twitter. And then there’s me…

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@melissa_rae Thanks, Melissa! If only all my minions…er…followers were as agreeable!

RT @melissa_rae I follow @katdish she told me to. And you have to do whatever she says. #ff

@makeadiff21 Well, that doesn’t sound very appetizing at all (in reply to makeadiff21 @katdish The last ones I had tasted like dirty feet. :-P)

@CandySteele I’ve noticed that too, but @billycoffey’s blog is still working!: http://bit.ly/3x6PJN #nastypimptweet (in reply to CandySteele @buzzbyannies @katdish Actually I think someone broke the internet. Many blogs are funky this morning. AL??? AL???)

@br8kthru Wear that sweater vest proudly, my friend. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish also an officer and a gentleman…)

@br8kthru You’re a gentleman and a scholar, Jason. (in reply to br8kthru @katdish see! If I were going to smell garbage, I’d rather fight it with better smelling garbage. I’m a thinker. :))

@pagan43 I’m against them. Especially if they smell like vanilla. (in reply to pagan43 @katdish How do you feel about scented toilet paper roll holders ?)

@br8kthru @Helenatrandom @pagan43 I would prefer my garbage liners not be scented, but me thinks pine would be a better choice

@Helenatrandom My point exactly. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Yeah, I don’t know why they make scented trash can liners. Like my garbage doesn’t already smell all sweet and attractive.)

Dear makers of scented trash can liners, Vanilla scented garbage isn’t really working for me.

@JeanneDamoff And you get 50 points for telling @helenatrandom to speak English

@JeanneDamoff Yay! (in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish @Nick_theGeek Your remark about stabbing (and envy thereof) made me laugh out loud. 50 points.)

@Nick_theGeek Well, here’s hoping you get the opportunity. (in reply to Nick_theGeek @katdish I didn’t get to stab anyone … yet.)

@Nick_theGeek Luck-eeee (in reply to Nick_theGeek Anytime I get to stab someone it’s a good day)

In an effort to get my kids used to a new school schedule, I made them go to bed early last night. My daughter is now fully dressed and asleep on the couch.

@JeanneDamoff Ah, well. The non-virtual world requires my full attention sometimes, & I’m happy to oblige.

I love the smell of Amdro fire ant killer in the morning. Die, fire ant scum! http://twitpic.com/2g65qy

@dannyjbixby Thanks for sharing. (in reply to dannyjbixby Two pounds of steak at dinner = intestinal crisis the next morning…)

@Helenatrandom Oh come on! That song is a classic. “Never trust a big butt & a smile”? Epic.(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish You expect me to know rap? Really??)

@redclaydiaries Hold the phones, we have a winner: http://youtu.be/fvVZegDnbJU in reply to redclaydiaries @buzzbyannies @katdish @Helenatrandom Did “She’s Poison” get figured out? Isn’t that Bel Biv Devoe?)

@NilsenLife Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. (in reply to NilsenLife @katdish are you kidding? I always have Van Halen in my head. lol.)

@Helenatrandom Oooo! Do you remember that song called “She’s Poison”? Who sang that? (in reply to Helenatrandom @buzzbyannies That’s Poison.)

@marciw7 The Walmart school supply aisle is a war zone to be avoided if possible. (in reply to marciw7 @katdish wat happened to getting them at wal mart? are they “trying” to be more efficent? hang in there!)

Meanwhile, no line in the “haven’t bought school supplies yet” section. I knew I should have stayed a slacker mom.

Waiting in line for school supplies. That I’ve already paid for. Did I mention that I’ve already paid for them? http://twitpic.com/2fpn7u

I really like it when she agrees with me @amysorrells

@amysorrells RT @katdish: I love the way she does twitter recommendations @MaryDeMuth // yep!!!

I love the way she does twitter recommendations @MaryDeMuth

RT @myapronstrings: Oh my gosh I have a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalker. Especially right after school. Still listening…

My daughter bought a dog toy for @buddylovethedog. His name is Justin Beaver. http://twitpic.com/2foig6

“Cheat your landlord if you can & must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You cannot fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.” – William Burroughs

Answer: Chick-fil-a. Question: Where should you never go at noon in Katy, TX?

Okay. Gotta go interface with the non-virtual world

@amysorrells pot… (in reply to amysorrells @katdish kettle . . .)

I just got a fail whale. Everybody stop talking for a sec…

“Look for more from this talented author in the future” ~ Library Journal (@billycoffey)

RT @shanonpstowe Congrats to @billycoffey — @LibraryJournal calls his new novel “Snow Day” ‘…a sure bet…’ http://ow.ly/2qIlg

@dukeslee wanted to share this pic I took when our whole church went camping. I looked up and there it was. http://twitpic.com/2fhwlm

@Helenatrandom Don’t confuse the issue, Helen. Inquiring minds wanna know… (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I don’t think she was talking about Sweet Baby Jesus on this post at all…)

For the love of Sweet Baby Jesus, would someone please tell me who @redclaydiaries is talking about?: http://bit.ly/aEGqm6

Gus: Shaun, you’ve never read the Bible have you? Shaun: Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Doooo the right thing!

Mr Guster, sorry to interrupt, but there’s a Lt. Crunch here to see you. Shaun: Actually, I’ve been promoted. It’s Captain Crunch. #psych

@CassandraFrear especially the purse my sister gave me for my b-day. You could fit a German Shepherd in there (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Good thing, I’m not with you. One of them might go home in your purse.)

@TchrEric I think I read that in the cookbook “101 ways to wok your dog” (in reply to TchrEric @katdish It’s all in the presentation my dear…(and the correct herbs and spices)….)

@TchrEric Of course, I can’t speak for other parts of the world, where the latter may be true.

@TchrEric Apparently, there’s such a thing as dog bakeries. Meaning they make treats for dogs, not out of them. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Oh Kat…I am sure someone already has…and, the our society is at times, they probably are making good money from the endeavor.)

Happy Birthday @herbiegookins, wherever you are!

@kelybreez You’re eating dog food? Is this a subtle attempt for sympathy seed funding? (in reply to kelybreez @katdish Hey, kat, don’t knock ’em till ya try ’em! They’re better than people Cheetos.)

Life sized Barbie sold separately. http://twitpic.com/2f3ru0

Cheetos. For dogs. (rolls eyes) http://twitpic.com/2f3l97

Overheard at Petsmart: Someone needs to invent a birthday cake for dogs. Um….no.

@kelybreez I rest my case. (in reply to kelybreez @katdish I say, “Honey, if it’s more than three things, ya gotta make a list.” And still I have to call.)

You can spot married men at the grocery store. They’re the ones staring blankly at the shelves talking on their cell phones.

@RachelleGardner Nice save. (in reply to RachelleGardner Due to a rickety table in @Starbucks, my entire (untasted) grande Americano is all over me & the floor. Laptop unharmed!)

My daughter wants new bedroom furniture. Her request is simple: bed, dresser & desk. Oh, & they need to be lime green.

RT @marni71 I’m Shaun and this is MC Clap Yo Hands…with a z! #Psych

I have just received an email. I am overwhelmingly excited! PCB has been spotted. Pictures have been taken. #Ineedalife

I was all prepared to write something light and silly today, but I’m still thinking about yesterday’s post and the great comments. I’m not going to bash anyone here (much), I’m just very weary of hearing and reading about everything that’s wrong with the church. Yes, we’ve made mistakes, and we will continue to make mistakes, because the Body of Christ is made up of broken and flawed people. And while I’m fairly confident all Christians still believe,

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

there are things we will never completely and collectively agree upon. We can have honest and respectful debates about our differences. And that’s okay with me.

What’s not okay with me is when I hear or read someone ranting and raving about all the things wrong with the church.

Because let’s just be honest, shall we?

They’re not complaining about what’s wrong with the church,

they’re complaining about what’s wrong with your church.

Because they’ve got it all figured out, don’t they?

Except, maybe the fact that we’re all the church. One big, broken messy family who chose Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Each time I read another book, article or blog post that tears down the Body without building it up, I wonder what God must think of us. I like the way my friend Jeanne Damoff puts it, “There goes the Bride of Christ, shooting herself in the foot again.”

But, hey. It’s Friday! I don’t want to end on a sad note. So I’d like to ask you, what’s GOOD about the church? Either the Church (big C) or the little body of believers you call home? I’ll start, kay?

What I love about church:

• I love that this little church plant I’m a part of made it past our first year–not only healthy, but thriving–without the support of a church planting organization and without a proven model to emulate. Well, except the Acts 2:42 model. Lots of people said it couldn’t be done, but with God, all things are possible.
• I love that Jeff Hogan (my pastor) makes regular references to “The Princess Bride” in his sermons.
• I love that we do stuff like go camping for a weekend and have church service at a state park.
• I love that folks recognize their brokenness but don’t necessarily feel the need to wallow in it.
• I love that we have such dedicated and loving men and women teaching our children. I also love that we probably have as many kids at our church as we have adults. Some days the kids actually outnumber the adults, and my daughter is excited about going to church every week.
• I love that my church family really does feel like family.
• I love that the usual 80-20 volunteer rule doesn’t apply. Everyone contributes something.
• I love that when we used to meet in our home on Sunday, Buddy Love the dog would howl at Jeff during prayer time.

Okay, your turn. What do you love about church? If you don’t go to church, what do you love about Sunday?

Last week I wrote a post entitled Words, where I suggested that what we write must serve a purpose. I received a comment that I didn’t really understand at first because I was reading it within the context of what I had written. The author was kind enough to explain where he was coming from in a later comment, and I couldn’t agree more with his point:

@kelybreez said:

At the risk of being a hypocrite, because I’m usually guilty of anything that gives me pause…

It troubles me when I read something done in the name of “doubt,” questions about God, or the motives of the church or ministers, etc… And the overall feeling is that the person is actually just trying to fit into the trendy, cute genre of “being a questioner.”

It’s great form these days. People read it. People love it. And so it’s cute, and it’s fashionable…

And the writer doesn’t even have to ask intellectually honest questions of themselves anymore, such as, “Do I really have the doubt myself, or am I writing this to sell my blog more?” (and as a result, their novel, or their persona, or whatever it is they’re trying to drive traffic to.)

Or they don’t ask, “Does this question truly help someone work through their doubts and grow into a place of seeking God, or am I just tossing out controversy for my own benefit?”

Again, I’m honestly not trying to be a stick-in-the-mud. I just want us, myself included, to be honest. When we write our words in such a way that they CAUSE more doubt, rather than with the hope of probing doubt (with a growth of faith as the hopeful result)… Well, then I think we’ve missed it.

If our desire is just to rattle people’s cages so we’ll be more popular, then I’m asking myself, Am I being like Jesus?

He rattled cages, yes, but with a loving purpose in mind. Always. (I think.)

Being the sarcastic and sometimes snarky person that I am, I often find myself laughing at things that perhaps wouldn’t be so funny if I took the time to consider if doing so would be at the expense of others. Yes, I post some fairly outlandish things, but I make a serious effort not to be hurtful. To Kely’s point, I have found some blog posts published by Christians to be mean-spirited and sometimes downright cruel. And I have to ask myself the same question Kely posed: “Does this truly help someone work through their doubts and grow into a place of seeking God, or am I just tossing out controversy for my own benefit?”

A couple of months ago, I watched a video on a very popular Christian blog. There was no story to go along with the video, and as best I could tell, its sole purpose was to laugh at the woman on said video because she was praying and speaking in tongues (and causing those around her a considerable amount of discomfort). Based on the comments associated with the post, the blogger’s apparent intent hit its target. The comments were incredibly cruel and insensitive, and I couldn’t help but wonder how the subject of the video might react to reading that post. I’m not going to mention the name of this blogger, and if you mention it in the comments section, I will not approve your comment. That’s not my point. My point is, if you feel it’s necessary to make fun of an alternative viewpoint in order to bring weight to your own, might I suggest you spend your time making a better argument? As Christians, we can laugh at ourselves and we can laugh with (and sometimes at) each other. Jon Acuff and Matt Appling accomplish this consistently and effectively without being cruel or overly offensive.

Warning: Some may find the following video offensive, but if you’ll hang in there, I do have a point:

I am a Christian who writes a blog, but I don’t consider katdish.net to be a Christian blog. The words God, Jesus, Christ, church or Christian do not appear anywhere in the title or description of this site. Does this mean I think I have a lesser responsibility to represent Christ through what I write on this blog? Yes, actually. I do think that. Because I’ve never represented this blog to be anything more than my own ramblings. Yes, I write about my faith, but that’s not what this blog is primarily about. I don’t think I’m ever un-Christian, but that’s not my only focus here.

As Bob Kelso says, “There is a time and a place for the truth.” If you’re a Christian, you have the added responsibility of speaking the Truth in love. It may not always be sexy or hip, but consider Who you’re representing and to Whom you belong.

Today’s guest blogger is Michael Perkins, who is a self-described ordinary guy who serves an extraordinary God. To read more from Michael, you can read his blog, Untitled and follow him on twitter @MichaelDPerkins

While in high school, I was recruited heavily by pro and college baseball scouts. I desperately wanted to impress these scouts because I desperately wanted to play professionally. If I knew a scout was going to be at the game, I would do my best to look cool and try hard. Because I was prideful.

The summer going into my senior year was a busy one. I was playing in tournaments all across Ohio. There were a lot of scouts at these tournaments. At one tournament, we played a team whose pitcher had at least 15 scouts watching him pitch. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to shine in front of them. When it was my turn to bat, I literally strutted up to the batter’s box, making sure that everyone saw me. Once in the box, I waited for the pitcher to throw something I could hit hard.

Well, I did hit a pitch hard. As I was running to first base, I thought about the scouts watching me. I wanted to impress them, so I ran harder and tried to look cool doing it. This was not a good combination. I literally fell right on my face in front of a stadium full of people, including the 15 scouts. I was so humiliated.

Jeremiah 50:32a says, “The arrogant one will stumble and fall and no one will help her up;”

I read that verse the other day and was immediately reminded of trying to impress those scouts.
Because of my pride.
All through my life, I have tried to impress people.
Because of my pride.
I have tried to impress them with my athletic ability.
Because of my pride.
I have tried to impress people with my intelligence.
Because of my pride.
I have tried to impress people with my charm.
Because of my pride.
I have tried to impress people with my sense of humor.
Because of my pride.
I have tried to impress people…
If there was anything that I could try and do to impress someone, I am sure that I have done it.
And when I try to impress people instead of being humble, I typically fall on my face.

Have you ever fallen down because of pride or arrogance?

Sometimes a comment on a blog stays with me. That happened recently when I read Black in more than 140 characters on Sandra Heska King’s blog. She had this great quote from Amy Grant about how when you mix black into something it creates fullness. It was a great quote, and it got me thinking about painting and shading. So I left this comment:

That is a wonderful analogy. I like it very much. I would agree that a little black gives much depth.

However…do you know how you shade and give depth when you’re painting a picture? You mix the color opposite to your color on the color wheel. The opposite color also makes the other “pop”. Red/green, blue/orange, yellow/purple, etc. (Think about football jersey colors. Many have opposite colors on them.)

I don’t really have an analogy for that one. Just wanted to share a painting tip. I know–you’re welcome.

But my brain couldn’t leave it at that. It had to come up with an analogy. So here it is (again, you’re welcome):

While complimentary colors create a feeling of calm and harmony,

Colors which are opposite on the color wheel

make the other stand out,

making each other seem that much brighter and intense.

 

When two opposite colors are blended carefully, they can result in the subtle shading of the other, giving more depth and dimension to the overall picture.

But too much of one into the other makes for a drab, muddy picture, and the original intensity of each begins to fade into the background.

Mix the two equally, and the results are a uniform drabness. Both colors void of their original brilliance.

It’s all about balance. Knowing how much is enough through trial and error.

Or recognizing that in order to compliment the other, sometimes the right decision is not to blend at all, but simply let one color draw attention to the other.

Remembering that often in the big picture,

all these tips may come in handy.

It’s often said people don’t miss what they don’t know, and that is a maxim proven true many times in my life. Like right now.

When I was a kid, back-to-school shopping involved little more than perusing the two aisles of office supplies at the local Roses, where the selection was limited and the quality was debatable. But now there’s Staples. If there had been a Staples when I was in school, I’m sure I would have roamed the aisles of notebooks and pencils with the same sense of wonder and excitement my children are displaying.

Shedding the outdoors for a classroom is now a call to arms. One look at the sheet of necessary supplies in my wife’s hand that came directly from the school officials confirms it. Pencils, notebook paper, backpack, glue, tape, composition book, erasers, and kid-friendly scissors are just a few of the necessary items. I feel like I’m sending my kids off to college rather than second grade and kindergarten.

Although I am at times not so patient a father, on this day and in this store understanding comes easy. My kids are regarding our trip here with the perfect blend of excitement and seriousness. A tiny seed of knowledge is being planted within them that somehow this supply shopping is no errand. In a few years it will sprout and grow into the knowledge that what they are doing is the physical manifestation of a spiritual truth. They will see this a holy rite, and a universal one at that.

Because if my children are anything like me, all this shopping and ogling over school supplies and all this excitement over starting a new year will likely one day be replaced by a determination not to screw things up yet again.

I was never a standout in school. Nowhere near honor-role caliber. Average at best. I suppose I had the smarts to do better and be more, but not the drive or discipline. What people thought of me and how I fit in mattered much more than learning the Pythagorean theorem or how photosynthesis worked. Then, and sometimes now, the things that really shouldn’t matter at all mattered very much.

For me, the best days of the school year were the first few and the last few. The first few because they always held the most promise. The last few because by then I had firmly entrenched myself in my yearly rut of getting by rather than pulling ahead, and just wanted everything over with.

But summer vacation is the Great Eraser, three months of sunshine and play that put enough distance between me and the previous nine months to suggest the next year might be mine to own. Back-to-school shopping would always cement that thought. All those fresh notebooks with empty pages waiting to be filled with knowledge? Pencils sharp and wood-scented, ready to chew on in deep thought? And of course there was the epitome of student organization, the Trapper Keeper. Those were the weapons I would wield in the battle against myself.

And it always worked for the first few weeks, after which those notebooks would be filled with doodles born of boredom and angst, the pencils would be thrown at either a classmate or the ceiling, and my Trapper Keeper would have been torn to shreds and abandoned in the bottom of my locker.

We have good intentions, don’t we? Every notion to make the next day our best, to rise above petty thoughts and empty words and become who we know we can be. And still every night we close our eyes with the nagging thoughts of who we let down and what we couldn’t measure up to.

Just as we can’t be the perfect student, we’ll never be the perfect people. Deep down we all know this. But we also know that just because our feet are stuck in the mud of this world doesn’t mean our hands can’t reach ever higher toward the sky. Just because we cannot fly doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stand tall.

That’s what I want my children to know as they walk these aisles.

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at his blog What I Learned Today and follow him on twitter at @BillyCoffey

(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, ’cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on

‘Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
~Matthew 11:28-30

So, I was doing some “research” for Friday’s post about horrible teacher gifts, and the topic of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series of books came up. If I had a dollar for every one of those books that were published, I would feel really guilty about charging people a dollar for one of those books! If your so inclined, check out this Wikipedia link, which has an alphabetical listing of all of them. Frightning. In other news, @billycoffey is getting a little uppity with me again.

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

Answer: Tell me what you really think. Question: What’s something you’ll probably never need to say to me?

@MarketerMikeE areyougoingtodothisalldaylong? #oneword (in reply to MarketerMikeE Friend #oneword)

@curtharding I used to tell my old boss, “It’s not so much you blowing your nose that bothers me. It’s when the geese hit the window.”

@MarketerMikeE Stopdoingthat #oneword (in reply to MarketerMikeE Weekend #oneword)

RT @dutchhillgirl @billycoffey I see… But you should know by now that women are always right. 😉 @katdish

@billycoffey You’re welcome. (in reply to billycoffey @dutchhillgirl See what I have to put up with?)

See what I mean? >RT @billycoffey: @katdish Oh shut up!

In case any of you are wondering, when @billycoffey tells me to “shut up”, he actually means, “katdish, you’re right”

@amysorrells How about if I just re-gift you one? (in reply to amysorrells @katdish You couldn’t have picked a more perfect metaphor. Don’t ever buy me one of those things.)

@amysorrells Thanks. Tell me I’m wrong about the Chicken Soup books. You know it’s true.

@Helenatrandom I’m good. Just finished writing my post. Thanks for following the 11th commandment: Thou shalt RT @billycoffey’s posts.

@JCWert That probably should have been a DM, Jason. Snort! (in reply to JCWert @katdish I actually enjoyed Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Fan’s Soul.)

“Chicken Soup for the School Crossing Guard’s Soul”? I rest my case.

The Chicken Soup for the Soul book conversation is leaning towards proving my theory. It is simply a no-brainer gift.

@sarahmsalter No. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish @PeterPollock Okay, so would you be surprised to know that I’ve actually read a couple of them?)

@PeterPollock Snort! My thoughts exactly. (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I’ve seen them on the shelves but I’ve never actually seen on ‘in the wild’. I thought they were just there to decorate the store)

@PeterPollock No, Peter. Actual chicken soup made out of souls….Yes, the books! (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish Does anyone ever buy Chicken Soup for the Soul books?)

Does anyone ever buy Chicken Soup for the Soul books to read? Or are they strictly purchased to give as gifts?

@sarahmsalter Do they teach math in NC? (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish At the dollar stores here, NOT everything is a dollar.)

#FOTTSP: Bringing quality, in depth information & entertainment since the late 70s presents: Angry Panda http://bit.ly/bJFRqq

Everyone should start their day with a little Ninja Cat: http://youtu.be/fzzjgBAaWZw

@MarketerMikeE Snort! (in reply to MarketerMikeE RT @katdish: @PeterPollock I love your accent! Like buttah! // Yep, and when he puts on the Barry White music, Wow!)

That would be me >RT @PeterPollock: I spoke to a Texan lady today. She didn’t sound as if she should look like boss Hogg at all.

In preparation for the beginning of the school year, I just ordered the first 4 seasons of #Psych from Netflix.

RT @ispeakcanadian: Raspberry vinaigrette, meet my pants. Pants, meet raspberry vinaigrette. So glad you two got so well acquainted so soon

It’s so encouraging to know that I’ve helped so many spam commenters with their college assignments.

@redclaydiaries Psssst! Do NOT say “Ass Clown”. (in reply to redclaydiaries In meeting w/ @charliewetzel, @johncmaxwell & others on publishing & social media. (Waiting till agenda includes me.)

RT @billycoffey Just got off the phone with @AcquireGuy about my second novel, Paper Angels. Awesome guy. We’re both very excited

@billycoffey Yeah. I’m sure you did. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish I meant that in the nicest way possible.)

@billycoffey “You people”? Mmm hmmm….I see how you are. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Figures. You people don’t do much that’s small and quiet.)

@billycoffey Big and loud. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish @marni71 Morning ladies. How’s life in Texas?)

@billycoffey That pretty much applies to any morning for me. Good morning! (in reply to billycoffey Tuesday mornings are best tackled with coffee and laughter. My experience, anyway.)

Twitter won’t let me RT stuff. It’s making me stabby

@redclaydiaries Nor the facial hair I imagine. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Reminds me of the BeeGees. At 12, I was convinced that they were women. Tho I couldn’t reconcile that with all their lyrics)

@redclaydiaries Oh, be nice! She’s got a lovely voice! (in reply to redclaydiaries Justin Bieber local concert: http://twitpic.com/2d9vrg Good news: his jeans are less shrink-wrapped than usual. Bad: purple shoes.)

@Brian_Russell Keep reaching for the stars, Brian! (in reply to Brian_Russell All my hard work to move everything in my office is working! Network performance up from POOR to MARGINAL!)

How much time do you spend on twitter? Find out here: http://bit.ly/klQ9k (Apparently, I need to get out of my parent’s basement)

RT @BIGE8UP: Discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about 2 B devoured by great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

@Helenatrandom Thanks. I’ll be here all week.

“I asked my mother if I was adopted. She said, Not yet, but we placed an ad.” ~ Dana Snow

RT @marni71 I can hear 3 distinct crickets in my office, but can’t find them. Must. Control. Fist. Of. Death.

@gabbysherri Oh, and good morning.

@gabbysherri Don’t be buying a bunch of crap. (in reply to gabbysherri On my way to the thrift store. Today is 50 cent bargain day! WOOT! WOOT!)

@JCWert That’s because Jesus isn’t a spineless coward.

RT @JCWert Jesus wouldn’t leave anonymous comments attacking other Christians on their blogs. A follower of Christ shouldn’t either.

In case you missed the announcement on Steph at the Red Clay Diaries blog, it’s that time of year again:

Many of us choose to send our little darlings off on the first day of school bearing gifts for their new teachers. It’s simply a small token of our appreciation for helping mold their minds and their futures. Unfortunately, we sometimes get it wrong. I’ve heard of a few gifts that, while I’m sure were given with the best of intentions, somehow missed the mark. As a public service, I would like to share a brief list of some things you might NOT want to give your child’s favorite teacher.

I once asked a teacher friend of mine, “If there was one teacher gift you could go your entire life without ever receiving again, what would it be?” Without missing a beat, her reply was, “Coffee mugs.”

But if you do choose to ignore my advice and buy one anyway, make sure you get one with her name on it so she can’t sell it in a garage sale.

Many kids like to draw pictures for their favorite teachers. Since my daughter has access to a plethora of artist supplies, she’s actually given a few painted canvases to teachers. But a hand drawn portrait is every bit as special because it comes from the heart. However, you may want to look over your child’s shoulder while he creates his masterpiece. Otherwise, you may get a picture of you in a bikini sitting on a counter in a bar like my friend Sherri did. The child was six years old at the time. I can neither confirm nor deny that a few years later, the same child gave his teacher this welcome back to school gift:

(Okay, not really–But seriously, I can’t think of any scenario where this would be an appropriate teacher gift.)

And speaking of  inappropriate, unless you overhear a teacher say, “I love teaching. I love my pet pug. I wish I had a ceramic representation of my two greatest passions”, you should probably leave this lovely item on the store shelf:

Did you have a good summer? Maybe you had a chance to get away to some beachside resort. But please don’t give a gift that reminds your child’s teacher that there are at least nine long months ahead before he or she can get out from under the mound of ungraded papers and enjoy the sunshine again:

(Besides, starfish don’t wear sunglasses or drink Dr Pepper and I oppose this gift based on my anti-crap principles alone.)

Mary Carver (aka @GivingUpOnPerfect) mentioned on twitter yesterday that her mother forced her to give her 4th grade teacher a pair of argyle socks. Years later, she is still mortified. Since I hate socks, I can’t really think of a worse teacher gift than argyle socks. Well, except maybe these:

I could write an entire blog post about the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book series. Has anyone actually ever purchased one of those books for themselves? Oh, I’m sure there’s a few out there who bought one to see what the big deal was, but come one! Those books are bought almost exclusively as gifts. They are the holiday fruitcakes of the literary world. Please don’t buy this book for your child’s teacher. There are already 27 copies of it in the teacher’s lounge:

I have NO IDEA what this next item is, but unless your child’s teacher’s name is Miss Love and she happens to be a zombie, I would pass on this as well:

And then maybe consider an alternative education plan for your child…

What do I give my kid’s teachers? Gift cards, baby! I hear they like Target.

Okay teachers, your turn. What other bad gifts have I left off the list?

Most every week, I spend one evening (either Tuesday or Wednesday) with some of my favorite people.

We call it praise team practice, but it’s so much more than that. We pray, share what’s going on in each other’s livesand we laugh. We laugh a lot.

Hope you don’t mind my mostly wordless post. Back to the regularly scheduled mayhem tomorrow…